


Dangerous Liaisons

by Emmysrandomthoughts



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Adult Content, Adultery, Affairs, Betrayal, Cheating, Consensual Infidelity, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Gen, Guilty Pleasures, Heartache, Heartbreak, Jealousy, Longing, Revenge, Romance, Secrets, Sexual Chemistry, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Temptation, Triggering Situations, Wanting what you can't have, adrenaline rush, guilt/remorse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-08 19:50:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 242,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5510807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmysrandomthoughts/pseuds/Emmysrandomthoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade Crawford is Dauntless-born, Dauntless-bred, and the best of the best. Fresh out of initiation, she's eager to begin her new life. She thought she had it all figured out, until she decided to challenge a certain Dauntless leader. What started as a simple ploy for revenge quickly turned into a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse. Now, Jade finds herself caught in a very tangled web, torn between her fiancé, the future she had planned for herself, and a whole different world she's curious to discover with Eric. What's done is done, and she can't go back. Jade will discover that being truly Dauntless has it's consequences......</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Calm Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all :) I've been writing this for a while on Tumblr, and have been talked into placing it on here. This is the first fic I've ever written, so be gentle. You can always find me on Tumblr at emmysrandomthoughts.
> 
> I do not own the Divergent series, it and all original characters belong to Veronica Roth. 
> 
> I've decided to go ahead and include this disclaimer for every installment: If you're looking for the Eric fic that portrays him as the heroic white-knight-in-shining-armor, that rides to the rescue on his white horse down a rainbow path, THIS IS NOT IT, AND NOT THE FIC FOR YOU. In this fic, Eric is violent, dark, and does some upsetting things that can cause triggers. If you are sensitive to these things, PLEASE HEED TRIGGER AND TAG WARNINGS before deciding to proceed... I put them there for a reason. Read at your own discretion.....
> 
> Thank you for stopping by :)

Laying back against the pillows, guilt washes over me in a shameful tidal wave. Flinging my arm over my eyes I take a deep breath,  drawing the sheet up higher. Clutching it to my breast I look over, seeing Eric isn’t beside me. The faint embers of a lit cigarette are visible from where he stands on the balcony, making me breathe a small sigh of relief. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, scouring the floor for my clothes. Finally, I see them crumpled in a small pile near the foot.  As I snatch them up and start to get dressed, the sliding glass door opens.

 “Where are you going?” Eric asks, leaning against the doorframe.

Feeling his eyes on me, I don’t turn around or answer him right away. As I slip my bra back on and reach around to fasten it,  I feel him behind me. Closing my eyes and biting my lip, I silently implore him to just let me get dressed and go, but I know it won’t be that simple. Nothing with Eric ever is. He wraps his thick, muscular arms around my waist, the scent of cigarette smoke and whiskey invading my nostrils. I silently shake my head, willing myself to focus.

 “Come back to bed,” he murmurs huskily, his lips grazing just behind my ear, his breath hot on my neck. He strokes the bare skin of my stomach with his fingers. Lust shoots through my veins, clouding my head. I try to break away, but he keeps me firmly in place. “I have to go, Eric,” I whisper, gently disentangling myself. 

I pull my shirt over my head and pick up my panties from the floor. As I slide them up the length of my long legs, Eric lays back on the bed, lacing his hands behind his head. He’s shirtless, his muscular chest slick with the exertion of our recent activity. His tattoos catch the light from the single dim bulb on the nightstand, making him appear even bigger than he actually is.  He’d pulled on a pair of jeans that hang low from his hips, exposing his chiseled abs and torso. Ignoring his gaze, I look for my skirt while feeling my whole body flush.

 “You don’t have to rush off you know. We have all night….”

“No, we don’t Eric. I have to go. I shouldn’t be here in the first place…”

“Yet you are, for a while now.”

“Well, not anymore. This really was the last time.”

“Sure it is. Just like it was the last time all the other times…”

“I mean it Eric, this is done. I never should’ve…. should’ve…”

 A fresh wave of guilt laps over me and I can’t finish. I hurriedly locate my skirt and slip it on, trying to ignore Eric’s chuckle as I look for my shoes. “Oh, yes, that’s right,” he mocks, reaching over and picking up his phone. “The boyfriend probably wouldn’t like that you were just all over my dick.” He scrolls through for a moment, as I grit my teeth and bite back a sarcastic response. I find my boots and sit down to zip them.  Eric sighs loudly, looking up.

 “Why are you still wasting your time with him?” he asks, making me inhale sharply.

“I’m not wasting my time. It’s none of your business anyway.”

“Whatever, Jade. I don’t get it, but it’s your life.”

“Yes, it is, so that’s the end of this conversation, and the end of this.”

 Eric smirks and turns back to his phone. “We’ll see how long that lasts. He’ll piss you off again, and you’ll be back here within the hour that he does, same as always,” he says in a bored tone, and my nerves start to tingle. 

Might as well tell him now and get it over with. Placing my hands on my knees, I will my voice to remain steady. I don’t know how he’ll react to this.

 “Well, that’s just it, Eric. He’s not my boyfriend any longer,” I say quietly, making Eric look up again. “Oh really?” He sets his phone on his stomach. “Really,” I say over my shoulder as I stand. Eric rolls to his side, and grins smugly. “So, you finally got rid of the loser? Took you long enough…” Taking a deep breath, I meet his eye. I hold out my left hand, where my new engagement ring now sparkles. 

 “He’s no longer my boyfriend, because he’s now my fiancé.”

 All the amused humor drains from Eric’s face as his eyes whip to my hand, and then back to me. I nod and hold his gaze for a moment, before breaking it and turning around. His stare burns into my back, as I quickly try to find my phone and keys, desperate to leave. When I can avoid his gaze no longer, I look up to see him staring with an ice-cold expression, his jaw clenched. He doesn’t say anything, and finally I find my things. Without a word, I make my way towards the door when his voice rings out.

 “This is a joke right? You have  _got_  be fucking kidding me…”

Stopping dead in my tracks, I close my eyes with a sense of dread settling over.  Shaking my head, I slowly turn to see him now standing with a tense posture. His hands are clenched into fists, with an expression I would consider as lethal. Like a predator stalking it’s prey, he moves toward me until we’re mere inches away. I lift my chin defiantly, refusing to be intimidated.

 “No, Eric, it’s not. Ayden proposed, and I accepted. We’re getting married in a few weeks. So yes, while I know I’ve said it before, this time I intend to hold to it. This is done. This…whatever…we’ve been doing is over. This is the last time you’ll see me here.”

 With that, I turn to leave when I Eric’s hand clamps down on my arm. His grip is tight enough to leave a bruise.  I try to yank it free, but he holds fast. “How do you really see that working out, Jade?” he asks quietly. My pulse starts to race. It’s the same deadly tone he uses with initiates, right before inflicting some horrible punishment. His lips are right near my ear.  Trying to ignore the effect his proximity has on me, I channel my anger. Finally whirling to face him, I clench my jaw in determination. 

 “Let me go, Eric. There’s nothing left to discuss. I told you it’s done, and I mean it."  

“Not even close. I want an explanation.”

“An explanation for what? Why do you even give a shit?”

 Eric’s eyes begin to glitter dangerously as we glare at each other, both refusing to back down. “Tell me, Jade. Does your  _fiancé,-”_ he spits the last word out like it’s a bad taste, “-know I’ve been fucking your brains out for weeks now? Or do you conveniently forget to mention that? Do you go home and kiss him, knowing your mouth was just on my dick?” he taunts.  I feel my blood start to boil.  _Just leave Jade,_  I urge myself, shaking my head with a disgusted expression. I once again turn to walk away, but Eric keeps me in place.

 Just then, my phone buzzes in my hand. I quickly glance at it and swallow. Eric looks down, his expression hardening when when he sees it's Ayden. “Ah, speak of the devil,” he sneers.  “Well go on, answer it. Can’t keep your  _fiancé_ waiting,” he taunts with a glare, making me roll my eyes. I press accept and put the phone to my ear, heading for the front door.

“Hello…”

“Hey baby. What are you doing?”

“Nothing really, what are you doing?” 

“Just ridin’ around on factionless patrol. The usual. You’re packing up your apartment I hope. I want to move you in by tomorrow.”

“Yes, Ayden, I’m going to pack as soon as…ahhh!”

 I yelp in surprise as Eric suddenly steps in front of me. He bends and swings me over his shoulder, carrying me back towards the bedroom.  _What the fuck is he doing?!_  I scream silently. “Jade? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Ayden says in a curious tone, and I bite my lip to keep from yelling. “Nothing, babe, I just…thought I saw a spider,” I sputter out, as Eric deposits me on the bed. Glaring at him furiously,  I try to roll to the side but he moves over me and pins me down from the waist. He forces my legs to part as he settles his large body between them.

 “Jade? Are you still there?”

“Yeah…. yeah, I’m here, I just, you know spiders freak me out….”

“That’s my girl. She may be a badass Dauntless warrior, but she’s no match for a spider…”

“Oh…. oh…ha-ha…” 

 I grit my teeth and look at Eric with wild eyes.  _What the fuck are you doing?!_  I silently mouth, my panic starting to rise. Eric grins wickedly, placing  his hands on my thighs. I try to push him off with my free hand, but he catches my wrist and pins it beside me. He motions for me to continue, mouthing ‘talk’, as he reaches into my skirt and hooks his finger under the side of my panties. 

 I watch with a mixture of desire and horror as he drags them down my legs, discarding them by the bed. He pushes my skirt around my waist, though I shake my head furiously. I dare not make a sound though, knowing Ayden will hear and I’ll give myself away.

 “So you think you’ll be ready to move in tomorrow?”

  _Eric kisses the inside of my knee, starting to work his way up._

 “Yeah…I…should…. should be able to-to finish…”

  _He moves to the inside of my thighs, and I feel a tight coil starting to form in my core._

 “Jade you sound strange. Are you sure everything is okay?”

  _Eric kisses my stomach in a slow, torturous manner, and I feel my resistance start to dwindle._

 “Yes, Ayden, I’m fine. I…. just had a…. really…long…day and I’m tired…I just need a good night’s sleep, and. …Ahhhh…”

 As Eric’s tongue make slow, torturous flicks over my clit, whatever I’m about to say is lost forever as all rational thought goes out of my head. I close my eyes and arch my back, as Eric hits that spot deep inside me. I grab ahold of his short blonde hair, trying to stifle my moans as he pumps his fingers in conjunction with his tongue. I nearly bite through my cheek, as my orgasm rocks me to my very core. Writhing beneath him, I desperately trying to regain some control but I’m trapped.

 “Ayden, can I give you a call back in little bit? I just wanted to take a quick shower…”

“Yeah, babe. Just give me a call later. I love you..”

“I love you …oohh…to…”

“Jade… are you sure you’re okay? You seem a little off…”

“I was just yawning.” 

“All right…well…get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow…. bye.”

“Bye.”

 As soon as we hang up I throw my phone to the side while trying to scoot back, but Eric keeps me firmly in place. “Eric what the fuck!” I cry indignantly. “Are you trying to get me busted?!  Are you fucking craz-“ I never finish my sentence as Eric suddenly moves with lightning speed, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head.  He holds both my wrists in one hand, the other sliding down to grip my thigh. 

“What’s a matter, Jade? Don’t want him to hear how you sound when you’re  _not_ faking it, like you probably do with him? Afraid you’ll give yourself away?” I narrow my eyes with a glare. “Well, Eric, I hope you remember what it sounds like, because it’s the last time you’ll ever hear it,” I grit out.

 The look on his face darkens, and I feel a ribbon of anxiety race through me.

Determination clouds in his eyes as he searches my face. “I didn’t take you for an idiot, Jade. And that’s exactly what you are, if you think for one minute-” I gasp as his hand moves between my legs “- I’ll let you take this away from me.” he starts kissing my neck as he slowly releases my wrists. My hands move under his arms to his shoulders and back. He pushes my skirt above my waist again. 

 Just like that, I feel my resolve crumble into dust.

 I return his kisses with equal fervor, my need to have him inside me right now  almost more than I can stand. Cursing myself, I run my hands over his tattooed arms, unzipping his jeans and reaching eagerly for what will satisfy my craving. He hisses between his teeth, closing his eyes when I grip him firmly. I roll over so I’m on top,  then slowly kiss down his body.

 Eric grips both hands in my hair as he sits up partially to watch. I look up at him, meeting his eyes as I go deeper, faster, taking all of him into my mouth. He lets out a strangled cry, suddenly yanking me up and flipping me so that I’m facing away. We’re both on our knees, him behind me. He enters me at full force, wrapping his arms around my waist to keep me from falling forward.Moving my hair to one side, I wrap my arms around his neck. One arm comes up and over my breasts. He wraps my arms tighter around him, his breath hot on my neck and ear.

 "This is not over, Jade. Far fucking from it,” He growls. “He can’t do this to you. You’ll  _never_  feel the same with him as you do with me. He doesn’t deserve you…”

I don’t answer,  too caught up in the moment. I flip around to face him and he wraps both arms around me again, our mouths connecting. As my legs wrap around him, he continues to rock into me. He lays me down and really lets go . My back arches as we find our release together. My body continues to shake, my toes curling as he grabs my waist and spills himself into me, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

 He collapses over me, both spent and panting. We don’t say anything for a while, the air thick with an unspoken conversation. Finally, he rolls to the side, and I quietly slip out of bed, smoothing my skirt down. Retrieving my panties and pulling them back on, I can’t look at him. I can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he can affect me like this.

 I can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s right.

I hastily grab my phone and keys again and move to leave, praying he doesn’t try to stop me. As I get to the front door, his voice cuts through the air like a cold blast.  

 “End it on your own, or I’ll do it for you.”

I freeze just as I’m about to turn the handle. Closing my  eyes briefly, I finally open the door and slip away. As I make my way through the Pit, I come to a grim realization. He’s right. This isn’t over. It’s only just begun.

 It was simply the calm before the storm.


	2. Battle Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade gets some perspective from her best friend, and the battle lines between her and Eric are drawn.

The next morning, I make my way to the food hall for breakfast. I pick up a tray and get in the food line, realizing I’m not really hungry but know I should eat something. I shake my head with a rueful smile. 

Crushing guilt is the best diet ever. I pick up a single biscuit and a cup of coffee, and then look around the room. I spot Leah, my best friend and she waves me over. I smile at her wearily as I set my tray down. 

Leah eyes me over her cup of coffee, taking note of my tired appearance. “Hey lady,” she says in an observant tone, and I nod. “Hey.” She glances at my tray, and then looks up at me.

“That’s all you’re eating?”

“Yeah….I’m not really hungry.” 

“Are you sick?”

“No, just tired… kind of a rough night.” 

I absently pick at my biscuit and take sip of coffee, but not really tasting it. Leah purses her lips thoughtfully and nods. After a moment she regards me in a curious manner, and I feel a knot start to form in my stomach. 

Leah is Candor-born, and has that look she always gets when she wants to say something, but doesn’t know if she should.

“I texted you last night to see if you wanted to come to Soldier Field with everyone, but I never heard back. What did you end up doing?”

“Nothing really,” I lie, propping my head on the heel of my palm and avoid her eyes. “Just kinda hung out at home. I was tired.” I purposely keep my eyes down and out of her line of vision, because she’ll see right through me. She doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then takes another sip of her coffee.

“So you were home last night.”

“Yeah, I was tired from a long day at Amity, so I just kinda chilled out at the Pit, then called it a night.”

“Oh, so you were at the Pit?”

“Well, yeah, I went and had a late dinner, then a drink at the Pit with April, then went home.” 

“April was with you last night?”

“Well, yeah, I ran into her on my way…..” 

I look up to see Leah’s lips pursed as she gazes at me, and then shakes her head. We eat in silence for a moment, and then finally I sigh, as the displeased look on her face is starting to piss me off. 

“What?” I ask in an exasperated tone, and she looks away for a moment.

“Jade, you do know I’m Candor-born right? And those lessons in deception detection began for us in Kindergarten? We’re taught to spot ‘tells’ in body language, and deceptive statement patterns,” she states matter-of -factly, and I just shrug. 

“So?” I snap, irritated now. Leah looks at me squarely.

“One lesson we learned, is that if someone is lying to you, and you repeat that lie back to them, they’ll respond with a different answer, until you get the truth out of them. Also, looking to the right before answering a question indicates deception.”

She picks up her coffee and eyes me squarely over the brim. “I just think it’s interesting that I repeated what you said, and your story changed three times. I also can’t help but notice that your eyes shifted to my left as you answered me, though you won’t look me in the eye.” Thunderous silence falls between us, and I shake my head ruefully, and then sigh. 

I close my eyes briefly, trying to get myself in check. Leah looks back at me, and then groans.

“Goddamn it, Jade…”

“Look, I told him it was the last time…”

“Yeah, you said that before, yet you seem to find yourself sneaking out of his apartment somehow.”

“No, you don’t understand. I told him Ayden and I are getting married, and that this was over, that I wouldn’t be back.”

“Why were you there in the first place?” 

I throw my hands in the air and shake my head. “I don’t fucking know. I don’t know why I do anything lately…” I angrily toss the rest of my biscuit on my plate, and pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers. 

Leah puts her coffee down and touches my wrist lightly. “Hey,” she says softly and I gaze back at her with a bleary expression.

“Jade, I’m not judging you, and I’m a little hurt that you think you have to lie to me, believing I would. I’m your best friend, and you can tell me the truth…. just like I need to give you some truth apparently.” She glances around, to make sure no one is within earshot, then continues in a low voice.

“What is really going on with you and Eric?”

“What do you mean?” 

“What I mean, is that you’ve been sleeping with him for a while now, and you can’t seem to stop. Are you…do you have…” 

She trails off, and I shake my head, and then laugh incredulously. “I’m sorry, are you seriously about to ask me if I have feelings for Eric? Because that’s absurd.” Leah arches her brow. “Is it?” She doesn’t break eye contact as I glare at her, pissed off that she’s bringing things to the surface that I’ve tried to suppress. 

“It’s absurd because this is Eric-fucking-Coulter we’re talking about.” She nods. “Yeah…Eric-fucking-Coulter that seems to have an addiction to being between your legs, and you don’t seem to mind being an enabler.” She looks down and bites her lip, another sign that she’s holding something back. I look at her, exasperated.

“What?” I hate it when she does that. 

She takes a deep breath and looks at me pointedly.

“He has feelings for you, Jade. He might even be in love with you. He won’t admit to himself that he feels something for you, and you won’t do the same regarding how you feel about him. Don’t get me wrong; I know he’s an asshole. But you guys can’t be together as often as you are, and not feel  _something_  for each other, even if you tell yourselves its just sex. It’s not. It’s a lot more than that, even if both of you are too blind to see it.” She sips her coffee and eyes me.

I stare at her in stunned silence.

“Eric is not in love with me, Leah. Guys like him aren’t capable of love. He’s just using me as a warm body, he feels nothing-”

Leah hold up her hand and cuts me off. “Not to be crude, Jade, but do you think you have the only working vagina in this faction?”

“Leah!”

“Jade!” She mocks right back. “All right, here comes the Candor, whether you like it or not. Do you really think Eric is only using you for sex? Because if you do, you seem to have forgotten the fact that despite being a fucking asshole, he’s also drop dead sexy. He’s also a council leader. You really think he’d have a problem getting laid around here? There is no shortage of willing females in that aspect. However, He doesn’t seem to want anyone but you, and chooses to not only take you to his bed every chance he gets, but probably wants you there for good.” Leah shrugs, and then continues.

“If he really got all he wanted from you, he would’ve tossed you aside a long time ago, but he can’t, and he doesn’t want to.”

She looks at me pointedly. “And truth be told, neither do you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?!” I cry desperately. I don’t like the effect this conversation is having on me. It’s like it’s bringing to light things I’ve tucked deep down inside me, and have ignored were happening. 

Leah softens her expression and says, “Look Jade, there’s a reason you need an objective source to tell you these things. All I’m saying is that he has  _something_  you can’t quit, and the same goes for him. You need to figure out and come to terms with whatever that is, before you put an actual wedding ring from Ayden on your finger.”

She looks at me pointedly as we get up to throw away our trays. “Another funny thing about the truth: it eventually always comes out.”

                                            

* * *

 

As I head to my office, I let my mind wander a little bit. Leah is right. I need to figure out what I’m going to do about Eric, and about Ayden. I feel a weight drop in my stomach, as I remember the look on Eric’s face when I told him. 

I know that he’s not just going to go away, but I still don’t understand why. Something I don’t want to acknowledge comes roaring through my subconscious, and I quickly swat it away. I won’t go there right now. 

I look down at my left hand, where my engagement ring feels like a weight…. and a burden. Logically, I know marrying Ayden is probably best for me. He’s sweet, he’s kind, and he’s nothing like the Dauntless Neanderthals I grew up with, that are only interested in drinking, fucking and fighting. He’s stable, he’s smart, and he’s hard working.

 _But you still don’t really see yourself with him_ , a little voice in my head hisses, and I bury my face in my hands.

I shake my head, resolving to just focus on my job right now, and not let my personal life interfere with my duties. I plop down in my chair and flip on my computer, putting my phone on my desk.

 As I start to get my schedule organized for the day, my intercom suddenly buzzes. I reach over and press the button.

“Hey, Jade,” Ashley, my assistant says.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Ayden is here to see you.”

I groan silently, rubbing my forehead. “Okay, send him in.”  _Fuck_ , I mouth silently. I really don’t want to deal with this right now, but he’s going to get suspicious if I don’t pull my shit together. 

A moment later Ayden walks in and I plaster a smile on my face. He’s a tall, muscular guy with short sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes. He’s a patrol leader in the city, so he’s mostly away from the compound, except on his days off.

“Hey,” I say as he leans down and kisses me. “Hey,” he says as he runs his hand through my hair. He smiles at me, and I force myself to return it. 

Guilt stabs me in the heart with a thousand tiny knives, but I wrestle it down and force myself to appear nonchalant. Ayden sits on the edge of my desk, and laces his hand with mine.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” I chirp a little too cheerily.

“Just wanted to see my lady. Work has been a real bitch lately.”

“Tell me about it…”

“Are you feeling better?”

I look at him, puzzled. Then I remember that I told him I haven’t been feeling well, and quickly nod. “Eh, for the most part. I’m really tired, and I think it’s starting to wear on me,” I say hurriedly. 

I lean back in my chair, and Ayden gazes at me for a second. “What?” I ask. He shakes his head, and then shrugs. “You just seem a little out of sorts, lately, and I just want to make sure that we’re good,” he says lightly. 

He rubs his hand up and down my arm, and I shrug. “Yeah, we’re fine. We’re both just busy.” I take a deep breath and purposely avert my eyes, knowing that I’ll give myself away.

He hooks a finger under my chin, turning my face to his. “Jade,” he begins in a soft tone, “I know I’ve been working a lot lately, and that we haven’t had much time for each other, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m having second thoughts about anything…” He leans over and kisses me, and I gaze back at him, slightly caught off guard.

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean, is that I’ve notice you’re not yourself lately, and I think it’s because you’re getting pissed that I’m not around as much.” 

“Ayden, no, I’m not mad, I know you’re busy, and so am I. It’s just….” 

 _He just gave you an out, Jade. Take it_ , I think to myself.

I exhale loudly and give a small shrug. “Okay… yeah. I maybe feel a little forgotten. But I’m not mad. Work is work, and I understand what you do is important. I just wish I got to see you a little more than I do.” 

I smile at him wistfully, thanking God Ayden wasn’t born Candor …or Erudite, for that matter. I look down, and then back up at him.

He immediately pulls me up from my chair and into his arms. “Hey,” he whispers, touching his forehead to mine. “Believe me, there is no place I’d rather be than in bed with you. I miss you, baby,” he whispers, and gives me kiss. I sigh, and wrap my arms around his neck.

“I know I miss you to. But such is the life of Dauntless.”

“Well, I could’ve seen you last night if you had just come to my place. I hope you started getting everything ready to move? I’d help you, but I’ve been called on long patrols lately.” 

“Yeah, I started, but I wasn’t feeling well last night, so I just went to bed.” 

“You just went to bed?” 

Remembering what Leah said about deceptive statement patterns, I quickly repeat myself. “Yeah, I went to bed.” I pull myself away slightly and smile at him. 

“But….we have all night tonight….” I trail off as he suddenly grimaces. “Or…not…” I say slowly, and he groans.

“I actually came here for another reason. This is the only time I’m going to get to see you for a while.”

“What? Why?” 

“The council has received reports that factionless may be trying to attack Amity supply trucks. They decided to have overnight security in rotating shifts. Being that I’m a patrol leader, I was chosen to organize the security detail…”

“So, what are you saying?”

Ayden sighs and looks at me grimly. “Unfortunately, I have to stay at the Amity compound, until we get everything situated.” I feign being annoyed, and contort my face in a scowl. 

“How long?” I huff, and Ayden groans with me, wrapping his arms tighter. “I don’t know, babe. Just until everything is up and running smoothly, and it could take some time.” He touches his forehead to mine, giving me a soft kiss.

“Even though I’ll be away for a while, it’s actually a good thing in a way.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, I might get promoted soon. Eric thought I was the best person to head up the squad, and he personally selected me to be in charge, which is kind of a big deal.”

My heart falls into my shoes. 

“Eric…Eric picked…you to stay at Amity?” I swallow the lump in my throat as Ayden nods eagerly, oblivious to my growing horror.

“Yeah, I just came from a meeting with him. He called me into his office this morning, and told me I was to assume command of the mission.” I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to remain calm, but inside I’m screaming.

Of course this was Eric’s doing.

I force a smile to my face, and kiss him carelessly. “Well, I guess that’s good for you, then,” I say lightly, though I want to fucking  _break_ something right now. 

I gently pull away from him, and turn back to my desk. “I kind of have a lot of work to do, “ I whisper as I turn and sit back down. 

Ayden sighs, and stands slowly. “I promise you, Jade, it’s only for a little while,” he whispers as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. 

“I know. It’s okay, Ayden. I have a lot of work to get through anyway.” I smile at him weakly. “We’ll just see each other when you come back from Amity.” He gives me a tight, half smile, then kisses me again.

“I love you,” he whispers, and I inhale sharply.

“I love you to,” I whisper back, and fight back tears. 

As he leaves, I close my eyes and lean back in my chair. I take a deep breath, and try to get myself in check. 

Eric is not going to stop until he gets whatever it is that he wants, and it looks like destroying me is what’s on the top of the list.

                                           

* * *

 

As I soon as I get the chance, I promptly make my way towards Eric’s office. Fueled completely by my rage, I don’t acknowledge his assistant, Brady, as I push toward the door. 

“Oh, Jade, he’s busy right now…” Brady calls as he starts to stand. I ignore him and turn the handle, storming in to Eric’s office. He’s seated at his desk looking over a file, and raises his brows in surprise. 

“Not a good time, Jade,” he chuckles, slightly amused. “Yeah, I give a shit,” I snarl back sarcastically. I glare at him as Brady cautiously enters the room, not certain of what he’s walking into. I whip my head around with a glare.

  _“Get…the…fuck…out…”_ I hiss through gritted teeth, my eyes flashing.

Brady looks to Eric, who’s biting back an amused smirk. He motions toward the door with his head, and Brady nods. He avoids looking at me, and I don’t blame him.  As soon as Brady shuts the door, I slam my hand on the desk.

“ _What the fuck are you trying to do_ ,” I demand furiously.

Eric leans back in his chair and laces his hands over his stomach. “I have no idea what you’re talking about Jade,” He purrs in a mock innocent tone. He grins at me smugly, and my blood starts to boil in my veins.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about…”

“Enlighten, me Jade.”

“The Factionless Patrol isn’t even the aspect of Dauntless you oversee. You’re fucking with Ayden just to piss me off-“

“How do you figure? It has nothing to do with you.” 

I glare at him incredulously, shaking my head. “You’re practically exiling him to Amity, and you want to tell me that has nothing to do with me?” I snap, barely in control of myself. 

Eric just shrugs and then rolls his eyes slightly as he leans forward. 

“Jade,” he starts in a condescending tone, “Don’t flatter yourself. Not that I have to explain a fucking thing to you, but I put Ayden in charge of the mission because he’s the best man for the job. Is that really so hard to believe? I would’ve thought you’d have more faith in your fiancée and his capabilities.” He eyes me with a sly smirk and shakes his head.

“I also didn’t get to be a Dauntless leader by letting pussy dictate my decision-making.” 

The smirk slips off of his face as he rises slowly and moves in front of me. His expression is pure ice as he stops within an inch from my face. He leans in and his body grazes mine.

“You would also do well to remember exactly  _who the fuck you’re talking to_ , before you barge into my office again. I am a Dauntless leader, and I will not tolerate insubordination from someone whom is merely an Ambassador, that  _thinks_  she’s on my level, when she’s under me…in more ways than one,” he sneers, and that’s my undoing. 

 _Don’t take the bait_ , I urge myself, but my anger wins out.

I lean forward and grit my teeth. “Fuck  _you_  Eric,” I snarl. “I told you before, but you obviously need to be reminded. You are not my boss, and I don’t belong to you in any way, shape, or form, and I never will. I don’t give a shit if you’re a Dauntless leader, or head leader of the whole fucking faction, I’m not playing whatever sick twisted game you’re trying to play with me. So cut the fucking bullshit, and stop wasting my fucking time,” I growl at him intensely, my hands on my hips.

Eric’s cool façade vanishes as his nostrils flare in rage. With gritted teeth, he grabs both of my arms and yanks me towards him. 

“Watch your fucking mouth, Jade. Last warning,” he seethes.

I try not to show my panic as I shove against his chest as hard as I can.  "Get your fucking hands off me,“ I hiss, and he grabs my wrist. I go to sidestep him, and jerks me back and grabs my other wrist, pinning them behind my back and pushing me against the wall. 

I raise my eyes to his, and immediately regret it. As our gazes lock on each other, that weird magnetic pull is there. Its carnal force so strong, for a second I think Eric is about to just go for it right here. With difficulty, 

I tear my eyes away and try to yank my wrists free, but he holds on tight. "Let go of me, Eric,” I whisper softly. Eric grins sadistically.

His lips graze my cheek. “Listen to me very carefully. Regardless of where I focus my efforts, I am a Dauntless leader, and whether you like it or not, I say and you do. This is how this works. My power within the faction has a very far reach, and don’t think for one minute that I can’t make life difficult for you, and anyone else I think might be causing a problem.” 

His deadly tone sends chills racing down my spine. I force myself to keep my defiant glare on him as he leans in.  

“Just a little food for thought, Jade. There are factionless all around the Amity sector, and they’re growing more and more restless and rebellious everyday. Someone is supplying them with weapons and ammo, and the threat of attack is very real. If your precious Ayden were to somehow find himself separated from his squad, or caught unawares by a band of desperate, armed peasants, who knows what could happen to him. Do you understand what I’m saying, Jade?” 

My heart starts to pound, and I look at him in disgust. I know by the malice in his eye and voice, he’s not bluffing.

After a moment, I nod slightly and look away. He releases me, and I move to leave, before I make the situation worse. Just as I’m about to turn the handle, he speaks.

“Jade,” he calls. I slowly turn, and see him sitting back at his desk. He doesn’t look up as he turns his attention back to his file. “I told you, that you could do it on your own, or I would. Easy way or hard way, it’s up to you.” He finally looks up.

 “I’m not a patient man.”

His silent warning hangs in the air, as we lock eyes again. Without another word, I turn and walk out, trying to control the urge to throw something at him.

 As I leave HQ and make my way through the Pit, I silently shake my head at myself. I have to stop letting my temper get the best of me. I’m letting my anger and impulses take over, and the consequences could literally be lethal if I don’t pull my shit together. 

A lump forms in my throat as I think of his warning about Ayden. I know Eric is not even close to kidding about what could happen to him, and with Eric, there is no such thing as an empty threat.

As I make my way to my apartment, I start to analyze my situation from a different view. Eric may be Dauntless now, but his roots are Erudite. Sending Ayden to Amity was a strategic move, and could only mean that Eric is planning something. 

I have to be prepared for whatever that is, and start using my head accordingly. I feel a new determination set in.

I got myself into this, and I need to get myself out.


	3. Game On, Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade recalls exactly what captured Eric’s attention, and that being fearless has consequences. Enjoy! 
> 
> Warnings: Double smut, cursing, and triggering situations.

After my meeting is adjourned, I walk back to my office, deep in thought. I’ve successfully avoided Eric for the past few days, but I’m going to have to deal with him sooner or later. 

Ever since Ayden has been at Amity, I’ve distracted myself every which way I could think of. Growing up Dauntless, I learned many hidden paths throughout the compound and have used them to my full advantage. I take an alternate back elevator way to work. I eat my meals either in my apartment, or grab food from the Dining Hall and eat in my office. 

I haven’t so much as seen Eric in passing, though his office is across the hall from mine. I keep telling myself that cutting it off with Eric is the right thing to do, that I can’t go on like this, it’s not fair to Ayden, it’s wrong….

 But I can’t avoid Eric forever.

The question also remains…what is Eric up to? I sink down into my chair with a sigh. I think back to right after initiation, when this whole thing started. I shake my head at myself, as I think of how I antagonized Eric at my job placement meeting, and how different things could’ve been if I for once exercised some self-restraint.

If I had just kept my mouth shut, and not stirred the pot, I wouldn’t be in this mess. I wouldn’t have a bull’s-eye on my back, and I wouldn’t be cheating on my fiancé.  

If only I had answered differently in my interview, when Max asked me how I would improve initiation, and I basically called Eric’s whole process asinine. I showed him up in front of Max, setting this whole thing in motion…

**THREE MONTHS EARLIER**

“Oh, shit,” Leah grumbles as she looks at the contents of her closet in dismay. I look up from inspecting my reflection, scrunching my nose as I try to decide on my outfit.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“I have nothing to wear, and we haven’t received our credits yet. I have to have my meeting with Max wearing the clothes I wore in training.” 

“You can borrow something of mine, if you want….”

“Yeah, if I was as tall and toned as you I could, you mean,” she huffs, and I smirk. 

“Well, I don’t have anything really, either, if it makes you feel better…” 

Since Leah and I ranked in the top ten of our class, we meet with Max and our instructors to discuss job placement before we actually select. The highest-ranking initiates are almost always expected to choose a leadership role, or something similar. 

Max, Eric, Four, and Lauren all give their recommendations, and Max interviews us to determine where he deems us to be a good fit. Max is the head leader of the Dauntless council, and basically the man that will determine the rest of my life.

If I’m not careful, and don’t keep my smart mouth in check, I could end up freezing my ass off on the wall.

“I think I’m going to go with this one,” she says as she holds up a black top, and a pair of jeans. It looks like one of our tanks we wore in training, but different. It’s altered to fit the curves of a woman, and the pattern is different. 

“Is that from initiation?” Leah nods. “Yeah, I just altered it. I used to make and design my own clothes in Candor as a hobby, but my designs were too…. Dauntless…and I couldn’t wear them.” I pick them up and look at her in awe.

“Wow, Leah, these are really good.”

“I’m glad you think so…ooh, you should wear this.” 

She grins and tosses a black top and a pair of jeans at me. The top is amazing. It’s one of our basic black tanks from training, but the way Leah altered it, it’s barely recognizable. It’s fitted in a wrap from under the bust, and gathered on top. One of the straps is removed, leaving one shoulder bare. I try it on, and nod in approval.

I’m unusually tall for a female, standing at almost 5’10. Growing up in Dauntless, my body is toned and athletic from running everywhere and climbing everything, coupled with daily training at the gym. My eyes are a bright, piercing light hazel green, framed in long eyelashes. My lips are full and naturally rosy. My legs are exceptionally long, and seem to stretch on forever. My breasts are round and full, and look soft to the touch. I slowly unpin my hair, and let it fall around my toned shoulders and back.

For once in my life, I feel feminine.

I smile at her in appreciation. “You should do something with clothes design, or artistic wise,” I say as she blushes.

“Well, actually, you and I are on the same page with that. I decided to work in uniform and clothing allocation, if Max agrees. “

“Your skills could definitely be useful in that department. Your designs are awesome, and belong in Dauntless…and so do you.”

Leah smiles at me ear-to-ear. “I can’t believe how free I finally feel.” She gets quiet for a minute. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and my family. But I didn’t belong in Candor. I was repressed there, and I was just counting the days until Choosing Day. I’m hardly the studious, serious, stuffy type. I’ve always known this is where I belong. I would’ve chosen Dauntless regardless of what my result was.” Her voice catches strangely at the end, and I look at her curiously. She quickly looks away, and I decide not to press.

“What did your family say when you chose to leave Candor?” I ask quietly. Leah shrugs, and smiles wistfully. 

“They came on visiting day. They told me that they loved me, and that they wished the best for me. My father was sad to see me go, but knew that I didn’t really belong in Candor. They were upset, but they knew I made the right choice. They just want me to live an honest life, and ironically, they knew that wouldn’t be in Candor. I’ll definitely miss them, but this is where I belong.” She sighs. “And it’s not like I’ll never see them again. Even though we’re no longer in the same faction, I’ll still visit them when I can.” She sighs and runs her hand along the wall.

“So I’m sure your family was happy you stayed in Dauntless…how proud are they that their daughter is ranked number one in her class?”

Leah’s smile falters as she sees the flash of pain across my face. “Oh…Jade, I’m sorry. I realized just now I never asked about your family. Are they still in Dauntless?” she asks gently. 

I take a deep breath and pretend to study my reflection. “My mother, yes. I saw her on Visiting Day, and she and I will still see each other for dinner at least once a week or so.” I swallow the lump in my throat.

 “My father was thrown out of Dauntless when I was ten. He lived factionless until he died two years ago.” I turn around to see Leah staring at me intently. I answer her silent question. 

“He had a drinking problem, as typical with a lot of Dauntless men. He got loaded one night, and attacked my mom when she tried to put him to bed. It wasn’t the first time, but that night he almost killed her. When she was lying on the floor unconscious in her own blood, he turned to me next. If Ayden’s parents hadn’t come home when they did and intervened, I don’t know if I would still be here.” I turn back to the mirror. I hear Leah inhale sharply.

“Jade…I’m really sorry. We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to…”

“No, it’s cool. It was years ago, and water under the bridge, so to speak.”

“So you grew up with Ayden?”

“Yeah…he lived next door. I actually stayed with his family for a month or so while my mom was recovering. He and I didn’t start dating until last year, though.”

Leah grins as she rises and starts to brush her hair. “Well, lucky for you, your man is gorgeous and in a good job. I’ll be lucky if I don’t wind up with some jackass that walks the wall, which seems to be the one I usually attract.” I smirk at her as I give my reflection one last look. We grab our bags and head for the door.

 “Well, lets go see where we’ll spend the rest of our lives.”                                 

* * *

 We step off of the elevator, and make our way down to the large conference room at the end. Two large guards stand outside, both I recognize, Adam and Jason. They nod at me, and I return it. “Hey guys.” I greet.

“Hey Jade. They’re almost ready. Just have a seat and I’ll call you in,” Jason says. “Okay,” I reply and sit down on the bench. A moment later, Adam touches his earpiece, and nods.

“You can go in now, Jade.”

I rise gracefully and take a deep breath. I stride through the door to see, Max, Lauren, Four and Eric seated at the long table. I nod at Four and Lauren, and they return it. I smile at Max, and he nods. I just glance at Eric though, and he just regards me blankly as I take a seat in front of them.

 Eric is one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever met in my life, and that’s saying a lot for growing up around Dauntless boys. I’ve hated him ever since day one of training, when he flexed his muscles in front of the transfer initiates. 

I get that he’s not here to make friends, but there’s a difference between training soldiers and blatantly torturing initiates you simply don’t like. Time and time again, I saw him arrange unfair fights, and manipulate situations to his advantage, for nothing more than to prove how big and bad he  _thinks_  he is. Even his first year here, before I went through initiation, I knew of him and the rumors of his involvement with Jeanine Matthews.

I guess women aren’t the only ones that fuck their way to the top.

If the rumors are true, then Eric only attained leadership by Jeanine’s hand in a backroom deal with Max. He didn’t earn it, the way a true Dauntless would. He doesn’t have the best interest of Dauntless at heart, he only has his own. The whole Dauntless manifesto details “ordinary acts of bravery and the courage that drives one person to stand up for another”. If it came right down to it, Eric wouldn’t protect anyone but himself, which is the only person he truly cares about.

That’s not a leader. That’s a coward. He may have everyone else fooled, but not me. I see him for what he is, and I’m not afraid of him.

Max regards me with his usual impassive expression. As I wait for him to begin, I sternly remind myself to watch my smart-ass mouth, and remember that if I don’t keep myself in check, it could determine the rest of my life. Finally, he folds his hands in front of him and speaks.

“Well, first and foremost Jade, congratulations on ranking first. I have to say your skill was an impressive showing during training. It’s not often we have a female come out on top.”

“Thank you, sir.” I smile, a slight tingle going through my body. Although sexist to the core, it’s as close as a compliment as I’ll ever get from Max. “What can I say? Dauntless born and bred.” Max grins slightly, and a small shudder goes through me as his eyes drop to my chest, though I decide to ignore it.

“Normally, the top-ranked initiate is automatically selected for leadership, though I make the final determination of whether or not that’s a good fit.” He looks at my file, and glances at me. “So we’ll just start from the top.” He pulls out a sheet of paper, and starts asking questions. 

I answer why I think I’d be best as an Ambassador, rather than go straight to leadership, what my goals are for Dauntless, and areas where I see room for improvement.

I take a deep breath before I answer the last question. “Well, I find the initiation process itself could be improved, and desperately needs to be overhauled in some areas.” All four of them look at me attentively. “How so?” Max asks.

“The cutting system as it is now, is illogical,” I explain matter-of-factly. Max looks at me stoically, while Eric sits up and inhales sharply.

“How so? I’m actually the one that implemented the new procedures, and I guarantee they aren’t inefficient.” I don’t miss the hidden undertone of anger in his voice, though masked by the usual hard tone all Dauntless men take. 

He’s staring at me like he wants to stab me with his eyes, and I know it’s a silent warning. He’s warning me not to make a fool of him, especially not in front of Max, whom he’s supposed to succeed to the Dauntless throne one day. As Eric’s eyes lock with mine, a strange feeling stirs in the pit of my stomach. 

I consider for a moment just dropping the subject, but my stubbornness wins out. Anyone else would be terrified by the look Eric is giving me right now, and I should probably shut my mouth, but….

I’m not afraid of Eric.

I smirk and lean forward, placing my hands on the table. I arch my brow, and shrug.

“It’s illogical because training is separated by transfer and faction-born, and that’s inefficient. The way it’s ranked now, the men almost always out-number the women in the end.”

“How is that not logical? Only the strong survive here, and you yourself ranked first in your class.” He counters.

“Yes, I did, but you know what? It’s a rarity, and one that’s slowly going to hurt our faction.” 

“How so?” 

“You said so yourself. Only the strong survive here, the ones who rise to the top, right?” Eric nods, and I continue. “Sometimes sub-par initiates only make it through, because they outrank someone who’s more inept than they are. The rankings aren’t evenly matched.” Eric scoffs. 

“They’re not supposed to be evenly matched, Jade. It’s supposed to be the strongest of the group,” He snaps, and I shake my head again.  

“Let me put this a different way. I’ll give my class as an example. Brian made it through to the second round because he beat people like Caroline. Remember her, the scrawny, skinny, couldn’t-fight-to-save-her-life transfer from Amity? Brian was weak, but He made it through to the second round on technicality, because he was put against someone obviously weaker. Had he been matched with another male, he wouldn’t have. He would’ve been weeded out quickly.”

Max’s eyebrows raise slightly as he starts to see where I’m going, and I nod in confirmation, and then turn back to Eric.

“You’re absolutely right that it should be the strongest that survive here, Eric. But it should be the strongest men,  _and_  the strongest women. Rankings shouldn’t be separated by faction-born or transfer.” I lean back and fold my hands over my stomach. 

“It shouldn’t matter what faction you were born into. If you belong here, you belong here, and should be equal with those that do.” Eric shakes his head.

“Faction born have an advantage by growing up here. They have more exposure to Dauntless ways and extra time to train. It wouldn’t be fair to-“

“So what if they do, Eric?” I cut in, with an exasperated sigh. Eric blanches, then shakes his head at me. 

“So…what…if…they do, Eric?” I repeat. “Dauntless born or not, if you belong here, you’ll do as well as the next person.  If a guy passes, it shouldn’t be because he was a 6’1, 220 lbs man pitted against a 5’1, 110 lbs female. Of course he would win. It’s not even a true test of his actual skill. Take that initiate from a year or two ago, the one from Candor. He would’ve ranked first, had that kid that set him up to fall in the chasm not taken him out. He wasn’t faction-born, yet he was easily the best initiate of his class. He could fight, he was strong, he was smart, and he had Dauntless leadership written all over him. He did all of that without ‘extra time to train’ as you claim, and still outranked those that did. He belonged here, and got a raw deal.”

Max regards me with a blank expression, and strokes his chin for a moment. “If it were up to you then, Jade, how would you correct it?” he asks. Eric’s eyes immediately cut to the side at him, smarting at the word ‘correct’. I have a small feeling of satisfaction at the silent wrath simmering on his face. It’s about time someone took this asshole down a peg or two.

With my eyes never leaving Eric, I smirk and lean back in my chair. “It’s simple, really. I agree that cuts should be made, and the weak should be disposed of early. However, the cutting system itself is not efficient and will actually hurt Dauntless in the long run. But it’s an easy fix.” I lace my hands over my stomach and regard them evenly.

“Instead of training and ranking faction born and transfer together, I would simply separate the men from the women and rank them accordingly. Separate rankings for gender.”

Eric scoffs and shakes his head. “Why would you do that?” he chuckles and gives Max a knowing side look. 

“What’s a matter Jade? You don’t want your little princesses to have to face real combat situations? Or are you afraid they wouldn’t make it through initiation to begin with?” he tries to taunt, but I grin back at him smugly.

“You’re absolutely right, Eric. They wouldn’t make it through initiation. And that’s the problem that you fail to see.”

A flicker of confusion crosses his face, and he shakes his head. “You’re not making any sense, and it’s obvious you have no idea what you’re talking about. So why don’t you get to the point if you have one, and stop wasting our time,” he growls, and I feel a flicker of satisfaction that I have him so riled up.

Game on, asshole.

I fold my hands on the table in front of me, and bite back my smirk. “My point, is that ranking the men and women together is inaccurate to true skill. Of course, most of the men here are going to physically surpass the women.” I grin with a little wink. 

“Well, not  _all_ of the women. But the vast majority. If you’re going to better the faction in the long run, you should only pass the strongest men, _and_  the strongest women.”

I place a folder in front of Max, and he glances at it, then back at me. “Newest population data from Erudite,” I explain, and Max eyes me as he opens it. 

“While I was researching the Ambassador job, I looked at these rations and security reports. They provided member data, and those of the other factions. I draw your attention to the male numbers, and female numbers for each faction…and then take a look at the numbers for Dauntless.” 

Max peers at the file, then he looks up and glances at me in an alarmed manner. I nod, then smirk at Eric.  “What?” he snaps, trying to look over Max’s shoulder. I nod toward the file.

 “There’s a growing problem here, that I’m surprised no one has noticed yet.”

“And what’s that?” he sneers. 

“Oh, I don’t know, just take a look at the Pit sometime.”

“What about it?”

“The male-to-female ratio is about six to one. If you keep phasing all the women out, soon it’ll be ten to one.” 

He rolls his eyes and purses his lips. “So what? Once again, Jade, if they’re cowards that can’t fight, they shouldn’t be here anyway.”

“But you’re overlooking one very important thing, here Eric.”

“And what’s that?” 

I lean back and give him a steady gaze. “Universal faction law states procreation is not optional. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. The council just passed the new mandate stating that everyone must have children by the age of thirty, or they will be entered into the ‘faction lottery’, and a mate will be chosen for them specifically for procreation.”

I arch my brow. “Let me ask you something; if faction-born girls transfer out of Dauntless, and only a handful of females pass initiation, what do you think will happen if there are no options left for Dauntless males?” I ask.

As the truth of my discovery dawns on their faces, Max looks up at me, and I see approval in his eyes, though nothing shows on his expression. Lauren and Four glance at each other, and then at me in slight awe. 

But Eric says nothing, just openly scowls at me through narrowed eyes. I see the carefully controlled rage in his eyes. He’s furious that this flaw was discovered, and in front of Max. I can’t help myself, and decide to twist the knife a little more.

I chuckle slightly and give him a patronizing grin. “Eric,” I coo in a sickly sweet voice, “You are a former Erudite. I assume I don’t need to tell you where babies come from?”

Lauren and Four don’t even bother to hide their grins, and Lauren covers her mouth with her palm, trying to stifle her giggles. Max says nothing, just continues to study the file. Eric chest rises and falls, as his gaze burns into me. Finally, Max looks up and I continue.

“You can’t bring forth the next generation of Dauntless warriors, if you don’t have enough women in the faction to give birth to them. It’s simple male-to-female ratio assessment. I have to say that I’m a little surprised and quite frankly concerned, that this factor wasn’t considered or even thought of when this new procedure was implemented.”

My unspoken taunt hangs in the air as Eric and I stare each other down, and finally, Max turns to Four and Lauren.

“Would you agree that’s accurate?” He asks. Four and Lauren both nod.

“Since we implemented the new cutting procedure, we did have quite a few more males than females pass,” Four says.

Max nods, and I feel a smug satisfaction, seeing how Eric is barely controlling himself right now. Max again gives nothing away, just simply nods. 

“I thank you for bringing my attention to this,” he finally states, and I nod. A giddy feeling is starting to bloom in my chest, but I keep up the appearance of the stoic Dauntless warrior. 

“I’ll review my notes from this meeting, and the recommendations from your trainers, and we’ll let you know at the job selection lottery. You’ll be given three choices, all jobs I think you’d be appropriate for, and you’ll choose from those.” I nod as I stand, taking this as my effective dismissal.

As I move to leave the conference room, I steal one last glance at Eric. Even though I’m not afraid of him, I can’t help but feel a thin ribbon of apprehension at the deadly look on his face. I feel his eyes practically cut me, and my heart start to beat faster. I need to be ready.

I know I probably just but a big red ‘X’ on my back.

* * *

  **PRESENT**

I’ve been throwing myself into work, and tonight is no different. By the time I leave for the day, it’s way past dinnertime. I’ll have just enough time to grab something from the food hall before they close for the night. 

After I finish a chicken salad, I make my way through the Pit to the elevator. To my dismay, I see a ‘broken’ sign on the door. I’m going to have to use the utility one in the stairwell.

As I make my way up the stairs, I hear the exit door open and shut. My heart starts to pound as I hear stomping on the steps. I close my eyes. I already know who’s behind me, without having to turn around. I shake my head and keep walking. As Eric gets closer, I feel a slight twinge of fear, but I resolve to not let him see it. His hand closes on my arm, painfully.

I turn around and yank my arm free. “What the fuck do you want, Eric?” I snap.

His blue eyes bore in to mine. “Where have you been hiding?” He taunts with a smug little smirk, though I think I actually detect a slight hint of annoyance. There’s also a slight tinge of whiskey on his breath, and his eyes are a little glassy.

“I’m not hiding anywhere. I just don’t want to deal with you and your bullshit.”

“I need to talk to you. 

“We have nothing to talk about. Fuck off.” 

He leans in close, with his face practically touching mine. He lowers his lids, and his breathing is elevated. That strange, crackling energy starts coursing between us that I don’t understand. 

His eyes rove over me for a minute, and then meet mine. “Jade,” he whispers, “I told you. When I say I need something from you, that means now, not when you fucking feel like it.” He moves closer. My temper takes over, and I give him a defiant glare and shove him off me.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Because I’ll tell you who you’re not. You’re not my boss, or my man,” I hiss through gritted teeth, my anger getting the best of me. His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and his expression hardens. 

I glare at him. “Tell me what the fuck you want, or get the fuck out of my way.” I unintentionally moved closer, and our faces are now grazing. His eyes whip to me sharply.

“Watch your fucking mouth, Jade.” He growls.

“Watch your own fucking mouth Eric. Once again,  _I don’t belong to you_. You can’t tell me what to do,“ I hiss through gritted teeth. 

His nostrils flare. “What the fuck did you just say?” He growls as he pushes me against the wall.

“You heard me. Just because you think you’re my boss, it doesn’t mean you have the right to man handle me.  Now get your fucking hands off me,” I growl right back.  

Eric looks at me with such unbridled lust, I think I’m going to melt into the floor. As we stare each other down, a strange, pulsating energy is thick in the air, and my breath catches and my abdomen starts to clench. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see his arm twitch. I look him up and down in disgust, then turn back around to keep walking. He jerks me back.

He raises his other arm and backhands me, hard.

“Actually, you stupid little bitch, that’s exactly what it means.” The menace in his voice terrifies me.The force of the blow bounces my head against the brick wall, making me fall sideways. He grabs my arm and shoves me back against the wall, hard enough to leave a bruise. I’m too stunned to react. On the verge of losing control, he grips my jaw with crushing force.

“Now you and I are going to have a little chat in the training room.”

With that, he bends down and sweeps me over his shoulder and stalks out of the stairwell.                                      

* * *

Eric throws open the training room door, and tosses me on the floor in the middle of the room, right by the knife table. He kicks the door closed with his heel and strides toward me. He jerks me up by my shoulders. 

"What the fuck do-”

I head butt him, and tears well in his eyes. His grip loosens, but doesn’t break. Since he’s holding me under my arms my elbows are free, and I promptly jab him in the eye. His grip finally breaks and he drops me. I immediately fall to the floor and sweep my leg out, knocking him off his feet. 

He lunges for me, but misses, and I somersault and land on top of him. I deliver a rapid fury of punches to his face, until he finally catches my wrists by hooking his arm over them and rolling. 

He tries to move on top of me, but I anticipate it and quickly roll to my side so he can’t. I kick him in the ribs, and hear him grunt in pain. I try to get up and scurry away, but he grabs my leg and I fall to the floor with a painful thud. We grapple for a few more minutes.

He punches me in the stomach, and I manage to get the heel of my shoe in his ribs. After a while, after a few kicks and punches are taken on both sides, I finally manage to grab a knife on the table, and I roll on top and hold it to his throat.

We both freeze, panting and spent, though rage and adrenaline is coursing through my body. With my eyes glittering darkly, I just hold it against his throat for a long while. Finally, with venom radiating from my eyes I lean in, my teeth bared.

“Listen to me very carefully, you piece of shit. Do not…ever… _ever_ …mistake me for some weak little stiff, nose, hippie or Candor initiate that you think you can intimidate and smack around for your fucking amusement,” I snarl at him, barely containing my fury. 

“If you ever lay hands on me again, I will not hesitate to slit your fucking throat and laugh while you bleed out. This time you got lucky. Next time  _I’ll fucking kill you_. Are we clear?“ I hiss.  

His eyes flicker with admiration, as well as rage. He just smirks. I press the knife into his throat enough to knick him, and a small trickle of blood runs down his neck. He grunts. "Are we clear Eric? Say it,” I press a little harder. “We’re clear, Jade,” he finally concedes.

“Good.” I glare at him for another long moment, and then slam the knife into the floor an inch from his head. “Oh no, Eric, I think I just saw you flinch, gotta work on your reflexes,” I spit at him as I slowly get up and hobble for the door.

This is far from over, but at least I won this round.

* * *

I unlock my door and slightly limp to the bathroom to inspect the damage. Not too bad. My arms and legs will have bruise prints, but no damage to my face. Nothing makeup can’t cover. I turn the water on to wash the cuts on my knuckles, then freeze as I hear my front door open. 

Now that my rage has ebbed, fear creeps back in. We both just nearly killed each other, and maybe he came here to finish the job. Eric walks into the bathroom, slightly out of breath. I eye him warily in the mirror. 

Bruises are starting to darken on his cheek, and a small streak of blood trickles down his neck, from where I cut him. With our eyes locked, he moves toward me slowly, until he stops right behind me. I close my eyes tightly. I’m too tired to struggle. Whatever happens now, happens. I wait for the first blow.

Instead, I feel his lips on my shoulder. “Relax,” he whispers behind my ear.

He moves my hair to one side and runs his mouth in a hot trail, from my shoulder to my neck and throat, leaving a path of scorching heat in it’s wake.  “I’ve really missed you,” he murmurs as his arms slide down the curve of my hips, then to the front as he unbuttons my jeans.

I can’t help a moan from escaping, as his large hand slides down the smooth skin of my stomach. He circles his other arm around my waist, and one hand covers mine, rubbing my sore knuckles. I wince a little, but his kisses send lust shooting through my veins. My abdomen clenches, distracting me from the pain. I close my eyes, leaning my head back on his shoulder.

He turns me around, and I look up at him through hooded lids. He brings his hand up to cup my cheek, his fingers stroking the side of my face. He moves closer until I’m backed up against the wall. 

He presses his body to mine, his hips pinning me in place. I start to breathe faster as he takes my hand, pressing it to the rock-hard bulge in his jeans. 

“You see what you do to me?” he growls in smoky voice, as he slides my jeans down my legs.

He picks me up as his mouth takes mine. I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to the bed. We strip each other bare, then he lays me on my back. His mouth devours every inch of my body he can reach. 

He runs his hands over my thighs, then takes both of my ankles and pushes them near my ears. He kisses my inner thighs, and my need becomes obvious by my quivering. Eric stands up, then grips both of my ankles and puts them on his shoulders. Gripping my hips, he plunges inside of me.

My eyes roll back, and I grip the bed sheet tightly. Eric keeps his rhythm, and eventually leans over me so that my legs are all the way back by my ears, making my space that much tighter. 

Wow, I’m a lot more flexible than I knew. I let my legs slide from his shoulders to wrap around him as my nails claw at his back, and my tongue duels with his for dominance. I roll over so I’m on top, and Eric grips my waist as I move over him, rocking my hips, taking the full length of him inside me.

He sits up and flips me around so that I’m on my knees with him behind me. I lean over and grip the edge of the bed as he takes control of both of my hips, plunging deep inside me. 

He hits a place he never has, and I scream out in pleasure as my orgasm sears through my body. My back arches and I start to feel faint. He grabs the back of my hair. Though the pain is pleasurable, he really shows no mercy as he rocks into me, again and again. 

I feel the pressure building again, and he makes me come two more times before he finds his release, giving me a third one at the same time.  He collapses over me as we both quake and tremor for a moment afterwards, feeling the aftershocks.

Finally, he rolls off of me and gets up. He pulls on his jeans as he takes a cigarette out of the pocket, stepping out to my balcony. I sigh and roll on my side, my muscles feeling like water. As I start to nod off, I open my eyes as I feel the mattress dip behind me from Eric’s weight.

“What are you doing?” I murmur sleepily as he pulls the covers over us.

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like you think you’re sleeping here tonight.”

“I am.”

“The hell you are! Get the fuck out.”

“No.”

“Eric-“

“Jade, for once in your life shut the fuck up and stop arguing with me just to argue.  _I’m not leaving_. Now go to sleep.” 

“Eric, I’m engaged. I already told you I couldn’t do this any-“

Eric inhales sharply. “Jade,” he cuts in with his most chilling tone, and I jump. “I’m not leaving.” His tone leaves no room for debate.

I feel my yawns attacking me, and I’m too tired to argue. Eric nuzzles my neck as I roll to my side. He wraps his body around mine, with one arm over my shoulder and the other around my waist. There’s nowhere for my arms and hands to go but over his. 

He places soft kisses on my neck to behind my ear. “By the way,” he whispers, “Training initiates is right where you belong. I was actually impressed.” I start to nod off, and shrug. “I don’t give a shit if you’re impressed. Just remember how I kicked your ass, the next time you want to get slap-happy motherfucker.” I settle my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

 He chuckles against my ear, and we both fall into a blissful, sex-induced coma.                              

* * *

 My eyes flutter as I start to stir the next morning. Eric is still wrapped around me, and his arms feel like a steel cage of warmth. Strangely, I feel comfortable and good when he holds me like this, though I know it isn’t real. I sigh and snuggle into the pillow, and close my eyes. 

I can’t deny anymore that Eric makes me feel things I never thought I could…at least physically.  Our sexual chemistry is to the point of being explosive…but that’s all this is. Sex. Nothing more, I tell myself firmly. I try to push Ayden’s face and my guilt away from me.

Just then, Eric starts to stir. I feel his lips on my neck, and to his surprise…. and mine…I sigh and stroke the hands that are around my shoulders and waist with my fingernails. 

He brings a hand to the side of my face and tilts it to his. Our mouths connect, and I feel desire flow through my body like warm honey. Eric shifts so that he’s over me, and I close my eyes in anticipation. I feel Eric’s lips on the base of my throat, and then lower as he moves down my body, still completely bare. I bite my lip and grip the bed sheets, as he runs his hands over my stomach and thighs, then settles between my legs.

I moan as his skilled mouth takes me, and I give in to the sensation.

Eric’s tongue strokes and strokes, showing no mercy. As my back arches and my need for release becomes almost unbearable. “Eric,” I whisper desperately, “please…” I grip his hair as I sit up, but he pushes me back down, and continues his merciless assault. 

My eyes roll back in my head as he continues with his mission, then a moment later, I try my best to stifle my scream, as I shatter into a million pieces. In my euphoric haze, I’m vaguely aware then Eric is making his way back up, then a moment later, I gasp as he enters me in full force. I wrap my legs around him as he surges into me, and my eyes close as the pressure builds again.

“Jade,” he whispers roughly, “open your eyes. Look at me…”

I do as he says, and our eyes connect. My breath catches as strokes the side of my face as we move, and I feel him inhale sharply. My eyes close as our foreheads touch, and to my surprise, he strokes my cheek and kisses me almost tenderly, passionately…lovingly. 

I snap my eyes open. I’m just in a sex-induced delirium, and it’s making me hallucinate. Eric pulls back slightly, and braces himself on his forearms. Before I know what I’m doing, I slide my hands over his arms and shoulders, and then stroke both sides of his face as he reaches his mark. 

Eric throws his head back and closes his eyes as I shatter for the second time with him, my back arching and my hips convulsing.

Eric stays inside me until he feels my body give one last shudder. He collapses on top of me, his head buried in my neck. I feel his lips on my throat as I lightly rake my fingernails across his shoulders and back. 

As we both start to come down off our high, reality sets in again for me that I have to remember that this isn’t real, and keep my head in the game. As Eric rolls away to his side, I exhale slowly, stretch, and then move to get up. Eric turns on his side and watches me as I look for my clothes.

“Where are you going?”

“I have stuff to do.”

“I know your schedule, Jade. You’re off today.”

“Just fucking drop it, Eric. What I do is none of your concern.” 

I sigh, and continue getting dressed. Eric gets up and pulls on a pair of jeans, then comes into the bathroom as I’m brushing my hair. I purposely avoid his eye as he stares at me for a moment.

“How long are you going to keep this up?” he asks.

“Keep up what?”

“Ignoring what’s right in front of your face.”

My heart slams into my chest. My breath catches, and I close my eyes briefly.  I don’t have the guts right now to ask him what he means, and truth be told…deep down I know what he means, but I refuse to acknowledge it.

I just shake my head and move toward the door. “I have to go, Eric,” I reply without looking at him. “You need to leave. I don’t want you here when I get back.” I leave without another word.

I know I can’t avoid this forever. But I can try.


	4. Outtake - Take a Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give a little insight to Eric’s thought process so far. This takes place after the training room incident.  
> some profanity.

Eric leaves the conference center after his meeting with the other leaders. He lights up a cigarette, his mind deep in thought. He’s still on edge from his encounter with Jade. He has to do something to get his aggression and rage out, before he does something he regrets. 

He needs to get his head straight, and the only way he knows how to release is by something physical, like fucking or fighting. The gym seems like the best option, so Eric stalks his way through the Pit to make his way there. He sees a few guys he normally lifts with, and they nod at him. He throws the butt of his cigarette on the ground, and then sits down on the bench. 

He pushes the free weight above him as hard and fast as he can. Sweat starts to pour into his eyes, but he barely feels it. He’s furious with himself. He’s furious with Jade. He’s just fucking furious in general. He’s got to get his shit together.

Eric doesn’t know what’s happening to him. 

He’s always been in control; never letting anyone, never mind a female, get the best of him. He always thought women only serve one purpose, and they’re never to be taken seriously. If one turns out to be a pain in the ass, get rid of her and move on to the next without a single thought. 

He can get the same thing from one that he can get from another. Women, to Eric, are disposable. At least they were, before Jade. He’s certainly never felt bad about hitting one, before her.

Jade has gotten to him, whether he likes it or not. She matters to him, and he wants her to want to be with him, and forget about Ayden. But after what he did last night, he doesn’t know if that’ll even be possible. He throws the weight back on the bar and heads toward the punching bag. 

He’s got to calm down. This is the best way right now. He hits, kicks and punches until his knuckles and legs are bloody. At least this is a pain he can deal with, and is a very welcome distraction. Finally, the bag breaks right off the chain from his force. He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath.

Jade absolutely made the right choice when she picked Dauntless. Any woman that could take him down and had the guts to hold a knife to his throat is truly brave. 

But in actuality… Jade doesn’t know this…but he sort of let her win. 

Eric thought they were going to end up fucking in the training room, so he wasn’t as rough as he could have been. For a second there, he really thought she might actually cut his throat.

It kind of turned him on even more.

Jade never ceases to amaze him. When she walked out of the training room, he thought she’d come back, but she didn’t. When Eric followed her home and walked into the bathroom, it was obvious she was expecting the fight to continue…but that was the last thing on his mind. 

All Eric wanted was to be close to her. She flinched when he touched her, and Eric felt a strange pang in his chest that she thought he wanted to hurt her……….when all he wanted was to be with her.

Last night, he didn’t want to leave Jade. He had some of the best sleep of his life, with her in his arms. He shakes his head with a silent chuckle. Jade wanted him there just as much, she just won’t admit to herself. Eric wipes his face with a towel, then leaves to head back to his apartment.

Once he gets inside, he takes a quick shower, and then pours himself a glass of whiskey. As he steps out to his balcony and lights up a cigarette, he ponders another fact.

It’s time to get serious about the future of his career. If he wants to ascend to the Dauntless throne one day, certain things will be expected of him, and the image he presents. Eric is the only leader that isn’t married or in a relationship heading that way, and the only leader that doesn’t have a child.

And as Jade so blaringly pointed out once, he’s not only expected but required to produce children.

A king needs a queen, and until now, none have been an acceptable option. Eric needs Jade by his side, and so she will be. Willingly or not. Jade is beautiful, smart, and the epitome of a true Dauntless woman. She should be with someone worthy of her, and as Eric sees it, the only one in her league is him. He narrows his eyes.

Not some fool that rides around the city, oblivious to the fact that every time he’s gone, Jade is in his bed, gasping and trembling from what Eric did to her, things Ayden never could.

Jade is the first woman that ever made him feel jealousy, and he doesn’t know where it came from. He has no time or patience for the usual bullshit that he’s seen women try to pull with men. Why should he care if she decides to be with Ayden, as long as she comes back to his bed? He already knows the answer.

He cares because Jade is his. The only bed Eric wants her to be in is his. He wants to be the only one that makes her quake, that makes her come so hard she passes out. Eric wants to be the only one she gets wet for, the only one she feels the need to be inside her immediately.

His eyes narrow, and his jaw clenches as he exhales slowly, a cloud of smoke billowing around his head. He realizes he has to rethink his strategy. His mistake was in thinking that Ayden wasn’t a worthy adversary, and that Jade’s relationship with him would eventually just fizzle out. 

He didn’t put any effort into sabotaging it, because he didn’t think he’d have to.

Eric shakes his head in disgust. Jade has another thing coming, if she thinks he’ll actually let her marry Ayden just to spite him.

He laces his hands over his stomach as he gazes at the setting sun. He has one card to play against Jade if it comes down to it, and he has a feeling that it will. That card is safely locked in his file cabinet, and Eric will use it if he has to. He shrugs. He did tell Jade she could end it, or he would do it for her.

If Jade chooses not to listen, she’ll find out the hard way.


	5. Apples and Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has followed DL, and left encouraging words. This chapter was especially fun to write, and gives a little more of Jade’s backstory. I’m going to catch up on how Eric and Jade began through a few of Jade’s flashbacks, just to answer some questions.  
> In this chapter, Jade gets some unconventional advice from an unlikely source, and we see when Eric’s plan started to form. Enjoy! 
> 
> Warnings: language and sexual situation.

“You ready to go?” Leah asks as she laces up her boots.  I pull my silvery blonde hair back into a ponytail, and zip up my jacket. I glance at her and nod. We’re working out today, starting with a run through the city, then the gym. Rachel and Ashley are coming with us, and we leave to go meet them at the train yard. They’re already there when we get up. 

 "Hey Jade,” Rachel greets me. Aside from Leah, I’d have to say Rachel is my other best friend. “Hey,” I say as we jump on the train. We’re all dressed in black tight pants, tanks, combat boots and jackets. 

I brace myself on the edge of the car, gazing at the passing streets of Chicago. We make small talk on the way, and soon, the Hub is in sight. “Want to just hit the ground running?” Ashley asks. We all nod. “Let’s do it,” I say, as we get ready to leap.

We jump out near the hub, and break into a sprint. The early spring morning is bright, with the sun reflecting off the tall buildings. There’s a gentle breeze in the air as we run through the city streets, which are scattered with people from every faction going to work or just strolling through.  

I do some of my best thinking when I’m running or working out, so I decide to let my mind wander a little. I’m trying to figure out when the turning point of my involvement with Eric began, so I think back to the day I was called into his office after the job selection.

I’d been given 3 options: Leadership Apprentice, Ambassador, and Faction Consultant. All three selections are at the very top of the Dauntless hierarchy, and I was ecstatic. 

I of course chose Ambassador, and I began training for my new position in Dauntless two weeks later. I thought that the whole thing with Eric had blown over, but I was wrong….

* * *

 

**2.5 MONTHS EARLIER**

I’m just starting to stir when there’s a knock at my door. I blink sleepily and look at the clock. 5:45 AM.  _Who the fuck is at my door this early?_ I grumble to myself. I yawn, and the knock comes again, this time more insistent. 

“Okay, Okay,” I say and swing my feet out of bed. Thinking it’s probably Leah, I don’t bother with a robe, and yawn as I open the door. “What the hell is so important, it couldn’t wait until-” I freeze. 

It’s not Leah, but a tall, muscular Dauntless guy, that I think works in the council office. Brady, I think his name is? “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else. Can I help you?” I look at him bewildered. He just nods. 

“Hey, Jade. Eric sent me up here, to tell you he wants to see you in his office today. He said the earlier the better, which is why I’m here right now.” I just look at him, baffled.

“It’s not even six am yet. What the fuck does he want at this hour?”  

“I honestly don’t know. He didn’t say, and I didn’t ask.” He looks at me and shrugs. 

“All right. Just let me get dressed, and I’ll be right out.” 

I shake my head in disgust. Even though I’m no longer an initiate, Eric is still a Dauntless leader, and has a certain measure of authority over those who aren’t. I’d hoped to be rid of Eric now that I’m a member, but I guess no such luck. 

I go to my closet and pull out black pants, a black tank, and my combat boots, and brush my hair. I’m not going to bother with makeup. I pull my black jacket on, and meet Brady outside my door.

I know Eric is still probably pissed about what happened at the meeting, but why is he dragging my ass down here at this ungodly hour? My curiosity grows as we get near Eric’s office. Brady knocks on the door. 

“Come in,” Eric says behind it. We enter his office, and Eric is seated at his desk, looking at a file. He doesn’t look up. “Have a seat, Jade.” He motions for Brady to leave by nodding towards the door. The door clicks behind Brady, and I sit across from Eric. 

Neither of us speak for a while, and I feel my irritation start to grow. He continues reading the file, and then closes it and puts it in his desk. Finally, he looks at me and strokes his chin.

“How are you liking Dauntless life, Jade?” He says in a low voice, eyes boring into mine.

My skin crawls. He called me in here this early to make small talk? “I’ve been Dauntless my whole life Eric,” I start to retort, but stop when I see the look on his face. “It’s not that much different as a member than it is as a dependent,” I say after a while. He nods.

"Well, judging by the rankings, I’d say you made the right choice on Choosing Day. Congratulations again on ranking first.” He knits his palms, and places his massive, muscled arms on his desk. 

“Thank you,” I reply, trying to keep the disdain out of my voice. Why am I in here? What does he want? If Eric is doling out pleasantries, something is definitely up.

Suddenly, his expression hardens slightly, and my full attention is captured. “As you know, I’m in charge of the initiate program, and even though you are no longer an initiate, your progress in Dauntless for the first few months is carefully monitored. You’re watched, to make sure the right decision was made in making you a member. Your conduct is a direct reflection on me, and on your instructors. I’m asking you right now if there are going to be any issues I should be made aware of, problems that may arise.” He looks at me expectedly.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “None that I can think of, Eric.” He stares at me for what seems like an eternity, and then picks up another file on his desk, with my picture on it. He glances at it, and then slowly lifts his eyes back to mine. 

“You’re positive on that? You’re sure?” He glances at my file again, and then back at me. I purse my lips and once again bite back a smart-ass reply. He seems to be enjoying my irritation. There’s a slight smirk on his face, and his eyes are full of malice. 

“Yes, Eric, I’m sure. Is there something in particular you think might be an issue?” I look at him unwaveringly. He’s toying with me, and it’s really pissing me off.

“I’ll ask the questions here, Jade,” He states in a commanding voice, making me jump a little. To my alarm, he gets up suddenly and places himself on the edge of the desk, his knees grazing mine. My first instinct is to recoil. But there’s also a strange tension I feel as well. 

Eric is looking at me like I’m sitting here naked. The way his eyes rove over me, I feel like he’s taking my clothes off as they linger. I try to suppress a shudder. “Being that you chose to be an Ambassador, there are a few things we need to be clear about.” His eyes burn in to mine. 

I just nod. What the hell is it to him, what I chose to do? This whole situation is weird.

He answers my silent question. “You see, you won’t just be watched within Dauntless itself, you’ll be watched by all other factions as well, and proper appearance and presentation is key. Physically, you are the perfect female to be a representative of Dauntless.” His eyes rove over me again, sending a strange, nervous energy throughout my body. 

“However, with you not being exposed much to other factions outside of Dauntless, there are certain mannerisms and finesse that must be utilized when discussing business with other faction representatives. You are all Dauntless, Jade, and maybe a bit…rough around the edges, so to speak.”  His unspoken insult isn’t lost on me, and my eyes narrow.

He continues after a moment. “So for the time being, you’ll need a more seasoned Dauntless member to accompany you on trips to other factions, until the learning process is completed.” He leans forward slightly, and my breath quickens. 

Why is he so close to me right now? What he said isn’t that bad. Its kind of what I expected, and I would want to go with someone anyway.  But why is he telling me this? This isn’t his…oh no. My eyes widen as it dawns me.

He nods, confirming my suspicion. “I’ll be the one accompanying you.”

I will myself to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t stop myself in time. “You?! Why?” It comes out harsher than I mean it to. His eyebrows raise, and an amused smirk forms on his face. I clear my throat and take a deep breath. 

“What I mean is, why would you be the one to go with me? You’re a Dauntless leader. Isn’t babysitting a little beneath you? Surely you have more important things to worry about. It’s not even your area.” He shifts forward again, so now his face is inches from mine and I can feel his breath on my cheek.

“You’re correct in that assumption, Jade, but actually, I’m the one that suggested that it be me. Like I said, I need to keep my eye on you. This is the best way. You don’t have a problem with that, now do you Jade?” He drags out the ‘J’ on my name, likening himself to a snake. Which is exactly what I’m picturing him as right now. 

Even though I’m screaming inside, I force a smile to my face.

“No. There shouldn’t be any issues.” I try not to gag. His smile holds a hint of malice. “Good. Because we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other, even more than when you were an initiate.” His gaze is unwavering, sending chills up my spine. All I can do is nod. 

Eric shifts gears again. “One more thing, Jade. It takes exactly seven minutes to get from your apartment to my office. Why did it take you twenty?” He looks at me expectedly.

“What?” I say, totally confused and caught off guard.

“My question was clear. Why did it take three times longer for you? Did Brady not tell you I needed to see you ASAP?” Eric says sharply.

“Well…. Eric I was…. I was sleeping when he knocked on the door. I had to get dressed. I couldn’t walk down here in what I sleep in….”

His eyes rove over me again. It’s like his gaze has me in a trance. “Believe me, Jade, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. But when I say I need or want something from you now, that means  _now_ , and not twenty minutes later. For all intents and purposes, I am your boss, and you need to do what I decree without question or hesitation. Are we clear on that?” He leans in, his face an inch from mine. 

I just nod my head, trying to bite my tongue. My smart mouth has already gotten me in enough trouble. His expression hardens, and my breath catches. “Are…we…clear…Jade? Answer me,” he demands with gritted teeth.

I surprise myself by not knocking him on his ass. “We’re clear, Eric,” I snap somewhat defiantly, through my own gritted teeth.

He smiles. “Good. That was all. You can go now.” He leans back, but doesn’t move, and I rise from my chair hurriedly without thinking, desperate to leave. As I stand up, where Eric’s face was only an inch from my face is now only an inch from my chest. 

My breath catches again, and Eric’s eyes flick from my breasts, to my lips, and finally to my eyes. His pupils are blown wide, and fingers look clenched at his sides, like he’s about to reach for me. What he’s thinking is conveyed in his eyes. I sidestep him and hurry out the door, feeling his gaze on me as I leave. As I practically run back to my apartment, I feel the hair on the back of my neck rise.  

I shake my head in disgust. All Eric is trying to do is assert his dominance. He thinks he’s going to get to me with his little jabs about ‘doing what he says when he says to do it’ and so forth. My eyes narrow.

He really doesn’t want to play this game with me, and he’s about to find that out the hard way.                                             

* * *

 As I come out of my reverie, I lean over and rest my hands on my knees as I try to catch my breath. Leah catches up to me, panting , her long brown hair swinging in a ponytail behind her. “Whew,” she says as places with her hands on her hips, “I’m getting pretty good at this.” I nod in agreement, breathless. Rachel and Ashley trot in behind us, equally out of breath.

The girls and I have been running for a little over an hour, and my muscles are like water. We stop to take a break, and I lean against the side of a building for a moment. “Whew,” I pant as I check my pulse. Rachel takes a sip of her water.

“So what’s going on tonight? Anything?” She asks.

“Not really. Just hanging at the Pit, as far as I know,” Leah says. 

I shake my head. “I’m having dinner with my mom tonight, but it won’t be too late. I could hang out afterward,” I offer and the others nod.

“That’s always fun.” Leah grins, and then something catches her eye over my shoulder. I turn around, and see an older, factionless woman staring at me. 

Her eyes are rounded, and she looks like she’s seen a ghost. She wears an old Dauntless jacket over an old yellow Amity dress, and the gray boots of the Abnegation. She tentatively takes a step towards me, and I instinctively back away. She doesn’t look in her right mind.

 "Tamra?“ She whispers, stunned.

My breath catches. She thinks I’m my mother, whom I heavily favor. We’re both tall and blond, with the same build. I stare back at her, confused. How does this woman know my mother? Before I can speak, she steps towards me again with tears in her eyes. "I can’t believe it,” she whispers, “I didn’t think you survived…. how can this be…” She stops as she steps closer, and sees I’m not who she thinks I am.

“Oh, I’m so sorry…. I thought you were someone else,” she says as she rubs her forehead. I see she’s about my mother’s age. I smile kindly at her. “Yes, well you’re partially right. I’m Tamra’s daughter, Jade. And you are?” I wait for her answer, but she shakes her head and smiles at me. “No one, dear. I apologize for bothering you.” She quickly hurries away, stealing a glance at me as she goes. Leah watches her, then turns to me. “Who was that?” She asks.

“Someone who thought I was my mother. We look a lot alike.”

“What didn’t she think your mom survived?” Ashley asks.

“I have no idea…. that was weird.” I shake my head, bewildered.

“Maybe she went through initiation with your mom, and didn’t make it,” Leah theorizes.

“It’s possible.” 

Rachel shrugs. “Don’t sweat it Jade. That woman is obviously nuts. Most factionless are…” I nod and take a deep breath. “Yeah…I’m sure you’re right. That was just strange. You guys ready?” We all sprint back toward the train, and as we leap on, I catch sight of the woman again on the street. She nods at me, and I smile back at her. The train carries me away, and I tuck the question Ashley asked earlier away in my mind.

What didn’t she think my mother survived?                                     

* * *

 Later that night, I jump off of the train near Millennium Park to meet my mom. We have dinner together at least once a week, and tonight we agreed to go outside of the compound. 

I love my mom dearly, and I’m grateful we’re still in the same faction. She and I are the only family we have left since my Dad has been gone, and my mom had to raise me alone. Even though it was years ago, I know some wounds never fully healed for her. Even though he was far from perfect and despite everything that had happened, I know she loved my father. 

In the span of a week, life as she knew it changed forever.

When my dad was tried before the Dauntless council, the head leader at the time, Derrick, convicted him of the drunken attack on my mother. I remember how he stood in front of the leaders, his head bowed and his hands knit together. One by one, each leader made their recommendations for his sentence. Max was Derrick’s second-in-command then. When it came time, he didn’t miss a beat. Whereas some leaders had recommended he be stripped of his title as a firefighter and sent to guard the wall, Max had a different answer. 

“Factionless,” he’d growled, his eyes piercing into my dad.

Other leaders on the council agreed, and majority won. I remember how my mother sank down into her chair with her head in her hands. Once Derrick handed down my father’s sentence of exile, with it came an automatic and instant divorce from my mom. He was immediately taken to a holding room, while guards came to our unit to take anything that we wanted him to leave with.After he collected what little belongings he had, he was escorted from the compound and taken to the train station. I’d climbed up to the roof, my little ten-year-old body shaking from trying to hold in my tears. Just before he got on the train to head for the factionless sector, he looked up at me. His eyes were full of sorrow and regret, and I just stood there, locked in his gaze until the train carried him away.

I never saw my father again. He died a few years later, when he passed out on the train tracks in a drunken stupor.

I try to shake those thoughts from my head, as I see her sitting on a weathered old bench outside the cafe, waiting for me. She looks up and returns my smile, then gets up to greet me.

Like me, Tamra Crawford is tall with my same athletic, muscle-toned build. We have the exact same silvery shade of blonde hair, and the same eye coloring and complexion. My mom had me at nineteen, so we’re often mistaken for sisters instead of mother and daughter. 

I give her a big hug as she reaches me. “Hey baby girl,” she says affectionately, rubbing my back like she did when I was little. “Hi mom,” I greet her. We go inside and get our table and sit down. After we order, she folds her hands on the table and smiles at me.

“So, what’s new with you? How’s my soon-to-be-son-in-law?”

I groan with a smile as I take a sip of my water. “Amity would know more than I would,” I say wryly. She furrows her brows at me, and I shrug. 

“He’s been at Amity for a few days now, organizing security detail around their compound. I haven’t seen him.” My mom nods, looking thoughtful. “Why? What’s going on? Or…can you not say?” she asks. I just shrug.

“Something about factionless trying to attack the supply trucks. Ayden was put in charge of a squad to patrol their compound.”

“When will he come back?”

“He doesn’t know. As soon as an efficient system is put in place, I guess.”

“Will that affect your wedding?”

“Not really. We haven’t set a date yet.”

“What? Why not?”

I sigh as I look up and roll my eyes. “Mom, he only proposed a little while ago. We haven’t really had time to discuss anything, and right now, both of our jobs take precedence. We have plenty of time to get married. It can wait.” She regards me in a studious manner, and my alarm is raised. It’s the same look Leah gives me, right before she mind-fucks me with her Candor tricks. Finally, she clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and shrugs.

“Well, you’ll have to forgive me. I’m excited that my only child is getting hitched,” she says wryly, shaking her head. I roll my eyes, but laugh with her. All of a sudden, she closes her eyes for a moment, and takes a deep breath.

“Are you sure that’s the only reason you’re putting it off?” She asks gently, and I whip my eyes to hers.

“Yes…why would you ask?” 

My heart hammers in my chest as she leans across the table and takes my hand. For some reason, it makes me want to cry, but I bite my lip. “Jade,” she says softly, and a lump forms in my throat. 

“I’m your mother, and I know when something is bothering you. You haven’t been yourself lately, and I can’t help but notice that you seem less than enthused about your wedding.” She keeps a steady gaze on me as my mouth opens in protest.

“Mom, I told you, we’re both just busy, I haven’t really had-“

“Jade,” she cuts in, holding up her hand. “Honey, please. There’s no need to skirt around the issue here.” She gives my hand a squeeze, then gives me a wry half-smile.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” she whispers.

I shake my head vigorously. “Mom! Why would you even…”I exclaim, a little louder than I intended. Panic rises, and I try to keep my composure. I take a deep breath and force a smile to my face. 

“I’m maybe just a little nervous about getting married so soon. Ayden and I have only been dating for a little over a year, and it just seems to be going fast,” I explain with a half-hearted, pained smile.

My mom shakes her head slightly, and I know she’s not buying it. I purposely avoided her question, as I can’t lie to my mom even if I wanted to. She’d see right through me. “Honey…” she begins, and reaches over and takes my hand. 

“It’s okay. You can tell me…especially since I already know. There’s someone else involved here, right?” she asks gently, and that’s my undoing. With tears forming in my eyes, I finally nod slightly, and bite my lip, trying not to cry. She immediately gives me a sympathetic squeeze.

“That someone is Eric Coulter, isn’t it?”

My jaw drops open. How could she possibly know about…She glances around for a moment, then leans in to whisper.

“I went to bring you some things from your room the other day. When I got off on your floor, I saw him leave your apartment, and it was very early in the morning. He also looked like he was wearing clothes from the night before.” She leans back and looks at me evenly.

“Jade, it may have been a while for me, but I can still do the math. And judging from the look on your face right now, that wasn’t the first time…and it probably won’t be the last, either.”

She gazes at me, and I give up. Like a dam bursting, I tell her everything that’s happened since my placement meeting, sparing no details. I tell her about the first time Eric and I slept together, how I’d tried to stop it after that, but somehow wound up in his apartment in his bed every time Ayden was on patrol. 

She listens as I express my confusion and frustration, and then nods. She takes both of my hands.

“Baby girl, you are weaving a very tangled web here. Trust me; you don’t want to play this game, especially with a council leader. I’m no Erudite, so I can’t tell you the logical thing to do. But I will say you need to heed me on this; make a decision and make it fast. You have to cut one of them loose. Council leaders don’t like to share.”

I toss my napkin on the table in frustration. “That’s just fucking it,” I hiss in despair. “I tried to cut Eric loose. He won’t go away. What’s more, is that I don’t think he ever will.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, and my mom’s jaw sets in a determined line. 

“Well,” she begins. “In this situation, there’s really only one thing you can do.” She leans back in her chair and I look at her expectedly. “And that is…” I say slowly. She lips twist in a coy smile.

“Hold off on the wedding for a while, and let nature run it’s course.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is, do what you have to do to get Eric out of your system, and let him get tired of you.” 

My eyes round in disbelief. “Mom,” I whisper incredulously, “Are you seriously telling me to keep sleeping with him, even though I’m engaged to Ayden?” I don’t believe it even as I say it. She shrugs, and leans in again.

“Jade, were Dauntless, not stiffs. We’re not exactly known for being pillars of chastity and virtue….or fidelity for that matter. You don’t have Ayden’s last name just yet, and you’re young. Believe me, it’s going to happen either way. Get it out of your system now, before you have a wedding ring on your finger.”

She nods at me with a determined smile. “And it sounds like you really don’t have a choice. Trust me. Men like Eric and Max, or leaders in general, don’t keep the same woman for very long. Make him think he won, then he’ll get bored and it’ll be over. Just be smart about it, and don’t get yourself busted with Ayden, with whom you belong.” She folds her hands in front of her. 

I arch my brow at her curiously. “Mom….you kinda sound like you would know something about this,” I say slowly, and she shrugs with a small smile.

“Apples and trees, Jade. You are my daughter….and that’s all I’ll say for now.”

We finish our meal, and as we’re walking to the train station, I suddenly remember what I wanted to ask her. 

“Oh, mom, I forgot to tell you. Something kinda weird happened today.” I sit on the bench, and she sits beside me. “What’s that?” She asks.

“I was jogging in the city with my girlfriends, when a factionless woman approached me, thinking I was you.”

“A factionless woman? I don’t know any factionless.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. But what was strange is that she thought you were dead.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, she said that she ‘didn’t think you survived’. I thought for a minute that she had just mistaken you for someone else, but she called you Tamra.” 

My mom doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I turn to look at her, and become slightly alarmed. Her face has gone pale, and her brow is furrowed, like it is when she’s nervous. 

“Mom? Do you know her?” I ask, my curiosity growing. My mom finally looks at me, and shrugs with a casual smile.

“I don’t think so, but I could be wrong. Did she look like she used to be Dauntless?”

“Well, she was in rags, so it was hard to tell…but she was about your same age.”

“Oh, well then she probably knew me from before I was in Dauntless, and she didn’t make it through initiation or something.”

“Before you were ‘in’ Dauntless? You’re Dauntless-born…”

My mom quickly whips her head towards me. “As a member and not a dependent, I mean,” she says. Her face twists in a scowl. I’m still confused. 

“But what wouldn’t she think you survived?” A pained look comes over her face, and my heart thuds.

“Maybe she knew about your father.”

A heavy silence falls between us, as we wait for the train. Just then the ground starts to rumble, and the horn sounds. We jump on it as it passes by, and land in the car with a thud. We make small talk as the city lights start to twinkle, bathing the city in a gentle glow.

We get off the train as it pulls into Dauntless, dusting ourselves off. As we make our way towards the entrance, I notice a sleek, large utility vehicle outside. The Dauntless mainly use vans, motorcycles, and the patrol cars, so I know it’s not one of ours. I furrow my brow as we pass them.

“Erudite?” I ask.

“yeah, that looks like the Council transport car.” 

“What are they doing at Dauntless this late?”

“Noses never really sleep, Jade. Too many things to learn.” 

Just as we enter the tunnel, two double doors open to our left. Flanked on both sides by armed guards, several Erudite officials walk through them, led by Max, Eric, two other leaders, and Jeanine Matthews.The clacking of high heels echoes off the concrete walls as Jeanine gets near, and the smell of sickeningly sweet rose scented perfume is so strong it makes my eyes start to water. 

Jeanine’s silver eyes are as pale as her hair and skin. She’s all sharp angles, and has a cold, cruel look about her. She’s dressed immaculately in a tailored, dark navy blue suit, and her ashen hair is pulled back into a tight twist. Something about her makes my skin crawl, I just can’t place what it is. She stops as she sees us, and gives an icy smile.

“Tamra,” She greets with a cold politeness. “Good to see you. It’s been ages.”

“Hello Jeanine,” my mom greets in return. 

Her eyes turn to me, and I suppress a shudder. “And this must be your daughter. You’re one of the ambassadors for Dauntless…. Jade, isn’t it?” she asks coolly with a fake smile, and I return it. 

“Yes…good evening Ms. Matthews,” I try to match in her same tone. She nods, shifting her tablet in her hands.

“Yes, the resemblance is remarkable. I knew when I last saw you at Erudite, you looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it. ” She turns back to my mother. “You must be very proud. Jade has proved to be an invaluable asset to Dauntless. Her work as an Ambassador has been very effective…though no less would be expected from the first-ranked initiate.” Jeanine says it as a compliment, but for some reason it sounds like a warning. 

I just nod, almost forcibly clenching my jaw shut before I say something I shouldn’t.

I feel Eric’s gaze on me, though I purposely avoid it as I feel it practically fucking me as we stand here. That weird energy pulses between us, and my heartbeat quickens.  My mom glances at him, and then at me. I instinctively move behind her, as she understands what I’m trying to do, and she shifts slightly helping me block Eric’s view. Jeanine once again turns her attention to me, and I stiffen my spine in response.

“The next time you’re at Erudite, do stop in and say hello…perhaps we can have lunch, schedule permitting,” she says, and I try to hide the confusion on my face. “Of course, Ms. Matthews,” I say automatically, and glance at Max, and to my surprise, see that his gaze is trained on my mom. 

He’s looking at her like Eric is looking at me, though she’s purposely avoiding his eye as well. What the…

“I’m sure I’ll see you at the Founder’s Ball in a few weeks, yes?” she inquires, interrupting my train of thought. I nod, with a fake smile plastered across my face. “Yes, I’ll be there with my fiancé,” I state purposely, hearing Eric’s sharp inhale. To my surprise, the smile on Jeanine’s face falters for a moment.

“Oh, your fiancé? Well I guess congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you.” 

Unless I’m imagining it, I think I see her glance sideways at Eric, as does Max. A look of disapproval seems to be in her cold gray eyes.  I silently shake my head.  _Pull your shit together_ , I think to myself.  _Why would Jeanine give a shit about that_? My mom links her arm through mine. 

“Well, we really must be going, and I don’t want to take up any more of your time,” she states, looking at Jeanine. “Of course, Tamra. Again, it was good to see you. Good night,” she dismisses with a haughty tone, her gaze lingering on me for a moment, then to briefly look at Eric. I keep my eyes averted, though I can still feel his presence hanging in the air as they disappear down the tunnel.

As we make our way to the Pit, I turn an accusing eye on my mom. “What?” She asks. I click my tongue at her.

“Do you need a cigarette?”

“What? You know I don’t smoke.”

“Do you need a cigarette,” I repeat. “Because Max just fucked you six different ways in his mind as we stood there. Want to tell me what that’s all about?” 

“I told you, Jade. Apples and trees.” 

“That’s disgusting.” 

She giggles as we get to the center of the Pit. All of the Dauntless apartment buildings and compound are connected through the old subway system that once ran through Chicago, with a set of elevators for each tunnel. 

My mom still lives in the unit I grew up in, and her building is different from mine. She hugs me as we leave to go home, and I close my eyes and rest my head on her shoulder, like I did when I was little.

“I love you, my baby girl,” she whispers as she palms my hair. “And I don’t care what time it is, or whatever reason. You can always come home if you need to talk or anything,” she declares in a whisper, and I squeeze her harder. 

“I love you to, Mom. I’ll see you soon,” I whisper. We say goodnight, and I head to my elevator. I shake my head with a smirk as I ride up.

 Apples and trees couldn’t be more right. It explains a lot.                               

* * *

My conversation with my mom weighed heavily on my mind, and I didn’t really feel like hanging out tonight, so I decided to go home and turn in early. After I take a shower, I go out to my balcony and plop down into the chaise lounge. As I gaze at the full moon, everything my mom and I talked about runs through my mind, with the same questions barraging me.

What the fuck am I doing? Why do I continue to do it? Can I really do this? Can I continue to be unfaithful to Ayden, who loves me, and risk everything? Is Eric worth it? Will this actually work? Will Eric really just get tired and toss me aside? Do I really want him to?

Before long, I start to feel my eyes drooping, and I decide that I’m just going to go to bed and deal with everything later. I climb into bed, and drift into a peaceful slumber……….                                

* * *

 I’m walking along the water’s edge, relishing the feel of the water gently lapping over my toes. The lights of the city twinkle beautifully in the setting sun, and I close my eyes as the warm breeze washes over me. I’m wearing a black sundress with spaghetti straps, and I feel it all over my body, caressing me in gentle waves. 

I feel happy, relaxed and at ease. I sigh as I slowly stroll along the lakefront. I should get back to the compound soon. I turn towards the water and gently let my toes sink into the sand for one more moment. “What a beautiful view,” a voice behind me says suddenly, and my heart races.

It’s Ayden’s voice.

I smile as I turn around. Ayden stands there, looking at me intently. “Hi,” I whisper almost shyly as he smiles slightly and steps toward me. “It is pretty out here,” I whisper as he stops an inch away from me. 

“I was talking about you,” he whispers as he wraps his arms around me, then his mouth takes mine. I close my eyes as I melt into his strong arms, and moan against his mouth. 

Ayden runs his hands down my body, gently gathering the loose fabric of my dress in his hand as is other hand slowly moves along my bare skin, making me tingle. All of a sudden, another pair of hands slide over my shoulders, and I feel lips on my neck.

“She is beautiful, isn’t she,” Eric’s voice purrs in my ear.

I turn my head to face him, and Eric brings his mouth to mine as he slowly places his fingers under my spaghetti straps, sliding them from my shoulders. He slides my dress off my body. I’m completely bare underneath. 

As Eric stands behind me, our mouths connected, Ayden gently kisses his way down, starting at my neck. He kisses my throat, breasts, and slides his hands over the gentle curve of my hips as he kisses my stomach. He’s on his knees , and I feel his hands at the apex of my thighs. Eric runs his tongue along my lower lip as he massages my breasts, and my body reacts to both touches.

I moan into Eric’s mouth and start to quiver, as I feel Ayden’s tongue stroking the sensitive button between my legs.

My back arches as Ayden’s tongue continues to stroke and stroke, and I knot one hand in Ayden’s hair, as the other goes around Eric’s neck. After a while, I sink down to the ground on my knees, and Ayden leans back and undoes his pants. 

“My turn,” he whispers roughly as he lays back, and Eric moves behind me. I kiss my way down his hard, chiseled chest, swirling the black flames of Ayden’s tattoo with my tongue. I slowly suck the sensitive skin above his cock, then lick his head fleetingly.

As I take Ayden into my mouth, Eric grips my hips and plunges into me from behind.

I gasp as Eric sets a steady rhythm, and I’m so wet, I feel my arousal dripping down my thighs. I slide Ayden all the way to the back of my throat, and stroke him with my tongue. His hips start to buck, and he throws his head back and hisses. 

I move to slide Eric out of me so I can slide Ayden in, but all of a sudden Eric grips my hair and pulls me up. Our mouths connect again, and our tongues tangle wildly. Then Eric pushes me forward again. I look down, startled.

Ayden is no longer here.

As Eric hits that sweet spot deep inside me, my back arches, and my eyes close as my head goes back. Eric keeps rocking into me, then grips my hips and rolls me onto my back. He kisses me deeply, as his hand strokes the place Ayden’s mouth just left. I close my eyes and arch my back, as he puts his lips next to my ear.

“Jade,” he whispers, “This pussy is mine. The only man who will make you come, is me,” he says, then buries himself to the hilt inside me. 

“Eric!” I cry out, as I feel the full length of his cock.  I start to move with him as he surges into me. After a while, we shift so that I’m straddling him. Eric grips my hip with one hand as his other strokes between my legs, as I ride him furiously. I grip his arm as I feel pure pleasure and heat wash over me, and as the pressure builds, Eric looks at me intensely.

“Come, Jade.  _Now_ ,” he demands through clenched teeth. 

My body responds to his words, and I shatter into a million pieces.

As I gather my wits about me, the ground beneath me changes. Instead of sand, I feel fabric. I look down, and see that I’m not on the lakefront, but in my bed. I blink my eyes slowly, confused. I rub my forehead, still trying to catch my breath. 

Am I in a simulation? That felt raw and real. I exhale slowly, and stare at the ceiling. Holy shit. It was a dream. And what a dream at that. Jesus, if I wasn’t confused before, I sure as shit am now. All of a sudden, I feel another presence. I look over, and startle when I see Eric draped beside me on the bed. He grins at me knowingly.

“Have a nice dream, Jade?” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m evil to end it there, but I’ll make it up in the chapter :) Stay tuned!


	6. Outtake - Cream of the Crop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after Jade and Tamra run into Jeanine and the other leaders in Dauntless. This is a little bit of insight to Eric’s thought process, and his reaction to finding Jade dreaming about him. Enjoy! 
> 
> Warnings: Language, sexual suggestion

_Bitch_ , Eric silently seethes, as he, Jeanine, Max and the other officials make their way out of Dauntless. 

He keeps his face stoic and his icy exterior intact, though rage is simmering in his veins. His temper starts to flare, as he thinks of how Jade baited him by mentioning she’d be at the Founder’s Ball with Ayden. Guards open the doors as they leave, and Jeanine motions for the others go on, as she turns to Eric and Max.

“The serum is in the final stages of development, and we should be able to proceed in the scheduled timeframe. Once we procure the proper test subjects, we can begin to perfect the process and work out any kinks. I don’t anticipate any complications to arise, though measures will be taken in that event.” She shifts her tablet in her hand as they wrap up small business matters, and then Max excuses himself to take a call from his wife.

Jeanine turns to Eric, and he immediately is put on the defensive. Jeanine is a cancer he can’t seem to be rid of, and he’s not in the mood for her shit right now, especially after this little encounter with Jade and her mother.  Jeanine smooth’s her skirt and picks an invisible piece of lint from her jacket, then looks up.

“I trust you have a handle on your situation?” she inquires quietly, as her cold gray eyes pierce into his. Eric nods, stroking his chin for a moment. “It’s under control, Jeanine.” He keeps his temper in check as she nods, giving a small sigh.

“I don’t suppose I need to remind you of how imperative it is that-“

“No, Jeanine, you don’t. And as I already stated, it’s under control.” 

“This… ‘Fiancé’ of hers…. is it going to present an issue?”

“No. He won’t hold that title for long, either. I guarantee it.”

His chilly, commanding tone leaves no room for argument, and Jeanine gives him an almost proud smile. Eric suppresses a sigh of disgust as she moves slightly closer, the strong scent of her perfume making him nauseous. It always has.

“I only want the best for you, Eric. She’s the best… and you need her with you.  _We_  need her.”

Eric nods, willing himself to keep his hands to his side, and not put them around her throat. A long silence passes between them, then she puts a hand on his arm. Eric resists the urge to slap it away. 

This bitch truly makes his skin crawl, and he doesn’t want Jade involved in anything with Jeanine, and whenever she so much as mentions Jade, something in Eric makes him want to aim his gun at her and fire.

But he won’t, because he can’t protect Jade if he’s dead or factionless.

Jeanine takes a deep breath. “I’m pleased with the progression you’ve made in Dauntless, Eric. You’ve truly proven to be everything I’d hoped and envisioned you to be here. I knew you were the right choice,” She states quietly, to Eric’s surprise. 

Her smile actually seems genuine this time, and he shifts uncomfortably, not knowing what to say. To his relief, Max walks up at that moment. Jeanine’s placid smile is once again in place, and she moves to get in the car.

“I thank you for a productive meeting, gentlemen. I’ll be in touch.” She nods at them, and Max and Eric return it. Her driver helps her into the vehicle, and they disappear down the deserted street. As soon as they’re gone, Max turns to Eric. 

“Come join me for a drink,” he says, and Eric nods, his curiosity piqued. Max never really interacts with him outside of the council.  

They make their way back to the Pit, and enter the sectioned-off lounge that’s reserved for leaders and the upper tier of Dauntless. An attractive brunette is behind the bar, and she perks up as she sees Max and Eric. 

“The usual, sir?” she calls to Max, and he nods. She fills a short tumbler with ice, then pours scotch over it. She sets it in front of him, and turns to Eric with a flirtatious smile. “And what can I get you, sir?” she coos, with a slight wink.

“Whiskey, neat.”

Her smile falters at his clipped tone, picking up on the fact that he’s not interested. She quickly makes his drink and slips away quietly. Max takes a sip of his scotch, then pulls out a cigarette. 

“So,” he says as he cups his hand to light it, “How long are you really going to let Jade keep this up?” he asks, and Eric raises his brows in surprise. Max rolls his eyes as he exhales, the puff of smoke circling them.

“You’re fucking Jade, right?” he asks in a bored tone, making a small wave with his hand.

He looks at Eric expectedly, and Eric stares at him for a moment, then shrugs. “Yes. For a while now,” he admits as he pulls out his own cigarette. Max nods, and strokes his chin. 

Eric has always seen eye-to-eye with Max, and one reason they get along is because neither one of them has the time or patience for bullshit. There’s no need to deny his involvement with Jade. Max looks at him squarely.

“And it’s more than just sport-fucking for you, isn’t it?”

Eric smirks, and takes a sip of his whiskey. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t have to. Max takes another drag of his cigarette, then continues.

“I’ve known Jade since she was a little girl. She’s feisty, like her mom. Just as smart and beautiful as her, also. Jade is allllll Tamra,” Max chuckles quietly, and a strange look comes over his face. 

Eric smirks and takes a drag of his cigarette. “Yeah, I have to admit, seeing Jade with her mom kinda made me have some thoughts I shouldn’t have,” Eric chuckles, and Max grins. 

“You wouldn’t be the first, and you won’t be the last. I myself was wondering if Emily would consider a sister wife for a moment.” He and Eric both chuckle, then Eric tips his jaw at him.

“So how long were you fucking Tamra? Why’d you stop…or did you?”

Max doesn’t say anything, and Eric thinks for a moment that he might’ve overstepped his bounds. Max looks straight ahead as he takes a long drag of his cigarette, then shrugs. 

“Some pretty bad shit went down, and we had to step back.” Eric can tell this is an area that Max doesn’t want to visit right now, so he drops it. Max takes another sip of his scotch, then turns to him.

“So… the fiancé… I gather you have a plan in place for that?”

“Of course. It’s already in the works. 

Max nods in approval, stroking his chin. “If you really want her, don’t wait too long.” Eric nods in agreement. “Yeah I know, believe me.” Max exhales loudly, and gives him an even stare. 

“You need to listen to me on this, Eric. Word of advice, that I wish someone had given me back then.” Eric’s full attention is captured, and he meets Max’s eye with his own hardened one.

“Jade is a one-in-a-million find in Dauntless. Look around. Aside from Tamra, you know of any other woman in this faction that even remotely compares to her?”

Max waits for a moment, then continues. “Seriously, Eric, she’s good for you. She’s good for Dauntless. Handle your shit, and lock her down. If you don’t, her fiancé, or someone else will. Maybe even me,” He deadpans without a trace of humor, and Eric knows that an unspoken command has been decreed.

But this is one he will follow without hesitation.                       

* * *

 

After he and Max leave the bar, Eric pulls out his phone to call Jade. She doesn’t answer after several rings, and Eric swears under his breath as he hangs up. Jade is trying to put a distance between them, and he doesn’t like it. He shakes his head with a wry smirk. It’s pointless to think she can avoid him.

Eric is a Dauntless leader, and has access to all member data. He has Jade’s  code programmed to his phone, and can access her information anytime he wants to. Eric can find her wherever she is in the compound, and knows when she comes and goes. 

He punches in a few numbers, and accesses the security scanner log for the entrances. He sees that she hasn’t left the compound since she came back with Tamra.  

He rides up to Jade’s apartment, and makes his way to her door. He knocks several times, impatiently. He props himself on either side of the doorframe with his massive arms.  He starts to feel his temper rise, as he knows she’s home. 

Fuck it, he thinks to himself, and places his thumb on the scanner above the regular key entrance. The light turns green and gives a little pop as it unlatches.

Eric opens the door quietly, and makes his way inside. The apartment is dark, with only a single light from the kitchen. He scowls, then starts to make his way to her balcony to wait for her. 

He’s just about to open the sliding glass door, when he freezes. Did he just hear…moaning? He whips his head toward the bedroom as he hears it again.

Does she have someone here with her?

His eyes narrow and his fists clench at his sides, as jealousy and rage cloud his mind to the point that for a moment, he sees complete red. He quickly stalks toward the bedroom, and pushes the door open. His rage fades to astonishment, though as he sees Jade lying on the bed, alone, sound asleep…

…And moaning his name.

Eric gazes at her for a moment, completely amazed. Jade is lying on the bed with her back arched, her breathing raspy and panting. She only breathes like that when she’s about to come, and judging by the way she’s gripping the bed sheets and stroking her leg with her other foot, she’s close. 

All of sudden, whatever is happening in her dream makes her back arch so hard she comes off the bed completely. “Eric!” She cries in a strangled whisper.

Almost in a trance, Eric silently moves on the bed next to her, trying to keep his hands to himself. He’s  _so fucking hard right now though_ , and knows he won’t be able to control himself much longer. He watches her for a few seconds, her delicious, soft chest rising and falling. When he can longer stand it, he decides to take matters into his own hands, so to speak.

Jade is still sound asleep and stirs, but doesn’t wake as Eric slides his hand up the bare skin of her thigh, and under the lace of her panties. He starts to stroke that sensitive spot gently, and she moans and writhes in her sleep, almost unable to bear it. Eric leans in, his lips brushing the shell of her ear.

“Come, Jade.  _Now_ …” he growls in a low, seductive command.

 And she does.

As her orgasm tremors through her body, Jade’s eyes start to flutter. Eric rests his hand on her thigh as she comes to completely, disoriented and pupils blown wide from her sex-high. Her eyes widen as she looks over and sees him beside her, obviously confused for a moment. He grins at her knowingly.

“Have a nice dream, Jade?” he whispers with a salacious grin.


	7. Juggling Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This picks up right where it eft off, after her dream. Jade gets a surprise visitor and things start to come to a head between her and Eric. Enjoy! 
> 
> Warnings: Smut, Smut, and more smut, Domestic violence, language, and Triggering situations.

My face flushes scarlet.  I look away and inhale slowly, still trying to catch my breath. Eric is stretched out beside me, and his hand is resting on my leg. “What are you doing here?” I whisper sleepily.  He strokes my thigh, then leans over and kisses me. 

 "Eric-”

“Jade, relax. I really like what I found you doing.”

Eric leans in, and kisses me again. “Apparently, so did you….” He whispers, then peels the sheet back from my hips slowly and looks down, grinning. I sit up slowly, and follow his gaze. My eyes widen and my embarrassed flush grows.

The sheets are soaked.

I curse under my breath, and swing my legs swiftly over the side of the bed. I feel Eric’s eyes on me and hear his chuckle as I get up. “Where are you going?” He asks as I go to the hall closet. 

“To change the sheets, obviously,” I call over my shoulder, biting back my smile. I can’t believe Eric caught me dreaming about fucking him…and Ayden.

But that part, I’ll keep to myself.

Eric comes behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck. I get the sheets out of the closet, and slowly break away from him, avoiding his eye. I walk back into the bedroom and strip the bed, dutifully ignoring Eric’s gaze. 

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, Jade,” he says as I finish. “It’s not like it hasn’t happened before,” he chuckles. I shake my head and ignore him. After the bed is made he stretches out again on it, like he’s the one who lives here, or is even welcome in my home. I purse my lips and glare at him.

“Why are you here? How did you even get in?”

“I’m a Dauntless leader. I can get in anywhere I want to, anytime I want.” 

“What the fuck do you want, Eric? It’s late.”

“What do you think I want? This is Dauntless. We hardly have a concept of time.”

I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “I don’t have the only vagina in this faction Eric. Why don’t you go down to the Pit and find some skank that’s too drunk to know what she’s doing, or has no self-respect to care?” I snap irritably, and he shakes his head. He laces his hands over his stomach.

“Do you have to be such a bitch all the time for no reason?”

My eyes flare in rage, and I’m about to make another smart-ass remark, when I remember my conversation with my mom earlier. I realize I’m giving Eric exactly what he wants. He’s baiting me, and I’m falling for it every time. 

 _Make him think he won, and soon he’ll get tired of you_ , her voice echoes in my memory. I inhale deeply, catching my bottom lip between my teeth. As much as it pains me to do this, I have to play along a little.

“I didn’t make you come here, Eric. In fact, you broke in, and it’s a little creepy. Forgive me if I’m a bit put off.”

He looks down for a moment, then back at me. I see his curiosity brimming. This is not what he was expecting. Normally, he pisses me off, and I let my temper get the best of me, and we wind up in bed before I even know what happened. He sits up slightly and narrows his eyes.

“You’ve been avoiding me, and I don’t like it.”

“I’m not ‘avoiding’ you Eric. You’re simply not worth my time right now. I have things to do.”

“Like what?”

“Like none of your fucking business. My life is not your concern.” 

Eric trains a deadly gaze as he slowly rises and stands before me. I lift my chin and glare back at him defiantly. “Well, you certainly have time to dream about fucking me,” he sneers as he wraps an arm around my waist. I scoff and raise my brow.

“What makes you think I was dreaming about you?” I taunt, but he smirks.

“Nice try, Jade, but you screamed my name,” he gloats, and I immediately feel my cheeks pink. “In fact,” he whispers as he pulls me closer, “I gave you a hand, so to speak and you should really be thanking me.” My eyes round, and my mouth opens slightly. 

He nods in confirmation. “It seems you have no problem following orders in your sleep, either.” He moves his hand between my legs. He leans in, so that his lips ghost over my ear. “Come, Jade.  _Now_ ,” he whispers, and I gasp.

Holy shit. That wasn’t a dream. Eric actually said that, and I did what he wanted. He laughs as he sees my stricken face, and I try to pry myself from his arms, but he keeps me in place. “Not so fast.” He grins at me slyly.

“Tell me about your dream.”

My face flushes again, and I quickly turn away from him. He chuckles and sits on the bed, pulling me with him. “I don’t really remember all of it, Eric,” I whisper as he starts to kiss my neck, and the heat tempers between us. “Tell me what you do remember,” he whispers as he runs his hands over the bare skin of my back. 

“Eric…..really. It’s just bits and pieces now.” I wrap my arms timidly around him. He pulls back and looks at me with lowered lids. “Jade, Whatever it was, made you come so hard you screamed. If I know what I was doing in your dream, I’ll do it while you’re awake.” He kisses behind my ear and I shiver.

I just look away and stand up, when Eric once again pulls me back down. I look at him with wide eyes as he rolls me on my back, and moves over me. “You know Jade, the sooner you admit to yourself how much you love fucking me, the more fun we can have,” he murmurs as he kisses my throat. 

I close my eyes, as I think back to earlier tonight.  _Let nature run it’s course_ , my mom’s voice whispers again,  _it’s going to happen either way_. She’s right. I have to get Eric out of my system. There’s only one way to do that.

I take a deep breath, and grip his face lightly, pulling his eyes up to meet mine. “We were outside,” I whisper. He raises his eyebrows thoughtfully, and gives me a fleeting kiss. The slight stubble of his face grazes the sensitive skin of my throat, and I shiver. I look down for a minute, then back at him. “I like doing it outside,” I whisper as I graze my fingers over his chin.

I break away from his arms gently, and sit up. He regards me curiously as I move to the side of the bed.

I don’t break eye contact as I slowly walk out of the bedroom, and he follows me a moment later. I turn off all the lights, letting the intense moonlight bathe the apartment in a glow. I grab a blanket out of the linen closet, and then stand at the glass door of the balcony, turning to face him. I’m only wearing very short shorts and a flimsy tank top, and I grab the edge of it and meet his gaze.

I slowly start to take my clothes off, my eyes never leaving his.

Eric’s breathing becomes elevated as he watches me strip, my clothes falling on the floor. As I stand there in nothing but panties, I reach to slide them down my legs, when Eric takes a step forward. “Stop,” he whispers roughly as he wraps his arms around my waist, his fingers covering mine.

“I want to finish.”

Eric hooks two fingers on either side then pulls them down, letting them pool at my feet. He looks at me intensely for a moment, and then his lips crash down on mine. I wrap my arms around his neck as our kiss deepens, then my lust takes over. 

I pull his shirt over his head, and he leans down and wraps my legs around his waist. I scratch my nails lightly across his muscular shoulders as he opens the glass door with his other hand, and then lays me down on the outdoor couch.

The bright, full moon bathes everything in a beautiful aura, and the balcony is completely illuminated. As he moves over me, I hear his sharp intake of breath. His eyes search my face for a moment, and then he touches his forehead to mine. He looks up after a moment, and brushes his thumb over my cheek. Eric looks like he’s about to say something, but he doesn’t. After a moment, I shift so that he’s under me.

“How do you want it?” I purr as I move lower.

I smirk at his shocked face, which is composed a few seconds later. His Erudite curiosity shows as he leans on his elbows, watching me as I unbuckle his belt and pull his jeans down, stripping him as bare as me.

“How do I want what?”

“My mouth. Gentle or rough?” 

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. How do you want it?” 

I practically see the wheels turning in Eric’s mind as he stares at me, trying to figure out my angle. I raise my eyebrows and sigh as I start to move back up. He grabs my arms. “What are you doing?“ I look at him with lowered lids.

 "Judging by the look on your face right now, you must not want it at all, so we’ll just get to the main event.” Eric chuckles “I never said I didn’t want it, I’m just surprised you want to do it…and why don’t you try both.” Our eyes lock, and I nod.

I bring my mouth to his, kissing him deeply and slowly. I shiver as the cool night air hits my bare skin, and Eric feels it and rubs his hands down my back, instantly heating me. I kiss his chin, jaw, and throat, then continue my descent. As I reach his dick, I kiss his lower abdomen as I graze my nails over his thighs.

“I think I’ll try gentle, first,” I whisper then slowly slide the length of him to the back of my throat. He hisses as I stroke him with my tongue, gently running it over the head as I move up and down. He sits up and winds his hands into my hair, as I feel his whole body clench. I feel him get close to his release, and I stop momentarily and look up at him. His eyes are closed and his jaw is clenched, his breath ragged. I smirk in satisfaction.

“Rough, now,” I whisper.

I take him in my mouth again, my tempo fast-paced and the pressure of my mouth firm. I bring my small hand up to grip him firmly, twisting as I work. Eric’s hips starting moving, and he knots his fingers in my hair. I show no mercy as he starts to gasp, and I know he’s mere seconds away.

 "Jesus Christ,“ he rasps as I continue. He tries to grab my arms and bring me up to him, but to his shock…..and mine…..I bat his hands away and grab both of his wrists. I lace both of my hands with his, and keep going. A few seconds later, Eric lets out a deep, primal groan as he comes so hard, I feel his whole body tremor. I stroke his thighs as I slowly crawl back up, and smirk at his expression.

 Eric’s eyes are closed, and he’s trying to catch his breath. His head is thrown back, and his chest rises and falls as he slowly blinks, as if he’s trying to get his bearings. As his eyes focus, I feel a deep satisfaction at their hazy, disoriented look. Eric and I remain locked in each other’s gaze, and his eyes widen and his nostrils flare as he realizes why I’m so satisfied.

 I made him lose control. He’s completely at my mercy.

 Suddenly, Eric’s expression hardens, and he grabs my waist, rolling me onto my back in one fluid motion. He kicks my thighs apart with his knee, then pins both of my wrists above my head in one of his. I look at him with wide eyes, but I’m strangely not frightened. As our eyes lock, that silent connection we seem to have speaks louder than words can. I hear it loud and clear.

_You might have gotten the best of me this time, but I’ll return the favor._

 Eric reaches down and begins to stroke over my clit, lazily at first, then harder. My eyes roll back in my head, as pleasure and heat build through my whole body, and my back arches. After a while, I whimper as he slowly lets my wrists come down, but doesn’t release them. He moves further down my body, then pins them at my side as his mouth moves between my legs. I bite my lip and moan, as he strokes and strokes, and my body climbs higher and higher…

 Then he just stops.

My eyes fly open, to see him smirking at me with narrowed eyes. He releases my wrists, then all but laughs as he watches me pant, my body aching and desperately needing release. Suddenly he moves off me completely and sits back.

 "You want me to bring you off?”

“Yes,” I whisper desperately. 

“Ask me nicely.” 

“Please, Eric…..”

“Please what? What do you want me to do?”

“You know what I want you to do….” 

“I want to hear you say it…. in fact….” He says wickedly, and I glare at him. 

 "I want to hear you beg me for it.“

Eric is gloating like the cat that ate the canary. He doesn’t realize it, but his words were exactly the thing to bring me out of my trance. His eyes widen as I suddenly grin smugly. He regards me cautiously, as I suddenly sit up and scoot back against the pillows.

 "That’s okay Eric. I can just do it to myself.”

 As hard as he tries to conceal it, shock explodes across Eric’s face. Of course he’s shocked, the cocky asshole.  A woman choosing to give herself sexual gratification, when she could have him? Inconceivable. Eric stares in amazement as I slowly move my hand over my thigh to between my legs. I close my eyes and rest my head as I begin to stroke myself, sighing in pleasure. 

 I’ll be damned if I ever beg Eric for anything.

 All of a sudden, both my hands are taken and forcefully pinned above my head again. I open my eyes, and see Eric’s war-like expression bearing down on me. He suddenly pulls me so that I’m lying flat on my back, then moves my thighs apart. 

My breath catches as he suddenly leans into my ear, and whispers, “Jade. This pussy is mine. You are mine, and the only person I’ll ever allow to bring you off, is me.” With that, he buries himself in me completely.

 Just like my dream.

My eyes roll back in my head as I take the full length of him inside me. My back arches and I moan as he starts to move, my pleasure so intense, I feel my head cloud and my toes curl. Eric roughly brings his mouth to mine, and I wrap my legs around him as he moves over me. He slowly releases my hands, and I wrap them around his neck and grip the back of his head. 

Eric pulls me into a sitting position, and as I move with him, we gaze at each other in the full moon. My breath catches at how handsome he looks in this light. He’s all bulging tattooed muscle, sculpted chest and stomach, strength oozing from every nuance of his body.

He looks like a god.

 As our eyes stay connected I feel a strange pull in my heart, and I force myself to look away, but Eric cups my chin and forces me to look at him. For several heated moments, our eyes remain locked. The air between us charges, and we both feel it. Our breaths become labored.  Eric slowly lowers me back down, his eyes never leaving mine. Before I know what I’m doing, I take both sides of his face in my hands, and skim my thumbs over his cheekbones and jaw. Eric turns his face into my palm and kisses it, as he slowly rocks into me.

… Just like Ayden does.

Reality slaps me with the force of ice-cold water being thrown in my face. I shake my head slightly, trying to snap myself out of it. This is nothing like what I have with Ayden. What I have with Ayden is real, not forced from some stupid game. Ayden loves me, and I love him. All Eric wants, is to fuck me to show me that he can.  

I narrow my eyes and suddenly bring my mouth to Eric’s, roughly. He stiffens slightly in surprise, then I shift before he can stop me. I straddle over him, and push his shoulders down. He’s too aroused to stop me. In one fluid motion, I swing my long legs to the side and then face away from him. There, that’s better. I slowly lower myself back down to on him, until he fits snugly inside.

 I grip his knees as I rock over him, and he grips my hips. As my muscles quicken around him and we both get close, Eric sits up and moves my hair to the side, wrapping a thickly muscled arm around my waist.  I wrap one arm around his neck behind me, resting my head on his shoulder and bite my lip.

 Eric whispers in my ear, his stubble grazing the sensitive skin behind it. “You have no fucking idea of how beautiful you are,” he rasps as he rocks into me. He kisses my neck and a shiver runs through my whole body. He leans in and nips my ear. “This is where you belong Jade,” he hisses. Without thinking, I cover his hand with mine and entwine our fingers.

We explode together, and I collapse with him on the couch. Eric pulls me into his arms, and we both close our eyes and try to catch our breath. I hear his heartbeat matching my own as I lay on his bare chest, his hands skimming up and down my back. As I start to place my hand on his chest, the moonlight catches my engagement ring, sending a flash into my eye.

It’s like a bolt of reality, and I feel guilt wash over me. I desperately try to tell myself that this is only for a little while, and isn’t real, that my lust is drowning out sense. After a moment, I gather my wits and sit up, wrapping the blanket around me. I feel Eric’s eyes, but don’t say anything or turn around. As I stand, Eric’s hands lightly lock on my wrist.

“Where are you going?”

“Inside. I’m cold.” 

“Well, come here, then.” 

“Let’s just go inside, Eric.” 

With that, I swiftly move inside before he can stop me. I immediately crawl into bed, and roll on my side. I hear him walk through the screen door after a moment, and then he gets into bed and wraps his arms around me. I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder, and he drapes one leg over mine. He places soft kisses behind my ear and neck, as I lightly graze my fingers over his tattooed forearms. As I gaze up at the full moon and start to drift into a peaceful sleep, I ignore the pull in my heart.

No, I tell myself sternly. This is nothing like what I have with Ayden.

Not at all.

* * *

 

A few days later, I shake hands with Rex, the Ambassador from Erudite. “That sounds great Rex. Max will be pleased that we were able to put our heads together, and come up with a solution, as I’m sure Jeanine will be as well,” I say warmly, with a charming smile. Rex returns it, and holds the door open for me as we leave the conference area.

“Yes, Jade, I couldn’t agree more. I’ll notify the computer technicians that a surveillance model is to be fabricated immediately, and brought to Jeanine for approval. Once she gives the green light, we’ll get to work on getting it installed around the train yard.”

I smile at him again, and try to ignore how his eye is lingering on me. As Rex sees me to the lobby, I catch sight of my reflection in the mirrored walls, and I nod slightly in approval. Erudite was on my rotation today, and I always try to dress a little more sharply when I’m here. Leah designed my outfit, and I have to say, her skill in design is quite impressive.

She made my outfit, a fitted black pencil-skirt with a high waist, and a sleeveless black peplum top, secured with a slender garnet-colored belt. My black stilettos give me an added height, and make my already long legs look like they stretch forever. My blonde hair is in sleek, shiny layers and my green eyes sparkle, enhanced by makeup. I feel and look pretty.

Rex seems to think so as well, judging by the hand he keeps on the small of my back as we walk. I’m not worried about it, though. Erudite believe that bad manners and lack of etiquette are a sign of ignorance and a small mind, so they tend to be overly chivalrous at times. Besides, if Rex’s hand dipped even a centimeter below where it should, I could break it four different ways before he had time to pull it back.

As we get to the entrance of their compound, I take note of my surroundings. Everything is pristine, and not a thing looks out of place. It’s all glass walls that are of course sparkling clean, blue carpeting, and a huge waterfall fountain in the middle. The sun filters through the huge skylight ceiling, reflecting off the glass chandeliers and making light patterns dance across the floor. The low murmur of quiet conversation is audible from passerby, and the aroma of rich coffee is mixed with the smell of paper and leather-bound covers. Almost everyone I see is on a computer or has their nose in a book. I feel like someone is going to yell at me if I speak in a barely audible whisper.

Rex grins at me flirtatiously as we get near the doors. “So I assume I’ll see you at the Founder’s Ball in a few weeks?” he inquires smoothly, his hand still on my back. I give him a polite smile and nod. “Yes, I look forward to it, as does my fiancé,” I reply, trying to move away slightly. Rex nods, though his smile loses a degree or two of warmth.  I run my left hand through my hair, purposely putting my engagement ring on display.

“Oh you’re engaged? I didn’t know that. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” 

“When’s the big day?”

“A few weeks from now.”

“Well, he’s a lucky man. If we weren’t of different faction, I just might’ve had to try and snatch you up myself.” 

I pretend to give a bashful smile, but I’m silently rolling my eyes. Rex is hardly my type, even if I  _were_  Erudite and not Dauntless. “Well, we’ll just have to admire each other from afar,” I offer graciously, and feel a breeze of relief at the sight of my driver pulling up. 

Rex glances over my shoulder, then back at me. “Until next time Jade,” he says with a slight wink, and I force a polite smile to my face. “Until next time, Rex.” He opens the car door for me, and offers his hand as I slide into the back seat.

As soon as the car door shuts, I give an exasperated sigh as I let the fake smile go. As the driver takes us back to Dauntless, I gaze out at the Chicago cityscape as it rolls by. I’m dead tired after a long day, and all I want is to go home and put some comfortable clothes on and relax.

 I’ve been working a lot lately, and it starting to take a toll. Thankfully, my rotation for the month ended today, so I’ll have some downtime to look forward to. I desperately need a break…

… Professionally and personally.

Ever since my night on the balcony with Eric, the dynamic between us has shifted. Something has definitely changed, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. I don’t know if I’m just getting used to him being around, or if he’s starting to ease up a little. All I know is that his presence in my life is starting to become a norm, and I have to keep reality in check. I close my eyes for a moment, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

 _It isn’t real_ , I remind myself firmly.  _It isn’t real_.

A hollow feeling starts to form in my chest, as I think of Ayden. He’s been at Amity for almost a month now, and I’m slowly getting used to his absence…but that could also be because I’ve spent almost every night with Eric, since he’s been gone. I quickly brush the tears that are starting to form away. 

What I’m doing is wrong, and I know it is. My mom was right about me being young and impulsive, and needing to get it out of my system now, but it doesn’t stop the guilt from consuming me…. and it also makes me angry at myself for not having more willpower.

 It’s like Eric somehow has an invisible hold on me, one I’m finding near impossible to break. I keep telling myself to stay away, that he isn’t good for me, and this can only end badly, but I somehow find myself wrapped in his arms at night either in my bed or his. When Eric and I are in bed together, it’s like everything and everyone else just disappears. It’s just me and him, shutting the rest of the world out and getting lost in each other.  

I keep telling myself that it’s just the effects of mind-blowing, earth shattering sex and nothing more than a physical stress release, and I ignore that blaring voice in my head that tells me I’m full of shit.

I shake those thoughts as the car pulls in to Dauntless. I sigh in pleasure, grateful to be home. As I get out and make my way through the Pit, my phone beeps, and I smile slightly when Ayden’s code pops up on the screen.

“Hello…”

“Hey baby…”

“Hey…what are you doing?”

“Nothing really. Just got back from Erudite. Long day.”

“Miss you, baby. You miss me?” 

I shift the phone in my ear, as I reach my elevator. I press the up button, and knit my brows together. He sounds strange…does he suspect…no.  _Stop being paranoid_ , I tell myself sternly.  _It’s just a fucking question_. “Of course I miss you Ayden,” I say lightly as I wait for the car to get here. Just then, pair of arms circles my waist, and I gasp in surprise.

“Then turn around,” Ayden’s voice purrs in my ear.

My heart slams into my chest, as I quickly turn. “Ayden!” I squeak out as he lifts me off my feet, pressing his forehead to mine. “Surprise, baby…” he grins, then brings his mouth down on mine. I reflexively wrap my arms around his neck as he deepens our kiss, my heart pounding wildly. After a moment, I realize that I didn’t close my eyes, and I’m looking around for anyone that might spot me. I quickly snap them closed.

I belong to Ayden, not Eric, and it doesn’t matter who sees me kiss my fiancé.

“What…what are you doing here?” I whisper after he breaks our kiss. He pulls back and purses his lips. “Can’t a guy sneak away to see his wife?” His grin fades slightly as he takes note of my expression, and his eyes search my face.

“You  _are_  happy to see me right?” he asks, and I nod.

“Of course I am…” I quickly pull him into another kiss, and then touch my forehead to his. “I’m just surprised. You’ve been gone forever, and you didn’t tell me you were coming home.” I look at him breathlessly, praying he bought it.

 Ayden looks at me for a long minute, then finally shrugs and kisses me again. “Unfortunately, it’s just for tonight. I managed to get a break, and got the night off. I hopped on the first train I could to come see you.” I pretend to groan.

“So you have to go back to Amity tomorrow?”

“Yeah…but not until mid-morning.” 

Just then, the elevator opens, and he pulls me with him. He presses for his floor, and I start to protest. “Oh, I need to go to my place so I can change out of these clothes,” I start to say, then stop as he looks at me, slightly baffled. 

“You’re still in your apartment? Why haven’t you moved into mine?” he asks, and I detect a hint of suspicion. He waits for my answer expectedly, and I just shrug as casually as I can.

“I’m sorry babe, I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I’ve been working like crazy lately, and you’ve been gone. Besides, I want to move in there with you, not while you’re away. I don’t want to spend the first few nights alone…” I quickly pull him to me, and distract him with a kiss. 

He sighs and wraps his arms around me a little tighter. “I guess you’re right,” he whispers, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I look up at him and purse my lips slightly.

“How much longer are you going to be there?”

“I wish I knew baby. We seem to have everything under control, but I haven’t been told when I can head back here.”

“Who has to tell you…”

I trail off as I realize I already know the answer, and my heart tightens. Ayden groans, shaking his head slightly. “Eric is the one that ordered the mission, so he has to sign off on it as approved before I can come home for good. He seems to be taking his sweet-ass time with it as well.” Ayden shrugs, and I just bite my lip, trying to appear disinterested, though every fiber of my being is screaming inside. The elevator opens on my floor, and we make our way to my apartment.

“Eric is an all right guy, and he’s good at his job,” Ayden states as we stop at my door. “Maybe he wouldn’t be such a fucking asshole if he just got laid,” he chuckles, and I nearly drop the keys in my hand.

We get inside. I start to go to my closet to change, when Ayden grabs me and pulls me with him to the bed. “What are you doing,” I squeal slightly, as he starts to unzip my skirt. He looks down at me, his hazel eyes blazing. “I haven’t seen my wife in almost a month,” he whispers huskily, as he slides me out of it. “What do you think I’m doing?” I close my eyes as he rids me of the rest of my clothes, feeling his mouth on my body. 

I start to feel a wave of panic, and I quickly wrestle it down.  _Pull your shit together_ , I silently scream at myself.

Ayden pulls his shirt off and lays me on the bed, kissing down my body. I feel a wave of shame and self-loathing wash over me, as I remember that just two nights ago, I cheated on him with Eric in this very spot. I also strangely feel as if I’m doing something wrong, by being with Ayden.  _That’s ridiculous_ , I remind myself firmly. Ayden is the man I’m going to marry. Ayden is the man I should be with, who loves me, and is the best partner for me…

 _But he’s not who you really want_ , that little voice whispers out of nowhere.

My eyes fly open, and I shake my head almost defiantly. No. I will not give in to the delusion that there could ever be more between Eric and me than just sex. He’s not the kind of guy you end up with. He’s the guy who uses you for his own agenda, then tosses you aside as if you were nothing, not even a real human being. 

My mom was right. Men like Eric aren’t meant to be with any one woman, and they never are for long. I will not throw away my entire future for an unintentional, impetuous fling that won’t last.

My determination renewed, I sit up suddenly and roll Ayden on his back. Surprised, but pleased, he watches with a lusty gaze as I slowly lower myself onto his erection, then moans in pleasure as I start to move. “Miss you so much baby,” he whispers as he sits up and wraps an arm around my waist. I close my eyes as he kisses my neck, gritting my teeth in frustration. I need him to stop talking.

“I miss you to,” I whisper, then press my mouth to his.

After we finish, Ayden gets up to smoke a cigarette on the balcony, and I close my eyes tightly, trying to keep the guilty tears out. I also suddenly remember one thing; we can’t stay here. Eric will come to my apartment if I don’t go to his, and God only knows what will happen if he shows up and Ayden opens the door.

With lightning speed, I bolt out of the bed and start to get dressed. I hastily grab a change of clothes, and slip my shoes on, just as Ayden comes back inside. “What are you doing, babe?” he asks as he eyes me curiously. I practically throw his clothes at him and force a smile to my face. 

“You haven’t been home in a month, and I’m sure you want to sleep in your own bed for the night. Besides,” I purr as I wrap my arms around his waist, “I need to get used to sleeping in a new place. Let’s go to your…I mean our… place and continue this.” I kiss under his chin, and he gives me a pleased grin.

“You’re absolutely right. Let’s go grab some dinner from the food hall, and then-“

“No. Let’s get something and bring it home.”

“Why? I haven’t seen anyone in a while, and it’d be nice to hang out for a minute.” 

I plaster a slightly disapproving scowl on my face, and pretend to huff. “Well, forgive me if I don’t feel like sharing you. We only have tonight, and we don’t know when we’ll get this opportunity again for a while. I want my fiancé all to myself,” I whisper, then kiss him. I can’t very well tell him that it’s because I’m paranoid that Eric will see us, and major drama will ensue. I silently berate myself.

I’m not doing anything wrong by being with Ayden. He’s my fiancé, and the one I’m supposed to be seen with.

Ayden chuckles, and presses his forehead to mine. “Well in that case…” he kisses me again, then puts his clothes back on. I force my face to remain impassive, and keep my foot from tapping impatiently on the floor.

We step off the elevator and make our way through the Pit. I furtively glance all around me, hyper vigilant in my quest to avoid running into Eric. I breathe a sigh of relief as we pick up food and head back to Ayden’s apartment without being spotted. As we sit down I pick at my grilled cheese and tomato, too distracted to eat.

“Everything okay?” Ayden asks, swallowing a sip of his beer.

“Yeah, everything is fine. I’m just really, really tired.” 

“Work is demanding, huh?”

“Yeah. I was at Erudite all day, and it gets tiring having to deal with people that think they’re so superior to everyone else.”

“You work all the factions, right?”

“Yeah…why?” 

“How come you never go to Amity? It’d be nice to see you when you’re there.” 

I frown as I realize he’s right. I’m an ambassador to all the factions, yet my main assignments have been to Erudite and Candor as of late. I’ve been assigned to Abnegation a few times, but I haven’t been assigned to Amity once since… My eyes narrow slightly as it hits me. 

That’s Eric’s doing. He somehow managed to tamper with my work schedule, keeping me apart from Ayden.  I just shrug and pick up my sandwich. “I guess there’s just more for me to do at Erudite right now, which is where I’ve mainly been.” We finish eating, and then retire to the bedroom for the rest of the night.

As Ayden and I have sex, I try desperately to keep thoughts of Eric out of my mind. I know he’s probably wondering where I am, since I didn’t show up at his place…. and because he probably went to mine and didn’t find me there. My apprehension simmers under the surface, as I try to concentrate on being with Ayden.

We satisfy ourselves and settle down in each other’s arms, and I try to ignore the nagging feeling that something is off. Ayden drapes his leg over mine and wraps his arms around me, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to push Eric’s face out of my subconscious. Being with Ayden doesn’t feel like it does with Eric… of course it doesn’t, I sternly remind myself. It’s not supposed to.

As I start to nod off, I pray that I don’t have any dreams tonight, and call out the wrong name. 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Ayden and I hold hands as we make our way down to the train tracks. “I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon,” I whisper as Ayden wraps his arms around me. He brushes a strand of hair from my eyes, and kisses me soundly. “I know baby, but I’ll be home soon, hopefully,” he whispers. I give him a small smile as the train horn sounds in the distance. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a key, placing it in my hand.

“Here, take this. Use this to start moving your stuff. I want to be settled quickly once I’m back for good. There’s also something else we need to get situated,” he states, giving me a fleeting kiss. “What?” I kiss under his chin, and he wraps his arms tighter. “We need to set a date. I don’t want to too long. I want your name on my finger ASAP,” he whispers with a smile, and I swallow the lump in my throat.

In Dauntless, it’s customary for a married couple to have two wedding rings, three for the bride. The traditional wedding bands, and then a tattoo artist inscribes groom’s name on bride’s finger at the ceremony right after they say their vows, and vice versa. The Dauntless see it as a symbol of an unbreakable bond, so even if they take their rings off for any reason, a constant reminder of whom they belong to is present.

A few certainly need reminding, especially after a night of drinking.

Just then the ground rumbles, and the train pulls up. “I love you,” Ayden says as he quickly bends me back in a kiss, and I return it. “I love you to. I’ll try to arrange getting assigned to Amity soon, so we can see each other,” I promise as I let him go. “I’ll see you soon baby,” he calls over his shoulder, as he takes off in a sprint. 

He leaps on to the train and pulls himself into the car, sticking his head out to blow a kiss at me. I blow one back, then watch the train disappear down the track.

I sigh as I turn to head back to the compound, the weight of my guilt pressing into every step. I don’t want to deal with anything right now, and I just want a minute to decompress. I shake my head sadly. I can’t go on like this. My inner turmoil is getting the best of me and I don’t like it. I desperately need to clear my head, and regain some focus.

I make my way to the food hall, and spot Leah, Rachel, and my other friend Samantha sitting at a table, and I make my way over. “Hey guys,” I greet as I sit down. “Hey,” Rachel says. They all glance at each other, and then back at me. I scrunch my nose.

“What?”

“Where’ve you been?” Samantha asks coyly, and I shrug. 

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean, is that you went MIA on us last night, and you come down here looking freshly fucked.” 

I nearly spit out my coffee, as my eyes round. “What?” I sputter with a little laugh, and the other giggle and lean in. “Oh, c’mon Jade, tell us,” Rachel says excitedly, and lowers her voice. “Who is it?” she whispers, and the girls all strain to hear me, except Leah. I just gape at them in confusion.

“Who’s who?”

“You’re obviously seeing someone. You disappear at night, you’re always tired, and Ayden’s not here, so that can only mean there’s someone on the side.” 

“That’s crazy!” 

My pulse races in a slight panic, as the others grin at me and shake their heads. “No it isn’t,” Samantha says teasingly, and I take a deep breath. “C’mon Jade,” she coaxes. “You can tell us. No judgment. Your man has been away, and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.” I shake my head vigorously, and start to speak, when Ashley walks up at that moment. 

“Hey guys.” She looks at me and winks, furthering my panic. She grabs a muffin and sits down, then eyes me slyly.

“I just saw you and Ayden at the train tracks. Someone had a good night I see,” she laughs, and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. The others all stare at me with disappointed expressions, except Leah. I just purse my lips in a casual smile. 

“Ayden got the night off from Amity, and came to see me.” I fold my hands on the table. “So yes, while I admit I did get fucked almost stupid last night, it was by my fiancé and not some illicit side piece.” I shrug with a cocky smile.

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

The table erupts in a fit of giggles, and Rachel rolls her eyes. “Ugh, well that’s boring,” she teases with a joking smile. “But seriously, Jade. Something is up with you. We’ve all noticed it.” The others nod in agreement, and I shake my head.

“I’ve been working like crazy lately. It’s good that I have a distraction, but I just wish Erudite wasn’t the only one.” I take a sip of my coffee, then continue. “Being around those arrogant fucks all the time is draining, and boring as hell. All they ever talk about is some myth about Divergents.” Leah looks at me squarely.

“you think Divergents are a myth?”

“Of course they are.” 

“What’s Erudite’s interest in them?” she asks quietly. I shrug. “For some reason, they think they’re evil, and out to destroy our society, and have to be eradicated. It’s stupid, really.” I look at the rest of the girls and roll my eyes.

“Even if Divergents were real, I don’t see what real harm they would do. Just because they have more than one trait, it doesn’t mean that you’re evil. There’s nothing wrong with being smart  _and_ brave.” A small smile comes over Leah’s face, and she nods. 

She stands up and picks up her tray. “I’m going to get some more. You want to come?” she asks and I nod. I get up and fall in to step with her. She looks around for a moment, then pulls me closer to her.

“Were you really with Ayden last night?” she whispers.

“Yes. He came home for the night and surprised me. I swear.” 

She sighs, then turns concerned eyes on me. “Well, I knew you were with someone, and I also know it wasn’t Eric, because he practically kicked my door down looking for you,” she hisses, and a weight drops in my stomach. “What?” I mutter in disbelief, and she looks around again, then continues.

“We were in the Pit last night, and I saw him on the upper tier, scouring the crowd. He was looking for you, Jade. He wasn’t happy either. When I went home later, he knocked on my door really late, and when I opened it, he barged in demanding to know where you were. I thought he was going to throw me off my balcony for a minute, but I guess being a former Candor has it’s perks. He only left after he was convinced I really didn’t know, which was the truth.”

I rub my head, which has begun to throb all of a sudden. “Jade,” Leah says in a worried tone, “You’ve got to get a handle on this. He knocked on my door last night, because he’s not an idiot and knows I know. But next time, he could knock on Rachel’s or Samantha’s, or even your mom’s, and you’ll be busted,” She sighs.

I exhale loudly, closing my eyes for a moment. She’s right. I need to come to terms with Eric, and get this situation under control. I can’t keep juggling both him and Ayden, and the emotional toll it’s taking on me is draining. I look up at the ceiling, and sigh. “I know, Leah.” I hang my head in slight defeat, wishing I didn’t want to hurl myself in the chasm right now.    

* * *

Later that night, I let myself into my apartment, not in the mood to hang out. I managed to keep myself busy all day, and I just want to be alone and veg out for a little bit, and prepare for the inevitable confrontation Eric and I are bound to have. 

As I make my way to my bedroom, the hair on the back of my neck rises. I go to turn on the lights in my living room, when I see the glowing end of a lit cigarette on my balcony.

He’s already here.

Sighing, I turn on the light. He steps through the sliding glass door a moment later, and I regard him warily. I really don’t know what to expect right now. With a deadly calm air about him, he steps toward me, not saying a word. I resolve for my feet to remain planted, and my voice not to shake. I raise my brow as he moves closer, his frigid expression making me shiver to my very core.

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?” he asks with a lethal stare.

I lift my chin defiantly, and give him a little smirk. I don’t owe him any explanations, nor will I give him one. Eric has sources all over Dauntless, and I already know he knows I was with Ayden last night. 

“As a matter of fact I did.” I breeze by him and make my way to the kitchen, determined to maintain my nonchalant air. I pull a bottle of water out of my fridge, and take a sip, eying him over the brim. A long moment of silence passes between us, and then he moves closer.

We stand there for a while, Eric’s intense glare radiating his anger. All of a sudden he strides forward, knocking the bottle out of my hand.  He grips my jaw with painful force, pushing my head back against the wall. 

“Are you completely fucking crazy? Do you have a death wish?!” He snarls, and I can tell his restraint is giving out. I desperately try to control my panic, then my anger takes over. I shove against his chest with a defiant glare.

“Get your fucking hands off me, you piece of shit.”

His eyes flash, and he grips harder for a second, then releases me slowly, but keeps me pinned to the wall. I lift my chin and decide that since he’s going to do whatever he’s going to do anyway, I’ve got nothing to lose.

"What are you so pissed about?”

“Are you…are you fucking serious?” 

“Yes. What’s your problem?” 

“You were with Ayden last night, and you don’t know why I’m pissed?” 

"No, I don’t. What’s it to you, as long as I still fuck you whenever you want? What’s the fucking problem?” 

I lean in close, my nose grazing his. “You seem to be a little confused, here Eric.  _You_  are my side-piece, not him. This is his ring on my finger,  _not yours_. I belong to him,  _not you_. I’ll fuck my fiancé anytime I want to, and I’ll even do it right in front of you, and anyone else that wants to watch, if I’m in the fucking mood to do so!” I spit venomously with narrowed eyes.

Eric gapes at me in stunned silence for a minute. He strokes his chin. “You know what, Jade? We obviously need to go over a few things, as you seem to be the one who is confused. So I’m going to clear up any misunderstanding we may have, right now.”

Fear races through me, but I strangely, like it. It’s like it’s pulsating through me, making every fiber of my being tingle, making me feel alive……….

 ……….And turning me on.

As Eric glares with lust so powerful I start to quiver, I decide that I’m going to make him work for it, I’m not going to just roll over and take it. I feel the mutual pull between us, and I take a deep breath. He wraps an arm around my waist, and the other hand grabs the back of my head. He brings his mouth to mine, roughly, and I knot my hands in his hair, bringing him closer, taking him by surprise. Then I bite down on his lower lip, hard.

He grunts and jerks away, and I see a small tinge of blood on his lip. Then I slap him, hard.

“Get your fucking hands off me,” I hiss.  

Understanding dawns on his face, as he sees that I’m as turned on as he is right now. He brings a hand to his lip, and his eyes narrow as he wipes a small spot of blood between his fingers. “Oh…. someone’s feeling brave. Good thing I’m in the mood for a fight. Come here, now….” He snarls and reaches for me again. 

I raise my hand to hit him again, but he grabs my wrist and pins it behind my back, then takes the other one and does the same. We look at each other intensely for a moment, both panting with lust. He shoves me against the wall, taking both of my wrists and pinning them over my head. 

He goes to kiss me, but I turn my face away. He brings my face to his with his other hand, and his mouth roughly takes mine. I can’t stop a moan from escaping as my abdomen clenches uncontrollably, and desire clouds my head.

Eric slowly releases my wrists, and my hands go around his neck to grip the back of his hair and neck. As our mouths tangle wildly, Eric moves his free hand between my legs, making the the bare skin of my thighs heat. He groans when he feels the evidence of my arousal. 

He quickly strips me completely bare, and to my surprise…..and his…..I do the same with him. I lift my leg and wrap it around his waist, and he kisses all over my throat and neck. He leans down and grabs my other leg and wraps it around his waist. My eyes roll back in my head as he plunges into me, right there against the wall.

Eric glares intensely as he shows no mercy, rocking into me with all he’s got. He brings me off the wall, collapsing on top of me on the couch. He kisses me so hard I think for a minute I might go through the cushion. I scratch my nails down his back, and then wrap my legs around him and flip over so that I’m on top. I move over him furiously, my eyes narrowing as I see the smug grin on his face.

I raise my hand and hit him again, hard.

He stares at me, stunned. His expression hardens, and he grabs my hips and throws me back off of him. My head bounces off the armrest of the couch. He quickly flips me over on my stomach, bringing me to my knees. I grip the back of the couch as he takes control of my hips and plunges into me again, showing no mercy as he grips my hair and jerks my head up. 

I bite my lip as he starts a punishing rhythm, and my back arches as my eyes close. Eric leans into my ear. “Now that I have your attention, let’s go over a few things,” he growls as he continues to rock into me.

Eric’s breath is hot on my ear. “First thing you need to understand,” he whispers roughly, “is that this-” he thrusts into me hard and I gasp, “-is mine, and only mine. I don’t share my toys. You are mine, whether you like it or not. I…. own…. this…” He says through gritted teeth. I gasp as he goes deep, and I can tell he’s close to his release. 

“Do you understand me, Jade?” When I don’t answer, he yanks me around and pins my back to the couch, then plunges into me again. He grips my jaw and glares at me fiercely. “This pussy is mine, and only mine, do you understand me, bitch? Mine…” I still say nothing, further fueling his anger and lust. This is one fight he won’t win.

“Say it, Jade.” I say nothing.

“So help me Jade, say it!” Silence from me. 

“Fine, hard way it is, then…” I gulp, when I see the rage and determination in his eyes, but still stay silent.

Eric lays down so that he’s behind me on the couch, then plunges into me one last time, so deep and so hard, that as we both release, I mercifully pass out.

When I come to, I see that Eric has carried me into the bedroom. I’m completely naked still, but he’s sitting on the edge lacing up his shoes. I pull the sheet up higher, my head buzzing and the exertion of our rage-fuck being felt in every fiber of my being. 

Eric doesn’t say a word as he zips his fly and picks up his jacket. My heart starts to pound as he finally turns his eye on me, the coldness in his blue eyes chilling me to my very core.

“I gave you every opportunity to handle it yourself, Jade. You chose not to. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

His threat hangs heavy in the air, as he turns and leaves without another word. I roll over on my side, letting my tears slip down my cheeks. What a mess I’m in…. and he’s right.

I have no one to blame for my decisions but myself.


	8. Fall From Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has been patient with me, as life tends to get a little busy lol. No smut in this chapter, but it’s a major turning point in Eric and Jade’s relationship. 
> 
> Ayden is maybe not as clueless as Jade thought, and tragedy strikes. She recalls the exact moment she should’ve been on her guard with Eric, and is faced with a major decision. 
> 
> Warnings: Language, graphic domestic violence, and triggering situations. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> -Emmy

I sigh as I toss and turn for the countless time tonight, and throw an arm over my eyes in frustration. Feeling restless is an understatement. It’s like exhaustion, anger, confusion, guilt, lust, and yearning are having a contest to see which one can attack me with greater force. As of right now, the race is neck-and-neck. 

It’s been a few days since Eric and I had our little confrontation, and I haven’t seen him. He and the other leaders have been conducting business at the Hub, and he hasn’t been at the compound. 

The factionless attacks are becoming more frequent, not just on Amity, but also in the city, and they’re trying to find the root of the factionless resources. Somehow, they’re getting ahold of weapons, though their supplier remains a mystery.

I swing my legs out of bed, and go outside to get some fresh air. The lights of the city twinkle below me, and I exhale slowly as I sink down onto the couch. My blood starts to heat, as I think of the night Eric and I spent out here, and my hand goes to my throat, and my eyes close briefly. 

I can almost feel his warm, large hands skimming down my back…his mouth on the delicate skin of my inner thighs, then moving center…the taste of him on my tongue….

With a frustrated sigh, I shake my head and force myself to snap out of my trance. It doesn’t mean anything, I firmly remind myself. I just have to stay the course until this is over, and not lose focus. I go over my mental checklist once again. Eric and I have unbelievable, earth-shattering, indescribable sex that burns so hot, it will surely burn out quickly. 

The very idea that it could ever be more, or that Eric sees me as anything more than his personal fuck-toy, is laughable. It’s also not real. None of it. Our entire “relationship” is predicated on a lie. On revenge. On manipulation and guilt.  

 And it won’t last.

I grit my teeth angrily. My emotions are getting the best of me and I don’t like it. I’m becoming someone I don’t recognize, and that stops right fucking now. I pull out my phone to call Ayden. 

I haven’t spoken to him since the night he came to surprise me, and that’s a little odd. I know he’s busy at Amity, but he at least tries to check in once a day or so. I’ve been so caught up in my own thing I haven’t realized it. I type in his code, and prop my feet up as I wait for him to answer.

 “Hello?” he answers after a moment. “Hi babe,” I whisper, a small smile pulling at my lips. It disappears a moment later, as Ayden doesn’t say anything, and I pull the screen back to make sure it didn’t disconnect. His code is still active.

 “Ayden? Are you there?”

“Yeah…Jade I’m here. 

“Oh, I thought it disconnected for a second. What are you doing?” 

 He again takes a minute to answer, and I frown. “Ayden?” I say, and he breathes deeply.

 “Yeah, baby, I’m here. I’m sorry; I’m just a little distracted. I just got off shift and my mind is scrambled.” His tone is strangely clipped, and something is very off. “Did I catch you at a bad time?” I ask slowly, my pulse starting to quicken. A long moment passes, and he finally sighs.

“No, baby, I’m just really tired. Shit is getting a little hairy out here, and I barely have time to breathe.”

“What do you mean ‘hairy’? What’s going on?” 

“We’ve had some incidents with the factionless trying to steal food and getting into skirmishes with citizens. Seems like its amping up, instead of slowing down.” 

“Have you been in the thick of anything?”

My heart beats faster, and he sighs. “I can’t really say, Jade. Not until the official report is released to the council.” We don’t speak for a minute, then I decide to change the subject. “Well, I have some time off for awhile before my rotation starts again. Maybe I could take a trip out there to see you,” I say hopefully. Ayden inhales sharply.

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea, Jade.”

I feel like he just slapped me. “Why…why not?” I ask hesitantly, and he groans. “Jade, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out how I wanted it to. It’s just that shit is getting bad, and I don’t want you to get caught up in it, that’s all.” I let the breath I was holding out, and purse my lips.

“I can handle myself, Ayden. I was first in my class, you know.”

“I know you can Jade, but that doesn’t mean I want you in a situation where something could happen.”

“Is that the only reason?” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

I grit my teeth, as my annoyance shows. “What I mean is, you’re acting a little weird. You seem less than enthused to hear from me, after I haven’t spoken to you in a few days, and now all of a sudden you don’t want me to come see you when I have the chance. So what gives?” I ask point blank.

An uncomfortable silence falls between us, and I grit my teeth. “I could ask you the same thing, you know,” Ayden finally states quietly, and my full attention is captured. “What do you mean by that?” I whisper, my paranoia starting to rise. Ayden takes a deep breath.

“Jade, I’m not the only one acting strangely. You haven’t been yourself for a while now, and I’ve tried to get it out of you, but I can’t. I show up the other night after not seeing you for a month, and it was almost like you were scared of me or something. I tried to talk about setting a date for our wedding, and you looked like you were going to be sick. You’re putting off moving in with me, and tonight is the first night in weeks you’ve actually called me, instead of me having to get ahold of you. So you tell me Jade. What gives?” he shoots back.

My mouth opens and closes, as my heart starts to race. “Ayden…” I trail off, not really knowing what to say. I practically see him grinding his teeth, like he does when he’s upset. “Jade, is marrying me really what you want? Do you even intend to go through with it? Because if you don’t, we should probably go ahead and discuss that now,” he states quietly, and my heart starts to race. I shake my head as I get up and start to pace nervously.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting here just a little bit?”

“Not really Jade. You’ve been distant for a while, and I know something’s up, but you won’t talk. I know that me being away has taken a toll, but you’re kind of starting to act like you don’t mind so much.” 

“Ayden, that’s silly! I just-“

He immediately cuts me off mid-sentence. “No, it’s not Jade. I’ve pretty much had it with ignoring that there’s an obvious problem here, but you won’t open your mouth and tell me  _what the fuck it is_ , so we can fix it. So with that said, I’d appreciate a no bullshit answer,” he grits out, and I feel like I can’t breathe for a moment. The blood is rushing in my ears, and I try to force myself to remain steady, though my nerves are threatening to make me pass out.

“I don’t really know what it is you want me to say here, Ayden,” I rub my forehead and squeeze my eyes shut. “Look, I just feel like things moved a little fast, and we’re both pretty young. I just have a little bit of apprehension, that’s all,” I offer feebly, and even I hear how weak it sounds. I feel tears threaten as Ayden huffs into the phone.

“You know what Jade? I’m not really in the mood to fight right now, and it’s obvious you don’t really want to have real discussion about this. We really shouldn’t be having this conversation over the phone anyway.”

A heavy silence falls between us, as my tears start to slip down my cheeks. Finally, Ayden speaks. “Look, Jade. I don’t want this to get blown out of proportion, and I want to talk about this face-to-face,” He offers quietly, his tone softer this time. “I’m going to be busy for the next few days. I’m not going to be able to call, and you won’t be able to reach me either. I don’t want you to think I’m ignoring you. I’ll just be busy.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay,” I whisper after a moment, trying to keep my tears out of my voice. “I guess we’ll just table this discussion for the next time we’re able to see each other…. whenever that may be.” Neither of us speak for a moment, and then he sighs.

“I love you, Jade. Even though you’re questioning everything else, don’t question that. I always have, and I always will.”

“l love you to, Ayden. Even if you don’t fully believe it.” 

I hang up before he has the chance to say anything, and put my head in my hands. I’ve officially reached my breaking point. I’m an emotional mess, something I’ve never, ever been, and I need to get it together. Things can’t go on like this. Eric has flipped my life inside out and upside down, and I brought it on myself.

I feel like I’m suffocating from all this turmoil. I’m pent up with bottled, warring emotions, and I need some sort of release, some way to let go, and clear my head. If this keeps up, I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again. As I stare up at the night sky, I suddenly think back to initiation, when I went zip lining off the Hancock building with the other Dauntless-borns. I was as free as a bird, and the rush was incredible. I pucker my mouth as I suddenly get the urge to do it again.

Right now.

I bolt upright and set my feet on the floor. Why not now?

I’m hastily pulling on my shoes before I know it. I pile my hair loosely on top of my head, and practically sprint out of my apartment and down to the train tracks.

I jump on the train with ease, and I feel a little better already. I just want to be alone with myself and give way to the stress, frustration and confusion I feel. As the train rolls through the city, I take deep cleansing breaths from the wind that washes over me, soothing my ravaged soul. The lights of Chicago twinkle beautifully, and I wish I had done something like this sooner.

As I near the Hancock building, I get that feeling again, that eyes are on me. I look around, but it’s a ghost town at this late hour. I shrug, chalk it up to an overactive imagination from exhaustion, and make my way to the top of the building. 

All of the zip lining equipment is as it was left; I need only strap myself in. I feel a rush of exhilaration, and momentary hesitation, but I push it away. I lean over the ledge, and some of my hair comes loose. I feel a thrill at looking how high up I am. It’s beautiful……

I take a deep breath, exhale and then let go. As I soar over Chicago, arms outstretched and wind in my face, I feel as light and free as a bird. The warm summer night is beautiful under a full moon. 

As I course down the line, I imagine it’s bathing me in a healing light and soothing my ravaged soul. I imagine I’m letting everything go, tossing it all in to the wind, my uncertainty, my hurt, everything. I imagine I’m tossing all of my pain behind me as I soar high above the ground, yet there’s one face I can’t seem to shake.

As the city rushes by me, I let out a long, deep scream that gets lost in the wind. I grin, as tears of relief fall down my face. This is exactly what I needed. I wish I could feel this relaxed all the time, without the influence of alcohol and being thousands of feet in the air. 

Though tears are running down my face, I feel happy. This is good for me. It’s like my own little way of letting go. Up here, there’s no Ayden, and no Eric. Nothing can touch me when I’m up here. I sigh. But like all things that go up, they eventually must come down.

I reach the end and quickly wipe my eyes as I suddenly realize I forgot one thing: I have no one to hold the net out for me to fall in to. It’s dark, with only a moonbeam or two for lighting. I pull the brake on the line, and grit my teeth as I unlatch myself. I’m eight feet off the ground, and this is going to hurt. I close my eyes and tuck in my legs, hoping I can tuck and roll when I hit the ground. I take a deep breath, and then drop.

I land with a painful thud, but thankfully don’t break anything. I get up and dust myself off, breathing a sigh of relief. Just then, I hear the train horn, and sprint towards the tracks. I leap onto it with ease at it passes, and pull myself into the car. I sink down to the floor, and gaze at the passing city as I head back to Dauntless. I let my mind wander for a moment.

I toy with the idea of never going back. Being factionless really doesn’t seem so bad, compared to what I’m being put through now. There’s no Eric. No Ayden. No rules and bullshit regulation. I could come and go as I pleased, answering to no one but myself.

If I removed myself from Dauntless, then Eric would have no more leverage over me. There’d be no point in hurting the people I care about because I wouldn’t be there to see. I think more and more about it as I get up and prepare to jump. I can’t run from my situation forever.

The wind rushes by me as I see Ayden’s face. Could I really leave him behind? I feel tears gather in my eyes as I think of the awful betrayal I’ve done him. And another startling thought I don’t know why I’m having…

Could I leave Eric?

I don’t know why I even care after everything that’s happened. But there is something between us, though I’ve tried my hardest to ignore it. You can’t be intimate with a person as often as we have, and not feel something. I quickly shake that disastrous thought. It’s just a physical thing. The sex is practically an addiction.

The dauntless compound looms, and I jump out onto the roof. I get up and brush myself off, and make my way back to my apartment. As I ride up, I suddenly want to kick my own ass.  _What the fuck are you even thinking_? I scold myself angrily. 

I have a cushy position in Dauntless, I live in a great apartment, I have friends, Ayden and my mom here, and because I can’t get a mental grip, I would actually consider giving all of that up to live in poverty and oblivion?  

And on account of who… _fucking Eric?!_

As I let myself in, I feel my resolve returning. I go into my bathroom and splash cold water on my face. As I stare at myself in the mirror, I try to recognize the woman staring back at me. This haunted, sad-eyed woman is not me.

It’s time to get me back. 

* * *

The sun spills over my bed a few days later, gently stirring me from my slumber. I stretch leisurely, finally getting a good night’s sleep for the first time in a while. I shake my head ruefully. Infidelity can be exhausting.

I get out of bed and take a quick shower. As I brew a fresh cup of coffee, I go to my closet and pick out my outfit for the day, that of course Leah designed and made. I quickly pull on my fitted jeans, embellished with black crystals down the side, and a black, string t-back halter top that flows slightly and is gathered at the hem. I pile my blonde hair loosely on top of my head. I put on a little makeup, making my hazel green eyes pop out. Smiling, I start to feel like myself again.

I’m grateful to have a few days off, before my rotation begins again. It’ll be nice to have a little downtime…hopefully some alone time…and get a little perspective on my situation. The fact that I actually considered being factionless tells me I need to get my ass in gear and get a grip on my life. I also need to remind myself of a few things:

I am Jade Crawford, daughter of Tamra Crawford, for fuck’s sake, and I’ve never, ever let a man and his bullshit dictate my life. I’ll not start with Eric.

I text my mom and see if she wants to meet me for breakfast, and she texts back a moment later to meet her in the Pit. I decide that after breakfast, I’ll spend the day running errands and hanging out with my friends, whom I haven’t seen in a while. I need to get a sense of normalcy back, and regain my focus.

As I’m slipping my shoes on, my mind wanders to a few months ago, when Eric called me into another useless meeting before our first faction visit. I shake my head in disgust, as I should have seen what his intentions were from that alone…

A FEW WEEKS EARLIER

I make my way to Eric’s office. I’m dreading this little meeting, as there’s probably no reason for it, and he just wants to make me squirm. He’s such an asshole. I get to the HQ section, and smile at Brady as I walk in. “Hey Jade,” he says as he stands. Brady is well over six feet, all rippling muscle. He has short brown hair, and kind, gentle blue eyes.

“I’ll let Eric know you’re here.” He disappears in Eric’s office, then returns a moment later. “He’s on a call right now, but said for you to go down to the training room, and he’ll meet you there in a minute.” He nods and sits back down.

My brows rise. Why would Eric want to see me in the training room? I just shake my head and make my way there. I open the door, and see a few people sparring with each other. I walk over to the table with the knives, picking one up and twirling it in my palm. I wish I could use Eric as target practice.

Just then, Eric strides in.

I don’t greet him, and he doesn’t say a word, just looks me up and down as he approaches. “I assume you have your rotation schedule?” He states with no preamble. I nod. “Good,” he says. “Then you know we’re visiting Amity, and being that it’s so far out, and we have to attend a dinner that evening, I’ve decided we’ll be staying the night at their visitor complex.” He eyes me smugly. I stare at him in disbelief. Then I get pissed. Oh, hell no.

"Well, you can spend the night if you like Eric, but I’ll be leaving after the dinner.”

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, then his expression hardens. “I’m sorry,” he snaps through clenched teeth, “did you hear me ask you a question whether or not you wanted to stay, or did you hear me as your boss tell you what we’ll be doing?” His eyes narrow and he steps forward. 

My anger takes over, and I step forward as well, without thinking. That weird, pulsing energy starts to flow between us, and my breath catches. I try to get my anger in check, but I speak without thinking.

“You know, Eric, I’ve had just about enough of this shit. What the fuck do you want?”

Shock registers on his face. “Excuse me?” He growls and steps closer. I return his glare with my own, and step closer as well. “You heard me,” I growl right back, “what the fuck do you want with me? What’s with all this sudden interest in me? It’s weird, and it’s starting to piss me off.” I wait for his answer.

Our bodies are now close enough to graze the other, and the electricity is almost buzzing.

“You’re either brave or stupid to speak to your boss like this, Jade.”

“You’re not my boss, Eric, you’re a glorified babysitter, that you volunteered yourself to be.” 

“What the fuck did you just say?” 

“You’re standing right here, Eric, you heard me just fine.” 

I glower at him as I wave my hand around me. “And why the fuck did you have to drag me down here? You couldn’t tell me this over the phone, or in your office?” I snap.

Eric’s glare suddenly turns into a wicked smile, and I’m confused by the sudden shift. “Well, I tell you Jade,” he snickers as he takes his jacket off. “I want to see if you’re as ‘mismatched’ as you claim Dauntless women are against Dauntless men, and I’m going to find out right now.” He steps onto the mat and gestures for me to join him.

My mouth opens slightly, as I glare at him incredulously. I glance around, as our argument got a little loud, and the others stopped what they were doing to see what was going on. Low murmurs can be heard as I turn a furious eye back on him. 

He grins at me and crosses his massive arms. “What’s a matter, Jade? You nervous about having to face a real opponent, as opposed to the shit you faced in initiation?” he tries to taunt.

I grin wickedly, and his smug smile falters for a moment. “Why should I be nervous?” I sneer as I take my jacket off and step onto the mat. I get into fighting stance and look him dead in the eye. I raise my voice slightly so the others can hear.

“You seem to have forgotten, Eric. I was undefeated in my initiation, and you,  _fearless leader_ , couldn’t even beat a Stiff in yours.”

The smug smile drains from Eric’s face completely, as pure unadulterated rage transforms his features. I continue to grin tauntingly, as a dead silence falls over the room. Everyone looks from me to Eric, knowing this can’t end well. His chest rises and falls as I silently goad him with my expression.

Let’s do this, asshole.

With lightning speed, he grabs me and pulls me to the floor. My reflexes kick in, and I grab his shoulders and shift myself to the side. I roll onto my stomach, but he anticipates it and wraps his massive arms around me, although I manage to flip onto my back at the last minute. He has my arms trapped at my sides, but I grip either side of his ribs with my hands, then wrap my legs around his waist and use the force to move him on his side.

His arms are still wrapped around me, and my face is in the crook of his neck. I grit my teeth and jam my fists right under his armpits, knowing that’s a sensitive spot. His grip breaks slightly, and I catch him off guard as I roll him completely on his back with my legs still wrapped around him.

 As our furious eyes lock, the air charges. This is turned into more than a wrestling match, and we both feel it.

 Eric leers at me with blazing eyes so full of wanton lust, I feel a tremor through my whole body. I find myself inadvertently doing the same. As I sit on top of him, my hands go to his chest to steady myself, as his hands grab my hips. We stare each other down, neither willing to concede. I force myself to break our breathless gaze.  

 _What the fuck is wrong with me_ , I think wildly to myself.  _what the fuck am I doing_?

I shake my head and go to move off of him, but he grabs me again as I face his side, and sits me down on his lap from behind. He wraps his arm around my waist, as his other hand grips the back of my head, jerking me back by my hair. His breath is hot on my neck, and I close my eyes and start to quiver. I bat at his hands, and the one that isn’t around my waist snakes around and pins my hands to my side. I can’t stop a small gasp from escaping.

I manage to wrench myself to the side, but Eric keeps his grip on me, and we’re now facing each other. His arms are like a steel cage, and my small hands are gripping his ribs to around his back. His breath is hot on my neck, and mine on his. Both of our hearts are pounding, wildly. As our eyes lock, a feeling of urgency starts to surge low in my belly.

Eric slowly lowers us both back to the mat, and I don’t try to resist. He rolls me onto my back, and my long legs part, allowing him to settle between them. We’re wrapped in each other completely, and we stay that way for a few minutes, until Eric finally looks down at me with blazing, lusty eyes. His pupils are blown so wide, his eyes are almost black.

“Looks like I won this round,” he whispers roughly. His face hovers near mine, and as I catch my breath, I try desperately to calm my nerves. I can tell if we don’t stop right now, this is going to go somewhere I don’t want it to.

Or I do, but I shouldn’t.

“Fine,” I growl through gritted teeth, “I concede. Now get the fuck off me.” His face is still grazing mine, but I close my eyes and turn my face away. I feel his breath on my neck still and the sensation is driving me crazy. With difficulty, I drop my hands from the sides of his ribs, my fingers grazing his sides, only because he still has his arms around me.

Eric looks at me for another long minute, then slowly releases me, looking like it pains him to do so. I sit up with difficulty, and slowly make my way on to my feet. My face is flushed bright red, and I can’t look at him. “I assume we’re done, here?” I say as I straighten my clothes and start to walk towards the door. He doesn’t say anything, but I feel his eyes boring into me.

“Jade.”

His tone is brisk, and I stop in my tracks, but don’t turn. I feel him walk up behind me, his breath on my neck. “The dinner is cocktail attire, so make sure you wear something nice. We’ll go over a few things prior, so you’ll know how to approach certain topics. In fact, we’ll have a ‘practice’ sessions of sorts. I’ll let you know what night is good for me.” I hear the satisfied purr in his voice.

That is fucking it.

I whirl around and say though gritted teeth, “I hardly think that’s necessary, Eric. I’m not a fucking idiot, and I don’t need you to treat me like one, nor do I need you to-” he grabs me before I can finish my sentence, and moves me against the wall. His face grazes mine, and I see the vein throbbing in his neck from suppressed rage. Apprehension buzzes through me, and I force myself to meet his angry glare with my own.

“You still don’t seem to get it, Jade. When I tell you you’re doing something, I am not asking you. I am Dauntless leader, so regardless of where I focus my efforts, I am still your boss, whether you like it or not, and you will do as I say. If you have an issue with that, then maybe being an ambassador isn’t the spot for you.” He glowers at me with a clenched jaw.

 I will myself to be quiet, that I’ll only make things worse if I let my anger get the best of me, but I cant help it. And I know just where to hit him. I jerk my arm free. “No, Eric, maybe you and I just aren’t a good fit. You said I’m a reflection of you and my instructors? Well then perhaps an instructor other than yourself would be better. Maybe Four and I would-“ 

Eric pins me against the wall. His face mottles in anger, and my heart starts to pound. He stares at me for a long minute, and his fingers dig painfully into my arm. I prepare myself for whatever may happen.

"Not your fucking decision to make, Jade. Like it or not, you are mine, and it is me, and only me, that will be with you…on your rotation. At least for the time being,” he snaps angrily.

What the fuck? I get the feeling he’s not just talking about work. He grips my arms tighter, to the point that I’ll know I’ll have a mark. “Do you understand me, Jade?” He says through gritted teeth. With my heart in my throat, I nod. His eyes narrow and his nostrils flare.  _“DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, JADE! I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION! FUCKING ANSWER ME, NOW_!” Eric roars at the top of his lungs, his face an inch from mine.

“I understand you, Eric,” I snap, refusing to look away. He watches me for another long minute, then releases me and steps back.  "We’re done for now. You can go.“ He turns away, and I quickly hurry out the door before he changes his mind. I feel everyone’s eyes on me as I go, as we got so carried away I forgot they were there.

I quickly make my way through the Pit, trying to calm my racing heart. As I get on to the elevator, Eric steps into my line of vision. As the doors start to close, he holds my gaze and gives me his most evil, sadistic grin.

I need to be on my guard. This is nowhere  _near_  over. 

* * *

**PRESENT**

I come out of my reminiscence, as my phone suddenly glows on the counter. I pick it up and frown, as it’s a number I don’t recognize with an  _ERU_ in front of it…the Erudite code. Who would be calling me from Erudite? I press accept.

“Hello?”

“Hello…may I please speak with Ms. Jade Crawford?”

“Speaking…who’s this?” 

“Good morning Ms. Crawford. My name is Lisa, and I’m an assistant to Dr. Hamels, an attending physician here at the city medical center.”

A feeling of dread falls over me. “Okay…how can I help you?” I ask slowly. Why is an Erudite doctor calling me? Lisa clears her throat.

“Yes Ms. Crawford, we’ve had a patient admitted this morning, that was severely injured in a fall from the train. Ayden Sawyer? When we scanned his faction data, you came up as his emergency contact.”

I sink down on my bed, as my legs nearly give out on me. My mouth opens and closes, as I struggle to breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating. “Wh-what…” I finally stammer in a horrified whisper. Lisa dutifully gives me a moment, then continues.

“I’m sorry to tell you Ms. Crawford, that Mr. Sawyer took a bad and serious fall this morning. He fell out of a moving train near Randolph and Monroe, where it’s unfortunately high off the ground. He’s in surgery right now with Dr. Hamels. We’ll need you to come as soon as you’re able, to fill out the necessary paperwork.”

I force myself to take a deep breath and focus, though I can barely hear her over the blood roaring in my ears. “Is he going to make it?” I whisper tearfully, and try to brace myself.

“I honestly don’t know, Ms. Crawford. Dr. Hamels can give you more information when you get here.”

I hang up without another word. I put my head in my hands, too shell-shocked to completely process everything. I force myself again to snap out of it, and get up and sprint for the door.  My heart races as I ride down, willing the elevator to move faster. As I run through the Pit, I hear my name being called. I turn to see my mom hurrying towards me, concern etched on her face. I burst into tears as she reaches me.

“Jade,” she immediately demands and wraps her arms around me, “What’s going on? What happened? Where are you going?” She pulls back and her eyes scan me all over, looking for any visible sign of injury. 

I shake my head as tears stream down my face. “Mom,” I choke out in a shaky voice, “Something happened to Ayden. He’s in the hospital, and they said I needed to get there quickly.” Her eyes pop open.

“What happened?” she asks as she hurries with me toward the train tracks.

“I guess he fell off the train and hurt himself pretty bad.” 

“How did he fall off the train?”

“I don’t know, she wouldn’t tell me until I got there.” 

“How bad is it?”

“Again mom, I don’t know. He was in surgery when the nurse called.”

As we reach the train yard, I anxiously bite my lip and try to control my panic. Tamra exhales and runs her hand through her hair. She pulls me into a hug, and I rest my head on her shoulder as she rubs my back. “Try to calm down baby girl,” she soothes. “We don’t know everything yet. Ayden’s a tough kid, he’ll pull through,” she whispers as I shake with my tears.

Just then, the ground starts to rumble, and the train looms. We take off in a sprint, and grab the handle as it rolls by, pulling ourselves into the car. As we ride toward the Erudite sector of the city, my mind races with questions. How did Ayden fall? He’s Dauntless born and has been jumping on and off trains since he could walk, and has never fallen off once. Suddenly, my heart starts to beat faster, and a sick feeling stirs in my stomach.

Did Eric have something to do with this?

The last time Eric and I spoke, he told me that I “couldn’t say he didn’t warn me”. I know that Eric is determined to get what he wants, but would he really go so far as to try to  _kill_  Ayden? Would he really be so deranged and determined to destroy me, that he would commit murder? I rub my temple as I try to get a grip. I’m panicking and worried right now, and my mind isn’t quite right. I don’t want to jump to conclusions.

But I can’t shake the nagging feeling that somehow, Eric is involved.

As we reach the hospital, I leap off and hit the ground running, my mom with me every step of the way. We quickly reach the security scanner, and stretch our arms out, letting the laser rove over us. A computerized voice speaks a moment later.

Crawford, Jade – FACTION: Dauntless CITIZEN STANDING: Active CITIZEN POSITION: Ambassador

ACCESS: Granted 

Crawford, Tamra – FACTION: Dauntless CITIZEN STANDING: Active CITIZEN POSITION: Firearms Instructor/Shipment Coordinator

ACCESS: Granted

The doors open for us, and I make my way to the front desk. Behind it, is a young Erudite woman sitting behind a computer. Her eyes grow wide at the sight of two tense-looking, Amazonian women bearing down on her.  “Patient information,” I command with no preamble, and she hurriedly types a code and looks at us.

“Patient name?”

“Ayden Sawyer.” 

“Just a moment, it’s loading….”

I feel my famous temper rise as she stares at the screen for a moment, and I grit my teeth in frustration. Finally, it pings and she looks up. “He’s in STICU.” I roll my eyes and bang my hand on the desk. 

“And just  _what the fuck is that_?” I grit out angrily, not in the mood to decipher Erudite’s slang, and she jumps. “Oh, I’m sorry. Surgical Trauma Intensive Care Unit, 8th floor,” she sputters out, looking back at her screen. My mom gives her an apologetic half-smile as we make our way to the elevator.

Once we get to the 8th floor, we hurry down the corridor and follow the signs for STICU. I burst through the swinging door to the waiting area, and see three Dauntless patrolmen, all I recognize. 

I grew up with them; Chris, Taylor, and Logan. All three of them stand as I march toward them, Logan speaking first. “Jade….” He starts as I reach them. “Logan,” I whisper desperately, “What happened? How did he fall?” My tears start to slip down my cheeks, and Logan takes my hand.

“Everything happened so fast, Jade. I don’t really know. He asked me for a cigarette, I turned to give him one, and saw him falling.” I shake my head. “Did he slip, or trip? It doesn’t make sense.” I look at all three of them pleadingly, then my heart sinks, as they all glance at each other, and then look at the floor. 

There’s something they’re not telling me.

“Logan,” my tone is deadly as I step closer, “What the fuck happened?” I angrily demand, and the three huge, strapping men look visibly intimidated.

Chris speaks up. “Jade…we don’t know. One minute we were all talking and then the next thing we know, Ayden falls out of the side. It was weird,” he says as he shrugs his shoulders with a bewildered look. I turn my full attention to him.

“How was it weird?”

“Well, he wasn’t even near the entrance. All of a sudden, he just started walking forward, and didn’t stop. He walked right off the train.”

“What do you mean, he just ‘walked off’? Did he slip?” 

“No, Jade. He didn’t even reach for the handle bar. We were talking, he asked Logan for a cigarette, I thought he was walking toward him to get it, but he didn’t stop. When I saw that he was going to fall, I reached out and tried to grab him and pull him back, but all I could get was his jacket, and it ripped and he fell. We all jumped and rolled immediately, and got to him as fast as we could. Thankfully we were near the hospital and the medics got to him quickly. 

I shake my head, angry, confused and upset. I look at my mom, whom just shakes her head, as confused as I am. “I’ve known Ayden since he was a baby,” Tamra says. “He’s never once fallen off the train. But maybe it was just a freak accident, honey,” she reasons, as she wraps her arm around me. 

I rub my pounding forehead, as I rest my head on her shoulder. “It just doesn’t make sense,” I whisper as my tears threaten again. I notice Taylor is shifting uncomfortably, and I narrow my eyes. He knows something. “Taylor,” I say slowly as I pick my head up. I move toward him, and he looks away for a moment. “Taylor,” I repeat. “What is it?” Taylor swallows thickly and takes a deep breath.

“Jade…it was almost as if he did it on purpose.”

“What the fuck did you just say? That’s crazy!” 

“Jade, he didn’t even scream, or make any sound at all. He just had this weird, blank look on his face, even as he was falling.” 

I throw my hands in the air in exasperation. “Because he was caught off guard!” I cry desperately, my gut wrenching at the suggestion that Ayden actually jumped on purpose. Taylor immediately holds his hands up apologetically. “I’m sorry, Jade, you’re right….I shouldn’t have said that….” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. I sink down into a nearby chair, my mom sitting beside me and holding my hand.

Time seems to drag as we sit in the waiting room, tense and not speaking. I stare at the floor, trying to shake this feeling that somehow this wasn’t an accident. I know I’m being irrational in thinking that Eric is somehow involved. I must be going crazy….Eric wasn’t even on the train. Something suddenly occurs to me.

Just because Eric wasn’t there, it doesn’t mean he didn’t have Ayden pushed.

My eyes narrow as I look up at the three men sitting across from me, my eyes shifting to each one of them for a sign of guilt. But all I see is exhaustion and tension. I sigh and shake my head. Ayden grew up with all of these guys, as did I, and they would never hurt him, and don’t even have a reason to. I have to stop jumping to illogical conclusions. I’m probably making something out of nothing. Ayden probably just fell in a freak accident, like my mom said.

Suddenly, something occurs to me. The nurse said he fell near Randolph and Monroe, which is in the Erudite sector. What was Ayden doing at Erudite?

 Before I can think about it further, a young doctor enters the waiting area. He’s tall, wearing a crisp white coat and clutching a tablet. He moves his stethoscope to the side as he glances up.

“Ayden Sawyer?”

We all immediately stand, and the doctor is visibly intimidated by all the tense Dauntless soldiers in warrior mode striding his way. I step forward.

“I’m his wife…will be his wife. Jade Crawford.”

The doctor nods and glances at his tablet. “I’m Dr. Hamels, your husband’s attending physician. Mr. Sawyer is out of surgery, and I’m pleased to say it went well.” I breathe a small sigh of relief, and collapse on my mom’s shoulder.

 “Is he in a lot of pain?” I whisper, and Dr. Hamels glances at his tablet again. “He broke both legs and his collarbone, and we have to monitor him for swelling on the brain, as well as internal bleeding. We have him sedated, and for the time being, he’s comfortable.” He clears his throat and I take a deep breath. “When can I see him?” He swallows thickly.

“Ms. Crawford, your husband is very lucky. The fall was very bad, but he managed to land in a position that prevented him from breaking his neck. However, the trauma to his brain from the impact is severe enough that we’ll have to put him in a medically induced coma for a while.”

My heart sinks, as I gaze at the doctor horrified. “For how long?” I whisper. The doctor gives me a sympathetic gaze. “I can’t say in certain terms, Ms. Crawford. We have to make sure the swelling in his brain doesn’t grow worse.”

Dr. Hamels goes over a few more details, and I try to listen without breaking down. After he leaves I try to process everything, feeling like I’m in a nightmare. Tamra takes my hand, as she sees I’m about to lose it completely.

“Let’s get some fresh air, Jade.”

I nod slowly as she gives me a sympathetic squeeze, and I let her lead me out. Tamra pulls me into a nearby stairwell and holds me as I sob, stroking my hair. I look at her with a tearstained face.

“Mom,” I whisper brokenly, “What if he doesn’t wake up?”

“Baby girl, Ayden is a fighter. They only put him in a coma to heal. He’ll pull through…

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“You can’t think like that Jade…”

“But it’s true, Mom! What if-“

“Jade, don’t drive yourself crazy with thoughts like that. I know it’s easier said than done. But he’s in good hands.” 

As my body is wracked with deep sobs, I take a deep breath and try to calm down. “Mom, I can’t shake the feeling that Eric is somehow behind this,” I whisper as I slowly pull myself up.  She brushes a strand of hair from my eyes as he shakes her head, confused. “How could Eric possibly be behind it?” She whispers back, mindful of prying ears.

“I think Eric might’ve made good on his threat.” I take a deep breath, and tell her about the last time Eric and I saw each other. Her eyes widen.

“But how, Jade? Eric wasn’t even on the train…”

“Doesn’t mean he didn’t have one of them push him.” 

 Tamra knits her brows together as she purses her lips. “Well,” she sighs after a minute. “I wouldn’t put anything past a Dauntless leader going after what he wants. But in this case, I don’t know how it’s possible. He wasn’t even there, Jade.”

My eyes narrow. “I don’t know how it’s possible either,” I acquiesce, as I square my shoulders.

“But I sure as hell intend to find out.”

* * *

I stay at the hospital the rest of the day, until my mom finally convinced me to go home and get some rest. Ayden is in isolation and no one can see him where he is, so there’s nothing I can really do but wait. I left strict instruction that I’m to be notified the minute there’s a change, or he’s allowed visitors. Leah and my other friends have called and texted, but I’m not really in the mood to see anyone right now.

I let myself in, then stop dead in my tracks as soon as I cross over the threshold.

Eric is sitting on my couch.

“What the fuck are you doing here,” I hiss, my voice dripping with venom. He smirks, his eyes full of malice. “Nice to see you to, Jade,” he chuckles as he slowly rises and stands in front of me, giving me a mock sympathetic smile.

“What’s a matter? Have a bad day?”

He never breaks eye contact as he saunters into the kitchen, getting two glasses out of the cupboard. His eyes narrow and his smirk grows as he pours. “Yes, I did hear we had a soldier try to commit suicide this morning. Ironic how it turned out to be your fiancé,” he sneers. He takes a sip, as he eyes me over the brim.

“I guess he wasn’t as happy as you thought he was.”

I feel my pulse spike as white-hot fury burns through my veins. I was right. He  _was_  behind this somehow.

The distinct smell of whiskey permeates throughout the room, making my nose wrinkle. He strides over to me and hands me a glass, which I refuse. He rolls his eyes. "Take it, Jade. You obviously need-” the rest of what he says is lost, as I grab the glass out of his hand and throw the contents in his face. 

He looks at me wide-eyed, and I think see a flicker of admiration in his eye, which is quickly replaced by anger. As he reaches for me, I slap his hand away.

“I know you had something to do with this Eric,” I growl, so enraged that I’m seeing red. His eyes rove over me as he chuckles, further fueling my anger. He doesn’t even bother to pretend to not know what I’m talking about. He picks up a kitchen towel and wipes his face.

“Enlighten me, Jade. How exactly am I to blame for this…I wasn’t even on the fucking train when he jumped,” Eric growls and I shake my head vigorously. “He didn’t fucking jump, Eric! Ayden would never…ever do that! You had something to do with this, you fucking asshole, and I want to hear you fucking admit it!” I demand furiously.

He rolls his eyes again as he crosses over to me and wraps his arms around me. He presses his forehead to mine, “stop being so dramatic,” he whispers.

“You fucking piece of -”

He lowers his mouth and kisses me. I try to wrench my face away, but he brings one arm up and forces my mouth to his. He parts his lips and his tongue starts to massage mine slowly, seductively, then with greater force. I feel my abdomen clench, and my mind start to cloud. I mentally slap myself. No. I’ll not let him use this as a weapon any longer.

I want answers, and I’m going to get them.

With difficulty, I wrench myself away, though Eric darts his arm out and pulls me back. He wraps his arms around me in a bear hug, and my arms are trapped at my sides. His muscles bulge against me, and his breath is hot on my neck. “Get the fuck off me!” I hiss, “I will fucking kill you, Eric, I’m not kidding!” He grits his teeth. “Calm the fuck down, and I will. And I’d love to see you try.” I stop squirming momentarily, as it’s only tiring me out. I’m paralyzed in his steel cage. 

I take a deep breath and look at him with eyes blazing. “You know, I understand why you left Erudite now. You didn’t belong there. Because if you think that I’ll ever really be yours, you’re a fucking moron.”

Fury spreads slowly across his face. I smirk at him coyly. “You think this changes anything? Let me explain something to you. You’re nothing but a hard cock and a warm mouth. That’s it. That’s the extent of the use I have for you.” I finally manage to snake my hands up to his chest and shove him off of me.

 “That’s all you ever were, and that’s all you’ll ever be. So once again, Eric, you come in second to another man. Now get out,” I command forcefully. Eric takes a step forward, his face twisted in rage. 

“Why exactly do you think that? Because he’s so much better than I am, or you are, for that matter?  Because you’re so in tune with each other? Let me tell you something Jade. You may think you know him, but you have no fucking clue about the man you supposedly love and  _think_ you’re going to marry…..just like he has no clue that his precious fiancée is a whore that’s been sucking my cock for months now,” he snarls through gritted teeth.

 _Whore_ …

Time seems to stand still for a moment, as I feel pure, unadulterated, white-hot rage sear through my entire being. My fist clench into balls beside me, as I feel as if I’ve stepped outside of my body. A force greater than me takes control….

Then all hell breaks loose.

I feel myself moving forward, but it’s almost like I’m in a trance. Everything is surreal, as my unbridled rage is let completely loose, and fills me up to the point I feel like I’m drowning. I feel my fist connect with Eric’s jaw, though I don’t remember raising it to swing. Everything happens so fast. Before I realize what I’m doing, I punch him twice more in the face, and I move to hit him again, but he grabs my arm. I elbow him with my other one, hard. I catch him right in the nose.

He sweeps his leg out and knocks me off my feet. I hit the floor with a thud and my head bounces off the tile painfully. With a vicious snarl, he grabs either side of my hair and slams my head into the floor. The world around me starts to go black, but I fight to keep consciousness. Eric covers my body with his, attempting to pin my wrists above my head. “Crazy bitch,” he hisses. I knee him right in the ribs. He yelps in pain, and I manage to break his grip.

Fighting through my dizziness, I roll over and leap to my feet. I feel like I’m floating as I pick up the glass end table near the couch, and drop it on him completely. I watch as it breaks into a million pieces. Eric only managed to cover his face and curl into a ball at the last minute. Still consumed by my rage, I pick up a glass shard and move toward him, clutching it like a dagger.

I only stop, once Eric scrambles to his feet and pulls his gun out of the holster, aiming it right at me.

We both freeze, out of breath. I feel blood trickling down my temple, and my vision starts to cloud. Eric spits out a tooth I knocked loose, a small trickle of blood seeping from the corner of his mouth. We stare each other down for a minute, then I laugh. An eerie, chilling laugh that makes him flinch. With my face twisted in a grotesque smile, I lean even closer. The barrel of the gun is less than a fraction of a centimeter from my forehead, and I feel the cool circle graze the space between my eyebrows.

“Do it,” I whisper.

Eric’s eyes widen slightly, but he shows no other reaction. I press myself closer. The barrel is now solidly against my forehead. “Do it,” I hiss again, as my eyes fill with tears. “Back…up…Jade. Now,” he warns in a low tone, as our eyes stay locked. He tries to move back slightly, then startles as I reach up and grip the front of the gun.

With the same mirthless chuckle, I shake my head again. “Do it, you fucking pussy! You had the balls to aim it at me, have the balls to pull the fucking trigger!  _Do…it…!”_  I scream desperately.

Eric cocks the hammer, and a tiny click sounds. “Jade,” he murmurs in a lethal tone, “Don’t make me do this. I will if I have to.”  

 As we face off, suddenly all the fight drains from me. I know I need to calm down and think, though rationality isn’t possible right now. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, then open them again. “Do it,” I finally whisper, almost pleading this time. Eric’s eyes search my face, stunned. He lowers the gun after a moment. “Jade…” he trails off.  I just gaze at him, completely numb.

“Fuck you, Eric. I’m done. Shoot me if you want. Either way, this is over.”

I turn on my heel and leave, closing the door behind me.

I make my way down the hall, grateful that the elevator doors open immediately. I shake my head sadly as I step on to the car. This is never going to end. He’s not going to stop hurting the people I love. To protect them, there’s only one thing I can do.

My phone rings. I narrow my eyes, and shake my head in disgust. I might as well answer, he’s not going to stop calling.

“What,” I snarl in answer

“Get your ass back here right now,” he demands.

“No. I meant it, Eric. This is over. Goodbye for good.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“Exactly what I fucking said. I’m done. Done with you, done with this whole sick game. Do with that what you will. Have a nice fucking life.” 

There’s a moment of stunned silence, then he starts to laugh. “Oh really?” he sneers. “Just where do you think you’ll go, that I can’t get to you? You really think-“ I cut him off mid-sentence.

“You’re wrong, Eric,” I cut in, as my voice starts to shake, and tears start to spill down my cheeks. I take a deep breath, and continue as the elevator stops and I get off. “There is one thing I could do, that you would have no more hold on me.” I step out on to the gravel and hear the train whistle get near. Eric scoffs in the phone. “And what exactly is that?” he sneers. I take another breath.

“I can defect from Dauntless.”

Explosive silence falls like a bomb between us. “Jade….” Eric finally utters in a shocked voice. He breathes deeply into the phone.

“Jade,” he whispers, “Calm down…look, shit got out of hand, but -”

“No, Eric, this is what has to be. If Ayden is going end up dead or factionless because of me, then I’m going to be factionless with him.“

“Jade NO! Just stay put. We need to talk about this, just don’t-“

I shake my head as my body is wracked with unshed tears. “I can’t let you hurt anyone else because of me,” I cut in with a whisper.“ I’m sorry it has to end this way….” the train rolls up at that moment, and I jump on it with ease as it passes by.

“Goodbye, Eric,” I whisper.

“ _JADE_!” he screams desperately. 

But I already hung up, throwing my phone out of the rushing train, as I know he’ll track it. I sink down to the floor and let my grief overtake me.


	9. Outtake -Forward Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place when Eric left Jade after their confrontation. This is what really happened to Ayden on the train, and yes, Eric was behind it. 
> 
> some swearing. Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

By sheer force of will, Eric makes himself head to his office. He stalks back to the HQ sector, willing himself to calm down before he does something he’ll regret later. That’s the only reason he left in the first place. 

 It’s all he can do not to turn around, storm back up to Jade’s apartment, break down the door if he has to, and fuck her senseless again to remind her who she really belongs to, even if she’s still denying it. 

He closes his eyes as he sinks down into his chair, his hands clenched at his sides. Rage begins to simmer in his veins, quickly coming to a boil that threatens to consume him from the inside out, to the point that he has an actual bitter taste in his mouth.

His eyes open and narrow almost into slits. His features twist into a grotesque, angry snarl as he thinks of Jade with Ayden last night.  _She fucked Ayden_ , mere hours after she left his bed. His anger grows until finally, he swings his arm violently across his desk, sending the contents flying to the floor. 

Eric takes several deep breaths, clenching his jaw. He takes out a cigarette and sits back down in his chair, letting the smoke billow around his head as he thinks. A sinister chuckle escapes him as he shakes his head.

He warned Jade. She didn’t listen. Now, she’ll find out the hard way.

He feels a momentary flash of hesitation at what he’s about to do, but it’s gone as quickly as it came. Eric gets what he wants, and what he wants is Jade. if this is the only way to do it, so be it. 

Jade has no one to blame but herself, and she won’t even really be able to trace this back to him. He takes a long drag of his cigarette, exhales, and pulls out his phone. He trains a lethal gaze on the wall, as he waits for it to connect.

“Eric,” Jeanine greets coolly when she answers.

“I need to meet with you as soon as your schedule permits,” he states curtly, offering no greeting. 

“Indeed? A new development?” 

“Yes. I have a solution to both of our dilemmas.” 

He lays out his plan, and Jeanine murmurs in approval as she listens, and he can practically hear the evil bitch smiling. “I’ll need two days to procure the necessary items. I’ll have my assistant clear my schedule for that day entirely, to ensure no disruption. Do you anticipate any hurdles to arise on your end?” she inquires with a hint of excitement, and Eric rolls his eyes. 

He strokes his chin, his eyes fixed forward. He won’t feel bad about this. He can’t let his feelings for Jade get in the way of the end result. Yes, she’ll be hurt by this, but it has to be done. Ayden has to eliminated, and if Jade won’t do it herself, he will.

 “Nothing will get in my way when it comes to this, Jeanine. I guarantee it.”

* * *

A few days later Eric slams the door, jumping down from the truck. Dawn is starting to break, and several Amities are doing their daily chores and going about their business already. They all glance at each other as they see the tall, handsome Dauntless leader making his way through their faction, obviously on a mission. 

Eric ignores them as he stalks into the silo that doubles as the Amity business office, and scowls at the skinny girl with long stringy hair. He purses his lips as she gives him a welcoming smile, as customary with all Amity.

“Hello sir. How can I be of assistance?”

“The chief of security, Ayden Sawyer. Where has he established quarters?”

She hums as she types in the computer, and Eric feels his irritation grow. Finally, she looks up and smiles, and he grits his teeth in return. He hates all this happy-go-lucky bullshit. “The old water treatment facility, about half a mile down on the left.” Eric turns and walks away without another word.

He drives down and stops when he sees several Dauntless guards outside the huge metal structure that was once the water treatment plant, that was converted to temporary housing. Several guards greet him with a small salute, and Eric just nods. He stops in front of a young guard, glowering down at him. “Sawyer?” he barks, and the guard jumps slightly. “Two doors down on the left,” he answers.

Eric stalks through the silo, willing himself to calm down. Even though he wants to put Ayden’s head through the wall, he has a specific part to play right now, and has to appear casual. He takes a deep breath, as he gets to Ayden’s room.  He knocks on the door, and waits. Impatient, he knocks again, a little louder this time and with more force. Just then, the door opens and to his surprise, a female guard, Casey, stands behind it.

She’s wearing only a t-shirt that barely covers her bottom, and her eyes are bleary from obviously being awakened abruptly. “Oh, Eric,” she startles in surprise, and tries to cover herself. Eric clenches his teeth in irritation. 

 _Fucking imbecile gave me the wrong room_ , he seethes to himself. “I’m looking for Sawyer. Which room is his?” he snaps, and suddenly her face becomes flushed. He narrows his eyes, and she looks away for a moment.

“Umm…well…this  _is_  his room,” she whispers in an embarrassed hush.

Understanding dawns on his face, and he inhales sharply. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. Then the door opens fully, and Ayden comes into view. 

“Eric…. Shit, did we have a meeting today…” Ayden murmurs, slightly shocked. He shoots a glare at Casey, whom shrugs apologetically. A sly smirk starts to form on Eric’s lips, as he sees Ayden is shirtless, and has a slightly panicked look about him as he hastily pulls on a pair of jeans. Eric looks from Casey to him, raising his brows. He doesn’t miss the silent message Ayden is sending Casey:  _why the fuck did you open my door?!_

 Ayden opens his mouth to speak, when Eric cuts him off. “Get yourself together, and meet me in the business office in five minutes,” he snaps, giving him a pointed glare. He turns and walks away without another word, trying to keep the evil smile off his face. Oh, is this rich… and ironic. If he had any doubt before regarding what he was about to do, it was all just erased completely.

Jade is better off without this loser.  

 _At least this one is in his league_ , he thinks to himself as he pulls out a cigarette. Jade is ten times more beautiful than the gutter slut Ayden obviously screwed last night, and hasn’t been with every fucking guy that guards the wall, like Casey has. He exhales, deep in thought.  _Didn’t I fuck her once_? Eric ponders as he waits for Ayden. He thinks back and nods. Yes, when he was new to Dauntless. He fucked her in a bathroom… he thinks.

His train of thought is broken, as Ayden comes hurrying into the office, slightly out of breath. Eric immediately wipes the smirk from his face, and hardens his expression. He takes another drag of his cigarette, flicking the ashes on the ground. Ayden sighs, then a slightly sheepish smirk pulls at his lips.

“Little too much to drink last night,” he offers with a shrug, and his smirk vanishes as Eric snaps his eyes up to him. “Where you choose to stick your dick is not my concern, Sawyer,” he snaps. He looks Ayden dead in the eye, as he laces his hands over his stomach.

“What  _is_  my concern is that one of my soldiers abandoned post without prior approval, and I want an explanation.”

Ayden blanches, then shakes his head. “I had my post covered, Eric. I didn’t abandon it. I just ended up having the evening free, and thought I could go home for a night-” he starts to explain, and Eric immediately cuts him off.

“Well, you thought fucking wrong. You, and any soldier for that matter, are not to leave this faction without expressed approval from me. I didn’t think I’d have to explain that to the man I hand-picked to lead this mission. Tell me; was putting you in charge a mistake?” he challenges, slightly satisfied at the nervous look on Ayden’s face.

“No sir,” Ayden grits out, obviously holding his temper. Eric stands to his full height and gives Ayden a hard stare. “If it happens again, with you or anyone assigned to this mission, I’ll consider it dereliction, and I’ll charge you with such. You’ll be relieved of duty, and your rank will be stripped.” He gets right in Ayden’s face, whom returns his stare with an equally hard expression.

“So if you decide that getting pussy is more important than your responsibility to this mission, I’ll go ahead and name a new commander, and you can freeze your ass off on the wall,” he snarls, and Ayden’s eyes narrow. “That won’t be necessary Eric. It won’t happen again,” he all but snaps.

Eric feels a slight satisfaction. “I didn’t think so. Now, there is something else that brings me here,” he states, and Ayden looks at him expectedly. Eric stands and gestures toward where the truck is parked.  

“Get in the truck. There’s a matter at Erudite to attend to.”

* * *

Eric’s eyes are glued to the train surveillance screen, as he watches the security video feed from inside Jeanine’s lab. He steadies his breathing, as he watches Ayden standing on the train, holding on to the rail and appearing totally normal.  _Please let this work_ , he silently entreats. This is it. This is his one shot to get rid of Ayden for good, and it can’t fail. Eric narrows his eyes.

Even if Ayden survives this, he’ll likely not be fit for Dauntless and have to leave. 

Eric can’t help but chuckle silently, priding himself on his plan. “It’s just a tracking device,” he’d explained right before Ayden was injected with the serum. “All the Dauntless around Amity are receiving them. You know…as a precaution.” Ayden didn’t question it, and then got back on the train to head back to Amity as Eric ordered, none the wiser.

Jeanine types something into her tablet, and several large screens suddenly light up all around them. With a cold, gleeful smirk she looks up and nods at several men standing behind control panels.

“Initialize test subject for simulation trial run.”  

They nod, and type in their codes. The screen to the left starts to glow red with Ayden’s brain activity. Eric’s breath hitches, as he crosses his massive arms. Jeanine clears her throat, then speaks into the microphone attached to her tablet.

Jeanine gives a few small orders, which Ayden follows without hesitation. Some he  does as small gestures, like scratching his ear when Jeanine tells him to. Some he speaks. Jeanine types another code into her tablet, then pulls the microphone to her lips. “Can I have a cigarette,” she states clearly, and they all watch the screens. One of the technicians turns the volume up.

Ayden turns a blank look to Logan on the screen. “Can I have a cigarette,” he asks in a monotone, blank voice. Eric feels his heart start to race. Jeanine looks at Eric with her signature cruel smile. “Auditory command processing – success,” she speaks into her personal recorder. 

.Just before Jeanine is about to give the final command, she takes a deep breath and turns to Eric.

“Do you still want to engage the final test?” She asks quietly.

Eric turns a steady eye on her, his gaze unwavering. “Yes,” he growls without a moment’s hesitation. Jeanine’s eyes flicker with pride, and she nods in confirmation. “Okay,” she whispers and brings the microphone back to her lips.

“Walk forward, soldier. Do not stop.”

Eric feels his blood pressure start to rise, as Ayden immediately takes a step forward. Then another one. And another. Eric grips the edge of the desk, as Ayden gets near the open car door. This is it. This has to work, it has to.

With a calm, blank expression, Ayden walks out of the train car.

Eric can’t keep the evil smile from his face, as Taylor, Logan and Chris all rush to the entrance, horrified looks on their faces.  A moment later, they all leap from the train. Eric closes his eyes, breathing deeply. “trial run simulation successful,” he hears Jeanine’s say into her recorder.

It’s done. Now nothing will stop him from finally making Jade completely his.


	10. Breaking Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, this is the tale of Eric and Jade’s first encounter. This whole chapter is a flashback,with the exception of the beginning. It took a little while, as it was running a little long. One of these days I’ll learn to edit lol. 
> 
> As Jade tries to calm down from her fight with Eric, she recalls the exact moment she fell into his trap. 
> 
> Warnings: language, smut, and rough sex. 
> 
> Enjoy!

As the train rolls through the city, I just stare out the window blankly, too numb to cry anymore. I’ve been riding for a while, trying to get my head straight. Now that I’ve had a chance to let things calm down slightly, I realize I need to take a breath and get a grip. I don’t know what I’m doing, or even where the fuck I’m going. 

I just know I can’t go on this like this. 

I gather my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them tightly. My throat constricts as I think of Ayden lying in a hospital bed, comatose, barely clinging to his life. Tears threaten again, as guilt and grief attack me. I rest my head against the back of the car and close my eyes tightly. I swallow painfully at the memory of Eric calling me that word. Whore…

I can’t even be mad at him for saying it, because it’s true. That’s exactly what I am…and now, I’m getting exactly what I deserve.

My face crumples, and my tears finally flow like a dam bursting. How did things even get to this point? How could I have let this whole situation get so out of hand?

How did this even happen in the first place?

I can’t stay on the train forever, and I need to figure out exactly how to handle things from this point. I shake my head and wipe the tears from my face. I exhale sadly as I get off the train near Navy Pier. I need some time to think, clear my head a little, and get myself in check.

I sit on an abandoned, rickety old bench and look at the city in the full moonlight. I can only imagine what it must have looked like all those years ago, when these old buildings were built. I sigh, and feel exhaustion come over me… 

I know I’ll have to go back to Dauntless eventually, but I need to get some perspective before I do. I need to figure out what the fuck I was thinking, doing this without a thought out plan.

I let my mind wander as I gaze at the stars, and it eventually wanders to the night my whole world got flipped upside down…

* * *

**FIRST FACTION VISIT**

I take a sip of coffee and sigh as I look out the window of my room. I got here a little early, so I’d have time to get ready before the dinner tonight. I take a deep breath and try to calm the butterflies in my stomach. 

This is an informal meet-and-greet dinner and my first official act of business as an Ambassador. I’m praying this goes well, and that Eric and I don’t kill each other.

I finish my coffee and get up to get ready, so I won’t be late. I have to meet Eric in the lounge of the visitor complex, and I’ll never hear the end of it if I’m not on time. I take a quick shower, then put on my makeup and style my hair. I feel a small excitement, as I take my dress off the hanger and zip it up. Leah custom-made it for me, and it’s awesome.

I scrutinize my reflection as I slip on my high heels. I turn and look over my shoulder, giving a small nod of satisfaction. Leah has truly outdone herself, and has a real talent for design. My dress is gorgeous, and I hardly recognize myself in it. 

It’s a satin black that crosses in the front. Its gathered material enhances my bust, and the way it’s wrapped makes my waist look miniscule. It stops just below my knee, though there’s a sexy slit on the side so I can sit comfortably.

My favorite part is the back though. The straps go just to my shoulders, and the back plunges almost to my spine, leaving almost my whole back bare. Leah picked out strappy shoes that give me an extra inch of height, that draw a lot of attention to my long legs. My blonde hair falls in shiny, sleek layers around my tanned shoulders, giving my head the appearance of spun gold.

My golden green eyes are almost luminescent, and even more piercing against the light rim of black eyeliner. My lips are full and lush against the lip-gloss Leah insisted I wear. I close my eyes for a moment, and then stare wistfully at my reflection. I still can’t believe that’s me, Jade Crawford, the Dauntless girl that could easily arm-wrestle most guys and win, staring back.  

I exhale slowly, and give my appearance one last inspection before I go to meet Eric. I ride down to the lobby, and smile at the man behind the reception desk, whom greets me in return.

“Hi…could you tell me the way to the lounge?”

“Certainly…it’s just down the hall from the Dining Room, across the way.” 

“Thank you.” 

I make my way to the lounge, and feel a buzzing electricity start to flow through my veins, that I quickly try to shake off. I take a deep breath, and walk through the entrance, feeling eyes on me as I scour the room for Eric. Several men glance in my direction, and give me flirtatious smiles, though I just nod in return. My heart gives a little jump, as I finally spot him at the bar, sipping an amber-colored drink.

His eyes rove over my body as I step towards him slowly, and it feels like all the blood has rushed to the lower center of my belly. The intensity of his gaze makes me shiver. Wow, I think to myself as he slowly stands, finishing his drink. I’ve never really seen Eric in anything other than the fighting gear he wears around the compound, and I’ve never really noticed just how handsome he is.

Eric is wearing an all black suit with no tie, and a dinner jacket. His short blond hair is perfectly groomed and slicked back slightly. His shirt is slightly open at the top, drawing my eye to his strong chest and shoulders. I slowly meet his gaze as I look up, and I feel my pulse quicken. He walks toward me, and a crafty smirk pulls at the corners of his lips.

“Well, you sure clean up nicely…” he drawls, and I bite back a sarcastic response. “Thank you,” I mutter with a tight smile and slight roll of my eyes. 

He swallows the rest of his drink, and lays the glass on the bar. “Ready?” he asks, and I nod. I start to turn towards the entryway, when Eric suddenly grabs my hand and wraps it around his bulging bicep. I snap my eyes to his in bewilderment.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m your escort. I’m escorting you.” 

“I can walk without any assistance, Eric. Is this really necessary?”

“To show that you’re not just another Dauntless cavewoman, incapable of manners and etiquette? Yes.” 

I give an exasperated sigh, as he leads us toward the Dining Hall. As we enter the large, spacious room, I see several other faction Ambassadors and Leaders in attendance. Some I recognize, some I don’t. 

Several hushes fall through the crowd as we pass. People are always a little intimidated by Dauntless, and Eric and I are no exception. We’re both tall, blond, muscle-toned, and look every bit of the warriors we’re supposed to be.

As we pass a large mirror, I catch sight of us. My breath hitches in my chest, as I see just how much we compliment each other’s best attributes; my femininity makes him look even more masculine and rugged, and he makes me look womanly and graceful. My body looks like it’s a perfect fit for Eric’s. We look like…. almost as if…

We look like we were made for each other.

I quickly force myself to tear my eyes away, and glance at Eric. To my surprise, I see him looking in the mirror as well. He turns to me, and as our eyes connect, I feel a strange pull in my chest. It’s just nerves, I tell myself firmly. I tear my eyes away, willing myself to focus. I have a job to do, and I need to concentrate.

Just then, one of the Amity leaders, Billy, approaches us. “Jade,” he greets warmly, giving me a quick hug. I return it, and smile. “Billy, good to see you. How’s Charity?” I ask. Charity is his wife. I was in school with both of them. 

He beams as he motions around the room. “She’s very well, thank you. Due any day now, with our second. A boy,” he says. He smiles and turns toward Eric, sticking out his hand.

“This must be your husband. I’m Billy Carter, one of the newly appointed leaders here at Amity.”

I wait for Eric to correct him, but to my surprise, he just smirks and shakes his hand. “Eric Coulter,” he says smoothly. Billy turns back to me. “Oh, Coulter? I thought your last name was Crawford….” I quickly smile and shrug. “It is….Eric isn’t my husband, we just work together.”

I hear Eric’s sharp intake of breath, but he doesn’t say anything. Billy shrugs with an apologetic smile. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed. You guys look great together. Would you like me to show you to your table?” I nod and smile. “Please.”

As we follow Billy through the dining room, Eric gives me an irritated glance as he once more puts my hand on his arm. Puzzled, I just ignore it. What could I have possibly done to piss him off? He leans into my ear as we reach our table.

“Just let me do the talking. I’ll let you know when to step in.”

I shake my head, and sit down in the chair Eric pulled out for me. As the other faction representatives take their places at the table, he turns to me with a serious eye. “This is technically a business function, so no more than two drinks total for the entire evening.” I scoff and roll my eyes.

“It takes a lot more than two drinks to get me drunk, Eric. I’m Dauntless-born, remember?”  

“Yes, You’re Dauntless, and not used to dealing with the timid Abnegation or the sophisticated Erudite. You’re used to dealing with drunken Neanderthals. I won’t have you embarrass either one of us by acting like a drunken fairy. No more than two glasses, and I will be watching.” 

I grit my teeth in anger. “You are such an asshole,” I whisper under my breath. I look around, then turn to him again. “Why didn’t you correct Billy about not being my husband? Why are you trying to make it look like we’re a couple when we are anything but? You’re really fucking weird…”

He grips my elbow as he fixes determined eyes on me. “Because we’re in a hippy compound, where they’re all about free love and all that bullshit. If they want to think we’re together, and it makes them more inclined to move in our favor, I’ll let them think that. Whatever it takes to close the deal. This is the kind of thing you need to learn.” He nods at several Erudite as they sit across from us. I force a smile to my face as I look away for a moment.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re not in Candor then,” I mutter quietly. “It would take them all of ten seconds to see we can’t stand each other.”

Throughout the evening, Eric keeps one arm around the back of my chair. He orders my dinner for me, and insists that I need to try to eat as much as I can, and not to drink more than a glass of wine. “it’s only polite,” he states with a shrug, though there’s something different in his tone. He also keeps putting bread on my plate. It’s delicious, and I eat all of it. I’m surprised, as I don’t really have a huge appetite.

For some reason I can’t explain, I start to feel almost giddy after a while. I look at Eric and smile, but I don’t know why. The corners of his mouth turn up, and I don’t know why he looks so damn smug right now.

I’m engrossed in conversation with Charity and Bree, another Amity wife as Eric speaks with Billy and another leader, David. I had mentioned one of Eric’s ideas about security during transport of food and goods, and David was very interested in his concept. 

As the dinner winds down, and we prepare to leave, I have a stupid smile on my face, and I’m completely relaxed. I feel a strange tingle throughout my body, and I can’t wipe this stupid grin off my face, no matter how hard I try.

Eric keeps giving me sly, furtive sideway glances, and smirks when I finish my fifth piece of bread.

“Make sure you drink all of this,” he says as a steaming cup of tea is placed in front of me. I pucker my lips in confusion.

“Why?

“Because it’s a special tea, that the Amity reserve for guests. Drink it.”

“Where’s yours?”

“I already drank mine.”

I shrug, and take a sip. There’s no alcohol in it and it has a minty taste, and hint of honey. It’s delicious, and has a calming, soothing effect. I finish it all. As we prepare to leave, I stand up too quickly, and I get dizzy for a moment. 

Eric wraps his arm around me, keeping me from tripping. I just giggle as I look up at him, and see his pupils are blown wide. “Are we ready to go?” I ask with a huge smile. He gives me a leering grin.

“Oh yeah. We’re more than ready. “

* * *

I stumble into the hotel elevator, with Eric right behind me. I giggle. I can’t get this stupid smile off my face, and there’s a distant buzzing in my ears. I feel so light and carefree, almost like dancing. 

What the fuck is wrong with me? I know I’m not even close to drunk, as Eric would not allow me to drink any more than two glasses, yet I feel as buzzed and floaty as if I were.

What the hell am I so giggly and happy?

Eric eyes me slyly as the elevator takes us up to our respective rooms. “How’re you feeling, Jade?” He asks in a low voice, his eyes flicking over my body. I squint at him through blurred eyes. The normal disgust and repulsion I feel toward him is strangely absent. 

“I feel…great…. Eric,” I sing-song with a giggle. His name is fun to say. His sly smile deepens. Just then, the elevator stops on our floor. I stumble off again, my untrained feet unsteady in my high heels. Eric places his hand on the small of my back, guiding me down the hall. But he doesn’t stop in front of my room.

He stops in front of his.

“What are you doing, silly? This is your room, not mine,” I laugh. He looks at me with blazing eyes that would normally repulse me, but it doesn’t bother me. “There’s still some business I need to discuss with you before the night is over." 

I just giggle and shrug. For some reason, nothing at all bothers me right now. Everything is funny and lovable.

We stand in front of the door, with Eric behind me. Eric pulls out his key card to unlock the door, and I must be imagining things, because I think I feel lips grazing my neck. The door opens and Eric ushers me inside, where I take the opportunity to kick my uncomfortable shoes off and laugh at the fact that I’m barefoot. 

I don’t know why it’s so funny, it just is. Just then, I catch sight of myself in the mirror over the dresser. My pupils are dilated, and my cheeks are flushed, and my teeth are brilliantly white in a smile I can’t seem to stop.

Eric pours two glasses of whiskey from the bar and walks over to me. I laugh. “I thought this was business and I wasn’t supposed to drink?” The corners of his mouth turn up. “We’re off duty now. It won’t hurt. Drink up.” He places the glass in my hand. “Fine, bossy,” I say with a mock scowl, then laugh and knock it back. He eyes me over the brim of his glass.

“So what do you need to talk to me about? What did I do now?” I inquire with a grin.

“Nothing. You actually did very well this evening, and I’m actually impressed.” 

“Oh my God,” I mock swoon while giggling. “The complete fucking asshole that is Eric Coulter actually said something nice. Hell must be freezing over. Wait, let me see if the sky is falling,” I call over my shoulder as I run to the window and look outside. I stumble as I get to the pane, and put my hand up to steady myself, which makes me giggle harder.

Eric comes up behind me and his arm encircles my waist. “Let’s just move away from the window, and come back over here where it’s safe, shall we?” He whispers in my ear, making me laugh again, as his breath tickles my skin. “Oh Eric, you’re funny. Nowhere is safe with you around,” I giggle as he guides me back towards him. He turns me around to face him.

“You have no idea how right you are,” He growls in a husky tone. Suddenly, the air charges, and I feel the magnetic pull between us. It’s so intense, time seems to stand still.  By the way the smile drains from his face, and how his expression hardens, I know he feels it to.

This intense, indescribable, wanting and ache that came out of nowhere.  

He wraps his arm around my waist, and the other around my shoulders and into my hair. Our eyes connect, and the intensity of his lust makes me shiver. I feel a strange energy still pulsing between us, and it’s like I can’t tear my eyes away.

The next thing I know, Eric lowers his lids, and his mouth hungrily connects with mine.

A distant wave of panic and desire spills throughout my entire body, though I feel like I’m in a trance. My abdomen clenches so hard, it makes me lean forward slightly. It feels like a fire is slowly scorching through me, making every nerve in my body tingle. I’m so confused, as where I should feel repulsion I just feel heat.

 _Holy shit, Eric is kissing me_ , I think as his lips press more urgently against mine, and our tongues slowly flick together. Why is he doing that? Why am I not pissed off, repulsed, and horrified like I should be? And most alarmingly…why do I like it? 

Eric’s heart is beating wildly against mine. My arms reflexively go around his neck and I try to break away, but he winds one hand into my hair and holds my head in place. His other arm tightens around my waist, and he lifts me off my feet, dangling me in mid air. He kisses my chin and down to my throat, and I finally have the chance to speak.

“Eric…what the fuck are you doing?” I demand with a smile I’m trying to stop.

“What the fuck does it look like I’m doing, Jade?” He breathes against my chin, his hands running down the length of my body, over my dress and back into my hair. It feels like a trail of fire, which makes me giggle. 

My mind struggles to fight through whatever has grabbed a hold of me. This isn’t funny, and I need my wits about me. “Why are you kissing me, Eric? You can’t do that, and you know it. I don’t even know why you want to. You hate me….” I say with a laugh.

“You don’t have to like someone to fuck them, Jade. I can do whatever I want. And right now, what I want to do is you.” He takes my mouth again, and pulls me to the edge of the bed with him. He sits on the edge and wraps his arms around me again, while he kisses my throat, collarbone, and breasts. His fingers reach for the zipper on the back of my dress.

His touch and kisses are having a strange effect on me, as if I were a robot. It’s like I’m not even I control of myself, he is. “But Eric, you can’t. I have a boyfriend, and we work together. It wouldn’t be right. I can’t sleep with you.” I try futilely to push myself away, but instead, I pull him closer. 

What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t cheat on Ayden with fucking Eric, of all people. He repulses me, and he’s a terrible person.

But holy shit…his kisses and the way he’s caressing my body is making me crazy right now.

He unzips my dress and slides it off, letting it fall to the floor. He hisses as he looks at me standing there in only my underwear, then his expression hardens and he grabs my waist. He rolls me on my back and moves over me. 

“I decide what’s right, and what isn’t Jade. And I  _am_  your boss, which means you do as I say.” He pulls his shirt off to reveal his massive, chiseled and tattooed upper body, and unzips his pants. “I don’t give a shit if you have a boyfriend. It means nothing to me.” He moves over me, as I gaze at him with hazy eyes. “And don’t worry. ‘Sleeping’ is not what I have planned for you to do with me.” His mouth takes mine roughly, then moves down my body.

I move my hands up his arms, and try to get myself together. He kisses a sensitive spot under my ear, and I can’t stop a moan from coming out, and grab the back of his hair. I feel him smile victoriously, as he kisses my stomach, then my thighs. The feeling is so intense, I grip the bed sheets as my back arches.

 I close my eyes, and I feel his mouth travel back up. He grips both my wrists with one hand, pinning them above my head while the rest of his body covers mine. I’m pinned at the waist. 

“Jade,” he whispers as his other hand slides down my leg and into my inner thigh, “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. You can leave anytime you want to. If you tell me this doesn’t feel good, and you don’t want more, I’ll stop, and you can leave with no issue.” He kisses my throat, chin, and finally my mouth again. Then…his hand starts to stroke between my legs.

The sensation is indescribable. I start to shake, my back arches, and I can’t stop the moans from escaping. My hips start to writhe, and one leg rises to stroke his before I can stop it. Eric continues to devour me, his hand merciless in its mission. Before I can stop myself, I return his kisses with equal urgency. 

“Jade,” Eric whispers roughly “Does this feel good? Do you want more? Tell me right now if you don’t.” He releases my wrists and wraps his fingers around my chin. “Open your eyes. Look at me.” Slowly, I look at him with hazy eyes clouded with panic and desire. His are filled with lust and determination. 

He grits his teeth.“Do you want me, Jade?” He hovers and waits for my answer. I desperately try to fight through the haze and get my mind right. I should tell him no. I should tell him this isn’t right, and not what I want. But instead, my body betrays me.

“Yes,” I pant in a ragged whisper.

 Eric leans in and kisses me roughly, then strips me completely bare. He grips my chin again. “say it, Jade. Tell me you want me as much as I want you right now……say it,” he commands seductively. 

“I want you, Eric,” I comply desperately, the quivering between my legs almost more than I can stand. He grunts, moving to position himself inside me. He pushes my legs farther apart with his knee. He braces himself on either side of my head, winding his hands into my golden hair. Slowly, he enters me.

Panic roars through me and I gasp, but it’s soon replaced by pleasure so intense, I forget to breathe for a second. My hands move up from the side of his ribs to grip his back, as he starts to move. 

As he goes deeper into my tight, wet space, he throws his head back and hisses. My hips start rocking involuntarily to the rhythm of his, and his mouth connects with mine.  My eyes go back in my head and my nails scratch down his back. He sits up suddenly, and grips both of my hips. With a burning gaze, he plunges all the way inside me.

I gasp, and my back arches so hard, it comes off the bed. My mind is a haze of pleasure, and I don’t even know the person I am right now. Eric wraps his arms around the small of my back, and pulls me into a sitting position with him. 

He winds a hand into my hair, then pulls my head back and kisses my throat, chin, then takes my mouth again. I feel my muscles quicken around him, and the pressure is so intense that I bury my face against the side of his neck, my need for release almost more than I can bear. My other hand grips the back of his head. Eric is panting and his own need for release is evident, as our eyes lock. Time seems to stand still for a moment.

Unable to help myself, I give in completely.

I kiss him with blazing heat, and he groans as our tongues duel. In one swift move, he rolls me on my back, and I part my long legs, allowing him to settle between them. 

Eric kisses all over my neck and chest, over my throat and finally back to my mouth. I run my hands over his hard chiseled body, then wrap my legs around his waist and flip over so that I’m on top. 

Eric is too surprised, and too turned on, to stop me. I kiss my way down his chest and abdomen, taking a deep breath as I lightly grip him in my hand. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back.

Slowly, I introduce myself to the taste of him.

Eric gasps in surprise, as he was only expecting me to stroke him. He sits up and grips my hair, and I look up at him and let our eyes connect as I take the full length of him into the back of my throat, stroking him with my tongue and keeping the pressure of my mouth firm. 

His hips start to move, and he throws his head back and hisses. As I moan with my mouth still full, the sensation drives him to the brink of insanity, and he suddenly reaches down and brings me back up to him. He rolls me on my back, then plunges into me again.

My eyes roll back in my head, as Eric brings his mouth to mine roughly, then sits up and takes control of my hips, rocking into me with full force. He pulls me up again, and I wrap my legs around him as we move in perfect sync, my body making the familiar climb. As we both get close, Eric pulls back slightly and gazes at me, before I force myself to break eye contact.  

I give him a long, deep kiss, then move off him and turn around, sitting in his lap. I move my hair to the side, winding one arm around his neck. He wraps his arm around my waist and grips my hip, plunging into me again. 

I gasp and moan as the pleasure is so intense, I fall forward and my back arches. Eric runs his hand from the base of my spine and into my hair, gripping it tightly as he thrusts into me hard, hitting that sweet spot deep inside me. I scream in pleasure as my eyes roll into my head. As my muscles tighten around him, Eric thrusts harder.

“Come for me Jade, come on…” He demands.

I grip the back of his neck with my eyes closed, not wanting this sensation to end yet. Eric lets out a low groan, and I feel the rumble deep in his chest. Finally, he turns me around and lays me back down.

“Wrap your legs around me and hold on,” he growls, touching his forehead to mine. I do as he says, and our mouths connect again. He increases the tempo to an almost frenzied pace, until it feels like he’s going to fuck me straight through the mattress and into the floor.

A few more thrusts, and Eric grunts and collapses on top of me seconds later. We both explode so hard, that for a moment, I think I might actually pass out. It’s what I can only imagine shattering into a thousand pieces is like. We lay entwined in each other for a moment. Eric withdraws from me with difficulty and rolls over on his back. We gasp for air as I try to catch my breath.

He turns his head to me after a minute. “Holy fucking shit,” he rasps, then rolls onto his side and strokes the side of my face.

But I say nothing.

I just lay there, numb. As the effects of whatever took possession of me start to ebb, reality hits me like a sledgehammer. I just cheated on Ayden…with Eric.

Oh, my God.

As Eric gets up and goes to the bathroom, I move off the bed at lightning, silent speed. I get dressed hastily and grab my shoes. Eric says something from the bathroom, but I don’t hear whatever it is as I slip out the door. I run down to my room and burst into tears as I hit my bed. 

Ayden’s face flashes in my mind. Painful regret and guilt sear through my soul. I betrayed him…I betrayed myself. I give in to the deep sobs that wrack my body and curl into the fetal position.

Dear God, what did I just do? Why did I do it?

The magnitude of what I’ve just done comes rushing at me like a locomotive. I fling my arm over my eyes, trying to block it out. My hazy, euphoric buzz is completely gone, and all I feel now is lethargy. 

Finally, I force my eyes to open, and blink hazily. The aftermath is sitting on me like a ton of bricks, weighing me down. The same questions attack me again:

What the fuck just happened? Why did I do that? How could I let that happen?

Tears spring to my eyes and I put my head in my hands. I shake in disbelief. I can’t believe I cheated on Ayden with Eric…Eric, of all people. Questions fire in my brain like bullets. How the fuck did that happen?! Was this his plan all along? Am I going to get in trouble for this? Will he? What does this mean? Are people going to know? And the questions that hurt the most……

What is Ayden going to say when he finds out? Will he ever forgive me? How am I going to tell him?

Suddenly, something occurs to me. Eric was adamant that I eat and drink everything I was offered, and I found it slightly weird at the time, but didn’t question it. Why would he be so…my eyes round, as I suddenly remember:

Peace serum is in everything the Amity make, and specially dosed in the bread…and I ate almost a whole loaf.

At Eric’s insistence.

All of a sudden, it’s like the walls are closing in on me. I have to get out of here. If I see Eric, I might go completely crazy. He’s a sick, twisted person and the mere though of him makes me see red. He knew what he was doing. 

He knew what would happen, if I kept eating that bread. He preyed on me, for whatever reason I don’t know. I know he hates me, but I had no idea of just how much until now.

I hastily get up, change as quickly as I can. I practically run out of the hotel and head for the train yard. Eric’s going to be pissed I left, but you know what? Fuck him.  _Fuck him_. I don’t need an "escort” or whatever bullshit reason he tries to give me of why he can’t let me out of his sight. 

This is all a sick, twisted game to him, and what part I play I haven’t figured out yet. I stare out at the passing city as the train carries me to the compound. I’m done, as of this moment.

If I never see Eric again, it’ll be too soon.

* * *

I stay in my apartment the rest of the day, dozing in and out. I try to block out the events of last night, but the soreness I feel is a constant reminder. 

I don’t want to go to the Pit tonight because I don’t want to see Eric, and risk winding up in the brig for murder. I don’t want to see anyone, and I’m grateful that Ayden is on patrol tonight. 

However, as I’m making a pot of tea, there’s a knock on my door around dinnertime. I freeze, too afraid to answer it, as it might be Eric or one if his henchmen coming to drag me to him. There’ve been several knocks on my door today, and I’ve ignored all of them. The knock is more insistent, but I try to remain as still and quiet as possible, apprehension racing through me.

“Jade? It’s Leah. Are you in there? Are you okay?” I breathe a sigh of relief. I look through the peephole to make sure she’s alone, then quickly open the door and pull her inside. 

“Jade-” she starts to say, but I motion for her to be quiet. I quickly look up and down the hall outside, then shut the door and lock it. “Jade,” she says in a low voice, “what the fuck is going on? Are you all right? Why are you hiding in here?” I move further into my apartment before I say anything, motioning for her to follow me. I walk into my bedroom and shut the door, even though it’s just us. I’m paranoid I’m making too much noise.

“Jade,” Leah whispers, truly worried now, “what is going on?” I finally take a deep breath, and turn to her…and promptly burst into tears.

“Jade,” Leah says as she wraps her arms around my shoulders as I sob in a heap on my bed, “please tell me what happened. You’ve got me worried sick. Why are you hiding? What is going on?” She strokes my hair, and my sobs begin to diminish. 

I sit up with a tear-stained face and wipe my eyes. “Well, let me start from the top.” In a teary, shaky voice, I tell her everything that happened last night, sparing no details. She listens with wide eyes, shocked.

“Holy shit, Jade… Eric? I mean he’s hot and all, but not exactly your biggest fan, or you of him….” She trails off, and I hang my head sadly.

Leah exhales, and concern dawns in her eyes. "Just so I’m clear on everything here Jade, I have to ask. Did Eric physically force you to have sex with him? I mean I know you were high on peace serum, but did he force himself on you? Are you hurt at all?” She scans me nervously. I take a deep breath tell her the truth.

“No, he didn’t. In fact he told me to tell him if I wanted him to stop…I tried…but for some reason, I couldn’t. It was like I was in a trance, or something. The things he was doing…no guy I’ve ever been with has… the way I felt…. I don’t even know how to describe it,“ I stammer. 

Leah smiles grimly and squeezes my hand. "Jade, it’s okay, you know. You’re only human.” I just shrug and rub my head. Leah gets that look on her face, the one where she wants to say something but doesn’t know how. I purse my lips, exasperated. “Okay, what is it?” She takes a breath.

“Jade, I have to ask something else. Did you remember to get more contraception? You were out the other day…”

Faction law is that once a female is no longer a Dauntless dependent and a full-fledged citizen, she is no longer eligible to receive contraceptives. In fact, it’s so difficult to get, it’s all but outlawed. 

Growing up in Dauntless, I was no stranger to sex, and took full advantage of what was offered. But now that I’m a full member, I no longer receive my tri-monthly serum, and it slipped my mind.

My heart falls into my shoes. I hadn’t even thought of that. Holy shit…what if I get pregnant? Leah sees the panic-stricken look on my face and nods. “All right, calm down. It’s okay. I keep an emergency pack for…. well… emergencies. I’ll go get them, just relax.” She rises and goes to leave. I’ve never been more grateful for a friend like her than I am at this moment.

As she goes to get them from her apartment, I fling myself back on my pillow, arms over my eyes. How could I have been so stupid. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I change into a soft, clingy black tank top with spaghetti straps and a pair of very short, gray short. I pile my hair loosely on top of my head, thinking I’ll feel better if I clean myself up a little. I’ve already taken two showers today, but I still can’t get this feeling off me. Just then, Leah knocks softly on the door.

“It’s open Leah,” I call from the kitchen. I hear the door creak as she walks in. I finish pouring myself a cup of tea, and call over my shoulder, “you want some? I just made a fresh pot.” I set it on the counter to cool for a minute, and turn around…and my blood almost freezes in my veins.

“No thanks,” Eric says smoothly, “I’m more of a coffee guy.” He grins slyly.

My heart pounds so hard, I think it’s going to beat right out of my chest. I grip the back of the counter so tightly my knuckles turn white, and dread splashes through me. Eric doesn’t say anything, just smirks and walks forward. 

He stops an inch from me and sets a sheet packet of pills by my hand. “I ran into Leah in the hall. I told her I’d give them to you for her. She suddenly had to go, and couldn’t stay.” He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, and I flinch. “That’s probably a good idea. We got a little carried away last night,” he whispers.

“Go fuck yourself, Eric.” I spit back at him. I can’t keep the venom out of my voice.

“Whatever could be wrong, Jade?” He mocks, further fueling my anger. 

I suddenly snap out of it, and move away. “What do you want, Eric? Why are you here? You know what, it doesn’t matter. Get out.” I move to walk out of my kitchen, but he grabs my arm in a viselike grip and holds me in place. 

“Now, Jade, that’s no way to talk to your boss. You’re already in trouble for leaving without me and avoiding me all day, so if I were you, I wouldn’t make this worse for yourself.” He smiles maliciously.

I surprise myself, and him, with a sudden hard slap to his face. “I don’t give a fuck what you think you are, Eric. Right now you’re in my house and I don’t want you here. Get the fuck out, now!“ I hiss at him through gritted teeth. I’m too furious to think straight.

 He laughs and whistles under his breath. "Wow, someone’s feeling feisty. What a change from last night,” he jeers as he grabs my waist.

Before I have time to react, He picks me up and places me on the counter, forcing me to part my legs as he jerks me toward him, keeping me in a steel-like cage. The other hand snakes around my back, over the bare-skin of my shoulders and tangles in my hair, forcing me to look at him. I train a lethal glare as I clench my teeth.

“You come here to gloat? Save it. What you did is nothing to brag about, Eric. It just shows what a pathetic, weak piece of shit you are, that I always knew you to be. Now get out.”

I finally manage to gather my knees to my chest, and kick him off me. He stumbles back and his grip on me is broken. I jump off of the counter and clench my fists at my sides. He gives me a leering grin, shaking his head.

“What exactly is it that I did, Jade?” he asks with mock innocence.

My eyes round in disbelief. “What the fuck do you mean, ‘what is I that you did’? You fucking took advantage of me-“ I sputter, then he cuts me off.

“How did I take advantage of you?”

“Are you…are you serious? You took advantage of me when I wasn’t in my right mind-“

“At what point in time were you not in your right mind?”

“With the bread, and the tea! You knew I had eaten too much of it-“

“Again, Jade, when did I force you to eat the bread and drink the tea? You did those things on your own, if you recall. I never once coerced you into doing anything.” 

I open my mouth to argue again, but words don’t come out. I feel a weight drop in my stomach, as I realize he’s right. He didn’t force me to do anything. He smirks smugly as he steps toward me again, and I back up until my back touches the counter. He leans in and whispers.

“Were you not aware that the Amity administer peace serum in their food and drink? You  _are_  an ambassador to the factions…”

“Well, yes, but-“  

“But what, Jade? You knew that peace serum was in the food you ate and drank. You knew the effects it could have when you ate it. You were not eating or drinking anything you were not fully aware of. So how am I to blame for that?”

“But you knew that my system wouldn’t be used to it…”

“How would I know that?”

“Because I was…was…”

I trail off, as guilt crashes over me. Eric leans over, placing both hands on the counter on either side of me. “Because you weren’t such a bitch, for once?” he scoffs, and my eyes narrow. 

A pleased, smug expression comes over him. “Quick lesson on peace serum; it is not a narcotic, it does not impair your motor skills or judgment, nor does it put you in a lethargic state. It simply takes away aggression, and aides in promoting tranquility and compliance,” His eyes rove over me again.

“And oh…. how ‘compliant’ you were, Jade,” he chuckles.

I feel my chest constrict. “Get…the…fuck…out, before I kill you Eric,” I hiss in a deadly tone, and he laughs. He holds his hands up in mock surrender, and steps back. I feel my blood pressure rise as he gives me a cool, calculating look.

“I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to do, Jade. In fact, I gave you several opportunities to stop, and told you that I would if you wanted me to….you obviously didn’t. Don’t blame me if you feel guilty. I gave you exactly what you wanted. Even though you won’t admit it right now…” He moves toward me stealthily, and the hair on the back of my neck rises.

“You still want it…. and I’m more than willing to oblige.”

 The arrogant smirk on his face sends fury rolling through me, and I can’t help but laugh in disbelief. “Don’t fucking flatter yourself, Eric. Don’t be so smug either. You were nothing but a one-hit wonder, and certainly nothing to brag about. Let me tell you something….”

I step toward him, and get right in his face. “If I were you, I really wouldn’t feel so big and bad. From what I hear, the only pussy you get is from girls who are too stupid to know what they’re doing, or too fucked up to care. Fucking me wasn’t some epic victory, Eric. I just simply fell into the second category, as you never…never…would have been able to get me in your bed otherwise!”

The muscles in his jaw start to pulse, as he clenches his teeth and steps forward. “Say that again,” he seethes in a dangerous whisper. A wicked smile crosses my face as I lean in, tipping my jaw. 

“Why,” I mock. “What did you not understand?” I step closer, and he stares down at me with a warning look, that I completely ignore. I set my jaw and look him square in the eye.

“Oh, I get it now,” I sneer as I cross my arms. “You think I should be throwing myself at you like some pathetic bitch-in-heat, like the vapid little sluts you’re used to. What’s the matter, Eric?” I raise my brow.

“Is it really such a foreign concept, that  _you_ are the one who isn’t wanted? Does it bother you how pathetic I think you are….as well as a shitty lay?” I taunt.

Eric licks his lips slightly, catching the bottom one in his teeth. “You know something, Jade?  You used to piss me off when you said things like that…but now, I can just think about how I fucked that smart little mouth of yours, and it doesn’t bother me.”

We don’t speak for a few heated moments, as rage boils from the bottom of my very soul. Then, like a rattlesnake, he strikes.

Before I have time to react Eric rushes at me, making me yelp in surprise. He wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me up clear off my feet, pinning me to the wall with his body. His mouth travels down my neck, over my collarbone, and then, to the top of my breast. 

I can’t stop a moan coming out from my parted lips, and I use both of my hands to grab his shoulders to steady myself. His mouth travels back the way it came, and roughly takes mine again. He smells and tastes of whiskey, and something else decidedly male. His massive muscles bulge against me, and I curse my traitorous body as heat flows through my veins, making a clench deep in my abdomen.

“Eric….” I plead with him. His lips are still on my neck, land his hands are wandering over the length of my body. The lust in his eyes so powerful, I barely recognize them.

His fingers dig painfully into my flesh. The other hand snakes around my back, over the bare-skin of my shoulders and tangles in my hair, forcing me to look at him. He has an excited gleam in his eye. My eyes narrow.

"You repulse me. I hate you so much,” I hiss at him with open fury. He shakes his head mockingly. “ I know how much you wish that was true,” he growls, before his mouth takes mine again.

I manage to break our kiss. “what the fuck does that even mean?!” that comment enraged me even more.

“Don’t play stupid Jade. You want me as much as I want you. I feel it here-” my breath catches as he puts a meaty hand on my heart, which is beating wildly, “ here-” he kisses me again. “and here,” I gasp as he reaches down, runs his hand up my thigh, then to the most intimate part if me, which is quivering with need. “I felt it last night when you fucked me,” he whispers.

The taste of whiskey is strong on him as he kisses me so hard my back bends, almost as if he’s dipping me. I break my arms free and push futilely at his chest. He drags his mouth down my neck, suckling hard and gripping the back of my head with a fistful of my hair. 

I can’t stop a groan from escaping my lips, as the trail of kisses he leaves feels like a path of heat. I instinctively raise my knees, which is a mistake.

Eric grips my knee and slides his other arm to bring me completely off my feet. I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist to keep from falling. Walking to the bedroom, Eric grips me harder, then pins me to the wall, with my legs still wrapped around him. I try to tell myself that the combination of excitement, heat and need is just a physical reaction. I’ll just pretend it isn’t Eric.

Eric seems to sense my plan and roughly brings a hand to my face, fingers bruising my chin and trying to force me to look at him.

“Look at me, Jade.”

“Fuck you!”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get to that part in a minute. I said Look. At. Me….. now!”

“FUCK…YOU!”

He abruptly carries me off the wall and slams me down on the bed. He pins me with his large body holds my head still with one hand.

“Look at me.”

Finally, I bring my eyes to his. They’re storming with rage, lust, and something up else I can’t place. He slides his other hand down my body, pulling my shorts over my hips, over my thigh, and finally to my sex, which is practically throbbing. 

He lets out a grunt when he feels how wet I am. “Oh, yeah Jade, you don’t want me,” he scoffs.

“This seems to prove otherwise.”

He starts to massage in lazy circles. My eyes close as a whimper escapes me, the pressure building in my abdomen again. He’s merciless in his touch, and I feel my toes curl, and my back bows. 

He grabs my chin in his hand. “Open your eyes Look at me!” He hisses, panting from his own need and lust. His hand keeps stroking me, and I can’t help the moans that come. I open my eyes, still hazing with the desire I’m trying to fight.

“You’re going to keep your eyes on me the whole time. You’re going to look where I tell you to look without argument. Do you understand?” I glare at him, saying nothing. 

He strokes harder until I finally nod. He kisses me roughly, briefly, then I hear his pants unzip. My breath catches. Strangely, I feel…no….that’s not excitement I feel, it’s just the intensity of the eye contact he’s forcing on me.

“You’re going to keep your eyes on my face, Jade, ” he pants, his voice a strangled whisper. Then, he enters me slowly, then quickens. As my eyes start to roll back and my lids close, he reaches out and grabs the side of my head by my hair.

“EYES ON ME, JADE!!!”

My eyes fly open. He’s looking at me with such withering intensity I think I might melt into the bed. His face contorts as he starts a punishing rhythm, and I feel the pressure building again.

“I know you think you belong to him,” He whispers and touches his forehead to mine, relentless in his mission, “But right now, you…are…mine…I own you, and every part of you is mine.  _This_  is mine,” he says and goes deeper, harder than he has before. 

He hits that spot deep inside me, and I feel my head start to cloud. I’m vaguely aware that my hands are gripping the bed sheets, and I don’t know when or why, but they’ve moved up his arms and over his shoulders and are now gripping his head and neck. 

His eyes never leave mine, except to kiss me deeply. I once again try to rebel against my traitorous body, but I’m too lost in the heat of the moment. I decide to just let go.

I let my eyes linger on his for another second, and then my lust takes over. Before I know what I’m doing, I grab the edge of his shirt and pull it off over his head. His expression hardens, and then understanding dawns. 

The light bounces of his His heavily muscled torso and arms, making him appear larger. I run my hands over his chest then back to his neck, and then I pull his mouth back to mine. I feel his groan deep in his chest. Our tempo becomes frenzied, with his thrusting going deeper, harder, and taking me to heights I never knew existed.

My hips are writhing and bucking like crazy, matching his rhythm and straining to get even closer. Eric wraps his arm around my waist, flipping me over so that I’m on top. I balance myself with my hands on his chest, and he literally rips the last shred of clothing off my body.

My legs are on either side of his hips, and I take off the rest of his. I slowly lower myself on to him, relishing how he fits in my tight space, leaving no part of me unfilled. His hands are on my legs, then smooth up my waist, over my breast then back to my thighs, urging my ride. My head falls back and forth, and then I feel both of his palms interlace with mine.

He moves into a sitting position and wraps both arms around my waist, one moving to my back and one hand gripping the back of my hair. I wrap arms around his neck, my hand on the back of his head. I feel my head fall back as he kisses my throat, up to my neck, and then my mouth. 

Our tongues tangle wildly, and we fight for dominance. He never breaks rhythm, and I move my hips to meet him as he surges into me again, again, and again, showing no mercy as I’m lost in my world of ecstasy. I could stay like this forever.

“Jade, open your eyes. Look at me. I want you to remember who’s doing this to you, and not ever forget it. Look at me!” He hisses through gritted teeth.

I do as he says, and we stay locked in each other’s gaze. He grips my hair, and then rocks into me with all he’s got, feeling my body quake as the earth shatters around me.

As I lay there, stunned, a sense of doom fills me. I hear him panting beside me, but I roll over to my side. I don’t want him to have the satisfaction of seeing me like this.

“Get out, Eric. I mean it. If you’re not out of here in exactly 30 seconds, you’ll find a bullet in your throat…”

He gets up after a moment, chuckling as he pulls on his clothes. As he gets to the door, he stops but doesn’t turn around. 

“Until we meet again, Jade. You know as well as I do that we will.”  He leaves without saying another word. I wait a few minutes to make sure he’s not coming back, and then get up and deadbolt the door, pushing a chair under it for added security. I hobble over to the kitchen, hastily popping one of the pills.

 Jesus Christ, what have I gotten myself in to?


	11. Outtake - Panic Mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, this shows Eric’s reaction to Jade walking out on him after their fight. It also gives a glimpse at Tamra and Max’s relationship, and where they might go from this point. Enjoy! 
> 
> warnings - Language. 
> 
> \- Emmy

Eric sprints to the garage. He feels his fear and panic consuming him from the inside out. He can’t let her…shit… he can’t even think it. Eric makes it down and grabs a set of keys from the wall. 

Car 22, car 22…there it is. Eric slides into the driver’s side and floors it as he races out to the street. He has to stop her…he has to. Over his dead body will he let her leave Dauntless. His face reddens as he lets some of his rage loose in the car. He screams in frustration as he sees the train up ahead, just out of his reach. Eric exhales furiously as he tries to calm down and get his head straight. 

Something inside him breaks, at the memory of Jade’s face when he called her a whore.

He knows he fucked up, and fucked up badly. He never loses control, but hearing Jade say he was nothing to her unleashed a rage that boiled up from the very bottom of his soul. 

He certainly didn’t mean for it to take the direction that it did, or end up putting a  _fucking gun to her head_. This is the worst fight they’ve ever had, and it got way out of hand. Since he’s alone in the car, he lets the pained expression take over his features.

He can’t lose Jade. Not like this.

 _Why the fuck did you let her leave_? He berates himself, growling in rage. He just wanted to give them both a minute to calm down. He didn’t actually think she’d go. He scours the city streets, searching desperately for any sign of her, any flash of silvery blonde hair, something, anything that will lead him to her. But the streets are starting to empty, as it’s getting late, and all that’s out are people going home or waiting for the train. Several factionless are loitering on the outskirts of the abandoned buildings, but starting to disperse as well.

Just then, the radar on his phone beeps. He brings the car to screeching halt, desperately scanning the tracker coordinates of Jade’s phone. He furrows his brow. She’s in the intersection of LaSalle and Congress? 

He floors the accelerator and steers the car in that direction. His phone beeps as he gets closer, and he exhales loudly. He keeps his eyes peeled as he slowly peers into every alley, his heart pounding wildly.

The radar suddenly gives a continuous beep, and Eric knows that Jade has to be in the very near vicinity. He gets out of the car, and looks around but doesn’t see her. He looks back at his phone, and swears in frustration as he sees it says ‘located’ on the screen. Jade isn’t here. 

Just then he sees a sleek, black rectangular object near the sidewalk, and his heart sinks. He walks over and picks it up, glaring at the cracked glass screen, as if it’s responsible.

She threw her fucking phone off the train. She did it knowing he’d track it, so he wouldn’t find her.

“ _Goddamn it_!’ he roars, as he spikes it on the ground. He pinches the bridge of his nose, willing himself to calm down and think. He has to think logically and rationally, and he can’t do that if he’s panicking. He takes several deep breaths, and forces himself to focus.

Where would she go?

Who would help her?

Who would likely know where she went?

Suddenly, a face comes to mind. He’s wasting time riding around the city, when he should be looking for answers at home. He gets in the car, forming a battle plan as he heads back to Dauntless. 

As he pulls into the compound, he slams the door shut and stalks through the Pit to the elevators. Several murmurs ripple as people move out of his way, not wanting to be caught in the crosshairs of his famous temper.

He gets to Leah’s apartment and bangs on the door. His frustration grows when it doesn’t open right away, and he bangs again with more urgency. All composure gone, Eric backs up and kicks it in with devastating force. The door splinters and comes off the hinges completely. He quickly makes his way inside and looks around, his hope dashed as he sees no one is home.

“Fuck,” he swears under his breath as he rubs his chin. He turns on his heel to leave, when he sees a wide-eyed and shocked Leah standing in the doorway. She looks at the door and then at him, fear etched on her face. 

“Eric, what are you…” Leah whispers, then her panic is raised as he storms toward her, his eyes narrowed. She gasps as he grabs her arm roughly, jerking her inside. Wasting no more time, he shoves her against the wall and leans in closely.

“ _Where the fuck is Jade_ ,” he growls, and Leah gapes at him in confusion. “What are you-“ she doesn’t finish as Eric grips her chin and slams her head back against the wall. He grips his other hand around her throat, and he can practically smell her terror. “I’ll ask you again,” he snarls in a low tone, feeling a slight satisfaction as she gasps for breath, her eyes bulging.

“Jade.  _Where…the…fuck…is…she_?”

Leah bats at his hands feebly, struggling for breath. “Eric…I d-don’t know…what …you’re talking about,” Leah rasps, her eyes starting to water. Finally, he sneers and releases her throat, but keeps her pinned to the wall.

“Have you heard from Jade?”

“No…I tried, but she hasn’t picked up…”

“When?”

“About 2 hours ago, give or take…”

“She hasn’t contacted you at all?”

“No…Eric, what’s going on?” 

Closing his eyes for a minute, he runs his hand through his hair, and moves away from her. He turns a stone-cold expression on her, and Leah gulps as her pulse races. He doesn’t have time to explain, nor would he anyway. He doesn’t fully believe Leah either. He steps forward again, and she shrinks against the wall. Eric slams either hand on both sides of her head.

“I need to know where Jade is. If you hear from her, you are to contact me immediately. Let me make myself clear….” Leah shrieks as Eric suddenly grabs her throat again and puts his face right in hers. His breath is hot on her cheek as he squeezes slightly harder.

“If I find out that you know where Jade is and aren’t telling me, if you hear from her and don’t tell me, if I find out you are withholding any information on Jade  _whatsoever_ , I will do to your spine what I just did to your front door. Nod, if you understand.”

With wide, terrified eyes, Leah quickly bobs her head. Eric abruptly lets her go, shoving her out of his way as he leaves. He doesn’t care that Leah is Jade’s best friend. He meant every word that he said.

He stalks through the Pit, pulling out his phone as he dials Brady, whom answers on the first ring. “I need you, Myers, Black, and Cross in the Pit now,” he barks, hanging up without another word. Less than a few minutes later, they all appear, looking at each other trying to figure out what’s going on. “Listen up,” he thunders, and all four men immediately give him their full attention.  

“Jade Crawford is missing. I want everyone she might have contact with to be shadowed.”

He turns to Brady first. “Leah Kane. Go to her place and stay there. You’ll be there all night. If Leah gets a call from  _anyone_ …I don’t give a fuck who she  _says_ it is… you take her fucking phone and see for yourself. If it’s Jade, you call me immediately with the number she used. If Jade shows up at Leah’s, you call me.” Brady nods, and Eric turns to Sebastian next.

“You do the same with Rachel. You two, the same with Ashley and Samantha. If Jade shows up, find a way to restrain her until I get there.”  The guys all glance at each other, confused. 

“Restrain her?” Sebastian asks cautiously. It’s a well-known fact that Jade is a vicious fighter, and not someone to piss off.  _What is going on?_  They all say to each other with their eyes, but dare not speak aloud. Eric is in rare form, and the best thing they can do is follow orders and ask questions later. Eric snaps his eyes up.

“Yes. Use whatever force necessary…and I mean  _whatever_  force necessary. You’ll probably have no choice…and be prepared.”

* * *

Tamra pours herself a cup of tea, glancing at her phone. She’s texted Jade twice, but Jade hasn’t responded, which is unusual. It’s a little past dinnertime, so she knows Jade isn’t sleeping yet, though they’ve had a very long, rough day.

As she sips her tea, she glances at a photo she keeps on her dresser. It’s of her and 12 year-old Jade, around Christmas time. Tamra slowly shifts to the other pictures she has, all of Jade. She smiles when she thinks of what a beauty Jade grew into, and Tamra couldn’t be prouder of the smart, beautiful daughter she has, although a little stubborn and hardheaded…like her mother. Tamra shrugs with a little smirk.

Apples and trees.

Her throat tightens, as she thinks of just how alike she and Jade are, though this one particular trait isn’t a good one. Jade is weaving a very tangled web with Eric and Ayden, one that will trap her and swallow her whole, unless she becomes proactive and handles her situation now. Tamra closes her eyes as a soft wave of pain laps over her chest.

It’s advice she wishes she’d been given all those years ago.

She shakes her head vigorously, cursing the feelings of regret and sadness that wash over her. It’s been years now, but there are some truths that she just can’t escape, no matter how much time and distance she puts between herself and them.

She can’t deny that she once was in love with Max, and part of her still is.

Tamra closes her eyes and breathes deeply. She shouldn’t allow herself to revisit this part of her life. She left it behind for good reason, and even if she wanted to, she couldn’t go back. She can’t go back years ago, when she made the fateful choice to stay with Jade’s father, despite all of his faults.

She can’t go back and erase her history with Max. As much as she wishes she could, she can’t go back and erase the fact that she gave her heart…. and other things…. to Max when neither of them were in a position to do so.  

Tamra takes a deep breath, and tries to force the memories from her mind. Even though it wasn’t what she wanted, ending things with Max was the right choice. She made it not only for herself, but for Jade. Nothing good came of their time together, and the damage and heartache that ensued as a result almost destroyed her.

What’s done is done, and there’s no point in dwelling on it.

Shaking those thoughts from her head, Tamra frowns as she realizes that she never heard back from Jade. She checks her phone, but there are no missed calls or texts. That’s not like Jade, at all. She always texts, or calls back.

Her mother’s intuition starts to rise. Tamra feels her apprehension grow, as she calls Jade and it goes straight to voicemail. Something isn’t right. She quickly pulls on her shoes, and heads toward the elevator. She gets to the Pit, and quickly makes her way to Jade’s section, feeling a sense of dread fall over her.

As she gets to Jade’s apartment, her heart starts to race. The door is open slightly, and there’s a strange energy in the air. Tamra gingerly pushes the door open. “Jade? Baby girl, are you in here?” As she starts to walk through, something crunches under her feet. She feels along the wall until she finds the light switch, and her heart falls into her shoes.

Jade’s apartment is in shambles, with furniture overturned, and broken glass all over the floor.  Some of it is speckled with bright red drops of blood.

Terror ties itself in a knot in her stomach, as Tamra races through the apartment. “Jade!” she calls frantically, but gets no response. She checks the balcony, the spare bedrooms, the closets, but they’re all empty. Jade is nowhere. 

Tamra practically sprints out of the apartment, blind panic making her nauseous.  She hurries through the Pit, pulling out her phone along the way. She dials and waits. Tears start to form as Jade once again doesn’t answer.

As she thinks of the broken glass, blood, and general disarray of Jade’s apartment, a sense of déjà vu falls over her. Flashbacks of that terrible night attack her with full force, and Tamra feels like she’s starting to suffocate. 

She has to find Jade. She can’t lose her. Jade is the one good thing in her life, and all Tamra has left.

She heads for the train yard, running through the tunnel that leads to the exit. Just then the door to the control room opens, and Eric steps out, a tense look on his face. He’s rubbing his jaw, wincing in pain and looking slightly out of breath. There’s a small trickle of blood in the corner of his mouth, and bruises are starting to blacken on his jaw. His clothes are slightly ripped, and his disheveled appearance is unusual for a Dauntless leader.

Tamra’s blood starts to boil as suddenly, it makes sense.

Eric is stalking toward the parking garage, when he turns and sees Tamra’s lethal expression. A thin ribbon of fear needles through him, as it’s the same look Jade gets right before they have a vicious fight. He sees where Jade got it now. He stops dead in his tracks, as Tamra storms toward him.

“ _Where…is my daughter_ ,” Tamra growls in a low, deadly tone.  “I don’t know,” Eric snarls back, and feels a flash of fear as Tamra’s expression hardens. The next thing he knows, Tamra pulls her gun from her side holster, aiming right above his head. He reflexively ducks as she fires, and the shell casing burns his cheek as it clatters to the floor. Shocked, he stares at Tamra as she advances further.

“ _Wrong fucking answer_ ,” she hisses, her tone dripping malice. Tamra rushes at him, sweeping her leg out and knocking him off his feet. Eric falls to the floor as she stands over him, her features twisted with rage. 

Her lethal glare is unwavering as she cocks the hammer again, the round making a little click noise as it’s loaded in the chamber. “Make no mistake, Eric. I’m a fantastic shot, and the first bullet missed on purpose. The next one won’t. I’ll ask you again,” She aims the gun right at his head and Eric’s heart starts to pound.

“ _Where…the…fuck…is Jade_ ,” she seethes through clenched teeth.

Eric slowly sits up, his back against the wall. He knows he needs to be careful with his words right now, as he absolutely believes Tamra is not bluffing. He clenches his jaw and tries to keep his fear from showing. “I don’t know, Tamra. I’m also trying to find her,” he states as calmly as he can. Tamra shakes her head, pursing her lips.

“What happened in her apartment? It looks like all hell broke loose…”

“We had a fight, and she ran out-“

“You had a fight? What kind of fight?”

Tamra inhales sharply and Eric gulps. “ _You hurt my daughter_?” she breathes in a low, deadly tone. Eric tries to draw himself up as best he can, as he slowly coming to his feet, his back pressed against the wall. “What are you going to do, Tamra? Shoot a Dauntless leader on camera? You can’t-“

He swallows the rest of his reprimand as her eyes begin to glitter dangerously. She glares up at him, the gun still pointed right between his eyes.

“I don’t give a good Goddamn  _who_  the fuck you think you are, little man. Jade is my daughter, I have every reason in the world to believe you brought harm to her, and in case you’ve missed it,  _I’m about to put a bullet in your fucking head_! I suggest you see your predicament from a different point of view and open your fucking mouth, before I fuck you up so badly, you’ll be eating through a straw for the rest of your miserable life!” she screams.

Eric shakes his head, returning her glare with his own. “I already told you…we had a fight and she ran out. I didn’t hurt her, Tamra. Things just got out of hand.” Tamra narrows her eyes.

“Got out of hand, how?”

“We were arguing, and we both lost our tempers, and it got out of control.”

“If you didn’t hurt her, why was there blood all over the floor?” 

Eric rolls his eyes in exasperation. “It’s not Jade’s blood, bitch,” he snarls, then pulls his lip down to show his broken tooth. Tamra smirks slightly in satisfaction, then lets her features harden. She takes a step forward, and lifts her chin.

“Let me be very clear on this,” Tamra hisses, her eyes full of venom. “If  _one hair_  on Jade’s head is out of place when I find her, there will be no training you’ve ever had that will save you from me. I will see to it that you are stripped of leadership, and sent to the wall like the useless piece of shit you are. If Jade doesn’t come back, I’ll finish the job she started.” She looks him dead in the eye.

“I guarantee the next body fished out of the chasm will be yours. ”

She turns on her heel and leaves without another word. As she makes her way to the train, tears spill down her cheeks, and she puts a shaky hand to her throat. It’s like she’s watching history repeat itself. As the train horn sounds in the distance, she hears her name and turns around. Max suddenly emerges from the tunnel entrance, concerned.

“Tamra, what’s going on? I saw you running through the Pit almost crying…”

She swallows her tears, takes a shaky breath. She hasn’t spoken to Max in a long time, but right now her pride will have to wait. All that matters to her is finding Jade and bringing her home safely. 

“It’s Jade,” she says tearfully. “She and Eric had a very bad fight, and she left. I don’t know where she is, or if she’s even really okay, though Eric says she is.” Max nods, and strokes his chin.

“How long has she been gone?”

“For a few hours…”

“No one has heard from her?”

“Not that I know of… it’s not like her to not call me or respond.” 

Just then the train appears in the distance, and Tamra prepares to break into a run. Max gently grips her arm. “Where are you going?” Tamra ignores the tingle that goes through her at their contact, and keeps her eyes forward. “I’m going to look for my daughter, anywhere I think she might be,” she states quietly. Max shakes his head.

“Tamra, it’s late and I’m not going to have you running around Chicago by yourself…” he trails off as she whips her eyes to him. “You can’t really stop me, Max. I’m going to find my daughter…” she vows in a warning tone, and a small smile pulls at Max’s lips.

“Tamra, relax. I of all people know that you can’t be stopped when you’re on a mission. I’m simply not going to let you go alone, with factionless trolling around everywhere.” He pulls out his phone, and types in a code. 

“We have a missing citizen somewhere in the city. I want a full dragnet organized immediately on Jade Crawford. Nowhere is to be left unsearched until she is found. Confirm received.” He nods and hangs up a moment later. “We’ll find her, Tamra. I promise.” Tamra smiles slightly with gratitude. “Thank you, Max,” she whispers, and runs a hand through her hair.

She can no longer keep her emotions at bay, and her face crumples as tears slip down her cheeks. Max exhales loudly, and can’t help himself. Seeing Tamra upset has always been his weakness and always will be. He immediately wraps his arms around her and strokes her hair. Closing her eyes, Tamra allows herself the one indulgence of letting Max comfort her, and lays her head on his broad shoulder.

“I can’t lose her, Max. Jade is all I have,” she whispers brokenly.

She feels Max’s heart rate spike. A moment later, he gently pulls her head back to look at her. His eyes search her tearstained face, and Tamra feels the breath leave her lungs. “That’s not true, Tamra,” he whispers. He wipes away her tears with his thumb, then touches his forehead to hers.

Neither of them speak for a moment, and neither of them has to. Even though words aren’t spoken, the line of communication has finally been opened between them. There are things both want and need to say to each other, but this isn’t the time and Max knows it. 

But he has a sliver of hope that this may finally bring down the wall Tamra put up all those years ago. Finding Jade might be the way things can ultimately be set right between them.

It’s an opportunity he has no intention of wasting. 


	12. Moment of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade and Eric meet again, and a very overdue discussion takes place. Jade is forced to come to terms with Eric, and He learns some surprising things about her…and a few things about himself. A familiar face appears, and leads Jade to wonder about a few things concerning Tamra. I do not own said character, they belong to VR. 
> 
> Warnings: language, smut, triggering situation.
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

Early dawn light seeps through the dull tower windows, washing over me. I will my tired eyes to open, but they don’t want to cooperate. The early morning Chicago breeze caresses me in gentle waves, waking me from my slumber. I sleepily blink, and startle for a moment when the events of last night rush at me. I sit up and look around, taking in my surroundings. 

Last night, I ended up climbing to the top of the tower at Navy Pier, and fell asleep on an old utility cot. I guess cried myself to sleep. I swing my legs over the side, stretching my limbs and trying to work the kink out of my neck.

My heart twists as I think of everything that happened last night. I know that I can’t really leave Dauntless the way I did, and now that things have calmed down for a minute, I realize I need some time to figure out my next move.

Truth of the matter is, it’s not so easy to just defect from any of the factions, especially upper tier citizens such as myself. You have to be formally discharged before the council, and I don’t see Max, or anyone else granting my request.

Especially not on an account of a romantic dispute.  

I feel a painful stab, as my argument with Eric comes rushing back at me. Last night everything came to a head, and I realize I can no longer keep this up. I’m about to break, and too many people are getting hurt.

Tears form in my eyes, as I think of Ayden. I don’t know how Eric possibly could have had something to do with it, but I just can’t shake this feeling that he did. Ayden would never commit suicide, though something was definitely off the last time we spoke.

The part I’m struggling with, is that Eric is an asshole, but is he really a murderer? Would he really kill Ayden just to take a shot at me? I just don’t think I would be worth it to him. The look on his face last night says otherwise, but I will not delude myself into thinking Eric could actually care for me, as anything other than a plaything.

As I make my way down from the tower, I wonder what’s going on at Dauntless right now, and if I’m being overly dramatic. Maybe Eric doesn’t even care anymore. Maybe he figures I jumped off a roof or something, and is just going about his day.

Yeah, right. I shake my head at myself.

I hastily wipe the tears from my eyes, and wonder where I should go. I can’t go back to Dauntless just yet, as I still need a minute to collect myself. I try to think of friends I have in other factions, then quickly discard that idea. 

I know very few people in Erudite, and I’m sure Eric has connections there that would call and tell him where I am. Amity is too far out, and I don’t know anyone in Candor.

Every building has a security scanner designed to keep the factionless out, and it’ll record my entry and exit. The only option I would have is in Abnegation, where the plain houses are located out of the center of their faction, but I don’t know anyone there.

As I make my way through the city streets I shake my head ruefully. At least I saw what it’s like to be factionless.

All of a sudden, I see several Dauntless patrol cars, more than usual, rolling through. I don’t want to see anyone I might know, so I tuck myself into a darkened alley and wait for them to pass. I’m just about to walk back out to the street, when I see another one coming.

I remain in the shadows as it passes by me, slowly. I knit my brows together, confused. The truck has no less than four Dauntless soldiers riding in the back, prepared to jump if need be. But for what? What’s going on? The only time I’ve ever seen that is to quell a factionless-incited riot. I wait until they pass, and cautiously peek my head out again. All clear.

As I start to step out, the hair on the back of my neck rises, and my instincts immediately kick in. Factionless roam all over the city and as of late, attacked members for food or whatever they think they can sell, according to reports.

 I feel a presence behind me, and I start to slowly reach for the knife I always carry. I hear the crunch of footsteps, and I try to steady my breathing. As they get closer, I clutch my knife more tightly, and prepare defend myself if need be.

“Tamra?” the voice behind me says.

I turn around, and see an Abnegation woman, about my mother’s age cautiously approaching me. I’ve seen her before, but I can’t place her. I know that she’s one of the councilman’s wives, though I can’t remember her name.  She startles when she sees I’m not my mother, but smiles all the same.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. You look like an old friend of mine,” she says after a moment. I smile wanly.

“I’m Tamra’s daughter. I get that all the time.”

“Oh yes, of course…Jade, isn’t it? You’re a Dauntless Ambassador…”

“Yes, that’s right.”

She nods ands gives me a kind smile. “You certainly resemble your mother. You’re just as beautiful as she is,” she offers kindly, and I smile slightly. “Thank you. How do you know her?” I ask, and a strange look comes over her face. 

“We were in school together, though that was years ago.” She doesn’t say anymore than that, and I decide not to press. She wraps her gray sweater around her, and smiles.

“Well, I won’t take anymore of your time. It was nice to see you again, Jade.

“Likewise…uhmm…” 

I suddenly realize I don’t know her name. “I’m sorry,” I say, slightly embarrassed. “I know we’ve met before, but your name escapes me.” She gives me a kind smile.

“It’s Natalie. Natalie Prior.”

“Nice to see you again, Natalie.”

I realize I’m still clutching my knife, and let go of it. I run a hand through my hair, wincing as I brush over the spot where I have a gash. Natalie’s mouth opens, and she looks alarmed. 

“Oh, Jade…you’re bleeding…are you all right?” her eyes scan over me, and I quickly pull my hand down to see a small trickle of blood. I shake my head wearily, the events of last night starting to catch up to me.

“Yes, I just…I….” I trail off, too exhausted to make up a lie. I finally just take a deep breath and shrug. She looks away for a moment, and I see her trying to decide something internally. She’s probably taking in to account that I’m bleeding, exhausted, and that something is off.

“Jade,” she begins, “Forgive me if I’m overstepping any boundaries here, but are you in trouble? Do you need any help at all?” she quietly asks, and I open my mouth to decline. Something about the kindness in her face and the fact that she’s Abnegation tells me I can trust her. Besides, she knows my mother.

“I appreciate it Natalie, but I’m okay.” I swallow thickly and give her a tight smile, and she nods as she returns it. “Let me know if you ever need anything, Jade,” she says quietly, the placid look of the Abnegation back in place.

As she turns and heads down the street, I sneak a glance at her. For some reason, she looks out of place in Abnegation clothes, like they don’t suit her or something. I’ve never really met or spoke with her, but something about her is familiar. It’s almost like she reminds me of my mother for some reason…

I shake my head and keep walking. I have enough things to occupy my mind right now. 

* * *

For the rest of the day, I wander aimlessly around the city. Eventually I find myself on the roof of the Hancock building, remembering a conversation I once had with Four. He said it was too high up for the cameras to reach. It’s a perfect spot for someone whom doesn’t want to be found.

I briefly entertain the idea of going zip lining again to clear my head. I decide against it, but also decide stay on the roof before I head back to Dauntless to deal with my shit. 

I can’t hide forever, and I need to get a grip on my life once and for all. The sky is starting to blacken, and clouds are starting to roll over the city skyline. I take a deep breath, and realize I need to get back to Dauntless before I have to spend the night getting soaked.  

I stand up, brushing myself off, and take one last look at the city below. Suddenly, Ayden’s face rears up in my subconscious, and a fresh set of guilt and pain attacks me with full force. I put my head in my hands.  

If he pulls through this, how could he ever forgive me? How will I ever forgive myself?

I’ve tried to convince myself that marrying Ayden was the right thing, and what I really wanted. But after everything that’s happened, I’m forced to face some hard truths about my life and the direction it’s going. I look down at my engagement ring, and close my eyes.

I’m not good for Ayden. I’m not good for anyone. I realize now that if I love Ayden at all, truly love him and care for his well being, then I have to get away from him. I have to let him find his life, and give him the chance at happiness he would never have with me.

I have to get away from Ayden, so I don’t poison and ruin him, like I seem to do everything else. If there is any chance at all that he can survive and return to the life he once knew, I have to let him go and find a woman worthy of him. 

Not one that doesn’t deserve him, and would betray him as badly as I have…and can’t give him my whole heart for reasons I don’t want to admit.  

Out of my many wrongs, this is the one I can make right while there’s still time.

As I take a deep breath and try to calm my mind somewhat, a feeling I can’t explain comes over me. A nervous energy strums through my body, and I feel the hair on the back of my neck rise. I turn around…

…and come face to face with Eric.

My stomach plunges. Panic races through my veins and I instinctively take a step back. I glance behind me, and see just how high up we are. Maybe he’s going to just toss me off the roof himself, and be done.

“What…what the fuck are you doing here?” I whisper incredulously.

Eric just gazes at me stoically, hands at his sides. The blank expression on his face is even more intimidating than the furious one. He doesn’t say anything, but the rage in his eyes says everything. 

He has dark circles, and I think those are the clothes he wore yesterday. I swallow, and neither of us speak for a long moment. He continues to let his eyes bore into me, as my heart begins to pound.

“What the fuck do you think I’m doing here, Jade?” He answers calmly.

“How did you find me?”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t?”

“I didn’t think you’d give a shit.” 

“You were wrong.”

A deadly calm expression crosses his features, and I know to be on my guard. It’s the look he gets right before he carries out some sadistic pleasure, usually on an initiate. I clench my hands into fists, and get ready. I won’t let him kill me without a fight.  

Eric notices my stance, and shakes his head slightly. “Jade…” he begins in a low voice, and my eyes narrow. “There’s no need for that. I just want to talk.” He takes a step toward me, and I shake my head in warning.

“Not one fucking step closer, Eric. I will toss your sorry ass right off this roof if you touch me,” I hiss in a deadly tone. His nostrils flare, and I glare at him with steely eyes. 

He glares back, with fury and what looks almost like…pain? I don’t know. I’m too tired to think about it. I start to inch toward the door. He mirrors my actions, moving in the same direction.

“Jade, I’m not going to hurt you-”

“Says the man that put a fucking gun to my head.” 

Eric looks like I just slapped him. “You left me no choice, Jade. You were out of control,” he states quietly, and I feel a hollow ache start to form in my chest. He visibly gulps, and a flash of remorse crosses his face. I shake my head mockingly.

“You should’ve pulled trigger and done us both a favor. ”

“Jade-“

“Save it, Eric. I’m not in the mood.“

“I don’t give a fuck about your mood, Jade. You have to hear me out.”

“I don’t have to do a Goddamn thing. Now fuck off.”

“Jade, listen to me-“

I can no longer keep myself in check, and let my rage loose. “Look, you fucking won, okay! You got want you wanted! Ayden is lying in a hospital half dead, I’m humiliated and broken, and that’s what you fucking wanted! There’s nothing left in my life for you to destroy! Do you hear me?!  _THERES NOTHING FUCKING LEFT_!"I scream desperately. 

I try to push the tears from my eyes. I don’t want him to have the satisfaction. His fists clench at his sides, and his jaw muscles start to throb.

Eric inhales sharply, and takes another step toward me. “Don’t,” I whisper tearfully, but he ignores me and keeps moving closer. “Jade,” he begins in a calm tone, “I know why you think that, but you have to listen to reason here. If you think I’m going to just let you walk away from me, throwing everything away, you are sorely mistaken.” He keeps moving closer, and I just shake my head.

"Not your decision to make, Eric, it’s mine, and I’ve made it. This is over.”

“Meaning what?”

“Just what I fucking said. I’m done. I’m not letting you keep this hold on me. It’s  _over_.”

He’s silent for a moment, then a chilling, dark expression comes over his face. Suddenly, he rushes at me, throwing his body on top of mine. The gravel digs painfully into my shoulders as his arms clamp down, effectively pinning me. He leans in close, and now I start to feel a twinge of fear.

“ _The fuck it is!_ ” He hisses through gritted teeth.

Thunder cracks loudly, and just then the sky opens. As the rain pours down Eric and I grapple for a few minutes both fighting for control. I succeed momentarily, rolling on top and putting a knee in his stomach. 

I leap to my feet and sprint for the door, blinded by the rain. Just as I reach it, Eric comes behind me and grabs my waist.

“Jade, stop!”

“Let me go, Eric…” 

“No. Calm down-“

“Eric, please! Just let me go…this is for the best….”

Eric whips me around to face him, and I let my tears flow freely down my face, mixing with the rain. “For the best?” He whispers incredulously. “For the fucking best? Please, explain to me how you walking out on me is for the fucking best!” He screams, and my heart wrenches. 

“Eric, I…” I just shake my head and continue to struggle. “Jade, stop fighting me. I don’t want to hurt you,” he declares through gritted teeth. The rain drenches both of us as I gaze at him with sad, defeated eyes.

“You already have,” I whisper brokenly.

Looking mortally wounded, Eric wraps me tighter in his arms, and I bury my face in his neck. “Jade,” he whispers, “Please, just calm down. I know things are fucked up between us, but we can talk about it. I’m not about to let you do what you’re planning to do…” Eric lifts me clear off my feet, and I try to push against him. “Let me go,” I plead in a shaky voice, and he shakes his head.

“Jade, we’re going to work this out whether you want to or not, and I really don’t want to have to do it the hard way,” he growls. I again refuse. “Eric, there’s nothing to work out. I can’t live with anyone else being hurt because -“ I gasp as I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my neck. I pull back to see Eric pulling a syringe out of my flesh.

“I won’t let you do this Jade,” he says firmly.

My whole body suddenly feels weighted down like cement. As my eyes grow heavy, I feel my legs give out from under me. Then the blackness falls over my eyes, and I collapse in Eric’s arms.                                                                                  

* * *

When I start to come to, I see that I’m in Eric’s arms in the back of a patrol car. I feel myself drifting in and out of sleep, and I sigh and snuggle my head against his shoulder. One of my hands wraps around his neck, and my fingers graze his throat. 

I can feel his chin resting on top of my head. He whispers something in my ear, but I’m still fighting to regain consciousness fully and can’t make out whatever it is. 

Rain splatters against my forehead as the car door opens, and I feel myself being lifted. I hear a door click, and then Eric carries me through it. A distant wave of anxiety rolls through me, as I don’t know where he’s taking me. Is he dumping me outside the compound? Leaving me to die somewhere in the Chicago streets?

Whatever, I think to myself. He’s going to do whatever he’s going to do. My mind hazes again, then I feel myself being placed on something soft, and I roll on my side. I realize I’m on a bed, but it’s not mine. I can tell by the faint scent of whiskey and cigarettes that it’s probably Eric’s.

 _What the fuck is going on? What is he doing_? I think as I struggle to focus my eyes. The blackness tries to pull me under again. I resist as best I can, but whatever Eric injected into me coupled with my exhaustion in general is too strong. I surrender to it, and fall back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I can only assume what’s been a few hours later, I fight through the murky waters of my mind. By sheer determination, I make myself open my eyes.  I try to bring a hand to rub my face, but feel like it’s bound to something. I blink slowly, willing my eyes to focus. 

Shit, I think to myself. What’s the last thing I remember? I exhale slowly as I struggle to come to completely. I turn my head, and see that I’m in bed, but Eric isn’t here. I again try to lift my arm, but I can’t. My heart starts to pound, as I try to lift my other arm, and can’t. What the…I lean over and my alarm grows.

Both of my hands are bound to the side of the bed with rope.

I pull on them, but they’re secure. What the hell is Eric doing? He tied me to the bed and left me here? I grit my teeth angrily. If he thinks I’m just going to lay here and take whatever punishment he has planned, he’s got another fucking thing coming.

I strain my neck, and see that he secured them to the two rails on the headboard. I grip the rope on my right arm as tightly as I can, gather every ounce of strength I have. 

The rope bites into my wrist as I pull with all my might, hearing the wood groaning under the strain. I take another deep breath, and pull again. Finally, with a grunt and cry of pain, the wood rail snaps completely. I quickly work the knot over the top, freeing my arm. I reach down into my pocket and pull out my knife, and hastily cut my other wrist loose.

I feel whatever Eric injected into me still coursing through my veins, as I stand up too quickly and almost pass out. I rub my eyes, willing the dizziness to pass. I stumble toward the front door, desperately trying to leave before he comes back. 

I make it out into the hallway and reach the elevator, feeling my strength returning. I press the button, willing it to get here faster. To my relief, the doors open…

…and Eric steps out of it.

He’s holding a rectangular black box, and something else in his hand that I can’t quite make out. He looks at my bleeding wrist, then back at me and rolls his eyes. 

“Jesus Christ, Jade,” he mumbles. “I should’ve known.” He bends down and throws me over his shoulder in one swoop, then stalks back toward his penthouse. I pound my fists on his back, to no avail.

“Damn it Eric, let me go!”

“Shut the fuck up, Jade.” 

Eric all but kicks the door in and throws me on the couch, looming over me. “You know I’m going to fucking kill you, right?” I threaten as I slowly come to my feet. He rolls his eyes as I move behind the couch. He overturns the coffee table out of his way, moving stealthily like a panther towards me.

He shakes his head mockingly, his blue eyes twinkling with amusement. “You really think the couch is going to stop me?” he taunts. I inch away slowly, and turn and bolt for the door. He’s on me in a flash before I get even close. 

He picks me up and carries me kicking and screaming into the bedroom. He pins me down from the waist and reaches for something in the bedside table. I see a flash of metal, and close my eyes, thinking it’s a knife. Instead, I feel cold metal bracelets clamp on my wrist, as he cuffs me to the bed.

“Eric! What the fuck!” I yell indignantly. “Get this off me, now!” I struggle futilely.

“ _Shut the fuck up, Jade_. I’m barely in control of myself, and after what you pulled last night, you’re lucky this is all I’m doing right now!” His face is inches away, and I wisely choose not to say anything. 

“I can’t stay like this forever, you’re going to have to let me go eventually,” I say, calmly this time. He gives me an exasperated look. “No shit, Jade, but I want answers from you first.” He looks at me with determination.

“Where the fuck were you all night?”

“Where I wanted to be.“

“I’m in no mood for your smart fucking mouth, Jade. Answer me.” 

"Fuck you, Eric. That the only answer you’ll get from me,” I snap and glare at him. His face mottles in anger. His breath hisses through his teeth, as he chuckles lowly. 

Eric smirks and goes to get the box he dropped in the living room. He comes back in the bedroom and sits down on the bed. He looks at his hands and then at me. “I’m going to give you one more chance. Where were you?”

“Fuck you, Eric.”

He sighs and smiles wryly. “Okay,” he says opens the box. My eyes round as I see what’s inside it; is a canister with a long needle attached.

“You had your chance to do it the easy way, but I guess you want it the hard way. You leave me no choice.”

“Don’t you fucking dare- ahh!”

He sticks the needle in my neck, and I kick my legs in anger and frustration. Wait a minute…serum is for simulation, and there are no computers in here. What is this supposed to…? My eyes get wide as I realize what he just injected into me.

“Eric! Damn it! No…!”

“Oh yes. I  _will_  have an answer from you. If you won’t give me one on your own, the Candor truth serum will. Quite frankly, it’s the only way I’d believe anything you’d say anyway.” He snaps the box closed and walks out if the room.

* * *

My mind starts to haze. Leah says it works for about half an hour, then you fall asleep. Everything gets fuzzy, but I’m still conscious, just lethargic. Eric walks back into the room after a while and I feel him stop right by me. 

I keep my eyes closed, and try to steady my breathing. I feel him sit on the edge of the bed, and his hand goes up to my throat. Maybe this is it. He’s going to strangle me and be done. 

“I know you’re awake, Jade,” he say in an even voice.

I don’t really know what to expect right now. I slowly open my eyes. Eric wraps his fingers around my chin and turns my face back to his. I blink lazily at him and Eric gazes down at me with a stony expression. I swallow nervously, and let my eyes dart around for a moment, then let them come to rest on the ceiling.

Eric shakes his head and looks away for a moment. Finally, he takes a deep breath and strokes the side of my face.

“Jade, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to get a few things straight.”

“Why am I cuffed, then?”

“Because you gave me no choice. We need to work this out, and you need to stay put so we can.”

“Eric, please, this is being a bit melodramatic-“

Eric’s eyes darken with rage, and I swallow the rest of what I was going to say. He leans in and grits his teeth, as his chest heaves. I feel my pulse quicken.

“Oh, I’m the one being dramatic? You ran off without so much as a word to anyone, including your own mother, and you dare to say that I’m the one being fucking dramatic?! Are you fucking serious?!” He hisses at me with a chilling laugh. 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. When I open them, Eric is staring straight ahead, rubbing his chin in his fingers. Finally, he looks at me. 

“So do you plan on doing this every time we have a fight? Because it’s going to get old very quickly, and I’m not a patient man.”

“Do I plan on doing what?” 

“Acting like a child and running off, instead of talking like an adult you’re supposed to be?”

“Eric-“

“Answer me, Jade.”

“I don’t want to.” 

“I don’t give a shit. Answer me.” 

“Go fuck yourself. There’s your answer.” 

He smirks at me wickedly. “Give it another minute. We’ll see what you’re saying then.” I yank on my restraints angrily, trying to get my breathing under control as the truth serum starts to take effect. 

I open my mouth to snap how much I hate him…but surprisingly, I can’t. Shit…it’s working. Eric’s victorious expression beams.

“How do you feel, Jade?” He purrs with a smug smile. I want to say fine, but I can’t. I glare at him.  "Pissed off, sleepy, and nervous.“ I silently curse myself. Damn it. Please stick to yes or no questions, I silently plead. No such luck. He begins my inquisition.

"Where were you all night?”

“Navy Pier.”

“Who were you with?” 

"No one.”

“Did anyone help you? Did you tell anyone where you were?” 

“No.” 

He takes a deep breath and moves closer. He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Why did you leave?” He whispers. I shake my head, trying to swallow the painful lump in my throat.

 His fingers wrap around my chin, forcing me to look at him. To my utter surprise, where I thought I’d see satisfaction, I only see determination.

“You can’t fight the serum, Jade.  This is the only way I can get you to be honest with me, since you can’t even be honest with yourself. I’m going to get the truth out of you, one way or the other.  _I’m not going to hurt you_. I just want answers…not bullshit answers you wish were true.”

We stare each other down, and I realize there’s no way out of this. I breathe deeply, then blink at him through hazy eyes. “Because I didn’t know what else to do. Leaving seemed like the only way.” I murmur slowly. Eric strokes his chin as he nods.

“The only way for what?”

“The only way to get things under control.”

“Were you going to come back?”

“I don’t know.” 

He closes his eyes for a minute, catching his bottom lip with his teeth. I just gaze at him blankly. He sets his jaw. “Is that all? You just wanted to calm down?” he asks, and I shake my head.

“I wanted to show you that I could. I wanted to show you that you don’t own me, and I still have my own free will left. I really, really wanted to piss you right the fuck off, to,“ I slur.

He chuckles. "Well, you certainly succeeded in that aspect.” He then gets serious.

“Were you seriously contemplating defection?”

“Yes.” I murmur. He swallows hard and his face contorts. 

“Why would you leave?” Fuck. I don’t want to answer this. 

Tears fill my eyes as I think of Ayden. “Because there’s nothing left for me here. I’ve destroyed everything.”

He stares at me for a long time. “Why do you say that, Jade?” I try to keep my mouth shut and wish desperately that I would fall asleep. Instead, I answer his question.

“Because my involvement with you is ruining my life.”

He inhales sharply. He lowers his eyes, studying me intently. “How is it ruining your life?”

 Fuck.

“You purposely set out to destroy me in revenge. You’re trying to manipulate my feelings, but I won’t fall for it. You wanted to make me feel lower than dirt for what I’ve done. You succeeded, and you enjoyed doing it. You use sex as a weapon. You make me give you my body as if it weren’t mine.” I admit slowly.

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. “So you don’t enjoy what we do?”

I blink lazily. “Yes, Of course I enjoy it. I enjoy the shit out of it. But I don’t like that I enjoy it, and I don’t want to enjoy it.” Damn it! I think hazily. He grins. Then he gets serious and asks me something I don’t expect. 

“Do I make you happy at all?”

“Yes and no.” 

“Why yes?” 

“The sex is unbelievable, and I’ve never felt the way I feel with you, with anyone else. Even though you couldn’t care less whether I live or die, sometimes you act like you do, and that’s kind of nice.” He smirks and shakes his head. 

“Why no?” 

“Because you hate me. All you want is to use, then eventually destroy me.” 

He looks like I just slapped him. He takes a deep breath. “Well,” he says, “I don’t.” He looks at me intensely. “Why do you really stay with Ayden? What does he give you that you think I couldn’t?” He waits with bated breath. I take a deep breath, willing myself to keep my answer short.

“I had a chance at a future with Ayden. I would’ve had a good life. As for what he can give me that you can’t, the answer is simple. Love. Ayden loves, and actually wants me. You don’t, and never will. I could never be happy with you.”

Eric closes his eyes and breathes deeply. Silence weighs heavy in the air, as we don’t speak for a moment. His chest rises and falls as he grips the sheet tightly for a moment, then releases it. He turns toward me again, and I just stare back at him blankly. I start to feel sleep fogging my brain.

“Why don’t you think you could be happy with me?” He waits with a clenched jaw. I raise my eyes to his, blinking as I feel my fatigue settling in.

I take a deep breath, and lean back against the pillow. “Eric, just as you and I both know how this started out, we both know how it’ll end up eventually,” I whisper, willing myself to be strong. Eric just stares at me for a moment. 

“How do you see this ending up, Jade?” he finally asks. He shifts so that he’s facing me, one leg on the bed. I gape at him, not sure what he means. He looks at me expectedly, and his eyes search my face. “Well? I asked you a question Jade. Answer me,” he thunders in a low voice, making me jump. I sigh, and then answer him honestly.

“Eventually, you’ll feel that I’ve served whatever purpose you needed me for. Or someone else will come along, and you’ll want me gone. Or I’ve crossed whatever arbitrary line you’ve drawn. It doesn’t matter what it is, the end result will be the same. I’ll piss you off, or you’ll simply be bored,” I whisper.

I try to swallow my hurt as we stare at each other for a long time. Eric’s face is an unreadable mask, and I know that this is the same mask he wears in council meetings. It’s cold, unfeeling, businesslike…and Erudite. I see him mentally calculating. He’s looking at our plight from a studious angle, trying to figure out the most logical way to solve this hurdle we can’t seem to get over.

Eric nods, and regards me impassively. “So you think that you’re completely worthless to me, to be discarded whenever I see fit?” he asks in an even tone. I’m on my guard now, as I see him forming a battle strategy. The wheels are practically turning in his eyes. 

Not knowing how else to respond, I shrug. “In a nutshell, yeah, I guess so,” I try to match my tone with his, but my voice breaks slightly.

“How could you possibly think that?”

“Because to you, I’m just ‘a whore that sucks your cock’…remember?” 

He face flickers for a minute, then his eyes bore in to mine. “We were both angry, and it was the heat of the moment, Jade.” He offers no further explanation than that, and I know it isn’t an apology either. He runs his hand over his head, then turns desperate eyes on me.

“How can you really believe that’s all you are to me?” he wonders in a pained whisper, his moment of vulnerability catching me completely off guard. I’m not so sure it’s a question he meant to ask aloud. 

My mouth opens, then closes, as I don’t know how to respond. “Eric…I don’t know which way is up with you. After the way we started out, how could I not think that?” I whisper finally, the pain in my voice matching his. My heart beats faster as he leans in again inhaling sharply.

“Why are you fighting what’s between us so hard?”

My heart hammers in my chest, as neither of us looks away. I know this is a point of no return, and I have no choice but to admit what I’ve kept tucked away in the confines of my heart. 

I’ve known this was going to surface eventually, and it looks like the time has come. Never breaking eye contact, I answer him honestly.

“Because I don’t want to fall in love with someone that isn’t capable of loving me back. Since my whole relationship with you, if you can call it that, is based on revenge and lies, I would never know if what you feel for me is real. But it doesn’t matter, because you don’t feel anything for me at all, and you never will.” I blink and thankfully feel sleep start to beckon. 

He stares at me in stunned silence. Then he leans in close, his fingers wrapping around my chin. After what seems like an eternity, he finally speaks.

“Would you give what we have a chance, if you thought I  _was_  capable of loving you?”

But thankfully, sleep claims me before I can answer. I’m glad it did.

Because the answer is yes.

* * *

My eyelids flutter as I try to come out of my drug induced slumber. It’s still raining, and it’s now dark.  I stir, and look at the clock on the bedside table. Holy shit, I think rubbing my eyes. 

 I slept for a while, after my little confrontation with Eric. Where is he? He’s not here, and what’s more, he un-cuffed me. Wow. I rub my arm. Why is this arm sore, I think, the other one was cuffed. I shrug. Who knows.

I slowly get up and stretch. “Eric?” I call, but get no response. I make my way through his apartment, remembering the first time I was ever here. It’s not what I’d expected. Everything is sparkling clean, and the furniture is all plush and soft. 

There are no pictures or portraits of anything. There’s the typical fighting gear lying around, and a bar table stocked with plenty of liquor. He has an amazing view of Chicago from his balcony, with an outdoor couch and chaise lounge. I shake my head.

I don’t know why, but I expected everything to be leather, and dark, with weapons lying around everywhere. Like a torture chamber.

As I slip out the front door, I pray I don’t run into anyone I know. I look down the hall, and breathe a sigh of relief when I don’t see anyone. I carry my shoes, and make my way to the elevator. I step in gratefully, then finally head for home. 

I get off on my floor and let myself in to my apartment. My heart sinks as I walk through the door, and see the broken glass everywhere. It feels like I’m walking into a crime scene… which I guess it is, all things considering. I stretch out on my bed, sighing in relief to finally be home.

I hear the rumble of my stomach and know should eat something, since I haven’t eaten at all today. But first, I need to take a shower. I slept in the tower last night, and I feel grimy. Man, a shower and a hot meal sound like a slice of Heaven. I’ll go down to the food hall after I’m done. I try to will my tired body to get up and in to the bathroom.  

I finally succeed and turn the shower on, as hot as I can get it. The room quickly fills with steam. After taking my clothes off  and tossing them on the floor, I step in, and let the warm, cascading water soothe me. I close my eyes as the water runs down my body. 

As I stand there for a while, I imagine the water is washing away all the longing, hurt and anger I can’t seem to get rid of, no matter how hard I try. Taking a deep cleansing breath, I let the steam and the sound of the rushing water drown out all of my thoughts. 

Reaching for the shampoo, I feel a slight jolt as the bathroom door gives a little pop, as all doors do when another one is opened. Goose bumps ripple my flesh.

A rush of cool air circles me as the shower door opens, and anticipation runs through my veins. Then, Eric gets in behind me.

His presence invades my senses, and I shiver as his massive frame fills the small, wet space entirely. We don’t speak as he reaches over me, gently taking the shampoo bottle out of my hand and squeezing some in his palm. 

I close my eyes as his thick, strong fingers start to knead my scalp; I almost want to cry at how good it feels. He washes my hair, letting the suds go down the drain. He picks up the soap and starts washing my back, and down my body. His lips graze my neck, and my head goes back and rests on his shoulder. My fingertips graze his thighs.

Eventually, he drops the soap to the floor and wraps his arms around me. “You’re wrong, Jade,” he whispers in my ear, barely audible. “You’re wrong.” I don’t ask what he means, as I already know deep down. 

My heart starts to pound as his thick hands slide down over my thighs. “I really fucking missed you,” he growls in a whisper, his face buried in my neck.

“Don’t ever do that again.”

At that moment, I realize I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of ignoring the obvious connection between us, no matter how hard I’ve tried to pretend it’s not there. I’m tired of trying to deny that I have feelings for Eric, though I still don’t know his true agenda. I’m tired of lying to myself that staying with Ayden is what’s best, when I know it’s not.

I’m tired of denying that Eric has a part of my heart, whether I like it or not.

No longer able to resist, I turn around and claim his mouth hungrily, wrapping my arms around his waist. I feel the familiar clench of my abdomen. Eric is a specimen all unto his own, but with the steam of the shower and the water glistening on his tattooed, bulging muscles, he truly takes my breath away.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, I missed him too and didn’t really want to leave him, anymore than he really wanted me to go.

I feel a sweet, heady light start to pour from the top of my head down to the bottom of my toes, as Eric and I get completely lost in each other. We simply can’t get close enough. I run my hands over his heavily muscled arms to scrape my nails across his scalp. The other hand cups the back of his head. 

Eric wraps his arms around me fully. “Oh…Jade…” he rumbles in a strangled whisper, moving his mouth all over my throat and neck. I feel his groan deep in his chest, as I stand on the tip of my toes to bring him closer. All of a sudden, it’s like a force greater than both of us takes control.

Our tempo becomes frantic. There’s no part of each other that we don’t want to touch or taste. I kiss down his glistening, chiseled body, running my hands lightly over his abdomen sinking down to my knees, gripping his hips as I take him into my mouth. He hisses and throws his head back, winding both hands into my hair. I stroke him over and over again with my tongue, keeping the pressure of my mouth firm. Our eyes stay connected the whole time.

After a while, he hoists me up against the shower wall and returns the favor, as I wrap my legs around his neck and shoulders. I close my eyes, my mouth rounded in pleasure as he brings me to the brink of insanity.  

His skilled tongue devours the most intimate part of me showing no mercy, as I grip both hands in his hair as the hot water continues to cascade. After a while I grow desperate to feel him inside my aching, wet core, and I pull his head back whispering his name brokenly. He understands what I crave, and I see the intensity of his own need in his expression.

He slowly lowers me down the wall, until he fits snugly inside me. I hold one arm around his neck, gripping his hair and the other bracing myself on the shower door. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he wraps on arm around my waist, and the other around my shoulders and into my wet hair. 

He rocks into me with full force, and I twist my hips to meet him with every thrust, our mouths connected and tongues tangling wildly. I’m not so sure all the steam is from the water anymore.

We both reach our usual, explosive conclusion at the same time, and I nearly collapse in his arms. He touches his forehead to mine tenderly and I stroke the sides of his face. Though neither one of us will ever say the words out loud, they hang in the air between us, our silent connection conveying them clearly, with both of us accepting them from the other.

_I’m sorry._

He sets me on my feet and shuts the water off. He wraps me in a fluffy white towel, scooping me in his arms as he carries me to the bed. He lays me down and braces himself on either side of my face, and kisses me lightly.

Eric finally pulls back and kisses my forehead. “I know you’re probably starving and need to eat something,” he whispers. “I don’t want you passing out on me. I got you a grilled cheese with tomato from the food hall.” I smile gratefully. That’s my favorite. "Ok,” I whisper. “Thanks.” I move to get up, but he stops me. 

“Jade,” he whispers, then kisses me softly. His eyes search mine and then close for a second. He opens them and gazes at me imploringly. “Don’t ever leave like that again.” I don’t say anything for a moment, then lower my lids and brush my lips over his. I put a hand to his cheek, stroking his face lightly.

“Don’t give me a reason to leave, and I won’t.”


	13. Redirection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after Jade falls asleep from the truth, never answering Eric’s last and most important question. A little insight as to Eric’s thought process. 
> 
> Warning: Profanity. Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

“Jade…shit, Jade…no, wait…don’t go to sleep yet…” 

Eric strokes the side of Jade’s face lightly, but she doesn’t stir. “Fuck,” he swears under his breath. Her chest rises and falls as she succumbs to the side effect of the serum. Eric runs a hand through his hair, sighing as he quietly gets up from the bed where Jade sleeps.

Even though she’s the one under the truth serum, Eric feels like he’s the one completely exposed. He was asking her questions he didn’t even realize he wanted to know. 

He never got an answer to the most important one, either. Eric goes outside to smoke, and clear his head a little. Taking out his phone, he dials Max as he pulls out a cigarette. Max gets straight to the point when he answers.

“You have Jade, I assume?”

“Yeah, I got her.”

“Where was she?”

“Navy Pier, but I found her at the Hancock.”

“How’d you know she was at the Hancock?”

“Just call it a hunch.”

“She came with you willingly?”

“Not exactly…but I didn’t expect her to, and I was prepared.”

Eric explains how he had to forcibly sedate Jade to get her in the car and back to the compound. They struggled, but this time there was no bloodshed. 

“Hmmm,” Max murmurs after a moment. It was a question he didn’t really need to ask. Nothing would’ve kept Eric from bringing Jade home with him, and Max doesn’t fault him for doing what he had to do.

Especially since it’s exactly what he would’ve done if it were Tamra.

“Listen, I can stall Tamra for a little bit, but not for long. Work your shit out, and do it quickly. You don’t have much time. She doesn’t fuck around when it comes to her daughter,” Max advises. 

Eric exhales and turns back to look at Jade. She’s dead to the world, and probably will be for a while. He finishes his cigarette and snuffs it out in the ashtray.

“I need at least until tomorrow morning. No one knows Jade’s back yet, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“All right…tomorrow morning. I mean it, Eric. Tamra’s losing her shit.”

“I’ll handle it, Max.” 

They hang up, and Eric exhales, tilting his face to the sky. He places his hands on the balcony railing, closing his eyes for a moment. He’s completely and utterly spent. His exhaustion starts to creep in, and he fights back a yawn. 

He never went to bed last night.  Not that he could, without Jade in it. He really doesn’t like that he doesn’t sleep well without Jade now. He takes a deep breath, and hangs his head for a moment.

Everything that happened still seems surreal to him, and last night was truly one of the worst of his life.

His jaw clenches in anger as he thinks back to their fight. He’s still sorting out the events of last night and their profound effect on him. It’s not like him to panic, and he hates that he did. 

After his encounter with Tamra, he went to the control room and scanned the entire city, and she was nowhere. He swore when he found her, he was going to fuck her senseless and teach her a lesson in obedience she’d never forget.

He thought Jade would’ve at least told Leah where she was, but Eric guesses she didn’t because she really didn’t want him, or anyone to find her. He thought for sure Leah was lying, but she didn’t break when he threatened her.  He knows now that Leah really didn’t know, and Jade was smart not to tell her.

At this point Eric started to worry something had happened to her. By sheer force of luck, he remembered that there was only one spot in the city that the cameras couldn’t scan. It’s also the same spot Jade runs to when she needs to be alone, though Jade doesn’t know Eric knows that. He kicked himself for not thinking of the Hancock sooner. He took three guards and the sedative-filled syringe with him, knowing he would not get Jade to come willingly.

When he saw her sitting on the roof, lost in thought and obviously miserable, it was all he could do not to scoop her in his arms and be grateful she was okay. He already knows Jade means something to him, but he’s still trying to come to terms with exactly what it is. 

Maybe he just doesn’t want to admit he cares about her on some deeper level, even more than he realized. All he knows is that he’s never been this twisted up over anyone before, to the point he was actually storming all over Chicago looking for her! He must be crazy…or something else he’s not ready to admit.

Jade isn’t the only one being forced to confront themselves on a few things, either.

He’s not ready to admit to himself that what he feels for Jade could be love. Eric doesn’t really know what love is, or feels like. Until now, he thought love was just a made-up emotion that was utilized to get laid. 

All he knows is that he’s never felt the way he feels about Jade with any other woman, or anyone in general. She’s affected him on a deep level, and she does matter to him.

Eric didn’t realize that he cared, or wanted to know so badly how Jade truly felt about him as well. He didn’t know when he would get this chance again, with her having no choice but to be honest not only with him, but herself. He needed to know if she really was staying with Ayden out of spite, and if she really was just using him to deny her feelings for Eric.

Something that stuck out was that she said she “didn’t want to fall in love with someone that isn’t capable of loving her back.” If he’s being honest with himself, he’ll admit he doesn’t know if he’s capable of loving another person. But something about Jade makes him want to find out. 

And she never answered his question, and all the others firing like bullets in his brain…could she ever see him and their relationship differently? After everything Eric put her through, could she ever feel something more for him?

Does she already?

Eric looks over to where she’s sleeping soundly on the bed, her arm still cuffed. He knows he’s going to have to let her off eventually, but he has to make sure she doesn’t try to leave him again, and if she does, Eric needs to be able to find her and bring her back to him…one way or the other. In fact, it’s probably best that she doesn’t know about how he’d find her this time. Better do it while he still has the chance.

Eric takes the other box, the tracker serum, and gently injects it into her arm. She stirs, but doesn’t wake. He gazes at her for a moment, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He keeps telling himself that the tug he feels in his chest is just relief, but that nagging voice in the back of his head tells him he’s full of shit. What’s worse is that he knows he is.

Eric un-cuffs Jade’s wrist, and she immediately rolls to her side. Her arm is outstretched, like she’s searching for something. Eric smiles when he realizes she’s searching for him. Eric leans down and plants a kiss on her lips and she stops moving, but again doesn’t wake. 

He can’t resist, and carefully unfolds himself next to her, wrapping his arms around her. He just needs to feel her under him right now and know that she’s still here, and that she’s safe. He buries his face in her neck, breathing in her scent. He silently shakes his head in wonder.

How can Jade be so smart and so blind at the same time.

As for Jade leaving Dauntless…and leaving him… she can go ahead and forget that right now. Not. Happening. She’s lucky he’s even going to let her leave this bed. It felt like she was ripping his insides out, when she said that Eric ruined her life, and that Eric hates her and just wants to use her.

He’s never, ever felt bad about doing what he had to do to get what he wants, but it physically pains him that she really… _really_ feels that Eric hates her. That’s completely wrong, but that’s what she believes to be fact. 

Nothing could be further from the truth……which is that he can barely function without her. He doesn’t sleep well unless they have sex……which she’s right, is amazing……..and she’s in his arms.

Eric nearly lost his fucking mind last night, without her.

He gazes at Jade, sleeping soundly while nestled into his arms, her golden head on his shoulder. She’s so beautiful she takes his breath away sometimes, and he feels a strange warming sensation in his chest. 

How can Jade really believe he hates her? He can’t get enough of her. If he had it his way, they’d never leave this room again. He’s afraid to let her leave this room, because he doesn’t know if she’ll come back. It bothers him that he cares so much either way. He grits his teeth, as he exhales.

She’s not leaving him again. If she tries, he doesn’t care if he has to tear all of Chicago apart, he will find her and bring her back. Last night proved she’s too important to him, to just disappear out of his life. Over his dead fucking body, will he ever let that happen again.

Normally, any other woman would be too scared to go against him, and he probably would have broken their will completely by now, but not Jade. She’s got more courage than she knows. She’s a true Dauntless. 

She’s not afraid to do what she feels is necessary, no matter the risk to her personal safety and well-being. She proved last night that she will, if only to completely piss him off which was probably more her motive than anything. But she also put herself in danger, just to spite him.

He doesn’t want to think about what could have happened to her, without him there to protect her. What if some factionless piece of shit attacked her? What if she got hurt and couldn’t get help because she was alone? He shudders when he thinks about the ‘what ifs’. 

He knows now that he needs to stop trying to bend her to to his will through intimidation, because her defiance has the opposite effect of what he wants to be the end result. He’s not going to be able to curb his inner asshole completely out, but he can tone it down. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

He has to at least try. She can’t leave him like that again. He will go fucking  _crazy_  if she does.

Just then Jade rolls over and her arm slips around his waist, her small hand grazing his ribs. He rolls to his side, facing her and holding her tighter. Eric gazes at Jade’s sleeping face, so beautiful and peaceful, and for the moment content. He wants her to look this relaxed more often, and to be more at ease with him.

He wants her to see that it’s him she belongs with, and stop feeling so fucking guilty over what comes natural.

Jade murmurs in her sleep as her hand slips up his chest. Her small fingers graze his chin, where she plants a soft kiss then snuggles into the crook of his neck and shoulder. He strokes her hair and presses his lips to her forehead, feeling himself finally starting to relax. 

Her eyes start to flutter open, but he strokes her hair and gives her a soft kiss. “What have you done to me,” he whispers as his fingers graze her face. She brushes her lips against his, then nestles herself back into his shoulder.

With a great deal of reluctance, Eric gently disentangles himself from Jade and moves off the bed. She’ll probably be ravenous when she wakes up. She probably hasn’t eaten since yesterday, and it’s dark now. He’ll go get her something hot from the food hall, and bring it to her apartment. He knows she won’t be here when he comes back, if she wakes up by then.

His blood starts to heat, as he turns and gives her one last look before he goes. Her blonde hair is falling in waves around her shoulders, and her lips are full and parted. Just then, she sighs and her fingers graze her collarbone. She truly is a beautiful woman, one that makes his heart jump every time he sees her. Eric really did miss her last night.

He intends to show her just how much when she wakes up, and give her more reasons to stay than leave.

All night.


	14. Cards on the Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade and Eric have a long overdue discussion, and begin to come to terms. Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

Trying to blink the sleep out of my eyes, I start to stir. Opening them slowly, I find myself in an empty bed, but hear movement in my kitchen. Stretching my arms with a yawn, the exertion from the night before is felt in every limb. I collapse back against the pillow with a sigh.

It was into the early hours of the morning before Eric and I sated ourselves with each other. Even though I'm pleasurably tired, I feel great. Having mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex five times in a row will do that to a girl. I close my eyes, sighing blissfully at the memory of the shower... the steam...his mouth...his rock hard body...the way we came so hard together.... we definitely need to do that again. I roll onto my stomach, tucking my hands under the pillow. I’m too tired to move.

Just as I’m about to fall back asleep, soft kisses are placed on the base of my spine, and slowly travel up my back, to my shoulders, and then the nape of my neck. “Hmmmm,” I murmur as the rich aroma of coffee wafts to my nose, prompting me to turn over.

Eric sets a steaming cup on the bedside table, and sits on the bed next to me. He's shirtless and barefoot with only a pair of jeans hanging low from his hips, looking unbelievably sexy. I blush, as I'm completely naked with nothing but the thin sheet covering me. I'm being ridiculous. There's no part of me Eric hasn't seen. An almost shy smile pulls at my lips. I don't really know what to expect from him after the past few days. He doesn't say anything; his eyes just rove over my body for a moment, making me tingle. He leans in and brushes my hair behind my ear, and kisses me briefly.

"Hey," he whispers.

"Hey," I whisper back after a moment. He brushes my arm with his fingertips. Our eyes lock, and the air charges with electricity. “You’re still here,” I murmur sleepily as traces lazy circles on my hipbones. The scent of recent cigarette smoke clings to him, making my nose wrinkle. “You really thought I wouldn’t be?” he whispers as he stretches out beside me.

“It’s not that,” I reply sleepily with a yawn. “I just wasn’t sure I hadn’t imagined the whole thing.” Breaking our gaze, I look to the clock and see that it's later than I thought. Oh wow. I've never slept this late in the morning. "Well, it's late enough, suppose I should get my lazy ass out of bed." Starting to sit up, I’m quickly moved back against the pillows as Eric crawls over me, keeping me in place. He kisses my neck, and a tingling heat spreads throughout my entire body.

"I'd use many words to describe your ass, Jade, but 'lazy' doesn't come to mind," he murmurs as he nibbles behind my ear. I close my eyes and run my fingernails lightly up his back and shoulders. "We can't stay in bed all day, Eric, I have shit to handle, and I’m sure you do as well." Although right now, in bed is exactly where I want to be. His kisses become more urgent, and he levels me with the lust in his eyes. "You don’t have to be at work for the next week, and I don’t have to be in until later. The only thing I have to do right now, is you." He pulls the sheet off me, leaving my bare body exposed.

Our bodies lazily tangle, and I don’t even try to resist. Softly and slowly, we take another hit of the addiction neither one of us can seem to escape.

After we reach our usual conclusion, I reluctantly get out of bed. Eric stays stretched out as I get dressed, watching me intently though I avoid his eye. A thick, though not uncomfortable silence falls between us. After I brush my teeth, I stand in front of the mirror to inspect my appearance. Eric slowly rises and comes behind me, his arms circling my waist and his lips brushing my temple. A slow flush creeps over me, as our eyes connect in the mirror. After last night, there are still some things hanging in the air between us.

After a minute or two, Eric exhales slowly and nuzzles my neck. “We still have some issues to sort out, Jade,” he murmurs as he slowly turns me to face him. I meet his eyes with an even gaze, and take a deep breath. “Yeah…I know.” My voice is barely audible, and a small flicker of surprise passes over his face. He probably expected me to argue with him, or to say something smartass. After a moment, he wraps his arms more tightly and touches his forehead to mine. I try to steady my breathing and look up at him. “Eric, look. I know that-“ I stop midsentence, as just then, there’s a knock on my door. Who could that be?

Frowning, I glance at the door then back at him. Eric just shrugs, and I furrow my brow. “Stay here.” I gently break away from him as I walk out of the bedroom, making sure to shut the door. A lump forms in my throat as I pass the living room, trying not to step on any broken glass. What a mess. I open my door cautiously, as I’m not expecting anyone. Behind it stand Adam and Jason, two of Max’s assistants. They both nod as I give a tight smile. A feeling of dread falls over me, though I can’t explain it. “Hey guys…” I greet in a low voice as I step into the hallway. “Hey Jade,” Adam says. They glance at each other, and Jason clears his throat.

“Max would like to see you down at HQ as soon as possible,” he says, and a weight drops in my stomach. I lean back against the door, and shrug. “Okay…why? What’s up?” I ask. Both of them look away, obviously avoiding my eye.

“We don’t know, Jade. Max just said to come up here and get you, and to bring you to him as soon as possible.”

“What’s going on?”

“We don’t know, Jade...but he didn’t seem happy.”

My heart starts to pound, and I run a hand through my hair. “Okay, just give me a second.” I open my door, and close it as I make my way toward the bedroom. Why would Max want to see me? I push open the door to see Eric stretched out on my bed, scrolling through his phone. He looks up as I sit down to pull on my shoes.

“What’s going on?”

“I have to go. Max wants to see me in his office, and I have no idea why.”

I glance at Eric and shrug, while he just nods. I sigh as I stand up, and run a hand through my hair. “Make sure to wait a minute or two before you leave. Jason and Adam are outside, and they were sent to take me with them.” Eric clenches his jaw, and sets his phone down on his stomach. “Why would I need to wait?” he snaps, and I arch my brow in surprise.

“Why the fuck do you think? I don’t want anyone to see you leaving my apartment.”

“Why?”

“The fuck do you mean, ‘why’? Eric, I can’t…we can’t….”

I trail off as Eric slowly rises, his displeasure radiating from him. “We can’t let anyone know about us still,” he finishes for me in a growl. He crosses his massive arms and scowls at me as I take a deep breath. “No, we can’t. Eric look. I know that we have some things we need to discuss, but I need a little bit of time to get my head straight, and figure out exactly what the fuck I’m doing. I just need you to give me a little bit of space-“ Eric immediately cuts me off.

“So you think the best way to deal with this is to run away from it.”

“I didn’t say that! You-“

“Maybe not in so many words, but those are your intentions. Let me go ahead and make myself clear. Not fucking happening. You don’t want time to ‘figure out’ anything, you want time to be able to convince yourself everything that happened last night wasn’t real, or come up with some bullshit reason to keep ignoring what’s right in front of your fucking face!”

Eric exhales loudly and visibly forces himself to calm down. He wraps an arm around my waist and I put my hands on his chest, not knowing what else to do. “No, Jade,” he states in a normal tone this time, “I’m sick of this pretending bullshit. I’ve let this go on too long, and I’m done. We need to talk, and I’m not going to put it off any longer, and I won’t let you either,” he declares. I brush my fingers over his neck and sigh.

“I can’t do this right now, Eric. I told you, I have shit to handle –“

“You have shit to handle with me, Jade. That takes precedence.”

“Eric, look. I’m not trying to run away, I just can’t do this right now. I know –“

“Fine, not right this second. Tonight, then. We’ll discuss it over dinner.”

I stare at him disbelievingly, and immediately shake my head. “Dinner...? As in a date? Out of the fucking question,” I refuse, and move to back away from him. He reaches out and pulls me back. “It’s not a question, Jade, and I’m not asking. We are going to get a few things straight, and we’re going to do it tonight,” he decrees in a firm tone. I cross my arms defiantly.

“We can’t go on a date, Eric. Maybe some things have changed, but some things have stayed the same for the time being. This isn’t what we do anyway-“

“What isn’t what we do? And what hasn’t changed?”

“Eric, I’m still technically engaged. I can’t go on a date with another guy while my fiancé is lying in a hospital bed…and you and I don’t ‘date’. We fuck. That’s it.”

Eric narrows his eyes as the temperature between us becomes icy. A cold, calculating expression crosses his features, and I mentally prepare myself. He catches his bottom lip between his teeth, and inhales through his nose. “Let me put this another way, because you’re not really getting it right now,” He rumbles lowly.

“You meet me tonight, or I out you in front of everyone. We can discuss this in private, in a restaurant out in the city away from prying Dauntless eyes, or we can discuss it in the middle of the Pit or the Food Hall. Either way, we will talk about this tonight. The choice is yours.”

I grit my teeth and lean forward. “Don’t you fucking threaten me,” I hiss as I glare at him. A sinister smile pulls at his lips, and he licks them slightly. “This is not a threat, Jade. This is a statement of fact. Decide,” he orders through clenched teeth. I angrily search his face for a moment, trying to gauge whether or not he’s full of shit. Judging by the determined glare and the tension of his arms, he most decidedly is not bluffing. “Fine,” I spit at him angrily.

His face relaxes after a moment, even though I continue to glare at him. Just then, there’s a knock on my door again. Shit. I forgot Jason and Adam are still out there. I glance at the door in irritation, and then back at Eric. “I have to go,” I snarl. “Where are we going and what time?” I purse my lips, wanting to wipe the smug expression from his face. He kisses me fleetingly, then sits back down on the bed.

“Meet me in the garage at 6:00. I’m taking you to the Grille near the hub. Wear something nice.”

“The Grille? Isn’t that the restaurant that’s usually reserved for Council meetings?”

“Yes. And since you are adamant that this not be a date, which I don’t really do anyway, you can consider it a business meeting.”

My eyes widen in surprise. The Grille is an upscale restaurant that’s a usual spot for the Erudite. While most restaurants are open to every faction, some are only affordable to those whom earn credits on the leadership tier. I’ve never been to such a fancy place. I’ve only ever really been to the pool halls and pub-style restaurants frequented by the Dauntless, along with the occasional Amity cafes. That’s changed somewhat since I became an Ambassador, but this will still be a new experience.

I roll my eyes. “Fine,” I snap again. Another knock comes, more insistently this time. “Jesus Christ! Just a fucking minute!” I scream in frustration, and the knocking stops. I whip my head back to Eric, whose victorious expression makes me want to pop him. “I mean it, Eric. Wait 15 minutes, then leave. Make sure no one sees you,” I demand firmly. He holds his hands up in mock surrender. “As you wish,” he pretends to concede. I turn on my heel and stalk out of the room without another word.

I step out into the hallway and glare at Adam and Jason, and slam my door shut. “Well, let’s go, since the two of you obviously couldn’t give me five fucking minutes,” I snap angrily, and they glance at each other in confusion. I stomp toward the elevator, and cross my arms as I wait for the doors to open. I don’t like ultimatums. I don’t like being threatened. I don’t like this whole a-man-trying-to-tell-me-what-to-do bullshit.

I really don’t like that a nagging voice in the back of my head tells me I should probably get used to it.

* * *

As we walk through the Pit to the elevator that leads to the administration building, I can’t help but notice I’m getting stares and whispers as we pass. I glance around, and it seems people are surprised to see me. What the hell is going on? I wonder as we ride up to HQ sector. Butterflies start to flutter in my stomach as we enter the office, as I still don’t know what this is about.

“Have a seat Jade,” Adam says as Jason buzzes the intercom to Max’s office. I sit down and fold my hands in my lap as I wait. The intercom buzzes again a moment later, and Jason looks up. “You can go in now, Jade.” He sits down without another word, and I can tell he’s avoiding looking at me. I rise as gracefully as I can, and then cautiously make my way through the door.

Max is seated at his massive oak desk, and doesn’t look up as I enter. I can feel the thick layer of anger and tension in the air. I swallow nervously as I force a polite smile to my face. “Hello sir,” I greet, and Max finally looks up. His frigid expression chills me to my very core.

“Sit down, Jade,” he thunders, making me jump.

I immediately sink down into the chair across from him, and try to calm my racing heart. I don’t know what I did, but I am in deep shit. I nervously cross my legs and will myself not to fidget. Max doesn’t say anything for a moment, and the tension and wait eats at me. Finally, he finishes whatever he’s typing on the computer, and looks up, lacing his hands over his stomach.

“So it appears you managed to misplace yourself a few nights ago,” he snaps, and sets his jaw in a firm line. “Why,” he demands, touching his forefingers to either side of his chin. He doesn’t break his stare as he waits for an answer. My mouth opens and closes, as I’m caught off guard. How does he know I left? I was only gone for a night.

“Uhmmm…well…sir, I just…needed some fresh air, and I guess…..I….”

“Some fresh air,” he interjects, not at all impressed. I swallow the rest of what I was going to say as he places his elbows on the table. He narrows his eyes, and purses his lips for a moment. “Let me advise you of something imperative, young lady,” he snaps and my full attention is captured. He leans forward and levels me with his glare. “I may not be Erudite, but I’m no fool. Start that sentence over again, stop fucking stuttering like an idiot, and give me an answer that isn’t complete bullshit. I’m in no mood to beat around the bush, and you’re in enough trouble as it is. It wouldn’t be to your benefit to test my patience any further,” he growls.

My heart slams into my chest as I grip the side of my chair so tightly my knuckles turn white. Fuck me, this is bad, I think to myself wildly. I take a deep breath and try to draw myself up. If I lie, I’ll only make this worse. Channeling my inner Tamra, I square my shoulders and steady my voice.

“I had an altercation with someone, and I reacted on impulse. I needed a minute to collect myself, and just wanted to get out of the compound.”

“How did a ‘minute’ turn into two days without any word to anyone, including your own mother?”

“I wasn’t aware I was so missed, sir. I was only gone for a little while.”

Max exhales and leans back in his chair. “Tell me, Jade,” he snaps in his condescending tone, “Did you intend for this little excursion of yours to be permanent?” He doesn’t break his gaze as he waits for his answer. I swallow thickly and tell him the truth. “The thought…very briefly…crossed my mind, sir,” I admit quietly. Max’s face remains stoic, then his eyes narrow.

“Well Jade, in case it ever ‘crosses your mind’ again, let me go ahead and eradicate any misconception you may have. You leaving this faction is never going to happen. Although you are not really showing it right now, you are an invaluable part of Dauntless, and if you think I would allow you to weaken this faction, destroy your mother, and throw away your own life, you are very much mistaken.”

I remain frozen in my chair, at a complete loss for words. I nod slightly in affirmation, swallowing thickly. Max’s eyes continue to bore into me, then he sighs and shakes his head slightly. “Look, Jade,” he starts in a slightly softer tone, “I know you’re young, and recklessness is a part of being Dauntless born. But you are no longer a child, you are an adult and in an instrumental role in your faction. I suggest you start acting like it.” Max sits up slightly, and runs a hand over his head.

“Jade, I don’t normally involve myself in the personal matters of my staff, but I have to make an exception in this case. Your mother and I are…friends….and have been since you were a little girl. I don’t like to see Tamra upset, and she was losing her fucking mind the other night, thinking something had happened to you. As you are not a parent yourself yet, you cannot possibly fathom how worried she was for you, but I can. If you ever put her through something like that again, I will not be so lenient with you, and you will find that my remedy for your bad behavior will be less than pleasant. Is that understood?”

My mouth opens slightly in shock. “Yes…yes sir,” I finally mutter quietly. Max holds me in his icy gaze for a few more moments, then he sighs. “He’s not worth it anyway, Jade. Certainly not throwing your whole life away.” I pucker my brow curiously. “Sir?” I inquire, confused. What is he talking about? Max rolls his eyes slightly.

“Ayden Sawyer, right? I assume this little spat you had was over him?”

“Well, Ayden is my fiancé, but I haven’t seen him since he’s been assigned to Amity detail. Why would you think it was over him?”

Max raises his eyebrows in surprise. “I’d assumed you had seen the tapes from the Amity security feed,” he says slowly. I shake my head, bewildered. “Tapes?....what tapes? Tapes of what?” I ask. Max stares at me for another long moment, then shrugs. “Forget it, never mind,” he says with finality, and I decide not to press, though a nagging feeling stirs in the pit of my stomach. Just then, his intercom buzzes. “Sir,” Jason’s voice crackles, “Your next meeting is here.” Max turns stern eyes back on me.

“I suggest you heed my warning, Jade. Do not ever pull a stunt like this again. You’re dismissed.”

I nod, and slowly rise from my chair. “Yes sir,” I whisper as I hastily make my way toward the door. As I make my way out of HQ, a feeling of dread falls over me. Apparently, my brief stay way from Dauntless wasn’t quite as unnoticed as I’d hoped. Looks like I have an apology tour to embark on, and see who else wants to chew me out. Might as well get started.

* * *

I decide to start with Leah, as I’m certain some of Eric’s bullshit probably came her way. After I stop by the communications hub and order a new phone, I make my way down to the boutique. When I walk into the store, Leah is leaning over the sketch easel, her brow furrowed. She looks up and gasps when she sees me.

"JADE!!!!" Leah shrieks, and runs over and engulfs me in a hug. "Where the hell have you been? Why aren't you answering your phone? Thank God you're okay!" I put my hands up in surrender.

“Leah….I’m sorry. I just got a little overwhelmed with everything, and needed to take a minute."

"You could've fucking let me know you were okay! I've been worried sick!" She demands angrily.

"I know, I'm sorry, I just kinda freaked out. I haven't answered my phone because I don't have one anymore." I say apologetically. I can tell she was really worried. Leah tells April she's going on a break , and we head towards the lounge in the Pit. We plop down on a couch, and the Candor inquisition begins.

"Where the hell have you been? What happened?"

"I just needed some time to myself, to clear my head a little."

"Why didn't you tell me? I was freaking out thinking something happened to you."

I take a deep breath and brush my hand on on her shoulder. I feel bad that she was so worried. "I know and I'm sorry, I just didn't want to get you involved, in case Eric thought you were in on it and confronted you. I knew that at least this way, you really wouldn't be able to tell him where I was, because you really didn't know. I also didn't want you to talk me out of it, so I just kinda left before anyone could stop me. I didn't take my phone with me, because I figured out he would track me through it.” Leah sighs and shakes her head.

“So you and Eric get into it? How bad?”

“Like I said, I just kind of lost it. I actually accused him of having something to do with what happened to Ayden, though I don’t know how it would be possible. Then, he and I had a showdown of sorts when I found him in my apartment later that night.” I close my eyes briefly, as the bad memory our fight comes back to me. “We got in a pretty vicious brawl, and I left. I was so upset, I threw my phone off the train. That’s the only reason I didn't call, and I didn’t leave my apartment until this morning," I explain sheepishly, hoping she can forgive me. I tell her about Navy pier, and Eric finding me at the Hancock and bringing me back.

Leah purses her lips and sighs. "Alright, I guess I'll let it go this time, but don't ever do that to me again. I was so scared for you." She looks around and says in a low voice, "I wasn't the only one. He came barging into my apartment, completely losing his shit. He wasn't just pissed off, Jade, he was worried. I've never seen a Dauntless leader so twisted up. He can deny it all he wants, but he really cared whether or not you were okay." She nods at me with a pointed look. I just shrug. I don't know what Eric's agenda is regarding me anymore.

She grimaces. "So exactly how pissed is he? What happened?" I let out a deep breath, and tell her all of the events from Eric bringing me back, to now. All of them. I decide to omit the part about the truth serum though. That, I’m still not ready to face.

She whistles under her breath and chuckles. "Damn, Jade, five times? I'm kinda jealous right now. I wish I got laid as much as you do," she laughs. I just grin. "Well," she says and straightens her shirt. "It's official. Eric is starting to fight for you. You’ve got quite a choice to make, it seems.” She looks at me matter-of-factly. I just stare back at her, stunned.

"Fight for me? He’s not fighting for me. He's just pissed that I defied him and did what he said I couldn't do. He feels nothing for me. I'm just a pawn in his sick little game, and where he gets physical satisfaction for the time being. Him wanting to take me on a date tonight is just a way to screw with my head. He's probably got some horrible surprise in store for me, as punishment," I say with a shudder. "Okay, Jade," she scoffs, "keep telling yourself that." Leah just looks at me and shakes her head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demand indignantly. I know what she means, I just don’t want to acknowledge it.

"Oh nothing," she says with a laugh. She jumps up. "Just let yourself in to my place, and start getting ready tonight. The Grille is pretty fancy, so I'll help you with your makeup and hair before you leave." I smile gratefully. She suddenly pulls back and her mouth opens slightly.

“By the way, have you talked to your mom yet?”

“Not yet….I don’t have a phone. Why?”

“She was pretty worried, Jade. You need to call her.”

“As soon as I pick up my new phone I will.”

I get up to make my way to the communications hub. "Okay. I guess I'll see you tonight….as I get ready for my dinner with the devil."

* * *

Later that evening, I stare at myself in the mirror. Even I think I'm a knockout. My dress is a simple, black satin that bunches at the top, making my bust look fuller, and straight from the ribs down. My shoulders are bare, and my legs look a mile long. The dress dips low in the back, leaving much of my back exposed. My black heels are strappy and make me an inch taller. My golden hair is piled loosely on top of my head, with a few tendrils escaping and brushing my bare shoulders in a sexy way. My makeup is perfect, and makes my green eyes pop. I look pretty.

No, I look beautiful. I smile to myself.

Leah gives me one final inspection, adding stud earrings and a spritz of perfume. She pulls a few more delicate pieces of my hair in the back, then nods in approval. "You, my dear, are a gorgeous woman,” she says warmly. I just smile. I don't really care about this stuff…although for some reason I do want to look good tonight.....with Eric.

We still have a few minutes before I have to go, so we plop down on her couch. “So,” Leah says as she opens a bottle of water, “How bad did your mom chew you out?” I groan and put my head in my hands. After I picked up my new phone, I called my mom, and her reaction to my little tantrum was exactly what one would expect from Tamra Crawford. She demanded I come to her apartment immediately, and she was not happy.

There are very few things in this world that scare me. I can handle heights, fast speeds, the dark, you name it. But the one thing that frightens me to my very core, that can paralyze me, and make my blood freeze in my veins, is my mother when she’s in a rage. I’m very surprised a pissed off Tamra Crawford wasn’t in my fear landscape.

“Jade!” Tamra had cried, rushing toward me when she opened the door. I reflexively put my hands up, and she engulfed me in her arms. Stunned, I automatically wrap mine around her, trying to figure out what is going on. After a moment, she pulls back and frantically scans me, looking for any visible sign of injury. “Mom,” I whisper, truly confused, “What is-“ She immediately shakes her head and grips either side of my face.

“Where the fuck have you been, Jade? Why didn’t you answer my calls or call me back?”

“Mom, what are you talking about? The reason I haven’t – “

“I’m talking about you not answering or returning my calls, leaving me to believe God-knows-what had happened to you for two fucking days!”

“Mom, I’m…I’m sorry…I don’t have my phone anymore, and I didn’t know you were trying to reach me….”

I put my hands over hers, and Tamra exhales loudly and kisses my forehead. She pulls back after a moment, shaking her head. “Where the fuck have you been, Jade? I’ve been worried sick! Where did you go? Why?” I can’t get a word in edgewise from the barrage of questions. Once we sat down at the table, I sheepishly explain everything that happened and why. Tamra shakes her head angrily.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve misunderstood you. Because it sounded like my daughter…the one that ranked first in her class, has a prominent position in Dauntless, and has her whole life ahead of her, said she almost ruined it over some fucking guy. That doesn’t sound like the daughter I raised,” Tamra snarls, and my jaw falls open.

“Mom, I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. I just kind of-“

“What you did, Jade, is throw this whole fucking place into chaos! You have no idea what your little stunt did!”

“Mom, I didn’t mean to-“

“You may not have, Jade, but you did…where you even thinking of me?”

Tears well in my mom’s eyes, and guilt pangs in my heart. “Mom, I’m sorry,” I whisper as my own tears start to gather. Tamra pulls me into her arms and strokes my hair as we both cry, then she pulls back and looks at me squarely. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me if I lost you, baby girl? Any at all? I couldn’t handle it, Jade. I wouldn’t be able to go on if something happened to you. You may not understand yet because you aren’t a parent yourself….but you will be one day, and you’ll remember this conversation.” Her eyes harden, and I gulp.

“Don’t you ever pull a stunt like this again. Do you understand me little girl?” she whispers in her deadly tone, and I try to appear indignant. “Mom, I’m not a child. I’m a grown woman, and-“ I swallow the rest, as Tamra leans in.

“Let me tell you something, little girl. I don’t care if you’re no longer a dependent, or even the queen of fucking Dauntless! I’m still your mother, and you will never…. ever…. be able to kick my ass, but I will certainly kick yours, if you ever pull some shit like this again! You had me worried sick, Jade!”

I wisely chose not to say anything after that, just giving a quiet “Yes ma’am”.

Leah laughs as I finish telling her my story, finishing her water. “Well, it looks like you inherited your badass genes from your mom.” She nods toward the clock. “Better get going, your dark prince is waiting,” she teases. I stick my tongue out at her as I gather my things. I give my appearance one final inspection, and take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I don’t know why I’m so jumpy.

I plan to be on my guard tonight. I don't know what Eric is up to, and I need to be ready for anything, expected or not.

I smile gratefully at Leah, then slip out the door, promising to give details later. Taking one of the many hidden paths that lead to the garage, I catch myself furtively glancing around me, as I don’t want to be seen. As I reach the bottom of the compound, I make my way through the huge glass doors that house all the patrol cars, motorcycles, and large vehicles that transport leaders to their meetings. I feel Eric's eyes on me, but I don't see him yet. I start to think that maybe that was his plan, to make me dress up, then stand me up. I just shrug. I'm neutral either way.

Suddenly, my skin tingles, and I turn around. There he stands, watching me.

Eric is wearing nice pants and his usual v-neck black shirt, with a dinner jacket over it. His short blond hair is perfectly groomed, and he has a look of refinement. For some odd reason, my breath catches, and I quickly tell myself that it's just a high state of alert. I don't know what to expect, or what this is all about.

Eric walks up to me, his eyes smoldering with lust. "Hey," I whisper, my eyes locked with his. He smiles slightly. "Hey," he says in the same whisper. "You look beautiful," he says. I swallow nervously. "Thanks," I whisper and feel desire pool in my belly. I quickly avert my eyes.

He puts his hand on the side of my face, turning me toward him to kiss me.

Surprised, I kiss him back automatically. He breaks our embrace, then lightly grips my hand. "Ready?" He asks as he opens the car door to my left. I just nod, not really knowing what to say. I carefully cross my legs as Eric closes the door, then slides into the driver’s seat. As the city skyline rolls by us, I can’t help but shake my head in bewilderment. Two nights ago, Eric and I very nearly almost killed each other in a vicious fight, and now we’re dressed up and going to dinner in the city.

It’s like I’m tripping on some overdosed Amity bread.

* * *

We get to the restaurant, and the waiter pulls my chair out for me, but doesn't so much as glance in my direction. "Glass of red wine for the lady, and whiskey on the rocks for me." The waiter nods and scurries off, and I raise my eyebrows in surprise. He looks at me with a smirk.

"You like red wine."

"I do, but I could've told him that myself."

"No, you couldn't have."

"And why is that?"

"Because a man is supposed to order, so I'll do the talking."

"You think you’re going to tell me what I can eat?"

"Yes. So tell me what you'd prefer now. Chicken or beef?"

I narrow my eyes and scowl at him. I'm about to say something smart-ass, but I decide to give this a try. I purse my lips. "Chicken," I say finally. I don't even bother to look at the menu. When the waiter comes back with our drinks, Eric orders grilled chicken and vegetables for me, and steak and a baked potato for him. I sip my glass of red wine and eye him over the brim. He does the same with his glass of whiskey. Finally, my curiosity gets the better of me. I speak first.

"So, you want to tell me what this is all about?"

"Tell you what what is all about?"

"This," I gesture around me. "Why are we here?"

"We're here because I'm hungry, and I want to eat. People do that in restaurants."

"Okay...but why am I here?"

He sips his whiskey, resting his arm on the table. He eyes me impassively for a minute. "Why wouldn't you be?" He counters quietly. I don't really know what to say to that. I just shrug. "Because I know you're not really pleased with me right now, nor me with you, and I'm sure you have something in store for me, and I probably won't like whatever it is. So if it's all the same, I'd like to get whatever punishment I have coming out of the way." I catch my breath and try to calm my nerves.

His expression hardens and, he looks away for a moment. My heart starts to pound. He brings his eyes back to mine. "I just want to have dinner with you, Jade. That's all. No punishments or surprises. I think we still need to clear the air a little, and I want to do it in a place where sex won't keep getting in the way. There are still some answers I want from you." I relax somewhat with a sigh. "Okay, then, what's on your mind?" .........and so begins our dialogue.

"Why do you think I hate you?"

"The things you've done weren't exactly out of affection," I whisper after a minute.

"How do you know that?"

"People don't do things you did to me to people that they like." What? I wasn't expecting that.

"People show affection in different ways."

"Yes, but it usually doesn't involve manipulation and coercion."

"Fair point." He nods. I'm utterly confused. Where's he going with this?

He strokes his chin for a moment, then continues."Why do you think Ayden is the only man that could ever love you and give you a good life?"

My heart thuds, and I feel like he just stabbed me in it. I was right. This is my punishment. He's throwing all of the deeply personal things I told him by force, right back in my face. In public. I close my eyes and look away for a moment, then meet his eyes. He sits, waiting for my answer. "Do you really want to talk about Ayden right now?" I whisper. "No, but I'd like an answer to my question, Jade." His tone leaves no room for argument. Fuck it, I decide. I've got nothing to lose by answering him.

"Because he's the only man that's ever looked at me the way he did. Ayden is the only guy that’s never tried to use me for personal gain, or wasn’t a complete asshole. We’ve known each other since we were kids. He was there for me during a difficult time, and we were friends first. Friendship grew into love, and that’s something I couldn’t have with anyone else here. He and I were what fits, and what’s supposed to be. He loves me, even though I don’t deserve him. He’s the only guy that could, after everything I’ve done. ”

He doesn't say anything for a moment, but his face looks pained for a fleeting second. He gulps the rest of his whiskey down. He looks down, and then back at me. His eye lingers on my hand, where my engagement ring is noticeably absent.

"How long are you really going to keep this up, Jade?"

“Keep what up?”

“Pretending you believe everything you just said, and ignoring the obvious.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said, Jade.”

Eric’s eyes bore into mine as we face off, and my pulse begins to race. “You’re ignoring that maybe, just maybe, there’s a better match for you other than your precious Ayden. You don’t even know what you want, Jade. You’re just sticking with what feels comfortable.” He leans back in his chair ad doesn’t break his gaze. My eyes narrow. “You don’t know the first thing about my relationship with him, Eric. You making assumptions that-“ he cuts me off.

“Oh, I’m making assumptions? No, Jade, just keen observations. Want to know a really interesting observation I’ve made? Here it is. I keep hearing you say how much you think he loves you, and would be the best for you, and other bullshit you’re desperately trying to convince yourself of, but you know what I haven’t heard _you_ say once? How much _you_ love and want to be with _him_.”

I open my mouth reflexively to retort, but no words come out….because he’s right.

Completely floored, I can’t do anything but stare at him as he arches his brow, waiting for my response. I look away, after a moment, trying to keep the tears from welling in my eyes. I finally look back at Eric, who’s face is like stone. I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. “You may think you know me, and what I want, but you don’t have the first fucking clue, Eric. If it was your intent to bring me here and throw everything in my face as punishment, I commend you on a job well done. ” I swallow a sip of my wine nervously, as an uncomfortable silence falls between us.

He suddenly takes my hand.

"Jade," he says softly. "Relax. I'm not here to punish you or anything else you might be thinking of. I want you here because believe it or not, I just want us to come to terms with a few issues that seem to be plaguing us. I don't want you to leave again. I want you to relax a little. Obviously, you matter to me, even if you don't believe you do.” He exhales through his nose, and strokes the back of my hand. “Let's just enjoy our dinner." I nod, and decide to just go with it, and enjoy one night.

Hell, it's just one night.

All throughout dinner, Eric keeps his hand laced with mine. We talk quietly, and I realize I've never had a single, full conversation with him. I actually start to feel myself relax a little, and at one point even find myself enjoying his company. By the time we get up to leave, I've had plenty of wine, and I'm feeling relaxed, carefree......even happy, almost. To my surprise, Eric laces his fingers with mine as we leave. Almost as if we were real.

Must be the wine.

We pull up to the compound. Eric eases the car into the assigned space and shuts the engine off. I go to grab the door handle, when I feel Eric’s hand on my thigh. I turn to look at him, and my breath catches. His blue eyes are smoldering, the pupils blown wide. “Stay with me tonight, Jade,” he all but whispers.

I should say no. I should think of my fiancé lying in a hospital. I should think of all the ways Eric is bad for me, and keep reminding myself that this won’t last, and can only end badly. I should be smart.

Instead, I nod my head in agreement.

I turn to follow Eric out of the garage. To my surprise, he laces his fingers with mine as we walk to the utility elevators. I'm a little tipsy, and as we wait, I prop my hand against the wall. Eric is still holding my other hand, and when he sees me leaning against the wall, he gently tugs me into his arms. I automatically wrap my arms around his waist, and rest my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes as Eric exhales slowly and holds me slightly tighter.

Even though it shouldn't, this feels so, so good right now.

We step on, and Eric enters the code for his floor. He turns to me and tilts my head back, gazing at me intensely. My breath catches as our eyes connect, then he brings my mouth to his. I slowly bring my hand up over his chest, to his neck, then finally, to cup the back of his head. Surprised, he holds me tighter and deepens our kiss. Eric has kissed me many times, but never like this. Never have we truly connected like we are now.

Tonight will be different. We both feel it.

* * *

We barely make it inside the apartment. Eric was having trouble with the lock and almost kicked the door in to open it, before it finally gave way. Our hands are fumbling to take each other's clothes off, and my dress almost suffers the same fate as the door.

"Hey, this is new! Don't rip it to shreds like my other poor clothes," I giggle and reach for the side zipper. He wraps his arms tighter around me and kisses my neck. "I don’t want to have to, but I'm not going to be able to control myself much longer. Get. It. Off. Now," he commands in a ragged whisper. I smile and walk him towards the bed, pushing him down to sit on the edge while I stand in front of him. "Well," I say in a breathy whisper, "let me just go ahead and get everything that's new off, so it doesn't get destroyed," my eyes never leave his, and a small smile is on my face.

I step back a little, and Eric eyes me from his spot on the bed. He takes his jacket off and tosses it on a chair. I undo my zipper and peel my dress off slowly, to reveal my new pale pink and black lace bra and panty set. Eric's eyes almost pop out of his head, and his breathing becomes elevated. I let my hair down, shaking it loose. I reach behind me and undo the clasp on my bra, letting it fall to the floor. "Turn around," he whispers, and I can tell he's about lunge at me. I do as commanded, and he has a fantastic view of my ass and long legs, in nothing but pink and black lace and high heels.

I smile and bite my lip. "You know," I say in mock seriousness, "these shoes are new, too. I should probably take-" I squeal when he finally grabs me and pulls me to him on the bed. "Don't you fucking dare," he growls with a smile, "and I want to do this part." He rolls me over so that I'm on my back, and I remove his shirt over his head. He trails kisses over my stomach, and abdomen, and then hooks his fingers into the lace and slowly slides them down my thighs, lifting my legs in the air. He slides my panties of my ankles, then I feel a trail of kisses on my inner thighs.

I close my eyes and gasp, as I feel his mouth take me.

I grip the bed sheets and arch my back, as his tongue strokes and strokes, showing no mercy. My legs are shaking, and my need to have him inside me becomes almost more than I can bear. "Eric," I whisper desperately, "please." He looks up at me with storming blue eyes, and slowly kisses his way up my body, removing the last of his clothing on the way. I wrap my legs around his waist in anticipation. He hovers over me for a moment, then holds my face on either side and looks deep in my eyes.

"What do you want, Jade?"

"You know what I want, Eric..."

"Am I the only one you want it from?"

"Eric….”

"Say it," he growls, his eyes raging with desire and that other mystery emotion.

I hold his gaze, my own passion and lust taking over. I run my fingertips over his mouth and say in a hushed whisper,

"You're the only one I want, Eric.”

Surprise registers on both of our faces, and his eyes briefly search mine for a moment. Then our mouths connect again, and he plunges inside me. We find our rhythm together, my hips twisting to meet him, and our mouths meeting hungrily. Eric pulls me into a sitting position with him, and I wrap my legs around his waist as we move, his arm wrapped around my waist and the other over my shoulder gripping the back of my hair. One of my arms is around his neck, the other is under his shoulder gripping his back. I feel the pressure building, and I start to climb higher and higher....

Eric lays me back down as he gets near to his own release. He turns my face to his, silently imploring me to look at him. I comply. "Tell me again," he says in a ragged whisper. "You're the only one I want, Eric..." I breathe desperately, the tight feeling between my legs almost more than I can stand. Eric looks at me intensely, and whispers "I'm the only one you'll ever need, Jade...." He brings his mouth to mine, and a few more thrusts brings us to our most explosive climax yet.

We collapse on the bed, soft kisses being planted on each other's lips and jaw. I start to feel myself fall into a blissful sleep, when Eric brings my face to his. "Jade," he whispers. I turn to him sleepily. "Mmm hmm?" I can't keep my eyes open. He strokes my face for a moment, then says "never mind. Go to sleep.” He wraps his arms around me and kisses me behind my ear.

As I fall asleep, I can't help but feel strangely disappointed at not hearing whatever he wanted to tell me....but I'll certainly have more opportunities.


	15. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade finally faces the music, and gets what she deserves from Ayden. A significant turning point. Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

I’m just finishing a report when Ashley buzzes me. “Food’s here,” she calls and I smack my lips together gratefully. I’ve been so busy today I didn’t have time for breakfast. I’ve been ignoring my growling stomach all day.

“Okay, you want to take a break and eat it in the park?”

“Sounds good.”

I lock my computer and meet her outside my office. My mouth starts to water as the scent of garlic bread wafts to my nose. “I’m fucking starving,” I proclaim as she grabs the bag and falls into step beside me. Ashley groans. “Tell me about it. I haven’t eaten at all today.” We make our way through the tunnel and out of the compound. It’s a beautiful spring day, and the weather is almost perfect. There’s a slightly sweet breeze in the air, and the temperature is cool, yet comfortable. I love this time of year, although the weather can be fickle.

We sit down and rip open our boxes. “So,” Ashley begins as we dig in to our food. “How’s everything with you? Haven’t seen much of you lately,” she inquires casually, and I smirk. She’s fishing for information, and I might as well give it to her. “Okay, just busy. Ever since I began my rotation again, it seems as though I barely have a moment to breathe.” I take a sip of my tea and eye her over the brim, not missing the slight disappointment in her eye. She wasn’t talking about work, and I know it. She smirks right back.

“Yeah, you’re very in demand lately. That reminds me….” She swallows a sip of her drink and picks up her fork. “Did I tell you I got an e-mail from Jeanine Matthews’ assistant? She wants to schedule a lunch meeting with you next week, at a restaurant in the city.” I whip my eyes up to hers.

“With me? Why?”

“Don’t know. I just got the request this morning.”

“Is it just me she wants to meet with?”

“Actually no…she’s meeting with Max, Eric, and Cameron as well. She wants you there, for some reason though.”

“That’s weird…I’m not on the council. What could she possibly want with me?”

“I wish I knew Jade, but I don’t. “

 A strange chill goes down my spine. That frigid bitch gives me the absolute creeps, but I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe it’s the way she’s almost fake-friendly whenever I’m around her. The way she stares at me is unsettling. Like she knows something I don’t, or like she’s dissecting me in her mind. Ashley grins and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe she’s into you…” I pretend to gag and roll my eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Ashley, I’m trying to eat here!” I laugh and toss my napkin at her. Ashley shrugs and takes another sip of her tea. “Just sayin’. It would explain a lot of things.” Grimacing, she shakes her head.

“Oh God….can you imagine what a shitty lay she must be? If she’s ever been laid at all….”

“Oh my God…who the hell would be that desperate? I hardly think that cold bitch could be bothered. She’d probably just have one of her assistants do it for her, if she could…”

As we’re trying to contain our laughter, Ashley’s face suddenly goes very pale. She closes her eyes for a moment, inhaling sharply. “Ashley? Are you okay?” I ask, alarmed. She shakes her head after a minute, opening her eyes. “yeah, yeah I’m fine. I just got dizzy for a second. That was weird….It’s been happening a lot lately. I’m probably just hungry.” She takes a bite of her ravioli, then puts her fork down. Her face has gone from pale to green. My eyes grow wide as she leans over the side of the table, retching almost violently. She looks up after a moment, wiping her mouth with the napkin.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry Jade. I guess this isn’t agreeing with me,” she gestures toward her food. I lean over and quickly close the box, as it’s obvious the sight and smell of it is bothering her. “You have a little stomach bug?” I ask, and she shrugs. “I don’t know. I think I might be coming down with an early spring flu or something. Lately, I’m so hungry, but once I eat I get sick. It’s weird,” she whispers, rubbing her forehead and taking another sip of her drink. I quickly bag up the rest of our food and nod at her.

“Take the rest of the day off. Go home, get some rest.”

“Oh, Jade that’s okay, I’ll be alright…”

“I insist. Especially if you’re getting sick. I can’t afford to get sick with you, I have enough shit to do as it is.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I can handle it. The day’s almost over anyway.”

“You’re the best boss ever, Jade….”

“And don’t you forget it.”

I grin as we get ready to head back to the compound. Just then, my phone buzzes beside me. I look down, and my heart gives a slight jump. _ERU_ is in front of a number I don’t recognize. Ashley notices my expression, and furrows her brow. “Jade, you okay? Who is it?” I take a deep breath, then shrug. “Someone from Erudite. I’ll be right back.” Frowning slightly, I make my way out of earshot and press ‘accept’.

“Jade Crawford…”

“Hello, Ms. Crawford. This is Dr. Hamels, Mr. Sawyer’s attending physician.”

I sit on a nearby bench and try to keep my hand from shaking. “Oh…yes, Dr. Hamels…” I finally mutter.

“I have some news of Mr. Sawyer, and I wanted to give you an update.”

“Oh…okay…”

He clears his throat. “Well, the good news is that he’s responded positively to the treatment, and the swelling has reduced in his brain. I decided to slowly decrease his anesthetic, allowing him to come out of the coma safely. He’s progressing at a pleasing rate, and came to this afternoon, a bit earlier than was expected….”

The blood starts rushing in my ears, and my heart starts to pound. “So…Ayden…Ayden is awake?” I whisper, swallowing thickly. Panic starts to set in, though I can’t explain it. “Yes, Ms. Crawford, he is. He’s been in and out since regaining consciousness, which is typical with this type of injury. Optimistically, I anticipate he’ll be ready for visitors within the next few days.” I force myself to pay attention as Dr. Hamels goes over a few more details. Forcing my voice to remain steady, I finally speak.

 “So I’ll be notified when I can see him?”

“Of course, Ms. Crawford. As soon as we get the results of a few more tests, and he’s of proper strength, word will be sent immediately.”

“Very well then. Thank you for calling, doctor.”

“Of course, Ms. Crawford. I’ll see you in a few days.”

We hang up, and I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, feeling guilt crash over me. Ayden is awake, and instead of being happy, I’m feeling an almost dread. It’s been three weeks since his accident. Instead of worrying about my fiancé lying in a hospital, I’ve spent almost every night with Eric.

Things have dramatically changed between us since the night we had dinner. Instead of dodging him out of guilt over our affair, I’ve accepted that there’s no point in running from something I know I’ll never really escape anyway. I don’t know exactly what it is, I’m just no longer denying it’s there….and getting stronger every day. We’ve made a few changes in the way we treat each other and communicate, and I’m gaining some real perspective on my life and the direction it’s going. It’s time for me to start facing facts and dealing with issues head on, instead of ignoring them….

“Jade? Are you okay?” Ashley’s voice suddenly calls beside me, breaking my train of thought.

As I turn to look at her, I realize something else. If I’m ever going to get rid of this crushing guilt I feel, I need to let go of a few of my secrets. I’ve never really been one to lean or depend on other people, but I do have friends. Friends that support me, won’t judge or look down on me, and deserve to know the truth…especially after what happened the night I left. When I heard that they were practically held prisoner in their own homes, I was mortified. Even though Jason and Samantha are engaged and living together, and so are Ashley and Rob, it still put them in an awkward position and it’s all my fault. Not to mention Brady with Leah , and Sebastian with Rachel. My bullshit with Eric should’ve stayed out of their way, but it didn’t….and I never explained why.

They deserve answers, and it’s time for me to come clean with them.

I smile wanly at Ashley and gesture for her to sit down. “That was the doctor at Erudite,” I explain softly. “He wanted to give me some news about Ayden.” Ashley immediately takes my hand, concern etched on her face.

“Good news or…”

“Good…he’s actually awake, and I’ll be able to see him in a few days. Doc said he’s responding well to treatment.”

“So…you’re going to see him when you’re able to? Is that going to….Is….oh, uhmm, never mind…that’s good to hear, Jade…”

I give a half-hearted smile as I realize what she’s asking without wanting to ask it. She wants to know if this is going to cause a problem with Eric. It probably will, but I can’t focus on that right now. I owe it to Ayden, and to my friends to make things right. My friends should not have to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me.

“Ashley…if you’re feeling up to it, can you meet me and everyone else tonight for a drink? I have some things I want to talk to you guys about…”

“Sure, Jade, of course. I’ll probably go home and take a nap for a little bit, and be fine. What time?”

“Hold on, let me text everyone and see.”

I quickly text Rachel, Leah, and Samantha, asking if we can meet tonight after work. All three text back almost immediately, agreeing to meet at the pub in the Dauntless sector. It’s a Wednesday afternoon, so it should be fairly dead. “About eight?” I ask, looking up, and Ashley nods. “Yeah, that’s good. I’ll be there.” I nod, rise, and we start to head back toward the compound.

As I head back to my office, a wind of relief blows through me unexpectedly. This will be good to get off my chest, after all these months.

* * *

 

Later that evening, I’m changing my clothes when I hear my front door open. I roll my eyes slightly, and sigh. I live alone, and there’s only one person that would just waltz their ass in without knocking first. A minute later, Eric walks into my room, tossing his jacket on the bed. I eye him in the mirror as he comes behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Nervous jitters start to strum through me. I have to tell him about Ayden being awake, and I don’t know what kind of argument that will probably lead to.

Turning to face him, I purse my lips in wry smirk. “Have you ever heard of this concept called ‘knocking’? People usually do it before they just walk into someone else’s house,” I chide lightly, giving him a fleeting kiss. Eric scoffs and wraps his arms tighter.

“Why would I need to knock? It doesn’t matter if you aren’t dressed. You don’t have anything I haven’t seen…or tasted.”

“Eric!”

“What?”

“Do you have to be so crude?”

“Coming from you? That’s just funny.”

I promptly scowl and flip him off. Eric smirks and stretches out on my bed, reaching for his phone. As he scrolls through, I finish getting dressed and start brushing my hair. He looks up after a minute, his jaw slightly clenched. “You going somewhere?” he asks, taking note of my outfit. I’m wearing a black, long-sleeved crop top that shows off my abs, and low slung jeans that show the curve of my hips. Leah of course designed and made them both, and they’re very flattering. I fasten my earring and glance at him in the mirror. 

“As a matter of fact I am. I’m meeting the girls for a drink.”

“Where?”

“Out in the city.”

“Where? What time are you coming back?”

I purse my lips in surprise, and annoyance. Turning slowly to face him, I raise my brow at him in challenge. “I already told you…out in the city, and I’ll come home whenever the fuck I feel like it…what’s with the inquisition?” I challenge in a biting tone. I don’t explain myself to anyone, unless their name is Tamra Crawford.

I don’t miss the less-than-pleased tone in his voice, and suddenly I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Eric’s jaw muscles start pulsing, and he rises slowly from the bed. I lift my chin in defiance, and he stops right in front of me. “Because I want to know, that’s why,” he snaps back, and I roll my eyes.

 “We’re going to the bar on Superior.”

“You’re leaving the compound?”

“Yes…. but we’re not going far…”

“Again, how long will you be gone? When are you coming back?” he demands in a low tone.

“I don’t…I don’t know, Eric. We’re just going to have a few drinks and come back. It’s not a big deal…”

“Actually, Jade it is.”

The ferocity in his voice makes me jump slightly, though I really don’t understand why he’s so pissed. “There’s a lot of factionless that roam around at night, Jade, and it’s not that safe,” he finally states.

“Yes, but we’re Dauntless women, and it’s a bunch of us going, so it’s not like I’ll be by myself…” I trail off, and shake my head in confusion. Why am I doing this? It’s not like I have to explain myself to him, or get his permission to go.

The look on Eric’s face is like ice and fire at the same time, and I know I need to choose my words carefully. I try to appear casual, by looking away for a moment, pretending to inspect the hem of my shirt.

“Leah, Rachel, Samantha and I are going to that bar on the corner of Superior and Michigan. It’s less than fifteen minutes away, and I do have to work tomorrow, so I won’t be out terribly late, but I will be out late. Satisfied?”

The look on Eric’s face darkens, but for some reason, my annoyance falls away, and I suddenly feel amused. I arch my brow at him with a smile, and he narrows his eyes and moves closer so that he’s slightly grazing my arms. I’m 5’10, but Eric is 6’3 and still towers over me. I stare up at him with a mocking expression, and the air charges between us. My playful grin widens, and Eric inhales sharply.

“No, I’m not. Not even a little.”

“Sucks to be you, then.”

“I obviously don’t want you to go, Jade.”

“Why?”

Eric’s pupils widen, as he roves his eyes over my body, making me shiver. “Because I had other things in mind tonight…and you didn’t tell me beforehand,” he says in a husky voice, as he glares down at me. The smirk drains as a flash of annoyance crosses my face. He’s acting like I answer to him, that I’m expected to get his permission. I’ve never done that with any guy, and I won’t start with Eric. I better straighten this out right now.

“Ahh…there seems to be a slight misunderstanding here, Eric. I do not answer to you, and I will come and go as I damn well please. I do not have to give you a play-by-play of my every move, which I suspect you already know anyway, with whatever method you’ve chosen. I’m going out with my friends tonight, and I will not hear another word about it. Okay?”

We face off in a heated gaze, and Eric’s nostril flare in rage. I quickly decide I’m not in the mood to argue about this, so I continue before he can retort.

“There’s another reason I’m meeting them outside the compound.” I tear my eyes away and look for my phone. Picking it up, I turn back and take a deep breath, with a neutral expression. “I’m going to tell them the truth tonight.” Eric’s glare subsides somewhat, and his expression melts into one I can’t quite decipher. “And which truth is that?” he asks, his eyes boring into me.

“The truth about what’s been going on the last few months, although they’ve probably already figured it out. I owe them an explanation, and I’m going to give it to them.”

Eric doesn’t say anything for a moment, then nods. “What brought about this sudden urge to bare your soul?” My heart starts to hammer in my chest, but I press on before I can stop myself. He’s going to find out eventually, and I’m sick of hiding shit anyway. It’s exhausting.

“I got a call from the hospital today. Ayden has regained consciousness.”

I brace myself for Eric’s reaction, but to my surprise, there’s hardly any. Then it dawns on me. “But I guess you already knew that….” I say slowly, as Eric just continues to gaze with a stony expression. “He works for me, and I’m a Dauntless leader. I’m always aware of what goes on with my soldiers,” he finally states in a flat tone. I narrow my eyes.

“How long have you known?”

“What does it matter?”

“It fucking matters, Eric. When were you planning to tell me?”

“I wasn’t.”

My jaw clenches in a snarl. “You weren’t,” I repeat through gritted teeth. Eric’s own eyes narrow as he leans forward. “No, Jade, I wasn’t. That’s not my responsibility, and if you were so fucking eager for information, you could’ve called the hospital your fucking self, but you didn’t. You haven’t called once, as a matter of fact, since he’s been in there. I’m not really keen on discussing your ex anyway,” he growls right back. I take a deep breath.

“He’s not my ‘ex’ yet, Eric. We haven’t had that discussion.”

I can almost see the ice forming in Eric’s expression. He shakes his head, his disgust apparent. “Oh, so we’re back to this fucking shit now? You seriously think I’m going to-“ I cut him off before he can finish his sentence.

“Would you please shut the fuck up and stop threatening me long enough to hear me out?!” I practically yell. Eric clenches his jaw, but stops talking. I sigh and push his shoulders down to sit on my bed. “Look, Eric,” I begin, calmly this time.

“He’s not technically my ‘ex’ yet, because I haven’t had a chance to do things the right way. I cannot tell a man that just came out of a coma that I’m breaking our engagement…which I intend to do, when the time is right.” I close my eyes for a moment, and then take both sides of Eric’s face as he stays silent. I gaze at him imploringly, willing myself to keep going.

“I also don’t like to admit this, but you were right. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if it’s you, but I know it’s _not_ getting married, to him or anyone. I don’t know where I belong right now, and I’m just trying to catch my breath from everything that’s happened. All I ask, is that you give me a little time to do that. I’m not ‘running away’ or whatever it is you think I’m trying to do.”

Eric keeps his icy stare on me, then wraps his arms around my waist. “You belong with _me_ , Jade. You always have,” he whispers, and I feel my heart pang. “Eric,” I plead in a whisper. “I think it’s obvious that I don’t belong with him or _anyone_ right now. Not until I figure my shit out.” I touch my forehead to his, and sigh.

“There is only one innocent person in this whole thing, that didn’t deserve any of this. I need to end things with him the right way.” I pull back and search his face. “Ever since the beginning, everything has been on your terms. This is one time I need you to let me do things on mine. Can you please at least give me that?”

We don’t speak for a minute, neither of us willing to look away, or concede. Finally, Eric breaks the silence. “I already told you once, Jade. I’m not a patient man, and I’m tired of this little charade. I’m not going to pretend anymore, or-“

I cut him off by kissing him soundly. “I don’t want you to, Eric. I just need to be able to sleep at night again. Okay?”

Eric looks away for a moment, then his cool, business-like mask is in place. “I’ll give you time…but not much Jade. Don’t drag this shit out. I’m sick of waiting. Get it over with….” He commands. He slowly comes to his feet. Giving me one last pointed look, he grabs his jacket and heads for the door. As he grasps the handle, he stops but doesn’t turn.

“I once told you, Jade. You could end it with him on your own, or I would do it for you. I suggest you take that seriously. It hasn’t changed.”

Eric opens the door and leaves without another word. I run a hand over my hair, shaking my head ruefully. Of course I take whatever he says seriously. I’ve quickly come to realize, that there is no such thing as an empty threat when Eric is on a mission.

Right now, his mission is me.

* * *

 

“So Rachel and Sam are going to meet us there?” Leah asks as we make our way through the underground tunnel. Since it started to rain, we decided to take the old Subway path. “Yeah. Ashley said she was coming, she just needed to rest for a little bit first. She thinks she’s coming down with the flu.”

We hurry up the stairs. The wind whips through our hair as we stay to the side, trying to avoid the rain. We quickly get inside, and see that it’s nearly empty, to my relief. It’s a Dauntless bar, as it’s in our section of the city. There are a few guys shooting pool and drinking beer, and a few playing darts, but only a handful of people here.

I sigh gratefully and sink down into my barstool. An older, tattooed Dauntless woman with flaming red hair sets two coasters in front of us. “What’ll it be, ladies?” she asks in a raspy voice. “Whatever you have on draft.” “Same,” Leah echoes and sheds her jacket. The bartender returns a minute later, setting two tall, frothy glasses in front of us. I take a sip and sigh.

“That hits the spot.”

“Yeah, it does,” Leah agrees as she smacks her lips. She turns and looks around. “It’s pretty dead in here tonight.” she shrugs. “I bet its dead everywhere, though. It’s a shit night, the kind where you just curl up in bed.” I nod in agreement. “Yeah, but I needed to get out of my place for a little bit. It seems like all I do is work, lately.” I take another sip of my beer. Leah bites back her smile, and takes another sip.

“Well…you have been …busy…lately.”

I purse my lips at her in a mocking scowl. Just then, the door blows open, and a gust of rain chases behind Rachel and Samantha. We wave to them from our seats, and they make their way over. “What a shitty night,” Rachel exclaims as she sits down beside me. He bright auburn hair is slightly damp, and both appear out of breath. Samantha follows suit, and bangs her hand on the bar. “I desperately need a beer,” she groans. We make small talk as they wait to get their drinks. A moment later the bartender sets it in front of her, and she gulps half of it. “That’s better,” she says with a satisfying smack of her lips. I just grin and shake my head. Just then, my phone shakes with a text. Ashley.

-Still feeling shitty. Raincheck?

-Yeah, no problem. Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.

“That was Ashley. She’s not feeling well, so it’s just us,” I inform them as I snap my phone closed. Rachel shrugs. “Yeah, she’s been sick the last few days. Throwing up at dinner. She’s been going home early almost every night for a week.” I furrow my brow. Ashley is my assistant. How could I have not noticed she was so sick?

“She seems to be okay at work…”

“Yeah, it’s weird. It’s like she’s on a clock or something. As soon as the sun goes down, her stomach comes up.”

“Shit, I wish I would’ve known. I’d have sent her home early if I knew she was feeling so awful…”

Rachel, Leah and Samantha all glance at each other and smirk. “Well, you _have_ been … distracted…as of late Jade,” Samantha finally says, biting back a knowing smile. I take a deep breath, and the humor drains from her face. “Jade, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that, “ She begins, but I put my hand up to silence her. “It’s okay, Sam. I guess I should get down to why I asked you guys to meet me here tonight. Let’s move to one of the tables.” We pick up our drinks and move to a somewhat secluded area. The other three look at me expectedly, and I take a deep breath. Here goes.

“Guys, I know I have some explaining to do,” I utter softly, feeling guilt pang in my heart. Rachel nods, and brushes a strand of hair from her forehead. “Jade…you don’t ‘owe’ us any explanations…but I am a little hurt you thought you couldn’t tell us,” she states quietly, and I stare at her for a moment. She gives an exasperated sigh, and raises her brow.

“I assume you’re finally going to admit you’ve been sleeping with Eric?”

My mouth opens and closes, as I try to form the right words. “Yes,” I finally whisper, looking away. When I look back at them, I’m relieved I don’t see anger. All of their expressions are neutral. Samantha finally grins. “Jesus, Jade, relax. We’re not judging you. We’re just glad this is finally out in the open. Although I have to agree with Rachel here…” her grin fades somewhat, “…that I’m hurt you thought you couldn’t tell us. What did you think we were going to do? Shun you? Give you a lecture like some Abnegation stiff? We’re Dauntless…shit like this is kind of what we do,” she laughs, and I can’t help but grin. I shake my head, and sigh.

“I wanted to tell you, I really did. I just kind of don’t really understand it myself, and I thought it would blow over but it didn’t. I’ve just felt so guilty and ashamed, I didn’t really know how to handle things…” my voice starts to shake with unshed tears, and all three of their faces immediately take on a sympathetic tone. “Jade…” Rachel begins softly, as I try not to cry. I look at her with teary eyes, and she shakes her head slightly.

“Like I said, you don’t owe us any explanations, but you obviously need to get this off your chest, so go ahead. Spill.”

I exhale loudly, and shrug. “Well, I guess I should just start from the top, then….” They sit enraptured, as I describe my affair with Eric, sparing no details. I tell them everything. The first night at Amity, how it snowballed from there, culminating in the dramatic event, the night I left. I describe how since Ayden has been away and since he got hurt, Eric and I have been together every almost every night. After I finish, I gaze at them nervously.

Rachel just nods thoughtfully. “You know Jade, I have to admit. I know you feel bad about cheating on Ayden, but I really don’t think you should be so hard on yourself. I think it probably would’ve happened anyway, whether it was with Eric or someone else,” she states. I shake my head in confusion.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because…and I’m just giving some outside perspective here…you and Ayden don’t really fit. He’s a great guy, and he’d be a good husband, but you and him don’t really make sense together. However…..” she trails off, and Samantha finishes for her.

“I agree…you and Ayden don’t make sense…but you and Eric do. He’s the only guy, in all the time I’ve known you, that has ever been able to hold your attention. So now, I guess the question is, what are you going to do about Ayden? Are you and Eric going to be together, or?....”

Sighing, I take a swig of my beer. “No, Eric and I are not together. I think it’s safe to say I have some commitment issues,” I laugh, and the other three chuckle. “And I don’t think it can be fixed with Ayden either. Even if he never finds out about Eric, I don’t think I could live with the guilt of what I’ve done.” Leah nods thoughtfully. “So you’re going to end it with Ayden?” I nod and look up from my beer.

“Yes…when the time is right.”

“When do you think that will that be?”

“Fairly soon. I got a call from Erudite today, and he’s actually awake. I’m going to see him in a few days.”

I run a hand over my hair. “But I’m not going to tell a guy that just came out of a coma that I’m breaking up with him. As soon as I think it’s the right time, I’m going to make things right.” Leah shakes her head and purses her lips.

“I may seem callous here, but do you really want to drag it out like this? It may be better to just rip the band aid off and get it over with…besides, Eric probably won’t-“ I cut her off mid-sentence. “Here’s the thing. Eric and I are not together, and he has no say in what I do. I really don’t give a shit what Eric has a problem with and what he doesn’t. I’ve already made it clear that I’m going to do this my way.” I keep a firm gaze, and Leah holds her hands up in mock surrender. “Okay… so that’s that, then.” She grins, and my face slowly breaks out in a smile. Just then, her phone beeps and she glances at it and blushes. I raise my brow at her inquisitively.

“who’s got you blushing like that?”

“What? I don’t blush. It’s nothing…”

“That doesn’t look like ‘nothing’….

With a mischievous smile, I reach out and snatch her phone before she can stop me, ignoring her protests. I look down at the text, and my jaw drops. “Should’ve told me, I would’ve met you out there,” I read aloud, and look up. “Brady?” Leah face reddens even more, to my amusement. “Looks like I’m not the only one holding out on their friends!” I exclaim, as we burst into a fit of giggles.

“Is this a thing?”

“No it is not a ‘thing’. Ever since the other night, we’ve been texting back and forth, but that’s it.”

“Are you into him?”

“He’s hot as hell and seems like a nice guy, but I don’t know how to read him yet.”

Something occurs to me, and I cock my head to the side.

"When's the last time you got laid?" I ask, and she groans.

"Not since before initiation."

"Shut the fuck up! What the hell?"

"I know, I know. No one really interests me right now, I guess.....other than...."

"Other than Brady?" I say with a wink, and she blushes.

I bang my hand on the table. “What else have I missed?” The girls all roll their eyes and giggle. “Quite a bit, Jade,” Samantha says.

For the rest of the night, we drink, laugh, and talk. For the first time in months, I start to relax, and feel like myself again. Before Eric, before Ayden, before my whole world got flipped upside down. I mentally kick myself for not trusting in my friends more, and wish I’d came clean sooner.

It’s nice to have a little light at the end of the tunnel.

* * *

 

A few days later, the wind whips my hair behind me as I ride the train to the Erudite sector. When the hospital called to inform me that Ayden was strong enough to receive visitors, I didn’t go right away. I needed time to think, to figure out how I was going to look him in the eye, knowing that I was going to eventually break his heart. I know this is something I have to do though, regardless of how hard it’s going to be.

I jump off the train, and stride toward the main entrance. As the security scanner roves over me, I feel my palms start to sweat. I’m a nervous wreck, and I don’t know what to expect from this visit. I should be happy that he’s finally awake, but all I feel is a sense of dread. My mom had offered to come with me, but for some reason, I feel that I needed to do this alone.

I walk to the reception desk, where the same girl from last time is sitting. Her eyes widen when she sees me, and immediately sits up straight. I keep my face impassive as I bite back an amused smirk. “Patient information…please,” I ask as she practically jumps to the computer.

“Patient name?”

“Ayden Sawyer.”

“Room 312, second floor in the TRU….oh, I’m sorry…Trauma Recovery Unit.”

“Thank you.”

I roll my eyes once I turn away from her, and press the button for the elevator. As the car carries me to Ayden’s floor, my heart starts to pound. I look down at my left hand, where Ayden’s ring feels like a ball and chain on my finger. It’s the first time I’ve worn it in the almost month he got hurt. When the doors finally open, I fight the sudden urge to just press the button and go back to Dauntless. “Pull yourself together,” I mutter under my breath, and force my feet forward. This is going to happen eventually, and I can’t run from Ayden forever.

I check in at the nurses station, and they advise me to sit while they check to see if he’s awake. I knit my fingers together, resisting the urge to bite my nails to the quick. Why am I so nervous? Why do I have this awful feeling? Calm the fuck down, I sternly command myself. Finally, the nurse comes back and gives me a kind smile.

“You can go in now, Ms. Crawford.”

Shaking off my bad feelings, I slowly rise and stride toward Ayden’s door. Closing my eyes, I knock softly. “Come in,” Ayden’s voice calls hoarsely. Guilt pierces my heart, as I close my eyes for a moment. Taking a deep breath, I open the door and force my feet forward. My breath catches at the sight of him.

Ayden is sitting up, but lying back against the pillows. He’s lost some muscle mass in his upper torso, and he’s very pale. But there’s also something different, that isn’t physical. He doesn’t look at me right away, and there’s a coldness in the room that has nothing to do with the temperature. Finally, he turns his head to look at me, and there’s a hardness in his face I’ve never seen before.

 “Jade….” He whispers, and a small smile pulls at his lips.

My heart feels like it’s cracked open completely, as I slowly walk to his side. “Hey…” I whisper, my eyes filling with tears. He searches my face for a moment, then reaches out and pulls me down to him. “Hey baby…..” he whispers back as he strokes my hair, as I sob into his shoulder. After what feels like eternity, I finally pick my head up and gaze at him with a tearstained face.

“Ayden…I’m so….I…I’m sorry I’m at a loss for words right now,” I stutter, wiping my eyes. Ayden’s hazel eyes seem to pierce into me, making me shiver. “yeah, I know. I’m surprised I made it to,” he finally states, and I try to shake off my confusion. Settling beside him, I take his hand and press it between both of mine. “It’s so good to see you,” I whisper, and he just nods. Something is off, and I can sense the underlying tension between us.

Something is very wrong.

Ayden continues to almost glare at me, not saying a word. “Are you in a lot of pain? Should I come back later?” I finally ask, and an almost cold, amused smirk crosses his face. “Nah, Jade. I guess I’m just surprised to see you here, is all,” he all but snaps. I shake my head in confusion.

“Why would you be surprised?”

Ayden tilts his head toward the ceiling, closing his eyes for a moment. “Forget it,” he says. He looks at me after a moment, and pulling his hand away. He settles it on his stomach. “I just thought you’d be busy is all…” he trails off, turning his head to stare at the wall. “Ayden…if this isn’t a good time, I can come back…” I reach my hand out to stroke his hair, and he catches it in his, startling me. He slowly lowers my hand, to look at my engagement ring. “Wow…” he says with mock surprise, “You’re still wearing this?” Shock explodes across my face as he gives me a hard stare. “Of-of course I’m still wearing it….” I stammer. Why is he so angry? Ayden’s eyes narrow almost to slits.

“I’m just surprised Eric doesn’t have a problem with that,” he seethes.

Time seems to freeze for a moment, as all the blood drains from my face. It’s a good thing I’m already sitting down, because I suddenly feel like I might pass out. “Eric? What are you talking about? Ayden, what is…” I can’t finish as Ayden’s eyes blaze with sudden fury. He sits up and levels me with a lethal glare, making me shrink back into my chair.

“You know something, Jade? I thought I could do this. When the nurses told me you were here to visit, I promised myself I was not going to fly off the handle. I promised myself I was not going to get worked up, that I would confront you when the time is right, but you know what? I can’t do it. I can’t sit here and pretend like nothing has happened, and I cannot sit here and pretend that you waltzing your ass in here, thinking I don’t’ know what you’ve been up to and with who, doesn’t make me want to put my fist through your lying fucking face!” he roars.

For once in my life, I’m rendered completely speechless. Ayden sneers as he shakes his head in total disgust. “What, Jade? You have nothing…nothing…to say? Does your mouth not work without Eric’s dick in it?” he taunts. My eyes widen in disbelief.

“Ayden, what are you talking about? What are you -“

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, save it Jade. Let me ask you something; do you think that because I was born Dauntless and not Erudite, that I’m just a complete fucking moron, incapable of figuring things out? You should’ve known better. For instance, do you remember how good I was at puzzles growing up? How good I was at piecing things together? Want to know the latest puzzle I solved?”

Like a trapped animal, all I can do is stare at him wide-eyed as he takes a deep breath.

“For the last few weeks before my accident, I’d been trying to figure out what was wrong between us. I tried to get it out of you, I tried to make you talk to me, but you wouldn’t open your fucking mouth. As a last ditch effort, I surprised you by coming home for a night. Not only was it obvious that you didn’t want me there, but you were hiding something. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that you were hiding _me._ Want to know how I figured it out?” he bites.

I feel my tears start to form, but I lift my chin. He knows. There’s no point in denying anything, no point in trying to defend something that’s indefensible. I resolve not to say anything, and let him say his peace. I will not rob him of giving me what I absolutely deserve. Bracing myself, I keep my face stoic as he continues.

“After I got on the train that morning, I needed a smoke. When I pulled out my cigarettes, I found that I had two packs in my jacket. Only, one of them wasn’t mine. At first, I thought I had just had an extra pack. But then, I realized I’d grabbed one of them from your balcony thinking they were mine. I thought nothing of it at first, until I realized these are cigarettes I don’t smoke. So tell me, Jade. Did you all of a sudden start smoking? Because you’ve hated it since we were kids, as far back as I remember,” he demands.

Holy shit….Ayden picked up Eric’s cigarettes…

Seeing that I realize I’m busted, a furious expression crosses his expression. “So then I got to thinking. When I was on your balcony that night, I had to empty your ashtray. It wasn’t later until I realized, there shouldn’t have been any fucking ashes to empty, if I hadn’t been there. So tell me Jade…who the fuck was there, that does smoke these particular cigarettes? Because they’re only available to fucking council leaders!” he yells.

"So, that leads me to my next clue: which leader on the council was in your apartment, and judging by the number of cigarette butts, had been for a while? Hmm….” He spits sarcastically, his face almost in a grotesque twist. “That’s when it made sense. Eric being so pissed off that I came home unexpectedly, when others had done it before with no issue, and, I couldn’t help but notice he smokes the exact same cigarettes I found in your apartment!” Ayden fixes steely eyes on me, waiting for my response.

“Ayden, please just give me a chance to explain...."

"I'm listening, Jade. Go ahead. Explain what that was doing in your apartment, when I hadn’t been there in a month.” 

I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. Ayden’s fury seems to radiate out of every fiber of his being. He sits up and I feels his hatred almost like a physical force. He gives me a disgusted look, shaking his head. 

“Just for once, cut the fucking bullshit and tell me the Goddamn truth. You’re already busted, Jade. As much as you’d like to think I am, I’m not a fucking idiot, so don’t you dare treat me like one!"

Tears are streaming down my face in earnest. I feel my heart in my ears.

Ayden gives a chilling laugh, one that pierces through my soul. “Oh, look at this,” he mocks. “Big, badass dauntless warrior that is Jade Crawford is actually crying like a hippie. Who knew such a cold bitch can actually feel something,” he seethes.

“Ayden, I never meant to.....to....."

"Never meant to what? Spread your fucking legs every time I left the compound? Betray me on an unimaginable level? What? Go ahead, Jade explain away!"

He puts his face an inch from mine.

"EXXXPLAAIINN!" He roars at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing off the walls. You could hear a pin drop right now, as all activity outside of Ayden’s hospital room has gone eerily silent. I shake my head, knowing there isn’t anything I can really say right now. Ayden scoffs and glares at me reproachfully. He trains his stare on the space ahead of him, forcing himself to calm down.

“You know something, Jade? On second thought, don’t bother. I’m done pretending that I don’t see right through your bullshit. I understand why you didn’t get Candor in your aptitude test, because you can’t tell or face the truth to save your fucking life. I’m not so sure Dauntless was the right choice either, though. You had plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth, and you were too chicken shit. Maybe Erudite would’ve been the best place for you, with all the other cold frigid bitches. I deserve better than you, and you and Eric deserve each other.”

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I slowly come to feet. “Ayden, for what it’s worth, I never wanted to hurt you,” I whisper softly. Ayden doesn’t look at me, just keeps staring at the wall. “I know you don’t believe this, but I am sorry, and you’re right about everything. There’s nothing I can say to make this right, and I know that….” I stop as Ayden whips his eyes to me.

“Shut the fuck up, Jade. I don’t want to hear it. _Not from a whore_. Now get out of my sight.”

As our eyes remain locked, the realization that it’s truly over washes over me. It was not my intention for it to happen this way, but it did. I know I can’t go back, and what’s done is done. The best thing I can do right now, is honor his wishes. I slowly turn on my heel and make my way toward the door. Before I get there, I stop and turn back around. Ayden’s chest is rising and falling, and his eyes are closed. Thinking Id already left, he let his angry expression go, and one of anguish is in it’s place. He opens his eyes and stares blankly as I walk toward him slowly. With tears streaming down my face, I reach down and pull my ring off my finger. I set it down on the table beside him, then leave the room without another word.

As I make my way out of Erudite, I suddenly feel lighter than air. As I break into a sprint to catch the train, I feel like a thousand pound weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. As I pull myself into the train car, I’m glad to see that I’m alone on the car. All of a sudden, I smile through my tears. I didn’t want things to happen this way, but they did. I know what I did was wrong, that Ayden deserves better. I deserved to broken up with, and I deserve how he did it. While I’m upset things ended the way they did, I don’t feel sad or depressed.

I finally feel free.

* * *

 

I went straight home after I returned from Erudite, overwhelmed with everything that happened today. I decided I was going to tell everyone what happened tomorrow, as I just want to go to bed and sleep this whole horrible day away. A few hours later, I feel myself come out of my slumber as a strange sensation is washing over my lower body. I think I feel......kisses? On my ankle, then up my shin. I must be dreaming. Im too tired to open my eyes, so I will myself to go back to sleep. Then, I feel hands on my thighs, and my eyes flutter open. I blink several times, as I feel kisses on my thighs and hands on my hips. I look down and startle awake.

Eric is here.

My breath becomes labored as Eric slowly kisses my thighs and hooks his fingers into the lace of my panties, drawing them slowly off and down my legs, eventually discarding them by the side of the bed. He positions himself between my legs and kisses my stomach and abdomen, while he hooks his arms under my thighs, placing his hands on my breasts and stomach.

I start to sit up, but he holds me in place firmly......then I close my eyes gasping as I feel his tongue. The sensation sends shivers that ripple all the way from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. My back arches uncontrollably, and my legs wrap around his neck and shoulders involuntarily. He strokes and strokes, caressing my breasts and running his hands over my thighs and stomach. I grip the bed sheets as my eyes roll back in my head, and feel the pressure building and building........

A few minutes later, I come so hard, I feel like someone took me to the top of the Hancock building and then pushed me off. Eric slowly kisses up my stomach, chest, throat, chin, then finally my mouth, the evidence of my arousal and his victory still moist on his lips. He laces his palms with mine, pressing them down by my head. It's dark, so I can't see his eyes, but every fiber of my being tingles as he whispers in my ear roughly "My turn." I gasp, then moan as he enters me quickly and starts to move. He releases my palms as he braces himself on his forearms and winds his hands into my hair. I wrap my legs around his waist and claw at his back as he quickens the tempo, making the pressure build again. We nearly consume each other, our tongues tangling wildly.

As we both get close to our release, Eric pulls me into a sitting position with him. I grab the back of his head and neck as he rocks into me. All of a sudden, I don't know what comes over me. With strength I didn't know I had, I push his shoulders down to the bed, straddling him. He's too surprised to resist. I place my hands on his chest to steady myself, then twist and rock my hips as I take the full length of him into me. Eric hisses and massages my breast as I move over him, and I run both hands through my hair, lifting it off of my neck as I move. I feel my muscles start to quicken again, and he feels it to.

"Come for me Jade, come on," he growls through gritted teeth.

My body responds to his words and shatters into a million pieces again. Eric finds his release at the exact same time, and I feel the results of both of our pleasures dripping down my thighs. He grips my thighs and throws his head back with his eyes closed. A low, guttural cry escapes from deep within his chest, and he sinks back into the bed.

As I move off of him, Eric pulls me back down. To his surprise, I don’t try to resist. I’m through feeling guilty about what comes naturally to me, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, this feels natural. I rest my head on Eric’s chest, and he strokes my hair lightly. We curl our bodies around each other’s, settling in the realization that things are going to be different now. Laying in silence for a few minutes, Eric tips my face to his.

“You won’t regret this, Jade. It’s the way it’s supposed to be,” he whispers.

I don’t ask what he means, as I already know. I’m sure whatever source he has at his disposal has already informed him of what happened at the hospital. I don’t respond, just kiss his jaw lightly. I settle back down into the crook of his shoulder, feeling my exhaustion overtake me.

For both of our sakes, I hope he’s right.

 


	16. Marked Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade holds her own with Jeanine in a meeting, and her first public appearance with Eric (sort of). Just when you think Eric and Jade have taken a step forward, they've actually taken two steps back. Language and light smut. Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

“Holy shit, Jade. Wow…” Leah stares at me in approval. Fidgeting, I smooth the hem of my dress down while anxiously inspecting my reflection in the mirror. My eyes whip to Leah’s.

 “Is it too revealing? Is it okay for business lunch?”

“You think I’d let you wear it if it was? You’re not a stiff or an Erudite. You don’t have to be buttoned up or in rags…you look perfectly professional and _Dauntless_.”

 I smile at Leah gratefully. “You have really outdone yourself this time Leah. I can’t thank you enough.” Leah shrugs with a smirk. “Well, when my muse is gorgeous to begin with, I could put a burlap sack on you and it would still be amazing. But I _will_ give myself kudos on this one. You look unreal in that….”

 I turn back towards the mirror with a sigh, still not believing that’s me staring back. My dress is a long sleeved, high neckline, form-fitting black that sheaths my figure completely. It has garnet and onyx beading around the waist, giving me an hourglass shaped appearance. The high hemline shows off my legs, which look even longer this way. My blonde hair falls in shiny, sleek layers around my shoulders, giving my head the appearance of spun gold. I look at Leah, whom is scrutinizing her handiwork. I raise my brow at her.

 “What?”

“The dress is amazing, but I’m not feeling those shoes.”

“Why?”

“That dress is too short for stilletos…Oh, hold on, I’ve got it….”

 She disappears into her closet, and returns a moment later with a pair of sleek, smooth high-heeled knee-length boots. “Try these instead….” She instructs, and I dutifully slide into them. “Perfect…” she purrs in a satisfied tone, and my eyes light up when I glance in the mirror. I’m 5’10, almost what some consider freakishly tall for a woman, but for the first time in my life I’m not all that self-conscious about it. I actually feel pretty.

 Leah was right, the boots look better. They draw a lot... _a lot_ … of attention to my already long legs, but for the first time, I think I’ll actually enjoy showing them off. I know Eric will probably approve as well. I bite back a smile, as Leah grins.

 “Eric is going to be mad at you for wearing that you know,” she teases in a saucy manner, and I look up. “Well, if I gave a shit, why would he be mad?” Leah laughs and winks suggestively.

“Because this is supposed to be a business function, and he’ll be distracted the whole time. All he’ll be able to think of, is taking you in the bathroom and raising up your hemline.”

“Leah!”

“Jade!”

I grin while shaking my head, trying to hide my telltale blush. Leah giggles and sinks down onto her sofa. “How are things in that aspect, anyway?” she inquires casually, and I shrug. “Nothing different, really,” I try to respond as lightly as I can. Leah purses her lips and lets her eyes pierce me. “Really,” she echoes and I give her a look. “Why do you ask,” I demand in a low, warning tone with a smile. She finally sighs and shrugs.

 “I just thought now that you’re… free of other obligations…something might’ve changed.”

“Well, it hasn’t, and won’t for a while.”

“Will it eventually?”

“I can’t even begin to guess, Leah. I’m still trying to figure out which way is up.”

Ever since Ayden and I ended things for good, I’ve tried to give myself a little time to process and adjust, thinking I just needed a little space. Eric won’t have it though. He still shows up at my apartment late at night, and I often wake up to arms being wrapped around me. That eventually leads to our mouths on each other, then our bodies connecting, all without saying a word. I’ve been with Eric almost every night since the breakup, and we’ve even had dinner together again, though not in the compound. Our involvement is still somewhat hidden, though there really isn’t a reason to be any longer. I’m just not ready to take that step with him.

 As if reading my mind, Leah nods and gives a wry smile. “So what exactly is the holdup?” she asks, and I roll my eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I just broke up with my now ex-fiancé…that I betrayed horribly, lied to, cheated on, and I still feel guilty as fuck about everything I’ve done. Maybe it’s because I absolutely cannot fathom the idea of being with _anyone_ right now after all that, and certainly not with Eric-fucking-Coulter of all people. That might play a factor in there somewhere, I don’t know,” I answer sardonically, feeling my chest tighten. Before she can probe any further, I decide to turn the tables on her. With a wicked smile, I tip my chin up at her.

 “So speaking of holdups, what’s the latest with you and Brady? Please tell me you’ve finally hit that…”

I grin at her victoriously, as she turns the color of her shirt; blood red. She immediately rises, smoothing her black skirt as she purposely avoids my eye. “That is _not_ a thing,” she says firmly, glancing around for her purse. Satisfied I’ve successfully dodged any further inquisition about Eric, I decide to keep going.

 “Just why the hell not? You’re obviously into him…”

“I barely know him, Jade. Like I said, he’s hard to read….”

“What’s to read? What’s so difficult to figure out?”

Leah finally locates her sketchbook and phone, and turns to me with a sigh. “Because the only time we’ve ever spent together, he was not there by his choice. He was ordered to. He hasn’t asked me out or done anything other than text me occasionally, so I don’t think _he’s_ all that into _me_. I refuse to embarrass myself by chasing a guy that is clearly not interested. He’s had plenty of opportunities, and he’s never taken even one. So there’s my answer. It’s okay, Jade. I came from Candor, remember? I of all people know the truth isn’t always pretty or what we want it to be. It’s cool.” She motions toward the door. “Well we gotta go, you have to meet Max and everyone in the Pit, and I have to catch the train to Candor.” I glance at the clock, and see that she’s right.

As we make our way through the Pit, I decide to change the subject, as I can tell I may have touched a nerve. “Why are you going to Candor?” I ask as we near the train yard. Leah perks up and takes a deep breath.

“There were some council meetings here the other day, and some of the female Candor leaders happened to walk by the shop. They loved my designs, and wanted to know if I could make some things for them, only more Candor appropriate. Max was standing there and answered for me, so I couldn’t really say no, not that I would anyway. I’m going to meet with a few of them, to get measurements and show some of the sketches I created.”

“Oh shit, Leah that’s great!”

“yeah, I’m pretty excited. It seems like I’m getting a real shot to do what I came to Dauntless to do, even if it’s not exactly what we’re known for.”

“What we’re known for, is drinking, fucking and fighting. So far the only the only one of those you’ve completed is drinking.”

Leah pokes my arm as we burst into a fit of giggles. “So what am I supposed to do? Just go up to the first guy I see in Dauntless and fall over with my legs in the air? Jesus, Jade….” I can’t help but grin, as we near the tunnel. “Well don’t be too picky. You might forget how to use it if you wait too long.” She raises her brow and licks her lips. “Well, I could certainly ask you if I need a reminder. You seem to be ‘occupied’ every chance you get.” My jaw drops, and I pretend to be shocked. 

“Touché, lady. Words hurt you know…”

“Maybe for someone with feelings.”

“That’s just mean…”

We’re still giggling, as we walk outside to the main entrance. It’s a bright, crisp spring day and the sun is reflecting off the abandoned skyscrapers. There are a few patrol guards preparing to make their rounds, and few waiting for the train. I turn and see Scott, a Dauntless-born I grew up with smiling at us as his eye lingers on Leah. “Hello ladies,” he says smoothly as he casually makes his way over. “Hey Scott,” I greet in return. Leah gives him a pretty smile as he stops right by us. “Where are you all headed to today? You both look very pretty.” He addresses both of us, but his eye remains on Leah. I bite back a smile as she blushes slightly. “Thank you,” she whispers.

Just then, I see Eric, Max, Cameron, and Brady come out of the tunnel, heading to the waiting vehicles. I’m suddenly struck by inspiration as I see Brady’s expression harden at the sight of Scott flirting with Leah. His jaw is clenched, and I can almost feel the territorial vibe radiating our way. I turn back to Scott with a smile. Perhaps Brady needs to see that if he won’t make a move, someone else will.

“Actually, it’s probably a lucky coincidence we ran into you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, I have to go to a meeting at Erudite, and Leah here has business at Candor. You patrol that section near the courthouse, right? Maybe you could give her a lift so she doesn’t have to jump on the train in that skirt….”

Scott’s smile widens, as he nods enthusiastically. “Absolutely….” He agrees as he winks at Leah. She blushes even more and shrugs. “If it’s not too much trouble…” she starts and he immediately shakes his head. “No trouble at all. We’re basically going to the same place. It’d be my pleasure…” He gestures toward the car. Leah smiles and follows him. “Okay then…thanks.” She glances at me, and I feign innocence. “I’ll see you later….let me know how it goes…” Scott opens her door for her, and she slides into the passenger seat.

Stifling my laughter, I wave them off as I walk over to meet the other leaders. Brady looks like he’s about to combust. “What’s going on over there,” he says tersely, not bothering to greet me. Biting back my smile, I shrug nonchalantly. “Leah has business at Candor today, and Scott was kind enough to offer her a ride. That’s all, as far as I know….why do you ask?” Smiling sweetly, I raise my brow in anticipation of an answer. Brady glances at me in irritation, and I can no longer hold back my grin. Brady inhales sharply without saying anything, and I can’t help myself.

“Jesus Christ, man, sack up. She’s hot, she’s new, and if you won’t do something about that, you can’t blame someone else that will.”

I don’t wait for a response, and turn to the others. Max and Cameron are smirking in amusement, but Eric has an almost stern air about him. He doesn’t even look at me, and it’s almost like he’s pissed. Baffled, I decide to ignore it until I can address it later. “All set for this?” Max asks me and I nod.

“Yes sir…though I still don’t know she wants me there.”

“Your guess is as good as mine. Jeanine isn’t big on explaining herself.”

“Well, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be then, I guess.”

The black Dauntless utility vehicles pull up at that moment, and I glance at Eric. He still won’t look at me, and hasn’t said a word since I got there. Just as I’m about to slide in through the opened passenger door, Eric lightly grips my arm.

"You won’t get away with this, you know.”

“I won’t get away with what?”

“Don’t you play dumb with me…you know exactly what you’re doing.”

I shake my head in bewilderment, as Eric finally cracks a small smile and leans into my ear. "I really like those boots on you," he whispers roughly. “And where I should be focusing on business, I’ll be able to think of nothing but what they look like stretched up near your ears later…while still wearing that dress.” He licks his lips salaciously and I giggle. “Sorry Eric,” I say as I slide into the back of the vehicle.

“Guess you’ll just have to suffer.”

* * *

_Why the fuck am I here_ , I think to myself as I sit at the table, listening to Jeanine drone on about God-knows-what. All we’ve discussed so far is Council business, that has nothing to do with me, and nothing I have a say in. I glance around me, and notice that the only other faction Ambassador here besides me is Rex, the Erudite Ambassador. The only factions here are Dauntless and Erudite. Why not any of the others, if it concerns society as a whole? It’s puzzling.

Just then, I look up and Rex’s eyes catch mine. He gives a little wink and I smile in return. I hear Eric’s breath whistle through his teeth, and I can’t help but be amused. My train of thought is broken, as suddenly I hear my name.

“Now on to the next order of business, and the main reason I’ve included the presence of two of our most valuable liaisons, Rex and Jade.”

My eyes snap to hers, and she gives me a cold smile. I fight the urge to shudder visibly. “Being that the two of you are frequently in contact with the other factions, I was hoping to hear some valuable perspective on the increasing Divergent risk in our society.” She addresses both of us, but she’s only looking at me. While I vow not to outright call her views on Divergents stupid, I will give an honest answer while trying not to sound condescending.

"Can I ask what threats you see Divergents could possibly impose on society? It seems as if the last thing they would want, is to go against the grain of their faction,” I inquire slowly, and the table goes silent somewhat, waiting for Jeanine’s reaction. Jeanine’s cold gray eyes bore in to mine, and I can tell she’s not used to someone challenging her. She doesn’t say anything for a moment, just continues to gaze at me.

However, I see that for what it is; an intimidation tactic that’s meant to make me squirm. She’s waiting to see if I’ll retract my question, but I don’t. I meet her stare with my own hardened one, and raise my brow expectedly. After a moment, she clears her throat. 

“Divergents threaten the very structure of our society as a whole. Our founders created the system to ensure peace, so that the past errors of human nature would not repeat themselves this time, completely destroying civilization. History has taught us that human nature is responsible for what almost destroyed the world through war, famine, and disease. Those whom possess multiple traits are a danger, as they cannot be counted on to be loyal to their faction’s credos. They could turn against the ideals and principles that are the glue that holds our society together. Hence, causing more war, famine, and disease. We are all that is left, Ms. Crawford. It is up to us, to ensure that doesn’t happen again.”

Nodding, I continue to meet her gaze. “I guess I’m just baffled, because it seems as though there is no evidence to suggest that Divergents are out to destroy us, that I’ve noticed at least. It’s actually a common belief they’re a myth, as they are so rare. If they’re hiding within their faction, it would appear they have no desire to draw attention to themselves, henceforth, completely adapt to their factions ideals.” I sit back in my chair as the table shifts their eyes back and forth from myself and Jeanine.

Jeanine finally cracks a slightly cold smile, and nods. “Indeed, Ms. Crawford. They’ve successfully managed to avoid detection early, and there are more Divergents in existence than there are accounted for. That’s a problem that needs to be eradicated, and one of the reasons I’ve called this meeting. You seem to be the perfect person to provide insight on that.” I furrow my brow in confusion. “How so?” I inquire curiously.

Jeanine folds her hands in front of her, and addresses the table as a whole, instead of just me this time. “Our statistics show that Divergents are mainly discovered in Dauntless initiation. Where they should be discovered in the aptitude test itself, it seems they are somehow slipping through the cracks of detection. A reason of why needs to be ascertained, and a solution discovered to remedy this potential epidemic.” She turns her eyes back to me.

“Being that you are one of the newest members to go through Dauntless initiation, I would like your input on why you think that is. You’re exposed to mainly Erudite, Candor, and occasionally, the Amity and Abnegation transfer. Suffice to say, some did not choose the faction they were originally touted for, and were discovered in the fear simulations. I’m interested in any possible hypothesis you may come to regarding why there were not discovered in the aptitude test itself.”

I glance at Eric beside me, and I can see his almost glare at Jeanine as she continues to wait for my answer. I mentally debate whether or not to say how I really feel, but this is my time to shine. I decide to say what the most obvious problem is, to me at least, without trying to sound snide. The fact that she hasn’t thought of what I’m about to say is almost laughable. I take a deep breath, and lean forward.

“Well….to be perfectly frank Ms. Matthews, I believe the aptitude test, and the serum that facilitates it, is faulty and needs to be revamped, if more Divergents are to be discovered.”

A deadly silence falls over the table, as Jeanine inhales sharply. She is the one that developed the serum, and I can tell she does not like being thought of as ‘flawed’ in her work…just like Eric and his initiation practices. Ice forms on her face as we face off across the table, and I decide the damage is done, and I won’t back down.

“Just what do you find ‘faulty’ with the serum, Ms. Crawford?” she all but snaps in a chilly tone.

Leaning forward, I set my jaw and vow to keep my stare on her. Time to show this bitch, and the rest of the chauvinistic assholes at this table, that just because I’m a Dauntless woman I’m no fool or idiot.

“The first thing I would mention, is your earlier point of how Divergents are not discovered in aptitude, but rather in Dauntless initiation raises a few key points that should be considered.”

“Such as?”

“You stated your statistics informed you they are mainly discovered in Dauntless initiation. What do statistics provide in regards to the faction origin of the discovered Divergents?

“The ones whom were not discovered in the aptitude test were found to be the Amity and Candor transfers. The Abnegation transfers didn’t really have a number at all, as they rarely transfer to Dauntless.”

I nod in agreement. “I would agree with that. So, to summarize, the divergents were mainly discovered to be of Amity or Candor origin, but not Dauntless born, Abnegation or Erudite. Does your serum take into account that the last three factions I mentioned, are the only ones that go into the aptitude test with a completely clean system?”

Jeanine cocks her head to the side, as her curiosity starts to show. “The only factions with a clean system?” she inquires, and I nod. She nods, motioning me to continue. I take a sip of my water, then cross my hands in front of me.

“As you stated, Candor and Amity occasionally transfer to Dauntless, but are not discovered until Dauntless initiation. Has the reason for why Amity and Candor transfers _specifically_ not being discovered in the aptitude test been taken into account? Not all Amity and Candor children have parents that are faction-born. As you stated, they do not always belong in the faction they chose or even tested positive for, but for some reason they did….and I have a theory of why that is.”

Jeanine is practically salivating at this point, and I can feel Max, Eric, and Cameron all focusing on me intently. “Please, don’t keep us in suspense Ms. Crawford. I’m all ears,” she says eagerly. I smirk, and nod before continuing.

“Unless I’m missing something, the aptitude simulation does not take into account that peace serum is administered in all food that Amity children eat. I recall from faction lessons in school, about how the serum works by stimulating the ventral striatum of the cerebral cortex of the brain. The part that promotes happiness, reward, tranquility, compliance, risk assessment, decision-making, and thoughts of gain, such as compensatory or emotional. When given such stimulation, it’s near impossible to feel any other negative emotion, such as depression, fear, or anxiety.”

Jeanine is openly surprised that I’m speaking the way an Erudite would, and sits in fascinated silence as I continue.

“So I guess the point I’m trying to make here, is that the aptitude serum does not take into account that these emotions they’re meant to invoke, are already suppressed by the peace serum. They’re not afraid of the simulated dog, because they do not feel fear. They simply surmise that he is hungry, and give it something to eat, administering an Amity choice, though that may not have been their reaction without the peace serum. They could also mistake that as not having fear of the dog, so therefore believing they belong in Dauntless because it could be seen as a brave choice not to run. Their brain is already under the influence of a mind-altering serum. So again, unless I’m missing something, how does the aptitude test counteract the peace serum already flowing in their veins, to give a precise, unadulterated result of their true behavioral inclination?”

An almost cold, cruel glee starts to form in Jeanine’s eyes, as they become almost eager. I glance at Eric and Max, and a small smirk forms on Eric’s face as Max nods in approval. I turn back to Jeanine, whose face has cracked a small, cold smile. “A very valid point, Ms. Crawford. One that definitely needs to be considered for the future.” She turns to Rex, whom is rapidly taking notes on his tablet, nodding as she stares. She turns back to me.

“So if I’m understanding you correctly, you would theorize the Amity go into the aptitude while under the influence, therefore tainting their true result. What of your theory on the Candor? How are they possibly affected in the test?”

I take another sip of water, and square my shoulders. “They spend their entire lives being told that honesty is the root of virtue within society, and the truth must be sought at all costs. They also possess a serum, one that makes it impossible to deceive. This can be used for two intentions before the aptitude test. They may take the truth serum, believing it will give them the most honest assessment, therefore suppressing any other urges, convoluting their result. Or, a Candor mother that is not favorable to the thought her child might choose another faction could administer it before the test to ensure a Candor result. When confronted by the man on the train during simulation, it will be impossible for them to lie, therefore producing a Candor response. Though again, that may not have been their natural reaction without the truth serum.” I clear my throat and then continue.

“Going back to my initial statement, Erudite, Dauntless, and Abnegation are not under the influence of a serum at the time of testing. We are the only three factions that are of clean system when undergoing the aptitude exam. As you stated, there are probably more Divergents in society, if they are not in fact as rare as believed, and have not had accurate results or simply beat the system when tested the first time.” I glance around the table, and everyone is listening to me, enrapt.

“So in conclusion, if more Divergents are to be discovered, the serum itself would need to be modified as to counteract the suppression of an intiate’s natural proclivity of certain traits. Or a way to test a Candor or Amity initiate cleanly would need to be developed.”

I sit back in my chair, as Jeanine smiles and nods in approval. “Agreed, Ms. Crawford. I’m very pleased to hear your thoughts on this. You’ve definitely given some very lucid suggestions that will be very seriously considered. It seems we have some work to do before the next aptitude testing.” I nod in agreement, as just then the waiters come out with the food.

After we eat our lunch, baked chicken and vegetables, we chatter idly about other small business matters. Eric turns to me as we prepare to leave, pulling out my chair. To my surprise he leans down and takes my hand, wrapping it around his arm as we make our way to the entrance to wait for our car. I decide not to protest, and stifle my grin as he gives Rex a pointed glare as we leave.

I shake my head at him as we get in the car to head back to Dauntless. Max is sitting across from us, stroking his chin. “You did very well today, Jade. I’m actually impressed. Jeanine wants another meeting with you, next time she’s in Dauntless.” Smiling, I just shrug.

“Thank you sir…though I have to say I’m curious…what is her specific interest in me? I wouldn’t think she’d deem someone in my position worthy of her time, not being a leader and all…”

Max shrugs. “Jeanine values and knows intelligence when she sees it. That’s something that is unfortunately rare in our faction, so I’m sure that’s why her curiosity was raised. She’d like to meet with you next month on her rotation, as a matter of fact, to discuss your theories on Divergent detection further. It’s anyone’s guess with Jeanine, really…”

I decide not to press further, and gaze out the window at passerby. Even though I should be happy about how the meeting went today, I can’t help but feel as if I somehow put something in motion that shouldn’t be. I don’t truly believe divergents are out to destroy us, and I don’t see the benefit of hunting them down, when they’re doing their best to conform. An uneasy, dreadful feeling naggles at me, but I push those thoughts away.

It doesn’t matter. No one close to me is Divergent….that I’m aware of.

* * *

Later that evening, I make my way down to the Pit. I’ve been seeing a lot more of my friends lately, and it feels good to have no more secrets. I spot Leah and Rachel in a carved out corner, and grab a drink and join them. “There she is,” Rachel greets with a smile, and I stand next to them. “Hey guys.” I take a sip of my beer, looking around.

“Where’s Ashley and Samantha?” I ask.

“Samantha is off with Jason tonight, and Ashley is not doing so well.”

“What do you mean?”

“She passed out in a dead faint at HQ today. They took her to the infirmary, then Rob picked her up and took her home.”

I take a deep breath, as my brow furrows. “She’s been really sick lately…do they know what’s wrong with her?” I ask, and Leah shakes her head. “She said she hasn’t been feeling well for a few weeks now. She said it literally comes out of nowhere all of a sudden. She’ll be fine one minute, then violently sick the next. She might have some tests run at Erudite if she doesn’t get better.”

We talk for a while, and I drink more than usual. I start to get pretty buzzed, when All of a sudden I feel eyes on me, and look up. My heart thuds, as I see Eric standing on the second floor with Brady, Sebastian, Logan, and about a half dozen other Dauntless males. The unspoken rule is that no one goes into that section unless they’re a Leader or an assistant leader, as it’s reserved for the upper tier of Dauntless. It’s commonly referred to as ‘The Wolf Den’. I can’t hide my surprise, as Eric never comes to the Pit. Leah and Rachel notice as well.

“Oh wow….the wolf den is fully assembled tonight,” Rachel says with a giggle. I can’t help by notice how Sebastian is letting his eye linger on her, and how Brady is looking at Leah the same way Eric is looking at me. “What the fuck are they doing? Are they just going to stare at us all night?” Leah asks, though she doesn’t really seem to mind. She looks up and her eyes connect with Brady’s and he gives her a slight wink. I laugh at her blush.

“You really think Brady isn’t interested,” I ask, and she shakes her head. “I’m not having this conversation right now…and it may not matter anyway anymore.” I take a sip of my beer. “Oh? Why is that?” Leah shrugs and runs a hand through her hair.

“Because I have a date with Scott.”

“Oh shit…he asked you out? You’re into him?”

“Well, as you said, I better use it before I forget how to, and he seems like just as good a guy as any to break the dry spell.”

“Leah Kane! I am shocked…”

“Really? Because it was your suggestion…”

We burst into laughter, as all of a sudden, I feel a presence behind me. I turn to see Kyle, a guy that’s had a crush on me since we were kids. “Hi Jade,” he greets flirtatiously as he stands next to me. I smile slightly, and not surprisingly, feel Eric’s eyes almost burn into me. I refuse to look at him though. He does not own me, and I can talk to whomever I want to. “Hey Kyle,” I greet. Kyle’s eyes are slightly bloodshot, and I can tell he has a bit of liquid courage running through his veins. He leans closer to me than he needs to, and I lean back slightly.

“It’s good to see you down here, Jade. It seems like no one has seen you forever….”

“yeah, I’ve been a little busy. Work, and some personal issues…”

Kyle eyes me over the brim of his cup, his thoughts clearly conveyed by his salacious look. Unable to resist, I glance up at where Eric was last standing, and he’s not there…I look around, but I don’t see him anywhere. Did he get pissed and leave? Oh well. I deal with the fallout from that later. I turn back to Kyle, who’s now even closer to me. His hand lingers near mine, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

“Yeah, Jade….I heard about Ayden…how’re you holding up?”

“As well as can be expected.”

“Terrible what happened. Is he coming back to Dauntless, or is he…”

“I actually don’t know. He and I are no longer together…”

I don’t miss the flash of a smile that crosses his face, as he tries to conjure up a sympathetic expression. “Oh shit, I’m sorry Jade…I didn’t know. Sorry to hear that….” He whispers, as he leans even closer. I lean back to give myself a little space, and shrug. “It’s okay…it’s probably for the best anyway.” Kyle places his hand on top of mine, and I prepare to have to hurt his feelings if need be. “You know Jade, we’ve known each other forever…I’m always here if you need me, for…whatever…reason,” he whispers, and I decide I better shut this down.

However, I feel Eric’s presence before his cold, chilling voice cuts through. “She’s already covered,” Eric seethes.

I look up to see that the guys have all descended into the Pit, each hovering near us….except for Eric. Completely ignoring Rachel, he fits his massive body next to mine and takes a possessive stance. He trains a lethal glare on Kyle, whom is looking back and forth from Eric to me. Understanding dawns in his eyes, and he hastily stands. “Well, it was good to see you Jade. I actually have to go…take care,” he says hastily, and quickly leaves.

If this were a few weeks ago, I would be mortified. Eric and I have never made our involvement known, and I’ve desperately tried to hide every aspect of it. But I’ve come to realize, that it’s not exactly a secret. As I look around, I expect to see shocked faces, but I don’t. There are a few murmurs, but nothing else. Maybe it’s time to acknowledge that people are more aware of us than I’d hoped.

Maybe I just need to fucking relax about he whole thing.

I purse my lips and shake my head as I watch Kyle’s retreating form. “Oh, I’m sorry….did you want to just piss in a circle around me? Should I tell everyone to back up a little?” I tease as I face him. Eric smirks, and takes a sip of his drink. “Don’t tempt me, I just might,” he mocks, and I just giggle.

“What are you doing here? You’re never in the Pit…”

“I felt like it.”

“You felt like it…any particular reason?”

Eric doesn’t say anything for a moment, then leans into my ear. “Because I’ve been waiting all day, and you weren’t home when I went to your apartment. I don’t like waiting for what I want…and you know that.” I smack my lips together while narrowing my eyes. “I am not at your beck and call, Eric. I don’t answer to you and I will come and go as I damn well please, as I already told you,” I remind him. Eric shakes his head in his usual cocky manner, and leans in closer.

“Maybe not yet…but you will,” he promises.

He sits on a stool, and pulls me to his side, so that I'm leaning against his legs while his arms are wrapped around my waist. Before I know what I'm doing, my arm goes around his shoulders, my fingers lightly grazing his muscular back.

The boys start to pair up with the girls, and Eric and I get very handsy, fueled by all the alcohol. He pulls me in close to whisper "If we don't go right now, we're going to end up fucking on the floor of the Pit, and I don't care who's watching. We're leaving." He looks at me with lust radiating from his eyes, and something else I can't place. I size him up for a minute, then I get bold.

I take his face and kiss him hungrily, completely.......because I want to.

 "Yeah," I breathe against him. "Let's go home."

* * *

Eric is swiftly out of his seat, and all but body checks people out of our way out of the Pit. I tell Leah I'm leaving with my eyes. She winks and raises her glass in a mock toast. I just grin and hurry to keep up with Eric. I'm just as anxious as he is to get behind closed doors.

As we get into the apartment, Eric picks me up around the waist. Our mouths connect, and I feel desire spread through my veins like warm sunshine. He carries me into the bedroom, and lays me down. I close my eyes in anticipation, and then I feel his hand on the side of my face. "Jade," he whispers as he kisses my neck, "Look at me." I open my eyes slowly, and Eric is hovering over me. We stay locked in each other's gaze for a moment, then he winds his hands into my hair.

"Tell me what you want me to do," he whispers.

I look at him with wide eyes, not sure what game he's playing. "Wh-what do you mean?" I ask, confused. He kisses my throat, and I shiver. "You know what I mean," he breathes. I just shrug and feel a tinge of nervousness as I gaze at him. "I don't really know, Eric," I say in a whisper. He smirks at me, and I involuntarily smile back. "Jade," he says as he strokes the bare skin of my thigh, "I want to know what gets you going. I'm curious, especially since I did something in your dream that you conveniently can't remember." I sigh, and think for a moment.

"I guess I like doing it outside."

"Where outside?"

"Secluded places. I do remember we were outside in my dream."

"Again......where?"

"On the lakefront."

Eric looks at me thoughtfully, then says, "hmmm......on the lakefront. Where else would you want to go?" I blush, and look away. "Eric, I don't know, I haven't really thought about it…” Eric inhales sharply.

Then, inspiration strikes me and I sit up on my elbows. I trace his jaw with my fingertips. I take a deep breath, and let my alcohol-fueled brain speak for me. "Well Eric, you know my body better than anyone... and you are an instructor. So...." I say as I bring my mouth to his slowly, caressing the side of his face.

"Instruct me."

Eric gets an excited gleam in his eye. "Hmm...." He whispers as his hand roves over my body. My heart starts to beat faster as he slides his hands under my shirt and pulls me to sit up with him. "I think you're right, Jade," he murmurs as he kisses behind my ear, and I shiver. "Stand up beside the bed," he whispers. I slowly rise and stand. I take a deep breath, then reach for my zipper. Eric's arm darts out and stops me.

"Don't move, Jade. Stand very, very still. Don't move until I say to. Do you understand?"

I nod. Eric gets off the bed in a flash and gets within a centimeter of my face. "I asked you a question, Jade. You will answer me when I ask you a question," he growls in a low voice, giving me an intense stare. My heart beats faster, but I'm surprisingly not scared...I'm excited. I get what he's doing.

"Do you understand me, Jade?"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Eric."

Eric stands in front of me for a while, and I feel a thrill ripple through me as he lets his eyes rove over my entire body.....but doesn't touch me. Slowly he circles me, like a predator stalking it's prey, and my pulse starts to race. My breath quickens as he stops right behind me, and I feel his breath on my neck. But again he doesn't touch me, and my palms start to twitch. My eyes widen when it hits me.

Holy shit.........I actually want to feel his hands on me, and it makes me crazy that I don't.

My heart is practically beating out of my chest. All of a sudden, I feel Eric's hands on my hips. He gently gathers the fabric of my dress, his fingers caressing my hipbones. He slowly makes his way to the back, undoing the zipper slowly. My breath catches as my dress falls to the floor. Eric then traces his fingers over my hips, under the fabric of my panties, and then over my thighs. He leans in and moves my hair to the side, kissing my neck.

"Stay still, Jade. Don't move...."

He's still behind me, and then he reaches over and turns off the light by the bedside table. The room is now completely dark. I feel Eric's lips on my neck and I start to quiver, my lust threatening to take over me completely. "You feel so good," he whispers, as his hand moves over my hips again. He takes his other hand and tilts my face to his, and our mouths connect. His other hand reaches down between my legs, and I gasp as he starts to stroke.

"Stay still, Jade."

I try to do as he says, but as he gently teases my sensitive spot, pleasure and heat wash over me, clouding my mind and making my body feel like there's a distant buzz of electricity flowing through me. As I take deep, ragged breaths he slowly turns me around, kissing down my chest and stomach, then sliding my panties off...

...then his mouth replaces his hand.

"Oh my God," I rasp as my legs begin to shake. Eric grips my hips, gradually pushing me back so that I'm now lying on the bed. I arch my back and bite my lip as Eric makes slow, soft flicks to my clit, the sensation driving me to the point of insanity. Eric continues his mission for a while, and right as I'm about to shatter, he removes his mouth and kisses my inner thighs.

He slowly makes his way up. No longer caring about his order to stay still, we both strip each other until we're both completely bare though Eric won’t let me remove my boots.

Every fiber of my being is shivering with lust, as I anticipate the moment our bodies will connect. All of a sudden, Eric takes both of my wrists and pins them above my head in one of his. His other hand moves to position himself inside me. He groans when he feels how wet and warm my entrance is. "Do you want it, Jade?" He whispers roughly. "Yes," I plead in a ragged whisper, and Eric leans down and kisses my throat. He brings his lips near my ear.

"Tell me you’re mine, and I'll give it to you."

I stare at him for a moment, my heart pounding wildly. This was his plan all along. I narrow my eyes at him, and he grins wickedly. Eric teases me, rubbing against my entrance, but not going any farther. I look down for a moment, then look back at him with a smug smile. Game on, motherfucker.

"Not happening, Eric."

Eric inhales sharply and grits his teeth. "You will tell me now, Jade," he growls, with a hint of a smile, and continues to graze my entrance. I grin wickedly and shake my head. "I don't think so, Eric," I whisper. His eyes flash, and his breathing becomes ragged. "I feel how much you want me, Jade..." he whispers as he kisses my neck, and I shiver. I gasp and close my eyes as his fingers stroke me lightly, and become slick with my arousal. "Tell me so I can give it to you," he growls, close to losing control. I grin wickedly, then giggle.

"Wow, Eric you really didn't think this through, or strategize well, did you?"

"What does that mean?"

"Eric, you and I both know you're going to fuck me, regardless if I say it or not. So why should I give in? The result will be the same......"

"How do you know I'll fuck you? Maybe I'll just leave you wet and wanting...."

"Oh, Eric don't be silly. We both know I'm better at this than you are...."

Eric looks at me with narrowed eyes. "Just what the fuck does that mean," he whispers. I look at him smugly, taking a deep breath. "Exactly what it sounds like. You forgot one crucial element in your plan." He cocks his brow and looks at me. "And what's that?" His breath comes in pants as I continue to taunt him.

"You really want to play this game with a girl who grew up in Dauntless, and knows how to get herself off if you won’t?”

Eric looks at me like I dumped cold water on his head. I nod, seeing he understands. "So you see, Eric," I purr with a satisfied smile, "even though I do want you right now, if you decide not to bother, I can let it go with no problem. Hell, I'll be happy just doing it to myself......and I wouldn't be the one left wanting." I all but laugh, but stop when his expression hardens. He leans in close. "I can make you say it, Jade," he rasps, close to losing control. I grin smugly.

"Take your best shot, Eric," I growl right back.

Eric grips my wrist harder, and says in his most chilling voice, "Jade, so help me, you will tell me what I want to hear or I'll make you scream, and it won't be purely pleasure." His eyes glitter darkly, and I feel a thrilling fear race through me, and it turns me on even more. I lick my lips and giggle at him again.

"Again, Eric, please. Don't be silly. You don’t want to fuck me? I’ll just go down to the Pit and choose from one of the many guys that do.”

Eric's stunned silence is deafening. I grin victoriously. He's so shocked, he loosens his grip on my wrists, and I wriggle out from under him and stand up. "Well," I say casually, "if we're really not going to fuck, I'll guess I’ll be on my way then." I start to walk out of the bedroom, and get no more than a few feet before Eric grabs me in a flash. My breath catches as he glares so intensely, I shiver all the way down to my toes.

"The fuck you will," he growls as he picks me up.

Eric lays me on the bed and pins my wrists above my head. I look at him breathlessly, excitement racing through my veins...mixed with a tinge of fear.

But I like it.

Eric looks at me with steely eyes, mixed with lust. "You don't tell me what you're going to do Jade, I tell you," he whispers as he kisses my neck. I feel my abdomen clench, and I gaze at him with lowered lids. "Well, if you're not going to fuck me, what are you going to do with me?" Eric’s eyes narrow. "Oh, make no mistake, Jade, I’m going to fuck you. I fact, I'm going to fuck you all night." My surprise is evident, as my eyes widen. "I won't tell you a fucking thing, Eric..." I vow with determination. Eric smirks and leans in.

"You're not going to have to, Jade. Before this night is over, I'm going to know everything there is to know without you saying a word. I'm going to know what makes you shake," he kisses my neck and my breath catches, "what makes you scream," his hands rove over my thighs, then wraps my legs around his waist. He moves over me, and I feel fire running through my veins. His eyes burn into m with such carnal lust, it takes my breath away.

"And most importantly, what makes you _beg_ ," he hisses.

Eric is true to his word.

For hours we tangle, and just when I think I'm about to give in, I find new resolve. As Eric and I roll all over the bed, our mouths and hands exploring every inch of each other, I feel myself surrender to him completely. I want him to bring me to the very edge of insanity and back. I want to feel his complete possession of me, and just for tonight......

I want to truly be his.

As we lay entangled in each other, panting, and desire raging out of control, Eric moves off of me suddenly. He quickly reaches down and grabs my ankles, pulling me to him. Running his hands up my thighs slowly, he wraps my legs around his waist. Picking me up, I wrap my legs tighter as my arms go around his neck. Eric carries me through the apartment, our mouths connected, and hearts racing. He opens the sliding glass door and lays me down on the outdoor couch. Moving over me, he winds his hands into my hair, his expression almost desperate.

"Jade," Eric rasps, "anything you want me to do, I'll do. Just tell me......"

My breath comes in pants, as I decide that I'm not going to deny myself what I'm aching for right now. As we remain locked in an inense stare down, I sit up and place both hands on his shoulders. "Lay on your back," I whisper softly. Eric stretches his massive body out on the sofa, reaching for me, but I stand up. "No, Eric lay completely flat....." Straddling his waist facing away from him, I slowly guide him back inside me. Once he’s fit snugly, I lay down so that my body is perfectly aligned with Eric’s. Taking his hand and placing his fingers between my legs, I feel the groan in his chest as I make circling motions over the sensitive bundle of nerves. My pleasure is so intense I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out. I take his other hand and place it on my breast, feeling his fingers gently pucker my nipple. The sensation is almost more then I can bear. Raising my knees digging my heels into the sofa for an anchor, I turn my face to Eric's.

"Go," I command softly.

Eric starts to buck his hips, thrusting all the way inside me. I let him set the rhythm, then move with him. The double stimulation from his hand between my legs and my nipples is to the point it makes me dizzy. Eric strokes harder as he thrusts deeper, and I feel his low growl rumble in his chest behind me. I get so wet that both of our thighs become soaked with my arousal. As I reach a state of euphoria, I feel Eric's breath from panting hot on my ear. He kisses behind my ear and I turn my face to his.

"That feels so fucking good," I rasp, my mouth attacking his.

Eric growls low and primal. He moves his hand up from my breast to the back of my head, gripping my hair as he keeps his mouth on mine. I sit up and swing around so that I'm facing him, and he skims both hands down over my chest, to the curve of my hips, over my thighs. He gazes at me intensely, bringing my mouth down to his again. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he whispers against my lips. I feel my abdomen clench unyieldingly as I get close. Eric is buried completely inside me, and as he hits that spot deep inside, my back arches so hard, I fall back on my shoulders. Eric sits up, wrapping an arm around my waist, still stroking between my legs as I cry out, unable to stop myself.

"C'mon Jade," he growls, "let go for me..."

His words have no sooner left his mouth, before my whole body seizes. My muscles and walls grip his cock inside so hard, we both scream. A wave of pure ecstasy washes over both of us. As stars swim in my closed eyes, my whole body tingles with electricity. When I finally catch my breath, I open them to see the dark night sky twinkling above. I faintly hear Eric say something, but I can't make out whatever it is over the buzzing in my ears. His strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me upwards. My body feels like liquid, and I don't try to resist as Eric pulls me to lay on top of him. He wraps his arms around me, and I lay my head on his chest. Both of our hearts pound wildly against each other's.

"Jade..."

"Eric..."

Neither of us finish, just laying in each other's arms for what seems like eternity. As I start to drift off, Eric scoop me into his arms and carries me inside. My head is on his chest and my arms are wrapped around his neck. As he places me on the bed, I automatically go to roll on my side, facing away. Eric gets in and pulls the covers up, then gently pushes my shoulder down, rolling me on my back. I blink at him questioningly, and he strokes my bottom lip with his thumb. His eyes search my face as he pulls me back into the position we were in outside.

"Just for tonight, okay?" He whispers.

"What?"

"Don't turn away from me. I want to see your face...."

I nod sleepily, resting my head on his shoulder. I wrap my arm around his waist and tilt my chin so that my lips graze his jaw. Eric turns his head slightly so that our faces touch, his hand coming up to stroke behind my ear softly, his fingers weaving into my hair. Before I know what I'm doing, my hand comes up to rest on his, my thumb stroking the back. "Jade," Eric whispers. I open my eyes, and they connect with his.

All of a sudden, it feels like a million things are hanging in the air, unsaid. Eric searches my face for a moment. “You _could_ be happy with me. You just have to give it a chance…” I swallow the lump in my throat. "Okay," I whisper. Feeling my exhaustion start to take over, I kiss him lightly. I move to break away, but he keeps me in place, touching his forehead to mine. "I can make you feel like you never have before, and I want to. I want to make you feel every bit as good as you make me feel when we're together...."

He starts to say more, but I put my fingers to his lips. “We’ll talk about it later, Eric. Just not right now, okay? I don’t want to think about anything, especially after that….” I whisper sleepily. Eric sighs and wraps his arms tighter. “We’re going to have to talk about it at some point, Jade.” He yawns and nuzzles my neck. Sighing in bliss, I feel sleep start to take me.

“I know, Eric…I know.”

* * *

The Chicago sunrise filters through the curtains and washes over our bed. I blink my eyes sleepily. Eric is still sound asleep, his arms wrapped around me. I look at his sleeping face, and smile as I think of last night. I really did have a good time with him. It was almost like it was natural, even though I’m sure all I drank contributed to my relaxed state greatly. I giggle and stretch. I’m starting to get used to waking up relaxed, happy, and completely satisfied.

Not so terrible.

There's a slight throb in my head, no doubt a product of the alcohol. I try to slip quietly out of bed, when Eric's hand closes lightly on my wrist. "And where do you think you're going," he murmurs sleepily. He pulls me back to him, and my arm slips around his shoulders and neck. I kiss him lightly, tracing my finger on his chest. "To make coffee. My head is killing me. After last night, I'm in desperate need of it." He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I know of another way to relieve a headache......" His mouth takes mine, and he rolls me on my back.

Twenty minutes later, I finally get out of bed, completely satisfied all over again. I grab Eric's shirt off the floor pulling it over me. After I make a pot of coffee, I go out to the balcony to read the newspaper. The main article is about the upcoming Founder’s Ball. Each faction has their own version of the ball to celebrate their own manifestos, but a separate Ball is held in the capital of the city. All leaders are required to attend, and the upper tier citizens of each faction are encouraged to attend as well.

Eric joins me after a moment. He lights up a cigarette, looking over my shoulder to see what I'm reading. He plops down beside me, wearing nothing but jeans that hang low on his hips. He places one hand on my bare thigh, giving me goose bumps. "We have to go that, you know. All leaders are required to attend." I glance at him, confused. "We? I'm not a leader." He exhales, and his fingers stroke my thigh.

“Well I am, and you’re an Ambassador, so it would be expected we’d go together anyway," He states matter-of-factly.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would it be expected we’d go together…”

“Because we’re together. Why else?”

I just shrug. "Well, that’s not exactly true, but whatever." I go back to reading my paper. He takes it out of my hand. "Why'd you say that?" He narrows his eyes at me quizzically. "Why'd I say what?" I retort, taken aback at his shift in mood.

"Like we aren’t really together?" he demands.

I gape at him, confused and on edge at his tone, then answer honestly. "Because we’re not, Eric. We haven’t made that decision." His face reddens in anger. "What about last night?" he demands angrily.

"What about it? We had sex for hours, same as every other night. We just happened to hang out with each other in public before we did, is all." I gulp at his reaction. "That's not what I meant, Jade, and you know it," His tone seethes with anger.

"No, I don't. What are you getting so pissed about?" I ask nervously. We're on a balcony, and I wouldn't put it past Eric to toss me off of it in anger. He just gives me a hard stare that chills me to the bone.

I keep my face blank, then swiftly get up and move inside before he can stop me. He's on me before I can reach the living room. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes, hard. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" He growls in my ear. I whirl around to face him, shoving his chest. “What the fuck is your problem, Eric? You’re acting like a fucking lunatic. Get the fuck off of me…” I break his grip, starting to make my way to the bedroom to retrieve my clothes. He again grabs my arm and gets within an inch of my face.

“We’re not done here Jade. Explain what you meant by that…”

“I don’t have to explain a Goddamn thing, now let me go…”

“Not until we straighten this out…”

“Jesus Christ, Eric! Straighten what out? Let me go…”

With that he grips harder, enough to leave a bruise. My anger takes over, and I elbow him right in the solar plexes, then instep on his foot. His grip immediately breaks, and he stumbles back. I once again head for the bedroom when I’m lifted off my feet.

I try to keep from panicking as He drags me into the bedroom and throws me on the bed, pinning my wrists above my head. His face is mottled with anger, and he's close to losing control. Clenching my teeth, I meet his withering glare with my own.

"Damn. You know something Eric? You almost had me fooled. Just when I thought things could be different, that maybe you weren’t such a fucking prick, you reminded me of what a _pathetic piece of shit_ you really are. You feel like a man, doing shit like this? Is this how you get what you want? You think you’re going to smack me around and that’s going to make me automatically change my mind about you? Or do you want to put a gun to my head again?”

Eric blinks several times, as his expression melts from rage to one that’s unreadable. He closes his eyes briefly, then his grip on me loosens. “I thought you were running out on me again,” he finally whispers, and I shake my head in disgust.

“Where the fuck would I go? I'm not wearing anything but a t-shirt. I don't know why you're pissed at me, and I was just going inside to get dressed, and give you a minute to calm down. That's all," I state calmly, trying to control the shaking in my hands and voice. As the energy between us calms down, he releases my wrists, but keeps his gaze on me. He reaches his hand toward my face, and I close my eyes tightly and hold my breath, thinking he's going to slap me.

"Jade," he whispers, "I'm not going to hurt you.”

With difficulty, I look everywhere but at him, trying desperately not to cry. "I need to get dressed, please let me up," I say in a shaky whisper. A look of contrition crosses his features. He doesn't say anything but gets off the bed. His eyes are on me as I grab my clothes and head into the bathroom, changing as quickly as I can. "I'm going to be busy today, so I guess I'll see you…whenever." I desperately try to keep the tears welling in my eyes from spilling down my cheeks. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

As I open the door, his muscular arms shoot past me and close it, then he wraps them around me. I begin to shake, as I can no longer hold my tears. "Jade," he whispers in my ear, “I didn't mean to lose my temper. I wasn’t going to hurt you.” He turns me around and I bury my head in his shoulder. He holds me until I stop shaking from the tears coursing down my face. He pulls back and wipes them with his thumbs, touching his forehead to mine. "Look at me, Jade." He whispers. I shake my head no. He cups his fingers on my chin and tilts it towards him. My tear-filled eyes are forced to his contrite ones.

"That wasn’t my intention,” He whispers, and presses his lips to mine gently. “That will never be my intention again,” he declares after a moment. He kisses me gently again, and I eventually relax and kiss him back. Wrapping my arms around his neck, our kiss deepens and desire floods through me. Soon, he picks me up and my legs wrap around his waist as he carries me into the bedroom.

Things take their natural course, and we're left panting and spent after we let our bodies communicate what we both seem to be incapable of saying. By the time I lean over and look at the clock, an hour has gone by. I kiss Eric lightly. "I really do have to go, and so do you. It's already 8:30." I get up and pull my clothes on, as he eyes me from the bed. He sits up and gently grabs my wrist. "Jade," he whispers, "I need to know we're okay. I need to know that if I let you leave, you'll come back." His expression is almost pleading.

I lean over and kiss him soundly. "Of course I'll come back. But I need you to remember what I told you. I don't want to leave you again. Please don't give me a reason to." With one last fleeting kiss, I brush the side of his face. I turn on my heel and leave, my words hanging in the air as I go.


	17. Wrestling Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Eric and Jade deal with the fallout from their fight, and begin to navigate a new way. Some of Tamra’s past demons surface, and she and Jade have a heart to heart. Language, light smut. Enjoy!  
> -Emmy

I attack the bag with full force. It feels good to hit something, even if it's not who I want it to be. Again and again, I punch and kick, breaking a sweat and really just letting go. I'm vaguely aware that tears are starting to stream down my face, but I can't stop. I'm the only one in the gym right now, so I try to get it all out if my system without worrying what I look like. With one final, brutal kick, the bag literally splits in two and breaks.

 Squeezing my eyes shut, I put my hands on my knees for a moment and try to catch my breath. It’s been a few days since my little skirmish with Eric, and I'm still a wreck of emotions. Sadness, longing, guilt, anger at Eric and all he's put me through, and frustration. The most perplexing of all, is confusion over what happened between us that morning. Where the hell did that come from? Why was he so angry...Why am I so upset still?

 Taking a sip of water, I shake my head in bewilderment. Trying to figure out why Eric does anything the way he does is pointless. The man has more layers to him than an onion. Every time I think I know what he’ll say or do and why, he confounds me. Like when he didn’t let me leave after our argument. I thought he would just do the typical guy thing and let me cool off, but he didn’t. He took me totally by surprise right before I left, when he said he “needed to know I’d come back” if he let me leave.

What did he think I was going to do?

 A fresh wave of anger and disgust comes over me, as I remember how I broke down completely in front of him. I’ve _never, ever_ , done that in front of any guy, and I usually roll my eyes at girls that do. There are too many men in Dauntless to let one get to you. But for some reason, I couldn’t help it. My eyes narrow.

 It’s because he made a fool out me.

 I’d started to have a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I’d been wrong about Eric. I’d actually started to think that this hadn’t been all for nothing, that I hadn’t destroyed my relationship with Ayden and my future in Dauntless for the kind of man I believed Eric to be. I’d started to think that maybe there could be some solid ground between Eric and I to eventually build on, and that maybe he was right; I just needed to give him a chance. I run a hand through my hair angrily, throwing my empty water bottle to the ground.

 What a fucking moron I can be sometimes…….

Just when I’d started to consider giving this a shot, he reminded me of why I hesitated to begin with. He’s a violent, dark, manipulative asshole that only cares about himself. I’m not bending to his will, so he’s trying to force it out of me, for what purpose I still don’t know.

What the fuck does he want? What is his true agenda with me?

 Why didn’t he just let me go that morning? Eric is not the type to admit he did anything wrong at all, and he technically didn’t. But when he carried me into his bedroom, it wasn’t the usual sex we have. It was almost…apologetic? I still feel the effects on my body. I remember how Eric's lips feel on my flesh, the heat coursing through my veins...closing my eyes again, I pinch the bridge of my nose. I’m disgusted with myself that I let him see me upset, and that I actually gave in and went back to bed with him after he did. Although it wasn’t really giving in, if I’m being honest.

Just like he wanted to know we were okay, I needed that reassurance as well…but why?

 “Argh,” I mutter under my breath in frustration. Stomping over to the knife board, I pick up a blade and hurl it as hard as I can at the target, hitting it bullseye. Picking up another one, Eric’s form floats into my subconscious, and I throw it even harder, hitting the bullseye again. Imagining that Eric is standing in place of the target, I throw another, and another, all hitting bullseye. “Fucking asshole,” I hiss, each knife that lands in the board knocking the other one out.

“You think you’re going to get the best of me…that I’ll you play me for a fucking fool…that you’ll actually make me believe you could ever…ever…”

My eyes blur with a fresh set of angry, frustrated tears as I try to shake Eric's face out of my mind. My arm starts to burn with over exertion, but I ignore it.  Finally running out of steam, I collapse on the floor. Drawing my knees to my chest, I decide I better let this out before I have to be at work soon. My shoulders start to shake as I let the dam burst, rocking back and forth slightly. After a moment or two, they start to subside and I take deep shaky breath.

As I start to stand a pair of gentle hands close on my shoulders, making me yelp in surprise. My tear-stained face whips around and meets my mom’s concerned one. "Jade," Tamra whispers in a broken, strangled voice filled with worry. As I rise to my feet, I give a wane smile. “Oh, hey mom,” I try to greet casually, but she’s not buying it. She immediately wraps her arms around me in a hug, palming my hair.

“Baby girl, what’s a matter? Why are you crying? ”

“It’s nothing, mom. I’m just a little stressed out, and I was just blowing off some steam…”

“Blowing off some steam? I’ve been watching you wreak havoc for about 10 minutes and you didn’t even notice I was here. Half the equipment in here is destroyed as well…”

My eyes snap up and I look around the room. The punching bag is literally ripped in half, the target board has broken in pieces from the the force of all the knives hitting it, and the room is in general disarray. Shrugging sheepishly, I give a loud sigh. “I got a little carried away is all….” I whisper as Tamra studies my face for minute, then nods. I suddenly remember I was supposed to meet her for breakfast this morning. “Oh shit, mom, I was supposed to meet you in the café…” I glance at the clock, and see that it’s later than I thought. Tamra shakes her head with a wry smirk, then walks over to the side of the ring and picks up the tape. As she tapes up her hands, I regard her curiously.

“What are you doing? I thought we were going to have breakfast…”

“We are…after we go a round or two.”

“What? You want to spar first?”

“Absolutely. Glove up.”

I shake my head at her, and she sighs and pulls her hair back. “Come on,” she orders as she starts to apply chalk to her hands. Tamra looks at me squarely and nods toward the mat. “Baby girl, you are feeling some type of way, and it’s going to eat at you until you let some of it out. You’re like your mother. You don’t need to ‘talk’, you need to fucking hit something or someone, and get it out that way. Besides, you and I haven’t had a good go of it since I started training you for initiation. Let’s see if you’re still qualified to be first ranked,” she teases, and a smile pulls at my lips. I pick up the tape and wrap my hands, as Tamra cracks her knuckles.

“Careful, old lady. I don’t want you to bite off more than you can chew here…you might break a hip or something…” I taunt as I jump up and down to warm up. Tamra purses her lips and stretches her arms.

“First of all, I’m not even 40 yet. Second, keep talking shit and I’ll forget you’re my only daughter and show no mercy. Besides, after the stunt you pulled a few weeks ago and the behavior I’ve seen from you lately, I think it’s time I whipped your ass back in line anyway. _Get on the mat_ , baby girl.”

Trying to hide my amusement, I quickly apply some chalk and step on the mat. Mom and I square off, and get into fighting stance. Tamra strikes first, coming at me with a left hook that I dodge, and she blocks my jab to her solar plexus. “So,” she pants as we continue to spar, “What’s eating you? More Eric trouble?” She sweeps her leg out and knocks me off my feet, and I quickly tuck and roll before she can land on top.

“Something like that.”

“what happened now?”

“Same thing that always happens. He’s a fucking asshole. We got in an argument the other morning, and I’m still pissed.”

“About what?”

I describe what happened as we continue to fight. As we throw kicks, punches, and jabs, I start to feel better. My mom was right. I’m more of fighter than a talker, and I do feel as if the weight is starting to lift off of my shoulders a little. As we both break a sweat, we call time for minute. Both panting, we chug a bottle of water. “You good now?” Tamra asks as she tosses me a towel. “I think so,” I rasp as I catch my breath. Tamra didn’t lie about whipping my ass. She may be older, but she is still a force to be reckoned with, and she reminded me just where I learned to fight. I even think she was holding back a little as well, and she still owned me. It felt good, though. “I’m fucking starving. Let’s go eat,” she says as we step off the mat.

After a quick shower, we sit in the lounge at the Pit after grabbing breakfast. Tamra eyes me over the brim of a steaming cup of coffee.

"So, he thought you were running away again and lost his shit? Did he hurt you?"

"Not this time, but he completely pulled a Jekyll and Hyde. We were fine one minute, and he was freaking out over nothing the next. I honestly don't know what I did to set him off like that. He almost went completely fucking crazy, and I have no clue why,” I sigh with a shudder. She looks down and bites her lip, like she always does when she wants to say something. I roll my eyes, exasperated.

"What?" I ask, annoyed. Tamra purses her lips. "You really don't know what you did? Because I do." She puts her coffee down and shakes her head. "Please, enlighten me," I say impatiently. She takes a deep breath and looks at me pointedly.

“First and foremost, let me just say that I am in no way Eric Coulter’s biggest fan, so don’t think I’m taking his side here. What I think doesn’t matter, as I wasn’t there and didn’t see what happened. But here’s what I do know from what I _have_ seen. He’s actually been trying for a while to make things right with you, and you can’t see it for whatever reason. He’s making an effort, and you’re completely dismissing it. That would piss me off, too. When he lost his shit because he thought you were running again, it was out of panic and fear, not out of anger. Whether you believe it or not, and he won’t ever admit it, he does care about you and is scared to death of losing you, Jade. If his reaction was solely from anger, or he really didn't give a shit about you like you think, he would have dropped the rope a long time ago and let you walk away. But there’s something neither of you realize about each other, though you may in time.”

A painful expression crosses Tamra’s features, and she swallows the lump in her throat. I also notice that her voice has started to shake a little. Looking away for a minute, she reaches out and puts her hand over mine.

“You’ll never be able to fully escape from whatever is between you…no matter how hard you try, you can’t avoid it forever, and you’ll never be able to fully walk away from him…because he’ll never really let you go….nor you, with him. You have to deal with this, Jade. One way or the other it needs to be settled. I know you’re confused about everything going on. You don’t want to get hurt, you know what you did to Ayden was wrong, and you think no good can ever come of being with someone like Eric. You don’t know why you’re drawn to someone like him, and you want to protect yourself. I get it. I’ve been there…and the one thing I don’t want to happen for you is to live your life in regret. Trust me….it hurts far worse than anything else.”

My alarm grows as tears suddenly well in her eyes. I squeeze her hand as she takes several deep breaths, trying to get herself in check. I can no longer keep my curiosity at bay, and decide since we’re going down this road anyway, I might as well ask her about what I’ve been wondering.

“Mom…are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Max? I know there’s obviously more to that story than you’ve let on, and it seems you have a thing or two to get off your chest as well here…”

I trail off as Tamra finally looks at me, unable to hide the pain in her eyes. “Jade, the first thing I want to reiterate is that I _did_ love your father. Don’t ever question that. The problem was…I loved Max more, and still do. But he and I are not a possibility, and it never should’ve happened the way it did. No good came of it, and I’m not quite ready to talk about it fully, even after all these years.” She brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, and gazes at me earnestly.

“But what happened between Max and I is not the same situation as you and Eric. You have an actual shot at something real, and that’s all I want for you. I don’t want you to end up like me, Jade. Missed opportunities, lost love, and a life of regretting something you can’t go back and change. You’re a smart girl, and whatever is between you and Eric is not going to go away, just because you want it to, or ignore it. Believe me, I know.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“What it means is that I saw the two of you at that Pit the other night. You couldn't keep your hands off each other, and looked very much like a couple. Not to mention, you two look amazing together. Almost like the king and queen of Dauntless.”

I shake my head stubbornly, refusing to let the tears form in my eyes . “Mom, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me and my mess of a life, and I’m sick and fucking tired of being confused. But what I do know is that I can't let myself fall in love with someone who'll eventually destroy me. I know you say it isn’t the same as you and Max, and you’re right it’s not. But, I have time to ward off a disaster that that I see brewing,” I vow.

Tamra shakes her head sympathetically. "You can't help who you fall in love with, Jade. It's not a choice." She rubs my back. I suddenly straighten, wiping my eyes.

"No, you can't," I assent. "But you can do what you have to do to protect yourself, and that’s exactly what I intend to do. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not in control of my own life and choices, and of having my heart broken all the fucking time......and I'll be damned if I _ever_ let someone like Eric break it again."

* * *

 

I go through the motions of the rest of the day, filing my reports and answering e-mails. As I’m wrapping up for the day, an e-mail comes through. Ashley is still out with her mystery illness, so I had all of her e-mails forwarded to me for the time being. I raise my brow when I see it’s from Rex, the Ambassador from Erudite and one of Jeanine’s lackeys.

_Good afternoon Ms. Crane,_

_Ms. Matthews has requested a private meeting with Ms. Crawford on Thursday of next week. Would it be possible to fit this into Ms. Crawford’s schedule, preferably around lunchtime, or immediately after? The meeting would commence at Dauntless, as Ms. Matthews will be there on business anyway._

I can’t help the disgusted sneer from twisting my face. Why the fuck does this creepy bitch have this sudden fascination with me? What does she want? I mentally weigh my options for a moment before responding. I could make something up, and say I’m busy, but it could get back to Max if I do. For whatever reason, she wants to meet with me one on one, which is peculiar. I’m not a leader, and I don’t know what it is she thinks I have to offer her. I glance at my schedule for next week. To my chagrin, I see that I have an opening in the afternoon. Sighing in irritation, I send the response of my availability. Rex answers a moment or two later, and the time is set.

As I leave my office, I call Leah to see what’s going on for the night. “Hey,” she greets.

“Hey. I’m off work, what’s going on for tonight?” I ask as I head for the elevator.

“Nothing that I know of…what did you have in mind?”

“Getting fucked up to the point I forget my name…you game?”

“Of course. I could use a shot or two….work has been hell lately. Meet in the Pit later?”

I sigh in relief as I press for my floor. I know I'm going to have to see Eric at some point, I can’t avoid him forever. But tonight, I don’t want to think about that. I just want to get comfortable, drink myself into oblivion, relax, and have a good time with my friends, and not worry about him or what I might be feeling for him. I need to unwind a little. I'm counting on the tequila for a lot of help.

“Yeah,” I agree. "And fuck just a shot. Just give me the bottle and a straw." 

* * *

 

Later that night, Leah and I descend into the Pit to meet up with Rachel, Samantha, and surprisingly, Ashley. She texted me that she was feeling better, as she’d been to Erudite and they gave her some medication. I’m relieved she’s doing better.

We enter the top entrance of the Pit. We stop at the stairs before we descend, trying to pick a spot. Finally, I spot the girls, and we make our way over there.  Suddenly, my skin tingles, and I feel an intense stare rove over my entire body. I look around.......

........and my eyes lock with Eric's.

He's standing with his friends on the level above the floor of the Pit, drinking a beer. His eyes are practically burning into me, and he doesn't even try to break eye contact. My whole body shivers, and I force myself to look away. Leah glances his way, shaking her head ruefully. “I gather you two haven’t made up yet?” she states as I glance back at him. He's staring at me still, with a slight look of frustration on his face. I quickly look away again, trying to calm the butterflies in my abdomen.

“He’s the one that fucked up. It’s on him to fix it, not me. And I don’t want to talk about it,” I snap with finality, and Leah jumps slightly. I feel a pang of guilt and stop momentarily, putting my hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Leah. I didn’t mean to snap, I’m just a little on edge…” I apologize and Leah shakes her head. “It’s okay, Jade. You’ve got a lot on your plate right now, and I don’t blame you. Nothing that a little tequila can’t fix,” she laughs as we make our way through the throng of people. I exhale loudly, and mentally slap myself. _Pull your shit together_ , I silently scream at myself. _Don’t be a bitch to your friends._ _It’s not their fault you’re a mess._

"For the love of God, put something, anything alcoholic in my hand!" I declare dramatically, and she and I practically sprint towards the bar, giggling.

Suddenly a hand slips around my shoulders, and it's not Eric. I feel a tinge of nervous tingle. Even though I'm not looking at Eric, I can feel the anger radiating from him at someone else touching me. To my relief, I see it's Tanner, a dear friend of mine growing up. "What's this I'm hearing about pretty girls not having a drink? Unacceptable!" He grins, and I squeal and give him a hug. Tanner got in a serious accident on the shooting range and has been in the infirmary for a while, but he looks much better now.

At that moment, his girlfriend Ivy walks up behind him with a huge smile. "Hands off my man, skank!" She teases as she gives me a big hug. She's been taking care of Tanner and I haven’t seen her in forever. I smile warmly. I grew up with both of them, and I’m kind of the reason they’re together now… Tanner and I actually were a thing at one point, ages ago. Tanner was the first guy I ever had sex with.  Nothing obviously ever came of it, but we stayed good friends. Ivy had always had a thing for him, but thought he didn’t feel the same. I sort of pushed them together during initiation, and they’ve been together ever since.

It's good to see her, and how her relationship with him has progressed. She moves to his side, and he pulls her to him and wraps his arm around her waist and kisses her forehead. I'm happy for them.

She swats his arm. "You know, you just got out of the infirmary, you want to go back there for touching Jade? From what I hear, her man doesn't play." She giggles, and I force a smile to my face. Tanner scoffs. "Please, that ship sailed a long time ago. Besides, I grew up with her man, and I know I could take Ayden if I had to." He starts to laugh, and then stops when he sees no one else is. Ivy shakes her head and pokes him in the ribs. "What?" he asks, confused as he looks from her to me.  

I fidget for a moment. "Ayden and I aren't together anymore, and it wasn't the best parting." I state quietly, then look away uncomfortably. Thankfully, Leah pulls a shot of tequila out of nowhere and hands it to me. How'd she do that? I'll ask her later. I knock it back quickly. Tanner is shocked.

"Oh...shit...I'm sorry Jade. I'm a little out of the loop. Well if it's not Ayden, who is it?"

I don’t answer for a moment. I look up without thinking, and my eyes lock with Eric's. He’s standing with his hands gripping the rail, his death stare firmly in place. No doubt due to Tanner's hands on me. I quickly look away, and glance at Leah. she shrugs and hands me another shot. I down it quickly.

Ivy sees that I'm having difficulty, forces a smile to her face. "You and Eric are a thing, now right?" Tanner's eyes whip to hers.

"Yeah, right. That's not funny." He looks back at me and stops laughing. "Wait....are you serious? You and... Eric? As in Eric Coulter? How the fuck did that happen? That guy is a complete fucking asshole," He asks incredulously, and I think a hint of anger.

I just shrug. "Just kinda happened," I mutter. Ivy looks at me sheepishly, as she sees this is not something I want to talk about right now. "Well, I gotta get him back, he's not even supposed to be here. It was great to see you guys." She gives me a quick hug, and Tanner does the same. "Jade...let's talk later okay?" His eyes are filled with concern. I nod and give a tight smile. “Yeah, sure,” I sigh. After they exit the Pit, we make our way to the rest of the girls. “There’s my bitches,” Rachel greets as she moves over. We sit and talk for a while, as shot after shot is taken. After about an hour or soit starts to taste like water, and the buzz I feel is a welcome distraction that takes the edge off.

Unfortunately, it also fuels my anger and frustration.

I glance up, and Eric is watching me with his face in a scowl. I cut my eyes at him, and imagine the whistling noise that he’s making through his teeth, whenever I piss him off. We’ve been glaring at each other all night, and I am still so pissed off at him. He’s just as angry, though what the fuck he has to be mad at me for, escapes me. Leah and Rachel raise their brows at me, glancing in the guy’s direction.

“I take it you and Eric still haven’t worked this out?” Rachel says. I shake my head.

“No. I’m not in the mood for his shit right now, and don’t want to be around him.”

“Yeah, but if you keep ignoring him, it’ll only piss him off more,” Ashley says.

I slam my empty bottle down. They all stare at me wide-eyed as I purse my lips. “I really don’t give two fucking shits how he feels about any fucking thing right now,” I snarl through gritted teeth. I take a deep breath and try to calm down.

The girls all go silent, stunned by my little outburst. I shake my head, and pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers. I sigh and look up. “I’m sorry, guys. I’m just still so pissed off at Eric, I don’t know what to do with myself.” I purposely stand with my back to Eric’s direction, though I feel his eyes burn into me. This silent war has been waging between us all night, and I know it’s far from over. I shake my head. He won’t win tonight, though. Samantha shrugs.

“I don’t blame you. I’d be pissed to. How are you going to make him pay?”

“Make him pay? What do you mean?”

“I mean, he fucked up, and has to pay. Silent treatment, shutting down your vagina till further notice……”

“Samantha!”

“What?”

The girls all laugh, and I can’t help but crack a smile as well. Samantha shrugs and takes a sip of her beer. “I’m just saying, there are many ways to make a guy pay for fucking up. Get creative, if you have to.” I giggle with the others. “Yeah, well, I don’t really think me being pissed at him would stop him. Eric kinda just does what he wants, sometimes when I’m sleeping.” Rachel nearly spits out her beer, she’s laughing so hard.

Suddenly, this is the last fucking place i want to be. We’re all a little drunk, and I'm feeling adventurous all of a sudden. "You guys want to get the fuck out of here and do something fun?" I say. The others all nod in agreement. “What do you want to do?" Ashley asks, and a grin breaks over my face.  

"I wanna fly over Chicago."

* * *

 

We jump onto the train, and I tell Leah about the Dauntless-born tradition of zip-lining. "Oh wow....that's what you did that night?" I nod. "It's amazing. I feel like a bird when I do it." Leah looks around. "you know Eric is probably following us right now, right?" I laugh, which surprises her.

"Whatever. Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. I don't care either way." Leah just smiles wryly at me. I look out at the passing city.

We get off at the Hancock building and make our way to the top. She blanches when she sees how high up we are. I smile encouragingly. "It's amazing, Leah. You'll love it. I'll get the net ready, so we can just drop at the end." I strap in. "Don't worry, Leah, it really is fun," Rachel says. I step up on to the ledge, and Samantha and Rachel grab either side of my harness.  Here I go!" I take off, and soar high above Chicago, feeling as light and free as a bird.

The warm night is beautiful under a full moon. I immediately feel a sense of relief as the city rushes by me, the buildings twinkling in the moonlight. It feels good to let the wind drown out my thoughts and clear my mind a little. Unfortunately, there’s still one face I can’t shake, no matter how hard I try. I reach the end and the girls hold out my net, and I fall gratefully.

A moment later, I see the faint shadow of the zip line coming at me. Leah is practically clapping her hands in glee as she falls into the net. "That was awesome!" She shrieks. "I wanna go again!" She skips toward the entrance, and I laugh. "We have to wait for the others! Hold on!" She sticks her tongue out at me, but grins.

We all go a few more times, then decide to hang out for a while in the carved out , abandoned dwelling  directly below the Hancock. Samantha grins and says "at least I came prepared!" She pulls out 2 flasks. We sit on the bench and have a little girl talk, as we start a fire. By the time the flask comes back to me, I am good and drunk, and more relaxed than I've ever been. Everyone wants to know how things went down between and Eric but I manage to skirt the issue with Leah's help. That's the last thing I want to think about right now.

Suddenly, there are footsteps and shadows in the alley. More than a few.

Being that we’re seasoned Dauntless women, we instinctively pull out our knives. I didn't see any factionless when we got here, but they roam everywhere. I hold my breath as the shadows move closer, and get in to fighting stance, as do the rest of us. There's quite a few of them. To my relief, I see it's all Dauntless guys, Ashley and Samantha's boyfriends Rob and Jason among them. My heart thuds a little.

These guys are friends with Eric too.

Rob grins and holds up his tattooed hands in mock surrender. "Ladies we come in peace, and even brought booze," he laughs. He kisses Ashley. "What are you guys doing here?" She asks and kisses him back. Jason grabs Samantha around the waist, "Oh I don't know, we heard some crazy Dauntless girls were storming Chicago and jumping off buildings, so we had to see what that was all about." He pulls her into his lap. All the guys move in, and I breathe a sigh of relief when I don’t see Eric......which quickly dissipates when a pair of arms wrap around my waist.

"Yeah, and apparently, mine was leading the charge." Eric's voice says smoothly in my ear.

I don't turn around to face him, as I'm afraid I'll burst into tears if I do. Eric tugs me to sit down with him. Not knowing what else to do, and in my inebriated state, I obediently sit in his lap with his arms around me. I look at Leah with wide eyes. I don't know what to expect right now, and I’m not in the mood for a scene. My heart is practically beating out of my chest. Eric seems to sense it, and brushes his thumb over the bare skin of my stomach, sending goosebumps up my spine. He plants a soft kiss on my neck. I finally let my breath out, and put my hands over his.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming out here? And why did you sneak away?" He says in my ear.

"Why the fuck do you think,” I snap back.  He inhales sharply.

"So we’re still on this? Fucking let it go already….”

“What does it fucking matter? Just leave me the fuck alone.”

“It matters because I don’t like it when you avoid me, and you know that. You’re behaving like a child, and starting to really piss me off." He growls in my ear.

Anger flashes through me. It's like all the liquor I've had is holding a flame to it.

"Well, shit Eric, I wonder why I don't want to see you right now, Eric." I spit at him in a low voice. I try to move out of his arms, but he holds me in a viselike grip. Thankfully, the others are all inebriated and don't notice, as they're too busy flirting and drinking, except for Ashley.

Eric suddenly stands. "We're going for a walk," he declares and pulls me to my feet.. I try to futilely yank my arm free. He all but laughs at me. "You can come on your own, or I can drag you. Decide." He crosses his arms and waits. I'm too drunk and tired to struggle, so I just roll my eyes "fine. Whatever."

Eric takes my hand and leads me down the alley.

We walk in silence, until my alcohol-fueled anger overtakes me, and I stop suddenly. I put my hands on my hips and glare at him. "No," I grit out defiantly. His face remains impassive, then he smirks.

"No to what?"

"No to you, Eric. I'm done."

"You're done with what?"

"With this...whatever we are. Done with you and you screwing with my fucking head. It's over." 

He crosses his massive arms with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "Really," he says with a wry smile. "And why do you say that, Jade?" He asks with laughter in his voice. He's mocking me and it's really pissing me off. Shit, I am really, really drunk. "Because you're a fucking ass hole, and I don't have to live like this. It's done. I'm done. Do with that what you will. You’ll have to find somewhere else to get your dick wet from now on.  Have a nice fucking life. Or don't. Whatever." I slur at him with blurry eyes, then turn in my heel to walk away.

His hand closes on my arm and he turns me around. I get ready for a fight, and prepare for him to strike. He wraps one arm around my waist, and the other to the side of my head. "Jade, stop being such a drama queen,” he sneers in an exasperated tone. I push him off me and cross my arms.

 "You're taking this better than I thought you would," I slur. He chuckles and shakes his head. Asshole. "Why the fuck are you laughing?!" I demand angrily.

He laughs and presses his forehead to mine. "Because it's laughable. I’m amused that you think just because you’re very pissed off and having a drunken temper tantrum, you can get rid of me so easily. It’s fucking hysterical." He whispers with a grin.

"I am not having a temper tantrum! I’m just sick of your shit-“

"Yes, you are, Jade. You’re blowing something minor way out of proportion, and dragging it out just to do it. If you think I’m going to indulge this behavior any longer, you are sorely mistaken," He states calmly, speaking like he's talking about the weather.

It makes me see red.

“ _Die in a fucking fire Eric_ ,” I hiss venomously, my head starting to spin. “I am not yours to ‘indulge’, no matter what fucked-up delusions of grandeur you’ve conjured in your head.” I stumble closer, and Eric’s jaw has set in grim line, much to my satisfaction. I tip my jaw up to his in a cocky manner, my lips twisting in sneer.

“Let me be very clear on this. This is not a thing. We are not a thing. Obviously we like fucking each other, but don’t think for one minute I will ever…ever… fall for your bullshit. You might’ve somehow convinced every other woman in Dauntless that you’ve got a magical dick or something, or God’s gift, whatever it is you see yourself as, but make no mistake. I see you for what you are… and you will never make a fool out of me again.”

The temperature between us falls to sub-zero as we stare each other down. I prepare myself for Eric’s reaction, but his expression remains stone-like. He doesn’t respond, just continues to burn into me with his gaze. My pulse starts to race, and I feel my head start to spin. All of a sudden, the intensity of the moment and the over-abundance of alcohol take me over, and I hear Eric swear in the distance as I pass out in his arms.

* * *

 

 When I come to, I'm in Eric's arms on the train, the jostling over the rails having a soothing effect on me. I’m still drunk, but not as much and it's starting to ebb. I look up hazily. He looks down at me and shakes his head with a smile. My anger rears up again. "Stop fucking laughing at me," I growl. He bites his lip, and doesn't hide his smile. I feel it in his chest. I shove him off me and stand on the opposite side of the train car and glare at the passing city.

I still hear him chuckling. I whip around and snarl "you're a fucking asshole. I meant it when I said I'm done. I'm not going home with you tonight. I don't care what you try to do." I turn away from him and cross my arms. He comes up behind me and tries to wrap his arms around me, but I move away. "What are you so mad about?" He says. I whip around with wide eyes. "Are you....are you fucking serious? You flip out on me over nothing, you lost your shit like a fucking psycho,  you've turned my life upside down and inside out, you constantly fuck with my feelings and my head....and you want to know why I'm finally getting mad? Really?" I shake my head. I turn back around.

He wraps his arms around me again, and I try to shake him off, but he holds tight and kisses my neck, until I yield, and stop struggling. Desire spills through me, and it's only elevated by the tequila. He moves his hands over the bare skin of my flat stomach, playing with my belly button piercing. Tipping my face up, his lips cover mine . A moan escapes me, and he leans down and grabs me under my ass. Making my long legs wrap around him, he slowly presses me up against the side of the train car. I return his kiss, unable to stop myself.

He pulls back, eyes raging with lust and that other feeling I can't quite place. "I already told you what happened was not my intention, and I'm not going let you harp on this any longer. It’s over and done with, and that’s the fucking end of it. What I _am_ going to do, is take you home and show you what happens when you ignore me, making me have to chase you all over fucking Chicago." He kisses me deep and slow, and my hands cup his head and neck. I’m already shivering with need, and I know that going home alone was never going to happen anyway, but I had to make myself feel better. I just nod, my eyes lowered.

Although I hate myself for it, I actually want to be with him tonight. For as much as he missed me, I missed him too.

After we jump off the train and into the compound, Eric laces his fingers with mine as we walk through to the elevators. As we wait for it to go up, Eric pulls me into his arms, I wrap mine around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder. I'm still a little unsteady, and feeling his complete possession of me feels good. He strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. I graze his back with my fingernails. Just then the elevator doors open, and we both catch sight of ourselves in the hallway mirror. My breath catches.

I see what Tamra meant now, when she said Eric and I look amazing together.......because we do. We both stare at our reflection for a moment. Although I didn’t see it that night at Amity, I see it now. There’s nothing unnatural about how we look together. We look almost like a painting. We’re a perfect fit…almost like…

 _Like the king and queen of Dauntless_ , Tamra’s voice whispers in my memory.

We both turn to each other for a moment, and what feels like a magnetic pull courses between us. The way his eyes search my face, I know he feels it too. My breath catches again, as his mouth crashes down on mine hungrily, completely. I wrap my arms around his neck as our kiss deepens. We walk off the elevator, never leaving each other. Once we reach his door, Eric groans as it won't open. He moves to just break it down in frustration, when I put my hand on his chest, and my other hand steadies his. The door opens, and Eric lifts me off my feet.

Something is definitely different about tonight.

I bury my head in his shoulder as Eric carries me into the bedroom. He gently lays me down, and I try to keep my surprise from showing. This is a side of Eric I’ve never seen before, and I don’t know what to expect. As Eric gets in and pulls the covers over us, I feel my insides turn to water. Eric moves over me and I part my legs, allowing him to settle between them. I relish the feel of his weight covering me like a blanket. I used to feel trapped when we’re like this, but tonight, it seems to be what I need. Eric strokes the side of my face as my legs hook over his.

I start to say something, but Eric cuts me off with his lips on mine. I sigh into our kiss, and close my eyes, trying to just let go. Eric’s mouth moves down over my chin, over my throat slowly, as his hand caresses the side of my face, the other one skimming down thigh to lightly grip my knee. I feel a warmth spread from the top of my head down to the tip of my toes as I find myself lightly raking my fingertips up his muscular back, coming to rest on the back of his neck and into his hair. Eric tilts my face to his as he looks at me through lowered lids. I try to swallow my fear as I gaze at him, trying to figure out what to say.

Eric kisses my neck softly, slowly, coaxingly. He gently strokes the side of my leg, wrapping it around him. I feel my body responding to his touch, melting under the weight of him, molding to his. I keep my eyes closed as his mouth slowly covers my throat and chin in kisses, and I find myself running my fingers through his short blond hair, to stroke the back of his head. Before I know what I’m doing, I gently pull his head up, and connect my mouth with his. Surprised, Eric deepens our kiss, and strokes the side of my face as I wrap both legs around his waist. He laces his palm with mine as he pulls back and looks at me, interlocking our fingers. He looks at me intensely, then I gasp as he slides inside of me.

I tilt my head back and close my eyes, as we begin to move in sync, our mouths and hands caressing each other all over. Our tempo is soft, but intense. Both of us are panting, and before long I roll him on his back so that I’m on top. Eric positions me on his lap, then groans as I slide down, taking the full length of him back inside me. He runs his hands down over my shoulders and arms, to the curve of my waist, then up to my chest. I throw my head back and sigh as I ride him, the sensation of him massaging my breasts making my whole body tingle. After a moment or two, Eric sits up and wraps his arms around my waist, bringing our mouths together in a deep kiss. He winds a hand through my hair, pulling my head back to kiss my throat. I can’t stop the moans escaping me, as I run my fingers up his massive arms, to the sides of his face. Our eyes connect, and I feel a strange tug in my heart.

Eric slowly rolls me back down, his mouth never leaving my body. “Jade,” he whispers in my ear, and I wrap my arms tighter. He kisses his way from my throat to my jaw, then his mouth takes mine as we continue to move in sync with each other. He touches his forehead to mine, and Our eyes stay locked. I feel myself almost mesmerized. I bring my hands to the side of his face as I feel both of us get close to our release.

“Eric….”

“Jade….”

I’m feel myself fall over the edge, and my whole body convulses as I ride the wave of ecstasy. Eric isn’t a second behind, as he throws his head back and emits a low, primal growl. He collapses on top of me, but instead of pushing him away, I wrap my arm around his neck and scrape my nails across his scalp. Eric kisses his way from my throat to my jaw, then finally to my lips. He kisses me softly and slowly, and I feel myself completely relaxing.

For the next few hours, we show each other just how much we missed the other. Even though we don't say a word, and my head desperately pleads with my heart to be careful, I know something beyond my control is developing whether I like it or not. As our bodies communicate for us, there's so much I want to say, I just can't bring myself to do it. I express myself the only way I can with Eric.

As we reach our usual conclusion, Eric pulls me into his arms, but turns my face to his and touches his forehead to mine. "Jade," he whispers, stroking my hair. "You know you belong here, right? You belong with me........" He looks like he's about to say something more, but doesn't. I don’t say anything, but kiss him softly. The air is still thick with the unspoken conversation we both want to have, but neither of us do. I sigh as I close my eyes and place my hands over his.

I can't let him break my heart. I have to keep my guard up, and remind myself about what this really is. But just for tonight.......I want to pretend that this is real.

* * *

 

I slowly open my eyes, then immediately close them again, as the first wave of dizziness comes over me. It's a good thing I'm already laying down, as I no doubt would fall if I were standing. I consider myself somewhat of a seasoned drinker, but I haven’t been that wasted in a while. Shit. What's the last thing I remember?

I turn my head to see Eric sound asleep, the sunlight beginning to stream over his bed.  The events of last night come rushing at me, and my face reddens. Did I really pass out…Shit, I did.

Slowly disentangling myself from his arms, I slip out of bed quietly and make my way to the bathroom. After splashing some water on my face, I realize I’m in desperate need of coffee. Reaching into Eric’s dresser, I pull out one of his oversized t-shirts and slip it on. I quickly close the drawer as quietly as I can, then walk into Eric’s massive kitchen.  As I brew some coffee, I pick up my phone and groan when I see it’s almost dead, as I was too drunk to remember to charge it.

I go into the room that serves as Eric’s study to look for a charger. It’s a large room with a massive oak desk, with several drawers. Finally locating one, I plug my phone in then go back and make myself a cup of coffee. When I return, I see that my phone has finally turned back on. As I’m looking through my texts and messages, I glance up and my eye suddenly catches sight of a long rectangular computer chip on the end of the desk. An impulse I can’t explain comes over me, and I lean over and pick it up. My eyes grow wide when I see what’s written on it.

_Sawyer, A. Incident Investigation- Amity Detail_

My heart begins to pound. Ayden’s accident. That’s what this has to be. Clutching it tightly, I nervously glance at the door. Eric should be waking up any minute, and I don’t want him to catch me with this. I quickly move to put it back, when Max’s voice rings through my memory.

_“I’d assumed you’d seen the tapes…”_

I stop myself, as confusion settles over me. Max had assumed whatever was on this file would upset me, though I didn’t know what he meant at the time. I exhale slowly, wrestling with indecisiveness. I don’t have enough time to watch this on Eric’s computer, as he’ll be up soon. But I can’t let this go, either. This may put to rest the suspicion I had that Eric was behind it somehow….or confirm my fear that he was, and settle this once and for all.

Making a split-second decision, I quickly look down at my phone. Relieved, I see that it’s charged enough to plug in the chip. I hurriedly connect it to the drive on my phone, and hit ‘download’.  Urging it to go faster, I watch as the percentage goes up. “hurry the fuck up,” I mutter as I bite my lip and watch for the door. Just then, I hear the footsteps through the apartment. Shit. Eric is up.

Just then, my phone pings, and I look down and see ‘download complete’ flashing on the screen. I yank the chip out and and throw it across the desk, feeling like a trapped rat. Just as I pick up my phone, Eric’s large frame fills the doorway. I jerk my head up a little too eagerly, almost freezing in place.

“What are you doing in here?” he asks slowly, his eyes piercing into me. Forcing a smile to my face, I just shrug as casually as I can and wiggle my phone at him.

“I forgot to charge my phone last night, so I used your charger.”

“There’s one on my nightstand. You know that. Why are you in here?”

“I didn’t see it in your room, and I needed to charge my phone. What’s the big deal?”

Eric doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I continue to feign innocence. Finally his face relaxes, and I pick up my coffee and move to leave. “Well, it’s charged now, and I have several messages from work. I need to get to the office early, so I gotta get dressed and go,” I say a little too cheerily, and give him a fleeting kiss. Eric doesn’t budge, and continues to eye me suspiciously. I raise my brows at him, and he finally steps out of my way.

As I get dressed, I avoid his eye as much as I can. “Jade,” he finally calls. I force a nonchalant expression to my face, then turn around. “What?” I hold his gaze as he moves closer, but doesn’t speak a word. “Next time you…need a charger…just ask me where it is, okay? My office is off limits,” he states in a slightly chilly tone. I bite back a snappy response, and instead just nod.

“Jesus Eric, sorry. I just needed to charge my phone. I have no interest in being in your office, and no reason to be. Fucking relax.”

His eyes continue to bore into me, and I refuse to break contact first.  Finally, he moves closer and wraps his arms around my waist, as my hands go to his shoulder. “I want to see you tonight,” he whispers. “I think we need to talk about a few things, now that you’re in a better frame of mind to do so.” He kisses me again, and I nod. “Okay. I’ll let you know when I get home,” I agree, desperate to leave. “I gotta go,” I whisper again, giving him another kiss.

As I head for the elevator, I glance down at my phone. Eric is right, we do need to talk about a few things. And I have a feeling that whatever is on this file is going to settle things once and for all.  

 


	18. DELETED SCENE - BEGINNING OF THE END

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of the aftermath of Eric and Jade's night at Amity, and when they first set upon their affair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I know it's been a while since I updated. I had my baby last month, so things have been a little crazy :) The next chapter is in the works, and will hopefully be up soon. I offer this as a filler until that time. 
> 
> Profanity and smut. 
> 
> Enjoy!  
> -Emmy

 

Ayden gives a frustrated growl and practically slams his beer down on the rock next to him “Okay….that is fucking it,” he seethes. I immediately regret snapping at him, and give an exasperated sigh.

“Ayden, look, I’m sorry, I just-“

“Save it, Jade. I’m sick of this shit, and I’ve fucking had it.”

With that, Ayden stands abruptly and pulls me to my feet. Our friends look everywhere but at us, as an uncomfortable silence has fallen over us from our little outburst. Ayden grabs my hand and practically drags me through the sea of Dauntless in the Pit. When we get to a secluded corner, he presses me against the wall, his mouth set in a determined, angry line.

“What the fuck is a matter with you?

My mouth opens and closes, as I desperately try to come up with a plausible explanation. “Ayden, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a little tense lately, but it really is-“ Ayden immediately puts his hand up and cuts me off. “Don’t give me this bullshit ‘nothing’ answer. _Something_ is up your ass, and has been for a while. You have been an absolute bitch to me lately for no fucking reason I’m aware of, and I’m tired of it. So I’ll ask you again…” He steps closer, his vexation practically radiating from him.

“What the fuck is going on?”

My eyes drop down to the floor, as I shake my head slightly. Ayden crosses his muscular arms, puffing out his chest slightly. “Jade, I’m not going to let this go. You’ve been a different person since you became an Ambassador, and I can’t figure out why. Ever since you came back from your Amity trip, something has been off. I thought I was imagining it at first, but I’m not the only one who’s noticed you flying off the handle at the slightest little thing. We haven’t had sex in days, and whenever I try, you give me some lame excuse. There is obviously an issue with me, and Whatever it is, I want it solved now. So fucking talk….”

He keeps his steely glare on me, as I try not to panic. I try to gather my thoughts and find a way out of this for the time being. Taking a deep breath, I finally look up. “I know, and I’m sorry Ayden. It’s just….” _think of something, Jade_ , I internally order myself. Shrugging, I exhale slowly and shake my head. “I think I made a mistake in choosing to be an Ambassador,” I admit quietly, praying he buys this utter bullshit excuse. Ayden’s expression melts from anger to bewilderment, and he doesn’t say anything for a moment. Before he can probe further, I decide to have a complete outburst as a means of distraction.

“Look, I’ve been fucking up at work a lot, and I really fucked up that night at Amity, and I think maybe I’m just not cut out for this, and I don’t know how to fix it,” I whisper in a teary voice. I realize that I’m unintentionally talking about what happened with Eric and not actual work, but I decide to roll with it. At least this sounds somewhat believable, and I know from childhood experience Ayden can’t stand to see me cry.

“How are you fucking up?” He asks in a neutral tone.

“Well, you know how my mouth gets me in trouble anyway, but I’m maybe a little too Dauntless to deal with other factions.”

“Is that all?”

Ayden wraps his arm around my waist, drawing me in closer. “Look, Jade,” he begins, his tone softer this time. “I know it’s a big shift, but give yourself a little time. You only just started this position, and you’ll get used to it. But that still doesn’t explain why you’ve been the way you’ve been to me….” My heart starts to pound, as I realize I can’t very well tell him the truth.

It’s been a few days since the night at Amity, and my paranoia and guilt has fully set in. I’ve tried to tell myself to let it go, it was just an egregious error in judgment, it wasn’t my fault, I had too much peace serum….. but I can’t fully convince myself of that. If it had just been the one time that night at Amity, I would just push it to the back of my mind and chalk it up to a stupid, reckless mistake. But when it happened again the next night….

My encounters with Eric continually invade my thoughts, no matter how hard I’ve tried to forget them. I don’t know if it’s because I just don’t understand this strange pull, but I can’t stop thinking about that night. Sometimes it’s like I can still feel my skin tingling from his mouth on my body, and I’m still feeling the aftershocks from the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had…not that I would ever admit that out loud. But the worst part….

I’ve found myself thinking about Eric while having sex with Ayden.

I’ve tried to shut what happened out of my mind, but it still creeps in when I least expect it. While at work, when in the Pit, when trying to keep from being bored in a stupid meeting, etc. My mind just automatically wanders to that night. It doesn’t help that Eric seems to be everywhere I turn lately. I guess I just didn’t pay much attention before, but I can’t escape him to save my life. I’ll be in the Food Hall, or at work, or just out in general, and feel eyes on me. When I look up, there he is, fucking me ten different ways in his mind…with that absolutely infuriating smug little smirk of his. It doesn’t feel right to be intimate with Ayden, when I’m thinking of Eric, so I’ve been a little standoffish lately.

My eyes snap to his, as inspiration suddenly strikes me. “Well, you’ve been a little…busy…with that new guard in your patrol unit, so I didn’t want to bother you with my silly problem,” I say in a slightly acid tone, pulling away and crossing my arms slightly. I master a slightly disgruntled expression, and purse my lips. Ayden knits his brows together in confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

“The Candor transfer…Carly. I’ve heard you’ve really taken her under your wing…and she doesn’t seem to mind all the extra attention.”

Ayden stares at me incredulously for a long moment, then bursts into laughter. “That’s what you’ve been so pissed about?” he laughs.

“What the fuck is so funny?” I demand indignantly, and Ayden grins.

“You, being jealous when you have absolutely no reason to be…”

“No reason to be! My boyfriend is spending late nights with-“

Ayden puts his finger to my lip, shaking his head with an amused grin. “Your boyfriend is working with someone that has absolutely no interest whatsoever in me….or any man for that matter….” He trails off, and raises his brows in a telltale manner. It takes me a minute, then it dawns on me.

“Oh…she’s….”

“Yeah. She and Lauren are actually kind of a thing….have been since the night of your Initiation banquet.”

“Holy shit…”

“Yeah….they kept it quiet for a while, because Carly didn’t want Lauren to get in trouble, or anyone to think her ranking was out of favoritism. It wouldn’t have mattered because Lauren wasn’t technically her instructor, but it still looks bad. Eric would’ve had a fucking field day with it, that’s for certain.”

I immediately change the subject, as I do not want to discuss Eric in any way, shape or form with Ayden. I’m afraid he’ll see my reaction and I’ll give myself away. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I kiss his jaw and gaze up at him imploringly. “Ayden, look. I’m sorry I’ve been such a psycho bitch lately. I’m just under some stress, and yes, I was jealous of all the time you’ve been spending with Carly, that I can’t spend with you right now. Forgive me?” Thank God we’re in Dauntless and not Candor. The only part of anything I just said that was the truth, is that I’m under stress. I already know I have nothing to worry about with Carly, or anyone else.

Ayden sighs, then kisses me. “Fine. But promise me this; before you start having ridiculous, crazy hallucinations that I would ever….ever….step out on you again, fucking talk to me about it. All of this bullshit could’ve been avoided if you hadn’t just shut down like you always do.” He places his hand on the side of my face, his fingers stroking behind my ear, as a serious expression crosses his features.

“I love you, Jade, and you know that….just as you know your finger is going to have my name tattooed on it one day, probably sooner rather than later.”

Ignoring the fact that his words are causing me to panic instead of reassuring me, I quickly sigh and wrap my arms slightly tighter. "Ayden, let’s just try to have a good time tonight. I'm sick of all this heavy shit all the time. We're too young," I say with a nervous laugh. He grins. "Agreed. You ready?" I smile and nod, and he laces his fingers with mine. We walk back out to the Pit, hand in hand. As we make our way back to our friends, my skin suddenly tingles. Feeling an intense stare rove over my entire body, I look around.......

and my eyes lock with Eric's.

He's standing with his friends on the level above the floor of the Pit, drinking a beer. His eyes are practically burning into me, and he doesn't even try to break eye contact. My whole body shivers, and I force myself to look away. He was here when I got to the Pit, and I’ve felt the heat of his gaze all night. He’s enjoying making me squirm, the asshole. I’ve ignored him the best I could, but I find myself looking up at him involuntarily. Once our eyes connect, for some strange reason I can't look away. What's more alarming, is that the repulsion I feel is mixed with.....excitement.

As the night wears on, Ayden stays by my side, either with an arm wrapped around me, or his hand laced with mine. Eric won’t let up though. it’s almost as if he’s silently mocking me, enjoying my discomfort at his unwavering gaze. I feel myself getting angrier and angrier, fueled by all the alcohol.

Ayden senses my shift in mood, and leans into my ear. “You okay? What’s wrong?” I narrow my eyes and lick my lips slightly. You know what? If Eric wants to watch me so fucking badly, then the least I could do is give him something to fucking see. Without answering him, I hungrily press my mouth to Ayden’s. I feel his surprised smile against my mouth, as he returns my kiss with equal enthusiasm. He’s caught completely off guard, as he knows I absolutely abhor PDA beyond hand holding.  Rachel, standing with Leah, clears her throat humorously. "Hey, guys? If you're going to go for it right here, do you want me to hold your hair or something, Jade? Just let me know." I laugh and promptly flip her the bird. Turning back to Ayden, I peck his jaw with kisses, and lower my lids.

"You ready to get out of here?" I whisper, giving him another fleeting kiss. I feel Eric’s eyes practically burn the side of my face. Ayden wraps his arms around me fully, touching his forehead to mine. “You want to go already? It’s still early…” I grin at him wickedly, and lean into his ear.

“Well, you were right. It has been a while, and maybe just all I need is to have this bad attitude fucked out of me…”

Ayden immediately pulls back and slams his beer in one long gulp. “We’re going to go. We’ll see you guys later,” he calls over his shoulder as he laces his fingers with mine. As we walk out of the pit and to the elevators, I glance up, and immediately regret it.

My eyes lock with Eric's again. His expression is a mixture of lust and rage, sending a chill through my body. His jaw is tense, and there's no trace of humor in his face. I force myself to look away. This is really weird. It's almost as if he's.....jealous? No, I quickly dismiss that thought. Eric hates me. I'd be the last person he'd be jealous over.

I breathe a sigh of relief as we get to the elevator, and out of Eric's eye-line. I realize I’m weaving a very tangled web here, and I need to find a way to nip this in the bud now. I thought Eric would go away, he got what he wanted and that was the end of it. As we ride up to Ayden’s apartment, I resolve to just stay as far from Eric as professionally and humanly possible, and not to stress over it.

Whatever it is he wants from he, he’s not going to get.

* * *

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

I open the door to my room at the Erudite complex, kicking off my shoes with a sigh. I’m on a 2 day seminar, and tomorrow’s meetings start very early. I’m spending the night at Erudite, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have a little personal space and distance from the turmoil of my personal life at Dauntless. I decide that after I have something to eat, I’m just going to go to bed and prepare for tomorrow. At least I’ll get some sort of rest and peace tonight.

I order room service, then decide to take a shower before it gets here. My mind wanders as I stand under the spray, and as usual, wanders to my night with Eric. Closing my eyes, my hand starts to roam as I remember how he took me hard, fast, and showed no mercy. I’ve been with my fair share of Dauntless men, but none of them…..none of them….have ever been able to completely claim my body such as he did….but I’ll never admit that. I snap my eyes open, disgusted with myself.

I have to remember that Eric is a former Erudite, and very, very smart and calculating. And very, very cruel. He’s so motivated by revenge, I have no idea when his little game with me is going to end. I thought all he wanted was to destroy my relationship with Ayden, but now I’m not so sure. Why hasn’t he told him yet? Why is he dragging this out? I don’t know what it is he truly wants from me, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to be over anytime soon.

Just then, I hear a knock on the door, and sigh in relief. I’m starving, and the food at Erudite is admittedly a lot better than at Dauntless. Wrapping a towel around myself, I step out of the shower. “Come in,” I call. “Please just leave it by the window,” I ask as I hear the door open. As I’m combing out my hair, I realize I heard the door open, but I never heard it close, nor did anyone acknowledge they were there. Frowning, I make my way out of the bathroom, and shock ripples through my body.

Eric is stretched out on the bed, his massive arms behind his head.

He grins slyly, as his eyes rove over me. I’m so surprised, all I can do is stay rooted in my spot. Finally, I find my voice and clutch my towel higher. “What the fuck are you doing here!” I hiss at him, my eyes darting around the room for my clothes. I keep a gun in my bag, and I will absolutely use it if I have to. Eric sneers as he slowly sits up and swings up legs over the side of the bed. “Nice to see you too, Jade,” he scoffs.

He reaches over to the nightstand, picking up my gun. “Looking for this?” he taunts as he waves it at me, and my eyes narrow. “I’m no idiot.” He stands and tosses the empty clip on the bed. Shaking my head, I try to remain calm.  

“What the fuck are you doing here, Eric? How the fuck did you even get in?”

Eric shrugs and rolls his eyes. “I walked in the door genius…you did say it was open when I knocked. How do you think? You should be better about locking it when you’re outside of your faction,” he states in a bored tone, and my blood starts to boil. I start to inch toward the desk, where my I left my bag with my clothes.

"Go fuck yourself, Eric," I all but spit at him. I can't keep the venom out of my voice. “It still doesn’t explain why you’re here. What do you want?”

Eric walks over to the bar canister, pouring himself a glass of whiskey. He eyes me over the brim as I wait for an explanation. “I have business at the Hub, and you have business here. We have the whole night to ourselves, and this is an opportunity we shouldn’t waste.” I immediately shake my head.

“I’m not interested in any ‘opportunities’ you falsely believe there to be. Get the fuck out, Eric. This little plan of yours is not going to work.” I finally reach the desk, and grab my clothes. A flicker of confusion passes Eric’s face, gone as quickly as it came.

“What ‘plan’ would that be?”

Ignoring him, I start to get dressed. I hear him inhale sharply when I drop my towel, but I quickly change. Once I’m dressed, I walk over to the area that serves at the small kitchenette and pour my own glass of whiskey. Eric lounges in the doorway, observing me. I drink it in one long, slow gulp, feeling the burn as it cascades down my throat. We still don't speak. Finally, I turn around and look at him.

 “Spare me your bullshit, Eric. It doesn’t matter what your motivation is. I want nothing to do with you. Now get the fuck out.”

Eric smirks, shaking his head ruefully. “Has anyone ever told you that for a Dauntless born, you sure are an uptight bitch? Fucking relax. Jesus….”

Before I can retort, Eric closes the distance between us. He places his hands on the counter on either side of me, leaning in close. “I can keep a secret, Jade…..,” he whispers, his breath hot on my neck. He moves closer, reaching down and lifting me by my thighs, making me gasp. “I see no reason this can’t continue….” My hands reflexively go to his chest, as he begins to nibble behind my ear.

“I know you’ve been thinking about me, Jade. You wouldn’t have put on that little show last night if you weren’t.”

His hand moves up my thigh, pulling aside the lace of my panties. He begins to stroke the sensitive button, making my toes curl and my back arch. “Would it help if I told you I’ve been thinking about you too?” he rasps, as he begins to kiss my throat.

Before I know it, I find myself turning my face to the side of his, my hands moving up his arms. He starts to suck on the sensitive skin in the hollow part between my neck and shoulder. I bite along his jaw where it meets the tattoos on his neck, while my other hand reaches down, trailing down his abs. What the fuck am I doing, I scream at myself. Forcing myself to focus, I lean into his ear.

“Eric,” I breathe as he continues to move his mouth in a hot trail, “Despite your over-inflated ego, don’t think for one second your cock has supernatural powers or something. You don’t have the only working dick in Dauntless, and I’ve certainly had better.  The only thing I’ve been thinking about where you’re concerned, is how all the hype turned out to be a myth.”

With that I yank myself free, sliding my feet back to the ground, though he still keeps me pinned to the counter. "Let me go," I growl at him through gritted teeth. He glares for an intense second, his breathing is elevated. "Am I making you nervous, Jade? Are you afraid of me?" He taunts, still keeping me in his grip. My heart starts to pound, as his face is grazing mine, and I feel a quiver go through my body. I can't look at him. I know what'll happen if I do. I feebly try to move away from him, but he stays, not budging. "Get the fuck out of my way, Eric," I growl, finally snapping out of it and shoving him out of the way.

As I move to leave, Eric's hand reaches out and grabs my arm. I elbow him in the face with my other one, hard. I catch him right in the nose. I try to hurry out of the kitchen, but he pulls me back and grabs the back of my hair, his lips crashing down on mine. “You are so full of shit,” he hisses, when he finally breaks our kiss. He picks me up and puts me back on the counter, literally ripping my shorts and panties off. With lightning speed, he drops to his knees and buries his face between my legs, making me cry out when his tongue plunges deep inside me. As he literally fucks me with his tongue, lapping every single wall and space available, I start to see stars and my back arches fully. As he suckles my clit and starts to pump his fingers, the sensation is so intense I fall back, my head bouncing painfully against the tile of the counter. As I’m riding the wave of the aftershock, I’m completely boneless as he pulls me on to the floor with him.  

“Sorry Jade, but your pussy doesn’t lie. You want me as much as I want you, and I _will_ hear you admit it. You are fucking _soaked_ right now…”

I shake my head vigorously. I would rather be factionless than give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s right. We glare at each other, neither one yielding to the other. And then, that feeling comes over me again, the intense magnetic wanting and pull, with overpowering force. where even though I know I should stop him, that this wrong, I can’t do it to Ayden,.........

He's right. I don't want to stop him. I can't help myself.

Eric takes my mouth roughly, unrelentingly, with his, while he strips me completely bare, and I return in kind. He runs his hand over the small of my back, up my spine and into my hair. Abruptly, he flips me around so that I’m on all fours. Holding my hair in a ponytail behind me, he teases my entrance for a moment. Without warning, he plunges all the way into me with full force. He yanks my head back by my hair, so that I’m facing him upside down. He covers my lips with his as he pounds into me, his other hand gripping my ass. He lets go and pushes me forward, so that I’m on my forearms while my ass is completely offered to him. Gripping both sides, he sets a punishing rhythm and I start to feel as though he might literally fuck me into the floor below us.

After a few more hard thrusts, he lays me back down. His lips travel from the base of my throat, over my neck, my jaw and then my mouth. My hands move from his abdomen, to his heavily muscled chest, to his neck to pull him closer, while my legs instinctively part. He groans when he settles himself between me, then starts to move his mouth down my body.

I can't stop the moans from escaping as he grabs ahold of my waist and kisses down my chest, nipping at the valley between my breasts, down my navel, to my abdomen, then slides his hands down to my thighs. I think he's going to go back up the way he came, so I close my eyes and wait for his mouth to take mine again. Then I feel his mouth against my sex, again. I start to sit up, and Eric takes one massive arm and pushes me back down. Instead of hard and fast like earlier, now he’s switched to slow and torturous.  I feel his tongue start to make long, slow flicks and the sensation is indescribable. My abdomen starts to clench and the pressure builds again. My eyes start to cloud and my head spins. As I cling to his arm as if it were a life raft, my back arches uncontrollably. He puts more pressure in his assault, and I scream as his tongue plunges deep inside. I can't help but cry out as the world explodes around me.

Eric waits until the last quake is over, then slowly kisses back up my body. He ghosts over my chin, then his mouth takes mine. Running his hands between my thighs, I feel them land where his mouth just left. When I can stand it no more, I grip his arm and curse myself as a I give a silent plea with my eyes, while pushing my legs out farther. His expression hardens, and I can feel the strength of his need to be inside me matching my own. He braces himself on his forearms, both hands wind into the side of my hair. With a grunt, he plunges into me again.

My body betrays me as I can't help but wrap my legs around him as we find our rhythm. I reach under his arms with one hand and claw at his back, while the other grips his head. He kisses all over my throat and jaw while one arm reaches behind him to grip the back of my thigh, pulling him deeper. Deciding to take the reins, I lift myself up, then push him quickly onto his back. I sit astride him and take the full length of him into me until he’s sheathed to the hilt, gripping his chest. He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes, resting his head on the tile.

We stay this way for a while, with me furiously moving above him, my hair spilling around my shoulders in a wave of cascading gold. He finally grips my thighs and sits up, still inside me, wrapping both arms around the small of my back. He kisses me roughly, and lays me down on my back again. "Jade," he pants in strangled whisper, "Say it." I open my eyes and shake my head. I won't give him the satisfaction, even in the heat of the moment.

"Say it!"

"Fuck you, Eric..”

"Say it now damn it, or so help me....."

Shaking my head, my eyes narrow as he glares at me. "No, YOU say it, bitch....." I hiss at him, then clench my pelvic muscles as hard as I can. He lets out a strangled moan of my name then plunges into me as deep and hard as he can. Once again, we find our climax together, and this time it leaves me half-conscious. We stay panting on the floor for a while trying to catch our breath, and I start to doze.

Eric is the first to move, getting up with difficulty, then leaning down and scooping me into his arms. He carries me to the bed, laying me down. He gets in behind me, pulls the covers over us and wraps his arms around me. He kisses my neck as I start to fall asleep. "Rest up, Jade," he murmurs " You're going to need your strength later tonight. Don't think for a second you're going to get away with that." He snuggles into my neck.

"Fuck you, Eric. You don't own me and never will......." I grumble sleepily. I try to wriggle away, but I'm too tired to fight so I let sleep claim me.

He was true to his word. When I got up around 1am for some water, he was waiting for me wide awake when I tried to tiptoe back to bed. He took me quickly, unmercifully, and before I had time to react. Before I knew what I was doing, I said his name in a broken whisper, as I once again came so hard I was in the brink of passing out. I didn't get out of bed for the rest of the night, as my body couldn't take any more exertion. Although I must admit, I've never slept so well before.

Eric is still sleeping when I wake up earlier than I have to in the morning.  I quietly get dressed, packing up the rest of my things to check out. I pray I’m able to slip out before he wakes up. I scour my room to make sure I have everything. As I’m about to leave, I turn around to find him sitting up and smirking at me. Guilt and shame crash over me again, and I tear my eyes away and head toward the door without a word. I’ve never felt so utterly defeated…and so trapped as I do right now. Like it or not, I’m stuck in his stupid, treacherous game.

But I’ll be damned if I let him win.

 


	19. Outtake - Unfinished Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m still working on the next chapter, so I’ll probably post a few more backstories before it’s finished. Some have asked for more of Max and Tamra’s story, and they shall receive :) A familiar face appears, and that character belongs to Veronica Roth. 
> 
> No warnings, just a glimpse into Tamra’s tortured soul, and maybe a few clues about her as well. Enjoy ! 
> 
> \- Emmy

Tamra tosses the rest of her drink back, smacking her lips. “All right, that’s it I’m tapping out,” she slurs slightly. Tori purses her lips and laughs. 

“Already? Since when did you become a lightweight….”

“Not a lightweight, just know my limits. If I don’t stop now, you’ll have to drag my wasted ass home.”

“Bullshit. The Tamra Crawford I went through initiation with could drink almost anyone under the table, and be fine the next day.”

Tamra sighs. “The Tamra Crawford in initiation was also an 18-year-old, and had the energy of one. Tamra Crawford today, can barely make it to midnight without passing out.” The bartender gestures toward her, asking if she wants another round, and Tamra shakes her head. 

She turns back to Tori, gathering her jacket and phone. “Besides, I gotta get up early.” She grimaces as Tori smirks. “It’s that magical time of year again?” She teases, and Tamra groans. 

Being that she’s a Firearm instructor, she has to administer the marksmanship portion of the yearly proficiency exams that all Dauntless members are required to take. She’s dreaded it every year since she took over the range. Some make her wonder how they ever passed initiation to begin with. They couldn’t hit the broadside of an Amity barn. 

As she slides off her stool, Tori swallows a sip of her beer and her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, shit, real quick. I remember what I was going to tell you.” Tori turns to face her and winks coyly.  Tamra cocks her brow. 

“What’s that?” 

“Someone has been asking about you lately, and I’m not sure what I should tell them.” 

“Who might that be? What are they asking?” 

She takes another sip of her beer. “Evan McKinley came to get some work touched up, and we got to talking about you. He asked if you were available….” Tamra purses her lips. “He’s been asking since initiation, and my answer is the same as it always is….no.” Tori shrugs with a bewildered expression. 

“What’s wrong with Evan?”

“Nothing. I’m just not interested, though he’s been trying to change my mind for years. The guy is persistent, I’ll give him that.” 

“Well, you could just have a little fun, if nothing else.”

“That right there is the problem. Every time I ‘try to have a little fun’, it ends up being this big dramatic production. Evan is a nice enough guy, but I don’t really see him as anything more. The problem is, he does. I’d rather avoid all the drama.” 

A sympathetic look comes over Tori’s face, and Tamra regards her curiously. “What?” Tamra asks. Tori looks at her squarely, then takes a deep breath. 

“Tamra,” she begins gently. “You know I’m one of your closest friends, so please don’t hate me for overstepping my boundaries here. I know losing Tommy was hard, and you never really got over it, and I get that. He was your husband, after all. But don’t you think it’s time to get back out there? Tommy wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone forever….” 

Tamra inhales sharply, as a lump forms in her throat. Whenever someone brings up her husband, a fresh set of pain needles her heart. All it does is remind her what made him become factionless in the first place, and how she indirectly caused his ultimate demise. Tamra wrestles the memory away, and sets her jaw in a firm line. 

“Even if Tommy wouldn’t have wanted me to be alone, it doesn’t mean _I_  don’t want to be. Quite frankly, I simply don’t have any driving desire to deal with all that bullshit again. I’m fortunate to still have Jade in the same faction and in my life, and my daughter is all I need.” Tamra blinks several times, trying to force the tears from forming in the corners of her eyes. She takes a deep breath, turning to Tori again. 

“Tommy is dead and buried. I’d like to keep it that way.”

Blanching at the finality of her tone, Tori immediately sets her drink down and touches Tamra’s shoulder. “Hey, look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up….it’s just that he was asking, and he’s always been nice guy. I didn’t really know what to tell him, is all.” Tamra relaxes her expression with a sigh. “It’s okay, Tori. I know it’s coming from a good place. I just can’t fathom…ever…” Tamra trails off, as guilt pangs at her heart. Max’s face rears up through her subconscious, and she desperately swats it away. 

Her husband wasn’t the only thing dear to her heart, lost all those years ago. 

Resolving not to dwell on this any longer, she gives a wane smile. “It’s just that I can barely handle me, and my precocious daughter. I don’t have time for anything else,” she laughs, and Tori grins. “Well, Jade is the apple, and you are the tree. Seems about right.” After Tori and Tamra say their goodbyes, Tamra can’t help but chuckle at her last comment.

Tori has no idea how right she is…

As Tamra makes her way through the tunnels, she lets her mind wander a little. What’s always amazed her about Dauntless, is that not much ever changes. 

The mist of the river, the eerily lit caves, the sound of the Dauntless in the Pit, boisterous and rowdy. As Tamra turns down the path, she closes her eyes for a moment, feeling as if she had stepped back in time. A small smile pulls at her lips, as she sees several Dauntless teenagers running and laughing near the chasm, reminding her of Jade. A wistful smile appears, as a sense of nostalgia overcomes her. She can’t believe her baby is turning 19 soon…. the same age Tamra was when she had her. 

She stops by the chasm for a moment, thinking back to the day Jade was born. Recalling the moment they had placed her in Tamra’s arms at the Erudite hospital, she feels tears gather in her eyes. Tamra knew she would love her child, but had no idea just how deep and fierce that love would be. 

Once Jade opened her beautiful green eyes, staring at her mother with the curiosity of every newborn, Tamra felt her heart burst wide open and fill to the brim. She knew in that moment, that everything she had done to get to that point in her life was worth it. The secrecy, the deception, the danger of her true identity being discovered. Though she had her doubts at first, all of her choices in her younger, naïve days led her to the greatest joy she’d ever known, her daughter. That never would’ve happened if she and Natalie had never been- 

“Tamra?”

Her heart almost jumps out of her chest, as her train of thought is interrupted by an all-too-familiar voice. A voice that still haunts her dreams to this day, as well as the face it belongs to. Tamra takes a deep breath and closes her eyes momentarily. Forcing a neutral expression to her face, she turns around. 

“Hello Max,” she says quietly, with a small, tight smile.

Max is flanked on either side by two other Dauntless leaders, as well as three armed Dauntless guards. He’s stopped dead in his tracks, as several rushed moments pass between them. They all glance at each other, puzzled. Max seems to remember himself, and glances over his shoulder at them. “Go on,” he commands, “I’ll be there momentarily.” Max is the head leader of Dauntless, and explains himself to no one. The guards immediately nod, and they fall in to step beside each other. Max waits until they’re out of earshot, then turns his gaze back on Tamra.

“I thought that was you. You and Jade are getting harder and harder to tell apart,” he says after a moment with a nervous laugh. Tamra smiles. “Quite a compliment, considering Jade is will be 19 soon, though she sometimes she makes me feel as if I’ve aged 20 years overnight. Damn Dauntless girls,” Tamra laughs. Max gives a slightly painful smile. “Well, she is her mother’s daughter for certain. Sometimes she reminds me so much of you, I forget you’re two separate people,” he confesses in a slightly low voice. 

That strange, crackling energy starts strumming between them, and both are at a loss for words for a minute. They haven’t had a real conversation in years, and the last one didn’t end so well. The last one resulted in both of them screaming obscenities at each other in rage and heartbreak. 

Tamra forces herself to push those thoughts from her mind, as an awkward silence falls between them. She turns back toward the chasm, looking everywhere but at him. She feels, rather than sees, Max move closer to her as they both look out at the water below for a moment. Tamra takes a deep breath, then clears her throat. 

“Max….I….I’ve been meaning to thank you for your help with Jade, and that whole situation. I know you didn’t have to do that, and it meant a lot that you did,” Tamra declares quietly, finally looking up and giving a small smile. As their eyes lock, both of their expressions drain as the air charges between them. Her heart beats faster, and his chest visibly rises and falls. Finally, Max breaks the silence. 

“Tamra,” he all but whispers, “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. That will never change.” 

Tamra feels like her heart has ballooned in her chest, as time seems to freeze. Nine years’ worth of suppressed longing and regret start to rise up, and she suddenly feels as if she’s about to suffocate. 

_Don’t do this to yourself Tamra_ , she silently command, but it’s like she’s in a trance. With their eyes still locked Max steps even closer, until his proximity makes every fiber of her being tingle. Max has always had this effect on her, and she feels that same pull to him she felt all those years ago, tugging at her heart and clouding her mind. “Let me walk you home,” he whispers, his eyes searching her face. She forces a nonchalant smile, and shakes her head. 

“I appreciate it Max, but really, I’m fine. That’s not necessary.”

“I know it’s not, Tamra…but I think it’s something we both need to do.” 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea…”

“Why not?”

Tamra inhales sharply. “You know why not,” she finally whispers, forcing her eyes away. No further explanation is needed, as both know what will eventually happen if they’re alone, away from prying eyes. It’s what’s always happened, whenever they tried to communicate. ‘Talking’ is the very last thing that would occur if they got behind closed doors. 

After a moment, Max hooks a finger under her chin, bringing her face back to his. 

“Tamra,” he utters in a low, smoky voice, “It’s been nine years now. Don’t you think it’s time we cleared the air?” 

As she and Max stare each other down, it happens again. The white-hot, blinding rage, grief and guilt she kept buried for nine years, gaslighted by the alcohol muddling her brain, comes roaring to the surface out of nowhere. All her painful memories of the fallout of their affair rush at her like a speeding train. Tamra squeezes her eyes shut, inhaling sharply. Concern crosses Max’s features. “Tamra….” He reaches for her, and she visibly recoils. His breath hitches in his throat as fury clouds her eyes, and her features harden. 

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s been 9 years. 9 years I’ve had to watch Jade grow up without her father. 9 years since I’ve had to listen to my baby cry at night and grieve the loss of her daddy. 9 years I’ve had to watch her dread Christmas, when she used to love it. 9 years since my little girl has had to go through major milestones without him present. He wasn’t there to watch her graduate from school. He wasn’t there to see her rank first in initiation. He won’t be there to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. He won’t be there to see his grandchildren….all because of us, and a selfish decision.” Tamra forces herself to take a deep breath and try to gain some composure, but she’s too overwhelmed in the moment. 

Max is rendered speechless. He’s understandably shocked, as Tamra’s outburst came out of nowhere. His mouth opens and closes, as he tries to find his voice. Tamra can no longer keep her emotions in check, and her eyes fill with desperate, angry tears. “There’s no point in us talking about anything, Max. What’s done is done. Nothing we say to each other now matters, or changes anything.” Tamra swallows the painful lump in her throat, as Max inhales sharply, desperately trying to figure out what to say. 

“We can’t get that time back, and if it’s all the same, I’d rather not relive it anyway, so I’ll just be on my way. Please don’t follow me.” With that, Tamra turns on her heel, quickly making her way through the cavernous path. 

As soon as she is out of public sight, she lets go. A low, guttural cry escapes her as she slumps down on the floor, her back against the wall. Speaking to Max again opened a fresh set of wounds she thought were healed years ago. Despite the venom she just spewed at him, despite all the pain and heartbreak their affair brought, despite everything it had cost her, one thing hasn’t changed, and never will. 

She’s still very much in love with Max, and always will be. She’ll never escape. 

She feels like the walls are closing in on her, and she has to get out of here. Springing to her feet, Tamra hurriedly changes directions, practically sprinting to the tunnel leading out of the compound. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she gets the similar feeling of running away from the looming ghost of all her past transgressions. She has to get some air. 

She tries to catch her breath as she heads for the train tracks, looking up into the late night sky as the train whistle sounds in the distance.  _When will this end_?! Her mind cries desperately. She thought her pain would subside with each passing year, but this crushing grief she feels at all she’s lost is threatening to consume her from the inside out, fresh as the day it happened all those years ago. 

Something has to give. 

Just then, the train rolls through, and Tamra sighs with relief. As it slows, she hurriedly jumps into the first car and sinks down against the side. She stares into the night sky as it starts to roll on the tracks, feeling some relief at being away from the compound and her memories, if only for a little while. She shakes her head sadly. 

No matter how far or fast she runs, it’ll never be far enough.


	20. Vanishing Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The matter of Ayden's accident is settled once and for all, though Jade has an unexpected reaction. She gets a little tough love from her friends, and Eric surprises himself. Eric's POV is added, and his timeline of events runs parallel to Jade's at the end. 
> 
> Warnings: language, verbal abuse, sexual situation, angst, mentions of suicide 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

Ashley is sitting at her desk when I get to my office. She looks up from organizing my schedule, taking note of my no-nonsense expression and sense of urgency. “Hey,” she greets curiously, and I get straight to the point. I need to see what’s on this file, but I have a busy workload today. This is going to have to wait until I can squeeze it in.

“Hey. When is my last meeting for the day?”

“It looks like….3:30 pm, with Timothy, the Ambassador from Candor.”

“About what?”

She taps the file on the screen, then looks back to me. “He’s coordinating a press release about the increasing factionless uprisings in the city, and what Dauntless is doing about it. He needs a statement from you to print.” I shake my head no.  

“Cancel it. A meeting isn’t necessary. Go over my notes from our last faction rotation report, and write one. I’ll review it, and once approved, send it to him.”

“Okay…”

“Also, I am under no circumstance to be disturbed today, unless Max needs me. Anyone else will have to wait.”

 Ashley smirks for a second. “Even Eric?” she teases playfully, then stops when I don’t laugh with her. “Especially Eric.” She doesn’t say anything for a moment, just types in my instruction. “Everything all right, Jade?” She finally asks in a cautious tone. I swallow the lump in my throat and head into my office. “There’s just something that needs my undivided attention, and I can’t be distracted,” I call over my shoulder.

I shut the door, and hurriedly sit down at my desk. Plugging my phone to my computer, an icon pops up. Once I click on it, what looks like a video appears. I’m surprised, as I was expecting a typed report. Just as I’m about to hit ‘play’, my anxiety level suddenly spikes. I stare at my computer screen, all of a sudden not certain I should do this. I might be opening Pandora’s Box. As I sit here second-guessing my decision, part of me wonders if I should just delete and forget it existed. Questions attack me, as I wrestle with what to do.

Is ignorance really bliss? Do I really want to know what’s on here?

What if Eric was behind it….what if he wasn’t…

If he’s innocent, what will that mean?

Just then, I jump as an e-mail pings through, giving me a welcome distraction. I do have a job to do, and my personal life is going to have to wait. I’ll just watch it later, I reassure myself. I go about my day, getting my work done as quickly as possible, all the while glancing at that little icon. It possibly holds the answer to everything, but I can’t shake this bad feeling about it. After completing my last task, I run out of excuses. Taking a deep breath, I brush my fingers over it, once more hesitating. Whatever is on this video can’t be unseen….I shake my head with an irritable sigh, disgusted with myself. 

“Just play the fucking thing,” I snap out loud.  

 I press play before I can stop myself. The screen lights up, and my heart starts to pound. Surveillance footage from the train. This is from the day Ayden got hurt.

At first, it’s just an empty car, so I fast forward a little bit. Getting impatient, I finally stop when the guys board. Studying Ayden for a moment, I notice something is definitely off. He’s staring forward, not really paying attention to the other guys. His eyes are glassy, and his face holds a dead, blank look. It’s almost as if he’s a zombie. Otherwise, it’s nothing suspicious. The guys are talking for a minute, then Ayden appears to say something. Logan reaches into his jacket, then Ayden starts to walk. But instead of stopping when he reaches him, what the guys said was true.

Ayden walks off the train completely, without anyone touching him. He did it on his own.

Tears well in my eyes, and I squeeze them shut. Eric is innocent. He had nothing to do with it. No one pushed Ayden, threatened Ayden, nothing. He either wasn’t paying attention and it really was an accident, or…guilt stabs me as I consider the alternative.

He purposely jumped.

This tape was recorded a few days after Ayden visited me at Dauntless, and presumably when he discovered my affair with Eric. I didn’t think Ayden would ever be the type to commit suicide, but the proof is right here. They guys were right; Ayden looks like he walked off the train on purpose.

“Oh,” I begin to sob as guilt attacks me. Putting my hands over my face, I desperately try to wipe away the tears streaming down my face. I broke Ayden’s heart…if he did try to kill himself, this is my fault. All my fault.

Grateful that my office door is closed, I silently let my tears go as my grief takes over. I was so desperate to believe that Eric was somehow behind this, when it was basically impossible. I let myself completely break with reality. I’ve been entirely deluded this whole time, and so many people have suffered for it. Self-hatred and loathing start to burn through me, as I realize how much damage has been done. All because of one ugly self-truth.

I’m just a pathetic…weak… _whore_.

As I try to gather my composure, another question suddenly arises. Eric had nothing to do with this, and I accused him of basically trying to murder Ayden. He’s had proof of his innocence this whole time, and he could’ve settled this once and for all.

Why did he hide this from me?

As I ponder that fact, a moving image catches my eye. The footage didn’t end after the train accident. I roll my chair closer, leaning my arms on my desk. The camera has now cut to what looks like an old barn, and its nighttime. This was before his accident, as Ayden’s face has just appeared on the screen. As I watch in confusion, Ayden stumbles down the hallway and almost falls into a door. He’s obviously very, very drunk, and can barely stand. This must be where his quarters are. I knit my brows together. Why is this included in the investigation?

Ayden tries unsuccessfully to open his door, and he looks up for a minute. My breath catches at the expression on his face. He’s tense, he’s angry, and The pain in his eyes is evident, at least to me. My eyes drop to the corner of the screen, where the recorded date is shown…

This is right after he found out.

Ayden props himself up on the doorframe for a minute. Anger suddenly masks his features, and all of a sudden, he punches the door. Starting to feel sick, I decide I don’t want to watch any longer. Just as I’m about to turn it off, I see Casey, a Dauntless guard, make her way down the hall. She stumbles into Ayden, whispering in his ear. As I watch in disbelief, Casey leans in and kisses him. Ayden stiffens in surprise. After a moment, he kisses her back.  Casey takes his hand and leads him into a room, then shuts the door.

I feel like I’m in a trance, as several other clips play...all of Ayden with other women. Some Amity, some Dauntless. All different times, all different women. He’s drunk and looks angry in all of them. Finally, the video stops, and I just stare blankly at my computer.

As I sit here trying to process my feelings, I’m strangely numb. I don’t even know if I have a right to be upset or angry. Quite frankly, I got what I deserve. None of this would’ve happened if I had just had the will and good sense to stay away from Eric. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t pushed Eric’s buttons, setting this in motion. Suddenly, a painful suspicion starts to snake its way through my mind.

Did Eric know Ayden would do this? Did he set him up to do it?

 _He works for me. I’m always aware of what goes on with my soldiers…_ _You may think you know him, but you have no fucking clue_ ….Eric’s voice suddenly rings through my memory.

He’s known this whole time, and has been laughing at me behind my back…he made a fool out of me.

Eric may not have had anything to do with Ayden’s accident, but he sure as fuck was the reason Ayden was put in Amity in the first place. He set him up…he’s been planning to humiliate me from the beginning. This must’ve been his plan; make me stupidly believe he ever cared about me, then drop this little bomb… That’s the only reason he would have this…the only reason he would have it filmed…how many people has he watched this with, and laughed at my expense?

I rest my head on the back of my chair, completely disgusted with myself. How could I have been so stupid? I told Eric that he would never make a fool of me again, and that’s just what I let him do. I consider myself an intelligent woman, but for some reason, I do ‘stupid’ really well….

When the fuck am I ever going to learn?

* * *

I let myself into my apartment, still reeling from the day’s events. I pull a bottle of water out of my fridge and place both of my hands on the counter, staring blankly out the window. I just can’t wrap my head around this. It feels like a fucking nightmare. I can’t face Eric right now, as I don’t want a repeat of our fight.

Just then, the faint scent of cigarette smoke grazes me, and I whip my eyes to my balcony. I feel my blood start to boil all over again, and my hands clench into fists. After a moment or two, the door slides back and Eric walks through it. Fury starts to cloud my vision, but I force myself to remain calm. I train a steely gaze on him through narrowed eyes, as he tosses the butt over the side. He starts toward me, but stops when he sees my expression.

“Why aren’t you answering my texts,” he demands with no preamble. I remain silent, gripping the counter so hard my knuckles turn white.  Closing my eyes, I silently will myself to remain calm and not let him get the best of me. I will not give him the satisfaction of making me lose control again. Still facing away, my entire posture remains tense. I close my eyes and clench my teeth.

“Get out, Eric,” I seethe.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and my pulse begins to race. “Why?” I don’t answer him, inhaling and exhaling heavily. I’m practically shaking with rage, and it’s taking all my self-control right now not to lose my shit. “Answer me, Jade….” I still say nothing.

“What is your fucking problem? What did I supposedly do now?” he angrily demands. I hear the thump of his boots on the tile, until they stop just behind me. He grips my elbow and turns me to face him. Wrenching my arm away, I clench my teeth as I once more nod toward the door.

“Are you fucking deaf as well as an asshole? _Get…the fuck…out_!”

I shove against his chest with all of my might. Eric stumbles back, shock and confusion evident on his face. He shakes his head, then recovers and reaches for me again. My hands clench into fists beside me, and before I know it, I raise my hand to strike. Eric stops dead in his tracks, both of us breathing hard as we stare each other down. I finally lower my fist and take a deep breath. Eric stays rooted in his spot, keeping a piercing glare on me.

“Jade…. what the fuck is the matter with you…. what is going on…” he utters in a low voice. Rage is simmering in every fiber of my being, and flashbacks of our last horrible fight suddenly attack me. I’m not eager to repeat that night, and I need to calm down. As I struggle to form the right words, I realize I won’t be able to. Instead, I storm over to my kitchen table and snatch my phone. Holding the screen so he can see, I press play.

“ _This_ ….is what the fuck is a matter,” I hiss.

Eric’s eyes slowly drop to the screen as it lights up. A heavy silence falls between us, as my wrath continues to grow. Eric’s gaze is transfixed, his features beginning to harden. His eyes are filled with accusation and what seems to be a cold anger as he brings them up to mine.

“How did you get this,” he demands in a low voice, his brow creased. “This was…” realization hits him, and he inhales sharply. “There’s only one file, and only I had it…. There’s only one place you could’ve gotten this.” I place my hands on my hips and mentally prepare myself as he steps closer, his frigid stare practically freezing the entire room.  “You _were_ snooping... You stole this,” he rumbles lowly. I toss my phone on my table in disgust.

“Never mind how I got it. That’s hardly the fucking issue here Eric,” I spit at him as I cross my arms. His face instantly sets into a hardened mask, as I see him mentally calculating. Taking a step towards him, my face twists in a furious snarl. Eric’s icy demeanor remains intact as I level him with my glare.

“What is the issue here then, Jade?” He finally asks in an even voice.

His feigned innocence pisses me off even more. He’s mocking me, and it only fuels my already burning rage. “I guess I should congratulate you on a job well done. Your plan finally came to fruition,” I fume as he narrows his eyes in confusion. He shakes his head, his eyes roving over me as if the answer is somewhere on me, he just can’t see it. He shrugs and shakes his head.

“What ‘plan’? What the fuck are you talking about? You’re acting even crazier than usual…”

My eyes flare in rage, and I can no longer hold back. “You know something, Eric? Maybe instead of being angry, I should just be relieved.  I mean, you finally got what you wanted, so I assume you no longer have any use for me and will finally just _get the fuck out of my life_!” My heart is racing to the point I think I might actually pass out. Eric still says nothing, but a cold, analyzing look is starting to ice over. With a sarcastic chuckle, I just cross my arms and glare at him with open contempt.

“I can only imagine how much fucking fun you had with this. Did you enjoy making a fool out of me?”

I swallow the lump in my throat as he steps closer, but makes no move to touch me. I realize he’s about to use one of his greatest strengths; intimidation. He used it on initiates during training, and it still has the same effect now, as it did then. I will not concede.

 “I’m only going to ask you one more time. I obviously don’t know what you’re talking about, so use your words like a big girl, and for _fuck’s sake_ , tell me what the hell is going on… _now_ ,” he commands in a deadly low tone. That’s it. I step closer, until our faces are mere inches apart. His eyes flick to my lips, and I ignore the clenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. Focus, I order myself sternly.

“What’s going on, _you piece of shit_ , is that you set this whole fucking thing up. You sent Ayden to Amity with the sole intent of ripping us apart, and you succeeded….and you were sick enough to have it filmed! Tell me, when exactly were you planning to humiliate me?”

"what the fuck does that mean?" Then it dawns on him. "Wait...you think I put him up to it?"

"Didn't you?"

The tension is thick enough to cut with a knife, as Eric shakes his head. “So let me get this straight. You find out your ex-fiancé, that you were cheating on for months…was getting his dick wet every chance he got …found out by stealing a confidential file from me….and somehow _I’m_ to blame for that?” he whispers incredulously. Completely ignoring the sensibility of what he’s saying, I press on. “This originated with you! It never would’ve happened had you not set out to destroy me! Well…..congratu-fucking-lations, you’ve finally done it!” I scream desperately, cursing the tears springing to my eyes.

Eric seems to remember himself, and immediately composes his face into a stoic mask. “So you think I somehow managed to make him fuck any female hole that would have him, and he had no say in the matter? Does that about sum it up?” He waits for my answer, but I just glare at him.

“Jesus Christ, are you _fucked in the head_ ,” he finally roars.

“Oh, I’m fucked in the head? You’ve been secretly compiling this little gem-” I gesture toward my phone “to use against me at a time of your choice, and I’m the one fucked in the head? Look in the fucking mirror!”

 I angrily turn away and take a few steps back, wisely putting some distance between us. I take a deep breath and again force myself to calm down. Turning back around, I look down for a minute, then back at him. “If you were truly innocent in all of this, you wouldn’t have hid it from me. Why do you even have this, Eric? When were you planning to use this little weapon of mass destruction?” I demand angrily.

Eric glowers as we face off, and my heart rate spikes. We’re both as angry as we were the night I left, and I don’t want things to get out of control again. His hands clench at his sides, and his jaw muscles start jumping out.

“Not that I have to explain a Goddamn fucking thing to you, but let me remind you of a few imperative facts; I am a Dauntless leader, and he worked for me. This was an official investigation…a confidential investigation…and had nothing to do with you. His accident was considered suspicious. As you can see...Ayden may have had a few enemies in the form of scorned women that didn’t take kindly to being used. All angles had to be covered. Why the fuck would I tell you _that_?” His eyes start to glitter dangerously. I’m at a complete loss for words.

“There was no reason to. It’s none of your fucking business!” he snarls.

“None of my business! He was my fiancé, and I had a right to-“

 Eric immediately cuts me off. “So sorry to shatter your narcissistic illusion of self-importance here, but you what you have a right to, is _jack-fucking-shit_ when it comes to me doing my job, as hard as that may be to believe. How the council _as a whole_ …not just me…decides to handle a matter within the faction, has _fuck all_ to do with you. Council business is just that; council business, and _none of yours_.”

 Eric takes a menacing step toward me, and my heart practically stops beating in my chest.

“As for when I was ‘planning to use this against you’ …I wasn’t. What happened was ruled an accident with possible suicide attempt, and the book was closed. It was over. There was no need for you to know….but you just couldn’t leave well enough alone….don’t blame me for seeing something you were never intended to.”

The temperature between us falls to sub-zero, as I swallow thickly. “You’re completely full of shit,” I whisper, looking down. “You were planning to somehow use this against me….if not you would’ve told me…” A small voice in the back of my head is telling me to be reasonable, but I can’t accept that he was innocent. 

With a mirthless chuckle, Eric shakes his head disbelievingly. “You know what? Believe me or don’t, I don’t give a shit. It doesn’t matter what I say here, nor do I owe you any explanations for anything. You’ve already made up your mind. There’s no point. You aren’t fucking worth it anyway. You want to believe that your precious Ayden is a fucking saint that can do no wrong, go ahead. But I will say this.”

He finally turns a furious eye on me, then continues.

“Since you're so into the truth, let me give you a little bit of it about yourself: You're a _crazy bitch_ that's completely deluded. You're immature, blind, and quite frankly, _stupid_. You play these asinine games, thinking the bullshit you probably pulled on _boys_ , will work on _men_. Sorry you discovered it won’t….no wonder Ayden got sick of your shit, and started looking for pussy elsewhere.”

Eric and I stare each other down, and I refuse to look away. "Thank you," I whisper after a moment. "Thank you for finally dropping this whole bullshit act and reminding me of the kind of man you really are. I was right from the very beginning.” I curse the shakiness of my voice.

Eric leans in slightly, and my heart freezes. “And thank _you_ , Jade, reminding me of what a sanctimonious cunt _you_ really are.”

His words cut through me like a knife, but I’m determined to not give him the satisfaction. Eric’s eyes flicker for a moment and his jaw clenches. Looking me up and down with disdain, he silently shakes his head and clicks his tongue against his teeth. He turns and walks toward the door, then stopping for a moment when he turns the handle.

“Remember Jade… _you’re_ the one who wanted it this way.”

He silently stalks off, slamming the door behind him. I wait for a few more moments until I’m certain he won’t come back. Walking into my bedroom, I sit on the edge of my bed. As the numbness slowly starts to fade, the magnitude of what just happened hits me. Ayden is done with me, and now so is Eric. It’s over. It’s really over. Instead of feeling relief though, I feel weighed down and tired.

I feel like I’ve lost everything.

* * *

 

**A FEW DAYS LATER**

I slowly exhale in concentration. Pulling the trigger, I hit the target bullseye. I turn back to the girls, who are all watching me. “So yeah, the mother fucker facilitated the whole thing, and was laughing at me behind my back the whole time,” I growl. I start to reload, then look up to see them glancing at each other. I just told them about my fight with Eric, and I’m still a little on edge. We had some time to kill, so we came out to the range. Although as upset as I still am, I’m not sure I should have guns so easily accessible.

“Okay…hold on…back up at second,” Samantha says. With a pensive expression, she puts her gun down and turns. “I just want to make sure I understand you correctly.” She glances at Rachel; a silent message is being passed between them. She clears her throat, then continues.

“You were going through Eric’s shit and found this file…. copied it to your phone… found out that Ayden was fucking everything that moved…and got mad at… _Eric?_ ” She shakes her head in confusion. “Is there another part of the story you forgot to mention? I’m lost….”

I narrow my eyes slightly.  I feel like an unspoken conversation is going on between them, on which I’m not included. “He knew the whole time what Ayden was doing, and he set him up to do it. It was his plan all along. That’s why I’m pissed.”

“ _That’s_ why you’re pissed,” Ashley repeats, furrowing her brow. “Okay just to clarify…because Ayden was fucking around, you broke up with … _Eric_?”  Her tone rubs me the wrong way and I cut my eyes sharply.

“He purposely set out to destroy me through Ayden, and I have every right to be upset….and I didn’t ‘break up’ with Eric…we were never together.”

All of them shake their heads disapprovingly. Glowering back, my irritation grows. “What?” I snap. Glancing at each other, finally Rachel speaks up. “Okay, I’m just going to say it. Please don’t hate me, but I’m going to tell you my honest opinion here,” She nervously brushes her hair behind her ear. Caught slightly off guard, I wait for her to continue.

“Jade… you’re one of my best friends, and in any other situation, I’d have your back no matter what. But I’m sorry, I kinda have to side with Eric on this. I really think you fucked up pretty bad, actually,” she admits sheepishly, and my jaw drops open slightly.

“How did _I_ fuck up?! He’s the one that kept this from me and lied to me! How the fuck can you take his side?! He’s completely wrong-“

Ashley cuts in. “What did he lie to you about? I’m confused as well…what exactly did Eric do wrong?” I snap my eyes to her, clenching my teeth angrily. “He knew what Ayden was doing. He was laughing at me, sitting back and enjoying watching my relationship crumble-“

“How do you know that’s what he was doing?” Samantha cuts in, and my eyes whip to hers.

“What?”

“How do you know he was laughing at you? Don’t you think if this is something he’d have taunted you with, he’d have thrown it in your face the first chance he had? He didn’t say a word, and you were none the wiser until you went snooping…finding something in a room you shouldn’t have been in...”

My eyes narrow, and I give an exasperated sigh. I’m suddenly feeling very defensive, as what she says is echoing that little voice. “I wasn’t snooping. I was charging my phone and happened to see it in there. I admit that I shouldn’t have taken it, but c’mon. Any of you would’ve done the exact same thing.” They glance at each other again, and I feel myself getting more and more worked up. I raise my brow in challenge, but they aren’t backing down. 

“Jade,” Leah starts, and I know to be on my guard. She has that look that says I’m-about-to-mind-fuck-you-with-my-Candor-bullshit. “I have a simple question. What are you mainly upset about? What’s bothering you the most?” I throw my hands in the air in frustration.

“What the fuck do you think? Eric set Ayden up to do…what he did…he sent Ayden to Amity with the sole intent of coming between us, and it worked.” I cross my arms and glare. An uneasy feeling is starting to settle in the pit of my stomach, as the more I say it out loud, my theory doesn’t seem as solid as it did before.

Leah sighs, shaking her head. “See, that’s what’s interesting here, Jade. I would’ve thought you’d be most upset about Ayden cheating….do you even really give a shit that he was screwing around? I have to guess no, as you really haven’t brought it up at all, and that should be the root issue here. Not Eric ‘keeping it from you’ or whatever you think his intentions were. In fact, it seems that Ayden has very little to do with this at all. The only thing you seem to be focused on is Eric, and what you think he should’ve done, or not done.” 

Rachel nods her head in agreement. “The way I see it, Eric did exactly what he should’ve …. which is nothing.”

My jaw drops and my eyes round in furious disbelief. “How can you say that?” I demand incredulously. Rachel squares her shoulders and visibly gathers her courage to continue. “You kept telling him that it was none of his business and to stay out of your relationship with Ayden. That’s exactly what he did, and now you’re pissed? It wasn’t his place or responsibility to tell you. You’re not making sense ….” Leah nods, backing her up.

“Jade, something you have to ask yourself. If Eric _had_ told you, would you have believed him? What do you think your reaction would’ve been?” Leah probes intently, and all of them turn expectant gazes on me. I open my mouth to retort, but nothing comes out. Leah nods, her eyes locked with mine, as if reading my thoughts. “Exactly. You would’ve called him a liar, and probably wouldn’t have believed him even if he showed you that tape himself. You’d have made up some excuse as to why it wasn’t real.”

 “Jade,” Ashley begins gently, “While I agree that you have a right to be upset, you do realize that your anger is a little misplaced here. Instead of being angry at Ayden for something he did of his own free will, you’re somehow blaming _Eric_ for it? How is Eric responsible for Ayden deciding to fuck anything that would fuck him at Amity?”

 “Because Ayden never would’ve been at Amity if Eric hadn’t set this whole fucking thing up! He wanted to tear us apart-“

Ashley puts her hand up to interrupt. “Jade, _listen to yourself_. Again, you are completely glossing over that Ayden was fucking around, and trying to make it Eric’s fault someway, somehow. Why aren’t you pissed at Ayden for what _Ayden…not Eric…Ayden_ did?” She waits for my answer, but I can’t give her one. 

 “You’re projecting this on Eric.” She shrugs, while turning up her palms. “Even if Eric had set it up…. doesn’t really sound like he did, to be honest…. he didn’t make him fuck anyone. Even if he knew what would happen by putting him in Amity….which you don’t know for certain that he would… Ayden made that choice. That’s on him, not Eric. So again, why are you mad at _Eric_ , for _Ayden_ cheating? I agree with Rachel. That doesn’t really make sense…”

Samantha makes a small ‘thank you’ waving motion with her hand. “With all that being said Jade, let me just throw this out there as well; Eric is a Dauntless leader, and did not get that way by letting his personal life interfere with his professional one. He may have had slight motivation for choosing Ayden to be deployed to Amity, but he’s not going to risk his job for someone that keeps telling him ‘we aren’t a thing, we’re just fucking’.  That’s not how guys like Eric operate….” I shake my head stubbornly. 

“But Eric still should’ve told me-“

“Why? _You wouldn’t have believed him_. What purpose would that have served him or you?” Rachel challenges.

I swallow the lump in my throat, refusing to acknowledge their sound arguments. Shaking my head furiously, I glare through narrowed eyes. “I cannot believe you guys,” I hiss. “You’re supposed to be my friends, and you’re turning this around on me, for whatever reason-” Samantha cuts me off mid-sentence.

“Jade… we _are_ your friends…so please see that all we’re trying to do is get you to pull your head out of your ass and _stop getting in your own way_.”

I gape at her in stunned silence. I take a step toward her, and she gulps. I’m pissed off and still holding my gun, so she’s right to be nervous. I hastily put it down and face the four of them, placing my hands on my hips. “What the fuck does that even mean? How am I ‘getting in my own way’? Enlighten me,” I demand in a heated tone. All four of them avoid my eye for a moment, then Rachel takes a deep breath.

“We’re not ganging up on you. We’re just helping to provide some objective standpoints.” Looking at me intently, she continues. “Jade, I’ve known you since we were little kids, and I’ve seen you do this exact same thing countless times, but I know it’s for a different reason this one.” My full attention is captured.

“What am I doing? What reason would that be?”

“Normally, when you got bored and just wanted out, you would find something, anything wrong with him, no matter how trivial. You used it as an excuse to end things. But that’s not your reason with Eric." 

“I admit I may have done that in the past, but that’s not what I’m doing here-”

“Yes it is, Jade. But now you aren’t doing it because you’re bored. This time you’re doing it because you’re scared.”

“Scared? Scared of what?” I demand indignantly.

Rachel takes a sip of water then points the tip of the bottle at me, pursing her lips in a grim smile. “You are so scared of commitment, you are subconsciously bound and determined to sabotage it. But it won’t be that easy for you this time, because you, my love, have finally met your match and you know it….even if you’re too stubborn to admit it.”

I scoff, quickly looking away. “That’s completely insane,” I mutter. Even though the spring day is fairly cool, I suddenly feel hot and clammy. I take a swig of water. “Eric and I are far from being a match. We can’t go ten minutes without arguing.” Leah suddenly smirks wryly.

“You can’t go ten minutes without fucking, either. Like it or not, Jade, you and Eric are a pair. You just don’t want to admit it, but it’s the truth. But if you don’t fix this, it won’t matter.”

My pulse starts to race, and I desperately try to think of a plausible rebuttal. But Leah’s words finally break through some barrier in me, and tears start to well in my eyes. I finally admit defeat. All four of their faces immediately soften, and they take their places by my side. “Fuck,” I whisper, rubbing my forehead. They’re right, all them. Even if Eric had set up Ayden, it was ultimately Ayden that made that choice. This wasn’t Eric’s fault, as desperate as I was for it to be. Rachel was right.

I fucked up, and fucked up badly.

 Samantha puts her hand on my shoulder. “Look Jade, ultimately, this is your life and your choice, and we aren’t going to get on your case about it. But the bottom line is this.” She turns a serious eye on me, I gaze back at her bleakly.

“If what you have with him is worth saving, it’s on you to make it right. If Eric matters to you, fix it. If he doesn’t, then don’t. But make a decision, before it’s too late and you no longer have options.”

* * *

Later that night, I stare at my phone as I sit on my bed. It’s late, and I have to work tomorrow, but there’s no point in trying to sleep….I’ve been tossing and turning since the night Eric and I had our fight.

The fight that was my fault.

Curling my knees to my chest, a nervous vibe begins to hum through my body, and my hands shake slightly. Why is this so hard? I’ve been trying to muster up the nerve to just call Eric and apologize, but I can’t seem to do it. Partially because my head is telling me that this is for the best, that no good can come of this, and to be smart and just get out while I can.

 My heart, however, is scared that it no longer matters and that Eric will crush it into a million pieces by rejecting me. He can only hurt me if I let him. But I won’t know unless I at least try…

Shaking my head in disgust, I snatch my phone. “Stop being a pussy and call him. Just pick it up and do it…” I mutter, dialing Eric’s code before I can stop myself. It rings for a moment, then a strange sound chirps in my ear. My heart sinks as I realize what the sound means.

It means the code can’t receive a signal, or you’ve been blocked from dialing it.

Completely numb, I just stare at the ceiling for a moment. I guess I have my answer. This isn’t fixable, and whatever Eric and I were, is over now.  I force myself to go through the motions of getting ready for bed, changing and brushing my teeth. Once I slip under the covers though, I feel his absence beside me with a physical ache. When I stretch my arm out, running my hand on the space I used to think of as his side of the bed, I finally break. Deep sobs rack my entire body as my tears stain the pillow under me. Even though we're done with each other......and he was never really mine to begin with.......it doesn't hurt any less than a real break up. It looks like Samantha was right.

It’s too late, and I no longer have options.

* * *

 

**ERIC**

Eric stalks back to the Dauntless headquarters, pissed off and tired from an already long day. Several people scurry out of his way as he passes, not wanting to be caught up in his famous temper. It’s obvious that the wrong person is going to set him off any minute. He gets to his office and doesn’t bother to acknowledge anyone, and they tactfully ignore him as well. He turns on his computer and looks over his schedule, relieved to see he has no more meetings. He closes his eyes momentarily as yawns attack him. He hasn’t been sleeping well lately, and it only worsens his already foul mood.

He can’t sleep, because Jade hasn’t been in his bed.

He hasn’t seen Jade since he left her apartment. Not at the food hall, not out in the complex or the Dauntless sector of the city, nowhere. She’s made herself very scarce, which pisses him off more. Even though that isn’t what he wants, he refuses to be the one chasing her this time.  

 _She’s_ the one that fucked up. It’s on her to fix it….if she even will.

Eric swears under his breath and takes a sip of his water, thinking back to the other night. He knows he probably went too far, and definitely said things he didn’t mean, but this didn’t work out the way he thought it would. He didn’t think she’d be completely fucking delusional, and actually blame him.

Foul play was initially suspected in Ayden’s accident. Since it happened at Amity, a source of recent factionless attacks, all security data from around their compound had been pulled. At first it was the boring and ordinary surveillance, not worth his attention. There was no way Ayden’s ‘accident’ could be traced back to him, so he wasn’t concerned. But Eric is not one to gamble with his career, and he wanted to make sure all his bases were covered. Though satisfied that there was no trace of evidence against him, he still mentally went over any possible link. He decided to pull the footage from the day he’d seen Ayden, to make sure his little visit couldn’t be construed as malicious in some form. Just then, it had hit him.

The Dauntless council had decreed that since Amity had been under constant assault from the factionless, security cameras would be installed all over, in every quarter, every barn, etc. The day he caught Ayden fucking that little slut was probably recorded. Eric had scrolled back to that day, an evil smile breaking over his face as his suspicions were confirmed. However, he then found himself with a dilemma.

 He didn’t want Jade to know he’d visited Ayden right before the accident, as she’d be even more convinced he was behind it. Though Eric is not innocent in this case, he still didn’t want Jade to have even a shred of evidence to go off of. He’d pondered his options, when he realized that probably wasn’t the first time Ayden had strayed. Eric had to shake his head at himself. When he had Ayden assigned to Amity Detail, his sole intention was only to put distance between him and Jade. He needed them apart in order to work on getting Jade to where he needed her. When Ayden started fucking everything in Amity, as well as the female Dauntless guards, it was just a convenient and unexpected addition. That’s the one thing on which he can claim complete innocence.

 It’s not Eric’s fault the guy is a moron. He had Jade Crawford, and thought he could do better? Idiot.

 When he scrolled the tapes from outside Ayden’s quarters and saw just how many other girls there actually were, it was like a prime opportunity had fallen into his lap. He needed Jade to find out, but not from him. She needed to see for herself that she could do better, and that ending it was the right choice. He’d decided to compile the tapes into one, while editing his visit. He left the drive in his apartment, knowing Jade would find it eventually.

 _Jesus Christ, it certainly took her long enough_ , he thinks with annoyance.

He should’ve known, though. Jade is too fucking blind, and still too guilty over what happened to Ayden to accept the truth. She’ll never accept that she belongs with him. She’ll use any excuse she can think of, to convince herself of bullshit she’s desperate to believe. He sees now what Jeanine meant, when she said human nature is the flaw of mankind. He let himself be ruled by his emotions. Eric has tried to open her eyes, and his effort has been for naught. But…he’s in this too deep to get out.

Even if he did truly want to cut Jade loose, Jeanine would never let him. Jade is too valuable to not follow through with their initial plan, even if his agenda has changed. But perhaps he should remember his business deal with Jeanine, and he should treat Jade as such. His eyes narrow as his stomach sinks slightly. If he abandons her, she’ll be left to Jeanine’s machinations. Eric won’t let that happen. As much as he hates it, Jade is too valuable to Eric himself. He may have had different intentions at first, but the game has changed now. Whether he likes it or not, he knows he’ll never find a better match. He needs her as much as he wants her, and there’s no way around it.

 Just like she can’t escape him, he’ll never really be free of Jade either.

 Eric glances at his desk drawer, then carefully opens it to pull out the new photo he now keeps of Jade. When he was scrolling through the data on her phone one day, he found a picture Leah had taken of her out in the city.  In it, she’s wearing one of Leah’s dresses as she gets ready to make a meeting at the Hub. She’s smiling over her shoulder, her long blonde hair falling in glimmering layers. He holds it carefully by the edges as he stares for a moment. His eye lingers on the graceful curve of her hips, traveling down the impossibly long length of her toned legs. Eric feels his blood heat as his cock twitches in response. It’s been days since those legs have been wrapped around him, or tangled in his sheets. He feels the ache of Jade’s absence in almost every part of his body.

His frustration and longing get the best of him and he violently swings his arm, knocking it and several other things off his desk. Two assistants passing by hear the clatter and stop outside his door, but don’t dare enter. Noticing his dark glower, they silently turn and leave. Eric exhales slowly, willing himself to calm down.  Just then, Sebastian walks in and greets him with a nod. He raises his brows at the dark expression on Eric’s face.

“What’s up with you, man?” he says as he sets a report down on Eric’s desk. He sits in a chair across from the desk and lights up a cigarette. Eric pulls out one and lights up as well.

“Nothing, I’m just tired.” Sebastian nods. “Something happen with Jade?” he asks cautiously after a heavy pause, leaning back in his chair. Eric looks away for a moment. Since he and Sebastian are friends, Sebastian is one of the few people that can get away with this question about his personal life. Eric shakes his head, staring past him at the wall. “You could say that.” Knitting his palms over his stomach, Sebastian smirks casually.

“What exactly _is_ Jade to you?”

“In terms of what?”

“What I mean, is that I know you’re fucking her, but she’s obviously more than just that.”

Eric shakes his head angrily as he puffs on his cigarette. He leans back in his chair, biting his lower lip as he exhales with a deep breath. “At this present point in time,” he growls in a low tone through clenched teeth, “She’s a psychotic bitch that’s making me doubt if she’s worth all this bullshit.” He jams his cigarette in the ashtray and pushes it away from him. Sebastian shakes his head. “What exactly happened? Why are you so pissed at her?” Eric shrugs, then tells him about their fight. Sebastian listens, then thinks for a moment. He creases his forehead in confusion, as his eyes shift to the side.

“Okay, hold on….so she found out Sawyer was nailing every piece of strange from here to Amity, and she’s pissed at…you? Why? I’m confused…”

Eric’s temper erupts, and he throws his hands in the air. “ _Because she’s a crazy fucking bitch, that’s why_!” he practically yells, making Sebastian’s eyes widen in shock. He and Eric have been friends for years now, and he’s never once seen Eric lose his cool. Especially not over a woman. Sebastian thinks for a moment, but wisely chooses not to say anything, knowing Eric doesn’t want to talk about this right now.

Eric is like him, and when he gets pissed off, there’s only three ways to relieve it. Luckily, they’re in Dauntless and those options, and one in particular, are available at any time and especially to Dauntless councilmen…and councilwomen…if they so choose. Sebastian suddenly gets an idea as he thinks of one particular face.

“Want to go for a drink tonight?” he asks, and Eric shrugs.

“Might as well, got nothing better to do,” he mutters.

Sebastian nods as he stands. “I’ll be back in an hour…..but let’s not go to the Pit, let’s go to the lounge.” Eric waves him off, not really paying attention. After grabbing something to eat they make their way up a few floors above the Pit, to the sectioned off bar reserved for the upper tier. The lounge is nearly empty. The same pretty brunette is behind the bar, and she looks up with a slight smile. “Hey you,” she giggles as Sebastian leans over, giving her a quick peck. “Hadn’t seen you around much,” she coos, giving a flirtatious wink. He gives her a leering grin as he places both hands on the bar.

“Yeah, I know…been busy..if you know what I mean.”

She purses her lips as she pulls out a tumbler and fills it with ice, then equally blends a bourbon and water. “Well, when you stop ‘being busy’ you know where to find me,” she giggles as she slides it toward him. Sebastian smirks and takes a sip. “Will do,” he says. She turns to Eric, as he pulls a cigarette from his pocket.

“Whisky…neat, right?” she calls, and Eric nods, sitting on the stool. He finds himself checking his phone for the hundredth time, willing himself not to type in Jade’s code.  Just then he gets a beep, the distinct sound of the council alert. He doesn’t look up as she pours his drink, engrossed in his message. As she moves to the other side, Sebastian follows her, motioning for her to come closer. She leans in, and he makes sure Eric isn’t paying attention before he continues.

 “I need to ask a favor of you,” he says in a low voice, and she raises her brows.

“Sure thing…what do you need…”

“Nothing for me, but maybe for him.”

Sebastian nods toward Eric, and her eyes grow slightly wide as she glances in his direction.

 “Oh…Sebastian, I don’t know about that…”

“Why not?”

“He’s with Jade Crawford, right? That’s a bad bitch I don’t exactly want to piss off…nor would any other non-suicidal person in their right mind…”

Sebastian moves slightly closer. “Oh, c’mon Angie,” he coaxes, as he brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’ve never had a problem with discretion before. Besides, I don’t even know if they’re still a thing. Little trouble in paradise, and he could use a ‘distraction’….there’s no better person I can think of to provide that then you….do it for me?” She sighs, giving him a wry smile.

“You’re lucky you’re one of my favorites. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Knew I could count on you, sweetness.”

Sebastian winks as he makes his way back over to Eric, as he sips his whiskey with a brooding expression. He looks from her, back to Sebastian and raises his brow. “Friend of yours?” he asks in a smug tone, though he doesn’t need to. Sebastian nods with a smirk. “You could say that.” Eric glances at her again, furrowing his brow.

“She looks familiar, but I can’t place her…”

“She was in our initiation class.”

“I don’t remember her…”

“She’s Dauntless-born, so you didn’t train with her. She actually didn’t pass initiation…. couldn’t make it through her fear landscape.”

“Then how the hell is she?...oh…”

It suddenly dawns on him. “She’s a Reserve,” Eric says slowly, and Sebastian nods in confirmation.

When Max took over Dauntless, he established a new level in the Dauntless hierarchy, with the Reserves being the lowest. Whenever an initiate fails the final test, they aren’t automatically dismissed from the faction. Max and the council determine whether or not they could still be ‘useful’…normally the very attractive women and men are offered this very last chance to not be factionless. They have a choice; accept that they are expected to be indebted to Max and the council for keeping them from becoming destitute, or they could leave. Unspoken ‘favors’ are usually expected of them, and discretion is key.

They work the odd jobs around Dauntless, such as waitresses, bar backs, dining room clean-up, etc. They live in a separate building not connected by the old subway system, and are rarely seen in the compound outside of working hours. They’re afforded dining privileges, and are allowed in the compound, but everyone knows what they are so they make themselves scarce. They barely make anything in credits 

However, the lucky ones favored by certain leaders find themselves well taken care of…as long as they always make themselves available and keep their mouths shut. They usually do, knowing they could be dismissed at any time.

Sebastian and Eric drink and bullshit for a little while, and it starts to get a little late. Sebastian checks his watch and finishes his drink.

“I’m gonna head out….

“Already?”

“Yeah, I’m meeting Rachel at her place.”

“That’s a thing now? Since when?”

Sebastian takes one last swig of his bourbon, setting the glass beside him. “Sort of. Been hanging out off and on since the night you assigned me to her, when Jade left.” Eric smirks slightly, though he doesn’t like to think of that night. “You’re welcome.” Sebastian chuckles as he picks up his jacket. He glances toward the pretty brunette, whom nods in understanding. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After he leaves, she approaches Eric again, gesturing toward his glass. “Another?” Eric shakes his head, deciding to head out in a little while himself. When she starts wiping down the bar, Eric watches her for a moment. She’s petite, with long, dark, almost-black hair. She’s olive skinned, and has big brown eyes. A sexy snake tattoo winds around her rib cage, visible through her black crop top. He shrugs. She’s hot, but he’s not interested.

She places both hands in front of her, as she stares at him for a moment. “Sure I can’t get you anything else? Seems like you could use a something to take the edge off, and that happens to be my specialty.” She drops her gaze for a moment, but Eric is only half-listening to her. “I’ll stick with the whiskey,” he responds curtly, as he scrolls through his phone.

“That’s not exactly what I meant.” She crosses her forearms and leans on the bar. Eric finally looks up to find her mere inches away, as she gives him a coy smile. Eric flicks his eyes over her face, her meaning not lost on him. Though they’ve barely said two words to each other the whole night, her offer is crystal clear.

“What I meant,” she purrs in a low voice, “is that I’m very good at making one forget their troubles…but not always by pouring drinks.” With her eyes never leaving his, she reaches for a bar napkin, and pulls out a pen. She writes on it quickly, then slips it his way. Eric glances down.  _South building #1289B._ He brings his eyes back to hers, and she bites her lip.

“Just in case you could use a little amnesia for the night.”

Eric stares at the napkin for a moment, an unfamiliar feeling coming over him. He doesn’t know why he’s hesitating. Jade has made herself crystal clear that they are not a couple. All of his effort thus far has been for nothing…Jade doesn’t see what’s right in front of her. She never will. He’s letting her get to him, and he’s becoming someone he hates. He needs this distraction. It’ll remind him to keep his head in the game, and what needs to happen. He needs some perspective, and a way to regain some control. He can’t let Jade fuck with his head anymore. She keeps talking about the hold he has on her, but hers on him is just as strong, and Eric needs a way to combat it. 

Screwing this little slut just might break the spell….even if he doesn’t want her.

Eric takes another puff of his cigarette, letting the smoke billow around them. He silently debates what he should do. If Jade finds out about this, he doesn’t really know how she’ll react….she might be angry, she might feel betrayed, she might even be hurt… but should he even care? _You already do_ , a voice whispers in his head. Eric shakes his head vehemently, trying to silence it. Jade made her choice….now he needs to make his. He doesn’t even want this bitch, and he needs to think with a clear head.

Whatever choice he makes here, there will be no going back either way.

She doesn’t say anything after he doesn’t answer for a while, cutting her eyes away as she turns. She glances over her shoulder, as Eric still says nothing. Finally, he tosses the rest of his whiskey back and stands.

“When do you get out of here?”

* * *

A little while later, Eric knocks on the door in the dilapidated building that houses her. “Right on time,” she purrs as she moves back to let him in. Eric crosses over the threshold and takes off his jacket.  He doesn’t greet her in return, just looks around for a minute. As he surveys his surroundings disinterestedly, he realizes he doesn’t even know her name. He doesn’t care enough to ask her.

As if reading his mind, she smirks slightly. “It’s Angie, by the way,” she says as she shuts the door. He shrugs. Whatever. He sinks down on the couch, propping his arms up on either side. She saunters over after a minute, stopping right in front of him. Eric regards her impassively, feeling strangely put off for a reason that escapes him. He has absolutely no interest in her whatsoever, except the welcome relief of the distraction she promised. Eric looks past her shoulder as she lowers herself into his lap, skimming her fingers over his arm. She brings her mouth to his, her tongue running slightly over his lower lip. Eric jerks his face to the side, not wanting that intimacy with her. She doesn’t comment, construing it as kissing simply being not his thing and deciding to get to the main event. 

There’s nothing unattractive about Amber…Ashley? Whatever she said her name is. Physically, she’s what every guy in Dauntless would want to nail, but something is still off. Instead of being turned on, he finds himself almost repulsed.  All of a sudden, Jade’s face flashes before him. Eric throws his head back and closes his eyes, an irritated growl escaping him.

Why can’t he get her out of his head?

He exhales loudly, trying with all his mental strength to push her away. Jade is fucking up everything, and she’s not even here _. Pull your shit together_ , he internally commands himself.

Eric snaps his eyes open, gritting his teeth angrily. Anna… Amy? Looks up at him after a moment, noticing his scowl but choosing to ignore it. She traces kisses along his jaw, then starts to go lower. Eric keep his hands to the sides, as she brushes her dark hair behind her shoulder. She begins to nibble on his neck and shoulder, as her hands trail down his abdomen, then lower. She slowly makes her way down, sliding to her knees. Eric just glances at her as she looks up with a naughty smirk, reaching for his belt. He turns his gaze back to the wall as she unbuckles his pants, his frustration mounting.

When her lips wrap around his shaft, he has to fight the urge to buck her off of him. _What the fuck is your problem_ , he silently chides himself. As she bobs up and down, taking him all the way into the back of her mouth, his determination sets in. He grabs the back of her head, his grip on her hair only just not painful. He sets a fast rhythm, and she keeps up the best she can without choking. But as she looks up at him with her mouth full of his cock, it happens again. Jade’s face flashes before him, and he clenches his teeth.

No. He will not let that bitch be a poison in his thoughts any longer. 

Eric bolts upright, startling her to the point she falls backwards. Eric stands, then leans down and yanks her up by her underarms. Fear flashes in her eyes for a second, but is replaced with lust as he lifts her effortlessly, making her legs wrap around him. She goes to kiss him again, and is once more rejected when Eric turns his face to the side. She settles for nibbling on his neck tattoo as she holds on.

Eric stalks to her bed, determined to see this through. He has to do this, if only to prove to himself that he hasn’t let Jade make him weak. This doesn’t mean anything. _This is just free pussy, nothing more nothing less._ He forces himself to focus.

He throws her down, glowering at her. He rips his shirt off, as she hurriedly peels off her top and bra. With a coy smile, she bites her lip and starts to crawl toward him. Eric immediately seizes both of her wrists and jerks her toward him, then spins her around. He grabs a fistful of her hair as he shoves her forward, yanking her skirt up. “Oh fuck yeah,” she breathes as he snatches her underwear and drags it down her thighs. “I fucking love it rough, baby. Do your worst.” Her eyes are closed as her head is tilted back in anticipation. Eric rolls his eyes as he begins to stroke himself. “Shut the fuck up,” he growls through clenched teeth. He pulls her head back more, then freezes as Jade once again invades his thoughts.

 _You’re the only one I want, Eric_ ……Jade’s voice whispers in his memory…. 

Her image rears up without warning. It goes back to a morning he woke before she did, and watched her sleeping for a minute. He’d stood in the doorway, watching as dawn had started to break. The sunlight had caught her blonde hair, making it shimmer in its rays. The sheets were tangled around her, and one of her impossibly long legs was on top of the covers. Her golden skin had an even deeper glow in that light, giving her an ethereal aura. She was completely relaxed and at ease. She’d never looked more beautiful. Closing his eyes for a moment, he shakes his head, but can’t shake her from his mind, despite what he’s about to do. 

Reality suddenly gives him a figurative bitch-slap, finally giving him complete clarity. Screwing whatever-her-name-is won’t work. It won’t distract him, relieve him, or make this feeling go away.

It’s not Jade’s blonde hair clenched in his fist, it’s silky texture wisping around his hand…

It’s not Jade’s sassy voice telling him to go fuck himself, while her eyes and the connection between them tell a very different story…

It’s not the landscape of Jade’s body he feels, burned into his memory for the rest of his life…

It’s not Jade’s gasp and moan he’ll hear when he slides into her….

It’s not Jade……and It doesn’t matter who he’s inside of, or has under him; it will still only be her face he sees.  

He stands there completely astounded. He releases her hair, making her fall forward. She quickly pulls the sheet up higher as she turns, clutching it to her chest as Eric pulls his pants up. “What’s the matter?” she asks meekly, with wide-eyes. He doesn’t answer her. He just quickly pulls on his shirt and stomps to the couch to retrieve his jacket.  She stands in the doorframe, confused and trying to make sense of his sudden change of mind.

He offers no explanation, just leaves without another word. 

As he makes his way through the Pit, he reaches into his jacket and pulls out his phone. Just as he’s about to dial Jade’s code, an internal battle suddenly begins, pulling him in both directions…

_Don’t do it. If you call her, you really are a whipped little pussy…_

_If you don’t call her, you could lose her for good…_

_Who the fuck cares? The bitch isn’t worth it…it’s not like she’d call you…_

_She is worth it…she’s the only one that is…and you already know why…_

_“Son of a fucking bitch!”_ Eric roars as he finally throws his phone at the rock wall. It immediately breaks completely apart by the force of the impact, it’s pieces impossible to salvage. _Oh, that’s just fucking perfect,_ he seethes as he steps on to the elevator. He’s destroying his own shit because he can’t pull himself together….and now he’s without a phone until tomorrow.

Eric stalks into his penthouse, slamming the door shut. He makes a beeline for his liquor cabinet, promptly pulling out quarter-full bottle of whiskey. Not bothering with a glass, he empties the rest of it, strangely comforted by the burn it creates going down his throat. He throws it somewhere in the living room, hearing it crash into a million pieces wherever it landed. “Fuck….” He swears under his breath, when he realizes that was the last bottle of whiskey he had.

He tears through the rest of his cabinets, flinging the contents every which way. Finally, he spots it in the back. With a grateful sigh, he opens the bottle of Tequila and takes a long swig. A hollow ache begins to form in his chest, as he looks down at it. He doesn’t care for Tequila, but ever since he realized it was Jade’s favorite, he made sure he had some on hand. A weight drops in his stomach as in that moment, to his utter horror, the truth hits him with physical force. Stunned, he looks up and catches sight of himself in the window. He stares at his image, disgusted with what he sees. “ _You fucking pussy_ ,” he snarls, hurling the bottle with all his might. It shatters to infinite pieces as it connects with his reflection.

He puts his head in his hands, looking down for a minute, then rubbing his face pensively.  All this time he’s been saying that Jade doesn’t see what’s right in front of her, but he’s a total fucking hypocrite. A startling revelation has finally come to light, that’s been here the whole time, staring him right in the face. Though it is now blaringly obvious, he doesn’t even know how it happened……

Just as Jade belongs to him, Eric is very much hers. 

 

 

 


	21. Downward Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade runs into an old friend, and some questions are raised. Some of her demons surface, and she tries to silence them in a very counterproductive way. A bit of a filler chapter :) 
> 
> Warnings: No smut, but plenty of angst and some profanity Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

 “Fucking stiffs,” Max grumbles as he peers over the file I placed before him. He looks up after a moment, pursing his lips. “Marcus is a special breed of stupid.” He leans back in his chair. I just shrug with a what-can-I-say look. “That’s Abnegation for you. They think anything even remotely in their benefit is ‘selfish’ and against their faction credo.” Max shakes his head. 

“He doesn’t have a choice. An extra squadron will still patrol Abnegation whether he likes it or not. I’m not going to have hospitals overflowing with injured stiffs because they won’t do anything to protect themselves. Advise them their request is denied.”

“yes sir.”

Taking that as my effective dismissal, I rise from my chair when Max looks up. “Jade, wait a moment.” He regards me curiously, knitting his hands over his stomach. “If I’m not mistaken, I believe your main assignments are Erudite and Candor…yet you’ve been working more than usual lately. Are Sydney and Reese slacking in their duties? Why are you taking their assignments?”

Caught off guard, I slowly sit back down. “No sir, they aren’t slacking at all…..I just….found myself with more free time, and could use the experience as I’m fairly new at this. Sydney is due any day now with her baby, and shouldn’t be traveling anyway, so I’m just helping her out.” Max raises his brow, and I can tell he’s not buying it.

“Jade, that’s very generous of you, but I don’t want you working yourself to death. You have your meeting with Jeanine soon, and I need you to bring your A game. I want you focused on making the necessary preparations, with no menial distraction. After you meet with Abnegation today, I want you to take some time off. I’ll have the rest of your rotation delegated,” he states, and I immediately open my mouth to protest.

“Oh, sir, really, it’s no big deal, and I’d rather-“

Max silences me with a stern look. “It wasn’t a question.” He leans forward, keeping a steady gaze on me. “There’s no nice way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. You’re one of my best Ambassadors, and normally on the mark with your presentation. But quite frankly, right now you look like shit. Like you haven’t slept…or eaten…in a week, and you’re obviously overworked. This is not the image I want presented to Jeanine as a representative of this faction. You will take a few days to get yourself together, and be ready to do business by the time of your meeting.”

I wisely decide to keep my mouth shut, giving a small nod of assent. “Yes sir,” I finally mutter. Max purses his lips. “Then you’re dismissed.”

Making my way out of HQ, I hurry to the restroom before I have to leave. Standing in front of the mirror, I see that Max was harsh, but he was right.

“Jesus Christ,” I mutter, grimacing at my reflection. My eyes are slightly bloodshot from lack of sleep, I have dark circles, and there’s just a sad, haunted look about me in general. I’ve lost at least ten pounds. All of this emotional turmoil has rendered me unable to eat anything other than the occasional cup of yogurt and maybe a granola bar for dinner.  Shaking my head, I hastily pull out my concealer and attempt to make my complexion that of a human again.

* * *

The warm breeze washes over me as I leave Abnegation and head for the train stop. I’m glad I was able to make them see that protecting themselves while administering aid to the factionless was a necessity. The unrest is growing in the city, and it seems the factionless numbers are growing.

Glancing at my phone, I see it’s almost time for the train to come through, though it doesn’t bring me the relief it usually does.  All it means is that I’m going home to another night alone, crying myself to sleep.

Just then, my phone lights up in my hand. I see who’s calling me, shaking my head with a wry smile. Rachel, no doubt attempting to drag me out of my apartment, hoping she’ll be successful this time. I sigh and then answer it.

“Hey Rach.”

“Hey lady. What are you doing?”

“Abnegation meeting. I’m about to head home. What are you doing?”

“I’m calling to let you know we’re hanging out in the Pit tonight.”

“Rachel...”

I practically hear her purse her lips through the phone. “I’m not going to take no for an answer, Jade,” she states firmly. Imagining her with the same stern look she uses to control her daycare class, I roll my eyes in response.

“Rachel, I just really…. don’t feel like…” I trail off, knowing it’s useless to argue with her.

“Jade, listen to me. I’m officially invoking my best friend right to drag your ass out of your apartment and rejoin the land of the living. It’ll be good for you.”

“Rachel, I’m just-“

“Yes, Jade, you’re tired, have work tomorrow, and every other excuse you’ve given lately. You’ve refused to leave your apartment for a while now, and that’s not healthy. We’re all worried about you.  Besides, you’re too young and hot to waste your life away holed up at home. I’m picking you up, we’re going to the Pit, you’ll drink and have fun, and that’s all there is to it. You’re coming tonight, and that’s final. I’ll drag you kicking and screaming if I have to,” Rachel decrees firmly, and I know she’s not even close to kidding.

Her tone leaves no room for argument, and I’m too tired to fight with her anyway. “Fine,” I eventually concede. “What time?” I can almost hear Rachel grinning in victory. “Leah doesn’t get back from Erudite until a little later, so we’ll swing by after dinner to get you.” I’m barely listening to her, but grunt softly in response. “Okay...” the phone rustles slightly as Rachel breathes loudly.

“I mean it, Jade. You’re coming tonight…no excuses.”

“I got it, Rachel.”

After we hang up, I scowl in displeasure. Though Rachel is a good friend, and I know she means well, I just don’t want to be around people right now. I just want to be left alone to sulk, give myself time to process everything, and have a little space. But Rachel is right, I need to move on and live my life again. Tears prick my eyes, and I hastily wipe them away. 

I shouldn’t be crying over a guy that’s done with me, and has put me out of his mind completely.

“Knock it the fuck off,” I command myself sternly.

As I’m trying to get my thoughts in order, I suddenly feel a presence behind me. The wind whips my blond hair as I turn, biting my lip and frowning when I don’t see anyone. My hand slides down to my side, coming to rest lightly on my gun. Being that the factionless attacks are getting more aggressive, I keep one on me during my rotation. Lately, there have been more and more instances of faction citizens being robbed for food and clothes, and a few with fatalities.

Instead of Dauntless quelling the attacks, they seem to be getting worse. Somehow, the factionless are acquiring weapons and holding up the train at random. Dauntless patrols have been increased at Amity and Abnegation, the factions least likely to fight back.

“Jade?” a female voice hesitantly says behind me.

Whipping around, I see a tall, thin girl wearing the yellow sweater of the Amity, with a pair of black Dauntless pants. She’s factionless, but unlike most of the factionless I see, isn’t that old. As she steps closer, my eyes widen slightly, as I recognize her.

I stare at her as she takes a tentative step towards me. “Marissa…..hi,” I finally manage to utter, giving a half-hearted smile. She gives a solemn one in return, as our eyes lock.

Marissa is a Dauntless-born that I grew up with. She and I went through initiation together, but she was cut in the final round. A pang of guilt stabs me, as I think back to the day I had to fight her. It wasn’t even really a fight. She was on the ground screaming and holding her nose after I’d landed the first punch. She never even got a hit on me. I’d tried to go a little easy on her, as I knew she couldn’t fight, and this really wasn’t a fair match.

Eric wouldn’t call ‘time’ though. It wasn’t until she was at my feet, crying in a crumpled ball that I finally looked up to him angrily. He shook his head no.

“No concessions,” he’d snapped.

I’d desperately looked to Lauren, who immediately spoke up in protest. “She’s done, Eric…”. He wouldn’t have it, though. “She’s done when I say she’s done,” he thundered, motioning for me to continue. Turning apologetic eyes on Marissa, I watched as she shakily rose to her feet. I couldn’t hit her again….she couldn’t take it…. But Eric would’ve made it worse for her if she gave up. There was only one way I could help her.

Marissa yelped as I suddenly rushed at her, knocking her off her feet. I immediately rolled both of us away, so Eric couldn’t see my face or hear me. Wrapping my arms around her in a wrestling bear hug, I put my lips right next to her ear. “I’m not going to hit you again. Close your eyes and stay down,” I whispered. She gives the slightest of nods in understanding. I suddenly wrenched her upwards, and pretended to head butt her. She instantly slumped to the mat, completely limp. Lauren rushed over, giving me a knowing eye but not saying anything.

“She’s done, Eric. She’s out cold.”  

His cold gaze had pierced right through me, but I refused to be intimidated.  He slowly made his way to the mat, a slight sneer on his face as he peered down at her. Glancing back at me, he shook his head in disgust. “Time. Winner to Jade,” he’d finally spit, walking away. Marissa was carried to the infirmary, giving me a small grateful smile that I only acknowledged with the slightest of nods.

After that day, I’d tried to work with her after training hours. I showed her some fighting moves, techniques, and shooting, but it wasn’t enough. She improved, but not enough to make it through initiation. When the board had lit up naming the new members, hers was below the line. I’d looked over to where Marissa was rounded up with the other initiates that were cut. Some were hysterical, sobbing into their hands, others too stunned to realize the life of poverty they now face.

Dauntless guards escorted them to the dorms to collect what little they had. They were then turned away from the compound, tossed into the streets with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Marissa had looked back at me before she went, and to my surprise, seemed slightly relieved. Her eyes connected with mine, and I silently wished her luck.

That was the last time I saw her, before now.

Marissa clears her throat. “Hello Jade,” she greets in a hushed tone as she fidgets slightly.  “You look well….” she offers after a few awkward moments. I smile and almost say the same, but realize it might be insulting. She’s factionless. Although, she doesn’t look like the typical factionless. Her clothes are surprisingly clean, not tattered or dirty. She looks well-fed, and there’s not an air of despair around her, that’s usually the norm. Her auburn hair is neatly brushed, pulled back in a ponytail. She actually looks at ease.

In fact, you can hardly tell she’s factionless.

“Thank you. How are…..things?” I ask after a moment. She smiles softly as she shrugs, running a hand over her hair. “Surprisingly not bad, given the circumstances,” she finally answers. I nod, not quite certain what to say. “Do you want to...” I gesture toward the bench. She raises her brow at me, and I know why. Faction members, especially highly placed ones like myself, don’t usually mix with the factionless. But I see no reason I can’t be cordial.

“Uhm...okay,” She timidly sits beside me on the bench. We don’t speak for a minute, the awkwardness hanging in the air. “So how’s life at Dauntless? I see you did well in the job selection,” she finally offers. I smile and shrug.

“I work as an Ambassador. I advocate for other factions to the Dauntless council, and I enjoy what I do.”

“Yeah, I see you sometimes when I’m out in the city….” She looks around for a minute, almost as if she’s trying to gather her courage. Another silence falls between us, and I really don’t know what to say. Marissa clears her throat again.

“Jade, I never got chance to thank you…for…everything you tried to do for me in initiation. I’m just sorry I wasted your time. Although I tried, I already knew things wouldn’t end well for me at Dauntless.” She looks away for a moment, then back at me. I furrow my brow.

“There’s no need to thank me, Marissa. But what do you mean ‘it wouldn’t end well… how do you know you wouldn’t make it...?” Eying her for a minute, she gives a sheepish smile, and it hits me.

“You didn’t get Dauntless as your result, did you?”

“Sure didn’t. I actually got Candor.”

“So why did you choose……”

Marissa chuckles humorously. “I had a thing for Brian. I always did, growing up, but he never saw me that way. So, like a true idiot, I thought that if I showed him that I wanted to be with him badly enough to stay in Dauntless, that would change.” She turns her palms up with a shrug. “I guess it sort of worked, because we did end up together, only now we’re both factionless.” I just smile thinly, not really knowing what to say.

“Where did you go after initiation night?” I ask hesitantly.

She takes a deep breath. “After the guards escorted us from the compound, they just left us in the street without a word. Just literally turned around and walked back inside. We were all a little confused about where to go or what to do, so we just started walking. Eventually, we found the factionless sector, and we were shown where a lot of them….us…… live in the old parking garages.” She looks away for a moment, and I feel my breath catch.

I can’t imagine just being dumped in the street like she was, lost and confused…hopeless.

Seeing my sympathetic expression, she gives a small wave. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me, Jade. It’s not really an ideal life, but it’s not horrible either. It was rough at first, getting my bearings. But it was actually a blessing in disguise. I didn’t belong in Dauntless, never have. Even when I was …given the option to stay…I knew it was best that I just go.”

My mouth opens slightly, as I realize what she means. She was offered ‘Reserve’ status and turned it down. She nods in confirmation. “Right before we left, there were three of us that were brought before the council, and given the option to remain in Dauntless as Reserves. I was the only one that didn’t take them up on it.” Her mouth sets in a grim line.

“Quite frankly, I didn’t see how scrubbing floors while being a whore on the side for the council was any better than being factionless,” she utters bitterly.

I nod with a neutral expression. “I am sorry this happened to you, Marissa…is there any way I can help you?” Her eyes soften, and she smiles gratefully.

“I appreciate your concern Jade, I really do. But I’m okay. I may be factionless, but I’m not helpless. To be honest, if I had known what freedom I would have being out of Dauntless, I’d have left a long time ago. Many of us feel that way about our respective former factions. A lot of us believe we don’t even need the…” she stops herself, realizing she may have said too much. “Forget it, it’s silly,” she laughs, and I decide not to press. She’s entitled to feel how she does, and I don’t blame her. We both look up as the train horn sounds in the distance. She stands hastily, with a sigh. 

“I don’t want to keep you, I better go. It was good to see you Jade. Take care.”

“Marissa, wait.”

She turns around, and I give her a small smile. I hand her a bag filled with a sandwich, chips, some fruit, given to all guests at Abnegation. She looks at me in surprise.

“What’s this?”

“Just a full meal. I know it’s probably been a while since you’ve had one.”

“Jade, you don’t-“

“Take it, Marissa. I insist.”

Marissa’s mouth opens and closes, but she takes the bag from me and gives a small, wistful smile. “Thank you, Jade.” I wave my hand. “Take care Marissa. And if you ever need anything, seek me out.” Marissa smiles again. “You do the same, Jade…” she turns and disappears down the alley. I watch her go, shaking my head as something occurs to me. It’s odd that she was in this part of the city…the factionless usually stick to a specific sector.

She also headed off in a strange direction, in what appears to be the uninhabitable part of Chicago...

I shake my head with a shrug. Factionless wander all over during the day, and it isn’t a big deal. I do wish the best for her, and I was sincere in wanting to help her. The ground starts to rumble at my feet, breaking my train of thought.

The sky is streaked with purple and pink rays, and the sun is starting to set over the city skyline. I jump on the train with ease as it passes by, and stare at the passing scenery as we roll toward Dauntless. Letting my mind wander, it goes to it’s usual place.

It’s been a while since Eric and I had our blowup, and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since. He’s been at Erudite, and at the Hub on council business, out of the compound. I’m not ready to face him yet, so I don’t go anywhere that would be in his path as a precaution. I shake my head, as if to shake the memory of our final fight from my mind. Eric and I have gotten into skirmishes before, but one never quite this bad. The things we said to each other were things I don’t think we can come back from. Tears prick my eyes, and I hastily wipe them from my face.

While I’ve been avoiding him, he’s been avoiding me to. 

I close my eyes and let the wind wash over me. I take a deep breath and sigh, opening my eyes and staring out blankly. I know whatever was between us is over now, even if I don’t know exactly what it was.  Even though I’m not sure this is what I want, I can’t bring myself to go crawling back to him. “it’s better this way,” I mutter to myself. I’ve known from the beginning that nothing good can come of this, and it’s time to face reality; I got what I deserved.

Jumping off the train as it reaches the compound, I scan through the laser before heading for my apartment. I have to force myself to keep walking and not go down the familiar path to Eric’s office. Cursing myself as I shoot several longing glances in that direction, I shake my head in disgust. I’m completely fucking pathetic. _Keep walking, Jade,_ I sternly command myself, _Just keep walking._

I need to just move on. Eric certainly isn’t giving me another thought, and has probably found someone else anyway.

* * *

Later that night, I’m just getting out of the shower when there’s a knock on my door. My heart skips a beat for a moment, then deflates. There’s only one person that wouldn’t knock before coming in, so I know it isn’t him. I plaster a small smile as I open it to find Rachel and Leah. “Hey guys.” I move aside so they can come in, both of them taking note of my appearance.

“Hey…you okay? Are you sick or something?” Rachel asks, and I just shrug.

“No…why?”

“You just look a little …” She trails off as she and Leah glance at each other.

I shake my head ruefully. “I believe ‘like shit’ is the phrase you’re looking for,” I offer as I shut the door. Both of them give me a sheepish, tight smile while slightly nodding their heads. “Well, I didn’t _want_ to say it, but it’s the truth and I came from Candor,” Leah laughs nervously. Giving a small smile, I run my hand through my hair.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re here then. I don’t want to look like one of the factionless. Work your magic.” I sit down in my vanity chair, as Leah immediately inspects my outfit.

“ _This_ is what you’re wearing?” Her disdain is evident at my choice.

My eyes snap to hers. “I guess not, judging by the look on your face.” I’d picked out a simple black top and jeans, not really giving it much thought. Leah shakes her head disapprovingly, then rummages through my closet. “it would be fine if you were going to Abnegation or a funeral…but we can certainly do better than this….oh, here we go…” She holds up a pair of jeans, and a strapless crossover top in a deep garnet color. The only thing not made by her are my shoes.

“Much better,” she proclaims as she sits on the bed. There’s another glance shared between her and Rachel, and I decide I’m not in the mood to ignore the elephant in the room. “Guys...I appreciate you wanting to check on me, but really, I’m fine. This isn’t the end of the world,” I state flatly as I get dressed. Rachel sighs, running a hand through her hair.

“Jade…you know we’re just a little worried about you.”

“There’s no need to be...I’m fine.”

“You are not ‘fine’ Jade. It’s just us in here….you don’t have to put on a brave face.”

Rolling my eyes, I give an exasperated sigh. “Jesus, between you guys and my mom, I’m going to end up going insane,” I grumble. Concentrating on brushing my hair, there’s silence for a moment. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not ‘putting on a brave face.’ What happened is over and done with, and I’d rather just move on.” My tone leaves no room for argument, and both of them sit a little straighter.

“You know what? You’re right. This is supposed to be a fun time, and we’re not going to ruin it with all this heavy shit,” Rachel declares, and Leah nods in agreement. “Yes, and Friday night has to be epic.” They both grin at me with determination, but I just groan.

“Guys, really, again, I appreciate your concern, but you don’t have to drag me out. Yes, I’m a little sad, but no one is throwing themselves in the chasm here. All of this really isn’t necessary.” They’re both suddenly staring at me like I just grew another head.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘it’s not necessary’? Of course it is!” Rachel says. 

“Why?”

“Uh…because of what Friday is…”

“What’s Friday?”

Rachel’s eyes widen in disbelief, as Leah’s jaw drops suddenly. “You’re…you’re fucking with us, right?” Rachel demands suspiciously, her eyes narrowed. I look back and forth between them, truly confused. Leah leans forward, scrutinizing my face. “Sadly, I don’t think she is…” her eyes search me, no doubt looking for deception. Rachel sets her mouth in a determined line. “Okay, then this is getting out of hand now,” she states to Leah, as if I weren’t here. Leah nods her head vigorously. “Agreed.” I shrug my shoulders, trying to figure it out. “What’s getting out of hand? What are you talking about?” They both shake their head.

“Well, Jade, when someone is so depressed they forget their own birthday, that’s an official cry for help.”

My eyes pop open. Oh shit…that’s right. Friday is my birthday. I’ve been so distracted with everything, I completely forgot. It didn’t even register with me. I’ve never really been into my birthday, and it isn’t a big deal. But I’ve also never completely forgotten about it either. “Oh fuck….that’s right. Holy shit,” I whisper in astonishment. I just shrug with a half-hearted smile.

“It’s not a big deal guys…”

“Not a big deal?! It’s your birthday, Jade!”

“Guys….”

Ignoring my protests, they both glare at me with steely determination. “Jade, listen to me. We’re going to get shit-faced, and we’re all going to act like total idiots. We are taking you out for your birthday, that’s all there is to it!” Rachel proclaims forcefully. I decide not to argue.

Besides, it might be good to get out of my own head for a little bit.

* * *

I’m glad the girls dragged me out tonight. Everyone seemed to have made a silent promise not to bring up Eric, or let me think about him, and Tequila played a huge part in it’s success. For the first time in a while, I’ve started to feel like my old self again.  

Actually, I don’t feel anything. That’s probably what I like the most.

“Guys, I’m done,” I slur as I toss the rest of my drink back. I slam the glass down beside me, harder than I mean to. “Fuck,” I mutter as it shatters all over the place. That’s it…I’m officially shit-faced.  I turn to Leah, whom is just as drunk as I am right now. 

Draping an arm around her shoulder, I try to form a coherent sentence. “Leah…Leah…I'm done. If I don't stop right now, you really will have to carry me home," I giggle, slurring my words. Leah just blinks at me with glazed-over eyes. "What?" She slurs right back. We are both seriously fucked up. She didn't understand a word I just said. Bursting into drunken giggles, I shake my head ruefully.

Our little girls-night-out got slightly carried away. I very rarely drink past my capacity, but after the past few days I’ve had, I needed this. One drink turned into three, and then five….and after that I lost count. All I know is that right now, everything looks like those old cartoon characters, and there’s a pleasant buzz strumming through my whole body.

Rachel gulps down the rest of her drink, then promptly drops the bottle she was holding. “oops…” she giggles, then tries to sidestep the broken glass. I laugh as she nearly trips over her own feet, catching herself at the last minute. “Yeah, I better tap out too…or I won’t make it home,” she giggles. Taking several deep breaths, I pull out my phone to check the time. “Oh shit….” It’s a lot later than I expected. Snapping my phone closed, I turn to Leah and Rachel.

“You guys good to get back on your own?”

“We should be fine….”

“You sure?”

Rachel shrugs and looks at Leah. “yeah…..we’ll make it home eventually, some way, somehow. Might take us a few hours, but we’ll get there,” she giggles. Leah laughs and nods. “Go on, Jade. We’ll be fine, I promise.” Taking a deep breath, I try to stand, feeling a wave of dizziness come over me.

I make my way to the elevator, trying several times to push the ‘up’ button. “Jesus fucking Christ….” I can’t seem to make contact with it, even though it’s less than an inch from me.. “Get your shit together…” I sternly order myself. Propping myself up against the wall, I will myself to keep from toppling over. It still doesn’t come after a few minutes, and realize I’m going to have to take the service one past the chasm. 

As I stumble along the steep, rocky path, Eric’s image rears up in my subconscious. I stop for a moment and stare at the rushing water below, trying to block him out. I shake my head as if to shake him from my mind. “No,” I slur drunkenly, to no one in particular.  I pull out my flask, desperate to burn the pain away. I toss it back, only to find that it’s completely empty. Completely pissed now, I throw it into the abyss.

Angry, desperate tears spring once more to my eyes, and I angrily wipe them away. “Are you fucking happy now?” I shout into the blackness below. “Are you fucking happy? It’s all ruined…all of it…ALL OF IT!” All the feelings I’ve suppressed for the past few months come roaring to the surface. I sob into my hands as I let go completely, surrendering to the pain and anguish that’s eaten me alive for a while.

I don’t know if it’s a hallucination in my drunken stupor, but suddenly, there’s a presence behind me.

“Jade,” I hear a voice say in the distance, almost as if it’s a mile away. Squinting my eyes, I can’t make out who it is….but I do see neck tattoos. My heart suddenly swells. He came….Eric came for me. As the voice gets closer, I throw myself into his arms, feeling them catch me just before I’m about to fall. . “I miss you so fucking much,” I slur, my words all running together. “I’m so sorry…” Grabbing his face, I press my lips to his.

My wrists are grabbed, as he yanks his mouth from mine. “Jade, stop…hold on,” his voice buzzes faintly, pushing me away slightly. Rejection stings my heart. Tears once again roll down my face. “You hate me…you don’t want me…” My brain starts to fog, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I pass out completely.

Blackness starts to close in, and I let it pull me under as I’m lifted into strong arms.  

* * *

Swimming through the murky waters of my alcohol-addled mind, I groan as the morning sunlight burns into me. Rubbing my eyes, I try to wake up. Almost immediately, what feels like a crater-size hole in my head starts to throb mercilessly. 

“Fuck me,” I grumble, my hand blindly reaching to the nightstand for my water.  When I don’t find it, my eyes open fully.  That’s strange, I think as I sit up slowly, trying to focus. Why do the walls look diff-...? Confused, I look around for a moment. “Oh shit,” I gasp, my heart plunging. 

This isn’t my apartment...this isn’t my bed....

“No, no, no....” Frantically trying to recall the events of last night, I draw a complete blank. Fuck, I don’t remember anything. Where the hell am I? Clutching the sheet higher, I look down and my panic starts to grow. 

 

I’m wearing a man’s shirt...but who’s, I don’t know. 

The sound of a running faucet makes my head whip toward the bathroom. “Goddamn it,” I curse, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, desperate to find my clothes. I don’t know where the hell I am, or who’s behind that door. My breath catches as it opens....then my heart nearly stops, at who steps out. 

Four.

Blood starts roaring in my ears, as shockwaves ripple through me. No…no...I couldn’t have..... Fuck me, this is bad…

He’s bare-chested, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. His massive tattoo flames over his neck, touching the ends of his still-wet hair. I’ve only every seen him in training, or in his work clothes…never like this. I shake my head in disbelief.  Taking note of my stunned expression, he steps toward me hesitantly. “Morning,” he greets apprehensively, but all I can do is stare with horrified eyes. Four….I went home with _Four?!_...How the fuck did this happen? I don’t even remember seeing him out last night! My mind screams wildly.

How in the ever loving fuck did I manage to go home with Four?!

“F-Four…I…I don’t know…what…wow…umm…” I stammer as I finally spot my jeans hanging on the back of a chair. Grabbing them hastily, I shimmy into them as I try to form a coherent thought. “Jade-“ he starts, holding his hand up. Not giving him the chance, I jam my feet into my shoes and look for my shirt. I can’t focus on anything, as my mind is racing a million miles a minute. He steps closer and holds up his hands.

“Jade, hold on a second…”

“Four, I’m sorry, I’m just confused. I don’t even know how I got here, and…”

“Jade-“

“I don’t know what happened, I don’t remember anything, and-“

“Jade,” he tries to interject again, but I can’t seem to stop talking.

“Four, what the hell…”

“Jade!” he all but yells, trying to be heard. He sighs with a rueful smirk, shaking his head. “Jade, I’ll be happy to tell you everything, as soon as I get some coffee. I’m a little tired….my couch is a little uncomfortable, and I was there all night.” He arches his brow, waiting for it to register with me. My mouth opens slightly as I finally get it.

“Oh…you…you slept on your couch?”

“Yes. I slept there all night,” he repeats.

“So…we didn’t….” I’m so embarrassed, I can’t finish my sentence.

“No, Jade…we most certainly did not,” he chuckles slightly.

 

Relief blows through me, and I exhale slowly. Thank God….but that still doesn’t explain what I’m doing here. “I think I’ll hit you up for that cup of coffee.” Four nods, walking into his kitchen. I follow a minute later, sitting across from him at the table. He sets a steaming mug down in front of me with a sigh. 

“You can relax, Jade. Nothing happened between you and I last night. I mean it…nothing,” he starts, and I nod. “Okay…but how did I get here? I don’t even remember seeing you …” Four takes a sip, then continues.

“You didn’t see me because I wasn’t out last night. I was working in the Control Room. I saw you walking by the chasm, so drunk you could barely stand, and Zeke and I were afraid you were going to trip and fall to your death. I came down to help you, but you were…umm….a little upset.” 

“A little upset,” I repeat, as dread starts to gnaw a hole in the pit of my stomach. Fuck….what did I do….

Four cringes slightly, looking away. “You…umm…were sort of talking to yourself when we got there, and you were crying. You thought I was someone else, and I kind of had to wrestle you away from the chasm… I only succeeded when you passed out.” He takes another sip of his coffee, still not looking at me.

“I was going to take you home, but you were so drunk I didn’t want to leave you in case something happened. It was either bring you here, or drop you off at Tamra’s. I’m pretty confident I knew which one you’d want me to pick,” he says with a nervous laugh. “So I put you to bed after I cleaned you up, and slept on the couch.” I’m not sure I want to know the answer to this, but I ask anyway.

“What do you mean, cleaned me up?”

An awkward silence falls between us, then Four clears his throat. “Well….it’s kind of the reason you’re wearing my shirt. You threw up on yours. Once you…got it all out of your system…I…got you changed into something clean.” Four clears his throat. “I also need to tell you one other thing, just so you’re aware….” He says quietly, and my heart starts to pound. I don’t see how this could possibly get worse, but apparently hit can. 

“When I got to you at the chasm, you thought I was Eric….and you sort of kissed me. Only for a minute, but it might’ve given the wrong impression to passerby.”

If there were a hole in the ground right now, I would gladly jump in it and let it swallow me in its entirety. 

He continues to sip his coffee nonchalantly, no look of judgment or recrimination. ‘Humiliated’ doesn’t even close to describe me. I’m truly at a loss of words for my behavior. “Four…I am so sorry…I don’t know what got in to me last night…I just…I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say,” I sputter quietly, my face reddening. He finally looks at me blankly, but there’s sympathy in his eyes.

“It’s alright, Jade. Shit happens. I know you have a lot going on….but if you’re going to deal with it the way you chose, maybe you shouldn’t drink alone. You could’ve killed yourself last night. Not to mention….it’s a good thing Zeke and I were the ones to find you. Next time, it could be some asshole with a very loose definition of consent,” he states in a firm tone, and I close my eyes briefly.

 “Don’t worry, Four…I learned my lesson. If it’s any consolation, I feel like absolute shit right now. My head hurts, I’m hungry, I’m humiliated. The list is long." 

I stand up too quickly, and dizziness immediately overtakes me. Taking a deep breath, I realize I’m still wearing Four’s shirt. My other one is covered in vomit. “Do you mind if I…” Four immediately waves his hand. “Not a problem.” Giving a small, embarrassed smile, I head for the door. Once I get to the elevator, I stare at the floor indicator anxiously, willing it to get here faster. Just then the elevator next to the one I’m waiting for opens, and I quickly put my head down, not wanting to be noticed. Just then the doors open, and I step on gratefully.

Once I get home, I immediately head for the shower. Standing under the spray, my jaw sets in determination as I reflect on the past few days. I am not this person. I am not this person that cries all the time, that stays holed up in her apartment feeling sorry for herself.…this person that’s completely fucking pathetic. Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I regret how it ended with Eric and wish things were different, but I can’t go back and change anything now. I put myself in real danger last night, and Four’s right; the next time I might not be so lucky. I’m recognizing a familiar pattern, and I’m going to break it right now.  

I am not my father, and I will not go down the same road he did.

 


	22. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade attempts to move forward, and makes a few decisions...which Eric will have none of. The good stuff is at the end :) Eric's POV added...and he's not very nice in this chapter. Fair warning. 
> 
> Warnings: profanity, smut, violence. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

* * *

  **ERIC**

Eric never breaks eye contact as he glowers at the dirty, disheveled man with bound hands kneeling before him. Visibly quaking with fear, the man holds a defiant spark in his eye, refusing to look away.

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” Eric states in his chilling, deadly calm tone. “Before you answer, it would behoove you to remember that your crime is punishable by death under martial law. Only I have the power to take things in a different direction. I wouldn’t fuck around,” he warns. The man sneers at him with mocking scowl.

“I’m factionless, you idiot. I’m not bound by any law.” He glares at the Dauntless soldiers standing behind Eric, guns trained on him. “You have no one to blame but yourselves for what’s happening. You want to know who’s behind this? How about the people you see freezing and starving in the streets as you walk by, not giving a shit.” He glares back at Eric.

“You think because of some bullshit system, you have some sort of divine power to decide who lives and who dies. You may think you’re oh so powerful, but you’re nothing more than a puppet.” He looks Eric up and down with open hatred. “The day is coming, where you and every other faction will regret casting human beings aside like trash…but it’ll be too late,” he spits venomously. “Why should I tell you anything? You’re going to kill me anyway.”

 Eric shrugs. “Well….” He cocks the hammer, hearing the bullet drop in the chamber. “I wasn’t planning to, but you’re kind of talking me into it.” Holding the barrel less than an inch from his face, Eric’s eyes narrow. “Last chance…who is orchestrating this?” There’s a long pause, as waits for his answer.

“Fuck you,” he hisses defiantly, then spits in Eric’s face.

The guards immediately take a step forward, until Eric holds his hand up. “Stand down,” he barks without looking at them. They fall back, each swallowing thickly. Every person standing here right now knows what’s about to happen. Wiping the spittle from his face slowly, he steps closer. Eric jerks the man’s head up, jamming the gun into his mouth. His eyes round in terror, his brave façade finally vanishing. With a maniacal, vicious glint in his eye, Eric chuckles lowly.

“Fuck me…fuck me? No asshole, right now it is very much _fuck you_.”

Birds scatter frantically as the sound of the gunshot reverberates from the trees, with the smell of gunpowder saturating the air. Eric watches for a moment, feeling a sense of satisfaction as blood stains the Earth under the man’s now lifeless body. Sneering in disgust, he glares back at the guards.

“Get rid of it…bury it in the woods.”

Eric stalks off, heading back to the Dauntless vehicles. Two supply trucks en route to the city had been carjacked by armed factionless yet again, with Dauntless soldiers engaging them in a firefight. The rebels used their Amity hostages as human shields, resulting in one man being killed and the others badly wounded. Most of the attackers were killed, though one only sustained a flesh wound.

Amity refused to hold the man, as they would not be a party to any aggressive act. Eric shakes his head in disgust. This isn’t something that should’ve called him away from more important matters. His team should’ve been able to handle it, but Max wanted him to see to it personally.

Max meets him outside the truck, taking notice of Eric’s bloodstained combat wear. 

“I take it the perpetrator was not exactly cooperative with his interrogation?” Eric shrugs reaching for a towel to wipe a spot of blood from his face. “He unfortunately had nothing to say…and never will again.” Max inhales sharply in disapproval.

“We needed at least one of them alive, Eric.” 

“He was worthless…he made it clear he wouldn’t flip.”

“Not the point. “

Eric tosses the towel to the ground angrily. “You pulled me away from Erudite to handle this, and now you’re not happy with how I did?” Max draws himself up, setting his jaw in an intense stare. “The point, _son_ , is that I gave no such order…and we needed at least one alive. He could’ve given useful information then been disposed of, but now…we’ll never know.” Eric swears under his breath, forcing himself to bite his tongue. Max nods toward the truck. “I need you back at Dauntless.” Eric furrows his brow, but doesn’t say anything.

Eric slides into the black utility vehicle, with Max seating himself across from him. His jaw clenches in irritation, as rundown steel and concrete buildings slowly replace the outer farmlands of Amity. The last place he wants to be right now is Dauntless. He hasn’t seen Jade in what feels like an eternity, and doesn’t know what’s going happen when they finally meet again.

He knows this stalemate they’re at can’t last forever. They’ll eventually work this out, but he will not be the one to crack first. Even though it’s clear just how much she means to him now, he can’t go about this lightly. He doesn’t trust Jade not to manipulate him to use to her advantage, and he won’t let that happen.

He just doesn’t know how much more of this distance from her he can take.

As they head back to Dauntless, he shakes his head slightly, willing himself to focus on business. In fact….why is Max taking him back? His curiosity grows as he and Max both light their cigarettes, a strange silence falling between them. Finally, Max breaks it as he strokes his chin.

“Alexa is going to oversee part of Amity detail for a little while…she’s staying behind to assume command.” Eric’s eyes whip to his angrily. “And why is that?” he asks in a chilly tone. He knows he should be careful, as Max is still his superior. Max exhales, meeting Eric’s deadly gaze with his own.

“There’s a weak link…. I need it discovered and eradicated. Another set of eyes in close proximity is called for.”

“Why is this something I can’t handle?”

“There are more important matters that need your attention at Dauntless.”

“But this is my operation!” Eric protests.

“It won’t be for long, if you don’t get a fucking grip on a few things,” Max snaps back.

Eric’s face remains stoic, but confusion and anger start to gnaw at him. Max takes another drag, shaking his head slightly. “Look, Eric…normally I would not involve myself in the personal lives of my team, but I have no choice in this case. It won’t be long before the council starts questioning your ability to lead this mission.” Eric narrows his eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that while I agree pussy has no place in council business, it can be an unfortunate influence…and right now it’s not being a good one for you. “ Max snuffs out his cigarette, squaring his shoulders and looking at Eric intently. “I don’t have time to sugar coat this, nor would I anyway, so listen up.” Eric’s full attention is captured, as Max’s stare hardens.

“You’ve been away for a few days, and are probably not aware of a few things going on at home. If I were you, I’d get aware _real fucking quick_ , and handle your shit. It’s getting out of hand.”

“What’s getting out of hand?”

“Whatever is going on with you and Jade. It’s affecting both of your jobs, and I won’t have it.”

Completely caught off guard, his face flickers for a moment. Affecting both of their jobs…What the fuck is going on?

“Jade has nothing to do with this,” Eric finally snaps, his temper threatening to erupt. Max shakes his head in disgust. “Jade has _everything_ to do with this, and if you want to be able to sway the council in your favor, you better pull your fucking head out of your ass and see the big picture here.”

He leans back in his seat, lacing his fingers together. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two and I don’t give a shit.  But I do know this; the image you present can make or break your political career.  You’re in the public eye of Dauntless as well as Jade, and perception is everything. Everyone assumes Jade to be yours, regardless of what you’ve decided to define yourselves as. She’s not exactly presenting herself in a favorable light as of late, and no one is doing anything about it…. including the man she’s supposed to belong to.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything at Amity?”

“You are head of Amity detail, and there have been no less than two attacks weekly so far. The source supplying them with weapons and ammo still has not been discovered, and things are ramping up instead of being brought down, all under your command.  Things are happening back at Dauntless that you seem to be oblivious to, and the other leaders have noticed. So, let me ask you an honest question.” Max leans forward slightly, looking Eric dead in the eye. 

“How do you expect the rest of the council to believe you can bring the factionless to heel, when you can’t even keep your own bitch in line?”

Blood starts to roar in Eric’s ears, as he grips the seat arms so tightly they might snap off. As the realization sinks in, fury clouds in his eyes. Max is right…about all of it. Eric rubs his chin in awe of himself. How the fuck did this happen? He’s supposed to be a leader of Dauntless, someone to be respected and even secretly feared, and look what’s happening. Jade is openly defying him, and he’s done absolutely nothing... _nothing_ about it.

He looks like a fucking fool…not to mention a complete bitch, and that he won’t tolerate.

Max nods, seeing that they’re finally on the same page. “I don’t know how many times I can say this. Handle your shit, and get this under control. There’s a lot at stake here, and you can’t lose focus now. It’s obvious you have a weak link in your team. What I want to know is…” He clenches his jaw as their stares lock.

“Do I have a weak link in mine?”

* * *

As he walks through the Pit, he starts to notice he’s getting strange looks. Murmurs ripple through the crowd accompanied by avoided eye contact as he passes. Eric glances around him, trying to figure out what’s off. It’s like everyone is waiting for a show, or something to happen. Eric clenches his jaw, as the hair on the back of his neck rises. He doesn’t like being the last to know. 

Making his way through the rocky path, Eric suddenly catches an unmistakable glimpse of silvery blonde hair. He glances to the floor below him, then does a double take. Not believing his eyes, he stops dead in his tracks as his breath hitches in his chest.

Jade is outside the control room, talking to Four. Eric can’t hear what they’re saying, but body language speaks for them. Jade is leaning toward Four, as he’s awkwardly hanging on the door. Eric feels his blood pressure start to rise. What the fuck is going on? He’s never heard Jade even mention Four, but now they appear chummy? As his vision begins to take a red tint, Eric forces himself to remain calm and not give his position away.

Jade and Four talk for a moment, and Eric feels his pulse start to race. Something is off here…and he doesn’t like Jade visiting other men. Let alone Four. A bad feeling starts to creep over him, and he feels his rage start to simmer….

Then almost explodes completely, when Jade wraps her arms around Four, _then fucking kisses his cheek_ … 

She pulls away from him after that, as Four quickly heads back into the office. As Jade makes her way down the path, she seems to sense his eye on her. As she looks around her with a frown, Eric quickly ducks back against the rock wall, out of her eye line.  Suddenly, it makes sense….

 _If I were you, I’d get aware real fucking quick…._ Max’s voice rings through his mind. Max’s message is now received loud and clear. Eric silently stalks off, quickly formulating his plan. After he reaches his office, he sits down at his desk and shakes his head at himself. How could he have let this happen…how could he have let Jade be the one to dictate the terms of their relationship. His resolve to stay away from her while he figured out his next move, just went out the fucking window. This is going to stop…tonight.

But first, he needs to pay a little visit to Four.

* * *

**JADE**

Zeke opens the door to the camera room, smirking slightly in surprise. “Hey Jade…. what can I do for you?” Embarrassed flush creeps over me, as I look over his shoulder. “Hey….is Four here? I need to give him something.” Zeke grins at me knowingly, but I just roll my eyes with a smirk.

“Hold on a second.”

He disappears behind the door, as I wait outside. Tapping my foot impatiently, I take a deep breath. It probably wasn’t a good idea for me to come here, but it’s better than the alternative. Four wasn’t kidding when he said people had the wrong impression. Rumors have started to swirl, each one more ridiculous than the next. It’s probably best that I do this here, rather than be seen leaving his apartment.

Four emerges a moment later, with a tight smile. “Hi,” he greets hesitantly, keeping one hand on the door. “Hey…Four. I just wanted to swing by and give you this.” I hand him the shirt he let me borrow. He takes it from me gingerly, avoiding my eye. 

“Don’t worry, I had it steam-cleaned. All traces of vomit gone.” Four smirks with a slight shake of his head. “Yes, well that is appreciated,” he chuckles. Sighing, I place my hand on his arm. He stiffens slightly at my touch, as I can tell he’s not used to the contact.

“Look, Four. I know I made a huge fool out of myself the other night, and I’m really embarrassed. I’m not even going to try to explain myself, as there are no words. I just wanted to thank you for not being a creep, and for everything you did for me. Especially not dropping me off at my mom’s…I’m not sure I’d still be alive,” I laugh nervously. Four shrugs as he runs a hand over his hair.

“It’s all right, Jade. Just be a little more careful next time.”

“And…I’m also sorry about putting you in this position…” I swallow the lump in my throat as his face reddens slightly.

Four’s eyes drop down to his shirt as he shrugs. “It’s okay, Jade…it’ll die down. At least this put the gay theories to rest,” he laughs, and I tilt my head to the side.

“Gay theories?”

“Yeah, I apparently must not be in to women. Virgins in Dauntless are a pretty inconceivable notion.”

“What?  Holy shit…You’re still a…you’ve never…”

Four smirks at my embarrassed face, as I stop myself. “I’m sorry…that’s none of my business,” I mutter with a sheepish grimace. Four’s smirk turns into a grin. “Well, I guess I just didn’t want my first time to be with a chick that was puking on me…might’ve turned me off sex forever.”

Pursing my lips, I pretend to scowl as I step closer. Four’s eyes widen as I wrap my arms around his neck.

“It’s just a hug. I promise you won’t get me pregnant,” I tease, as Four blushes. Giggling, I quickly give him a light embrace as he pats my back awkwardly. I pull back after a moment, ghosting a kiss over his cheek. “You’re one of the good ones, Four.” Grinning at his scarlet-colored face, I let him go and step back. A hint of a smile pulls at his lips as he keeps his eyes trained on the floor.

“I…I…gotta get back to work,” he murmurs, clutching his shirt tightly. Touching his arm again lightly, I give a slight wink. “I’ll see you around, Four.”

Turning on my heel, I make my way through the cavernous path when a sudden intense, gripping feeling clutches my whole body. My heart starts to hammer, as the only time I get that feeling is when….

Shivering slightly, I quickly glance around to the seemingly empty quarter. I let out an exasperated sigh, irritated with myself. There’s no one here, and I’m clearly imagining things. Shaking it off, I glance at my phone and see that I need to get going. I’m meeting the girls for a drink, and I don’t have time to go home first.

I don’t have a reason to anyway.

* * *

As the train slows, I get off at the intersection where I’m meeting my friends. The night sky has fallen, and the city is glittering with the lights of the buildings. The moon is bright and full over the Hancock, and I close my eyes with a smile as a warm breeze washes over me.

Walking into the pub, I’m greeted with a haze of cigarette smoke and the sound of pool being shot at the nearby tables. Scouring the throng of Dauntless for Leah, I finally spot her in the corner with the girls. All of them look like they’ve started the party early. Leah waves me over.  “There she is, the birthday girl!” She promptly hands me a shot, and I knock it back with a smile. “Not until tomorrow…and I need to still go a little easy.”

Samantha scoffs with a smile. “The fuck you say! It’s your birthday…you’re supposed to get shit-faced! Shots all around!” I just laugh and shake my head. “ Yeah…tequila has not been my friend lately…” I trail off as a guilty smirk pulls at my lips. Leah sighs loudly.

“I feel like an idiot for letting you walk home alone the other night…I feel like this is my fault.”

“It’s not your fault Leah…It’s mine for getting plastered and trying to force myself on Four.”

“What do you mean ‘trying’? Didn’t you…”

My eyes snap to Samantha, as they all glance at each other, confused. My jaw drops open. “Wait a second…you guys think I actually slept with Four? Are you kidding me?” I giggle, as they all immediately look surprised. I take my jacket off and sit down. “Please,” I say with laughter in my voice, “I’m just dying to know what these rumors are. Enlighten me.” Rachel turns her palms up.

“Well…I mean…we’re not judging or anything. You were pretty hammered, we all were. From what I heard, you and Four got pretty friendly over the chasm…to the point that you guys were making out, and he carried you home…that’s happened to all of us at some point. ”

“Is that all?”

“No…you were seen doing the walk of shame from his apartment, while wearing his shirt…”

I shake my head, unable to control my laughter. “The walk of shame,” I repeat, as their eyes grow wider. Chuckling under my breath, I shake my head with a sigh. “Well, shame is an appropriate word here, but not in the way that you think.” They all listen intently as I describe in detail what really happened. Leah bursts into laughter.

“You actually puked on him?”

“Apparently…he had to put me in one of his shirts, which is the only reason I was wearing it.”  
“But what about what happened on the chasm…”

The smile slowly drains from my face. “Four said that I thought he was Eric at first, and tried to kiss him. He stopped me, and then I passed out. Four knew he couldn’t just leave me there, and my mom would kill me if he brought me to her. The only other option was to take me to his place. He cleaned me up, put me to bed, and slept on his couch. That’s it.” A somber silence falls over the group, as a lump forms in my throat. 

“Are you going to try to work things out with Eric?” Leah asks gently, as I look down.

“There’s nothing to work out. It’s done and over with…”

“Have you talked to him at all, and made that decision?” Samantha asks. I look up at her and she gulps.

“Kind of hard to talk to someone that blocked you from their phone, and is avoiding you like the plague.”

None of them know what to say, and I decide to lighten the mood. “Guys, really. It’s okay…we don’t have to walk on eggshells here. Yes, it hurts, but it ended up for the best. Eric and I were never together, and wouldn’t have lasted anyway. I mean, Jesus, look how we started out…. this was a disaster waiting to happen,” I laugh. 

Ashley changes the subject. “You know what? We shouldn’t be talking about this heavy shit. tomorrow is your birthday, and all we should be focused on, is getting you as shitfaced as possible,” she declares, and a sense of relief passes over us.

“Well, I just have to save it for tomorrow…. tonight is the first time I’ve been home in a while.”

“Why?”

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot to tell you guys.”

I set my drink down, turning towards them. “I’ve been staying with my mom for a few days. The AC in my apartment went out, and the technician from Erudite didn’t get here until this afternoon. The piece of shit is always breaking, and I’m sick of it…” I scowl as I take another sip of my drink.

“I seriously can’t wait to get out of my apartment…”

“What do you mean?” Ashley asks.

Leaning back in my chair, I lace my fingers over my stomach. “When I was supposed to move in with Ayden a while ago, I notified the housing office that I’d be vacating my unit soon. They contacted me to see if that was still my intent.” I swirl my drink as my voice becomes soft.

“I think that was a sign. I want a fresh start, and I want to do it in a new place. I know I haven’t been in my apartment that long, but it just doesn’t feel like home. Every time I walk into it, I feel like I’m walking into a crime scene. Everything reminds me of….” I trail off as my voice catches slightly.

“Well, if you think it’ll be good for you, then that’s great,” Samantha says with a smile. Giving a small nod of assent, I take another sip. “I know it seems a little extreme, but I think getting my life back on track is going to take drastic measures. I’m actually getting excited about it.” 

“Where are you going to go?”

“A new unit is being renovated in the building beside mine, and I can move in when it’s finished. Basically, the same apartment just higher up and hasn’t been tainted,” I whisper. Just the thought of going home…and to the bed I frequently had Eric in…. gives me a punch in the gut.

“When do you move in?”

“It won’t be ready for a while, so I’m thinking when the next initiate class comes through would be a good time. They’ll need the space, so I’ll just move then.”

Rachel groans loudly. “Sometimes I wish I could move from my place…Kelly and Mike live next door to me, and their baby screams at all hours. I deal with kids all day, it’d be nice to not hear them at night.” She wrinkles her nose as she takes a sip.

“Oh, that reminds me,” I suddenly remember. I look at the other four pointedly. “My meeting with Jeanine, that was rescheduled like five times already is next week. Only, I’m meeting her at Erudite now instead of Dauntless. I’m going to have a chance to see Amanda…..so….does anyone have an order they need to place?” All of them immediately perk up.

“Yeah, I’m low…can I get like...two vials?” Samantha asks.

“That would be good for me to…the way Sebastian has been at me lately, I might actually need three, just in case…” Rachel says.

“Okay, hold on, let me make a note.” 

I pull out my phone, and pull up the notepad icon. “Okay, I’ll have to see how much of the oral serum she can access, but I’ll try to get as much as I can.”

Amanda is a Dauntless-born friend of ours that’s now in Erudite. I knew she was never going to stay in Dauntless, and was counting the days until she could transfer. She was picked on when we were growing up, and I more than once took care of bullies that tried to mess with her. She was grateful that I stood up for her when no one else would, and said if I ever needed anything, look her up. That proved to be useful, as she now works in reproductive medicine…. 

 …and has access to all the birth control serum no longer available to full-fledged faction members.

She’s been supplying me with as much as I needed since after initiation. Whenever my rotation takes me to Erudite, she always meets me at a discreet location. She could get in real trouble for doing it, and we must be careful about not being caught. What I’m doing is illegal, and I could get in just as much trouble.

But if it means not getting knocked up with a kid I don’t want, I’m willing to take that risk.

“Okay, so that was three for Rachel and two for Samantha….” I look to Leah. “How about you? Do you need any?” Leah shrugs. “Yeah, it’s best to be prepared …just one for now.” After making a note, I look at Ashley. “How about you? You good, or you need a refill?” A strange smile crosses Ashley’s face.

“No, I’m actually good.”

“Are you sure? You don’t need one just in case?”

“No, I’m pretty stocked.”

Shrugging, I put my phone away and pick up my drink. “All right, I’ll give her a heads up before I go out there. Hopefully, she can hook us up…though it isn’t an issue for me right now,” I laugh.

Samantha raises her glass with a smile. “Well I think this calls for a toast. To Jade, another year older, and to new beginnings.” We all clink our glasses together, and for once, a genuine smile crosses my face. 

Hopefully it’ll be another year wiser, as well.

* * *

I jump on the train easily as it passes, a pleasurable sigh escaping me. Tonight was actually okay. It’s the first time I’ve felt a sense of normalcy. I need to get back to basics, and this seems to be a good starting point.

Maybe, just maybe, I can get things back the way they were before. 

I walk to the edge of the car, sitting down and letting my feet swing out of the side. The lights of the city pass me as I gaze at the moon. Leaning my head against the frame, I tuck my knees to my chest. A small smile pulls at my lips, as I haven’t done this since I was a little girl. As the moonlight washes over me, I realize a few things. 

If I’m going to move forward with my life, I need to tie up a few loose ends. Even though Eric is done with me, and whatever we had is broken beyond repair, I still need some closure to the situation.

I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. I’m blocked from Eric’s phone, but as far as I know, not his e-mail. My hands start to shake, as I second-guess my decision to do this. I don’t want to end it this way, but there’s no other choice. _He won’t talk to you…he won’t even look at you_ , I remind myself sternly. Feeling my resolve strengthen, I open my mail icon and type in his address. A sense of sad relief overcomes me. Even if he never reads this, the matter will be settled once and for all. Exhaling slowly, I type my final goodbye.

_For whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry. I know I fucked up, and I can’t change that. I don’t expect a response; I just didn’t want to leave things the way we did. I won’t bother you ever again. I’ll see you around. Take care of yourself._

_Jade_

Taking a deep, shaky breath, my finger hovers over the key. Exhaling slowly, I press ‘send’ before I can stop myself. A fresh set of tears prick my eyes, and I allow myself the small indulgence of letting them flow freely for once. As the compound looms in the distance, I decide to just let it out. As tears slip down my cheeks, I make a promise to myself. I’ll cry all I want tonight, but tomorrow is going to be different.

Tomorrow I finally take my life back. 

* * *

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I jump from the train as it rolls into Dauntless. After walking through the scanner, I make my way toward the elevators. A chill suddenly goes down my spine, making me come to a halt. “What the fuck is with you?” I mutter to myself, glancing around. There’s no one here, but I still feel eyes on me. Pressing the button again impatiently, I will the elevator to get here faster.

When it still doesn’t come for a few more minutes, I sigh in disgust. It’s still broken. “Are they ever going to fix this fucking thing?” I grumble, walking back the way I came. Passing the entrance of initiates into Dauntless, I slow my pace when I reach the net. Placing my hand on it lightly, my eyes close as I take a deep breath.

Though not even a year has passed since I fell into the net, it feels like a lifetime ago. Who knew that in the span of a few months, I’d fuck my life up so horribly.

“Fucking pathetic,” I scold myself, pulling my hand away. Making my way down the stony trail, I hear the roaring water as I get near the chasm. The hair on the back of my neck suddenly spikes again, as a nervous tingle spreads through my body. _What the fuck is wrong with you_ …I rub my temple, perplexed at myself.

Shaking my head, I begin to round the corner when something suddenly slams behind me. I’m so startled, I almost drop my phone. Whirling around, my alarm grows when I don’t see anyone. Where did that even come from? Just as I resign myself to the fact I’m going insane, a figure emerges from the shadows of the rock wall.

Eric.

His chest is heaving, and there’s a wild, angry fire in his eye. I’m so surprised to see him, all I can do is stand there, paralyzed, as he slowly makes his way toward me.  We stare each other down, not saying a word. My heart jackhammers in my chest as Eric keeps his stoic expression intact.

“What…what are you doing here?” I finally manage to squeak out, breaking the thick silence. Eric still doesn’t say anything after a moment, but his eyes narrow almost into slits. Raising my brows, I wait for his answer, but I’m still only met with nothing. My own eyes narrow, as irritation creeps in. He came here just to give me the silent treatment? Where the fuck did he even come from?  

“Seems you’ve been busy lately,” he spits lowly. My breath hitches in my chest. I know Eric well enough to recognize when he’s furious and about to lose control. His deadly calm temperament is usually a prelude to something awful. I lift my chin defiantly. He will not intimidate me. 

“I’m really not in the mood for this, Eric. What do you want? Why are you here?” Again, silence. Arching my brow in challenge, I make a little waving gesture of get-on-with-it with my hand. When he still doesn’t speak, I decide he can just sit there and stew. Just as I’m about to turn on my heel, his voice cuts through the air.

“You gutless little bitch,” he finally sneers.

His words stop me dead in my tracks. My mouth opens slightly as he steps even closer. “You certainly don’t waste any time, do you?” he growls, his tone seething with fury. 

“What are you talking about?” I finally retort, crossing my arms. He shakes his head scornfully. I will my feet to stay planted as he steps even closer. My mouth suddenly goes dry, my palms starting to sweat. Eric licks his lips slightly. My fight or flight instinct just got kicked into overdrive. Everything about Eric’s whole demeanor is telling me to get the fuck out of here. I glance to the side, taking note of just how close to the edge we are. Too close for my liking.

His lethal stare cuts into me like a knife, but I force myself to keep up my casual façade. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I roll my eyes. “You know what? Never mind. You and I have nothing more to say to each other, and I have better things to do.” Eric’s nostrils flare suddenly, as rage twists his features. I turn on my heel and start to walk away.

“Like what…. Trying to hop on Four’s dick?”

Stopping dead in my tracks, I slowly turn to face him. Eric is now standing to his full height, glaring down at me. He doesn’t move from his spot. I glance at the floor, inhaling sharply, then look up at him. Stunned, all I can do is stare for a moment. He _has_ heard the rumors…he actually thinks…

Anger and disbelief seize me. Opening my mouth to deny it, I manage to stop myself just in time. Eric and I are done, and I don’t owe him any explanations. I will not let him bait me. He wants to believe I slept with Four?

He can go ahead and think that. It makes no difference in anything.

With a coy, mocking smirk, I just shrug. “Who’s dick I’m currently occupying, is really none of your fucking business Eric,” I taunt, never breaking eye contact. Eric inhales sharply, his piercing gaze never faltering. Exhaling slowly, I prepare myself as best as I can. Even though we’re out in the open, neither one of us give a fuck who walks by or can see us…

It is fucking _on_ , and we both know it….

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, then lunges toward me with such speed, I have to stop a small squeal from escaping. His hand closes painfully on my arm, as he yanks me toward him.  “The fuck it isn’t,” he snarls, as my arm begins to throb. His breath is hot on my chin as he gets within an inch of my face. “I knew you were crazy, but I didn’t think you were so stupid to-“ he stops when I bring my foot down on his knee, hard.  He instantly releases me as I draw myself up, rage fueling my courage.

“I’m stupid? You, a Dauntless leader is attacking a woman out in the fucking open, cameras everywhere, and I’m the one who’s stupid?” I laugh, as my stomach ties itself in a knot. Eric slowly straightens his spine, chilling me to my core with the ice in his eyes. My fists clench as he steps toward me again.

“Cameras won’t stop me, Jade. Even so, there’s an easy fix for that.”

He reaches behind him, tapping what looks like a panel of some sort on the wall.  A sudden beam of light appears, scanning his eye. The wall slides to the side. Before I have time to react, Eric grabs my wrists and yanks me through the door with him. As he begins to drag me down a narrow path, the wall shifts back behind us.   

My eyes widen in surprise. I knew there were hidden tunnels and entrances available only to the Council, but I’ve never seen one. The path is steep and rocky. Looking down, I see cascading water crashing over rocks, illuminated by the moonlight beaming down from the glass roof.

We’re at the bottom of the chasm.

Coming to an abrupt stop, Eric lets me go as he all but tosses me against the wall. “Scream all you like, no one will hear you…and even if they did, they’d never make it in time.”

Quickly surveying my surroundings, I realize he’s right. We’re completely alone here, and no one even knows this place exists….no one will see anything….if Eric decides to end me right here and now, my body would simply wash up on the rocks later, with everyone assuming I jumped or fell. Shaking my head in determination, I slowly reach down for my gun. I’m not going down without a fight. 

“Guess it’s my turn.”

Quickly drawing it from my side and aiming it, Eric all but laughs at me. “Stop with the melodramatics, Jade. It doesn’t need to go that far. We’re simply going to get a few things straight, and you are not leaving until we do.”

Eric laces his fingers together in front of him, not at all fazed by the barrel pointed right at his head. Scoffing, I begin to lower it, then think better of it. The water crashes behind him, misting us both with a fine spray. His heavily muscled arms begin to emit a fine sheen under his black t-shirt. I forget for a moment that he likely dragged me out here to do harm, and I force myself to snap out of it.

“I will leave whenever the fuck I want to leave… _without_ you, or _through_ you.”

“Not until we talk.”

“Fuck you, Eric…

As we face off, I quickly come to a decision. If this is how it ends for good, whether he kills me or we let each other go, there’s no reason to hold back.  I’m going to give him exactly what he’s looking for.

“What exactly is it that you’d like to talk about?” I ask in a deadly calm voice. “How I supposedly let Four fuck my brains out? I hardly see how that would be an issue of concern for you…except of course how you compare in that aspect. I’ll tell you if you really want to know, but I don’t think you’re going to like the answer.” A vicious, cruel grin spreads over my face as Eric’s features twist in fury.

“Shut…your…fucking…mouth Jade,” Eric growls as his jaw muscles start pulsing. I know I should stop, but I can’t help myself. I inch closer, licking my lips slightly. With a taunting smirk, I arch my brow.

“Why, what’s a matter? I thought you dragged me out here to get the truth? Why, I don’t know. You’ve already decided what the truth is, so why should I explain anything to you? You’ve appointed yourself judge and jury. It doesn’t matter, and it’s none of your fucking business anyway. _I_ am none of your business. So, believe what you want. Go ahead and think I fucked him-“

“Jade-” he begins to warn in a growl, but I press on.

“No, Eric, let’s get this over with…this is why you’re creeping around the compound, to hear this from me. I want to tell you... Go ahead and think I fucked him. Go ahead and think I’ve been fucking him since you and I have been apart- “

“Jade- “

“Go ahead and lay awake at night, thinking of how I must’ve loved being on my back in Four’s bed, taking every inch of his- “

I never get the chance to finish my sentence. “You really don’t know when to quit do you,” he snarls. Rushing at me again, he swings his arm upwards and knocks the gun from my hand. It clatters onto the rocks, swept away by the water, and out of my reach for good. My hands instinctively go to his chest as he grabs both of my arms in a crushing grip. His nose grazes mine as he grits his teeth. 

“Fuck me…fuck me, you say?” he rumbles in a dangerous whisper. The next thing I know, I’m plastered against the stone wall. My wrists are pinned in one hand of his above me, as Eric gets within a hair’s breadth of my face. “No, bitch… _fuck you_ …” His savage, primal glare and the ferocity of his tone completely steal my breath.

“It didn’t have to be this way, Jade.”

Eric’s other hand grips my jaw with crushing force, as I jerk my head away. Not having it, Eric forces my face back to his.

“If I ended you here and now, you would deserve it. It doesn’t have to go that far, but if you don’t calm your crazy ass down, this will go to a place it doesn’t need to go. All I want to do is work this out, and that’s exactly what is going to happen, one way or the other.” 

He relaxes his grip on my jaw, as my breath slowly returns. “What is it that you want to work out, Eric? Whatever this toxic, fucked-up mess between us is called?” I ask in a shaky voice. His eyes flicker as he exhales slowly.

“It’s only fucked up, because you won’t let it be anything else. You refuse to see what is right in front of you. You are the one that fucked up, yet it’s me, having to chase you down…all because you’re too much of a coward to admit you were wrong,” he declares. My mouth opens in protest.

“Coward? How am I a coward? I did try to fix it, and you wanted no part of it!”

“Once again, you’re making shit up in your head to suit yourself.”

He shakes his head incredulously, eyes brimming with rage. “You could’ve fixed this, but you didn’t. Instead, I got a fucking e-mail, because you didn’t have the balls to face me. You’ll fucking ‘see me around’…. that’s your idea of fixing it? If so, you are more fucked in the head than I thought!” he roars.

Desperately trying to keep my face from scrunching in anguish, I look everywhere but at him. “What was I supposed to do, Eric? You made it clear you wanted nothing more to do with me! Am I supposed to beg? Grovel at the feet of someone that doesn’t want me?  Sorry, I’m not that fucking pathetic!”

“Once again, you are completely twisting this…you blamed me for your loser ex fucking around…something I had absolutely nothing to do with…then told me to get the fuck out of your life! So how is it my-“  

“ _I didn’t want you to go_!” I scream before I can stop myself.

Shock registers on both of our faces, as neither of us know what to say. Tears well in my eyes, and I squeeze them shut tightly. “I didn’t want you to go,” I repeat in a whisper. Squeezing the tears away, I force myself to meet his eye. Eric’s chest is heaving, his pupils blown wide. Fuck it…it doesn’t matter anymore. If this is it, it doesn’t matter if he sees me cry. 

“Look…I fucked up, and what’s done is done. This went as far as it was ever going to go, Eric. I’m perfectly content to forget you and I ever made the mistake of getting involved with each other…just go your way and I’ll go mine.”

Eric licks his lips slightly, his rage evident. “A mistake…a fucking mistake?” The venom in his voice sends shivers down my spine. With his teeth bared, he leans in close.

“Quit being a fucking pussy…look at me and say that again.”

I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. Eric tightens his grip, his fingers digging painfully into my flesh. “Go ahead, Jade…if that’s what you truly believe and want…say…that…again…I’m fucking waiting….”

My breath becomes labored, as we remain deadlocked. I can’t do it…and I don’t even want to. Defeat shows on my face, as Eric finally gets what he wants from me. He realizes it the same time I do. 

Submission.

His lips claim mine with a crushing possession. As our tongues duel for dominance, his hands immediately take charge, releasing my wrists and making quick work of my shorts. His fingers begin to tempt my already swelling, wet core, making my need for him block out everything else.

Fumbling with his belt, I finally get it undone, reaching eagerly for what I’ve missed the most. His hot mouth devours my neck, throat and chin as he grabs under my thighs, making my legs wrap around him. Eric positions himself, then slams me down on his cock until he’s sheathed to the hilt inside me.

With my hair firmly clenched in his strong fist, he jerks my head back and places his lips near my ear. “Go ahead. _Say…that…again._..” he warns in a dangerous whisper, punctuating each word with an even harder snap of his hips. 

My mouth rounds in pleasure, grateful for his fast, hard entrance, and even more grateful for his unrelenting, dominant thrusts. Relief begins to flood through me, as fire spreads like lava through my veins. The feel of Eric, so potent and powerful inside me, is what I’ve needed all along. The void I’ve felt this whole time, is finally filled.

Eric is the only man that will ever be able to give me this.

His body commands mine, giving sharp, concise orders that I follow without question. My moans turn to soft pleas, begging him to end this exquisite torture, but wanting it to last forever at the same time. With one last, rough surge, we both fall over the edge. My muscles quicken around his thick cock, as it throbs violently inside me. His release was so intense, he filled me to absolute capacity. As he holds me firm to the wall, I feel the warm, sticky liquid from our blended pleasure soaking my thighs and ass.

Pressing his forehead against mine, neither of us speak for a moment. Our hearts pound in unison, as we both try to catch our breath. I can’t think; I can only feel. I can only feel how much he missed me as much as I missed him, how he’s longed for me the same way I have for him, how much agony and turmoil we’ve both been in these past few days….

Eric doesn’t release me, keeping me firmly pressed against the wall. He pulls back after a moment, eyes searching my face. “The next time you have something to say,” he growls as he slowly withdraws, “you say it in person. Not a six-sentence fucking e-mail. That was a bitch move, and it really pissed me off. Do you understand me?” 

With wide eyes, I quickly nod. He catches his bottom lip between his teeth, shaking his head in admonishment. “I asked you a fucking question, Jade…answer me…” he commands, making me jump slightly. I feel fire start to burn in my stomach again, as I get what he’s doing…and I fucking love it.

“Yes...”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I understand you, Eric…”

He chuckles lowly, a sinister smile pulling at his mouth. “you know what Jade? I don’t think you do….but you will by the time I’m finished.”

With that, he abruptly releases me. After we both quickly get our clothes situated, Eric takes my hand, pulling me with him. Leading me back down the path, we come upon a hidden elevator. My apprehension begins to grow.

“Where are we going?” I ask quietly, once we step on. Eric punches a code into the key pad, then turns back to me. Bearing down on me with ardent, determined eyes, he pushes me back against the wall paneling. “Wherever the fuck I decide to take you…. you’re in no position to ask questions.” His breath whistles between his teeth.

“You fucked up…now you’re going to make it up.”

* * *

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

Pale moonlight filters through the window, bathing the bed in a brilliant glow. Yawning, I start to come out of my near catatonic slumber.  Rubbing my eyes, I see that it’s into the wee hours of the morning, and that I’m alone in bed. Frowning, I pull the sheet up higher, as I sit up slightly confused.

Did all of that really happen, was it a dream, or…

I quickly look down and see that I’m still completely naked…and in Eric’s bed. I still feel the warm tingle of Eric’s mouth on my flesh. It wasn’t a dream, I’m in his penthouse, but he isn’t here. I close my eyes and lay back down with a sigh. Taking a deep breath, I shift back on my side and place my hand on the pillow. Closing my eyes, I savor the memory of our reunion tonight. 

When we got back here, Eric and I tried to make up for a lot of lost time. Sighing in pleasure, I relive each delicious moment this evening offered. My hand starts to travel languorously down my torso, skimming over my hip, and then finally coming to rest between my legs before I realize it. Lost in my reverie, my fingers slip between my slick folds. “Mmmm,” I sigh, stroking my sensitive bundle of nerves in a caress. 

“I guess my work here isn’t quite done,” Eric’s voice suddenly booms. 

My eyes fly open, to see him standing at the foot of the bed, naked. There’s a faint scent of recent cigarette smoke. His chest rises and falls, as he strokes himself while watching me pleasure myself. “I guess not,” I purr. Flinging the sheet off, I spread my legs slowly in invitation. He accepts it without hesitancy, crawling on the bed then sinking over me.

Eric’s mouth once more blazes a hot, wet trail over my throat and chin, then descending lower. He catches my plump, golden breast, his teeth raking over my nipple. Shivers of pleasure ripple through me, making my toes curl. I reach down and begin to stroke his sizable cock, relishing the feel of him in my hand; hot, hard, thick, and silky-smooth.

Hooking my legs over his hips, I roll him onto his back. Our mouths still connected, I descend lower, wanting the taste of him on my tongue. After licking a wet stripe up his entire length, I swallow him whole without warning. 

“Fuck, Jade…”

I slowly suck him from the back of my throat to the tip of my lips.  Swirling my tongue over his sensitive head, I lightly rake my teeth over it the same way he did my nipple, then taking him to the back of my throat again. I start to go faster, keeping the pressure of my mouth firm. Eric knots his fingers in my hair, urging me on. “Fuck…oh fuck..” he hisses, just as I feel hot, viscid spurts hit the inside of my cheek.  Gripping each side of my head, Eric holds my head in place as he empties himself completely in my mouth. “Fuck…” he hisses through his teeth, as he tries to catch his breath.

His eyes burn into mine as I swallow, swiping a little bit of him from the corner of my mouth, then licking my finger. As I start to kiss my way back up to his chest, Eric grabs my hips and positions me over his mouth.

Straddling his face, I grasp his hair in an iron-like grip. Eric reaches up and kneads my breast roughly, pinching both nipples. Before long, a frenzy builds to an almost unbearable level. “Eric…”  His tongue laps every inch of me, as I grind furiously on his face. As he clamps down on my clit and begins to suckle, I start to see stars. Just as I’m about to come, he sits up suddenly, grabbing my waist. In one fluid motion, he rolls me onto my back, grabbing my ankles.

Holding them on either shoulder, he plunges into me, making me cry out. Giving me no time to adjust, the entire length of his body covers me completely, making my toes touch the pillow behind my ears. Holding on to the headboard, I gasp his name as he pounds into me, each thrust more intense than the next. He finally releases my ankles, flipping me onto my stomach.  

Hooking an arm around my waist, he yanks me up so that I’m bowed before him. Before I have time to catch my breath, Eric takes control of my hips and plunges into me again. He hits that spot nestled deep into my aching core, making every fiber of my being come alive. My knuckles turn white from gripping the sheets so hard. Running his hand from the base of my spine to the back of my head, he seizes a handful of my hair. Yanking my head back only just not painfully, he puts his lips right next to my ear.

“Now for a few reminders,” he rumbles. “This…” he suddenly slaps my ass with stinging force, making me clench around him, “-is mine…. This-” he grips my breast with his other hand, pinching my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, “-is mine….this-“ he releases my breast and yanks my jaw toward him, covering my lips with his. “this is mine,” he growls once he breaks our kiss. Shoving me forward, keeps my hair in one hand as he begins to pound me harder. One hand snakes over my waist, as his thick fingers find my clit. 

“Last but not least, this is mine…all fucking mine…” he declares as begins to jerk his hips forcefully. 

Eric rocks into me with all he has, as I continue to gasp pleadingly. Moving back, he turns me around and pulls me into a sitting position with him. I push his shoulders down, interlocking my palms with his as I once more slip him inside me. Swiveling my hips, I take him as deep as I can, desperate to reach my mark. After a while, Eric sits up and wraps his arms around me as I wrap my legs around him, arms around his neck and my head tilted back. Eric turns my face down to his, silently commanding me to look at him.

“Feel good?”

“Yes,” I whisper, nodding my head and desperately needing release.

“You need me to bring you off, don’t you,” he whispers smugly, thrusting harder.

“Yes…” 

His eyes search my face. “Then I want to hear you say it,” he finally grits out. Panic roars through me, as I don’t know what he means. “Say..say what?” His eyes narrow, as his jaw clenches. “What you shouldn’t have said in a fucking e-mail…” he utters in a thick voice. Taking a deep breath, I touch my lips to his lightly then grip the back of his head.

“I’m sorry…” I apologize in a strangled whisper.

Exhaling loudly, Eric grips my ass with one hand while his other winds into my hair. He surges into me with no restraint. Climbing higher and higher, my whole body seizes, then we both shatter to a million pieces together. My head goes all the way back, my hair brushing his knees. Eric’s eyes are scrunched shut, panting open mouthed against my jaw as he bites it lightly. 

We collapse on our backs together, wrapping our arms around each other. Snuggling against the warmth of his hard body, I sleepily kiss his jaw as I start to doze. Eric strokes my hair for a moment, then hooks a finger under my chin. Tilting my face to his, he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Don’t you ever pull this shit again…”

“Nothing happened with Four, Eric. I just-“

“I already know that, Jade.”

Surprise flickers on my face, as I prop myself up on my elbow.

“You do?”

“Yes. There’s nothing you’ll ever be able to hide from me. God help you if you try.”

He hooks his leg over mine, then continues. “Don’t you ever let shit go on this long again. Next time you have something to say, don’t be a pussy about it…it didn’t have to be this difficult, and next time I won’t be so lenient with you.”

Heat floods every inch of my skin, as my lips part slightly. Instead of arguing, I nod in agreement. The corners of my mouth turn up slightly, as I press a lazy kiss on his jaw. I tuck my head under his chin as we both drift into peaceful slumber, feeling a deep sense of contentment.

For the first time in a long time, everything is as it should be.


	23. Outtake - Unfiltered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric's POV. Picking up where the last chapter left off, Eric reflects on his encounter with Four. There was a surprising result, and a discovery made....unknown to Jade herself. 
> 
> Warnings: Language
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> -Emmy

Eric quietly disentangles his arms from Jade’s sleeping form. She stirs for a moment, but her eyes remain closed, her breathing shallow. Getting up as quietly has he can, he pulls on a pair of sweatpants and reaches for his smokes. Stepping out on to his balcony, he lights up and stares off into the rising sun.

Closing his eyes, he inhales slowly. The sense of relief he feels is slightly overwhelming, and he’s not ready to come down from this high yet. Sinking into his chair, he tilts his face toward the sky, letting the early morning breeze wash over him. Opening his eyes, he can’t help but shake his head in bewilderment, pondering the events of yesterday and last night. He’s still processing everything that happened, not only from reuniting with Jade, but what he’d discovered by chance…

…from none other than Four himself.

As soon as he had the chance, he stormed down to the Control Room, fully prepared to drag Four out of the office and beat an explanation out of him. But as it turned out, he didn’t have to.

Eric’s heart skips a beat. Blood begins to roar in his ears, as he recalls what happened when he got there…..

* * *

**DAY BEFORE**

“So let me get this straight,” Eric thunders in a chilling voice, his irritation evident. The cement floor thumps under his boots as he steps closer, making the young Dauntless patrol guards visibly gulp. “A whole fucking _squad_ was only able to get one of them?”

Eric keeps his glare steady, as they all glance at each other. “Somebody better fucking speak!” Eric roars, his patience run out. The youngest one immediately blurts out, “Sir, they disguised themselves in Candor clothing and hid their weapons underneath. When the scanner didn’t read them as faction members, they were approached by a guard who grew suspicious. That’s when they opened fire, then ran. We think they were planning to shoot up the courthouse…the factionless trials in particular.”

“You think, or you know,” Sebastian seethes. Candor security is his operation, and he does not like being put in a bad light. Even though he and Eric are friends, that goes out the window when it comes to their jobs. Eric is still his boss, and shows no leniency in any aspect. Eric glances at Sebastian then back at the guard. “How did he get past the initial entrance? Who was responsible for manning the perimeter?”

Taking a deep, shaky breath, the guard nods. “I’d stepped away for a moment, to relieve myself. When I came back, they were already at the scanner-“ he gulps down the rest of what he was about to say, as Sebastian knocks a chair out if his way as he gets within an inch of his face.

“You didn’t have someone cover your post…you just left it unattended?”

“I was only gone for a second, sir-“

“And look what fucking happened, in ‘only a second’ soldier!”

Eric turns a steely eye on Sebastian. “Is this standard procedure? Your guards are allowed to just roam freely, leaving their assignments whenever the fuck they want if they feel like it? I didn’t realize this is the kind of thing you allowed…” Sebastian inhales sharply.

“No, it sure the fuck isn’t,” he snarls, his eyes never leaving the visibly shaken guard in front of him. “So let me get this straight…you ignored protocol and put lives in danger, simply because you couldn’t wait to take a piss?” He and Eric glare expectantly at him, as he desperately tries to find his voice. Eric glances between him and Sebastian, hoping Sebastian knows an example needs to be made. He doesn’t disappoint.

“ _SPEAK, BITCH!”_ Sebastian roars at the top of his lungs, making the guard jump.

“S-sir, I-I…it won’t happen again…I..I..”

“If you’re going to stutter like a fucking idiot, just shut the fuck up.”

Sebastian regards him and the rest of the guards with open contempt. “How the fuck did any of you ever pass initiation,” he sneers in disgust. “You’re supposed to be Dauntless, but when it comes to actually doing your fucking job, you cut and run like a bunch of fucking pussies. Not on my watch.” He shakes his head.

“Let me make myself crystal clear…this will never…ever…happen again. If no one can cover, you don’t fucking leave your station until they can. If you have to piss, piss in your fucking shoe. If you ever….and I mean ever….leave your post again, you’ll be charged with dereliction of duty and go before the council. You want to freeze your ass off with the factionless every night, pull this shit again.”  Sebastian steps closer, his nose grazing the petrified man in front of him.

“In fact, you’ll find out what that’s like today. You’re off Candor detail for the next two weeks…. where you’ll spend at the wall.” The guard doesn’t say anything, just nods. Eric looks to Sebastian with silent approval. Trusting that Sebastian has it handled, they exchange a nod of understanding as Eric moves toward the door.

Eric stomps out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Already pissed off from his conversation with Max earlier, this is just throwing more fuel on the fire. He needs to confront Four, and he’s sick of everything getting in his way. As reluctant as Brady was to tell him, he’d finally gotten the gist of the rumors.

“Bullshit,” he’d whispered in disbelief. Brady shrugged.

“Probably…to be honest though, no one really believes it happened.”

“Why is that?”

“Well…isn’t Four gay? I’ve never seen him with a girl….”

But Eric was only half-listening at this point, his rage practically eating him alive. He’d tried to make his way to the Control Room, but got the call that he was needed at HQ. Eric pulls out his phone, and against his better judgment, shuts it off. He needs to get to the bottom of this, and he can’t have any distractions.

Storming down to the path, the strange whispers and stares he keeps getting only piss him off more. Seeing complete red as he gets near the door, the mention of Jade’s name stops him dead in his tracks. Narrowing his eyes, he forces himself to calm down and remain silent. Cautiously peeking in, he sees Zeke and Four at the surveillance screens, engrossed in casual conversation. Eric strains his ears, careful to remain out of their line of vision. Inching slightly closer, he begins to eavesdrop.

“What was I supposed to do, Zeke? Leave her there? Let some asshole find her, and think because she couldn’t say no, he could just help himself?”

“Look, I’m not judging…I just think you have the willpower of steel, is all. You’re a better man than most…”

“Believe me it would not have happened, even if I wanted it to…Jade is not exactly my type.”

 “How is Jade not your type? She’s kind of every guy’s type…”

“Crazy is not my type. For Christ’s sake Zeke, the woman was yelling at inanimate objects and tossing things in the chasm. She wasn’t exactly in a clear state of mind,” Four says ruefully. “She said a lot of things I bet she doesn’t even remember, or knows she said at all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it would be kind of hard to focus, when Jade was so drunk she was crying and apologizing …but had no idea who the hell I was.”

“Who did she think you were?”

“Eric.  I can’t think of any other reason she would tell me she loves me,” Four laughs.

 

Time seemed to freeze, as Eric was positive he hadn’t heard that right.

 

“Jesus Christ… God help that poor girl,” Zeke laughs.

“Tell me about it…” Four says grimly. “When I put her to bed, she was all ‘I’m so sorry, Eric…I love you…’ my skin almost crawled off my body…”

 

Eric feels his palms start to sweat, as he struggles to keep his feet planted. Shock and an unfamiliar sensation begin to unfold over him. He did hear that correctly… Willing himself to focus, he tunes back in to their conversation.

 

“-But what about what happened over the chasm? I saw her on the monitor trying to shove her tongue down your throat.”

“What you saw, was Jade too drunk and upset to realize I wasn’t Eric. When she thought I…he…was rejecting her, she freaked out even harder.  I’m telling you Zeke, there was no reasoning with her….”

“I don’t know man. Jade’s always been a little bit out there. I grew up with her…and I remember what happened with her dad. She was pretty messed up for a while.”

“I wish I didn’t know how that feels, but I can relate.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing…forget it…”

Eric squeezes his eyes shut momentarily, trying to get his bearings. Even though he now knows Jade didn’t sleep with Four, he still feels a sense of betrayal. All this time, he’s been trying to get Jade to face reality, and it appears she finally has….only she admitted it to Four, his arch enemy…..not to Eric himself. Feeling his fury start to rise, he forces himself to keep his warring temper in check.

Zeke and Four are now blathering on another subject, so Eric quietly walks away, trying to figure out his next move. He feels like there’s a war going on inside him. His Erudite logic is telling him to be reasonable, that Jade was in a drunken stupor and not in control of herself. 

But part of him is hoping it was her open, unguarded heart speaking the truth.

* * *

Four is just sitting down at his desk with food, when the door bangs open. A hush falls over the room, and he doesn’t need to turn around to know who just came in. Not bothering to look up, he rolls his eyes with a sigh. He knew this was only a matter of time. Four flips on the monitor, going about his business. He has no desire to get into this bullshit, but it’s best to get this over with. Eric makes a beeline for his station, glaring at everyone else.

“I need to speak with Four. Everyone else fuck off. 

The three other people all glance at each other nervously. Eric’s chest puffs out slightly. “Do I fucking stutter? _Fuck off!”_ They immediately all scramble for the door, wanting no part of this, but desperately wanting to see what happens. Once the room is clear, Eric turns a cold eye back on the object of his rage.

Four takes a bite of his biscuit, then lays it on the table. He might need both hands in a minute, depending on how this goes. He continues to watch the monitor disinterestedly, but prepares himself to do what he must. Eric slowly paces toward him, stopping right in front of his desk. With an exasperated sigh, Four finally looks up.

“What can I do for you, Eric?”

“Seems you and I have something to discuss.”

“Seems that discussion would be better suited between you and Jade.”

Four slowly stands, setting his jaw firmly. “Look Eric, I’m really not in the mood for this virtual pissing contest. So let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? I don’t know what nonsense you’ve been hearing, but nothing happened with Jade-” Four stops, caught off guard at Eric’s expression. Where he thought he’d see rage, he only sees disdain. Eric crosses his arms, shaking his head.

“No fucking shit, Stiff. Even if Jade were desperate enough, she’d know better than to turn to you,” Eric sneers, but Four just shakes his head. He won’t be baited. Clenching his jaw, Eric steps closer.

“The next time you want to play white-knight-in-shining-armor though….don’t. You call me or have someone else call me instead, and I’ll handle it. Is that clear?”

Rolling his eyes slightly, Four shakes his head. “Sure…” Sitting back down, he turns his attention back to the screen. Befuddled by Eric’s strange calm, he decides not to engage. Irritated by not getting the reaction he was hoping for, Eric can’t resist. Smirking, he leans forward slightly.

“Besides…it’s not like you’d know what to do with her anyway. Do they even teach Stiffs what a dick is for? Or is that considered selfish….” 

Four sighs, his breath whistling through his teeth. He knows Eric is just trying to get a rise out of him, and he won’t indulge this immature attempt. “Something else you need? I’m kind of busy.” Eric’s features harden, his jaw clenching as he steps closer. Four never breaks eye contact, even with Eric’s intentional long pause before speaking.

“Stay the fuck away from Jade. Your one and only warning.”

He knocks Four’s biscuit off the desk, turning and stomping away without another word.

* * *

Eric stalks into his penthouse, pissed off and about to snap. He went to Jade’s apartment first, but found it empty. His impatience is growing by the minute, as well as his temper. He’s had it with this bullshit, and this unnecessary distance between them. He wants this resolved and settled, and Jade back in his bed where she belongs. He doesn’t care what kind of fight Jade puts up, or if it takes all night.

He goes straight into his office, and sits down at his desk. Punching a code into his computer, he accesses Jade’s tracker. “Fuck,” he swears under his breath. The serum he injected into Jade burns off after a few weeks, and it’s no longer readable. He pulls up another program and enters the tracker coordinates on Jade’s phone. A moment later a map appears on his screen, pinging her location. 

“Son of a bitch,” he snarls. His frustration continues to mount, as he sees Jade is out of the compound. She’s in a bar, but still in the Dauntless sector of the city. He throws his phone on his desk in anger. He doesn’t like her going out in the city without him, and certainly not when she was prone to fits of drunken blackouts as of late. He’s tired of waiting, and wants her home now. She has a lot of explaining to do….

Eric glances at his watch. It’s getting late, and the last train of the night will be pulling through not long from now. She should be coming home soon…the city is on a curfew due to the recent uprisings. Something occurs to him as he strokes his chin. When he went to Jade’s apartment, it looked like she hadn’t been there in a while. Was she even coming home tonight? Where has she been if not in her apartment?

Scowling, he pulls up citizen records and enters Jade’s faction number. Typing in his council code, he opens the data listed to Jade’s phone. His eyes scan the screen as he begins to scroll through her text messages and call history. Leah….Leah….Rachel….Leah….Samantha….Tamra… He stops when he gets to Jade’s mother, reading their exchange from the other night.

-Did you eat yet? Do you want me to bring dinner home? Or do you want to meet at the hall?

-I’m not hungry mom, I’m just going to go to bed.

-DID YOU EAT YET? Answer me, Jade.

-No, and I’m not hungry.

-I’m bringing home a grilled cheese with tomato. YOU WILL EAT IT IN FRONT OF ME, so I know you at least had something today.

-Fine…how long are you going to be? I’m really tired…

-I’m swinging by the food hall then I’ll be home. There’s an extra blanket on your bed. Remember your room gets cold at night.

“Goddamn it,” Eric snarls. Why is Jade staying with Tamra? That’s the one place he can’t go….that crazy bitch almost put a bullet in his head the last time he saw her. If he barges in, Max will surely hear about it and there’ll be hell to pay.

Lighting up a cigarette, he forces himself to focus. Jade isn’t back in the compound yet. He has to get to her before she heads to her mother’s apartment. It’s either that, or he has to somehow make sure Tamra isn’t there when he shows up. “Fat fucking chance,” he grumbles. Turning his attention back to the screen, he sets an alarm on Jade’s faction code number. He needs to be immediately alerted when she passes through the scanner into Dauntless.

He pulls up the Dauntless mail system. Overriding Jade’s password with his own, he logs into her e-mail. Most of it is mundane and work-related, so he scrolls through quickly. He stops when he sees a message from the housing office. Clicking on the thread, is curiosity is raised.

“Intent to vacate,” he reads aloud, puzzled. Jade is moving out of her apartment? To go where? Why?

Scrolling down, he finds it. She’s moving into the new building that’s being renovated. Her move in date is right after the next initiation class. Eric growls lowly in anger. What the fuck is going on? Why is this all happening, and he wasn’t notified of any of it? With a mirthless chuckle, Eric shakes his head disbelievingly.

Does Jade really think he won’t find her, even if she moves apartments? It’s so stupid it’s funny.

As Eric is poring over the rest of her e-mails, looking for anything else Jade might be trying to hide or never mentioned, he hears a ping. Looking at the corner of the screen, he sees the red indicator of a new e-mail message to himself. Switching over, his heart jumps slightly.

_Crawford, Jade  (No Subject)_

A feeling of dread as well as confusion makes his stomach drop. Why would Jade e-mail him instead of text?

He quickly clicks opens it, eyes glued to the screen. As he reads her message, fury begins to roil in his veins. Beginning at the bottom of his feet, it sears it’s way to the top of his head. “You fucking bitch,” he hisses. Enraged to the point he might actually destroy his computer, he shoves himself away from his desk before he can. Picking up his chair, he hurls it across the room. It hits the wall with such force, the legs snap off as it clatters to the floor.

Stomping across the room, he rips the books covering his safe from the shelf. Throwing them haphazardly behind him, he types his code to unlock it. Once the light turns green, Eric reaches in and pulls out one of the small syringes. He doesn’t want to have to use this on Jade, but he will if he has to. She will not get away tonight. She will explain herself, and this bullshit e-mail she just sent.

Just as he secures it in his pocket, his phone buzzes. Eric’s heart leaps into his throat as he looks down at it. “Fuck,” he whispers, hastily moving toward the door. Jade just came through the scanner. He has to go _now_. If he wants to head her off, he’s going to have to use the tunnel passage available only to the council.

As he rides down the elevator, his eyes narrow in rage. His mind begins to race as it sinks in. An e-mail…. _a six sentence fucking e-mail_ ….that’s how she chose to apologize? That’s what she thought would get rid of him? Words on a screen? Right now, Eric is having a hard time believing that Jade actually ranked first in initiation. She may be lethal in combat, only have five fears in her landscape, and one of the best shots in Dauntless, but doesn’t have the balls to face him and apologize in person? She refuses to see what’s right in front of her because she’s too scared of her own feelings? She thinks she’s the one whom decides when this relationship is over?

So she thinks she’s just going to let him go, throwing everything away because she’s too much of a pussy to face it, and fight for him the way he would for her?

What a cowardly little bitch….

Eric hardly waits as the elevator reaches the bottom. Quickly typing in the code, the laser scans his eye, then the wall falls back. Eric pulls out his phone as he walks through it, accessing the compound’s cameras. Finally, they catch Jade. Shit, he has to move……Jade just passed the net. He has to get to her before she gets on the elevators.

Taking off in the direction that would meet her, Eric’s determination sets in. He wants answers from her, and he will get them. He’s tired of her keeping him at arm’s length, and this bullshit charade of him not meaning anything to her. Though it thoroughly pissed him off that she did this in an e-mail, the simple fact that she apologized at all proves he’s more to her than she wants him to be.

One way or the other, he will crack Jade’s code, even if she doesn’t say the actual words.

* * *

**PRESENT**

Eric snuffs out his cigarette, flicking it over the side. Placing his hands on the railing, he stares into the beginning hustle and bustle of the city below. A small smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. He feels a thousand pounds lighter than he has in the past few weeks, and it’s given him some much needed clarity. 

He hasn’t wanted to admit that Jade is the first woman that’s ever made him want more. Eric isn’t in denial about himself. He knows exactly what kind of man his, and what he’ll always be. Men like him don’t ever change. Before he met her, he didn’t even know what ‘more’ was…he’s lived his life with the belief that women are the ultimate downfall of men. He’s had no time or patience for women, and only saw them as befitting of one purpose.

But Jade has shown him that there could be ‘more’….and he only wants that with her, regardless of how this started out.

Looking up, he glances inside to the bed, where Jade is still sound asleep. The sunlight is starting to creep over the covers, giving her hair the appearance of spun gold. One of her impossibly long legs is on top, making Eric’s blood heat as his eye travels the length of her body. Making his way inside slowly, he watches her for a moment, unable to help himself.

As he gazes at Jade’s sleeping face, he reminds himself that he still has a lot of work to do. Though they made significant progress last night, there’s still a long way to go. Eric won’t let Jade delude herself any longer, nor will he let her have the reins ever again. On what fucking planet he ever allowed that to happen, he’s certain he doesn’t know. In fact, he should take care of one hurdle right now.

Walking quietly to his office, he logs on to Jade’s e-mail again. He scrolls down until he finds the message from the housing office. Typing a quick message, he keeps an ear out for Jade waking up. Firing off another e-mail shortly after, he pulls out his phone. When the other end connects, Eric lowers his voice.

“This is confidential….that’s an order. There will be no communication sent to her regarding this, and if questions arise, you are to contact me directly. If she finds out before I want her to, you’ll be held responsible. Is that clear?”

“Yes sir.”

Hanging up without another word, he taps his phone against his chin for a moment.  Closing his computer, he makes his way back to the bedroom. Standing at the foot of the bed, he quietly strips off his sweatpants and moves toward her. Today is Jade’s birthday, though she’s probably not aware that he knows that. Though he’s never acknowledged or ever cared about anyone’s birthday but his own, he intends to make this one she’ll never forget.

Gazing at her, he feels his resolve strengthen to see this through. He’s never going to be one of the good guys, and he’s learned to live with himself. But what he can also be, is the man that Jade needs, whether she knows she needs it or not. Though he’s not a patient man, he’ll have plenty of time to get through to her. All because one thing is for certain.

Jade is back where she belongs, and he’ll never let her go again.


	24. Smoke and Mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War is brewing with the factionless, as Jade turns another year older. She and Eric start to navigate their new relationship.
> 
> ****Eric is not nice in this chapter...if you don't like the evil version of him, I suggest skipping this part.***
> 
> Language, violence, 'drug' use, light smut. 
> 
> -Emmy

A strange, continuous beep startles me from my sleep.

Blinking lazily, I lift my head and look to my right. Eric’s phone is vibrating on the table, a red light flashing from the screen. A moment later, I hear Eric’s steady footfalls beside the bed. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. “Coulter,” he snaps tersely, as he walks out to his balcony. I drop my head back down on the pillow, too tired to move.

Rolling to my side, I start to fall back asleep as Eric’s voice filters in from outside. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” he says after a short conversation, then hangs up without another word. He’s going somewhere…. which means I need to get my lazy ass up. Yawning, I reach for my phone to see what time it is. “Shit,” I grumble. Why do I always forget to charge my phone when I’m here?  Glancing at the clock, I do a double take. “Holy shit...” It’s a lot later than I thought. Blushing slightly, a small smile pulls at my lips.

Eric did wake me up…in the best way…earlier this morning, so I didn’t technically sleep in. Pulling the sheet higher, I begin to look for my clothes. Eric’s large frame fills the doorway, and I look up with a soft smile. He doesn’t return it, just makes his way toward me. Sinking down, he grips the back of my head and pulls me into a hot, hard kiss. Just when I think we’re about to go back to bed again, he breaks it and pulls back. Staring at him breathlessly, Eric runs his thumb over my lower lip.

“Something came up…I have to get to HQ.”

“Okay…where are my clothes?”

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’? I need to get dressed…”

“No, you don’t.”

Pursing my lips in confusion, I shake my head at him. “Yes…I do. Unless you’d like me to walk home naked, I need to get dressed.” Eric doesn’t say anything for a moment, then moves back over me until I sink into the pillow. “What I meant,” he murmurs in between kisses to my throat, “Is that you don’t need to get dressed, because I don’t want you to leave. This might not take long, and I want to find you the same way I left you.” My eyes close, as my leg instinctively wraps around his waist.

“Don’t start something you won’t finish…”

“Don’t say things you know are bullshit…”

 Giggling slightly, I scrape my nails lightly over the back of his head. “As much as I would love to stay in bed all day…” Eric closes his eyes as I press kisses along his jaw.“….I have some things to do, and so do you. Half the day is gone.” Glancing over his shoulder, I spot my clothes sitting on top of his dresser. Eric still doesn’t move, and my smile drains as a serious look comes over his face.

“You realize we are nowhere near done with discussing what happened last night, right?”

Hearing anger seeping into his tone, I swallow thickly. Of course Eric was not going to let it go, and I expected no less…..though I don’t look forward to having that discussion. At all. Finally nodding, I meet his eyes. “Yeah…I guess we need to clear the air a little.” Neither of us speak for a moment, and Eric’s features harden.

“I may have been….momentarily distracted….last night, but in no way, shape or form do you get out of explaining yourself and all the subsequent bullshit that has ensued from this little tiff of ours.”

My natural defiant streak suddenly flares up, and my eyes narrow. Slipping out from under him before he can stop me, I cross the room and pick up my clothes.

“You know your name is Eric Coulter and not Tom Crawford, right? You are not my father and do not speak to me as if I were a fucking child. What happened wasn’t solely my fault, you know, and I’m not the only one that needs to explain themselves. You have a lot to answer for as well,” I snap as I hastily get dressed.

Eric’s jaw clenches, and he slowly rises from the bed. He stops two feet away from me, and I lift my chin defiantly. “Fucking relax,” he grits out. “Stop turning everything into an argument just for the hell of it.” As we stare each other down, a small smile pulls at his lips, and I desperately try to keep from cracking one myself. Eric shakes his head and wraps his arms around my waist.

“I have to get to HQ, so this is a conversation for later. I was merely reiterating that we aren’t done here…in any sense.”

“I know that…so no need to be a dick.”

I lick my lips slightly as he rolls his eyes. Grabbing my shoes, I slip into them and pick up my phone. “Besides, I need to charge my phone. For some reason it doesn’t hold one for very long.” Eric puckers his brow. “Just charge it here.” He nods toward his nightstand. I shake my head vigorously.

“Yeah…because that worked out _so well_ for us last time.”

* * *

**ERIC**

Sebastian and Logan look up from the round table. Eric stalks into the Command Room, his boots thumping heavily. “This better be real fucking important,” he grumbles to himself as the other leaders and commanders start to filter into the room. He had no intention of letting Jade out of bed today, but he got the call he couldn’t ignore. Making a beeline for the table, he glances around.

“Where’s Max?”

“On his way…we just got the report from recon patrol, and we have to move quickly.”

“What’s going on?”

Before Sebastian can answer, Max enters the room, flanked on either side by his entourage. “Status,” he barks with no other greeting. One of the young commanders, Alexandra, immediately stands up straighter.

“Reports of suspicious activity were radioed in from my patrol squad near Abnegation. They noticed a pack of factionless were heading in an odd direction, and were carrying bags of some sort. I ordered them to follow discreetly, activate surveillance and remain out of sight until further instruction. “

Alexandra flips the switch under the table. The projection image lights up the screen before them, as they all turn their attention to it. “My team is in position as we speak, ready to move on command.” They all watch, as about at least twenty to thirty factionless men and women are carrying boxes in and out of the rundown, large building. “What’s in that box?” Taylor, another commander wonders aloud. Eric steps forward, his eyes narrowed as he realizes what it is. “Gunpowder.”  The others all glance at each other. Alexandra nods.

“Yes sir… by all appearances, it seems a factionless ‘stash house’ has been discovered, with enough weapons and ammo to overtake Chicago.”

“Where?”

“Just on the outskirts of the city….looks to be an abandoned warehouse of sorts. No other buildings around it.”

Max turns to her. “Did they observe where the factionless came from with the bags? What sector?” Alexandra shakes her head. “They weren’t spotted until they one of them came out of the alley near Abnegation. The patrol was going to detain and question, but I thought it would be  better to see exactly where they were heading. It might’ve led to something bigger….and I was right.”

Max nods in approval. Alexandra’s chest puffs out just slightly, but she otherwise shows no emotion. “Ready to move on your orders, sir.” Max turns to address the room in whole.

 “I want covert op on this. They can’t be tipped off and have a chance to get away.” He turns to Eric. “Mobilize two squads, with the understanding that this is confidential. I don’t want those nosy fucks from Candor press getting wind and reporting this until we’re ready.” Max studies the monitor for a minute, then turns to Eric again.

“I want those weapons confiscated and analyzed.  Someone is supplying them, and I want to know who.”

Eric’s eye sweeps the room, as the others stare back intently. “I heard it firsthand….the factionless believe they are not bound by our laws and act at will. They will not willingly give up their weapons or information without drastic measures. An example needs to be made if they’re to be brought to heel.”

A cold glint forms in Max’s eye, as he turns back to the room. “Zero tolerance policy needs to be reemphasized. Coulter is right; an example needs to be set.  I want the rest of the factionless scum to see what will happen to them if this doesn’t stop.” All council leaders standing at the round table nod in agreement with Max.

“So what do you suggest?” Max asks. A smug little smirk pulls at the corners of Eric’s mouth.

“Simple. No mercy… and we give them a taste of their own medicine.”  Eric snuffs out his cigarette and looks at the others pointedly. “Any outlaw guilty of raiding or harming citizens will no longer be brought to Candor for trial. They’ll be detained for questioning, and if no cooperation given, they face a Dauntless firing squad. That goes for anyone abetting them as well.” Max just gives him a hardened stare.

“I’ll leave that to your discretion….but make sure your message is clear.”

* * *

Eric picks up the rifle, running his hand over the smooth steel. Inspecting closer, he admires the intricate craftsmanship of the weapon. “Impressive,” he murmurs, aiming it at the wall in front of him. “Even has iron sights.” Putting the rifle down, he turns to the factionless men and women kneeling on the dirt floor. All have their hands bound behind them, with the squad of soldiers pointing rifles at their heads.

Dauntless managed to overtake the band of factionless after a small firefight, catching them unawares. They engaged, but quickly realized they were grossly outnumbered and surrendered. When the Dauntless entered the abandoned warehouse, they were in awe. Boxes upon boxes of gunpowder and ammo were stacked practically to the ceiling. But the real treasure, were the guns. Rifles, hand guns, automatic weapons….and all of them as precise as if manufactured in the Dauntless facility itself. But they weren’t. None of them contained the tracking numbers, and the steel didn’t match the kind used by the Dauntless. These were not crafted in any faction. Though not fully inventoried, a quick surmise made it possible for the number to be in the thousands. 

Eric had immediately ordered all of it confiscated, calling in the trucks from the Dauntless armory to have it all hauled away. The factionless glare at them openly, as the boxes and weapons are carried out, one by one. “Stop,” Eric orders three Dauntless, just as they get to the back wall stacked with gunpowder. “Leave that there for now.” Puzzled, the soldiers glance at each other, but put them down.

Eric surveys his captives slowly, stopping when he gets to a man in the middle. Studying him for a moment, something familiar is pinged with him. The man is slight in build, with green eyes and light brown hair. His clothes are tattered and too big, but the one thing Eric notices is that he wears glasses. Stooping down, he peers more closely. “You were Erudite,” he states as the man looks up and meets his eye. Recognition hits him, and he arches his brow in surprise.

“I know you…you were a year ahead of me in levels….Jeremy….right?” Eric asks, and he nods. “We lived two floors down from each other growing up…” Jeremy doesn’t say anything, just stares ahead blankly. “That won’t work,” he finally says in a bored tone. Eric peers down at him.

“What won’t?”

“We weren’t friends in Erudite, Eric. Don’t try to mind fuck me. Besides, it’s useless. Even if I wanted to tell you what you wanted to know, I couldn’t.

“Why not?”

He doesn’t say anything, shaking his head and looking down. Eric mulls his options for a moment. He could kill him right here and now and make an example, or he could do what he does best. Analyze, find the best angle, and get what he needs from there. He doesn’t believe for a second Jeremy doesn’t have something…anything that could be useful.

Eric stoops down, feigning as much sincerity as he can. Resting his gun beside him, he places his arm on his knee. Jeremy finally meets his eye, curious about Eric’s sudden shift in mood. 

“Okay….look….I wouldn’t normally do this, but you and I have some history so I think I can make an exception. Just tell me where the other stash houses are, and I won’t kill you.”

Jeremy shakes his head in disbelief. “You forget I grew up with you, Eric. Mercy isn’t in your vocabulary. I’m as good as dead…there’s no reason I should betray our cause.” Eric sets his jaw firmly.

“What ‘cause’ is that?”

Jeremy clenches his jaw while shaking his head. Eric softens his expression slightly, and rubs his temple. “Look…I’m trying to throw you a lifeline here. Let me make this clear; this is the only opportunity you’ll have. If you foolishly turn it down, it will make perfect sense of why you didn’t make it in Erudite.”

Eric’s features harden, as he sees Jeremy’s internal struggle of whether or not to betray his comrades. Just when Eric thinks he won’t crack, he speaks. “I don’t know how many of them there are, we only know about the ones we’re assigned to. We’re not told in case something like this happens.” He hangs his head.

“Who gives the assignment?”

“I don’t know…”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t know who you take orders from?”

“No, not in entirety.”

“What do you mean?”

Jeremy looks up with an almost defiant glare. “Our leader is very protective of their identity. They know it wouldn’t be logical to expose themselves just yet, with things just getting underway. We get our orders through the commanders assigned under them. Once everything is in place, all will be revealed. It doesn’t matter how many of us you capture; no one will be able to tell you anything. Not until our leader is ready.”

A heavy silence falls, as everyone waits for Eric’s reaction. After what seems like an eternity, Eric gives a small sigh as he stands. “Thank you for your cooperation.” Surprise shows on Jeremy’s face, as that’s not what he was expecting. Eric places his hand over his heart mockingly.

“Jeremy….I’m a man of my word. I promised if you cooperated, I wouldn’t kill you and I meant it. I’m not going to harm you.” Eric looks to Sebastian, a silent understanding passing between them. Sebastian turns, lifting his arm and aiming his gun at Jeremy’s head. His eyes widen in horror as Sebastian cocks the hammer. A cold, cruel grin breaks over Eric’s face.

“Unfortunately for you, my colleague here made no such promise. _I’m_ not going to kill you. _He_ is.”

Jeremy’s screams are muffled instantly, as Sebastian fires. Blood splatters onto the faces of the other bound factionless, as Jeremy’s lifeless form slumps to the floor. Eric chuckles in amusement, as the man to his right suddenly has a wet spot appear down his leg. “No wonder you failed your factions,” he sneers. The man bows his head and begins to pray quietly, his eyes squeezed shut. Eric shakes his head wryly. He points his gun at the man’s head.

“Just a tip…I don’t think he’s listening to you.”

The woman beside him screams, as the man falls sideways into her. The bullet Eric fired passed all the way through his skull, and hit the man behind him as well. Both of them slump to the floor, brain matter and blood pooling on the floor. As the woman cries openly in terror, Eric suddenly turns to his squad.

“Everyone outside. Now”.

Baffled, they all glance at each other. “Sir…should one of us stay behind? Are we just going to leave them there?” A young female soldier asks, and his eyes whip to hers. She visibly gulps as his gaze pierces through her. “Are you in command here? Or am I?” he snarls, and she immediately falls back, hurrying outside with the others. Sebastian straightens his jacket, glancing at the gun powder left behind then back to Eric. No explanation is needed, as he already knows what’s about to happen.

“Give me ten minutes to get the supply trucks a safe distance away. I’ll take alpha and delta teams…bravo will stay behind. I’ll remind them that they’re on a covert op and to keep their fucking mouths shut if they want to stay off the wall.”

Eric nods in approval. “Make a call to dispatch…get the disaster response team out. We don’t want it to spread.”

“Copy that.”

Once all the Dauntless are in the trucks and headed back toward the compound, Eric slides into the passenger side of the utility vehicle. He purposely waits until his truck is the last in the fleet. Once the trucks are several car links away, he turns to the driver. “Stop.”

Puzzled, the driver pulls over and Eric jumps out. “Everyone out!” he barks at the handful of soldiers in the back. One by one, they jump out and fall into line behind Eric. “I’ll remind everyone again…this is covert op. Keep your fucking mouths shut about this, or face the council. Is that understood?” After hearing a collective ‘yes sir’, Eric turns his attention back to the building, now a safe distance away.

Eric scrutinizes the farmhouse for a minute, calculating the most likely angle of where the gunpowder would be.  “Tracer rounds,” he barks to the young soldier, whom immediately hands him his weapon. He glances toward the warehouse apprehensively, realizing what Eric is about to do.

“Sir….you’ll blow the whole building….there’s enough gunpowder in there to decimate everything within a near radius…” Eric snaps his eyes to his with a chilling glare.

“Is there a reason you felt the need to voice the fucking obvious, soldier? Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“No sir, of course not! I just thought maybe some extra caution should be taken, with all the greenery around. If it catches fire-“

“If it catches fire,” Eric interjects in a thunderous tone, “It will do one of two things, or both if we’re lucky. It’ll deter anyone waiting to ambush us on our way back to Dauntless, or it will kill them along with the idiots in that building. ”

Shifting his rifle over his shoulder, Eric steps forward. Addressing the squad as a whole, his mouth twists in a disgusted sneer.

“Take a look around you. Do you really think they don’t have their own recon squads out here, watching our every move right now? Max is right…we need to send a message. One that’s crystal clear about our intentions, if this doesn’t stop.”  

With that, Eric takes aim and fires.

As the rest of Dauntless watch with a mixture of horror and disbelief, a deafening boom vibrates the earth around them. A cloud of fire rises from the building with a blinding flash, spraying ash and wood all around it. As the structure burns to the ground, a human figure, propelled by the force of the blast, appears outside of where the entrance was. Muffled screams can be heard as they collapse, flames consuming their body.

Eric smirks coldly, as they watch the person burn to their death. “An example needed to be made….and here it is.” He gestures to the burning body, now still on the ground as flames singe away any semblance of the human being they were. He sweeps his eye over his squad.

“Let it be known, any person that stands against the faction system will die a traitor’s death….and anyone in the faction system itself aiding and abetting these outlaws, will burn with them.”

* * *

Max shakes his head in awe. “Jesus Christ, Coulter…never let it be said you do anything half-assed.”  The other leaders sitting at the table all smirk. Eric snuffs out his cigarette with shrug.

“You wanted a message sent. I sent it. Whether or not they choose to take it seriously remains to be seen.”

Eric leans back in his chair, lacing his hands over his stomach. “Whoever this is, isn’t fucking around. They’re keeping their identity concealed for a reason, which can only mean this is someone known to us. It’s the only logical explanation.” Just then, Max touches his earpiece. “Send her in,” he says a moment later. A buzzing sound strums through, then the door opens. Ava, the head of the Dauntless armory enters, carrying one of the confiscated weapons. Nodding toward the other leaders, she sets it on the table and gets straight to the point.

“While this is a finely crafted weapon, it didn’t come from Dauntless. Not our specs, no tracking number, not even our metal. Whoever made this knew what they were doing though. The only thing I could find that was unusual,” she picks it up and takes the clip out. Holding one of the bullets, she continues. “The ammo used in these is very strange. They’re small and rounder, no hollow point. Almost like what they used back in ancient times….and just as deadly.” She lays it back on the table. 

“While not manufactured in Dauntless, someone with an extensive knowledge of weapons had to have made this. This is even more advanced than what we currently use here.”

“How so?” Max asks.

“It has a broader range, also an advanced tracking system. There’s no telling what this could do. I do have a suggestion, though.”

“What’s that?”

Ava puts the clip back in, and looks up. “In order to gauge it’s true potential, it needs to be tested by someone with needle-precision. Tamra Crawford is the best shot we have. I’d put this in her hands and see what she can do with it. There’s no one in Dauntless more efficient with a weapon.” 

Max immediately sits up straighter, a fire in his eye. “I concur. I don’t want to put this off, either…I’m going to see to it personally. You will clear her schedule next week, and have Jacob take over the proficiency exams. She will not be in the Armory until I’m done with the analysis. Adjust staff rotation accordingly,” he commands. Eric bites back his amused smirk. Ava gives a curt nod.

“Yes sir.”

“You’re dismissed.”

Max waits until the door is shut behind her to continue. “All of you are to instruct your staff to compile two lists. They’ll need to search citizen records to find all Dauntless-borns that didn’t pass initiation, and their family records. The second, anyone that’s been exiled from Dauntless and the reason why. From five years ago to present. Some asshole with a clear grudge is orchestrating this, and I want to know who and why. Someone that knows not only how to handle a gun but also how to make them, is coming after this city. While it doesn’t appear we have a traitor within the faction, it doesn’t mean there isn’t one.” As they all make mental notes, Max strokes his chin.

“A war is brewing….and we need to be ready.”

* * *

**JADE**

“Is he an idiot? Did he say why?”

 “Jade, stay still or I’m going to get this everywhere,” Leah sighs. Furrowing her brow in concentration, she points to the ceiling. I look up, as she applies eyeliner to my lower lid. “Not really...he cancelled on me once, saying he got pulled into work suddenly, and was going to text to reschedule. I text him a few days later, and he never responded. He changed his mind for some reason.” She steps back to scrutinize her handiwork. Shaking my head incredulously, my mouth puckers in confusion.

“I grew up with Scott, and he’s never been like that. It doesn’t make sense….”

“Well, something spooked him, but I have no idea what it was.”

Shrugging nonchalantly, Leah picks up mascara. “It’s all right, Jade. To be honest, I was just going to go out with him because he’s the only one that seemed to be interested right now. But seriously….” She gestures to look up again, and my eyes turn upwards “…..is there something about me I’m just not seeing? I mean…I shave my legs, I wear makeup, I shower, I think I’m pretty attractive and I’m not an idiot, so what is it?  It’s like a have an invisible repellant on me or something.” My eyes shift to hers once she finishes my makeup. 

“What about Brady?”

“What about him?”

“You really think he’s not interested…”

“No, I really don’t…”

Leah exhales loudly. “Look Jade…I know you think Brady is into me, but trust me… he’s not. Once again, he’s had plenty of chances, and has never taken a single one. I haven’t heard from him in a while, either. I know he’s busy with all the shit going on in the city, but he hasn’t so much as text me once.” Hearing the slight air of frustration in her tone, I decide I’m going to drop it.

She walks into my closet and begins to rifle through my clothes. Choosing a black t-strap halter top and a pair of tight jeans, she lays them on my bed. “Get dressed…Samantha and Rachel are already in the Pit. If we don’t hurry, we’ll miss the train.” Glancing at the clock, I see she’s right. As I’m sliding into my shoes, she pokes her head in.

“Hey, I gotta stop by my place before we go…I forgot something.”

“All right, I guess just meet me in the Pit and we’ll go.”

“Will do.”

After giving my appearance one final inspection, I head out toward the elevators. As the car descends, I rest my head against the paneling. Sighing, a small giggle escapes me as I think about how this day has gone. My birthday has never been a big deal to me, and in fact….I’ve dreaded it ever since my dad’s been gone. My mom has always overcompensated for him not being here, but I let her go overboard and pretend to be excited.

It’s one of the few things I know bring her genuine happiness, so I’m not going to take that away from her.

After I left Eric’s, I went home, showered, and charged my phone. When it finally turned on, there were no less than a dozen texts messages. Mostly from my friends, asking if we were still on for tonight. The girls are taking me somewhere for my birthday, but haven’t told me where.  The others were from my mom, asking me to call her as soon as I can.

When I’d called her, she answered on the first ring……

**_Earlier that day_ **

 “Jade, where’ve you been? Why weren’t you answering your phone?”

“I’m sorry, I forgot to charge it last night and just plugged it in a little while ago. I was in the shower, I didn’t hear it ring…”

“I was worried….you didn’t show up this morning and I couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“Didn’t show up for what? Did we have plans?”

 “What the fuck do you mean ‘did we have plans’? We always have these plans…”

Confused, I made a mental checklist until it hit me. 

Every year on my birthday, my mom always makes my favorite breakfast, followed by a homemade Dauntless cake. It’s been a tradition ever since I was a little girl. “Oh…shit…that’s right…I’m sorry Mom, I guess I just forgot….”I offer sheepishly, and I imagine her pursing her lips, just like she always does when she’s about to scold me.

“You forgot what we’ve been doing every year for your birthday since you were little?”

“Yeah…I did….in fact, I forgot it was my birthday altogether, in my defense…”

“How come that doesn’t surprise me…”

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll be right there.”

I went to my mom’s and had our breakfast, followed by the cake. It was delicious, and one of the few things I look forward to. But what was really great….is that I was able to have an honest, real conversation with my mom about everything going on. Since I stayed with her for a few days, it was impossible to hide how being separated from Eric affected me. I wasn’t sleeping or eating well, and my mom was worried. I never fully explained, as I didn’t want to talk about it, but I decided to get it off my chest. 

After I gathered my courage, I told her everything that happened, including finding the tape of Ayden, the subsequent blowout with Eric, and waking up in Four’s bed. Tamra shook her head, clenching her teeth.

“Jade…what has gotten in to you lately…this is serious now…” Guilt stabs me as I hear the worry in her voice, and I quickly take her other hand. “Mom, I know it sounds bad, but I have it under control…” Tamra shakes her head vehemently.

“Almost falling to your death in a drunken stupor is not ‘under control’ Jade. Neither is waking up in some random guy’s bed…”

“I know, mom, I really do…and don’t worry…I know I have some changes to make, and I’m making them.”

Tamra’s eyes suddenly well with tears. “Jade listen to me,” she begins in a soft tone. She closes her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I watched your father destroy himself, and I’ll be damned if I watch my daughter do the same thing.” Her voice began to shake, as she took my hand. 

“Baby girl, you are the most precious thing in the world to me…you are my reason for breathing...lf something ever…happened….I….” she chokes up, unable to finish. I immediately took her other hand and squeezed.

  
“Mom, really, there’s nothing to worry about…I know I screwed up, and I know I have some changes to make. I, too, came to the same conclusion you did….this is the same road Daddy started to go down, and I realize that. A lot has happened these last few days to put things in real perspective. I’m no longer a child, and there are some areas where I have some real growing up to do. It’s time for me to put a few demons to bed for good…in a productive way.”  I explain calmly, as Tamra purses her lips. “Okay…so what’s the first step?” My heart starts beating faster, as I don’t know how she’ll react to what I’m about to say.

“I’m going to go visit Daddy’s resting site. There’s a few things I need to say, if only for me.” 

Tamra doesn’t speak for a moment, at a loss for words. When we got the news of my father’s death, something inside me just shut off. I was seventeen by then, no longer a little girl with unrealistic hopes that we would somehow be reunited. My mom had tried to convince me to come with her to spread his ashes, if only for closure, but I refused.

I’d tried to tell myself that my father was already dead to me and I’ve already mourned. I didn’t want to open old wounds, and saw no reason to bring a fresh set of pain upon myself. I simply buried all my feelings, pushing them deep down inside in hopes it would fade in time.

But if there’s something I’ve come to realize in the past few days, it’s this. If I’m going to move forward with my life as an independent adult in Dauntless, I have to face a few things and let them go for good. I need to make peace with myself and not let childhood scars deter me from my future any longer.

Visiting my dad and saying a final goodbye, I think is a good start.

Tamra takes a deep, shaky breath, this time letting her tears fall over her cheeks. “Mom…” I immediately get up and wrap my arms around her. “Oh, my baby girl…” she whispers, her head buried in my neck. My own tears fall over, and she pulls back and looks at me, taking both side of my face in her hands.

“I hope you know just how much I love you…and if I could go back and change things, I would in a heartbeat. I never wanted you to go through what you did, and I…I…just…”

Smiling through my tears, I reach up and grasp both her wrists lightly. “Mom…I know you do…and I don’t blame you for anything. I know there’s more to the story than you can talk about, but I want you to know…this wasn’t your fault. Regardless of what happened with you and Max, and the correlation with dad, I’m not angry with you…and there’s nothing that would ever make me stop loving you. Maybe….” I wipe her tears with my thumb, 

“It would be a good idea to put a few demons of your own to bed as well.”

I stroke the back of her palms with my thumbs, then continue. “Mom…. we both need to move forward, and in order for that to happen, you have to forgive yourself. The only person that’s angry with you, is you. The past is the past, and neither one of us can go back. But we don’t have to let it define the rest of our lives. Listen to me…” My voice becomes thick with emotion, and my tears start to well again.

“I want you to be happy, and you deserve to be. I want to know that as I move onto the next phase of my life, that you won’t hold yourself back any longer. It’s not what Daddy would’ve wanted for either of us…”

Tamra touches her forehead to mine. “When did my daughter become so grown up,” she whispers, and I grin. “Well, I’m stubborn like my mother, so it may have taken a while, but never late than never,” I laugh. Tamra shakes her head, pulling back slightly. “You know what? Today is my baby’s birthday, and there shouldn’t be any tears. We should be celebrating.” Rolling my eyes slightly, I shrug my shoulders as the mood in the room lightens. “Eh…another year older, not really a big deal.” I sit back down, and Tamra sits across from me, her face suddenly suspicious. I purse my lips. 

“What?”

 “Well, you’ve never really been into your birthday, but you’ve never completely forgotten it either…you must’ve had a pretty big ‘distraction’ last night…” she trails off and raises her eyebrow expectedly. Blushing furiously, I pick up my coffee and shake my head.  “I am not having this conversation with you, mom…” I giggle.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not going to discuss my sex life with my mother…it’s weird you even want to know…”

Tamra scoffs. “Ah…Jade? You do remember I’m your mother, and you’re pretty much a carbon copy of me? You’re also Dauntless-born. Do you really think I’m under any pretenses whatsoever about your sex life? When you were 15, did you really think I believed you and Tanner were just ‘hanging out at the train yard’…..when your hair was full of gravel when you came back?” She laughs as my face gets red. 

“Anybody I know?” she asks.

Swallowing nervously, I turn back to her and bite my lip. I don’t know how she’ll react to me being with Eric last night. “Well…actually…it was Eric.” Bracing myself, I’m relieved when she shows no reaction at all. “Well…” she says slowly, “that’s good you got things straightened out.” Her tone is neutral, and I breathe a sigh of relief. “Yeah…we...yeah…” I trail off, as I don’t need to finish. Quickly changing the subject, she takes a bite of cake. 

“Oh, I remember what I was going to ask you,” she says as she swallows. “What’s this thing with Jeanine all about?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re having some sort of meeting with Jeanine at Erudite soon, right?”

“Yeah…why?”

“I got an e-mail from some guy named Rex at Erudite…ambassador I assume?” I nod, and she continues. “He said that you’re meeting with Jeanine next week, and she’d like for me to come for some reason. He didn’t say much more than that, and I had to decline anyway….I’m right in the middle of the proficiency screenings. But why on earth would Jeanine want to see me? I’m not even on the council…”

My forehead creases in confusion. “I have no idea….to tell you the truth, I don’t even know why she wants to see me either…it’s weird. She has some sort of unexplainable interest in me all of a sudden. She gives me the fucking creeps.” Tamra shrugs.

“I was in school with Jeanine, and she’s always been weird. We weren’t exactly chummy, either. She was always too smart for her own good….no real friends to speak of. I have no idea what she’d want with me…I was hoping you could tell me.” I shake my head. “Sorry mom, I have no clue.” 

The sinking feeling in my stomach tells me I don’t really want to know either.

* * *

As the train rolls through the city, a small smile comes over my face. Even though I’ve never really been into my birthday, it’s nice to have good friends that care and want to make it special. I don’t want to get too crazy tonight, but it’ll be good to let loose and decompress after the last few days.

I haven’t heard from Eric since he left this morning. I didn’t get a chance to mention that I was going out with the girls tonight, and he might wonder where I am. A part of me finds myself anxious to get this over with and get home…where I know he’ll probably be waiting. Shaking my head at myself slightly, a small sigh escapes me. My friends have gone through a lot trouble for me tonight, and I will not be an ungrateful bitch. Besides….if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that if Eric wants to find me, he will. Resolving to have fun tonight, I force myself to stop daydreaming and tune into the conversation around me.

 “…by the way…where’s Ashley? Is she coming tonight?” Leah asks. Rachel nods.

“She said she was…I text her earlier, but she said she’d have to come a little later. She and Rob had something going on." 

Samantha nods thoughtfully, turning to me. “Has she said what’s wrong with her? I haven’t asked her because I don’t’ know if she wants to talk about it. She’s been really sick for a while now.” Exhaling slowly, I shake my head. “No…she hasn’t said anything, and I, like the horrible friend and boss I am, haven’t really been paying attention. I figure if she wants us to know, she’ll tell us.” Rachel suddenly turns to me with a suspicious smirk.

“By the way….where’ve you been all day?”

“What do you mean?”

“We came by earlier, and you weren’t home. Your mom was a little worried….she text me and asked if I’d heard from you.”

My face flushes bright red. I might as well tell them. “Yeah, I didn’t get home until later, and then I took a long nap.” I try not to smile as they all glance at each other. “Not that it’s any of my business…” Samantha smirks, “…where were you?” 

The slow flush creeping over me is my giveaway. “Where do you think?” I ask softly, biting back my grin. I tell them about everything that happened last night, from leaving the bar to Eric confronting me on the way home.  Rachel pretends to roll her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Jade….I can’t keep up with you!” she laughs. Samantha shakes her head with a grin.

“It’s about fucking time,” she declares wryly, as we all burst into laughter.  

“Yeah, I know but…oh my God...” I can’t finish what I was saying, as an acrid, putrid odor suddenly saturates the air. All of our faces twist, as we cover our noses. “What the fuck is that smell,” Samantha spits out, covering her mouth. Rachel sticks her head out of the train car, gasping in surprise. “Holy shit….” I stick my head out as well, taken aback by what I see. The Dauntless fire squad members are training their hoses on several piles of burning wood, their fire suits covered in black soot. Whatever structure used to be in its place is completely gone. As the train rolls by, the smell still lingers in the air.

“What the hell happened…”

“That must’ve been what the call was about earlier,” Samantha says.

Gesturing behind her, she continues.  “A call came in to dispatch, about an old building catching fire. It was pretty serious….three squads had to go out to get it under control.”

“Was anyone hurt? Do they know how it started?”

“No official report yet, but they were saying that it was probably started by some factionless fucking around and not paying attention.”

Leah wrinkles her nose. “Yeah…but what could they have possibly been doing to cause that much damage? And what could’ve burned to make that kind of smell?” Samantha grimaces. “Well….multiple fatalities were also reported. It seems about 40 or 50 factionless managed to get themselves killed. It was awful….the reports said there were body parts scattered around, and charred remains. That smell is probably from burned bodies.”

Gagging, I keep my hand over my mouth. “That’s awful…what a horrible accident.” Samantha sighs. “If it was an accident.” We all turn to her.

“What do you mean?”

“The arson investigation analysis hasn’t come back from Erudite yet, but it’s suspicious that this is the only building that caught fire, and managed to do so much damage. It was almost like the building was targeted, from the level of destruction. Some pretty flammable shit had to have been in there for it to blow like it did. Nothing is adding up right now…the building didn’t just catch fire, it fucking exploded…and killed everyone within a near proximity. Even found bodies behind it.”

A shiver goes down my spine. I can’t imagine what kind of inconceivable monster could murder so many in cold blood.

* * *

To my surprise and delight, it seems like Oak Street beach is packed when we got here. I thought we were just going to hang out somewhere in the Dauntless sector, but the girls decided to throw me an impromptu surprise party. There’re several fires going in trashcans, with enough liquor and kegs to keep everyone feeling good.

When we got here, I was presented with my gift: in one of the barrels, the sweet smell of pot is permeating through the air, contributing to the relaxed, happy vibe. “Where’d you guys get this,” I sighed, breathing in deeply and enjoying the instant lift. Rachel smiles. “You’re not the only one that has hookups in other factions. Vanessa gave me a great price on a whole bush, and we all pooled our credits. Happy birthday, bitch!” She laughs. 

“Happy birthday indeed,” I laugh as I wrap my arm around her.  

As the night wears on, I make sure to remember my limit. I can drink most guys under the table, but I want to keep a clear head tonight, regardless of it being my birthday. The girls seem to have a different plan in mind though.

“It’s Jade’s birthday, so we’re getting her fucked up whether she likes it or not,” Samantha laughs as she hands me a shot. “Drink, bitch, or I’ll pour it down your throat,” she teases. Rolling my eyes, I toss it back dramatically, then slam the glass down beside me. “I mean it guys…I need to watch it a little. You’ll have to drag my drunken ass home.” They all scoff at me, and I roll my eyes with a laugh.

“By the way…where’s Sebastian? He didn’t want to come out here?” I ask Rachel. She shrugs. “I don’t know…I haven’t talked to him since this morning. He got pulled to HQ really early for something. I figure if he wants to find me, he will.” She takes another sip of her beer, her face suddenly thoughtful.

“So…are you two officially a thing? You’ve been seeing him for a while now….” I ask. Rachel all but laughs.

“I haven’t been seeing him…I’ve been fucking him. Big difference. This is Sebastian Black we’re talking about.”

“What do you mean?”

  
“Sebastian doesn’t have relationships. He has fuck buddies…and I just happen to be his main one right now. We’re just having fun.”

I’m not at all fooled by her tone, and arch my brow at her. She brushes a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. “Well….do you want it to be more?” I ask. She rolls her eyes with a sigh. “Even if I did, I’m not stupid enough to ever believe he’d want more from me. We hang out and the sex is awesome, but c’mon….Sebastian is not really the type of guy that ever settles for one woman. He’s been through more pussy than an Erudite gynecologist. Not exactly long-term material where relationships are concerned,” she laughs. Narrowing her eyes slightly, she nudges my arm.

“Sebastian has been with every girl in Dauntless at least once…including you.”

I immediately throw my arms in the air in protest. “Oh my God…once…one time…when we were practically kids and didn’t really know what we were doing yet. I don’t even remember it that well, to be honest…” Lie. I do remember….I remember how horribly awkward it was, and not really something I like to relive. We were at a party on the roof of an abandoned building, completely hammered. As is tradition with Dauntless teenagers, we were playing a stupid game and landed on each other. We went into another room, did our thing, and came back out. It wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had, either.

Although I’m glad to hear it’s improved since then…with a lot of practice it seems.

Rachel glances over my shoulder. “Oh, Ashley’s here….” We wave, and Ashley spots us and makes her way over. “Hey guys,” she greets cheerily, with a huge smile. “Happy birthday,” she says as she gives me a quick hug. Surprised, I pat her back lightly. I’m not a hugger, and she normally isn’t either. There’s an air of excitement about her, and she’s positively glowing. 

“We weren’t sure you were still coming,” Rachel notes as takes a drag from her joint. A radiant grin breaks out over Ashley’s face as she sits down. “Yeah, I’m sorry I’m late….I was a little busy being proposed to,” she beams.

We’re all stunned for a moment, not quite processing what she just said. Ashley giggles and holds out her left hand, where a beautiful, sparkling gem now sits. With a collective squeal, we all hug her and grab her hand.

“Oh my God, Ashley…that’s great!”

“Congratulations!”

“Well shit, this calls for a toast!” Samantha says she starts getting drinks ready. Ashley turns to me with a smile. “Here, you do mine for me….I’m still a little off.” She hands me her glass. Unable to hide my surprise, I slowly take it from her. In all the time I’ve known her, she’s never been one to turn down a shot.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah….no big deal, I’m just still feeling a little off.”

“A little off,” I repeat. We all glance at each other, an air of concern settling over us. 

“You’re still sick? Ashley, is this more serious than you’re letting on? Erudite can’t figure out what’s wrong?” Ashley blushes slightly, unable to keep the smile off her face. “No…Erudite can figure it out…I actually figured it out before they did, and really it’s not that bad…some would even say it’s good …. She’s unable to stifle her giggle, and I’m truly confused. Suddenly the obvious jumps out me.  “Wait a minute….” My eyes snap to hers as it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Ashley has been sick off and on, and food is her trigger. She declined to go on the zip line with us that night, and didn’t drink either…and she’s not drinking now. In fact, I haven’t seen her drink in a while….or jump on a train….and she doesn’t need birth control either. An elated grin breaks over my face at the same time one breaks over hers, as she sees I finally get it. “Ashley, are you…?”

Suddenly, she glances over my shoulder and holds her hands up in a ‘wait’ gesture…but Leah, Rachel and Samantha all realize what I do. “Oh my God Ashley…you’re pregnant!” Leah squeals…just as Rob, Eric and the rest of the guys suddenly appear.

From the look on Rob’s face, she obviously hadn’t had the chance to tell him yet.

Rob stops dead in his tracks. His eyes become huge, as a euphoric grin starts to spread over his face. Ashley gives a sheepish shrug, as strides toward her. "Are you?" He breathes as he wraps his arms around her waist. Laughing, she wraps her arms around his neck and touches her forehead to his.

 “I was going to tell you tonight, you just beat me to it .....but yes, I am. You're going to be a Daddy......" She whispers through happy tears and a smile. “Holy fuck….holy fuck, babe…..” he whispers as he picks her up. “We’re having a fucking baby!” he cries, then kisses her soundly. Everyone standing around us roars, as congratulations are voiced. Once Rob puts her down, Leah gives her a quick hug. 

“I’m so sorry, I spoke without thinking...congratulations…I’m sorry if I ruined the surprise,” she apologizes, and Ashley waves her hand. “It’s okay, really. I was going to wait until later to tell you guys, because this is Jade’s night. But there is one other surprise I have, and since the cat is out of the bag already….” We all look at her curiously, not knowing what she’s meaning. Ashley takes a deep breath and pulls a folded piece of paper out of her pocket, handing it to Rob. He looks up at her quizzically, opening it and studying the grainy black and white image. “This is the baby? Can you tell what it is yet?” Tears well in her eyes again.

“Yes…I know what the sex of _both_ are. Strong, healthy… _twin boys_.”

Everyone is rendered speechless. Rob looks like he might pass out for a second, as our jaws all drop open. Ashley laughs, her tears streaming down her face. “’Twins,” Rob whispers in disbelief, as we all congratulate them again.

"All right then, no more shots for Ashley and double for Rob, no pun intended, and this calls for a toast!" Samantha exclaims. I feel Eric's arms slip around my waist, and I turn and kiss his jaw. I can't help myself. It's a happy moment, and I’m glad to be part of it. The others bite back smiles as they pretend not to look at us. While it’s no secret that Eric and I are involved, people are still getting used to seeing us together….and be open about it. I swallow the lump in my throat. It’s because they’re used to seeing me with Ayden.

 _No_ , I tell myself firmly. _Don’t do that…don’t ruin it._

Rob and Ashley go off to have a moment alone, as everyone drinks to them in celebration. Eric pulls me to sit down with him. “I’m surprised to see you here,” I murmur, giving him a fleeting kiss. “Took a little longer than I thought…doesn’t mean I was going to miss seeing you on your birthday,” he responds, as surprise ripples through me.

“What?” he asks.

“You know today is my birthday?”

“Of course I do…”

He pulls me in closer. “Why are you so surprised?” I giggle slightly and press my forehead to his. “Because it’s just another year older…really not that big a deal. Besides, I barely remembered it myself.” As I plant a kiss on his neck, I notice his jacket has a slightly smoky scent. “Oh…is the fire what kept you?” I remember suddenly. His face transforms to an unreadable expression, and he shakes his head slightly.

“I can’t talk about that, Jade. You know that.”

“Well, you saw what happened, though right?”

“What do you mean?”

I shudder slightly. “When we rode out here, there was a building annihilated to shit…must’ve exploded or something. Samantha said there were a bunch of factionless killed. Do they know what caused it?”

Eric clenches his jaw slightly. “Samantha shouldn’t be talking about what comes over dispatch…an official report hasn’t been released yet. Again Jade, I can’t tell you things that go on with the council…and I don’t want to talk about work anyway.” The force in his tone makes me jump slightly. 

Ignoring the nagging feeling that something isn’t sitting right, I decide to let it go. Eric probably had a long day, and he’s right…he’s not supposed to talk about council matters. Sensing my shift in mood, Eric pulls me closer. “Relax…I just don’t want to talk about work right now. Long fucking day.” Nodding, I settle further into his arms and lean against him.

Silently scolding myself, I take another sip of my beer. It’s my birthday damn it, and I’m not going to let anything ruin it.

* * *

We decide to leave a little early, everyone wishing me a happy birthday as we go. Though I’m grateful to my friends for a good birthday, I was anxious to get home and finish what Eric started this morning. He made no secret that he thought the same.

We pull ourselves into the train as it passes, swinging in easily. As soon as we land, Eric pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck as his mouth takes mine greedily. A ball of heat unfurls in my abdomen, making my legs quiver. Eric leans down and wraps them around his waist, slowly walking us backwards until I’m up against the wall. As his lips travel along the base of my neck, over my collarbone and down to my breast, I giggle slightly and pull back.

“We can’t do this here, Eric…”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because I really don’t feel like giving the guys watching the security feed a show.”

Eric scoffs. “I don’t give a fuck if they come in here and watch in person. I’ve been waiting all fucking day, and I’m not waiting any longer,” he whispers, as his hands roam the landscape of my body. An idea suddenly comes to mind. It’s something I love to do, and haven’t done in quite a while….and something Eric has probably never done.

“How about a compromise, then?” I murmur as I peck kisses along his jaw.

“What kind of compromise?”

“Well….I bet you’ve never ridden the train the way a true Dauntless does…and where there are no cameras.”

Eric pulls back and looks at me curiously. Grinning wickedly, I slide back down to the floor and walk to the train’s entrance. “What are you doing?” he asks, trailing behind me. Sticking my hand out, I find the side ladder. “Follow me,” I say, and Eric’s eyes widen slightly.

“On the roof?” he asks, and I bob my head.  

The train slows down at night, as it’s harder to see. I feel Eric behind me as I stick my leg out and find the first rung. I pull myself onto the ladder with ease, and begin to climb. The wind whips my blond hair behind me as I reach the top, settling into the smooth surface. It’s thankfully got raised barriers on either side, making rolling off preventable. 

Eric joins me a minute later, pulling himself to the top and laying down beside me. My heart begins to beat faster as we stay locked in each other’s gaze, as the starry night sky, and city lights rushing past us. Moonlight washes over us, as we set out on a gentle roll. Propping myself up on my elbow, I begin to nip at his jaw. “You’ve really never done this before?” I whisper as he grips my ass with one hand, his other traveling up my leg. “No,” he whispers. Hooking my leg over him, I pull myself onto him completely.

“Well…then allow me to give you a Dauntless ‘first’.”

I bring my mouth to his. His large palms feel like two warm globes of light, as they drift over my back, moving along my waist and finally to my ass, that he cups eagerly.  Going back the way he came, he caresses his way up the length of my spine. My mouth rounds in pleasure, as he pulls my shirt aside, taking my nipple into his mouth. Tasting his chest tentatively, I relish the scent and flavor of his skin on my warm tongue; like salt, tobacco and sweet whiskey. He couldn’t be more of a man if he tried. 

Nipping, licking and kissing my way to his lips, I run my tongue along his lower lip. He takes command from there, winding his hand into my hair and forcing a kiss that lights a fire in my stomach. Sitting up slightly, he grips both of my hips, yanking me up to have full access to my breasts.

All rational thought completely escapes me, as pure passion, hot and bold takes over every aspect of my mind. Placing my hands on his muscular shoulders, I steady myself as he suckles on my pebbled nipple, hard. There’s nothing gentle about his taste, and the harshness of his mouth sends lust shooting through every nerve of my being. He sits up completely, gripping my thighs and wrapping them around his waist.

“Do you want me, Jade?” he queries with a whispered roughness, pulling my head back to look at him. I nod at him with hooded eyes, and he clenches his teeth. “Words…answer me,” he rumbles, nipping at my jaw. My breath comes in pants as the wind washes over me.

“Yes…”

“Tell me you want me…”

“I want you…”

His eyes search my face long and hard for a moment, and my pulse quickens. “Tell me you’re mine,” he finally whispers. Blood begins to roar in my ears, as I realize this is a moment of surrender. This is it…my final submission.

This is the one thing I’ve fought so hard against, and if I give in to him, there’ll be no going back. For someone that’s supposed to be Dauntless, I am scared shitless right now. But for once, I’m not going to run away from the thing I fear the most. Taking a deep breath, I gather my courage. Bringing my hands to both sides of his face, I stroke his cheekbones with my thumbs gently. 

“I’m yours,” I utter in a breathy whisper, feeling like I’m about to pass out 

A look I’ve never seen before, begins to dawn in Eric’s eye. His chest rises and falls, as we remain in the moment. That magnetic pull between us takes over, and he rolls me on my back in one swift move. The train jostles slightly as it goes over an uneven track, and I instinctively stretch my arms out to grip the side. Eric takes both my wrists in one hand, moving them above my head.  Reaching down, he undoes the button of my jeans and slowly peels them down. 

He claims my mouth again, as I run my nails up and down his back. Settling between my legs, he reaches down and undoes his pants. I close my eyes in anticipation, feeling his lips on my jaw. “Jade,” he whispers in my ear. I open my eyes, finding his determined gaze on me. “Tell me again,” he rasps, nipping at my swollen lips.  

Brushing my fingers over his jaw, I never look away. “Eric…I’m yours…ohhh”, My eyes close as he slides into me on the last word. “Yes, you are…and you always will be,” he whispers as he begins to move.

Before I can even form a coherent thought, I decide to not think so much for once, and just let go. As we lay entwined together in the moonlight, nothing else matters right now…

I’m going to enjoy being lost in pure pleasure, and let it carry me as far as it’ll go.  


	25. Leah and Brady - Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just giving a little back burner story some light :) Leah and Brady have a little spark between them, that's about to ignite. This also sets the stage for a more intense scene between them later. This takes place after Jade leaves with Eric from her party, so they aren't in this chapter. 
> 
> only warning is profanity. Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

* * *

Leah shakes her head with a smile, watching as Eric and Jade make their way off, hand in hand. Those two can deny it all they want, but anyone with eyes can see they’re perfect for each other…even if both are too blind to see it yet.

"They’re leaving?" Rachel whispers, watching them go. Leah shrugs. "Course they are,” she replies after a minute. She winks with a coy smile. "I don’t know if they’re still fighting, but it'll end in some epic grudge fucking. The man can't keep his hands off her." They both laugh, and Rachel tips her flask in mock toast.

"May we all be so lucky," she says wistfully.

Leah grins, sneaking a glance at Brady. The guys had all come with Eric, but Brady had been on his phone for a while. His eyes hadn’t so much as flicked in her general direction since he got here.  Leah swallows the lump in her throat, taking another sip of her drink. Fuck it, she thinks to herself. She meant what she told Jade earlier. She’s not going to waste her time and embarrass herself by chasing someone that’s not interested.

But damn, has she thought about him, though.

She sneaks another look at him. Well over six feet tall, with sculpted, rippling muscles.. His tattooed arms bulge out of his black shirt, and his buzz cut hair make his jaw look strong. His sea-green eyes are smoldering, but have gentleness about them. His posture and the way he carries himself in general give him a silent, swaggering sexiness.

Leah shakes her head, silently scolding herself as she forces her eyes away. It doesn’t matter. He’s not interested.

She feels a pleasant strumming throughout her entire body, and she allows herself to enjoy it for a moment. They’ve been drinking and smoking since they got out here, and that was a while ago. Leah knows she’s way past her limit…everything looks funny, like cartoon characters.

"Rachel," she slurs and drape an arm around her shoulder, "I gotta slow down. If I don’t pace myself, I’ll end up sleeping on the train." Rachel peers at her through blurry eyes, blinking rapidly. "What?" She slurs right back. She didn't understand a word Leah said.

“I’m going to switch to something a little less strong,” she mumbles. Leah leans over and picks up a bottle, then wrinkles her nose as she tips it upside down, finding it empty. "Well, shit," she chuckles, "I guess that’s a sign. I’m going to head back, while I can still walk.”

She looks up to see Rachel’s jaw suddenly clenched, with an icy cold expression on her face. Confused, she follows the path of Rachel’s eyes, and raises her brow. Sebastian is standing off to the side, talking to a petite brunette named Tiffany. Though he looks slightly annoyed, he makes no move to remove her hand from his chest while she whispers something in his ear. 

Rachel nods as she stands. “I’ll come with you.” Leah glances between them, slightly confused. Though Rachel hasn’t put a label on it, she knows they’ve been spending a lot of time together. She thought they were a couple, but from the looks of things, she might’ve been wrong…

Rachel suddenly pulls a flask from the inside of her jacket. “Oh thank God…almost forgot I had this,” she looks at Leah with a hint of bitter sadness. “You ever had this?” she asks as she tips the bottle toward her. Leah shakes her head.

“What is it?”

“Dauntless-made liquor…used to call it moonshine in older times.”

“What does it do?”

“It fucks you up, in the best way.”

Leah blinks at her, trying to gauge her mood. Rachel is obviously upset right now, and needs a distraction. Leah glances over at Brady, now standing with a bunch of guys and not even looking in her direction. Fuck it…she could use one too. Grabbing the bottle from her, Leah takes a long gulp. “Whoa, whoa, whoa…Rachel slurs, taking it back from her. As the liquid burns down her throat, Leah feels her whole body tingle. Oh shit…this stuff is potent.

Rachel finishes the off the rest, looking at Leah and giggling. “What?” Leah asks, feeling like her muscles are turning to water. “We…we…better…get our asses on the fucking train is what,” she slurs.

Stumbling along the street, they wait for the next train to come through. “Oh shit…” Leah mumbles, closing her eyes and propping herself up on a light pole. “You gotta go easy with that stuff,” Rachel giggles. Leah rolls her eyes. “Sure…now you fucking tell me.”

The train slows down at night and actually stops, as some of the city lights are out and it’s harder to see. As it pulls up, Leah is in awe of herself as they manage to pull themselves into it.

"Rachel," Leah slurs as they stumble on, "I don't know if we're going to make it home." Rachel squints at her through blurry eyes. "We’ll get …there," she slurs back. “Just may not be tonight.” Leah giggles as they slump down to the floor.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she tries to fight off the wave of dizziness attacking her. Rachel rests her head against the wall, squeezing her eyes shut. “Fuck me….I’m gonna feel this in the morning.” Leah gives her a lopsided grin, as they face the opening in the car. Letting the wind wash over them, both try to sober up a little as the train rolls back toward Dauntless. Leah furrows her brow suddenly, looking up at Rachel. “Did you and Sa-bast have a fight or… something?” she asks. She can’t quite say his name in this state. Rachel shakes her head, confused.

“No…why?”

“Because you left without him…”

“So? Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, aren’t you guys a thing…”

Rachel inhales sharply, forcing a nonchalant smile. “Yeah, we’re a thing…fuck things. That’s… all…” she trails off, as she looks at the floor. A thoughtful, almost sad expression comes over her. She blinks several times, shaking her head slightly.

“Even if I wanted…more, it never would be.”

“Why?”

Rachel sighs loudly, pursing her lips. “Like I told J-jade…guys like him don’t want …one woman. I’m just a fuck buddy…. probably just one of many on his …rotation.” She waves her hand in the air, a slight scowl twisting her mouth. Rubbing her forehead for a minute, she shrugs.

“Besides…he looked a little busy with Tiffany…so I didn’t want to intrude.” Her eyes narrow as her jaw clenches. “I really don’t want that skank’s sloppy seconds. I’d rather just fuck myself,” she spits bitterly. Leah can’t keep the surprise off her face, as that was not what she was expecting.

“Fuck…rach…I’m sorry…I thought you guys were together…”

“The only thing ‘together’ with us is what’s between our legs when we feel like it. That’s all he’d ever want with me, and tonight proves that.”

Even in her drunken state, Leah doesn’t miss the slight shake and tone of hurt in her voice. There’s a silence for minute, then Rachel forces a small laugh that doesn’t fool Leah at all.

“At least I’m smart enough to go in with my eyes open,” she giggles. Leah blinks at her for a moment, trying to focus. A somber air has settled over them, and she decides to lighten the mood. Socking her slightly in the arm, she pretends to frown. “Ow,” Rachel protests, rubbing her shoulder. “What was that for?” Leah giggles.

“ ‘Cause you totally just killed my buzz…it wasn’t s’posed to be that serious. I’s just askin…”

Both erupt into drunken giggles. Leah exhales loudly, running a hand through her hair. “Least you’re getting laid,” she grumbles. “I didn’t choose Ab-gation, but fuck if I’m not living like a fucking Stiff.” Rachel peers at her curiously. “Huh? What about…whats-his-name,” she slurs, trying to remember. Leah shakes her head.

“Changed his mind…”

“Why…

“don’t know…”

Just then, the train stops at the entrance into Dauntless. “Shit, I can’t jump off this thing, I can barely fucking stand,” Leah huffs, trying to pull herself off the floor. “Goddamn it…” Rachel sways as tries to grip the side of the door.

“Well, we’re gonna have to do the only thing we can.”

“Huh?”

“We’re going to have to roll off.” 

“Shit.”  

After three attempts, both manage to successfully get themselves off the train without major injury. Locking their arms together, they stumble through the scanner. Making their way through Dauntless, Leah tries to desperately to push the feelings of loneliness and rejection away from her. It shouldn’t bother her, but in her inebriated state, can’t help but feel a little sad. She knows she’ll find someone eventually, but she’s tired of being around her friends and feeling like a third wheel. She just doesn’t understand it. First Brady, and now Scott….

Rachel glances at her, picking up on the sudden shift in mood. Slinging her arm around Leah’s shoulders, they make their way to the elevator. “Fuck…that fucker,” she slurs. “His fucking loss…” Leah lets a small smile come over her face. Before she can wallow in self-pity any longer, the elevator finally opens.

As they both slump to the floor, Leah isn’t so sure she’ll be able to get up this time. Her dizziness is starting to grow stronger, and she feels sleep trying to claim her. “I…am…fucked…up,” she mumbles slowly, as Rachel nods her head in agreement. “Why the fuck aren’t we moving,” Rachel snaps irritably, glancing at the floor indicator. Leah erupts in giggles again.

“Maybe because we didn’t push the button,” she laughs. Leah reaches up and hits a floor button…which one she doesn’t know. Squeezing her eyes shut, Rachel lies down on the floor. “I don’t think I can stay awake much longer,” she breathes, as Leah groans. As she’s toying with the idea of actually taking a nap right there in the elevator, her phone buzzes in her hand.

“Oh,” she whispers in surprise, squinting at the code identifier.

It's Brady. 

Sitting up, she rests her back against the wall while trying to steady herself. After two tries, she finally manages to hit ‘answer’. "Hellooo," she sing-songs, trying to stifle her giggles. 

"Leah, where are you? Why did you leave?"

His tone has a hint of anger, and not at all gentle. Slightly taken aback, she frowns slightly. 

 "I left…because I wanted to leave…the fuck’s that to you?”

Hearing him breathe into the phone deeply, Leah waits for his answer. “You shouldn’t have left by yourself, Leah. You’re completely fucked up, and there’s factionless running around. I don’t like that you might be in danger…that’s what it is to me,” he states in a carefully measured tone.

Not quite knowing what to say, Leah struggles to form a coherent sentence. She smiles slightly at the thought of him thinking about her, though. Exhaling slowly, she looks over at Rachel, who’s eyes are beginning to droop. Fighting through the liquor addling her mind, she takes a deep breath.

“I’m fine, Brady…we made it back to Daun-tess,…

“You’re already home?”

"Not yet, but I'll get there ‘ventually. Rachel and I are trying to figure out where we live," she giggles, and Rachel laughs with her.

"Jesus Christ, Leah, where are you? Answer me, now." 

"I'm on the ‘vator.....somewhere in the compound."

“What floor? Rachel is with you?"

Leah looks over at Rachel, then bursts into a fit of giggles. She’s now fast asleep on the floor. "Yes, but she's out fucking cold," she mumbles trying to shake her awake. "It's fucking ‘larious.” Brady swears under his breath. "Look, just get off on the next floor, and wait until we get there." 

"We? Who's we?" Leah asks, but he already hung up.

As soon as the door pings open, she tries to pick herself up and immediately forfeits that battle. Getting on her hands and knees, she crawls over the elevator threshold. “Fuck”, she swears, looking back at Rachel. She can’t just leave her there. Wedging herself so the door can’t close, she somehow manages to drag Rachel out of the car by her ankles.

Thankfully, the hall is empty because it's so late. Closing her eyes, she sinks down against the wall. “Wake up,” she tries to command herself, feeling sleep begin to overtake her tired mind and body. She knows she needs to open her eyes, but they won’t budge. “Oh…” she sighs, feeling herself slumping over next to Rachel.

She doesn’t know how much time has passed, when she feels the sensation of being lifted.

As she drifts between consciousness and fog, she thinks she must be hallucinating. You did have a lot of weed, a voice calls in the back of her mind. Fighting through the haze, she manages to open her eyes slowly. Blinking, she makes out a strong jawline. She feels a thick arm under her thighs, and sees tattoos rippling on tanned, muscled arms. Tilting her head back, her blurry eyes start to come into focus. Sea-green eyes gaze back at her, filled with concern and desire. A smile slowly pulls at the corners of her mouth. 

"Hey," Brady whispers, gathering her into his arms.

"Hey," Leah whispers back, resting her head against his shoulder. A pleasurable sigh escapes, as she lets him take complete possession of her. He brushes her hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering near her jaw and throat.

“Let’s get you home,” he whispers in a husky tone. She just nods, her eyes never leaving his.

As Brady carries her back into the elevator, she remembers Rachel. “Wait,” she whispers, picking her head up. “It’s all right, Leah…he’s got her,” Brady assures, shifting so can see Sebastian has Rachel in the same hold. She’s still dead to the world. With a small sigh, she settles back into his arms, her head nestled in the crook of his shoulder. Her fingers graze the base of his throat as she places her hand on his chest. She feels his breath catch, as the elevator carries them upwards.

Stopping on his floor, Sebastian steps off and exchanges a look with Brady. He nods, and Sebastian carries Rachel down the hall to his apartment, then the doors close. Realizing they’re now completely alone, Leah feels a strange thrill run through her. As the air seems to charge between them, Leah feels Brady’s heartbeat matching hers. Snuggling into his chest further, she feels a fire start to simmer in her belly.

Unless she’s imagining it, she feels a soft kiss on her forehead, then his chin come to rest on top of her head.

When they stop on her floor, Brady whisks her off the elevator and makes his way to her apartment. When he stops at her door, he leans into her ear. “Where are your keys?” he whispers. Groaning, she gives him a wry smile as she gazes at him through hazy eyes.

"In my pocket…you'll have to put me down. "

“Can you stand on your own?”

“I think so…”

Brady lowers her to her feet, but keeps his arm wrapped around her waist. As Leah fumbles with her pockets, Brady slowly brings his hand down over her stomach, sending a shiver through her whole body. “Are they in this one?” He reaches into her pocket and takes them out, his fingers lingering on her bare flesh. He unlocks and opens her door, then gathers her back into his arms. As he carries her to her bedroom, she feels a slight wave of apprehension come over her. She looks up at him hesitantly, trying to decide what to say. Sensing her uncertainty, he immediately puts her at ease.

"Leah…I'm just going to put you to bed, that's all." 

She smiles at him gratefully. While relieved, she’s oddly enough strangely disappointed that's all he's going to do. Brady gently places her on her bed, then takes off her shoes. “Is there something you want to change in to?” he asks. Leah feels her pulse race, licking her lips slightly at the thought of him undressing her. “There’s a tank top in there….” She nods toward her dresser. Brady pulls it out, glancing at the flimsy material and her. He can’t keep the salacious thoughts from attacking him as he imagines her in this. His eyes lock with hers again as he stands at the side of the bed.

“I’ll give you hand,” he whispers, knowing this will be a true test of his self-restraint.

Leah breathes faster as he unbuttons her jeans, slowly sliding them the length of her legs. Brady feels the almost painful bulge in his jeans threaten to bust through completely, at the sight of her laying there in her lacy black underwear. This was a bad idea…for right now. He can’t take his eyes off her legs, and can’t stop thinking about what’s underneath the rest. “Can you sit up?” his voice is a noticeably lower, and what he’s thinking is impossible to hide. He picks up her tank top, and she takes it from him gingerly.

As she props herself up on her elbows, dizziness attacks her again. Brady moves to her side, as she falls back into her pillow.

“Are you okay?”

The mattress dips from his weight as he settles beside her. “Yes…I’m fine,” she slurs slightly. Exhaustion is starting to claim her, and she doesn’t want it to win right now. Brady smiles, reaching out and stroking her hair lightly.

“So, you had fun tonight…”

“Yeah…maybe a little too much...”

“Is that the reason you left without telling anyone?”

“I didn’t leave without telling anyone…”

“You didn’t tell me…”

Leah’s smile falters, surprised at the slight edge in his tone. His eyes are clouded with intensity, and she feels her abdomen clench. Suddenly feeling bold, she softly places her hand in his. “I wasn’t thinking about it,” she whispers. Brady leans in slightly. Stroking the back of her hand lightly, his eyes flicker over face.

“I was thinking about it…”

He looks away for a moment, then back at her. “You shouldn’t have just left, Leah…I was a little worried.”  Leah giggles, shaking her head.

“Why would you be worried? It’s no big deal…”

“It’s a big deal, Leah. There’s a lot of shit going on right now I can’t talk about…you shouldn’t have left by yourself.”

“I’m a big girl, you know….I was in the top ten of my initiation class.”

“Which means nothing when you can’t even stand on your own.”

Leah’s mouth opens and closes, not knowing what to say. Brady leans closer, his eyes flicking to her lips. “Seriously…why’d you leave without saying anything?” Leah sighs, trying to get ahold of herself. The last thing she wants to do is embarrass herself further with the truth, going against her Candor upbringing entirely.  That she feels like a third wheel, she’s envious of her friend’s relationships, and tired of watching everyone else be happy with someone…and can’t understand what’s so wrong with her, that she hasn’t been with anyone in Dauntless since she got here months ago.

Forcing a casual smile, she shrugs and tilts her head back. “Look, I just went over my limit, and needed to get home. If I didn’t get myself on the train, I probably would be waking up on Oak Street somewhere,” she sighs. She looks away for a moment, still feeling his gaze on her. “Besides, my friends were …occupied…and I could tell they wanted to be alone with each other. Not really something I care to watch anyway,” she giggles, looking away. Brady doesn’t laugh with her. Shifting so that he’s over her slightly, the other hand that isn’t holding hers comes up to rest on her hair.

“That’s funny…I wanted to make sure you got home…for the same reason." 

Leah blinks, feeling her heart going a million miles a minute. Bringing her eyes back to his, neither speak for a minute. “Well…had I known that, I would’ve…told you…I was…leaving,” she murmurs sleepily. Fuck, she thinks to herself. She can’t stay awake much longer, and this was just starting to get good. As she begins to nod off, Brady quietly moves off the bed and pulls the covers over her. 

Stretching out, Leah desperately tries to stay awake a little longer. “Brady?” she murmurs sleepily. He immediately comes back to her side, sinking beside her. Brushing her hair from her forehead, he leans in close. “Yeah?” She laces her fingers with his. “Thank you…for getting me home. You’re a good friend,” she whispers, managing to open her eyes fully. 

A few breathless moments pass between them. As passion begins to rise, her heart races. Brady’s eyes search her face, as he leans in close.

"Leah," he whispers, "I'll always be here when you need me...”  He strokes the side of her face, his chest heaving slightly. With liquid courage still flowing through her, she decides to just go for it.

Using the hand laced with his, she tugs him closer, bringing his mouth down on hers.  

Kissing him deeply and slowly, she feels the rumble in his chest. He breaks away first, touching his forehead to hers. “Leah…” he whispers, stroking her cheek. She reaches up and grasps his wrist lightly, protesting at the sudden loss of his mouth. She speaks before she can stop herself.

"Do you want to stay?" she murmurs.

Brady inhales sharply, brushing the side of her face with his thumb. "Leah… not like this…" He kisses her forehead, pulling back to see her struggling to stay awake. The smile drains from his face, as he sees tears begin to gather in her eyes. “Not like what...not like me?” she murmurs, with a slight tremble in her voice.

She rolls to her side, unable to keep her eyes open. “Leah…no, that’s not what I...fuck,” he mumbles as it dawns on him that she thinks he’s rejecting her. “Hey,” he whispers, pushing her shoulder down gently. But she turns back without resistance… because she’s now fast asleep. “Shit,” Brady grumbles, running a hand through his hair.

Getting up quietly, he settles the covers over her again. Smoothing them around her, he gazes at her for a moment. Watching her chest rise and fall as she breathes deeply, it takes every ounce of self-control he has not to peel the covers back and join her…like he’s been aching to do for a while. He wants nothing more than to climb in bed, wrap his arms around her and shut the world out, but not like this…

Not when she’s too drunk to remember it.

He gazes at her sleeping face, stroking his hand lightly over her chestnut hair. Noticing the tear track from her cheek, he feels a punch in the gut as he gently wipes it away with his thumb. He kisses her forehead lightly again, leaning in closer to her ear. “If you only hadn’t left when you did,” he whispers, annoyed this opportunity to make his move was ruined.

He quietly moves off the bed, picking up his jacket and heading for the door. Giving her one last look, he places his hand on her bedroom door. The last thing he wants to do is leave, especially when she’s got the wrong idea. He’s not great with words, and has always been a little tongue-tied around women. He doesn’t want to make this worse. 

Sighing, he goes into her bathroom and finds a bottle of pain reliever from Erudite. He grabs a bottle of water from her kitchen and sets them both down on her nightstand beside her. She’ll probably need it in the morning. 

He quietly shuts her door as he leaves, making his way to the elevator. As he rides to his own apartment, he thinks back to tonight ruefully. He’s been waiting for his chance to get Leah alone for a while, and seems he was finally going to get it. Every other time he’s tried, he’s been called in to work or for some errand that Eric needed.

He’s been thinking about her ever since he spent the night with her…and even before that.

He doubts Leah remembers him from school...but he remembers her. He remembers how he walked into school one day, to see a beautiful Candor girl being scolded by a teacher for wearing a black skirt deemed too short. He remembers thinking how gorgeous that Candor is, and how he wished the factions didn’t have such rigid rules in place. While sitting with the rest of the Amity-borns at lunch, he would see her with her nose buried in a sketch book, always drawing. Her clothes were always just a little bit different from other Candor girls, and even edged on the side of Dauntless style a time or two. 

After he left Amity and joined Dauntless, she still crossed his mind every now and then. He wondered if he’d ever see her again, but brushed it off. He thought it didn’t matter…she would probably stay in Candor, and that would be that. He would eventually find a girl in Dauntless, but Leah was always in the back of his mind.

On initiation night, he’d stood with Eric and the rest of the council on the upper tier. He and the other guys had scanned the crowd, mulling over the transfers.

"Fresh meat will be in the Pit tonight, boys," Jason had said excitedly, lighting up a cigarette. Brady took a swig of beer, his sweeping over the new Dauntless, looking for anyone he might recognize from Amity.  "Bro, I gotta ask," Sebastian had said.

"Does Samantha not give a shit that you stick your dick in any hole that that’s wet, or does she really not know?" 

They all laughed, with Jason grinning smugly. "Don't be jealous. I simply keep my girl in check. Samantha doesn't ask questions she doesn't want to know the answers to. She's the one I put a ring on, and that's all she needs to be concerned with.” He shrugged, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Besides, we’re not married yet, so it’s not cheating. Until her name is tattooed on my finger, it’s just sport-fucking. God bless Max for having the Reserve,” he laughed.

They all chuckled, waiting for the ceremony to start. “Shit,” Jason had murmured, his eyes suddenly trained on the floor below. “If that one doesn’t get named, I sure hope she’ll take the council up on their offer.” Jason pointed downward. Brady followed his line of vision, his heart leaping into his chest. 

Leah.

She was standing with the other transfer initiates, looking nervous. She was still as beautiful as he remembered, and even more so now. Brady had stepped forward and placed his hands on the railing, not believing his luck. Jason looked back and forth between them, raising his brow.

“You know her?”

“Yeah…She’s from Candor…She was a year behind me in school. I remember her.....shit, she's Dauntless now?"

“Did you tap her before or something?"

"No. God knows I wanted to, but she was in a different faction, and younger than me." 

"What does that matter? I’m Dauntless born, and fucked a ton of Amity girls when I was in school." 

"Who didn't fuck Amity girls? I grew up with Amity girls...they’re all about the dick.”

Brady’s eyes remained on Leah, watching her as she talked with the others and anxiously waiting for the board to light up. “I saw her a lot, but never got a chance to talk to her...” Exhaling slowly, he shakes his head in awe.

"Sweet Jesus Christ," he whispers. "She was always pretty fucking hot, but now......" He trailed off.

When the board had lit up, placing Leah at number six, he felt determination set in. He intended to have her by any means necessary, now that the barrier of different factions had been removed. He didn’t know how or when he’d make his move, but he knew he had to do it before someone else in Dauntless did.

Brady shakes his head as he comes out of his reverie, stepping off the elevator and on to his floor. Letting himself into his apartment, he sinks down on his bed and takes his shoes off. Laying back and putting his hands behind his head, he thinks of how he’s already had to get rid of one potential threat.

When he found out that Scott had asked Leah out, he knew he had to act fast. Brady may have been Amity born, but none of the bullshit  ‘peace and love at all times” mantra he grew up with, followed him to Dauntless. He was not going to let anyone snake Leah from him, regardless if he’d made a move or not yet.

During the yearly proficiency exam all Dauntless members are required to take, Brady had volunteered personally to spar with Scott during his fighting portion. While beating him to a bloody pulp…the only way he’d be able to without being charged… he’d made him a deal while he had him pinned under him on the mat. 

“Look, I’ll make you a deal,” he huffed, as Scott was barely conscious. Leaning in so he could hear him, Brady set his jaw and pinned his arm a little harder.

“Leah Kane…forget about her. Find somewhere else to get your dick wet. She’s off limits. Agree right now, and I’ll let you win the rest of match….and be able to stay in Dauntless.” Scott had just nodded, his eyes bulging slightly. Brady threw the rest of the fight, barely making it believable. “I’ll get him,” he said to the two that went to help Scott off the mat.

With a menacing grin, Brady carried Scott off the mat, again speaking so no one else could hear him. “Let me be clear…double cross me on this, and you’ll regret it. Don’t forget who I work for…and he can give me some great ideas on how to make your life hell. Understood?”

Scott had just nodded, slinking off to the shower.

Brady sighs as he slips under his covers, feeling Leah’s absence beside him. All he can think about is how much he wanted to take her up on her offer, but knew if he did, sleep is the very last thing he would do.

He knows he must do some damage control here. Leah thought he was rejecting her, but that couldn’t be farther from his true intentions. He doesn’t want the first time he’s with her to be when she’s too drunk to remember it. He doesn’t want her to think he sees her as most Dauntless men see women; just warm wet holes to use for their pleasure. Leah is so much more to him than that, and he will not treat her as just another Dauntless skank. Brady feels his resolve strengthen as he closes his eyes. She may not understand yet, but she will.

He will make it very clear to her, the next chance he gets.


	26. Downpour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade finds herself in an unusual situation, and a little out of her element. She takes steps toward fulfilling a promise to Tamra, in order to get her life on track. 
> 
> ***If you are sensitive to Parent Death, I advise reading the ending with caution***
> 
> Warning: Language, light smut, the usual :) Also....very long chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> \- Emmy

**ERIC**

“You understand your purpose then?” 

Max takes another drag of his cigarette, his eyes narrowing as he sizes up the man sitting in front of him. Eric and the rest of the council all pierce him with their glares, trying to gauge whether or not this a good decision. Ethan nods his head. “Yes sir…I won’t let you down.” The smoke billows around Max’s head as he leans forward slightly.

 “We will hold your ‘trial’ in three days’ time…where you’ll be given a sentence of exile. You are to immediately make your way to the factionless sector, and get your bearings. When the time is right, and you secure the necessary information, you’ll be ‘arrested’ and brought back to Dauntless. You will speak of this to no one. From here on out, you are to be the eyes and ears for anything that may be of use. Is that understood?””

“Yes sir…”

“One other thing.”

Max snuffs out his cigarette and his jaw clenches. “This should go without saying, but let me reiterate so there’s no confusion.” Lacing his hands in front of him, he leans forward and levels him with his stare.

 “Let me make myself clear. As it stands right now, you are a piece of shit in the Dauntless hierarchy. You are nothing more than fuck meat that caters to the whims of this council, while scrubbing toilets simultaneously. I’m giving you a very rare opportunity at redemption here, that under any other circumstance would be impossible. Don’t make me regret it.” Max takes another long pause before continuing.

“You succeed, you pull yourself out of the Reserve and secure a respectable place in Dauntless. You fail, you more than likely die. If you foolishly get made, the fallout will be on you. Help from Dauntless _will not come_ , and the factionless will deal with you as they see fit. My guess is that you wouldn’t make it within the hour they figure out they’ve been infiltrated. They will not show a spy mercy, and will kill immediately on command. Is _that_ understood?”

Ethan visibly pales for a moment, swallowing thickly. A look of determination crosses his features, and his jaw clenches as he nods. “Yes sir,” he repeats in low voice. Eric regards him with open disdain, glancing at the rest of the council. He can tell most of their thoughts are in line with his.

Jeremy was right; none of the captured factionless could give any useful information. It didn’t matter how badly they were beaten, kept awake, interrogated...there was nothing they could give. They were put in front of the Dauntless firing squad when all else failed, to the sweet relief of most. Whoever is leading the factionless has gone to great lengths to conceal their identity, not even letting their subordinates aware of who they are. The only way to gather the necessary intel is to have someone on the inside.

Since an inevitable war is brewing, they couldn’t afford to lose anyone of value. Max decided that a test run of the Reserve was in order, with Ethan being the first pick. The Reserves are hardly paid any mind, and very rarely, if ever leave the Dauntless sector. It would make more sense that they were thrown out of Dauntless, rather than someone more public. A compromise had been reached; if a Reserve proved themselves worthy and useful, they have a chance at pulling themselves up.

 Fail, and they’re out of Dauntless for good.

“You’re dismissed. Go home and wait further instruction,” Max commands. Ethan hastily stands, nodding at the rest of the council as he makes his way toward the door. A moment later there’s a buzzing sound, then the heavy metal door lifts. His chest is slightly puffed out, and there’s a slight spring in his step as he exits, the door dropping back down behind him. Eric shakes his head slightly, his lips pursed. He remembers when Ethan failed initiation, and for good reason. He nearly died during his fear landscape, so frightened that his mind wasn’t right afterwards.  

That’s the only explanation of why he’d ever agree to do this.

Leilani, one of the female leaders, turns to Max. “We’re really going to go through the whole charade of a ‘trial’?” She asks curiously. Max nods, stroking his chin.

“We can’t be too cautious. I’m convinced whoever is behind this was Dauntless at some point. That means they know the compound, the landscape, the inner workings of the Armory, everything. I wouldn’t put it past them to know how to get data and access to the security feed. We have to make it look real.” Max strokes his chin for a minute. “Hence…the reason we’re in an air tight, soundproof room right now. Whoever this is, isn’t fucking around and neither are we.” The others nod in agreement.

Kevin, a senior leader shakes his head as he glances around the table. “I give that little bitch two days tops,” he cups his hand to light his cigarette, as the others chuckle. Max shrugs, drumming his fingers on the table. 

“Probably…but it’s worth a shot. We have to find out who this is. Which reminds me…” his eyes sweep over the table. “I want the lists I ordered to be completed by the end of next week, and analyzed. Again, whoever this is, had to have been Dauntless. They knew how to not only make those weapons, but how to use them. That isn’t training they would’ve had at Erudite, and certainly not at Amity.”  Rain pelts the windows, as thunder rumbles ominously. Max’s expression darkens. 

“Some asshole is hiding who they are for a reason…. I want to know why. It has to-“

Max stops in mid-sentence as an alert sounds on his phone. Picking it up, he scrolls through quickly. Inhaling sharply, he hastily rises. “I want those lists,” he commands, looking down at his phone. “Meeting adjourned.” The door lifts again. As they all file out of the conference room, Eric can’t help but smirk in amusement.

Eric has the same alert on his phone, that sounds anytime Jade’s faction code is entered in the system for any reason. There’s only one person that would make Max immediately jump to in the middle of a meeting, and it doesn’t take an Erudite to figure out who she is.

* * *

Eric makes his way out of HQ, glancing at his phone. He scowls when he finds his last text to Jade still unanswered. Amity was on her rotation today, and she’s been gone since early morning. It’s getting late, and she should be on her way home. Glancing outside, his scowl deepens. A torrential downpour has drenched Chicago for the last two days, with no sign of letting up anytime soon. The weather center at Erudite issued an advisory for the whole city, cautioning to remain indoors. In the last hour or so, the storm has only gotten worse.

He doesn’t like Jade being so far from Dauntless and especially not in this weather.

Passing the Pit, he sees Sebastian, Logan, Brady, and Jason on the upper tier. Deciding to join them for a minute, he makes his way up and grabs a beer. They all nod at him. “You guys seen Jade?” He asks as he pulls out a cigarette. They all shake their heads. “Fuck,” he swears under his breath. Apprehension starts to gnaw at him. It’s not like her not to return his text, and she’s out of the compound….in Amity, where the attacks have been more frequent. 

“You haven’t heard from her at all?” Logan asks

“No…I’ve sent her a bunch of texts that she hasn’t answered.”

“Where is she?”

“Amity…she should’ve been home by now, and I can’t fucking reach her.”

He turns to Sebastian. “Has Rachel heard from her?” Sebastian shrugs. “I don’t know…let me find out.” He pulls out his phone. A moment later a bewildered look flicks over his face, as he pulls it from his ear. “She’s not answering,” he mumbles, his voice noticeably different. “Let me text her.” Sighing, he sends a quick text, with his phone beeping a few seconds afterwards. “No, she hasn’t seen her.” Eric’s jaw clenches in irritation. A bad feeling is starting to come over him that he can’t explain. It’s past dinnertime, the weather is awful, he can’t get ahold of Jade, and there’s no sign of her.

They all glance at each other, but don’t say anything. They’ve never seen Eric noticeably worried, and especially not over a woman. “She’ll turn up, man,” Logan offers. “The weather is shit, and the train was probably just late.” Eric scours the Pit below, watching for any sign of unmistakable blonde hair.

“Doesn’t explain why she isn’t answering me.”

Pulling out his phone again, he swears under his breath when he sees Jade still hasn’t responded. What he doesn’t say, is that the only other time Jade didn’t answer his texts, was when they had a horrible fight. He doesn’t like to think of that night, when they said awful things to each other, and he almost lost her for good.

Just as he’s trying to shake the memory off, his phone lights up in his hand. He frowns in surprise, seeing Leah’s name on the code identifier. Why would Leah be calling him, and not….? A lump forms in his throat.

“Where is she?” he demands with no other greeting. Leah gets straight to the point.

“She’s stuck at Amity...”

“Stuck? What the fuck do you mean, stuck?”

“The train is out of commission, all of them. The Amity won’t send a driver in this weather.”

“Why the fuck not?” he snarls in a yell, making the other’s heads turn.

Leah doesn’t say anything for a moment, then takes a deep breath. “Eric...she tried to call you. She said something about not getting a signal on her phone. The only way she could get a hold of me is on her computer. She tried on yours, but you didn’t answer. She just asked me to let you know she won’t be home tonight...” Eric’s breath whistles through his teeth.

“Oh the fuck she won’t…where in Amity is she?”

“I don’t know…she said they were going to put her up for the night, but didn’t say where.” 

Eric hangs up without another word. Cursing under his breath, he shakes his head in disgust. “Leah,” he snaps. Brady’s attention is immediately captured, turning to him. “What’d she say? Where’s Jade?” Eric cuts his eyes to the side, irritated.

“Fucking train is derailed, and those stoned out fuckers won’t send a driver in this weather. Fucking pussies are afraid of the big bad rain. Goddamn it,” he seethes. Tossing back the rest of his beer, he smashes the bottle on the ground. He places his hands on the rail, glowering at the crowd below.

Stomping off without another word, he leaves his stunned friends staring at him as he makes his way through the Pit. When he reaches the elevator, his jaw clenches in anger. Those little voices in the back of his head once more go to war with each other.

_What the fuck is the big deal? It’s just one night….._

_The big fucking deal, is that she’s in a danger zone and out of your reach…_

_Jade is a big girl, and can more than handle herself. Even if she couldn’t, there’s Dauntless stationed all over Amity. She’ll be fine…._

_But she’s still not here…and not where you can see or her or what she’s doing...with other Dauntless men around…_

That does it.

* * *

**JADE**

Thunder cracks loudly as lightning streaks across the sky, making me jump a little. "Wow, it's really coming down outside," Bree murmurs, peering out of the large window.  It cracks again, and the room goes pitch black. “Oh no….” Charity says as another streak of lightning hits, illuminating the now darkened silo that serves as an Amity office. Rummaging through the drawers, she pulls out a flashlight.

“Well Jade, I’d love to show you the rations numbers, but they’re in a file on my computer.”

“That’s okay, we were pretty much done for today, you can just email them to me later.”

The lights flicker back on, as I place my tablet into the small case I carry. Charity soothes her infant son, bouncing him slightly on her lap. He peers at me curiously, as I smile and stick out my finger. He grabs onto it, shaking it gleefully. “Aren’t you a handsome thing,” I coo as he reaches for me. Charity holds him up.

“Do you want to hold him? I think he might be in love,” she laughs, and I grimace slightly. “I’m not very good with babies…” Charity shakes her head, almost dumping him in my lap before I can refuse. “Nonsense,” she says as I scramble to get a hold on him. My eyes grow wide, as I’ve never really held a baby before.

Bouncing him gently on my knee, he sizes me up. A wide grin suddenly breaks over his face, and I can’t keep from cracking one myself. “What a sweetie.” I pretend to bite his hand. His baby laugh echoes throughout the room, making me giggle involuntarily. “You’re a natural,” she declares, as I hand him back to her. Giving a polite smile, I sip my tea while shaking my head silently.  

I won’t find out until I absolutely have to. Kids aren’t so bad….as long as they aren’t mine, and I can give them back.

Just then, Elijah, an Amity assistant knocks with an apologetic look. "Jade, " he says sheepishly, "I’m afraid I have some bad news.” I set my tea cup down. 

"What's going on?"

“I just called for a driver to take you to the yard, but there's a problem."

“What kind of problem?”

"Lightning zapped the track, and the train is derailed. Normally we would happily send a driver to drive you back to Dauntless itself, but in this weather, I'm afraid it's too dangerous. "

"I can't get home tonight?" 

"Unfortunately…we just received an advisory alert from Erudite, to stay indoors and remain out of way from falling debris…all trains are currently docked, not running until the storm lets up and the track repaired.”

Charity and Bree immediately nod. “We’d love to host you for the evening…our visitor complex is being renovated, but we do have other accommodations available…” Sighing, I turn my palms up. “Well, I guess I’m staying put for tonight…but I don’t want you to go to any trouble. Just house me with the rest of the Dauntless in their quarters. I can bunk with one of them.”

Elijah smiles, his pupils slightly dilated. “Of course…I’ll prepare the necessary arrangements. Just give me a few minutes and I’ll take you over there.” Exhaling slowly, I frown at the weather outside. I guess I don’t really have a choice…but I know this won’t go over well with Eric.

The storm won’t be the only thing raging in Chicago tonight…and I’m not certain which one is worse.

* * *

Elijah waves as I hurry from the truck, the wind and rain chasing after me. Entering the large building that serves as Dauntless lodging, several guards nod at me and call out in greeting. A few of them are milling around the halls, doors open and shifting from room to room in conversation, as typical back in the Dauntless compound. I spot Carter, a Dauntless-born friend of mine standing with a few other guards I recognize. He smiles as I make my way toward him, holding up his drink.

“Holy shit…our future first lady in the house!” He laughs as he gives me a quick hug. “Ha, Ha,” I retort. He keeps his arm slung around me, obviously feeling good from whatever is in his cup. “How the fuck you been, loser? Haven’t seen you in forever,” I greet warmly. He nods his head, gesturing around him. “Been stuck here forever. What brings you to out to East Jesus Nowhere?” I take the beer he hands me with sigh.

“I’m actually stuck here tonight. I had a meeting with the Amity ambassadors, but the storm got worse since I’ve been here. Fucking train is derailed, and they won’t send a driver because of the Erudite advisory. Looks like I’m shacking up with one of you tonight, until I can get home tomorrow.” They all immediately shake their heads, chuckling slightly. I look to each of them, confused.

“What?”

“No offense, but I’m not falling on that grenade,” Charles laughs, as the others nod in agreement.

“What ‘grenade’? What does that mean?”

“It means, I grew up with you and I love you like a sister, but there’s no way in Hell I’m going to tell Eric Coulter his old lady spent the night in my room when he isn’t here. I’m rather fond of my balls, and don’t wish to see them untethered from my body.”

Rolling my eyes, I purse my lips. “Dramatic much? It’s not a big deal…it’s just one night.” They all groan collectively and shake their heads. “It’s a big deal, Jade,” Spencer, another guard says. “Coulter is our boss, not the most understanding guy, and does not fuck around when it comes to you. Especially from the way Sawyer got chewed out that night he went to see…you…fuck…” his face turns red as he realizes what he just said. An uncomfortable silence falls over us, as no one speaks for a while. Spencer runs a hand through his hair, an apologetic look on his face.

“Fuck…Jade…I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking…I shouldn’t have said that…fuck…” he trails off, as I wave my hand slightly. “It’s okay…it’s not like anything is really a fucking secret at Dauntless,” I laugh, and they all join in relieved. Carter immediately changes the subject.

“Well, on that note, you are more than welcome to stay with me tonight. As you said, nothing in Dauntless is a secret, so no explanation needed why Eric should have no problem with that,” he quips. He holds his arm out in gesture, and I follow him gratefully to his room.

“How is Adam, by the way? You guys still together?” He nods his head with a smile. “Yep. Been a while now…and he still puts up with me for some reason…even with the test of me being out here.” He opens his door, and I walk through it. 

“Why would that be a test?” I ask curiously, sitting on his bed. Carter groans. “Because I’ve been out here for fucking ever, since the attacks started ramping up.” He sighs with a small shrug. “At least my deployment date is almost over.” I look up at him, surprised.

“They’re pulling you guys out of here?”

“No, of course not...they’re just rotating new squads in to replace us.”

“Why?”

“Because some of us actually have lives back at Dauntless. The morale is getting a little low here, and Alexa thinks it may be affecting our jobs. She ordered a change in shift, so the ones out here the longest can go home, and fresh reinforcements utilized.”

“When does that happen?”

“Don’t know…Eric has to sign off with his final approval. Alexa is just commander, Eric is a leader. The final say is his.”

He clears his throat humorously. “I’m not suggesting anything,” he begins, and I raise my brow. I already know what he’s going to say before he says it. “But maybe since you and Eric are…close…you could maybe encourage him to see it Alexa’s way?” he bites back a smile, as I lick my lips.

“Carter, you know as well as I do, that means jack fucking shit. It doesn’t matter who or what I am to Eric, he will not listen to anyone’s reason but his own. He and I may be…involved…but I don’t interfere in his professional life, as I don’t want him to interfere in mine. I can maybe…casually bring it up…but I cannot and will not promise you anything.” Carter holds his hands up in mock surrender. 

“Fair enough…it was worth a shot,” he laughs, and I chuckle with him. “Speaking of Eric, though…I need to call him and let him know I won’t be home. Where can I plug this in?” He points toward the makeshift nightstand near his bed. “I’ll leave you to it,” he says as he makes his way to the door.

After Carter leaves, I reach over and plug my tablet into the wall. Stretching out, I lay on my stomach and type in Eric’s conference number. When it still doesn’t connect after five minutes of ringing, I give up. “Fuck,” I grumble to myself. I need to let him know I won’t be home tonight, or he’ll completely lose his shit. I need to at least let someone know I won’t be home. My mom is busy with a training mission, and more than likely not near a computer. Quickly typing in Leah’s code, I breathe a sigh of relief when I see the ‘connecting’ message at the top. The screen lights up a moment later.

“Hey…what’s up? Where are you?” she asks as she sits at her desk. I sigh irritably.

“Hey…I need a huge favor…”

“Sure…what’s going on?”

“Well, just my fucking luck, my rotation took me to Amity today…in the middle of this storm, and now I’m fucking stuck here for the night…”

“What? Why?”

"Train is out of commission, and Amity won't send a driver out in this weather. I’m spending the night in the Dauntless quarters until tomorrow...”

“Okay, so what do you need from me?”

“The cell tower out here is too far for me to get a signal…I can only get a message by email or computer call. I can’t get a hold of Eric…can you let him know I won’t be home tonight?”

Leah groans, putting her palm to her forehead. "Fuck, Jade. Eric is going to lose his shit....and I have to be the one to tell him?" I hold my palms up pleadingly.

"He either loses his shit thinking something happened to me, and completely turns the entire faction inside out….or he’s just pissed off but doesn’t kick anyone’s door down over it. What do you think is better?” Leah rolls her eyes, but agrees reluctantly.

“Fine…”

“Love ya…you’re a lifesaver. Literally,” I laugh.

Hanging up, I wait for Eric's inevitable call. He’s going to lose his shit, and truth be told, I’m not that happy about it either. Ever since the night of my birthday, we’ve pretty much been inseparable. I haven’t slept in my own bed since the night we made up, except to grab a change of clothes.  There’s zero secrecy about our involvement any longer, and everyone is well aware of what Eric has very clearly established me as…

Completely his.

Eric continues to surprise me. Smiling, I think back to a few nights ago when he wanted to go leave the compound after dinner….

When we got down to the garage, I looked around, confused.  All the regular cars were out on patrol, and the utility tanks are a nightmare to operate. “I thought you said we were going for a drive?” Eric gestured toward another back room. “We are,” he said with slight smirk as I still didn’t get it. 

“Well….how are we doing that? Where are the cars? Are we walking?” I glanced around the garage, not seeing the usual cruiser we take. Eric shook his head, giving me a soft kiss. “Nope,” he said, making me wrinkle my forehead in confusion.  

“I thought you said we were leaving the compound.”

“We are, but we’re not taking the car.”

“Well, where are we going? How are we getting there?”

Eric wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to him “Patience,” he whispered with a grin, making me scowl. “You’re being very mysterious,” I purred, giving  a fleeting kiss. He touched his forehead to mine, gazing down at me intensely. There’s look in Eric’s eye I’ve never seen before, and it makes my insides turn to water. I stroked the side of his face as he pulled back, but didn’t say anything.

“Everything okay?” I asked lightly, and he nodded.  

Eric took my hand and led me across the garage. I look around curiously, still very confused as to what was going on. “Are we going...” I start to say, then trail off. Eric grins and opens the second door, where the motorcycles are kept. My eyes whip to his. “Are we taking a motorcycle?” I squeal excitedly, and Eric nods.

Walking over to the sleek, shiny machine, he backs it out of the space. He revs it up, and I cover my ears as the engine bangs. I can’t keep the excited grin from spreading over my face as he pats the seat behind him. I eagerly straddle the back, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Hold on,” Eric called over his shoulder. I held his waist more securely, resting my chin on his shoulder.

Eric eased the motorcycle out of the garage, and into the street. The wind whipped my blonde hair behind me as we left the Dauntless sector. I close my eyes for a moment, feeling the warm summer air wash over me. The sky is streaked with purple and pink, the sun starting to set. As we rode through the deserted streets of Chicago, my curiosity grew. 

Finally we stopped when we got to what used to be known as the DuSable Bridge. The lights of Chicago twinkle around us, as Eric turned off the engine and shifted around to face me. My breath had caught in my throat, as I never know what to expect from Eric, and tonight was no different. “Why’d we stop here?” I glance below me. “Is this where I’m going to be pushed to my death?” I joked, as Eric shook his head with a smirk.

“I’ll keep that in mind…but no. I wanted to get some fresh air, and I also wanted to do something I didn’t get a chance to do on your birthday.”

Peering at him curiously, I wrap my legs around his waist, so we’re sitting spider-legged. “What do you mean? I saw you on my birthday, and I certainly wasn’t expecting anything. I’m surprised you even knew, to be honest.” Eric’s hands come to rest on my thighs, and I absently rub my thumb over his knuckles. He tugs me closer, pulling me into a deep, slow kiss that makes me want to lay down on this bike and let him take me right here.

Before that can happen though, he breaks it and pulls back. Reaching into his jacket, he pulls out a long, rectangular box. “What’s this?” I whispered as he handed it to me. He just wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me slightly closer. 

“Open it.” 

Glancing at him again, I carefully crack it open. “Oh,” gasping, I see a beautiful Onyx and Garnet bracelet. My mouth rounds slightly as I take it out of the box, holding it up. The Erudite lab-created gems sparkle in the streetlights, perfectly mixing the black and red colors of the Dauntless in a beautiful effect.

I’m unable to keep the smile from my face as I glance from the bracelet back to Eric. He watches me intently for my reaction. “Do you like it?” he finally asked, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Like it? I fucking love it, and I hate jewelry normally…”

“You hate jewelry?”

“Well not hate it, but never wore it before…”

Eric’s eyes search my face, making the air charge between us. “You’ll wear this though…” he kisses me again, and I smile against his mouth. “Of course, I will…put it on me,” I demand eagerly. After he fastens it on my wrist, I bring my mouth to his, deep and slow. “Thank you,” I whispered, touching my forehead to his. Sensing his surprise, I bite my lip and smile. Being Dauntless-born, I’ve always hated public affection. I don’t believe it’s who the Dauntless are. That shit is for Amity.

But I'm truly appreciative of what he did for me, and he deserved to know. 

“I love it…it’s beautiful,” I whisper once we break apart. Eric strokes the side of my face, his eyes searching me for a moment. “It was hard to find something that compared,” he whispered back.

After we got back to Dauntless that night, we barely made it back to Eric’s penthouse. After our passion had lasted for several hours, we finally settled down in each other’s arms in a hazy state of bliss. Eric had kissed the back of my neck softly, as I grazed my fingers over his forearms. There’s a silent, unspoken conversation that we both need to have, but neither of us do.

Or maybe we’re just afraid to.

* * *

The sudden beeping of my tablet brings me out of my reverie. Sighing, I see that Eric must’ve received Leah’s message. Laying down on my stomach, I hit ‘accept’. His sullen face comes into focus on my screen.

“What the fuck do they mean they won’t send a driver,” he demands. Sighing, I roll my eyes.

“It means that they won’t send a driver to take me home. I don’t know how else to explain that to you,” I quip. He’s not amused.

“Not in the fucking mood, Jade. I don’t like this.”

“I don’t like it either…but what can I do? Erudite issued the warning.”

“No, this is fucking bullshit…”

“What the fuck do you want me to do, Eric? Walk home?”

He grits his teeth in anger. “I don’t fucking like you being all the way out there…not in this weather, and not with everything that’s gone on at Amity lately. It doesn’t sit well,” he snaps. Crossing my arms in front of me, I decide to try and lighten the mood. 

“Look…I’m not overjoyed about it either, but it’s just one night. I’ll be fine. Besides…I’m a big girl, and can handle myself. If something pops off, I’m not worried. I ranked first in initiation for a reason.” Eric sighs, still disgruntled.

“Do they at least have you somewhere decent? Where are you staying?”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m with the rest of the Dauntless assigned here under you. I’m with my own, and I’m safe. Satisfied?”

“Not really, no. Who’d you kick out of the room for the night?”

Confused, I shake my head. “No one…I’m simply sharing a room with Carter.” Eric’s nostril flare in rage. “What do you mean, sharing? You are not spending the night with another fucking guy!” he all but yells. I raise my brow defiantly, sitting up and glaring back at him on the screen.

“Couple things, here Eric. The first being you do not fucking tell me what I am or aren’t doing. The second being, there is no fucking choice…he was the only one willing to let me spend the night here, as everyone else is too afraid of your reaction. I will not kick someone out of their own Goddamn room for a silly reason, and if you stopped to think about it, you’d know why there should be absolutely no issue with it!”

“You just said you’re spending the night in some fucking guy’s room, and think I’m not going to have a problem with that?”

“Because of this particular guy, no, you fucking shouldn’t!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. I-know-everything-about-my-soldiers, it appears pertinent information regarding this situation has somehow managed to evade you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Leaning forward, I set my jaw. “It means, that you have absolutely nothing to worry about with Carter…as I don’t quite meet the criteria for his standards. I’m ill-equipped in that regard…he wants something I can never give him…no woman can….” Waiting for it to dawn on him, I nod my head as I see he finally gets it.

“Oh…really?”

“Yes…he’s never even been with a woman and has no desire to. He actually threw up at the thought, once.”

“I still don’t like it…”

Rolling my eyes, I sink back against the pillows, shaking my head. Eric lights up a cigarette, trying to calm down. “Look…” I whisper, adjusting the screen so he can see better. “I don’t like it any more than you do, but it is, what it is. It’s just one night…” Eric’s eyes narrow, as he shakes his head.

“I think fucking not,” he snaps, then reaches over and disconnects.

Closing my tablet with a sigh, I drum my fingers on my stomach for a moment. I can’t believe he’s being such an asshole…well…I can, but this is ridiculous. Trying to see it from his point of view, I just shrug and pick my tablet again.

I guess I’ll deal with the fallout from it later.

* * *

 

I hang out in the hallways for a while, chatting and drinking with a few people I haven’t seen in forever. Just as I’m about to go back to Carter’s room, I see Elijah coming down the hall, looking a little tense. I raise my brow, as something has him shook.

“Jade,” he says in a light tone. “Can I talk to you for a second?” Nodding, I lean against the doorway. “Sure…what’s going on?” A knowing feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Elijah forces a smile to his face, holding his hands up apologetically.

“It seems Mr. Coulter is not satisfied with your accommodations for the evening. I’m afraid he was rather…insistent…we provide something more suitable for you,” he explains. My jaw clenches as I shake my head. “Well… _Mr. Coulter_ may have a problem, but I don’t. I’ll be staying right where I am…and I really don’t give a shit what he insists on,” I state firmly, crossing my arms. Elijah swallows, taken aback at the force of my tone. He takes a deep breath, then implores me with his eyes.

“Well… may I ask you this? Could you please allow us to provide you with an alternate arrangement as a personal favor to me? He was not pleased, and I don’t really care to get on his bad side,” he admits, and I roll my eyes openly. Of course Eric just had to flex his leader muscles, scaring and intimidating to get what he wants.

Gnashing my teeth, I decide I really don’t want Elijah to bear the punishment in this little power struggle. “Fine,” I snap. “Just give me a minute grab my stuff.”

The wind and rain is coming down even harder now, as I hurriedly jump into the waiting truck. We don’t speak on the short drive, stopping at a row of cottages in a field. Curious, I peer through the wipers at them. I’ve never seen these before, even though I’ve been to Amity many times. Elijah comes around to my door with an umbrella.

“This one,” he calls.

He ushers me inside the cottage, quickly closing the door. “Thank you, Jade,” he says gratefully, as he sets my bag down. “I’ll be back in the morning, to take you to the tracks, or to Dauntless itself if the storm has gotten better.” I nod at him. “Thank you, Elijah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After he leaves, I immediately plug my tablet in and dial Eric’s conference number. Waiting with crossed arms, it doesn’t connect after three tries. “Shit,” I mumble as I hang up. He was so fucking concerned about me being out here, and now he won’t answer his calls?

Closing my tablet, I pace throughout the room, surveying my surroundings. 

The cottage is quite cozy. The fireplace is going, with a comfortable warmth permeating throughout the room. The wooden floors are soft, and there's a woven rug right in front of the fireplace. All the furniture is wooden, and gives a homey feel. The bed is large, the mattress unbelievably soft with cozy blankets 

It could be worse.

Plopping down on the bed, I open my tablet again. After knocking out some mundane work details and organizing my schedule, I see that I have tomorrow afternoon free. My stomach does a little flip, when I realize there are no excuses left for me to put off what I said I was going to do, and I might as well get it over with…

Tomorrow, I visit the site where my father’s ashes were scattered.

I’ve put it off long enough, and this is something I need to do. I promised my mom I was going to put myself on the right path, and this is the first step. Taking a deep breath, I glance around the room as I’m reminded of another hurdle I need to jump over, if things are going to move forward with Eric.

Even though I know I was wrong about his intentions in never telling me about Ayden, and how badly I fucked up the whole situation, the question still eats at me. Eric never really explained fully, and I still wonder about it…he had reasons for keeping it from me, more than just ‘confidential council business’, and I need to know what they are. I have my own theories, but….I need to hear it from Eric himself. I need know why he-

My train of thought is broken, as headlights flash across the ceiling.

Slowly standing, I hear an engine pull up but it doesn’t sound like the normal trucks of the Amity. Peering through the blinding rain on the window, I see a large black vehicle, almost impossible to see.  Elijah would’ve called me if I’d forgotten something, and he didn’t say he was coming back until tomorrow. My heart begins to pound, as I wonder if this is one of the attacks that have happened recently. That feeling I always get before I go into combat comes over me, where there’s a slight haze and buzzing in my brain. Almost in a trance, I reach down and quietly pull out my gun.

Just as footsteps crunch right outside the porch, I take aim.

Wind and rain blow through the door as it opens, a large male figure entering the room. Lightning cracks again, illuminating Eric’s face. “What the fuck,” I cry in an exasperated tone, quickly hurrying over to him. Eric takes notice of the gun in my hand, chuckling in amusement. I sock him in the shoulder, with an indignant glare.

“Are you fucking crazy? I almost shot you! What are you doing here?”

Kicking the door closed with his heel, he wraps his arms around my waist and walks us backward. “You tell me you’re spending the night with some fucking guy…no matter how innocuous, and think I’m not going to come out here?” Grabbing the back of my head, he pulls me into a hard kiss that steals my breath. After he breaks it, I sigh with a rueful smile.

“Get these off before you catch a cold, at least,” I whisper, sliding his jacket off him.  The rain pounds on the roof, as I set his jacket near the fireplace to dry. He looks out the window, frowning. “We should wait a little bit before heading out…the wind is really bad.” I turn to him in surprise.

“Head out? We’re leaving?”

“yeah…I came here to bring you home. No fucking way was I going to let you be stranded.”

“I wasn’t stranded…I was with the Dauntless, until you had me pulled away for no good fucking reason.”

Turning slowly with a glare, our eyes lock for a moment. “I don’t give a shit…you are different from them, and I was not going to leave you out here.” His tone leaves no room for argument, and I decide to drop it. I don’t feel like fighting with him right now anyway. My blood begins to heat as I take in his wet appearance, his tattooed arms glistening from the rain. His black combat gear is soaked, hugging every nook and crevice of his body. Biting my lip, I get an idea.

Making my way over to him, I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing kisses along his jaw. “Well,” I breathe as I kiss under his chin, “Since you drove all this way, and the weather is awful with no sign of improving soon…how about we just stay here tonight?” A wicked little smile pulls at my mouth as he stares down at me in surprise.

“You want to stay?”

“We shouldn’t be driving in this, and we have the cottage for the night anyway. Might as well take advantage of it…”

My eyes implore him while I pull him with me to the center of the room. The fireplace crackles and snaps with flames, as we sink down on the couch. As I straddle his waist, he wraps his arms around mine. Taking both sides of his face, I kiss him soundly.  

"All right…we’ll stay," he whispers when we break apart. His hands slide over my thighs, and I feel the heat start to build between us. “Even though you’re a psychotic asshole to drive all the way out here in this storm, simply because you weren’t getting your way,” I murmur as I pull his shirt off him, “I'm glad you came for me." 

His eyes devour me greedily as he chuckles lowly. “Of course I came for you…rain would hardly be something to stop me.”  Clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth, I begin to peck kisses along his jaw. A sense of urgency builds as our mouths and hands tangle. “Well,” I breath against his chin.  

“The least I can do is make it worth the drive.”

* * *

Hours later, the rain finally starts to soften to a gentle drizzle. Dozing by the fire, I rest my head on my arms as Eric sleeps beside me. One of his arms is wrapped around my waist, his leg covering mine. As the fire starts to simmer down, I sneak another glance at him, shaking my head with a smile. I still can’t believe he came all the way out here.

Thinking back to earlier, a memory suddenly whispers in my subconscious.

_Especially from the way Sawyer got chewed out that night he went to see you…_

Eric was right, when he said that we needed to straighten our shit out…and we still haven’t. Just as I need to come to terms with what happened to Ayden, I need to hear the truth…the real truth…of why he hid it from me. Council bullshit be damned. He had an ulterior motive from keeping me from it, and I need to know what it was.

No more secrets.

Gently disentangling myself from his arms, I lean over and stoke the fire until the flames catch again. Laying on my side, I become lost in thought. A moment later, I feel my hair being brushed from my shoulder, then Eric’s lips on the nape of my neck. “What’s a matter?” he murmurs, his lips traveling down to my shoulder. Weighing my options for a moment, I decide that I might as well just come out and say it…there’s no easy way to have this conversation.

Taking a deep breath, I roll over to face him. He stares down at me through hooded eyes, a slight smirk playing on his lips. Noticing my sudden shift in mood, he pulls back and props himself up on his elbow.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s…wrong…I’m just thinking back to the last few days.”

He lays on his side, brushing my hair behind my ear. “Anything in particular?” he asks cautiously. It’s now or never. Finally looking up, my eyes lock with his.

“I want to know the real reason you didn’t tell me about Ayden.”

Thunderous silence falls between us, as Eric’s face immediately shifts to an unreadable, stoic mask. His jaw clenches, as ice begins to form in his eyes. My heart beats faster, my palms growing damp.

“Really?  _That’s_ what you want to talk about right now?” He sneers, abruptly pushing himself off the floor.  Sitting up, I watch him stomp over to the counter and pick up his jacket. Angrily yanking his cigarettes out of the pocket, he makes his way to the door. Flinging it open, he stands in the frame, his back turned to me.

Looking out past the field beyond the porch, he puffs on his cigarette. Deciding the damage has already been done, I might as well keep going. This is something we need to get past, and we can’t do that if we don’t talk about it. 

I need to know, if only for me.

Pulling his shirt over me, I hug it to my body, quietly make my way toward him.  His head shifts as I get near, but he still doesn’t turn. Anger radiates from his posture, as I stop just behind him. Sighing, I lean into the doorframe. As I’m trying to figure out how to broach the issue again without a massive fight, he finally turns.  

“Why is it that whenever things are actually okay with us, you are bound and determined to fuck it up?”

“Eric, that’s not what-“

“Yes, it is! You were just fucking me, and  _that’s_  what you were thinking about?”

“Eric, listen to me-“

“Fucking save it, Jade.”

I can’t get a word in edgewise. As I open my mouth to protest again, Eric moves back inside, slamming the door to the cottage so hard it rattles. The flames from the fireplace dance angrily across the bare skin of his chest, as he glowers into the burning pile. Licking my dry lips, I make my way toward him again.

“Listen to me,” I demand in a quiet, firm voice. He keeps looking at the fire, visibly trying to keep his calm. Hugging myself a little more tightly, I cross my arms and try again. 

“Eric…I’m not trying to fuck up or ruin anything. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’m sick of this being an issue…a still unresolved issue. We’ve already done the fighting part about it, and I conceded that I was wrong. But the question still remains, that I’m asking you to answer so we can get past it. I just want to understand…” Pausing, I second guess if I really want to know this. Pushing my hesitation aside, I repeat myself softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Ayden?”

He still doesn’t look at me, keeping his eyes trained steadily in the fireplace. After a long, pregnant pause he finally speaks. “How exactly was that conversation supposed to go, Jade?” he asks in a deadly calm voice. I don’t say anything, afraid to interrupt and not get the answer I’m looking for.

“Was I supposed to tell you how many times he betrayed you? How many different ways he made a fool of you? How everyone out here knew he was sticking his dick in anything with an opening between their legs, while his fiancée was back at Dauntless, none the wiser? Tell me, Jade…how was I supposed to tell you how badly he humiliated you? What method did you prefer?”

A painful knot forms in the middle of my chest, as our eyes lock. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t see the logic in hurting you? In humiliating you? Despite what you very wrongly thought my intentions were? That I gave a precise order that if anyone dared to breathe a word of this outside of Amity, I’d make certain they regretted it dearly, as you didn’t need to know? Did you?” he demands in a sharp tone. I still say nothing, almost completely mesmerized. He closes his eyes for a moment, looking down and exhaling slowly.

“Look…things have been fucked up between us from the very start, and I know that. I know what you think my motives are for doing things the way I did, and I don’t fault you for that. I’ll admit I didn’t have the best of intentions when this started…but they’ve changed. I’ve been trying to fix it for a while now…I didn’t see how throwing Ayden making a fool of you in your face to be to my benefit in that regard...and hurting is not what I want.” A slightly pained expression pulls at his features, as I feel tears start to form.

“Hurting you will never be what I want…ever. So there it is…the best answer I can give. If you aren’t satisfied with that, there’s just nothing more I can say.”

My tears slip down my face, as I feel like the wind is knocked out of me. I’ve been wrong…Eric wasn’t going to humiliate me, or use me…nothing like what I thought. He didn’t tell me simply to protect me. I was the one that went snooping…I was the one that watched something I was never intended to…come to think of it…no one even knew anything until I myself said something about it.

This was all my fault…

Eric keeps his eyes trained on me, as I move closer. Never breaking eye contact, I let his shirt fall from my body. His eyes devour me as I search his face for a moment. “No more secrets,” I whisper, touching my lips to his. Eric pulls back, staring at me intensely.

“No more secrets.”

His lips cover mine, his tongue slyly invading my mouth. Slowly and sensually he takes charge, running his hands down the bare skin of my back, coming to rest on my ass. The combination is simply lethal. My legs feel like they’re about to crumble, as he pulls me to him.

As urgency and heat build between us, I go almost completely limp. My body curves in a responsive bow, molding to his form. His arms wrap around me possessively and protectively. Though I feel completely swept away and a sense of home when we’re like this, this is more than just lust. Our moment of honesty makes me feel a deeper bond spark between us, and it scares the hell out of me…

But I’m not going to let fear win.

Eric leans down and grabs my thighs, wrapping them around his waist as he walks toward the bed. He sinks over me, completely covering my body with his. Slowly spreading my legs with his knee, he nestles between them. My back arches as I feel his tongue swirl around my nipple, his hands roaming the length of my body.

Reaching down, I help him slip into me. “Oh…”I moan, as my eyes close, my mouth rounded. As I wrap my legs around his waist, Eric leans into my ear. “Tell me you want me,” he commands in a sensual tone, bracing himself on his forearms. He’s high enough over me to watch him move in and out, making me feel every controlled thrust. My eyes plead with him to push us both over the edge, but his jaw sets in a firm line. He’s not going to give me what I need until he gets what he wants.

“I want you…”

“Tell me you you’re mine…”

“I’m yours…”

He throws his head back with his eyes closed at my words. “Jade…” he whispers. I stare at him breathlessly, waiting for him to say whatever it is he can’t seem to be able to. But his lips rushed down to claim mine, swallowing whatever it is.

As the rain falls outside, we get completely lost in each other. Nothing matters right now. Not where we are, who we are, why we are, or how we began this journey… only that we’re exactly what we’re supposed to be when with each other…

Complete and whole.

* * *

 

**THE NEXT MORNING**

I’m waiting for Eric to come back from the Dauntless camp, when I hear a car pull up. Making my way to the porch, I smile at Elijah as he jumps down from the truck.

“Good morning Jade…” he hands me a coffee with a smile, that I take gratefully.

“Good morning…”

“How was your evening? Did you sleep well?”

Biting back a giggle, I sip my coffee. “Yeah…it was great.” I know I’m blushing,. Elijah grins at me knowingly, and I raise my brow.

“I saw Mr. Coulter at the Dauntless station on my way over here…do you still need me to take you to the tracks? Is he staying?”

“No…he should be back any minute now, I’ll just ride with him. I appreciate it though.”

Elijah looks over my shoulder with a smile. “Did he spend the night with you here?” Surprised by his question, I nod. “Yes…he did. That’s not a problem, is it?” He laughs as he shakes his head. “Of course not…it’s a good thing. Maybe the room will work it’s magic for the two of you.” Confused, I knit my brows together. “What magic? What do you mean?” Elijah gestures around him with a smile.

“These are our marital retreat cottages. When couples are facing strife in their unions, we encourage them to come here and reconnect with each other. True harmony and happiness is built when outside influence is kept at bay. Each room has a specific purpose.”

Trying not to roll my eyes, I just shrug. “Okay…so what purpose does this one have? 

“This is our maternal connection suite.”

“Maternal connection?”

“Yes…couples that are having difficulty conceiving a child usually spend time here. There’s just something about this room, that seems to work magic. We encourage couples to express their love freely in this room…and we’ve had great success with it.

I nearly spit out my coffee. “What the fuck!” I cry without thinking. “Why the Hell would you put me in there!” Elijah is speechless for a moment, and I bite my tongue. “I’m sorry..” I finally sputter. “I’m just not used to Amity ways.”

Thankfully, Eric pulls up at that moment in a Dauntless patrol car. “Thank you again, Elijah,” I call over my shoulder as I practically sprint to the car. Eric looks from me to Elijah, not knowing what’s going on. “Get me the fuck out of here,” I demand, as Eric puts the car in gear.

I tell him what has me so shook up on the drive back to Dauntless, and he bursts into laughter. “You don’t really believe that bullshit,” he scoffs. My eyes snap to his. “Not a chance I’m willing to take. We fucked about three times in there. I don’t want some weird Amity spell on me,” I laugh, looking out the window. A comfortable silence falls between us, then Eric rests his hand on my leg.

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”

Not knowing how to respond, I don’t say anything. Thank God I had the good sense to take precautions…but I’ll keep that to myself for the time being.

Once we get back to Dauntless and up to his penthouse, stretch out on his bed with a sigh. It’s good to be back home, where there isn’t some weird energy trying to knock me up with kids I don’t want. I pick up my phone to text my mom, then groan

The piece of shit is dead again.

"What's a matter?" Eric asks, setting his own phone on the nightstand.

"My phone is a piece of shit. It’s dead again." 

"So? Just plug it in." 

"Yes, but if I go somewhere and my psychotic asshole of a boyfriend can't reach me, all Hell will break loose." 

Looking around for a charger, I feel Eric's eyes on me. When I look up, there’s a hint of smile on his face. "What?" I ask, puzzled. Eric walks over and wraps his arms around me, pressing his forehead to mine. "That's the first time you ever called me that," he whispers.

"That's the first time I called you...what?... " My mouth rounds slightly when I realize what I did. I just called Eric my boyfriend. A slow flush creeps over me, as Eric pulls back. "I did just hear you call me your boyfriend, didn't I?" His eyes are clouded with intensity, and my heart starts to pound.

When I don’t say anything for a moment, the smile drains from Eric's face. I quickly wrap my arms around his neck, pressing a hasty kiss to his mouth. "Well…that’s what you are, isn't it?" My voice shakes slightly, as I suddenly feel vulnerable.

Eric stares at me for a minute, then a satisfied smirk pulls the corners of his mouth up. "Yeah," he whispers as he picks me up by my waist, laying me on the bed. He runs his hand over my thigh and I stroke down his back. He pulls up and strokes the side of my face. 

"I think we both know it’s a little bit more than just that,” He whispers as his eyes search mine. I close my eyes in anticipation, as I feel his lips move over my throat.  Just as his lips travel down to my chest, his phone beeps with the distinct sound of the council signal. "Fuck," Eric swears under his breath. He leans over and checks it, scowling. 

"Shit. Council was just called.”

"All right…we’ll see each other later tonight." 

"What are you going to do today?"  

Looking down for a moment, I force a nonchalant smile. “Just stuff for my mom.” It’s technically not a lie. I don’t want to tell him I’m going to visit the site where my father’s ashes were scattered. Though Eric and I have definitely moved on to the next phase of our relationship, this is still one areas of my life I’m not willing to allow anyone .

The topic of my father is a closed subject, and will be for a while.

Eric stares down at me for a moment, and I can tell he’s deciding whether or not to press. “Okay,” he says finally. “Just let me know if you’re going out into the city.” I narrow my eyes.

“Why?”

“Because I want to know where you’re going, that’s why.”

“I’m not a child, Eric…and just because we-“

“Jade,” he interrupts sharply, in his most chilling voice. “For once in your fucking life, stop arguing just to argue. There’s reasons I can’t talk about yet, but reasons nonetheless, of why extra precautions should be taken.” His signature scowl is once more in place.

The severity of his tone strikes a chord, and I swallow the rest of my argument. “Fine,” I concede. We stare at each other for a long moment, then Eric cracks a cocky smirk.

"Besides, you like me telling you what to do, even if you won't admit it." 

"Do not," I retort automatically, and pretend to glower. 

Eric chuckles, leaning in and kissing me again. I take his face in my hands and stroke my thumbs lightly over cheekbones. "I'll see you in a little bit," he whispers. Smiling, I give him a fleeting kiss.

As he leaves, I giggle stretching out on the bed. I do _not_ like him taking ownership of me and telling me what to do, I huff to myself, then shake my head with a wry smile. 

Okay, I'll admit it only to me. Maybe I do. 

* * *

 

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

Walking along the water’s edge for a moment, I look up at the glistening Chicago skyline. Memories flood in of the last time I was here, and a painful lump forms in my throat.

I loved hanging out at the Dauntless firehouse, and when my dad would take me around the city in the truck. One day when I was seven years old, my dad picked me up from school and brought me on shift with him. We stopped along the small lake, now maintained and preserved by the Erudite, and fed the ducks. I remember asking him about the lake, and who lived in it. I’ll never forget what he told me.

“Do you know why the lake sparkles, Jade?” he’d said, stroking my hair. I shook my head no. He smiled, as I eagerly awaited his explanation. “Remember the story about the tiny fairy? Do you remember her name?” My eyes got big, as I nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yes... Tinkerbell…”

“That’s right. Want to know something cool about fairies?”

“What?”

“They love water. They love to sprinkle their magic on the water so it sparkles, and little girls like you can enjoy it. Want to know something else?”

“What?”

“If you’re very good and still, you might actually be able to see one.”

I’d clapped my hands in excitement. “Really, Daddy?” I’d cried, immediately scouring the air for any sign of ethereal presence. My Dad had laughed, kissing my cheek and giving me a hug. “I tell ya what, kiddo… if you’re good, you listen to your mommy and you stop punching Erudite boys you think are mean in school, I’ll take you out here once a week so we can watch for fairies. Deal?”

I’d frowned, pursing my lips. “I always listen to mommy…and if Erudite boys don’t want to be punched they shouldn’t pick on other kids. But okay…”

After that day, my dad had kept his promise. He’d taken me out here, usually packing a picnic lunch or food for the ducks, and we spent the day watching for fairies, eating, and just spending time together. Coming here was one of the best memories of my childhood, and of my Dad. When things started to go downhill with him and my mom, it got less frequent. I would wait for him to pick me up and take me, only for him not to show. I’d get home from school to find him passed out drunk on our couch.

After he was exiled from Dauntless, I would sneak out here on my own against Tamra’s wishes. I would come here, holding out hope that one day he’d be waiting, and we’d see each other again. I stopped coming when I was about twelve…when it was clear that just I never saw an actual fairy over the lake, I would never see my father ever again either.

Both are now just memories. 

Walking farther sit, I finally spot it. A small stone with the faded red mark, nestled along the abandoned building just outside what used to be known as Shedd Aquarium. Feeling my heart beat faster, my breath catches as I slowly make my way toward it. Stopping to stare for a moment, I become a little overwhelmed. The past nine years come rushing at me, bringing everything I’d tried so hard to bury, right to the surface. Just as I’m considering turning around and going back to the train yard, I remind myself of the promise that I made.  I can’t move forward if I don’t settle a few things…and this is the first step.  Carefully kneeling, I unfold my legs from under me and stare at the stone for a minute.

“Hi Daddy,” I whisper softly.

Tucking my knees to my chest, I take a deep breath.  “I’m not really sure how to begin this conversation…so I guess I’ll start by saying I never did see that mysterious fairy, you know…though I tried so hard to be good.” I pause for a minute to try and get myself together.

“We both know I’m not good with this stuff, so I’m going to keep it brief.” Brushing my hand over the stone, there’s a slight shake in my fingers. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a small envelope with ‘Daddy’ in my ten-year-old handwriting. Placing it gently by the stone, I continue in a soft voice.

“I wrote you this letter when I was ten, and I’ve been holding on to it ever since. The time has come to let it go, and wish that somehow reaches you, if only in spirit. Obviously, there’s a lot more I could add to it now, but I don’t want to write a novel. I’ll give you a summary, just so I can get it out.”

Angry tears spring to my eyes, as my jaw clenches. “The gist of it is this. I’m not here to berate you, or be angry over things that can’t change. I’m here simply to say what I couldn’t all those years ago. That I love you…and I wish you’d loved me more than the bottle. It wasn’t just Mom you punished, by pissing away your entire life and family. I loved you, and wanted you there for the biggest moments of my life…”

Overwhelmed with suppressed grief, my face twists in anguish. “You weren’t fucking there. You weren’t there to see me graduate from Levels, you weren’t there to see me rank first in initiation…you aren’t here to see me do well in Dauntless. My children, when they come, won’t ever know their grandfather. There’s so much of my life that you should have been, and should be a part of, and you aren’t and never will.”  

My tears slip down my cheeks, as I hastily wipe them away. “There’s a lot you missed, and will continue to miss. I don’t know if you’re looking down or not, but I’ve been seeing someone…a Dauntless leader, no less… I don’t know where it’s going, but it has potential. That’s all I can say right now.” Taking a deep breath, I collect myself before continuing.

“Look, Dad, I really I don’t know if there’s an afterlife or what I believe, but if there is, I ask you for a favor. Despite how things ended, I know you loved Mom, and she loved you. If that meant anything at all, send her some kind of sign. She’s suffered enough. Just let her know that it’s okay for her to move on, and live her life. If the love you once had for her isn’t enough to compel you, I can only hope that your love for me will. I want to move on and let go, and I need to know she’s going to be happy and not waste anymore of her life grieving for something she can’t get back. Whether that’s you, or the family we had with you, doesn’t matter. I want her to move on for my own selfish reasons, that I’m not afraid to admit. I’m Dauntless, not Abnegation for a reason. If you don’t want to do it for her, fine. But please do it for me.”

My voice breaks at the end, and I allow myself to let it out. It’s what I came here to do. Wrapping my arms around my knees, my chest heaves with deep sobs. As the last nine years come pouring out of me, I almost literally feel a weight lifting from my body. Eventually my grief subsides to quiet tears. Touching the stone again, I say my final goodbye.

“I just want you to know that I love you, and I forgive you. I hope wherever you are, you finally found peace. Maybe I’ll come see you again…and who knows? Maybe if I ever have a daughter someday, I’ll bring her out here so she can watch for fairies with her grandfather.”

Rising to my feet, I give the stone where my father’s ashes rest one last look. a sad, relieved smile pulls at my mouth. “Goodbye Daddy,” I whisper as I turn on my heel.

Making my way back along the water’s edge, a strange sensation grips my body. Glancing around, I don’t see anyone but I still feel eyes on me. Chalking it up to an overactive imagination, I keep walking. As the train horn sounds in the distance, I break a sprint. I manage to catch it as it goes by, swinging myself easily into the car.

As the train carries me back toward Dauntless, I grip the handle, leaning out the entrance. Closing my eyes, a happy exhaustion comes over me. I wish I’d done this years ago. While I’ll never fully recover from losing my Dad, I know I can still have a full life.

Letting go has finally set me free.

* * *

 


	27. Downpour Outtake - Leah and Brady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot was going on while Eric and Jade were away at Amity on that rainy Chicago night :). Leah and Brady finally get a few things situated between them, and it appears that nobody is exactly on the same page, regarding their respective relationships. 
> 
> Warnings: Language and smut. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I wrote the conversation with Eric's friends in a raw, realistic way...and I wrote their dialogue with things I myself would be offended by. It does not mean I condone their views. Just sayin'. :)

* * *

Rachel knocks the rest of her drink back, setting it in front of her. “So how bad did Eric freak out?” Leah grimaces while taking another sip of beer. “Let’s just say that telling Eric that Jade is stuck somewhere without him, should be in the fear landscape simulation. Thank God I didn’t have to tell him in person,” she groans. Rachel chuckles, quirking her brow.

“Well, it’s not like he had to go drag her drunk ass out of an elevator,” she laughs. Leah giggles as she shakes her head. “I still can’t believe we got that fucked up.” She shifts to face her. 

“So how much trouble did you get in with Sebastian for that night?” Leah teases, then stops when the smile drains from Rachel’s face. “Oh shit…was it bad?” Rachel shakes her head, lacing her hands over her stomach.

“No, it wasn’t anything…because I haven’t really talked to him since.”

“What? I thought he took you home…”

“He did.”

 “He didn’t say anything about it at all?”

Rachel catches her bottom lip between her teeth. “I didn’t give him the chance. He was gone when I woke up, and I left before he could come back.” Her tone is clipped, with no trace of humor. Leah can see that she needs to tread lightly with this, as Rachel is clearly upset and trying to act as if she isn’t. “Why is that?” she asks cautiously. Rachel sighs, reaching over and pouring another drink.

“Because I think I need to put the brakes on this whole thing…”

“Why?”

“It’s just getting a little too complicated, and going in a direction I’d rather avoid.”

“What do you mean?”

Rachel looks down, swirling her drink with the straw. She pauses for a long moment, then takes a deep breath. “Things are just getting…a little…out of hand, and I need to pull back.” Leah quirks her brow inquisitively. “Out of hand how?” Rachel inhales sharply, staring straight ahead. 

“I thought when Sebastian and I started messing around, it was just going to be in fun, and something we do occasionally. But it’s been more than occasionally, and I don’t want to get caught up in it and get shit twisted.”

Leah doesn’t say anything for a minute, then takes a sip of her drink. “What do you mean by twisted? Caught up in what?” Rachel scoffs with a slight smirk. “I just think I’m starting to forget what this really is, and I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment. It’s just better that I cut Sebastian loose now, before it goes any farther. I recognize the signs, and I need to accept it.” Her voice shakes slightly.

“Rachel, what signs? What do you mean? Before what goes farther? I’m confused…” Leah grows slightly alarmed, as tears spring to Rachel’s eyes. She sets her glass down, turning to face her. Hastily wiping them from her face, Rachel picks up her drink.

“What I mean, is that it’s all fun and games, until someone catches feelings. In this case, it’s me…and I’m not falling any further into the hole.”

Not quite certain what to say, Leah looks up for a moment while biting her lip. “Rachel,” she begins gently, “How are you so certain that Sebastian doesn’t feel the same way? I’m not understanding your thought process…”

“Leah…you haven’t been in Dauntless long, but I grew up here, around Dauntless men. They’re either one of two things. Fiercely possessive and protective, or they don’t give a shit, they just want to get laid. Sebastian falls in the second category. Always has, and always will. That’s not the kind of guy you think of as long term. That’s the kind of guy you fuck around with before you meet the permanent guy.”

“how do know that he couldn’t eventually be long term?”

“He doesn’t think of me like that, Leah.”

“How do you know?”

Rachel all but slams her drink down. “Because he practically almost fucked Tiffany right in front me. I was the last thing on his mind that night…” she grits out, and Leah is taken aback by the force in her tone. Her Candor nature doesn’t stop her from stating a fact.

“Rachel, you know he didn’t go home with her…because he came and got you…”

“I’m sure he probably only took me home as his ‘friend’. I was too drunk to do anything else, so he probably left and found somewhere else to get his dick wet for the night. Probably Tiffany. I don’t know why else he wouldn’t be there when I woke up…”

Leah sighs, somewhat at a loss on how to proceed. Rachel closes her eyes briefly, tilting her face upwards.

“I’m just…mad at myself for feeling this way, because it shouldn’t be an issue. I shouldn’t give a shit. I shouldn’t care that he’s plowed every girl in Dauntless, present company excepted, and probably still is, but I do. I care that it hurt me to see him with her that night. That’s a fucking problem…that’s on me to fix, not Sebastian. He’s never once led me on, or deluded me on exactly what our involvement is. This isn’t his fault…it’s mine. So… I’m going to do the right thing for everyone and end it.”

Leah takes another sip, eying her over the brim. “Okay…so…what’s your plan with that? Are you going to tell him?” Rachel shakes her head, clenching her teeth. “No,” she states firmly, eyes straight ahead. “I don’t want any drama. I don’t even think anything needs to be said at all.”  Leah shakes her head, pursing her lips.

“You’re just going to ghost him?

“More like slow fade…it’s the easiest way.”  
“Slow fade?”

Rachel shrugs, picking up her drink. “I’m just going to gradually drop off his radar. I’m not taking his calls and only answer an occasional text. I plan on being unavailable when he’s in the mood to get laid. If he’s not getting sex, he’ll lose interest real fucking quick…and eventually migrate to someone else. No big dramatic scene or weird feelings. No fuss no muss." 

Rachel takes a deep breath, waving her hand slightly in the air. “But enough of that,” she declares, changing the subject. “While we’re going down this road, though…you never did tell me what happened with Brady that night…” she wiggles her brows suggestively, then her smile freezes as Leah looks down at her drink. “Oh shit…did he suck in bed or something?”

Leah can’t help but laugh. “I wouldn’t know…that didn’t happen.” Rachel’s mouth rounds slightly, tilting her head to the side. “Really,” she murmurs in surprise. Now she’s the one treading lightly. Leah is visibly affected by the memory, trying to keep her face composed. Rachel isn’t fooled.

“Well…” she says slowly, “What happened when you got home?”

Leah smacks her lips together ruefully. “Oh, it was one of my finest moments, let me tell you,” she spits sarcastically. Rachel waits for her to continue, her full attention captured. Leah runs her hand through her hair.

“Picture this,” she waves her hands in gesture. “After literally picking me up off the floor, he carries me to my place, and puts me to bed. After helping me change, I’m now laying there half-naked, ready willing and able, and think he might be feeling it to…so… I kiss him and ask if he wants to stay.” Leah takes a long gulp of her drink slamming it down in front of her.

“To which he promptly shuts me down with a ‘no’...then I fall asleep and he leaves.”

Rachel’s breath catches as Leah’s voice begins to shake slightly. Giving her a time to compose herself, neither speak for a moment. Suddenly, Rachel pushes her stool back and stands. “Okay, you know what? No…fuck this bullshit…we’re not going to do this.” Leah looks at her wide-eyed, as Rachel hurriedly gestures for her to stand up.

“What aren’t we doing?”

“Get the fuck up. We are not going to sit here with this fucking ‘woe-is-me’ bullshit. Both of us are too fucking young and hot to be whining over guys that aren’t worth it. They aren’t our only options, and I think we need to remind ourselves of that.” Rachel glances at her phone, then looks up.

“Let’s go home and change. Meet me in the Pit in fifteen minutes...”

“We can’t go anywhere…Erudite issued the warning to stay indoors. We can’t leave the faction,” she reminds her. Rachel gives her a slight wink. “Here’s the thing about Dauntless…we actually like weather like this. Everyone gets a little stir crazy inside, and shit can get wild. We’re going to go have some fun.”

Leah shakes her head in bewilderment, as they slide their jackets on. Rachel lifts her chin.

“Another thing we do at Dauntless…we get over someone by getting under someone else. So let’s get to it.”

* * *

 “What the fuck was that…” Logan wonders aloud, as they watch Eric stomp across the Pit.

The guys all shake their heads in bewilderment. Logan lights up his cigarette, glancing at Brady. “What’s their deal, anyway?”

Brady shrugs, taking another sip of his beer. “Who the fuck knows, man. After that little shit-fit he just had, I’d say they got their shit straight. But it might be different an hour from now…I can’t fucking keep up. He was on the warpath, until her birthday." 

“What exactly happened?” Jason asks. Sebastian just shakes his head slightly.

“Don’t know. He just said that Jade found out about Sawyer fucking around, and thought he had something to do with it.”

“How would Coulter have something to do with that? How’d she find out anyway?”

“I don’t know. He really didn’t want to get into it.”

Sebastian smirks as he leans over the railing. “I don’t blame him for losing his shit…Jade Crawford is not exactly a piece of ass I’d let go so easily…” Logan tips his jaw at him with a leering grin. “Yeah, and I guess you would know, wouldn’t you…” The guys all chuckle, while Brady whips his head to face Sebastian. “You fucked Jade before?” He asks in surprise.  Sebastian smirks as he puffs on his cigarette.

“Maybe...”

“Shit…does Coulter know?”

Sebastian ashes his cigarette with a shrug. “I don’t know if he does or not…it was only once. Besides, it was a long, and I mean, _long_ time ago, before Coulter was even in Dauntless or knew Jade. Shit like that isn’t a big deal…pretty much everyone here has fucked at some point in time. Not something I feel the need to go into detail about.”

He takes a swig of beer. “Not like I keep a fucking tally…too long of a list. Once a bitch was off my dick I usually forgot all about her,” he laughs, the guys joining in. Taking another drag, he turns his attention back to the Pit below.

What he conveniently forgets to mention, is that Jade is different. He’ll always remember her…because Jade was the first one _ever_ on his dick…even if he never told her, or anyone else that.

Logan smirks as he takes another drag of his cigarette. “So does that mean Rachel Carlisle is fair game?” he starts to tease, but stops when Sebastian’s face immediately hardens.

“Fuck no...she’s mine.”

Taking notice of the edge in his tone, the guys all glance at each other in astonishment. Logan puts his hands up in mock surrender “Bro, it was a fucking joke…lighten up.” Sebastian exhales slowly.

“Joking or not, don’t even think about it…I’ll fuck up anyone stupid enough to try.”

They’re all at a loss for words. Sebastian is a known philanderer of Dauntless women, as he’s never bothered to hide it. There’ve been many times he’s woken up and not remembered whose bed he was in, from whomever he went home with the night before. He’s taken full advantage of almost every female Reserve in the system…often two of them at the same time, sometimes three…and almost every guy here has at least one salacious story they can share about him.

He’s also correct, in that he forgets all about them after they’ve served their purpose. Many a Dauntless woman has waited for a text or call that never came…and never will, because she was out of sight and out of mind. To hear him actually claim Rachel as his, is not expected.

 “You two are together?” Jason queries. Sebastian nods, taking a sip of beer. “Have been for a while …and I get why Coulter’s freaking out over Jade. I’d be the same way if Rachel were out at Amity, around a bunch of horny fucks that’ve been staring at the same used up snatch they’ve probably fucked stupid a thousand times. It wouldn’t surprise me if Coulter went out there to get her. I’d do the same fucking thing, if it were Rachel.” He notices the questioning looks on his friends’ faces, and shrugs. “Rachel’s different. It’s time to get serious about shit, too.” He gestures toward Jason.

“I know you know what I mean…same reason you’re going to marry Samantha.”

Jason thinks for a moment, then shrugs in agreement. Seeing the confusion on Brady and Logan’s faces, he begins to explain.

“We’re Dauntless...we do dangerous shit. That stash house had enough ammo and guns to kill every one of us. If that went bad, some of us might not be here right now. Some of us are the last, or first of our family name in the faction…which means it if we die, so does our name. I should know…my old man died when I was baby. If he hadn’t been with my mom when he was, I wouldn’t be here.” 

Jason takes a sip of his beer. “Not to mention, if I have to knock someone up, I’d rather it be my own choice. I’ll be damned if I get stuck with some bitch I don’t want and can’t stand from the lottery. That shit would be embarrassing,” he agrees.

“Embarrassing how?” Logan asks.

Sebastian shrugs. “Because of where we are in the Dauntless hierarchy. What would it look like, as a fucking Commander, that I couldn’t land anyone on my own, some bullshit system had to pick for me? I don’t fucking think so…I’m just glad I found the one I want early.”

“Rachel Carlisle is it?”

“Sure as fuck is…”  
“How do you know?”

“Haven’t been with anyone else since her…haven’t wanted anyone but her...that’s a huge fucking sign she’s the one,” Sebastian laughs.

Logan nearly chokes on his beer. “Fucking liar,” he laughs, narrowing his eyes and grinning. Ashing his cigarette, he points his beer bottle toward him. “We all saw you with Tiffany, the night of Jade’s birthday…I thought that bitch was going to suck your cock right there in front of everyone. There was a bet going,” he chuckles, as Sebastian scoffs. 

“Tiffany? As in Tiffany Rogers? No fucking thank you…actually did fuck her once, and I’ll never do it again. That bitch is crazy…can’t take a hint, either. Thought it was more than it was…didn’t end well.”

“How so?” 

Sebastian grins while turning his palm up. “She thought it would be continued beyond that night, I made it clear she was just three holes and a heartbeat to me…nothing more. She’s fucking persistent, I’ll give her that. She tries every so often, and I always shut her down.”

Suddenly Sebastian stops laughing as something dawns on him. His eyes dart to the side as his mouth rounds slightly. “Oh fuck,” he swears, tossing his empty beer in the trash. His face twists into a scowl, as he places his hands on the rail.

“What’s a matter?” Jason asks. 

Sebastian doesn’t answer right away, then turns around. “It makes sense now,” he growls. They all wait for him to continue, as Sebastian rubs his chin.

“Rachel’s been acting weird ever since that night. I haven’t seen her in a few days, but I thought that was just because I’ve been busy. She won’t answer her fucking phone, and one-word answers to texts.” 

His jaw clenches, as he exhales. “She probably thinks I fucked that slut…that’s why she left with Leah…son of a bitch…”

“I thought you took her home that night?”

“I did…council got called early while she was still sleeping, and she was gone when I got back. She never said why she took off.  I thought she was afraid I was going to be mad she left, and I was…but now she’s avoiding me…”

Sebastian pulls out his phone as he starts to head toward the stairs. “I have some shit to handle…I’ll see you guys later,” he calls over his shoulder. They all watch him quickly hurry through the Pit, a look of determination set on his face.

Logan puffs on his cigarette, scouring below for potential prospects. “Well…that escalated quickly,” he jokes as he exhales. Finishing his beer, he shrugs. “I guess I just don’t get it, because it’s not that serious. I’m just trying to get my dick sucked, not decide the rest of my life.”

Brady and Jason both chuckle, as Logan turns back to them. “Since we’re all stuck here tonight, what’s going on around here? Anything?” Shaking his head, Jason pulls out his phone. “Don’t know…Samantha’s on shift tonight, so I have some time to kill.” Looking up with a smug smile, he snaps his phone closed. “You guys want to head over to the Reserve ward? After the day I had…beer and bitches sounds pretty fucking good right now. Besides,” he cups his hand to light a cigarette, “I’ve got a specific one in mind.” Logan raises his brow.

“Who?”

“Kristen Michaels…she was sweeping the garage this morning, and I could not keep my eyes off that ass.”  
“Oh shit…she’s a Reserve?”

“Fuck yeah…since my girl’s occupied, I don’t want this opportunity to go to waste.”

Jason tips his chin. “You guys coming?” Brady shakes his head no. There’s only one woman he wants, and has some work to do tonight as well. Sipping his beer, he becomes lost in thought. It seems Leah is making herself scarce, as he’s not been able to reach her since the night of Jade’s birthday. He’s called, he’s texted….and nothing. He needs talk to her, and set her straight on what his true intentions were. She thinks he rejected her, when all he wanted to do was wait for the right time. 

Finishing his beer, he tunes back in to the conversation going on with Logan and Jason.

“…Nah, I’m in the mood for something a little different….”

“Pussy is pussy, man…”

“Yeah, but it’s the same used up pussy that’s been there since they failed initiation. I want something a little…wait a second…hold up…” 

Logan suddenly trains his gaze below them to the main floor. They all look to see what caught his attention, and Brady’s jaw immediately clenches.

Leah is making her way through the Pit, dressed in tight jeans and a slinky black halter top that leaves little to the imagination. Her shiny, chestnut-colored locks flow freely down the golden-bronzed, bare skin of her back. As she passes by, a crowd of male heads ripple in her direction. Brady’s heart begins to beat faster, as she stops for a minute, pulling out her phone.

She’s looking down, completely oblivious to the whiplash effect she just caused in the Pit.

“Jesus Christ,” Logan mutters, not paying attention to the warning look Brady is shooting at him. He slowly rises and grips the railing. Jason looks between him and Brady, an amused grin starting to spread. Logan is clearly not aware that Brady has his eye on Leah, but Jason is. He also knows nothing has come of it yet. 

“That’s the Candor transfer, right? Jade’s friend…Laura, or something like it?” Logan asks.

“Leah,” Brady snaps, but Logan still isn’t picking up on his tone.

Just then, Rachel appears from one of the tunnels, dressed as equally provocative as Leah. Several heads turn as they link their arms together, hurrying through another tunnel. A weight drops in Brady’s stomach, as he realizes these two are clearly on a mission…and as beautiful as Leah looks right now, there’ll be no shortage of volunteers to help her accomplish it.

He has to make certain he gets to her first.

Logan lets out his breath. “That’ll fucking do,” he murmurs in a low tone, his eyes still watching Leah until she and Rachel move out of sight. Brady’s nostrils flare as his chest puffs out slightly.

Jason licks his lips, as a wicked smirk pulls at his mouth Perhaps Brady could use some motivation.

“Well, you’d be the first to do it ….” Jason suggests, giving Brady a pointed look. Still not picking up on the death glare Brady is leveling at him, Logan turns to Jason.

“What do you mean?”

“Samantha says she hasn’t been with anyone in Dauntless since she got here.” They all glance at each other, confused. “You mean she hasn’t _dated_ anyone since she’s been here,” Logan tries to clarify. Jason shakes his head. 

“No….I mean she hasn’t been with anyone in _any_ sense since she’s been here.”

Logan’s eyes round in disbelief. “Shut the fuck up… _that_ is walking around, untapped?”

“Yep…because someone is a pussy that can’t close the deal….” Jason nods toward Brady, who’s now set his beer down and stepped closer. Quickly seeing this is about to get out of hand, Jason can’t help but laugh as Logan finally takes notice of Brady’s hardened stare and clenched jaw. “yeah…you might want to back the fuck off here bro,” Jason chuckles, as understanding finally dawns on Logan.

“Oh shit man...why didn’t you say something?”

Brady relaxes his jaw, taking a deep breath. “I’m saying it now…off fucking limits,” he snaps, but with a slight smile. He tosses his beer in the trash, heading for the stairs. “I myself have some shit to handle…I’ll see you guys later.”

Pulling out his phone, he checks the time. It’s still evening, and Erudite issued the warning, so she can’t leave the compound. If he has to, he’ll search the entire faction until he finds her…he’s going to make things right with her one way or the other.

Tonight.

* * *

 

 “Seems everyone had the same idea tonight,” Rachel says as they navigate through the sea of Dauntless.

Leah jumps out of the way just in time, as blood splatters into the crowd. “Shit,” Rachel mumbles with a giggle, as they do a quick survey.  The two men in the ring continue to pummel each other, to the crowd’s roaring approval.

All of Dauntless seemed to have gathered in the Training room, drinking and placing bets on the fights. Several are lined up, waiting their turn and pumping each other up. As Leah and Rachel begin to make their way to the front, one of the fighters, Brad, glances at Rachel and stops for a moment. Holding his gaze, Rachel licks her lips slightly. Capitalizing on the distraction, Luke, his opponent, promptly delivers a devastating left hook that knocks him off his feet. 

One of the Dauntless serving as referee holds Luke’s arm up, as he pumps his fist in victory. Leah nudges Rachel, shaking her head. “That was your fault, you know,” She giggles, as Rachel feigns innocence. “What are you talking about,” she giggles, taking another sip of her beer.

“I didn’t do anything…I’m just sitting her watching the fight like everyone else.”

“You’re watching the fight, while giving ‘fuck-me’ eyes to one of the fighters…you got credits on the other guy or something?”

Rachel grins devilishly, quirking her brow. “No…I’m just having a little fun. I’m bored,” she laughs. Leah shakes her head ruefully, taking another sip of beer. As Brad is slowly brought to his feet, Rachel blows him a kiss with an apologetic shrug. He narrows his eyes, but smiles.

“Well, at least there are a few potentials here tonight,” Leah says as the next two opponents take the ring. 

Rachel glances over Leah’s shoulder. “Actually…it looks like you might’ve been chosen already…” She gestures behind her with her beer bottle. Leah turns to see Sean, a Candor transfer from her initiation class, making his way toward them. “He’s not bad,” Rachel whispers as he gets near. Leah shrugs with a slight smile. She and Sean have been friends for years, and it would never be anything more.

“Hey Leah,” he greets as he reaches them, giving her a quick hug. “Hey.” Leah smiles at him, returning his hug. He stands closer than he needs to, sipping his beer.

"How you been? Haven't seen you in a while."

"Good, just been busy." 

Leah looks to Rachel, holding out her hand. “Sean, this is my friend Rachel,” she introduces, as Rachel gives him a flirtatious smile. “Nice to meet you,” he says as he shakes her hand. “Likewise. Leah, I’m going to grab another drink…I’ll be back in a little bit,” she says as she glances between them, arching her brow suggestively. Leah silently shakes her head.

And they say the Candor aren’t subtle.

“So what’ve you been up to? Where do you work now?” Leah asks as she turns back to him.

“Transport security. With all the attacks happening recently, the Amity have to be accompanied by Dauntless while delivering food. How about you?”

“I’m in clothing and uniform allocation…I make everything we wear,” she answers with a smile.

As they chat for a little bit, a strange feeling comes over her. It’s almost as if it’s gripping her whole body, and she feels it in every fiber of her being. Glancing around her, she doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, but feels as if something is about to happen. Chalking it up to an overactive imagination, she forces herself to turn her attention back to Sean, who’s prattling on about something, thankfully oblivious that she wasn’t paying attention to a word he said. 

“I actually have to go, I just wanted to say hi,” he finally says, leaning in and giving her another hug. “Okay, I’ll see you around.” As he smiles at her and turns around, she feels a slight pang of guilt at having been so rude. Looking around for Rachel, she finally spots her talking to Brad by the side of the ring. Leah chuckles to herself.

Looks like Rachel is going to fulfill two purposes tonight….getting over Sebastian by making it up to Brad for causing him to lose the fight. Oh well, she thinks. At least one of them is going to get laid.

Deciding not to interrupt Rachel and her intended conquest for the evening, she looks down and sees her beer is almost empty. She makes her way across the room, reaching the area where the booze has been stacked. She leans over the shelf on the other side to see an empty box, to her dismay.  Scowling, she looks up and sees a fresh bottle just out of her reach stacked on the wall. Leah stands on the very tips of her toes, straining in to grasp it. Her fingers brush the bottom of the bottle, but she can't quite get it.. Leah bites her lip and tries to reach farther.

“Allow me," Brady’s deep, smooth voice purrs in her ear suddenly.

Leah’s heart plunges into her stomach. She turns to see him reach up and grab the bottle easily, while placing his other hand on the small of her back. “Brady…hi,” she finally manages to squeak out. His sea-green eyes cloud with determination as he nods. “Oh…so you do remember me. I was starting to think you forgot.” His tone holds only a small trace of humor as he hands her the bottle.

Not quite knowing what to say, she takes it from him gingerly. "Thanks…” He doesn’t say anything, just continues to gaze at her, with a slight hint of anger in his eyes. Blushing furiously, her hands shake slightly as she takes a sip. “So…you here to watch the fights?” she finally asks, cursing the stupidity of her question. What the fuck else would he be doing here, she silently berates herself. Slightly amused at her nervousness, holds her gaze for a moment. 

“No, I didn’t…I came here to find you,” he states.

He steps closer, eyes searching her face. “Come with me…I need to talk to you.” Leah swallows nervously, desperately trying to find her voice. Forcing a casual smile to her face, she shrugs apologetically.

“Uhmm…okay…but I came here with Rachel…I need to find her and let her know…”

Leah trails off as Brady shakes his head. Not smiling, he reaches down and takes her free hand. “Send her a text. Let’s go.”   

Before she can protest, he begins to steer them through the crowd. Leah keeps in step with him, not certain what’s going on or what is even happening. Finally, Brady guides her to a secluded table near the exit of the room. Leah sits down and crosses her legs, glancing around.

She knows he’s going to want an explanation for the other night, and she just doesn’t know what to say…so she hasn’t said anything. She hasn’t answered his calls or texts, and avoided him at all costs. She doesn’t want to admit that she’s not only horribly embarrassed, but hurt by his rejection.

But it seems Brady has decided it’s time to clear the air…and he’s not giving her a choice in the matter. There’s a certain charged feeling between them, and she feels a warm sensation starting to stir in the pit of her stomach. Brady licks his lips slightly, letting his eyes rove over her.

"You look amazing tonight," he murmurs as he grazes her shoulder, bringing his eyes back up to hers. Slightly relieved, she gives him a pretty smile. 

“Thanks…just something I threw on,” she says coyly, taking a sip. Brady shakes his head.

“Somehow I doubt that. You have no idea how many fights you almost caused by walking through the Pit like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you and Rachel are clearly on a mission…and if it’s purpose was to piss me off, you certainly succeeded.”

Leah shakes her head with a bewildered smile. "What? Why would you say that?" Brady holds her gaze for a moment, giving her goose bumps. He pulls her in closer, his eyes flicking to her lips.

“You’re not stupid, Leah. You know exactly why I would say that.”

Leah’s mouth opens and closes, completely caught off guard. “Brady…” she trails off. Swallowing nervously, she shakes her head with a puzzled smile.

“Well…I haven’t talked to you in a while, so I don’t know…”

Brady’s expression suddenly hardens, as his jaw clenches. “Yeah, about that.” Pulling his phone out, he looks down for a moment as he dials. A second later, Leah feels her own phone vibrating. She pulls it out to see his code identifier. Looking up at him with a confused smile, she knits her brows together.

“You just called me…”

“Yeah, I did….like I’ve been doing for a few days now with no response.”

Her heart beats faster, as he leans in.  “There’s obviously nothing wrong with your phone….so why aren’t you picking up…” He all but demands in a low voice.

Leah desperately tries to think of something, but her mind is completely blank. Brady waits for her answer, never breaking eye contact. Finally looking away with a sigh, she tries to put together a plausible excuse. Brady’s finger hooks under her chin. Turning her face back to his, he’s now close enough that she can feel his breath. 

“Leah…what’s going on? Why are you avoiding me?”

Her chest rises and falls, as their gazes lock.  _Fuck it_ , she thinks to herself. Since there’s no non-awkward way to have this conversation, she might as well just tell him the truth. Taking a deep breath, she again tears her eyes away while picking up her drink.

“Look,” she begins in a soft tone. “I just didn’t know what to say, but I guess I’ll start with an apology.” She knocks back the contents of her glass. Brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, she tries to calm her nerves before turning to face him. 

“I apologize for putting you in the position I did. I drank a little more than I should’ve that night, and I wasn’t quite myself. I don’t normally have to be carried home…and I definitely don’t try to force myself on good Samaritans either,” she laughs, then stops when Brady doesn’t say anything.

He holds her gaze for a moment, then lifts both his brows as he tilts his head to the side. Leah’s pulse begins to race as he shifts toward her fully, his tattooed arm coming to rest on the back of her chair. “Well...” he begins slowly, his eyes traveling the length of her body, then coming back to hers.

“You do owe me an apology, but not for that.”

Goosebumps ripple her flesh, as his fingers graze the bare skin of her back. Her breath hitches in her chest, as his eyes flick to her lips. “Okay…then for what do I need to apologize?” Several rushed moments pass between them, then Brady licks his lips.  “I have a list, actually,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper.

“For starters, you left without telling me…when I had plans that night. That was your first offense. Then, you fucking tortured me… being as beautiful as you are, laying on your bed half-naked…and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it, because you were too drunk. That brings us to strike three,” his smile fades and his jaw clenches. Brady leans in closer, his hand coming to rest on her bare thigh. 

“You thought the way to un-fuck the situation was to avoid me…which kind of pisses me off more. This could’ve been cleared up simply by you answering your fucking phone. But the icing on the cake…”

“I come down here, and find some fucking jerk-off all over you. That’s a fucking problem…if he hadn’t walked away when he did, I probably would’ve kicked his teeth in.” 

Thunderstruck, her mouth rounds slightly as they stare at each other. Fire starts to simmer in her belly, as she finally finds her voice. “That’s…quite a list,” she breathes, a smile pulling at her lips. He doesn’t return it, and it drains from her face. “Yeah…it fucking is…and I’d say you have a lot to make up for,” he says in a low, rich voice filled with promise.

Leah feels her heart almost beating out of her chest. She looks down for a moment, then back at him. "Well,” She begins in a husky tone, “I certainly wasn't trying to make you jealous, and I didn't mean to almost cause a brawl. I guess you just haven’t made yourself very clear, is all.” She feels a small satisfaction as Brady’s pupils blow open wide.

“I haven’t made myself clear?” he asks incredulously. “Did you miss the part where I chased your gorgeous ass all the way from Oak Street back to Dauntless and made certain you got home? Do you think I do that for just anyone?”

Feeling a sudden boldness come over her, Leah purses her lips while leaning in closer. “No…I didn’t miss that part…I also didn’t miss the part where you shot me down, when I wanted you to stay. Did you miss that?” she challenges. Leah leans back and crosses her arms, trying to put a little distance between them. Brady is having none of that, though.

A small gasp escapes her as Brady suddenly locks both hands on her waist. “Here’s a wild fucking theory,” he growls as he pulls her toward him.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t want the first time I was with you to be when you were too fucked up to remember it? Believe me Leah…” anger seeps into his tone as he levels her with his glare. “…it took every single ounce of willpower I had, not to take the rest of your clothes off and fuck you senseless…but not when you were drunk and there was a chance you’d regret it…which is what I meant when I said that. I wasn’t saying no…I was saying not right at that moment. But I guess you didn’t think of it that way.”

Speechless, Leah remains frozen in his gaze. Taking a deep breath, she looks down for a moment, then places her hand over his. “It seems I misread the situation,” she whispers as she runs her thumb over his knuckles. Brady inhales sharply, touching his forehead to hers. 

“Yeah, you fucking did,” he rumbles. “I’ve waited long enough. We’re leaving, so I can erase any other misunderstanding we have.”

He runs his thumb over her lip. Leah puckers her mouth in a kiss, lowering her lids. His other hand finds its way to her thigh, sending a quiver through her lower abdomen. Neither are in the mood to play games, so she cuts straight to the chase. 

"Your place or mine?" Leah whispers. "Yours," he whispers back immediately, kissing behind her ear. Slowly uncrossing her legs, Leah slides off her chair gracefully. Brady stands, looming over her for a moment. He laces his fingers with hers, and they both feel the electric current flow between them as they make their way out of the training room.

Looks like her dry spell is going to be broken sooner than she thought.

She tries to control her nerves as they step on the elevator. _What's with me?_  She asks herself silently. _I’m hardly a virgin. Far from it._ But still… it’s the first time in a long time, and no guy she’s ever been with affected her like this.

She presses for her floor. No sooner has she turned toward Brady before he connects his mouth with hers, pinning her to the wall. She moans against him as he runs his large hands over her waist and hips, then to the underside of her breast, all while kissing the bare skin of her shoulder and neck. Leah returns his kisses with equal fervor, then she gets bold. She runs her hand over his muscled chest, down over his abdomen, then strokes the part of him that she wants most right now. Brady looks down at her with lowered lids, his breath labored.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to wait much longer. I want you so fucking bad," he rasps.

"Believe me, that goes both ways," she whispers back.

Just then, the elevator doors swing open, and they step out onto her floor, their hands never leaving each other. Leah pulls her keys out of her pocket, as Brady nips his way from her neck to her ear, as she unlocks her door. As soon as they step inside, Brady lifts her into his arms, kicking the door closed with his heel.

Cupping the back of his head, she roughly brings her mouth to his. Brady hoists her higher, as he carries her to her bedroom. Collapsing on her bed in a tangled pile of limbs, Brady’s mouth devours her neck as he rids her of her jeans. Trying to pull her shirt off, he gets frustrated when it doesn’t budge. Leah laughs as she sees he’s about to rip it off and be done.

“Hold on,” she giggles as she slides out from under him.

Brady sits up, watching her with openly greedy lust as she reaches for the hidden side zipper. Reaching up and unclasping the fastener at her neck, she lets it fall to the floor slowly, her eyes never leaving his. His chest starts heaving, as his eyes rover over her body, wearing nothing but the thin black lace covering what he’s dreamt about for so long.

No longer able to control himself, he reaches for her. His large, warm hands move down her waist, over the curve of her hips, then down to her thighs and ass. He looks up, and her nerves fall away as their eyes connect.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispers.

The sincerity of his words make her shiver. With their eyes locked, he runs his hands back over her thighs, to gently pull down the lace straps at her hips. Leah closes her eyes and throws her head back, feeling his mouth laving attention on one breast while he massages the other. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she grips the back of his head as he moves his lips in a wet trail over her stomach and hips.

Reaching down, she pulls his shirt over his head. Taking both sides of his face, she pulls his head back and crashes her lips down on his. Kissing him deeply, her tongue massages his slowly. With a deep groan in his chest, he wraps his arms around her waist, rolling her on her back on the mattress.

He runs his mouth in a hot trail down her body, the sensation making her whole body come alive. Spreading her legs farther apart, he nips the inside of her thighs, in a slow torture. “Ohhh…” Leah moans, as she finally feels his mouth move between her legs.

As his tongue plunges inside of her, Leah begins to feel her legs start to shake. He’s slow at first, then gradually increases the tempo of his stroke. Without warning he clamps down on her clit and begins to suckle hard, while reaching up and grasping both of her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers.

Her need to feel him inside her is almost more than she can stand. Clutching the bedsheets, she arches her back while her breath comes in pants. Sitting up, she grips the back of his head. “Brady,” she whispers brokenly, “Please…” He grins at her plea, shaking his head. His eyes are raging with lust, and something else she can’t quite place.

“Not yet…” he whispers back, once more moving his mouth to her core.

He strokes and strokes, showing no mercy. As Leah begins to see stars, a familiar tingle slowly spreads its way from the tip of her toes, to the top of her head. “Brady!” she cries out, as her release comes hard and fast, making her whole body shake.  

Feeling as if she were about to pass out, she opens her eyes to see him ridding himself of his jeans. Leah bites her lip in anticipation, as he slowly sinks over her. Winding his hands in her hair, they both gasp as he finally pushes inside of her.  

Holy fucking shit, she thinks to herself. She feels every inch of Brady’s cock inside her, and her eyes roll back in her head. Brady scrunches his eyes as he brings his mouth to hers.

“You feel so fucking good,” he rasps as they begin to move in sync.

Her legs wrap around his waist as he rocks into her. As the urgency builds between them, Leah flips him over on his back. Slowly sinking back down on his cock, he grunts as she starts to swivel her hips. Brady closes his eyes and grits his teeth, reaching up and kneading her breasts as she rocks over him.

Leah closes her eyes, throwing her head back and moving furiously, desperate to bring both of them off. Before long, Brady sits up and brings his mouth to hers, wrapping his arms around her waist. Both fight for dominance, with Leah temporarily succeeding. Pushing him down, she flips around to face away from him.

Brady grab her hair with one hand and her hip with the other as she begins to buck her hips again. He takes control after a while, sitting up and wrapping his arm around her waist and moving her hair to the side. Leah wraps both arms around his neck behind her, as he surges into her with no restraint.

“Oh fuck,” she says in a strangled whisper, as they perfect their rhythm. 

Brady cups her chin and turns her face to his as they move, their mouths connecting. Leah eventually faces him, as he wraps his arms around her and brings her back down to the bed. Rolling her on her back, he thrusts into her hard, with Leah meeting him all the way. Finally, they both shatter into a million pieces.

Brady grips her hips as he comes, throwing his head back and feeling like his very soul is pouring out of him. Eventually collapsing over her, they lay entwined in hazy, blissful state. Leah scrapes her nails over the nape of his neck, as he kisses her throat softly. Propping himself up on his forearms, he gazes down at her as their hearts pound in unison.

“Goddamn,” he says finally, a grin breaking out over both their faces. Leah can’t help but laugh.

“Thanks…I think?”

“Sorry…I’m not that great with words,” he laughs.

Leah giggles, pecking a kiss on his jaw. “If I wanted to fuck a wordsmith, I’d go to Erudite. I know what you meant, I was just kidding.” Running her hands up his muscled back, her eyes search his for a moment. “I just hope you found it worth the wait,” she whispers. Brady stifles his smirk as he pretends to shrug. 

“Eh…it was all right,” he teases as she narrows her eyes. “Fuck you,” she laughs as she sits up. Brady pulls her back down with a grin, as she pretends to glare. “Fine..” he whispers as he begins to nip at her neck. “That’s the best I’ve had in Dauntless.” Leah purses her lips with a smile, giving him the same mocking shrug.

“Well, you’re the only one I’ve had in Dauntless, so back at you,” she laughs as he moves over her again. Brady wraps his arms around her as he begins to kiss her neck, taking a deep breath.

If he has it his way, they’ll never be another for her to compare it to.  


	28. Mind Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeanine crosses a major line with Eric, and war is declared. We find out what exactly Jeanine wants from the Crawford women and why they’re considered so valuable in Dauntless…as Jade and Tamra go under simulation. Jade gets a little naughty with Eric.
> 
> Warnings: Language, smut, violence, implied intent of sexual assault, common phobias that may contain triggers. This chapter is also long AF. Enjoy!
> 
> -Emmy

* * *

As I step out of the shower, my phone is glowing on the counter. Pressing ‘accept’, I shift the phone between my ear and shoulder.

“Hi Mom…”

“Hey baby girl…I was wondering if we could reschedule our dinner tonight.”

“Sure…everything okay?”

“Yeah…just something kind of…came up, and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind.”

My full attention is captured. Tamra sounds a tad bit anxious. “Yeah, mom sure…we can do dinner another night. Can I ask what’s going on?” Tamra takes a deep breath, and I myself start to feel nervous for some reason. “Mom, are you okay? What is it?” Tamra breathes into the phone, and the hair on the back of my neck rises.

“Yes, honey I’m fine…I just…I sort of have a date.”

I’m glad we’re on the phone, so she can’t see my shocked expression. My mom hasn’t been on a date since…well…I can’t remember the last time. Finally finding my voice, I sit on my bed. A long silence has fallen between us, and I can tell she was nervous to tell me.

“Mom…that’s great! With who?”

“Mason Harper…” Tamra says after a moment, breathing a sigh of relief. My brow arches in surprise.

“Mason Harper…as in Jaxon Harper’s dad?”

“That’s the one…”

“When did that happen?”

Tamra pauses for a moment. “Well…he was a transfer from Candor in my initiation, and he’s always had a little crush on me. I was with your father by then, and you were on the way soon after, so nothing ever came of it. He ended up with Jaxon’s mom not long after, so that was that. But…he’s been coming around the Armory more to inspect the weapons, so he and I have sort of been talking. Tonight is his only night off, and he asked if I wanted to grab a bite with him. But I can cancel if you want me to…” I immediately shake my head with a wry smirk.

“Absolutely not…and don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t look for an excuse not to go. I think it’s fantastic that you might’ve found someone…I’ve been waiting for this for a while…”

“It’s just dinner, Jade. Don’t start calling him ‘Dad’ just yet.”

Chuckling, I press the phone to my ear with a smile. “Sorry, I just got excited. I’m glad you’re finally doing this. Go, have a blast, and don’t give me another thought. I hope you have fun, and I hope it has a happy ending….” I imagine Tamra pursing her lips, as I can’t contain my laughter.

“Okay, now it’s weird…”

“What’s weird?”

“It’s weird that my daughter just told me she hopes I get laid.”

“Yeah, well…that’s just my way of saying I love you.”

We both giggle. “All right then…I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning?” she asks. I knit my brows in confusion.

“Tomorrow morning? Did we have plans?”

“This thing with Jeanine. I was instructed to be in the garage tomorrow morning to go with you to Erudite.”

“Instructed by whom?”

“Max’s assistant...apparently, Jeanine won’t take no for an answer, and now I don’t have a choice.”

Tamra sighs, as I frown simultaneously. “What’s this all about? What the hell would Jeanine want with me?” she wonders aloud. Shaking my head, I fall back on my bed. “I have no fucking clue… she’s really being weird about it. She has total hard-on for me for reasons that escape me, and to save my fucking life, I can’t figure out what they are,” I all but snap, my frustration evident.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out tomorrow,” Tamra finally says.

“Yeah, I guess. But enough of that. Go…have a good night, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Okay…love you baby girl.”

“Love you too, mom.”

After we hang up, a complete chill goes down my spine. Running a hand through my hair, I can’t shake the bad feelings that are washing over me. It’s one thing if Jeanine has an interest in me, but now she’s messing with my mom. Though Jeanine is like a block of ice, I’m intuitive enough to know she has some sort of ulterior motive for getting both of us to Erudite…and I know it can’t be good. Scowling at myself in the mirror, I can’t figure it out.

I don’t like being on that bitch’s radar…and I don’t know how I even got there in the first place.

* * *

 

My phone beeps with a text as I’m about to head to the Pit. Smiling as I see Eric’s code, I open his message.

-What time will you be home?

-I’m already home

-I thought you were doing something with your mom?

-I was…she had to cancel

-So WHERE ARE YOU?

-At home, like I said…

My phone immediately rings, and I roll my eyes as I accept. “Where the fuck are you, Jade?” he demands in a low voice. Sighing in exasperation, I throw my hands in the air.

“What part of I’m at home, is apparently confusing the fuck out of you?”

“Because you’re not…

“What do you mean I’m not?”

“I’m mean I’m standing in the fucking living room, and you are not here…so where the fuck are you?”

My breath catches, as a tingle goes through me. “Eric…I’m home…at my place,” I whisper, suddenly feeling strange. He inhales sharply, and I clear my throat. Since we came back from Amity, things have somewhat gone to the next level. Admitting that Eric and I are in an official relationship has kicked things into high gear, moving at warp speed.

Though technically not living together, I’ve been at his place almost every single night. I’ve been added to the security code to his penthouse, and more and more of my stuff has somehow been accumulating. Instead of complaining like I thought he would, he cleared space in his massive closet, though I pretend not to have noticed. Apparently, when I say ‘home’, he automatically assumes that to be his place.

But I’m still not ready to take that step yet.

“I thought you were meeting with the Candor leaders tonight,” I quickly change the subject. He doesn’t speak for a moment, then lets out his breath.

“I was supposed to…but they cancelled. Something within their faction.”

“Oh…”

“So, my evening is free, and I want you here in 10 minutes.”

I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “And if I made other plans?” I challenge. I hate it when he talks to me like this…like just because we’re dating he thinks he owns me. I don’t answer to anyone whose name isn’t Tamra or Max. 

“Stop arguing with me just to argue. I just want to see you…”

“Then say that, don’t bark at me like I’m one of your fucking guards. That shit doesn’t work anyway.”

“What doesn’t?”

“Your ‘pissed-off-Daddy’ voice. That might work on initiates, but not me. I’m not scared of you…”

Eric breathes into the phone. “Believe me, Jade…I know you aren’t.” My grin fades, hearing the strange tone in his voice. I’m not in the mood to pick a fight, and I was only kidding anyway, so I decide to drop it. “I’ll be there in a few,” I say casually, gracefully rising from my bed. We hang up, and I make my way to the elevator.

A few minutes later, I get off on Eric’s floor and punch my code into the keypad. As I let myself in, I’m greeted by the distinct smell of fresh garlic bread. My mouth waters, as my stomach growls in response. I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and I’m starving. Spotting the bag of food on the counter, I begin to tear through it when I hear Eric yelling at someone in his study.

Making my way down the hall, I push the door open to find him seated at his desk. He looks up as I cross over to him, smirking slightly. Muting the conference line from his computer, he pulls me down for a quick kiss.

“Go ahead and eat…I’ll be there in a minute...”

“How long are you going to be?”

“I gotta deal with some bullshit from Amity…”

I give him another kiss, then silently make my way back toward the kitchen. As I’m about to dig into the manicotti, an idea suddenly springs to mind. Thinking back to the night I told Eric that Ayden and I were engaged, I remember how he reacted, by fucking me while on the phone. A wicked smile suddenly pulls at my lips.

Perhaps it’s time for a little payback.

Tiptoeing down the hall, I stifle my giggles as I lean in the doorframe. Eric is leaning back in his desk chair, wearing only a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He looks up, his signature scowl in place as he presses ‘mute’ on the conference line.

“What is it?”

Finally, I push myself off the frame, advancing toward him with a wicked grin. His eyes devour me greedily as I stand in front of him, my intentions now clear.  He shakes his head with a smirk. 

“No,” he states firmly, but his narrowed eyes and heaving chest tell a different story.

“No?” I repeat with feigned innocence, straddling his waist so that my long legs bookend his thighs. Trailing my fingers over his jaw, I bring my mouth to his in a deep, slow, sensual kiss. His hands gravitate over my back, then under my tank top as I move my mouth to his jawline.

“No,” he whispers as he pulls back, his large hand cupping my left breast. “I’m on a call with Amity security.”

My pulse races as he begins to nip at my neck, while his hands snake over my waist to grip my ass under my shorts. “Hmmm,” I breathe against his chin. Running my hands up his arms, I take both sides of his face in my palms. “In that case,” I whisper between kisses, “I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.” Nipping along his jaw, I start to go lower. Running my tongue in a wet trail over his neck tattoos, I slide to my knees in front of his chair.

“Sir…are you still there?” A voice rings through the speaker.

Eric curses under his breath. He unmutes the phone, looking down and signaling to be quiet. “Yeah, I’m here,” he snaps, his gaze transfixed on me. “It’s okay,” I mouth mockingly, wondering if he’s remembering the same moment I am. Waving my hand in gesture, I smack my lips together 

“Go ahead…talk.”

Before he can stop me, I silently kiss him again. Descending lower, I kiss my way from his neck, over his pecs, his abs, then finally to his waist. I pull the waistband of his pants down and reach for his dick. His pupils dilate to the point his eyes are almost black, as my gaze locks with his. Never breaking eye contact, I lick a wet strip up his entire length, then swallow him to the back of my mouth. A low, primal cry escapes from his chest as I place both hands on his thighs, increasing the pressure of my mouth.

As the commander blathers on about assigning extra patrols to ride the Amity transport train all day, I keep my eyes locked with Eric’s. His chest heaves as he watches me lick, suck, and gently twist him in my hand as I work. Eric leans his head back, closing his eyes. His breath whistles through his teeth as his abs start to clench, a telltale sign he’s getting close. He winds both of his hands into my hair as I go faster, deeper, showing no mercy.

“Sir…is something wrong with your line?” The commander suddenly snaps from the speaker. 

Eric gnashes his teeth together, glaring at the phone angrily. “No…and I heard…every…thing…assign two squads of…five…to…the…fuck…”

At that moment, Eric releases so hard his spine curls in his seat. Holding him firmly in my mouth, I wait until the last aftershock ripples through him before releasing his cock with a wet pop. His eyes narrow, the promise of retaliation evident in his gaze. “I’ll let you get back to business now,” I whisper with a wicked grin. 

Covering my mouth to stifle my giggles, I quickly rise and swiftly make my way through the door. Chuckling to myself, I make my plate. Just as I sit down at the kitchen island, I’m about to dig in when Eric storms out of his study. Making a beeline straight for me, I let out a squealing laugh as he jerks my chair around and wraps my legs around him.

“Can I at least put my food away so it doesn’t get cold first?” I murmur as I bite a kiss on his jaw. He lifts me into his arms and off my chair completely. “Fuck your food,” he growls back with a with a salacious grin. 

Our mouths connect as he carries me toward the bedroom. I pull his shirt over his head, running my hands over his tattooed chest as he lays me down. Tilting my head back, Eric’s lips trail over my throat and chin, as I stroke the back of his head. “Mmmm,” he murmurs against my throat. “I have been thinking about you all day,” he whispers against my ear. “And just what have you been thinking about?” I whisper back with a giggle, hooking my legs over his. He runs his hand over my thigh, sliding my shorts down the long length of my legs.

Eric kisses all over my neck, peeling my tank top off and discarding it by the side of the bed. “For starters…what you just did…” His gaze hardens, then he moves with lightning speed. Yelping as he abruptly grabs my waist, I find myself on my stomach. My hands instinctively shoot out in front of me, and Eric takes full opportunity.

“And now, doing this,” he whispers near my ear. “And since I can’t trust you to behave yourself…”

The next thing I know, my wrists are cuffed to the headboard.

“Fuck, I forgot you keep those there!” I laugh over my shoulder, feeling his chuckle against my back. “Never underestimate your opponent,” he rumbles.

Closing my eyes, a deep ball of fire gathers in my core. Eric’s lips travel from the base of my spine, to the sensitive spots between my shoulder blades and neck. “Ohhh…” Feeling his thick fingers circling my clit, the want pools in my belly. “I fucking love how wet you get,” he rumbles. Eric groans as the evidence of my arousal coats his fingers. With his nose brushing my cheek, he sticks his fingers in his mouth, licking them slowly.

“Tastes even better every time,” he rasps…then inserts his finger in my mouth. Gazing over my shoulder, I slowly suck his finger. “Good girl,” he whispers roughly. 

Gripping my ass firmly, he plunges into me without warning. “Fuck,” I breathe as he sets a hard, punishing rhythm. His teeth sink into my neck and I meet the pace all the way, until we both shatter into a million pieces. “Well, that’s one way to get me in line,” I giggle as he uncuffs me. He scoffs in amusement, rolling me on my back.

“Oh, we aren’t done yet…” My eyes light up in response, ignoring my growling stomach.

For the next hour or so, our bodies stay joined and our mutual desire raging out of control. Rabid lust eventually comes down to soft and sweet. After we both reach our final release, Eric pulls me into his arms to lay on his chest. I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck and shoulder, both of his arms wrapping around me. “I want to do this more often,” He whispers, giving me a fleeting kiss. I look at him with a questioning smile. “Do what? Fuck? I’d say we do that pretty often as it is." Eric just smirks, running hands down my back. 

“Stay in, is what I meant. We don’t have to go to the Pit every single night, and I like having you all to myself.” 

I smile, grazing his neck. “Yeah, well, see if you’re still saying that in a few weeks.” I move to roll off him, but he holds me in place. “Where are you going?” he growls, pulling me back. “I’m fucking starving…I haven’t eaten yet.” I press my mouth to his again.

“Besides, if you want round two later, I need some fuel in the tank first…come eat with me.”

Pulling on my tank top and underwear, I decide not to bother with shorts. I’m warming dinner in the toaster oven, when Eric walks in a moment later. Still only wearing shorts, he sits down as I grab a beer and set in front of him. “Oh shit,” I suddenly remember. “Don’t let me fall asleep before going to my place. I have to get my stuff for tomorrow.” I look up when he doesn’t respond, noticing his displeased scowl.

“You could just keep your clothes here…instead of having to go back and forth every time.”

“yeah, but I’d just have to move them again in a few weeks.”

“What do you mean?”

My pulse quickens. I never told Eric that I’m moving out of my apartment…it just slipped my mind. For some reason, I’m apprehensive about telling him, though there isn’t a reason to be. It’s no big deal, and nothing will really change anyway.

“I forgot to mention,” I begin casually, pouring myself some water, “I’m moving apartments soon.” Eric doesn’t say anything for a minute, then turns to face me.

“Moving? Why?” To my relief, there’s no displeasure in his tone, just curiosity.

“I put in a notice that I’d be vacating my apartment a while ago…when I was supposed to move in with Ayden.” Ignoring Eric’s sudden sharp intake of breath, I press on.

“The new building is being renovated beside us, and it’s supposed to have more modern upgrades. My AC is always going out, though that won’t matter in the winter. I just think it’d be a nice change. I might actually be able to have fireplace…like at Amity.” Smiling at him suggestively, I cross over and wrap my arms around his neck.

“I rather enjoyed that while we were there,” I murmur, pecking kisses along his jaw. His arms wrap around my waist, as a thoughtful expression comes over him. “What else would you want, besides a fireplace?” he asks as he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.  

“I don’t know…I don’t need much. It’ll just be me, so I don’t need anything fancy…I just want a good view. I don’t need a lot of unnecessary space.”

"You’ll eventually need it." 

My breath quickens when I realize what he means. "Well," I say after a moment, "I’ll worry about that when it’s time to.”  A strange look dawns in his eye, and I pucker my lips questioningly.

“What’s up?”

“I was actually thinking about moving myself,” he states casually.

“Really? Where?”

 “I’m considering moving out to one of the row houses across from the compound. That’s where most of the council lives anyway.”

Trailing my finger along his arm, I shrug. “Well yeah, but that’s because they all have kids, and need the room. You should wait until you have children…nothing to take up all that space yet.” Smiling as I give him another fleeting kiss, he doesn’t return it. An air of tension falls over us, as I feel Eric’s mood change before my eyes. Not knowing why he’s pissed, I’m relieved when the timer sounds.

Breaking away so I can grab my food, Eric hooks his arm around my waist and draws me back.  

"Jade," he begins in a low voice. He rubs his chin for a moment, then takes a deep breath. "When we talk about the future, stop thinking and acting like you won't be in mine.” At a loss for words, my mouth opens slightly. "Eric...I wasn't implying anything. I was just speaking generally," I say softly. 

His expression relaxes, and he exhales. We eat in silence for a while, a strange mood falling between us. After we finish, I’m putting my plate in the dishwasher when his arms wrap around my waist. Turning to him with a smile, my breath catches at his expression. His jaw is clenched, and there’s fire in his eye. Touching his forehead to mine, he takes a deep breath.

“Do you have any idea how far I would go for you?”

Taken aback by the strangeness of his question, I meet his gaze with slightly round eyes. “Eric…I wasn’t saying that we won’t be together…it was just a general statement.” Rubbing my knuckles against his cheek, I kiss under his jaw.

“I don’t want to fight…”

“I don’t either…just make sure you remember one thing. As far as I went to get you, I’d go even farther to keep you.” 

Not knowing what to say, I try to ignore the chill from his ominous tone. That’s another thing I hate. What should be a romantic gesture, sounds like threat.

* * *

 

**THE NEXT MORNING**

Max looks up as I enter his office, nodding in greeting. “Good morning sir,” I greet cheerily, plopping down in the chair across from him. A knowing smirk pulls at his usual hard expression. “I guess it was,” he chuckles, arching his brow. Blushing furiously, I give him a sheepish shrug. Max chuckles under his breath, lacing his hands over his stomach.

“Well, at least you’ll go off to Erudite in proper mind. Glad Coulter could fuck all the distraction out of you.”

Not quite knowing what to say, a small giggle escapes as I reach into my bag for my tablet. “That’s…ahh…one way of putting it,” I agree as Max shakes his head wryly. Leaning forward, he gets down to business. 

“There are a few things I want you to bring up with Jeanine while you’re there.”

I listen earnestly, making a few notes as Max goes over talking points. After he runs through what he wants me to discuss, his intercom buzzes.

“Sir,” Jason’s voice crackles, “Tamra Crawford is in the garage, ready to go.”

“We’re leaving now, have the car brought around.”

“Yes sir.” 

Max meets my questioning look, rising from his chair. “I forgot to mention…your mother will be joining you today. Jeanine would like to see you both.” Shaking my head in bewilderment, I slowly rise and move to leave with him.

“Can I ask why?”

“I don’t know. Your mother had to decline when she asked the first time, so Jeanine called me herself to arrange it as a personal favor. I must say I’m curious, as well…”

I fall into step beside Max as we make our way to the garage, lost in thought. “Jeanine is an odd one…you never really know with her. She’s not keen on explaining herself,” he muses 

“Sir…what could she possibly want with me? Or my mom, for that matter? Neither of us are on the council, and have no say in anything…”

“She was impressed with your fortitude in challenging her process, and your potential remedy. You’re a sharp girl, which to be frank, is rarely found in Dauntless, especially in our women.”

Biting my tongue almost in half, I will myself to keep my smart mouth shut. _Chauvinist asshole_ , I mutter internally. “Well…it’s nice to know Dauntless women can be valued for more than just sucking dick and opening beer,” I remark with a sickly-sweet smile. Max chuckles as we reach the garage.

Tamra is talking to one of the mechanics, whom is openly flirting with her. Feeling Max’s death glare begin to radiate behind me, I decide to save this poor, clueless Neanderthal from winding up in the chasm. “Mom, there you are,” I call loudly, making Tamra turn. Smiling politely, she excuses herself as she makes her way over.

Tamra is not one to dress up, due to her profession in Dauntless and it not being her style anyway. I very rarely see her in anything other than her combat gear, and the occasional provocative top and jeans if she goes out with her friends…but she appears to have made an exception today. Nodding in approval, I take in her outfit.

She’s wearing a simple black leather dress, that I recognize from Leah. It hugs her curves, with her long legs complimented by black pumps. As she walks by, she catches the eye of almost every man…and a few of the women…in the garage, though they’re trying to hide it.

“Look at you,” I whistle as she purses her lips. Tamra cocks a grin at me, sizing me up. “Well, I figured I could match my daughter for once, and Leah hooked me up, so here I am…” she laughs. My outfit somewhat mirrors hers. I’m wearing a black, low-cut blouse with a leather skirt, also made by Leah, and black pumps as well. I usually wear slightly dressy clothes on my rotation, but always put in a little extra effort when in Erudite.

Tamra glances at Max, giving a tight smile in greeting. He nods, his eyes never leaving hers. A strange energy passes between them, as they linger in each other’s gaze. I look back and forth between them, as Tamra purposely tears her eyes away and focuses on me.

“Well, are we ready to face the dragon lady?” she asks with forced cheer. Rolling my eyes, I just shrug. “As we’ll ever be.” Max follows us as we make our way to the waiting car. “All right ladies, you both look beautiful…make me proud.” I give him a confident smile, then slide into the backseat. My mom goes next, and I notice Max’s hand on the small of her back.

Max keeps his intent stare on her, though Tamra won’t meet it. He keeps staring even as the door closes, but Tamra keeps her eyes forward. Oh shit…something happened…and whatever it is, isn’t good. As we roll through the street, I look at her knowingly. She does a double take, her eyes rounding innocently.

“What?”

“What do you mean, ’what’? Mom…”

“Jade, I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Shaking my head, both of my brows raise. “You’re really going to make me say it?” I whisper, pursing my lips. Tamra levels me with her glare, and I gulp. “Now is not the time,” she grits, nodding toward our driver.

“I don’t want to talk about it anyway.”

She’s right, and I don’t want to piss her off before having to meet with Jeanine, as Tamra is not one to hold her tongue. It’s probably better I don’t know anyway.

Damn apples and trees.

* * *

 

 “She dragged us out here, and now she’s fucking late?” Tamra whispers furiously. I glance at the clock again, frowing. After we were escorted to Erudite, we were shown to Jeanine’s office on the top floor. We’ve been waiting for about twenty minutes, and she’s yet to show.

“Seriously…if it’s so fucking important, she should be here…I have better shit to do,” Tamra grumbles. The door to our right opens, as Jeanine breezes in, her assistant and Rex behind her. “Ladies,” she coos as her cobalt heels clack on the white tile. We both stand as she gets near, suppressing the urge to roll our eyes. Jeanine smiles broadly, holding her hand out to shake mine and then Tamra’s.

“I apologize for my delay…there was an issue that required my attention immediately. Can I offer you some coffee?” 

Her assistant immediately heads for the pitcher, pouring a cup for Jeanine, and then us. My eye catches Rex’s stare, and I nod. He gives me a flirtatious wink. I almost laugh, catching myself just in time. “If you’ll wait for me downstairs, I’ll be there momentarily.” Both look surprised at their sudden dismissal, but the head for the door. As soon as we’re alone, Jeanine gets down to businesss. 

“Thank you both for joining me today...I’ve been looking forward to it. There’ve been several new, exciting developments in the works, and I’ve been eager to share them with you.” Though she’s smiling, her tone is cold and flat. Something isn’t sitting right with me, and I’m anxious for this meeting to be over…and I still haven’t figured out it’s purpose.

“Yes, I must admit I’ve been curious,” I offer, trying to muster a sincere smile. Tamra nods in agreement. “I have to agree with my daughter,” she states in a slightly biting tone. “I’m a firearm instructor, and don’t exactly have a head for business…I’m a little lost as to how I can be beneficial in some way.” Tamra isn’t smiling, her eyes are as cold as the woman before us.

Jeanine nods her head in approval. “I see you ladies are eager to the bottom line…and I respect that, so with no further delay…I’m somewhat pressed for time today as well.”  Jeanine turns a cold smile on me.

“After our last meeting, your shrewd thoughts on how to improve the aptitude test weighed heavily on my mind. Naturally, my innate curiosity had to explore the accuracy of the possibility you presented.” Her eyes narrow as her smile widens. “Volunteers from Candor and Amity were utilized to revisit their aptitude testing.” Taking a sip of her coffee, a satisfied smile pulls at her lips.

“It turns out you were spot on with your theory. After utilizing volunteers of Candor and Amity origin to revisit their aptitude test, a remarkable number of citizens received very different results from their initial test…with one or two even found to be Divergent. It seems you’ve found a possible solution to the epidemic, Ms. Crawford…and I thank you for that.”

Tamra sits up a little straighter, a look of frustration starting to form. “While it makes me proud to hear my daughter is having a positive impact, I still can’t see how my presence here today would be required…nor why you were so insistent I attend. None of this falls into my area of expertise.” Looking at Jeanine squarely, she gets straight to the point.

“Apologies if this seems blunt, but I am Dauntless, after all…so in the interest of saving time, _what can I do for you Jeanine?_ ”

A cold, calculating look crosses Jeanine’s features, as the corners of her mouth turn up. “Ladies,” she begins in a patronizing tone, setting her coffee on the table. Crossing her legs, she gives a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. Neither my mom nor I return it.

“I admit, I’ve not been forthcoming about my intentions of this meeting, but there are purposes behind that. I’m afraid I’m not very trusting in the ability of most individuals, the Candor specifically, to utilize discretion in such delicate matters.” Smoothing a piece of ashen hair behind her ear, she continues. “This is also a friendly visit, as well as business.” She turns her attention to Tamra, whose expression remains impassive. “I’m hoping you’ll indulge a curiosity of mine…which is why I asked you to join Jade here today.”

Picking an invisible piece of lint from her blazer, she laces her hands together. “What curiosity is that?” I  ask firmly, managing to stop just short of snapping in irritation.

After another long pause, she speaks. “Our goal is to have this new procedure implemented in time for the next round of aptitude testing. We need test results to work out any kinks that arise.” I practically see the wheels turning in her head.

“Being that both of you ranked first in your respective initiations with nearly identical results in the mental strength portion, I’m naturally interested in the possible genetic connection. Both of you scored off the charts in Dauntless traits, more than any other initiate I’ve had researched. You are what our founders considered ideal. In that spirit, I’d like to see their lives’ work continued. The first step is eradicating the Divergent epidemic that’s plaguing our society. In order to do that, I’ll need comparable data to develop and perfect the aptitude testing serum.”

Glancing between us again, she never breaks eye contact.

“Which is why I’d like both of you to provide me with footage of the new Dauntless fear simulations that will now be used in initiation…today, downstairs in my lab.”

My eyes round slightly, as I couldn’t have heard that correctly. Glancing at my mom, I can tell she’s thinking the same thing I am. As we look at each other, a silent conversation takes place.

_Is this bitch for real?_

_She can’t be serious…_

Tamra sets her coffee on the table. “I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage.” My mom’s tone matches the icy exterior of Jeanine’s natural disposition. “How would Jade and I be of use in that regard? My daughter and I are Dauntless, and Dauntless-born. How could our results possibly give insight to the Candor and Amity?”

Glancing between Jeanine and my mom, a chill goes down my spine.  I recognize that tone. That’s the tone she takes with me, when she isn’t in the mood for bullshit. Turning my gaze on Jeanine, my expression hardens. I’m sick of her shit as well. This frigid bitch is a little too interested in me for my liking, and now my mother is being brought into it.

Jeanine locks eyes with my mother, never wavering. “Of course, Tamra, I realize that my methods may seem a little unorthodox. However, ingenuity is something  on which I pride myself. Being that you and your daughter are almost text-book perfect Dauntless, I feel that your results can shed great light on how to perfect our testing procedures.” She turns her attention toward me. 

“I must also give credit, where credit is due. In light of the discovery made by your theory, the council has decided that all citizens of every faction that are of Candor and Amity origin, will be retested using this new formula…from ten years ago, to the last initiation class.”

Tamra and I look at each other, not really knowing what to say. 

“I assume you’re referring to our fear landscapes when you say Dauntless simulations,” Tamra states, and Jeanine’s smile grows. “Well, you see, therein lies the obstacle for testing this new data,” Jeanine replies.

“As I mentioned, you and Jade are almost pure Dauntless, to the degree that you both had a minimal number of fears in your respective landscapes…the only other Dauntless citizen known to have fewer, is…” she puckers her brow, trying to remember, “what does he call himself now…oh, yes…Four.”

Taking a sip of coffee, she eyes us both over the brim. “So in that regard, I’m afraid we would not get the required data, in comparison purposes. So, we’ve developed a new testing method for Dauntless, that will be used in conjunction with personal fear landscapes. Simply, put, they’ll have to pass not only their own landscapes, but also a simulation that tests true bravery…which is where you ladies come in.”

Tamra and I glance at each other, shrugging in agreement. I’m curious…what does Jeanine define as ‘brave’ that’s so different from every other fear landscape? We all rise at the same time, with Jeanine sweeping her hand in gesture.

“If you’ll follow me, ladies.”

As we’re led out of her office, her assistant and several of her guards fall in to step beside us. We get whispers and stares as we make our way through Erudite, the sight of two Dauntless, Amazonian-looking women causing quite the stir. Not bothering with small talk, Jeanine occupies herself with her tablet as we ride down the elevator, to my relief.

We’re lead down a long hallway, that’s secluded from all other sections of Erudite. There’re no other offices, only floor-to-ceiling heavy, armored doors. Jeanine steps onto a platform, a beam of light appearing later. After scanning her eye, an automated voice chirps ‘authorized access’. The doors slide open, and we’re led into a room filled with computers. Images are projected on large screen walls, with several Erudites recording notes on their tablets. Two panels are side-by-side, with human configurations lit up in orange.

“Ladies, if you will…” Jeanine motions to the medical recliners behind her. There are two enormous tubes above them, that weren’t there when I took the aptitude test or any time I went into my fear landscape. Jeanine sees my questioning look, waving her hand dismissively. “It helps the footage transmit more clearly on monitors…that’s all.” Tamra and I look at each other again, then cautiously sit down. As I stretch out, one of Jeanine’s assistants approaches me and attaches the sensor to my temple. Bracing myself, the serum needle pierces my neck.

A beeping noise sounds a moment later, as the long tube above me begins to descend. It doesn’t stop until it reaches the floor below me, then clicks as it locks in place. 

I close my eyes, feeling the world fall away as the simulation begins.

* * *

 

When I look around me, I find myself in a windowless room, with only a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. Shaking my head, it doesn’t register …is this supposed to be claustrophobia? It can’t be…the room is too big for that. Trying to figure it out, I hear a hissing sound from behind. When I turn, my eyebrows arch in surprise.

A good size snake is slithering toward me, it’s beady little eyes trained. I stay planted in my spot as it gets closer, then curls itself in circle around me. Curious, I stoop down to get a closer look. It’s a beautiful creature, with glistening skin and intricate designs displayed in bold color. Though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t help myself…I trail my fingers over the tail end, admiring the smoothness of it’s body.

Suddenly, the snake’s head rears up. Baring it’s fangs, it lunges, aiming for my neck. Quickly diving to the side, my hands reflexively grab it before it bites me, snapping it’s neck. As I throw it to the ground and stare at the dead snake, the room falls away.

When I look up, I find myself in an abandoned, dilapidated building that I recognize from the factionless sector. I’m alone, with no reptiles or humans. Puzzled, I look around for possible clues….fear of being factionless? No, there’s no one else here, that can’t be it. Something crashes behind me, then there’s a deafening boom. As I look up, the walls erupt in flames. The ceiling caves in, as the sudden inferno begins to rage.

Quickly dropping to the ground, I bury my nose in the crook of my arm to block out the black smoke permeating the room. Crawling toward the corner, I look out the window. I’m on the first floor. Breathing a sigh of relief, I see that part of the wall has collapsed, leaving a huge gaping hole I can fit through…I just have to wait until it widens a little more. The heat from the blaze singes my skin, as I pound my fist on the floor impatiently. Finally, the other side of the wall crumbles, and I spring into action. Without a moment’s hesitation, I take a running leap through the wall of fire.

When I land on the ground, I stare at the sky for a moment. Rising to my feet, I dust myself off, then rest my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. Closing my eyes, I wipe the sweat from my brow. When I open them again, the burning building is gone, and I’m now standing in an alley between two large structures. Looking up, I see a fire escape ladder within my reach. Craning my neck, I see the street just a few feet away on the ground. As I make my way toward it, there’s a crunching sound from footsteps behind me. Turning on my heel, I see a dirty, greasy factionless woman making her way toward me with a knife.

I’m confused, as she draws near. “What do you want,” I demand. Her eyes are wild and bright with insanity, as a maniacal laugh cackles from her throat. “I want to kill you,” she shrieks, wielding the blade higher. I quickly weigh my options. If I turn and head toward the street, I might run into more factionless, which will trap me from both sides. But if I wait until she gets close enough, I can disarm her and climb the ladder. Getting in fighting stance, my fists clench at my sides. I listen for sounds behind me, but I don’t hear anything 

“C’mon, c’mon,” I mutter, willing her to hurry.

She breaks into a sprint, screaming as she swings downward. Automatically anticipating the direction of the knife’s path, I move in the opposite side and grab her wrist. With a violent jerk, I snap it as hard as I can. “Ahhh!” She screams in pain, the knife clattering to the ground. Pinning her arm behind her back, my other hand grabs her hair. I slam her head against the concrete building, and she immediately slumps into a heap. Standing over her unconscious body for a moment, I hear more footsteps.

“Fuck,” I mutter, quickly running over to the ladder. As I begin to climb each rung, I’m about halfway up before the ladder shakes below me. Looking down, I see a horde of factionless right on my tail. Rolling my eyes, I purse my lips and move faster, taking them two at a time. Once I reach the top of the building, I pull myself over the ledge.  Looking back at the ladder, I see that it’s only hooked over the side, and not secured by bolts. Time and weather have eroded the steel almost to nothing….I can break it if I hit it hard enough. To my relief, I see a large, broken pipe laying nearby.

Quickly snatching it, I run to the ledge. Using all my strength, I pound the steel arches until they snap completely. Just as a dirty, tattered factionless man reaches the top, I shove the ladder backwards. Hearing a collective scream, I watch several fall to their death, as the ladder swings away from the building. Running my hand through my hair, I take a deep breath and turn around.

The scene has shifted again…I’m still on top of the building, but now much, much higher up. The sun is blazing, making me squint as I shield my eyes. “Where’s the exit,” I wonder aloud. There isn’t one…there’re no stairs leading into the building below, with only abandoned construction materials laying around. “Shit…” Cursing, I realized the only way I had to get off this building was the ladder… now laying out of my reach.

Leaning over the side of the ledge to gauge how high I am, I notice a small scaffold just below me.  There’s a window attached to it, and if I can reach it, I can slowly lower it until I’m a safe height to jump. Running to the construction materials, I gleefully spot a coil of cable ties. Looking around, I notice a steam pipe protruding from the center of the roof. If I latch the cable ties, and I can rappel down the side until I can jump on the platform. 

Quickly securing the ties around the pipe, I tug on them to make sure they’re sturdy. Gripping with both hands, I take a deep breath and jump over the side. Slowly lowering myself, the rope begins to bite as I get closer and closer…if I misjudge my angle, I’ll fall to a certain death. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let go of the rope, feeling myself in a freefall...then my feet hit the solid floor of the scaffold.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I open my eyes…and find myself on the train.

I’m alone in the last car, riding through the outer farmlands of Amity. Sticking my head through the entrance, I’m trying to gauge where exactly I’m heading when there’re several loud thumps behind me. Quickly turning, I see two large, evil looking factionless men. Disgust shudders through me as their eyes travel my body. 

“Well, what have we here…” one of them purr. “Just our luck…we almost never get Dauntless sluts alone…what do you say we have some fun before we kill her…”

The other one nods in agreement, rubbing his crotch and licking his lips. They begin to advance, and I get into fighting stance. The ringleader scoffs as my fists clench at my sides. “Relax, sweetheart…you’re no stiff,” the factionless man sneers. “This won’t take long…besides, it’s not like Dauntless girls give a shit who they let between their legs.”

An evil smile breaks over my face, as they get closer. C’mon…keep coming…keep coming...just a little closer…

Just as he lunges for me, I grab his arm and pull myself to the side, then shove him out of the entrance. He screams as he’s hurled off the train, falling to an unknown fate. The other pulls a knife from his coat. “Oh, I’m going to enjoy killing you, bitch…” he growls. I resume fighting stance, waiting for him to attack. Just as I anticipate by the angle of his arm, he tries to slice me across, instead of downward.

Dropping to the floor, I sweep my leg out, knocking him off his feet. Quickly rolling so that I’m on top, I grab his wrist as he raises it again. With lightning speed, I twist until the knife’s path is changed, then push downward… 

The man’s eye’s bulge, as the blade is plunged into his own heart.

As he lays there gasping, I jump to my feet. Grabbing him by his jacket, I lift him from the floor, throwing him from the train to join his crony. As I lean from the entrance to see his lifeless body lying near the tracks, there’s a blinding white flash, and I cover my eyes.

Exhaling slowly, I blink as I start to come to, looking around to see where I am now. Instead of finding myself in a precarious situation, I see the cold, white pristine walls of Jeanine’s lab. Rubbing my forehead, I blink several times, realizing I’m now out of the simulation. Sitting up, I look over at my mom, trying to catch her breath as her simulation ends. “Well, that was different,” Tamra mumbles as I shake my head. “That was bullshit,” I retort. “What was even the point of that?”

A moment later, the heavily armored doors slide back. “Ladies,” Jeanine practically coos, her excitement barely contained. Clutching a tablet to her chest, her heels clack on the tile as she approaches.

“Thank you so much for this valuable data…it will make significant contribution to the new procedures. I truly appreciate your time today.”

Tamra and I don’t say anything for a moment. This is fucking creepy…Jeanine is acting like a giddy school girl, and for a moment, I think she might actually try to hug me. Her eyes are bright and shining, and there’s an air of jubilance about her…but why?  

“Though I’ll admit I’m a little lost, I’m glad we could somehow be of assistance,” I finally offer, as Tamra stares at Jeanine in open bewilderment. Glancing at each other, we begin to follow Jeanine out of her lab, both of us eager to get the fuck out of here. Jeanine’s entourage flank either side of us again, as we’re led down the hallways. There’s a slight spring in Jeanine’s step, and she’s typing furiously on her tablet.

“Ladies, I’m running late, so I’ll leave you to enjoy your day. Again thank you. I’ll be in touch…Doctor? Please join me.”

Turning on her heel, she breaks into a brisk stride. A tall, stern looking female doctor in a white lab coat falls into step behind her, glancing back at us once before disappearing to a separate elevator. “That’s it?” Tamra whispers as we’re left with only Erudite assistants to escort us to the entrance. “That’s enough,” I retort in a furious whisper. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Tamra nods her head in agreement, as we’re shown out of Erudite.

Tamra and I slide into the back of the Dauntless patrol car, both rubbing our heads. “I don’t give a fuck who Jeanine thinks she is, or who she tries to strong-arm…there is no fucking way I’m ever doing that again…that was just weird,” Tamra says in disgust. I turn my palms up in exasperation.

“What the fuck was even the point of that? It’s not like we fucking snakes just hanging out in Dauntless…why was that in there?”

“What exactly is she trying to ‘compare’? None of this makes sense…”   

“I don’t know…but I’m not going to play into her fucking rape fantasy either…”

Tamra sighs, smoothing a piece of hair behind her ear. “Well, at least that’s over. Hopefully, she got whatever it is she needs, and that’ll be the end of it…I really don’t want anything do with that bitch again. At least we know she doesn’t suspect divergence…which is what I initially thought,” she states, and I arch my brow at her.

“Why do you think she suspected divergence?”

“Because of our fear landscapes. We both have minimal fears, and able to get through them quickly…which is usually a sign. But I guess we passed her little test. If we didn’t, we’d be in an Erudite holding cell right now.”

I stare out the window disinterestedly, as we head back to Dauntless. With a deep sigh, I lean back in my seat, thinking over today. Could Jeanine have really suspected divergence? That’s insane…

Anyone with eyes and ears, can clearly see I’m allll Dauntless…maybe a little too much sometimes.

* * *

 

**ERIC**

Eric makes his way to the scanner outside of Erudite, letting the laser rove over him. After access is granted, he walks through the glass doors to see an Erudite assistant waiting for him. Eric eyes him in disdain, amused by the tall, scrawny blue-suited male’s obvious discomfort at having to interact with a Dauntless leader. “Mr. Coulter,” he greets nervously, avoiding his eye.

“If you’ll follow me, please.”

Without a word said in greeting, Eric follows him to the glass encased elevator. As they ride up to the top floor that holds Jeanine’s office, Eric rolls his eyes in disgust. He has more important things to do, than listen to this bitch ramble for hours on end. He was right in the middle of a training exercise, when he received the message that Jeanine sent, demanding he come to Erudite right away. That’s been happening more frequently as of late, and he’s getting sick of it.

The assistant opens the door to Jeanine’s office, gesturing for him to go in. As he enters Jeanine’s lair, he sees her standing in front of two projection screens near her desk. A tall, hawk-like doctor stands beside her, as they engage in a somewhat animated discussion. The hair on the back of Eric’s neck rises suddenly, as he hears Jade’s name. Quickening his pace, Jeanine finally takes notice of his presence and smiles.

“Eric,” she coos. “You’re just in time…”

  
“Just in time for what? What was so urgent?”

 A cold, cruel smile breaks over face, as her icy demeanor doesn’t falter under his petulant demand. Glancing at the doctor, she clutches her tablet higher and meets his gaze. “I’m afraid you just missed your other half not long ago…it was a rather enlightening, successful visit we had. I also wanted to congratulate you personally.” Eric’s jaw clenches in irritation. Jeanine is playing word games, and it’s really pissing him off.

“Congratulate me for what?”

“On producing a sound theory that proved to be quite true…and useful.”

“In terms of?”

“Tamra and Jade Crawford.”

Eric’s stomach plunges. He’s never seen Jeanine so excited before, and whatever it is involves Jade…and that can’t be good. “What about them? Jeanine, I’m pressed for time, so what’s this all about…” he demands lowly, urging her to get on with it. Jeanine all but scoffs, appearing to enjoy his discomfort.

“While the Crawford women’s aptitude test results as well as their fear landscapes suggested the obvious, I needed the brain activity scans to confirm…and Jade and Tamra were so kind as to oblige my request today. That is exactly what Dr. Christians and I were just discussing.”

Eric wills himself to calm down, further enraged by Jeanine’s evil grin. “You put Jade under simulation?” he growls, barely in control of himself. He knew Jade was meeting with her today, but he was not informed of Jeanine’s intent…which he suspects is why she conveniently forgot to mention that part. Jeanine nods, not wavering under his obvious fury.

“Indeed. Her mother was so kind as to accompany her daughter here, at my request…and both tested our new Dauntless program, with remarkable results.”

Eric thinks quickly. Though raging internally, he must remain calm enough to learn exactly what happened here today. Part of him is also curious about what he discovered about Jade all those months ago, and he wants answers. Forcing a casual expression, he glances at the doctor, then back at Jeanine. He’ll have to wait until he’s alone with Jeanine to get behind her real motive today.

“What was the official conclusion?” he asks evenly. Jeanine smiles almost proudly. 

“Brain scans during their simulations, as well as their emotional reactions have proven to support exactly what you suspected in Jade’s initiation. Look at this…” 

Jeanine gestures to the screens behind her, one labeled T. Crawford and the other J. Crawford. Next to them is another one labeled Donor. Eric’s eyes scan over all of them, looking for the difference. Tamra and Jade’s brain scans are almost completely identical….but there’s something different from the one marked donor. As he’s trying to figure out what it is, Dr. Christians positions herself in front of the screens, pointing to the donor’s.

“This is the make-up of a normal human brain. If you’ll notice these two almond-like structures here…and here…” she points to them on the chart. “That is what is known as the amygdala, the parts on either side that process fear. Now, if you’ll observe the Crawford women’s scans…” She moves over to the other screens, as Jeanine follows her. 

“As you can see, the amygdala is almost completely gone from both Jade and Tamra Crawford’s brains, respectively. While most initiates in the Dauntless fear landscapes lit up the screen during simulation, you were correct, Mr. Coulter….it didn’t even register on Jade Crawford’s initial fear landscape. Because there was no fear to register.” The doctor turns to both with a satisfied smile.  

“So ma’am….I’m pleased to be able to give a precise, accurate diagnosis of what Mr. Coulter brought to your attention; Both Tamra and Jade Crawford are confirmed to have Urbach-Wieth syndrome…in other words, a complete genetic immunity to fear.” 

An excited sigh escapes Jeanine, as her eyes light up. “This is extraordinary,” she exclaims, her usual icy cool slipping. Dr. Christians nods enthusiastically. “It is a true treasure to find…there were only 400 documented cases that could be found in ancient times, but never studied with the technology we have today. I’m anxious to collect more data, and get started with our experimentation process….”

“What experimentation process,” Eric snaps. He’s trying to keep calm right now, and it’s proving to be a true test. He also raises a question he’s had since the very beginning, when he first discovered Jade’s condition. “If Jade has an immunity to fear, how was she able to produce a ‘fear’ landscape in her test?” 

Dr. Christians jumps slightly at his tone, but continues. “Urbach-Weithe disease is a rare, recessive genetic disorder that is thought to have originated in late childhood…it destroys both sides of the amygdala, or cripples it to almost nothing. By the time the carrier reaches adulthood, they have almost no memories whatsoever of being afraid…not of common childhood terrors, nor circumstances that would reasonably induce fear at all. But the interesting factor is this.” She points to the other parts of the brain.

“While impossible to feel fear, other emotions are not suppressed. The carrier still has ability to feel love, joy, happiness, sadness, depression, anger, anxiety and panic…the latter two which are commonly mistaken for fear. So during Ms. Crawford’s fear landscape, it tapped into the areas of her brain that produce anxiety and panic, instead of true fear, which would explain why her landscape was so peculiar…more unpleasant memories than actual fear. While still processing negative emotions, true fear will never be one of them. Best of all, is the opposite reaction of what one would normally fear.”

“How so?” Jeanine asks.

“Instead of being frightened away by a negative situation, you instead become…curious. If you’ll notice….” Dr. Christians presses a button, and Jade’s simulation begins to play. “Instead of being frightened and recoiling from a lethal, poisonous reptile, the carrier becomes curious…” they all watch as Jade gets closer to the snake, then pets it. 

“She should be terrified…but instead she wants to study it,” The doctor states. “What this suggests, is that the damaged amygdala is acting on an unconscious level. Instead of processing an emotion as fear, it processes as curiosity…making her want to be involved in a situation anyone else would rather avoid. Another example...” She switches screens, and part of Tamra’s footage begins to play. “if you’ll notice, she has an almost identical reaction to her daughter’s.”

On screen, Tamra is preparing to face off with the factionless woman. As she gets closer, Tamra doesn’t even flinch. She ducks out of the way as the knife slices downward, then slams her fist into her jaw. Tamra stoops down over the unconscious woman’s body, trying to figure something out.

“So you see,” Dr. Christians narrates as their eyes stay glued to the screen, “She should be running away from her intended murderer, but she doesn’t…she wants to know more…”

She turns off the monitor. “Unfortunately, not much else is known in terms of chronological research of carriers…only that it’s a genetic certainty that the carrier will pass this gene to any offspring they produce. Our best bet in obtaining studies, is to observe a young carrier, from infancy to adolescence….and Tamra and Jade Crawford are the only two carriers known in our society. I’d even venture to say they’re our only hope, if we’re ever to replicate this particular gene.” She and Jeanine exchange glances, and Eric’s blood begins to boil.

What she won’t say, is that she needs a child from Jade, Tamra, or both…to turn into her guinea pig.

Jeanine takes a deep, excited breath. “Doctor, thank you for your assistance today. I’d like you to schedule a meeting with the neurology department, as well as the genetic counselors regarding this topic. However, I insist that the identity of our carriers be kept anonymous. Is that understood?”

“Yes ma’am…I’ll order the necessary research and assign experimentation methods to be evaluated and completed, and provide my final report. I’ll keep you apprised of our progress going forward in the meantime.”

“Very well…I’ll leave you to it, Dr. Christians. Notify me at once if anything is needed.”

“Yes ma’am.”

After she leaves, Jeanine turns her attention to her tablet, punching in a few codes. Eric forces himself to calm down. “Why was I not informed of your plans to put Jade under simulation?” He demands. Still looking at her tablet, Jeanine’s smile falters. “Not that I must explain, but the obvious answer to your query seems to escape you,” she finally answers after a long pause.

“Tamra and Jade Crawford are genetic precious gems...the only two capable of producing other precious gems for the time being. They are the very embodiment of our Founders’ vision for Dauntless, when creating this society. Time is running out, Eric….we need what you agreed to supply….how has that not materialized yet? I know for a fact it can’t be for lack of copulation.”

Eric’s nostrils flare, as he takes a step toward her. “Jade will be pregnant in due time…and if not, there’s always Tamra,” he growls. Jeanine rolls her eyes with an exasperated sigh. “While that holds true, and Tamra is still able to produce offspring, I’d prefer the subject be from Jade. She is not of advanced maternal age, and risk of other defects is low.” Studying Jade’s chart again, she shrugs casually.

“Perhaps the problem with impregnation is not with Jade…maybe we should have your sperm count tested…or assign another man for the job…due to your sudden, obvious reluctance at completing your task.”

Speechless with fury, Eric begins to speak when Jeanine immediately cuts him off. It’s time Eric remembered exactly who he’s dealing with, and what can happen to him if he defies her, or steps out of line. 

“There may extenuating circumstances regarding our little arrangement, but do not forget your place Eric.”

Jeanine finally turns a cold eye on him. “Though I’m not in the habit of elucidating my thought process…particularly to subordinates, I’m going to indulge you just this once.” Eric feels his temper start to rise, as Jeanine steps closer. Straightening the hem of her dress, Jeanine draws herself up and sets her jaw. 

“Tamra and Jade Crawford are vital to our cause. They are the only two in our entire society that possess this rarity...may I remind you that it was _you_ that brought this to my attention, don’t forget… therefore neither can be excluded. We have come too close to achieving this goal…the very goal that our founders dedicated their lives’ work to accomplish, benefitting our society as a whole…for me to allow your silly, idealistic notions of romanticism preclude its’ success.”

Eric’s chest rises and falls, as his volcanic temper begins to simmer. He is seconds away from losing control, and doesn’t trust himself not to put a fist through this bitch’s face. Eric glares down at her. Willing himself to remain calm, he takes a deep breath before speaking. 

“Jeanine, listen to me-“

Completely disregarding his warning, Jeanine cuts him off with a wave of her hand. “Once again Eric, I’m not in the habit of explaining myself, and I’ll not start now. It would behoove you to remember,” she advises through clenched teeth, her icy anger coming to the surface, “That you would not be in the position of authority you enjoy, if not for me. If you are not dedicated to our cause as I believed you to be, that can change overnight.” Placing her tablet on her desk, she knits her palms together. Eric’s nostrils flare, as he tries desperately to own himself and his rage before he does something he shouldn’t. 

He fails miserably.

With lightning speed, he lunges toward her. Jeanine’s eyes practically bulge out of her head, as Eric wraps a large hand around her throat in an iron-like vise. Slamming her down on her desk, Jeanine desperately bats at his hands as she gasps for breath. With fury seeping from every pore of his body, Eric clenches his teeth in a sadistic grin. 

“Allow me return the favor you bestowed upon me, and remind you of a few things as well,” he snarls. Jeanine’s eyes round in terror, as she struggles to breathe. Leaning in closer, he lowers his voice to a sinister whisper.

“That can change overnight? Well, with a flick of my wrist I can snap your neck in about three different places and your plan would die with you. Let me make myself crystal clear.” He squeezes harder, as her eyes begin to roll back in her head. She’s seconds away from losing consciousness, so he has to cut to the chase.

“If you ever threaten me again, there will be no serums, no computers, or pathetic weak excuses you have for Erudite guards, that will save you from me. Any harm that befalls Jade will hold direct consequence for you. She is not aware of what she is, and it will stay that way. I will die before I let you turn her into one of your lab rats. I suggest you remember your focus is to hunt down your true purpose; Divergents. Jade is not one of them, and therefore should not be your object of focus right now.” Eric doesn’t let up, even as Jeanine’s eyes water and she begins to wheeze. Getting close enough for their noses to touch, Eric levels her with the rage in his eyes. 

“Do you understand?”

With what little strength she has left, Jeanine nods. Eric releases her with a snarl, practically throwing her over her desk. She instantly recoils, scrambling to get behind the false sense of safety of her desk. Turning a furious glare on him, she tries to speak, but nothing comes out as she continues to gasp for breath. Eric stands to his full height, every bit the intimidating Dauntless warrior as he withers her with his glare. 

“It didn’t have to be this way, Jeanine. Your first mistake was in treating me like I’m another one of your useless lackeys…when we both know I’m anything but. I may have attained my status in Dauntless under ‘extenuating circumstances’ as you so eloquently put it…” he snarls, leaning closer, “But don’t you _for one fucking second_ think I owe you a Goddamn thing… _it’s quite the_ _other way around_!” Eric barks, his face mottled with rage.

“You wanted me to handle this, and that’s exactly what I intend to do…though now not on your terms…on mine.”

Jeanine shrinks back as Eric slams his fists on her desk. “While I still intend to comply with our initial agreement, as I stated before, terms have changed. One being, Jade is mine…she, and any child of mine and hers will not be offered up to you on a silver fucking platter …you will still get what you need from Jade, and subsequently, me…but it will not be at her expense…and not without my prior approval.”

Eric holds her gaze, shaking his head reproachfully. “Cross me, and you won’t live to regret it….that, I assure you.” With his final, clear-cut warning issued, he turns on his heel and stomps out of her office. 

He takes the back way out of Erudite that he remembers, heading for the train. Jumping on it as it passes by with ease, he stares into the setting sun. His jaw clenches, as his eyes narrow into slits. It was stupid of him to tip his hand like that. Though he knows Jeanine would never harm Jade as she is too valuable, he doesn’t put it past that soulless cunt to use her to send him a message…especially since that’s what he would do, if the roles were reversed. He takes a deep breath, pulling out a cigarette.

From now on, he has to stay two steps ahead of that bitch. He knows war has just been declared…and he has every intention of being the victor.


	29. High Stakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sinister plan is uncovered, prompting Eric to take drastic measures. He and Jade hit a major snag in their relationship. 
> 
> ***Friendly reminder, this isn't the Disney version of Eric. He's not very nice in the beginning of this chapter, so read at your own discretion.**
> 
> Warnings: Language, smut, violence. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

* * *

**ERIC**

“Is this all of them?”

Eric takes the file Brady hands him, his eyes scanning the first page. Brady sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, it took for fucking ever, but that’s every Dauntless exile and initiation failure in the last few years from A – F. Some of them still have family in Dauntless.” Eric doesn’t answer him, just continues to flip through. As he reaches the bottom, his phone buzzes on his desk.

Leaning over, he’s surprised to see Cameron, one of the senior Leader’s code on the identifier. “Coulter,” he snaps in answer. Brady takes that as his cue to leave, heading for the door. Cameron gets straight to point.

“Where are you right now?”

“In my office…why?”

“Need you to meet me at the firehouse on Columbus ASAP.”

“What’s going on? Another attack?” 

 “Not quite. Max is on his way…wants you to come alone. Don’t take a vehicle, take the train. Get off several blocks before the station, and take the back-entrance in.” 

Eric hangs up without another word. He makes his way out of his office, passing Brady’s desk. “Call Alexa and tell her I’ll be delayed. Reschedule the status report,” he barks. Brady nods, immediately picking up his phone. Eric punches his code into the silver box by the end of the hall, letting the laser scan his eye. The council-only entrance falls back, and he quickly makes his way down the tunnel and out of Dauntless.

Hearing the horn in the distance, he breaks into sprint as it passes through. He pulls himself in with ease, holding the bar above his head as the train rolls through the city. He pulls a cigarette from his pocket and lights up, a feeling he can’t explain coming over him.

It’s been a few days since his confrontation with Jeanine, and he finds himself constantly looking over his shoulder, waiting for something to happen. He’s not heard a word from her, nor has anything out of the ordinary occurred. Eric knows what happened at Erudite will not go unanswered, and it’s only a matter of time before Jeanine strikes. He’s getting tired of being in a state of hypervigilance, and wants this over.

Part of him thinks he should just kill the bitch and be done.

Eric leaps from the train a few blocks from the firehouse. Glancing around, he cuts through several alleys then makes his way into the large building that serves as a Dauntless firehouse. He takes the back entrance, passing several Dauntless as they go about their business. Several nod, but he doesn’t bother to return it.  When he gets to the main office upstairs, three armed guards are standing outside the door, as well as Adam, Max’s other assistant. “Go in, they’re waiting for you,” he says as they immediately move out of his way.  

Max and Cameron look up as Eric pushes the door open. His state of alert is heightened as he sees Landon, another young Dauntless soldier standing over a bound factionless woman, his gun steadily trained on her forehead.  Taking note of the three men’s tense expressions, he raises his brow in question.

“Urgent Intel received at Abnegation,” Cameron states with no other greeting. Eric creases his forehead in confusion. Abnegation security is Cameron’s territory, and he said there was no attack. Max, Cameron, and Eric are the only leaders here, the rest of the council noticeably absent.

“What happened?” Eric asks. Cameron nods toward Landon, silently giving permission to speak. Nervously glancing at Eric, he clears his throat.

“I was making my rounds at Abnegation, when this one-“ He gestures to the bound factionless woman “-punched me and ran. I pursued, and when I caught up with her, she was in an alley with her hands in the air. Said she had an urgent message for the council regarding the attacks. In the off chance it wasn’t bullshit, I didn’t kill the bitch. Said she’s willing to make a deal to give up information.” 

Max nods in approval, but gives no other expression. “We’ll take it from here…go back to Dauntless.” Landon nods, giving a small salute. “Sir,” he acknowledges. After the door shuts behind him, they turn their attention back to the woman kneeling before them.

Max eyes her coldly, but she doesn’t flinch under his unwavering glare. “So I hear you have an offer I can’t refuse,” he sneers. She looks up at him defiantly, pursing her lips in determination.

“First…let me say I’m surprised you went that particular route…gutsy move, but didn’t pay off,” she answers with a hint of cockiness. Max narrows his eyes, confusion showing in his expression. “What move would that be?”

A cold smirk pulls at the corner of her mouth “I mean really,” she begins in a mock casual tone, “If you were going to plant a mole in our ranks, you should’ve chosen one that would’ve lasted longer…and wouldn’t break so easily when in fear for his life.” Her smile broadens as the three men immediately understand what she’s talking about.

“Unfortunately for him, the commander that busted him took a page from your book-“ her smile fades as she glares at Eric, “-and killed him after he sang like a fucking canary.” 

The three men glance at each other, as a smug satisfaction creeps over her expression. “We know you plucked him out of your Reserve system, we know what his purpose was, and we’ll know if you plant another one. Which brings me to why I brought you here today. Let me clarify something though…this isn’t really an offer…more like an ultimatum.” Max doesn’t speak for a minute. Narrowing his eyes, a sarcastic chuckle rumbles lowly in his chest.  Turning to Eric, he gestures toward her.

“She really didn’t think this through, did she.”

She screams as Eric abruptly grabs the back of her hair, forcing her head up while drawing his gun from his side. Her eyes round in terror, as he jams the barrel right between her eyebrows. Lowering his voice to a sinister hiss, he leans in close.

“Listen very carefully... You are in no position to make demands. You assaulted a Dauntless soldier, made open threats, are very likely an accessory to murder of a Dauntless citizen, and admitted to being a conspirator to bring harm to this city. All of the aforementioned are punishable by swift execution under martial law. If you value your worthless life at all, you better give me one good fucking reason I shouldn’t decorate the fucking walls with the insides of your skull. 

Her chest heaves as she squeezes her eyes shut. With a bored sigh, Eric decides he’s just going to waste her and be done with it. Just as he cocks the hammer, she finally looks up at him with a furious glare.

“Because if you do, I won’t be able to give you information that could save the life of that pretty little blonde of yours….and her mother.”  

Explosive silence falls over the room, as Max and Eric begin to process what she just said. White-hot rage begins to roil through him, to the point he’s unable to hold his temper. Still holding her by the hair, he takes the blunt end of his gun and pistol-whips her. Blood explodes from her nose as she screams in agony, struggling in her restraints. Forcing her head back up, Eric’s eyes glitter dangerously.

“You vapid little cunt,” he snarls, raising his arm, “You think you’re going to threaten _my wife_ and live to tell about it?”

Max catches his arm just as he’s about to swing again. “Coulter, stand down,” he yells just in time. “We need this bitch alive…for now.” He turns an enraged glare on the trembling woman.

“ _What the fuck_ are you talking about,” Max snarls, drawing his own gun. When he’s met with silence, his temper explodes. “Speak, bitch!” He puts the barrel to her head.  Visibly gathering her courage, she takes a deep breath before continuing. “I’ll tell you….as soon as we strike a deal, one that benefits us both,” she whispers, glancing between the two furious men. Max and Eric lock eyes for a moment, silently agreeing to play along for the time being.

“What is it you want,” Eric snaps, keeping his gun trained on her. She swallows the lump in her throat, trying to control her shakiness.  

“I want to take his place.”

“You want to take whose place?”

“Ethan’s…I want to continue the mission in his place…with the same terms you gave him.”

Max narrows his eyes. “Define ‘same terms’….” She straightens her spine and draws herself up. “I’ll be the eyes and ears you need on the inside. I’ll be your intel. I’m perfect …I’ve been factionless for years, and these people trust me. Ethan was killed because he had no idea how to play the game. I do…and they’ll never suspect I’m working for you. I can give you information that no one else can.” She glances between Eric and Max again, looking for a sign of agreement.

Eric scowls, skeptical of her true intentions. “What’s in this for you, if we agree?” Her eyes start to shine with hope, seeing this may work. “Simple. I want into Dauntless. I help you with what you need, and you let me join the faction. Send me to guard the wall, if you have to…I don’t care. Just let me in,” she all but pleads.

Max levels her with his glare, a vein throbbing in his temple. “Here’s how this is going to go,” he barks. He glances at Cameron and Eric before continuing. “You will tell us everything we want to know right now…then you’ll be brought to Dauntless to undergo the truth serum. If your answers are in any way, shape or form different from what you initially state, you’ll face a firing squad. If you think I would just make a deal willy-nilly without knowing if I can trust you first, you are sadly mistaken. If your story checks out, discussion for your possible entry can be considered…any bullshit will get you killed. That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”

She nods her head earnestly, without a moment’s hesitation. “I’ll take it,” she vows. Max nods. “Then open your fucking mouth.” She takes a deep breath, and starts talking.

“A factionless army has been assembled… there’re more stash houses being established throughout the city.”

“Where?”

“In each of the factions, mainly abandoned buildings. They’re purposely being spread, to make the main location harder to pinpoint.”

“Who is your leader?”

“I don’t know…”

Eric grits his teeth in frustration. “What the fuck do you mean, you don’t know? Who gives your orders?” he demands, making her jump. 

“I mean I don’t know who our head leader is…no one does. We’re sectioned off in quadrants. There’s a Commander for each one, and they report to the main leader…but we’re not told who that is for a reason. Our leader doesn’t want us to be able to give any information if we’re captured…sort of like this moment we’re having right now. Commanders don’t go on missions, for that purpose either.”

Max rubs his chin with a disgusted expression. “They just send a bunch of pussies to do their dirty work for them, without getting their hands wet?” he scoffs in open disdain. Eric growls in anger, pressing the gun harder. 

“You have not told us anything we could possibly fucking use, just what we’re already aware of. If you have information that will keep me from pulling this trigger, I suggest you give it before my patience runs out,” Eric snaps. She nods, then gestures toward her jacket.

“We were given a new mission… one that affects you personally.  The proof is in the pocket.”

Cameron picks up her jacket, pulling out a large manila envelope from where she said it would be.  Opening it carefully, he eyes widen as he pulls out a set of photographs. He walks to Eric and Max, holding them up. As he gets close enough to see what they are, Eric’s pulse rate spikes.

The photos are of Jade…and Tamra.

He snatches them from Cameron’s hand, his heart pounding as the Crawford women’s images stare back at him. Some are of Jade while leaving the Hub, some out in the Dauntless sector with her friends. Some are of her waiting for the train after her faction rotation. All of these were taken from a distance she wouldn’t notice her photographer. He whips his eyes down to hers, and she confirms his fear with a nod.

“The mission is to abduct Tamra and Jade Crawford and bring them to a factionless safe house…at all costs, the very first chance we see.”

Eric’s fury begins to rise again, as his eyes scorch into her. “Why do they want them?” Max snarls, on the verge of losing control. He takes the pictures of Tamra, his chest beginning to heave. Some are of her out in the city delivering ammunition, one is of her and Jade leaving a café. But most disturbing, is one of Tamra on the shooting range…

Only Dauntless personnel would be able access that area...which means there’s a traitor in the faction.

Eric grips her hair a little harder, making her whimper. “What are you supposed to do once you have them?” he hisses. Grimacing, she looks up at him knowing she has to be careful with her words. “That hasn’t been ordered…all we’re supposed to do is get them first. The only instruction we’ve been given so far is not to hurt them if possible. We’re supposed to do what we have to do, but not use unnecessary force. I honestly don’t know why…I swear. There’s…incentive to be the one that completes the mission.”

“What kind of incentive?”

“We move up within our ranks…possibly to Commander status to where we don’t have to go on missions.”

Eric leans in, his features twisted in a grotesque snarl. “So you’re willing to take two highly placed Dauntless citizens, just so you can be a coward? And we’re supposed to let you into Dauntless?” he asks incredulously. Never breaking eye contact, she sets her jaw.  

“I’m factionless…that doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. I know that whoever tries to take your precious goldilocks, is going to meet a rather gruesome fate. We all know of Jade Crawford, and of Tamra Crawford. They aren’t women that necessarily need saving, and not women to test. They could kill anyone that’s stupid to come at them in a nanosecond. Besides, you would come with every deadly force you have, and wipe the fucking city completely out until you found whoever was responsible. The rest of factionless may not realize that, but I do.”

She turns her eyes to Max. “I thought this was an insane, stupid deal when it was pitched. But luckily for me, I’m smart enough to know there was potential for a better deal to be struck…only with Dauntless instead.”

Eric keeps his face stoic, but inside he’s impressed with her shrewdness. In factionless, it’s every person for themselves. There’s no real loyalty.

Perhaps that’s an angle they should exploit.

Max nods, rubbing his chin for a minute.  He speaks into his shoulder device, with the door opening a moment later. “Take the back alleyway, and get her into the vehicle. Make certain no one sees you,” he orders the guards. “Take the underground entrance to the garage, and get her to the interrogation room. Guard the door until I get there.” He turns his gaze back on her again.

“For the time being, she’s to be treated like every other outlaw we’ve arrested. Chain her to the table, and no one is to enter that room that isn’t me. The second she tries any bullshit, is the second you put a bullet in her fucking head.”

With a collective ‘yes sir’, the guards yank the woman up by her arms, leading her through the door. After they’re alone, no one speaks for minute, then Max finally breaks the silence. 

“Who the fuck is this asshole,” Max snarls, to no one in particular. Eric shakes his head, feeling like his rage is eating him alive. He doesn’t say this out loud, but he knows this has absolutely nothing to do with the attacks in the city.

This is Jeanine…it has to be. Like Eric predicted, she’s using Jade to teach him a lesson. She’s trying to show him what happens when she’s defied, and sending him a message. 

Jade and Tamra are what Jeanine wants, and she’s now utilizing mindless minions to do it. He doesn’t buy this factionless woman’s bullshit about turning on her leader for a second. This bitch is working for Jeanine…or was working for Jeanine. Eric feels a sense of satisfaction, that Jeanine didn’t possibly think the traitorous bitch she employed would actually double cross her.

Now it’s time to capitalize on that mistake.

They get in to the Dauntless utility truck, each lost in thought. Almost at the same time, Eric and Max glance at each other with a silent communication being passed between them. “I want no less than three guards on both of them at all times. Neither of them go anywhere alone…they do not leave the Dauntless sector without a tail,” Max orders through gritted teeth.

Eric trains a lethal gaze at the wall, as his mind begins to calculate. “Agreed, but with a slight alteration. Neither of them can know they’re under guard.” Cameron furrows his brow. “Why not?” he asks.

Eric narrows his eyes as his jaw clenches. “Because this is Tamra and Jade Crawford we’re talking about…and neither one of them listen very well. Jade will resent being ‘babysat’, and evade her tail the first chance she gets. But she won’t...if she doesn’t know there’s one to begin with.”

Max rubs his chin, cursing under his breath. Finally nodding in agreement, “Fuck…you’re right. Tamra will go into full freak out mode if she thinks Jade is in harm’s way, and have no regard to her own safety. I’m pulling Tamra off the range, which I was going to do anyway for analysis of the confiscated weapons. Jade is on desk duty for a while…I’m going to have her rotation delegated out.” He turns to Cameron.

“I want rotating shifts on both of them. They’re guarded around the clock, but their security will be discreet. I don’t want either one of them to realize they’re being followed.”

“Copy that.”

Cameron turns to Eric, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “By the way…are congratulations in order? Unless I misunderstood…”

“What are you talking about?”

“You referred to Jade as your wife…when did you get married?”

Eric’s eyes round slightly. “I did?” he asks, looking between the two of them. Max nods. “Yeah…you did. You said she threatened ‘your wife’. When did that happen?” Eric doesn’t say anything for a moment, then forces a nonchalant shrug. “It hasn’t... That bitch had me so pissed I don’t know what I was saying.”

The rest of the ride back to Dauntless is a silent one. Eric closes his eyes, exhaling slowly while trying to force himself to calm down. Jeanine won’t get away with this. He’ll go to Erudite and kill that stone-cold cunt before he ever lets her harm one hair on Jade’s head….and he’ll make certain it’s dragged out and she feels every ounce of pain he inflicts upon her.

Eric pulls out his phone, quickly dialing up Jade’s faction code. He breathes a sigh of relief as her location pings in the Pit. Pulling up the camera system, he scans until he finds her. She’s sitting with Samantha, sipping a beer and looking relaxed…completely oblivious to the bounty on her head.

From now on, Jade is not anywhere out of his sight.

* * *

 

Eric stands in the Pit, drinking a beer and only half-listening to the other guys.  His anxiety over Jade is leveling at a new high, and he’s only here for appearances. He’s been watching her all night from where she sits with her friends, finding himself sweeping the Pit for possible signs of danger. Knowing there’s a traitor lurking in the compound, waiting to grab Jade at any moment has him ready to pounce. As he scans the crowd for the countless time, Logan raises his brow, noticing Eric’s tense expression.

"What the fuck's up with you, man? You look like you're about to seriously fuck someone up."

"Just same old shit, different day. 

Eric forces himself to snap out of it. He has a part to play right now, and that includes keeping appearances that everything is fine. Taking a smoke out of his pocket, he tunes in to the conversation going on around him. 

“-Look, this is a simple fix.”

Jason rolls his eyes, puffing on his cigarette. Putting his hand on the rail, he looks to Sebastian with an exasperated sigh. “Whenever Samantha is being a bitch, it’s usually because she needs dick and attention. When she starts to piss me off, I take her bratty ass to bed, bend her over, and fuck the attitude right out of her.” Smoke billows around his head as he exhales, giving a cocky grin.

“Works like a fucking charm.”

The others chuckle but Sebastian shakes his head. “Rachel’s pretty fucking pissed, and doesn’t seem to be getting over it anytime soon.” He takes a sip of his beer, his frustration visible. Eric looks at him questioningly. “What did you supposedly do?” Sebastian pulls his own smoke out, his temper beginning to show as he angrily lights it. “The one damn time I really didn’t do anything, this bullshit happens.” He turns to Eric with a clenched jaw.

“Rachel thinks I fucked Tiffany Rogers that night on Oak Street…even though I didn’t. Now she won’t really talk to me.”

“At all? Not even to bitch about it?”

Sebastian exhales loudly, rubbing his jaw. “That’s the thing…I was prepared for a fucking screaming match, and it wasn’t…at all. She really didn’t say anything. She’s acting like it’s not a problem, when it clearly is. She won’t answer her fucking phone, and now she’s always ‘busy’. I’ve about fucking had it. 

Brady shrugs, taking a sip of his beer. “If you feel that strongly about it, maybe you should, I don’t know…fucking do something about it, man.” Sebastian narrows his eyes, ashing his cigarette. 

“What am I supposed to do? Throw her over my shoulder, drag her ass back to my place and make her work this out with me?”

“If you really want her, and that’s what it’s going to take…then yes.”

All the guys turn to Brady with surprise. He chuckles lowly, lighting his own cigarette. “Look,” he begins in an exasperated tone, “You said Rachel is yours…but does she know that?” Sebastian shakes his head in confusion. “I’ve been with her almost every night for a while…so yeah.” Brady sighs, running a hand over his head.

“Yeah, you fuck her every night…but have you made it clear that it’s more than just fucking? You’ve had that discussion?”

Sebastian stares at him for a minute, not certain what he’s getting at. He shrugs, giving a cocky smirk. “Well….’talking’ isn’t really what I do with her most of the time.” Brady nods with a knowing expression.

“Real talk, man…you do realize that even though Cross here gives you a significant run for your money, “ he gestures toward Jason, “-You’re still known as one of the biggest pussy hounds in Dauntless, right?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well…maybe Rachel thinks she was just a number on your roster, and now her time is up. You haven’t bothered to explain otherwise, and now maybe she thinks she’s been replaced.”

Logan takes a sip of beer, eying Sebastian over the brim. “Or…maybe it’s now the other way around.” Sebastian whips his eye to his.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“What I mean, is that she thinks she’s been replaced…and that she’s now free to replace _you_.”

 Sebastian stares at him for minute, his face contorting in rage. “You think she’s fucking someone else now?” he snaps. Brady and Logan look at each other and shrug. “It’s a possibility…” he murmurs. Looking hesitant for a minute, Brady finally decides to say what’s on his mind.

 “Look…Leah was pulling this same shit, until I finally had enough. Like Rachel, she wasn’t answering me either. I got sick of it, and as this asshole pointed out,” he pretends to glare at Logan with a smirk, “If I didn’t do something about it, someone else is going to.”

Eric ashes his cigarette, nodding in agreement. “I find no fault with this logic.  Dauntless chicks like to act like they’re these badass bitches that no one can control, but secretly they like it when they’re put in their place.”

Taking a sip of his beer, he turns his eyes back to where Jade is sitting with Samantha. She looks up and catches his eye, giving a small smile then turning back to her conversation. Eric faces Sebastian again.

“I agree this is a simple fix…all you have to do is remember you’re the one with the dick, and fucking act like it. Over my dead fucking body will I ever be a slave to pussy, nor will any bitch ever run me. That includes Jade. I wouldn’t let her ignore me, as if she were the one that holds the reins. I handled my shit with her, and there’s no question about where she and I stand.”

Eric shrugs. “I’m just saying…if you haven’t made yourself clear, you better do it real fucking quick, before someone else snakes her. If that hasn’t happened already, while you’ve been bitching about her avoiding you…when you could’ve worked your shit out a while ago.”

Sebastian rubs his chin, a thoughtful expression coming over him as he sees his friends’ point. “You know what? I think you guys are right, and I have some shit to handle.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket. He nods at the others, as he finishes his beer. “I’ll see you guys later.”

Eric turns his attention back to Jade as Sebastian leaves, a moment of clarity coming over him. He’s been waiting for the right time to take the next step, knowing what he has in mind was going to be met with opposition. He put it in to motion a while ago, anticipating things would’ve progressed to that point anyway by then.

But he can’t afford to wait on this. The stakes are too high, and he could lose her literally and figuratively if this little power struggle between himself and Jeanine doesn’t come to a head. Jeanine won’t take Jade away from him… _no one_ will take Jade away from him. Eric takes a drag of his cigarette, feeling his determination set in.

Looks like it’s time to take his own advice.

* * *

 

  **JADE**

I slam my drink down beside me. “Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute….so did Sebastian actually fuck her, or is Rachel just convinced he did?” I ask incredulously. Samantha shrugs, taking another sip of beer. 

“She said Tiffany practically mounted him in front of everyone, and he didn’t push her off, so yeah, I think she’s convinced something happened…”

“But I thought he took her home?”

“He did…and wasn’t there when she woke up.”

Exhaling loudly, I purse my lips. “Well, I would hope it wasn’t true, but this _is_ Sebastian we’re talking about…” Samantha turns her palms up. “Well, at least Rachel isn’t letting it get her down. She said they were never a thing, so she’s trying to just cut bait. I don’t really blame her…it’s not like Sebastian would ever be with just one woman. At least Rachel was smart enough to see it for what it is, and getting out before she gets hurt…”

Samantha’s voice catches strangely at the end, and an uncomfortable silence falls over us for a moment. A sympathetic smile pulls at the corner of my mouth, as I know what she’s saying, without saying it. She means like her situation with Jason. He’s not as smart as he thinks he is…he’s not fooling the woman he claims to love and going to marry. 

Though she never talks about it, and we never bring it up, Samantha is well-aware of her fiancé’s illicit dalliances, as it would kind of be hard to ignore. But…though I don’t ask, and she doesn’t offer, I have feeling she’s not so innocent herself. She was right, that night I told my friends about sleeping with Eric.

She wouldn’t have judged, and I should’ve trusted them more.

Just then, my phone beeps with a text. “Leah’s not coming,” I say, snapping my phone closed after reading her message. “She’s got a ton of work to do.” Samantha nods thoughtfully, swirling her drink.

“I bet she does…the Founder’s Ball is only two weeks away. She’s probably slammed.”

“Yeah, she is…her clothes are selling faster than she can make them.”

Samantha crosses her legs, taking another sip. “By the way, I have tomorrow off, and Jason is working…do you want to want to do a little shopping? What time are you getting home from work?” she asks. Frowning, I put my drink down with a sigh. “Well…I _was_ working tomorrow, but now I have the whole day free, so we can go whenever.” Samantha takes notice of my scowl.

“Well, that’s a good thing right?”

“I don’t really know.”

“What do you mean?”

Turning my palms up, I purse my lips in displeasure. “Well, you know how I had that meeting with Jeanine a few days ago?” She nods, and I continue.

“I think I may have fucked something up, but I don’t know what. Max called me into his office today, to tell me that he’s pulling me from my rotation for a while. I won’t be traveling to any other faction until he says so, and I’m only going to have meetings by telephone conference. But he didn’t really give me a reason why, just that my visits were suspended.”

Samantha raises her brows in surprise. “Did he seem angry? Did he mention Erudite?” I shake my head no. “That’s the thing, he didn’t mention it at all, and Max is not the type of guy to be silent when someone on his staff fucks up. Something about the council for each faction deciding the same thing, because of the uprisings. But quite frankly I’m insulted.” Huffing, I take another sip of my drink.

“Insulted how?” she asks.

“Because I’m fucking Dauntless, for Christs’ sake…I could see suspending the Abnegation because they would be easy targets, and the Amity as well, but Dauntless shouldn’t be included in that. Not to mention…I did rank first in initiation, and went undefeated in the fighting portion. If something popped off, I could more than handle myself.”

Samantha chuckles ruefully. “It’s kind of hypocritical on Max’s part if you ask me. Like you said, we’re Dauntless. We’re not supposed to hide from conflict or danger, we’re supposed to squash it. Are you sure it’s just Max’s decision? Did he have some sort of other influence?” My eyes snap to hers.

“What do you mean, other influence? Max doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do…”

“Yeah I know that, but did Eric have anything to do with it?”

“What would Eric have to do with it?”

“I don’t know…is there some reason Eric wouldn’t want you going to other factions? You did say he messed with your schedule before…is there any reason you can think of that he’d want to keep you at Dauntless?”

Staring at her, I realize that hadn’t occurred to me…and she’s right. When Eric and I were hiding our relationship before, he interfered with my rotation. He kept me out of Amity because of Ayden, but that’s not an issue now. What motivation could he have for keeping me at Dauntless? It doesn’t make sense.  Shaking my head in bewilderment, I take another sip.

“Shit…I don’t know…”

“Well…here’s your chance to ask him.”

Samantha nods over my shoulder. To my surprise, I turn to see Eric heading our way. My breath catches, as there’s something off. There’s a wild air about him, and his chest is heaving slightly. He only looks like this when he’s furious.

“Hey,” I greet him cautiously. My smile begins to falter, as he ignores Samantha and wraps his arms around me. “Hey,” he whispers. Completely caught off guard, I try to keep my surprise from showing as I gently place my hands on his broad shoulders. We’re _never_ affectionate in public, and we don’t even hang out in the Pit together. This isn’t like him, and he’s giving off a weird vibe. 

“What’re you doing down here?” I ask, giving him a fleeting kiss.

“I can’t come down and see you?”

“Of course you can…I’m just surprised.”

Eric doesn’t answer me for a minute, and I pull back to look at him. Something is definitely up. There’s an almost panicked look in his eye, unless I’m imagining it. “Everything okay?” I ask lightly, still trying to figure it out. Eric exhales loudly, his eyes searching my face for a moment. “Eric,” I demand in a firmer tone this time, my alarm starting to raise. “What is it?”

There’s a long pause, then Eric pulls a cigarette out of his jacket. “Just some bullshit with the council... the usual.” Not certain I believe him, I scrutinize his face for a second. He won’t look directly at me, and he’s very tense. Something is going on that he doesn’t want to tell me. _Council business is council business, and none of yours_ , I remind myself. Eric is a Dauntless leader, and there are things that go on with the council I don’t know for a reason…and I probably don’t want to.

Samantha looks back and forth between us, picking up on the hint to make her exit. “I should get going,” she declares, finishing her drink. “Jason’s probably waiting for me.” Tossing the empty bottle in the trash, she nods at Eric and looks at me.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, text me when you wake up, and I’ll meet you at the train yard.”

“Will do.”

After she leaves, Eric reaches down and grabs my hand. Surprised, I look up as he pulls me toward him. His eyes search my face, and I’m again puzzled by his strange behavior. He’s looking at me like I’m made of glass, and I’ve never seen him visibly worked up. He normally gives nothing away. 

“Let’s go home…I have something I want to talk to you about.”

Pecking another kiss on his jaw, my eyes search his face. "Good or bad?" Eric looks away for second, taking a deep breath. “I’m hoping good…” I bite my lip in a smile, deciding to lighten the mood.

“What…are you pregnant? That’s usually what a chick says before telling her man she’s knocked up,” I joke.

Eric scoffs with a wry smirk. "No.....why? Are you?" He says it jovially, but there’s a strange look in his eye. Pretending to pout, I purse my lips.

"Of course not...is that your subtle way telling me I’m getting fat?"

"I wouldn't be subtle about it. I'd tell you to get your ass to the gym, if you were." 

"You are such an asshole." 

"Whatever. There's a reason I'm not in Amity." 

"Maybe you should have joined Candor."

Deciding to shrug it off, I decide there’s only one way I can help him right now, and I’m kind of eager for it myself. “Let’s get out of here,” I whisper, and he nods. We begin to make our way to the elevator, hand in hand.

As we’re waiting for it to reach the bottom floor, Eric pulls me into his arms. He kisses me deep and slow, nearly sweeping me off my feet. “What was that for?” I ask in a breathless whisper as we finally break apart. Looking at me with ardent, determined eyes, he touches his forehead to mine.

“Just been thinking about you all day.”

“What exactly have you been thinking about?”

“I’ll show you, once we get behind closed doors.”

Grinning, I bring my mouth to his again, not really caring who sees us. Eric and I are no longer a secret, so there’s no reason to act like it. “Well…” I purr, hoping to lighten his mood, “We’ll have the elevator to ourselves…if you’re feeling adventurous…” I wiggle my brows suggestively, and the corners of his mouth turn up.

Just as he’s about to say something, his phone rings with the council signal. “Goddamn it,” he swears under his breath. “Coulter…what…when…how many…” I bite my lip and stare at the floor, as Eric grows more and more agitated. 

“Fuck,” Eric snarls into the receiver suddenly, making me jump. His face twists in a furious snarl, as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’ll be there in a minute,” he snaps, hanging up. He turns to me again, his frustration evident.

“I have to go…council matter. I’ll be home as soon as it’s dealt with.

“Should I wait up?”

“I don’t know…I’ll try to finish as soon as I can.”

Eric kisses me again, just as the elevator doors swing open. “Hurry,” I whisper, giving him another kiss. He rolls his eyes, kissing me back. “Believe me, I don’t even want to go. I’ll wake you up when I get back.” He turns to leave just as I step into the elevator. “Hold the door,” someone says, then three armed Dauntless soldiers step on with me.

“Hey Jade,” Kylie, one of them greets me, shifting her gun in her hand. She smiles, as the other two nod.

“Just coming off shift?” I ask. She looks at me in confusion for a minute, then the other two seem to remind her of something with their looks. She quickly nods.

“Ah…yeah…yes.” 

I glance between the three of them, feeling like I’m missing something. They’re glancing nervously at each other, and won’t quite meet my eye. “What floor do you need?” I ask, my finger hovering over the button.

“The top,” Kylie says. Looking at her questioningly, I frown as I push for the top floor. The only residence on the top floor is Eric’s….why would they be going there? Evan, the other soldier sees my look and quickly explains. “Security sweep…we have to test the security cameras on all the floors, and we have to get to the roof and install new ones. The only way there is through the exit stairwell outside of Eric’s place. We’re working our way down.” My mouth puckers, as it still doesn’t quite make sense. 

“Okay…if you say so.”

When the car stops on my floor, Evan gets out first. The other two step in front of me, almost as if to shield me. What the fuck are they doing? My mind asks. Holding his rifle in front of him, Evan quickly looks to the left and right, then moves out of the way. The other two follow, and I step off of the elevator, looking at the three of them in open question.

Kylie shrugs apologetically. “Bye Jade.” She moves to join them as they inspect the camera outside of Eric’s door, and I just shake my head. I get inside Eric’s penthouse, stretching out on the bed. Lacing my hands over my stomach, my mind starts to wander. Thinking back over the events of the last few days and to tonight, something feels off….and I can’t figure out what it is. It’s feel like something is happening right in front of me, but I just can’t see it.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think I’m being watched…

 Sighing again, I just take off my clothes and slip under the covers, resolving to get a quick nap in before Eric comes back. Things have been going well between us lately, and I remind myself not to mess that up, by making up problems that don’t exist. 

* * *

 

**LATER THAT NIGHT**

A tingling sensation slowly envelops my whole body, stirring me from my slumber.

Blinking sleepily, I turn to my right and see the clock on the nightstand reads well past 2 AM. Not fully awake, I’m not certain I’m not dreaming, so I collapse back down on my pillow. I feel my hair being pushed aside and kisses on the back of my neck. As I begin to stir, I feel Eric’s large hand trailing down my back, over my waist to my ass, then sliding to fit snugly between my legs. 

“Wake up…I’ve been waiting for this all night…” he rumbles, his breath hot on the shell of my ear.

He nibbles along my shoulders, pressing his body close against mine. As his fingers slowly and gently penetrate my warm, wet core, my mouth rounds in pleasure, with my hips moving suggestively against his rhythm. “Oh, fuck…” I pant, as my walls clench around him.

“Wake up,” he commands again, teasing me with aggressive nips along my neck. His stroke increases in tempo, making my body respond in similar fashion.

I prop myself on my elbows to turn around. But before I get the chance, he yanks the covers off and pulls me to the edge. “Oh, fuck…Eric…” my cries are muffled by the mattress, as I feel his tongue dive between my folds. As I grip the sheets for dear life, Eric grabs my ass and spreads me wider, giving him better access. His slight stubble rubs against the sensitive skin between my thighs, making my whole body come alive.

Before long, I’m completely drenched, swollen, and shivering with the need for release. Just when I’m about to come undone, he flips me over.  With a sinful smile, he grabs my legs and wraps them around his waist. He buries himself completely inside me, setting a hard, fast pace. I can’t stop his name from spilling from my lips, startled at his surprisingly intrusive entrance and rougher-than-usual manner….

That I absolutely fucking love.  

It doesn’t take long for my body to respond to his demands. With no warning, my orgasm sears through my entire being, with one last scream of his name escaping.  Eric isn’t even a second behind, taking only a few more decisive thrusts to join me. “Jade,” he growls low and viciously, collapsing over me.

I stroke the back of his head for a while, basking in the afterglow. “That’s one way to wake me up, and I think it’s my new favorite,” I giggle, kissing his forehead. Eric takes a deep breath against my shoulder and neck, then slowly picks his head up. My smile drains when I see an almost anguished expression on his normally stoic face. He exhales slowly, his eyes searching my face.

“Promise me you won’t leave.”

Startled by his shift in mood, I start to sit up with wide eyes. A long silence passes, as he gazes back at me. “Eric, what the fuck is going on? What has you so-“

“Jade!” he interjects, squeezing his eyes tightly. “Don’t argue with me…Not right now, okay? Just…not right now. I just need you to promise me you won’t leave.” His voice is between a whisper and a prayer, and I’m completely dumbfounded. I’ve never seen Eric in a moment of vulnerability, and I’m out of my element.

Stroking my thumbs over his cheekbones, I bring his face to mine. “Eric,” I whisper, feeling my hands start to shake. “I don’t want to leave…you have me…I’m not going anywhere….”

Unable to restrain himself any longer, his body covers mine again. His mouth claims mine, going from tame to wild. Hastily pushing my knees further apart, the intensity of our kiss deepens as he slides into me again.  

As we chase our second release, he sits up, pulling me with him and wraps his arms around the small of my back, Our mouths, as well as every other part of us than can be, stay connected, and I've never felt more whole and complete than I do in this moment.

As I break our kiss to take a breath, Eric touches his forehead to mine. I close my eyes as he rocks into me, gripping his strong shoulders. I tilt my head back as he kisses behind my ear, his breath hot on my skin.

Eric winds his hand in my hair and gently pulls my head back. "Promise you won't leave ever again......" Taking a deep breath, I stroke the side of his face. "Eric..." I whisper, touching his forehead to mine, "I promise I won't leave until you want me gone..." He looks down for a minute, looking as if he’s struggling with something internally, not knowing how to get it out. "Jade,” He whispers, holding me tighter. I feel the familiar ball of heat start to expand through my lower body, clouding my head and making everything hazy. I meet his eyes, and our connection, silent and strong speaks volumes. 

I won't leave, and he won't let me go if I try.  

As we find our release together, I throw my head back, as Eric scrunches his eyes shut, open mouthed against my chest. We collapse together, both finally spent and replete. As he wraps his arms around me, I entwine my fingers with his as he kisses softly behind my ear. 

“I’m going to hold you to that promise,” he whispers.

* * *

 

**THE NEXT MORNING**

Samantha ended up being busy, and Eric said he had something he had to show me today. Walking into HQ, Brady greets me with a nod. "Hey Jade. You can go in. He'll be right back."  I make my way into Eric’s office, sinking down into his desk chair. A wistful smile comes over me, as I think of the first meeting Eric and I had in this office.   

What a long way we've come, between then and now. 

As I’m waiting for Eric to come back, I start to twist lightly from side to side. My curiosity at whatever it is he wants to show me is making me uncharacteristically impatient. I hate surprises, and if it’s coming from Eric, I’m not entirely sure I’m going to like whatever it is. Especially as out of sorts as he was acting last night. As I spin my chair again, my eye suddenly lands on a framed photo…of myself.   

Skimming my fingers along the desk, I reach over and grab it. This was taken the night of my birthday…Eric and I are sitting by the fire, me draped across his lap and his arms around my waist. I’d clearly had a little too much to drink at this point, which is typical. He’s leaning into me, with our faces touching. I have slight smile on my face, but Eric only has a hint of one on his.  Completely oblivious to everyone around us, it’s like we’re the only two people in the world. In this moment, I see something I never have before.

I see the way Eric looks at me…but what I’ve never seen, is how I look at him.

Brushing my fingers over the photo, my heart starts to beat faster as I take in my expression. I barely recognize myself. I look happy, relaxed, and at ease. Most photos of me are with a forced smile or none at all. Eric looks different too. I’ve of course seen the way he looks at me, but never from an objective perspective. My heart jumps a little, as I see us the way everyone else see us. We look happy…we look like…almost as if we’re…

"That one is my favorite," Eric's voice booms, interrupting my train of thought. 

My eyes connect with his, as he crosses into the room. Slowly rising from my chair, I slide into his arms as he reaches the desk. “Where did you get this?” I whisper, planting a kiss on his jaw.

Eric smirks as he brushes a strand of hair from my forehead.  "I have my ways. What’s the big deal?" I purse my lips, then kiss him again. 

"I'm surprised, is all. There's no pictures at all at home." 

"There’s a reason for that.”

"What do you mean?" 

Eric smiles as he kisses me again. "What I didn’t get a chance to talk to you about last night. C'mon, I've been waiting all day to show you," he says impatiently as he tugs me towards the door.

“I’m coming! Keep your fucking shirt on.”

Leaning over, I’m trying to put the picture back, when my elbow accidentally knocks a large folder off the desk. “Shit,” I mumble, as several photographs fall to the floor. “Hold on, let me get these…” Hastily moving to pick them up, I glance up and do a double take at Eric’s expression. There’s a slight look of panic, as he takes a step toward me.

“No, leave them…I’ll get it later…”

“Why? Just give me a second...”

“Jade, no…”

He starts to protest again, grabbing my hand to pull me toward the door. “Eric,” I start to protest, confused by his reaction. Kneeling down, I begin to pick them up. “Just give me a second…I’ll…just….” I trail off my eyes become transfixed on the pile of images in front me.

These are pictures of me….and my mom. They all are.  

Holding them carefully by the edges, I flip through them slowly. Something is different about these. They were taken in the city, like the train yard outside Abnegation. Some are of me leaving meetings at the Hub, a few are of me with my mom at our weekly dinner. Some are of Tamra delivering ammunition, and some of her are on the Dauntless shooting range. Questions begin to fire like bullets in my brain.

When were these taken? Why were these taken? Why didn’t I know about them? Why does Eric have them?

I look up at Eric, about to ask these very things, when he shrugs. “Erudite developed a new surveillance model for the city. With all the factionless uprisings as of late, we have to get a clearer picture of the perpetrators, and we put a few test devices out in the city. We decided to use you and Tamra as one of the test subjects,” he explains.

Something about his story isn’t adding up. Though it’s perfectly plausible, it still doesn’t make sense…and why didn’t he want me to see them? A sneaking suspicion worms it’s way into my mind, but this time, I’m not going to be silent about it. He was acting strangely last night, and then three soldiers practically walked with me to Eric’s door. Drawing myself up, I take a step toward him and force him to meet my eye.

“Eric…are you having me followed for some reason?”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute, setting his jaw. “Jade…there’s no reason for me to follow you. There’s nothing you do that I don’t already know about. I just told you…we’re testing the new surveillance model, and used you as practice, that’s all. I have no reason to have you, or your mother…” he nods towards Tamra’s photo, “…followed. I just happened to grab the ones I saw of you.”

I sigh deeply, running a hand through my hair. “Well…why didn’t you just say that?”

“I did…and you’re still determined to make an argument out of it.”

Realizing he’s right, I just shrug and put the folder on his desk. I don’t want to fight, and I don’t want this to get blown out of proportion. Deciding to drop it, I let Eric take my hand as he leads us out of HQ and through one of the tunnels.

"Where are we going? Are we leaving the compound?" I’m truly curious now, but Eric gives nothing away. 

"Yes, but we're not going far. Just across the street."  

We make our way out the main compound, through the side doors and out into the street. "This way," he says as he leads me past several tall buildings. Eric leads me into a large building just beside the other buildings sectioned for Dauntless housing. It has architecture that looks like it must be ancient, but there's a rich, warm feel to it as well. We go in, and I notice several rooms that are gutted, and undergoing construction.  Eric presses for the top floor on the elevator. I turn to him and narrow my eyes with a smile.  

"Are you going to tell me now?" 

"Patience is a virtue, Jade." 

"Well good thing it's not a faction, because I would've transferred from it." 

"Touché." 

"Am I going to like this?" 

"Hopefully so." 

The elevator stops on the top floor, and Eric leads me to a set of double doors. After he punches a code into a box, there’s a buzzing sound. The doors swing open, with Eric gesturing for me to go in. As I walk into the unit, my eyes round in astonishment. “Holy shit,” I exclaim.

The panoramic view of Chicago is breathtaking. The windows are floor to ceiling, stretching all the way up to the open, second floor. Glancing around, I take stock of the interior. The floors are a marble tile, and several rooms are sectioned off, but the doors still open. It looks like it was an office at one point in time. There’re several sheets laying over the floor, with the smell of fresh paint in the air. Several broken chairs and some construction materials are laying around in some of the rooms. 

Walking in further, I pass what looks like a double kitchen. It's got a long island and several cabinets. Plates and glasses are sitting on the expansive counters, looking as though they came from a different time. I pass a wide, open room that's on a higher plane then the rest, that resembles an old conference room. Eric laces his hand with mine as we begin to stroll through. 

"Did this used to be an office?" I ask.

"Yes. The whole building was. This floor was where the owner of the business held all of his work functions.”

"Wow....this whole floor?" 

"Yeah, he was one of the richest men in Chicago, a really, really long time ago. After he died, it was handed down throughout his family, until there was no one left. It hasn't been used since the city was closed off." 

We walk up to the second floor, that has the same marble flooring. There are several closed off rooms, and one large room that has a fireplace in it. The view is best here, with all of Chicago in sight. As we walk down a spiral staircase, I see the downstairs has a fireplace as well, tucked into the corner. I look at him, still not understanding why he brought me here. 

"Is this going to be your new office, or the Dauntless council room?" Eric doesn’t answer me, as my fingers skim along the window. "I assume the Dauntless are claiming the building now, or something," I say absently. Turning to face him, I find him smiling at me wryly.

"What?"

I’m truly confused, as he doesn’t answer me but is clearly looking for some sort of reaction. He wraps his arms around me and presses his forehead to mine. "I thought the fireplace and the view would've been a pretty big clue.” I pull back and narrow my eyes with a smile. 

"A clue for what? Eric, what's going on? What is this place?" 

"Do you like it?" 

"Yeah, it's fucking awesome…why?" 

The smile slowly drains from his face, as he takes a deep breath. 

“Do you like it enough to live here with me?”

Time seems to stand still, as I begin to process what he just said. For a second, I’m not certain I heard him correctly. My eyes grow round, as I feel my whole body begin to strum with an unfamiliar energy. Eric gazes at me intently, waiting for his answer.

He wants me to live here with him......he wants me to be here for good. 

Several rushed moments pass between us, as I finally find my voice. “This…this is going to be your new home? You’re asking me to live…to live here with you? You want to move in together?” I whisper, still not quite believing it as I say it. Eric nods, never breaking eye contact.

“The Dauntless housing buildings are in desperate need of repairs, they’re no longer structurally sound. This building and the one beside it are being converted from old offices to housing units, not only for upgrades, but because we’ll need to expand. With the new population requirements, we expect a significant population boom in the next few years. I claimed this unit as mine…ours…already. I’m having everything renovated. It’ll be completely finished in a few months. We'll move in right before the next initiate class comes through.”

Seeing my expression of panic, he quickly prepares to strike down any argument I may present.

“Jade, we pretty much live together anyway.”

“I know but…”

“But what?”

“Eric…don’t you think it’s a little fast? We haven’t even been together for a year…

“What does that matter?”

“It means we fight as much as we fuck…and sometimes we need a little breathing room from each other. I’m just worried it’s a little too soon…”

I stroll into the kitchen area, trying to get my bearings. Resting my hands on the counter, I look up to see him trailing behind, staring at me intently. “I’m not saying no…I’m saying let me think about it…okay?”

Our gazes remain locked, neither one of us willing to yield to the other. This isn’t something I can go into blindly. I couldn’t take this step with Ayden, and I’m not certain I can do it with Eric either. Not because I don’t want to live with him, but because the next step after that is what I’m not ready for…and I’m not certain I ever will be.

In an effort to break the tension, I crack a smile he doesn’t return.

“This place is huge. What would we do with all of this space? We only need one bedroom, and there’s a million." Eric's eyes soften as he presses his forehead to mine. “It’s only a matter of time before we’ll need the extra room," he whispers. My heart thuds in my ears, realizing what he means… it's also the third time he's said it.

I never told Eric that I’m still taking the serum, and he’s clearly worried about getting me pregnant. But after we’ve been sleeping together for months with nothing happening, he surely must’ve realized by now…

Taking a deep breath, I decide we might as well tell him. There’s no need for him to worry about something I’ve already handled.

“You don’t have to worry about any accidents, Eric. I’ve got it under control.”

Visibly surprised, Eric doesn't say anything for a moment, then looks at me with an unreadable expression. I kiss him soundly, pulling back with a smile. It falters though, when he narrows his eyes. “Accident…what are you talking about? What do you mean ‘accident’?” he asks slowly.

“You’re talking about if you knock me up, right?”

Eric inhales sharply, and a strange energy starts to crackle between us. We’ve never had an outright discussion about the future, as I didn’t see this as lasting as long as it has. But we obviously need to get this out in the open, since we’re considering the next step. I need to make it clear that the next step for us will not be children, now or anytime soon.

"I wouldn't necessarily call it an 'accident', but yes," he finally responds, a strange look dawning in his eye. The hard edge in his tone catches my attention, and I turn to him fully. 

“Eric….” Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him carelessly. “Relax. There’s nothing to worry about. The Erudite know what they’re doing.” His face flickers in confusion, as I kiss him again and move to break away. His hand darts out and pulls me back, his expression like pure stone.  

"What the fuck are you talking about? The Erudite know what they’re doing with what?”

"You know what I’m talking about…”

"No, I obviously don't…" 

My mouth rounds, as I see he really doesn’t get it. "My contraceptive serum, that I take like clockwork. I've never missed it." Eric doesn’t say anything for a moment. A furious expression suddenly hardens his features. A thick tension suddenly blankets the room, that I don't understand.

"Contraceptive serum? How the fuck are you still getting that?" he hisses incredulously.

Jumping at the hard edge in his tone, I’m caught completely off guard. Trying to find my voice, he again snaps at me.

"I asked you a fucking question, Jade. Answer me...now," he demands. His posture is tense, and his mouth is set in hard line. I shake my head silently, completely confused. Why? What could he possibly be pissed off about? 

My shock wears off, anger taking its’ place. Squaring my shoulders, I step closer. “Why don’t you ask it again, only this time, lose the attitude, correct your tone, and watch your fucking mouth, and maybe I’ll answer you,” I growl in response. He inhales sharply, his rage coming to the surface.

"You never told me…" 

"I didn't think I had to. I thought it was obvious." 

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" 

My heart pounds harder, as he tightens his grip and steps closer. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He repeats in a snarl. Narrowing my eyes, I turn to walk away when I feel his hand on my arm again. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” he snaps harshly.

"Wherever the fuck I want to go!” I hiss, jerking my arm free. "You’ve been acting like a lunatic since last night, and to save my fucking life, I can't figure out why. So why don't you cut the shit and tell me, instead of huffing and puffing like a child? What is your fucking problem, Eric? What arbitrary line have I supposedly crossed now?" I meet his stare with my own, placing my hands on my hips. 

"I don't like that you keep secrets from me," he growls. 

"This was hardly a secret, Eric. I never hid anything." 

"Then why didn't you tell me?" 

"Why didn't you ask?" 

"Stop twisting shit..." 

I roll my eyes as I throw my hands in the air. "I'm not twisting anything! What are you so pissed about? Do you even know?" I demand angrily. 

Eric glares at me openly, taking a step forward. "I'm pissed because you’re keeping secrets from me. This is something I should've known, but you never said a fucking word, and I want to know why," he snarls. My anger takes over, and I step forward as well, keeping my voice in a deadly low tone. 

"I never said anything, because I didn't think I had to, it should've been obvious. We’re not exactly the kind of couple that shares every little detail either. Once again.....what are you so pissed about? I would think you'd be pissed if I wasn't taking it...but quite frankly, I don't know why you care at all!"

"I care because you kept it from me, when there was no reason to. What else are you not telling me?" 

"Eric, I didn't keep anything from you. We never talked about it, because a decision I make for my own fucking body, is none of your Goddamn business,  _that’s why_!” I scream, feeling white-hot fury sear through me. 

Eric glowers at me incredulously, rage twisting his features. “None of my business? How the fuck is this none of my business? You’ve been lying to me for months-” he snatches a plate sitting on the counter. I jump as he spikes it on tile floor, shattering it into a million pieces. 

_“-and you dare to say this is none of my fucking business_?” he roars. 

Fire begins to burn in my eyes, as I feel my wrath rising. Confusion battles with rage, as I have no idea why we’re even having this argument…this isn’t something he should be upset about…and it’s not his decision anyway. 

“What…was that supposed to scare me? You’re so fucking pathetic. But you know what, let me try it…” 

An almost maniacal laugh escapes me, as I snatch an empty bottle on the counter. Hurling it with all my might, it crashes on the wall behind him. 

“Oh, is that how I can get what I want? Throwing things like a fucking toddler? Are you afraid of me now?” I snarl, as Eric shields himself from the spray of glass raining down on him.  

His face is mottled with rage as he finally looks up. Our collective fury radiates in an almost physical force around us, as we face off. My eyes narrow as my fists clench at my sides, as Eric’s chest heaves in anger. 

“How long Jade? Why’re you taking it? How are you even getting it?” he demands.

Forcing myself to calm down, Amanda’s face flashes through my mind. I don’t want to lie to him, but I can’t let her be punished for helping me either…he’ll show her no mercy. Tipping my chin, I mentally prepare myself for this showdown.

“I don’t owe you any fucking explanations. But I do feel the need to correct you on several things…the first one being, I didn’t lie to you about this…you never bothered to ask, and I assumed you’d figured it out already.”

“You never told me!”

“Jesus Christ, Eric! I know you transferred from Erudite for a reason, but you aren’t a complete idiot…I didn’t think I had to tell you. This should’ve been obvious…”

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" 

The ferocity in his voice sends chills down my spine. My heart races as I grit my teeth in anger. "Oh my God, I really am going to spell this out for you, aren’t I," I snap in a condescending tone, rolling my eyes. 

“In plain fucking English, we've been fucking each other’s brains out for months now, usually more than twice a night. How the fuck have you not figured out before now, that if at least one of us didn’t have the good sense to take some sort of precaution, I’d more than likely be due any day!”

Eric doesn’t respond, his dark glower feeling like it’s burning my face. Crossing my arms defiantly, I never break his gaze.

“Again, not that I have to explain a fucking thing to you, but I’ve been taking it since before we ever started fucking…and I’m going to keep taking it whether you like it or not. We aren’t exactly on solid ground, nor did we start out with the best of intentions.” My eyes begin to flash as I continue.  

“Getting knocked up would be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen…you seem to forget one pertinent fact; I am the one that’s stuck, Eric. You can go on your merry way if you decided, but I would be left to pick up the pieces…alone. So excuse the fuck out of me, if I did the responsible thing by taking measures to prevent a baby from coming out of my own fucking body…which is not your fucking decision by the way…that I don’t fucking want, when you wouldn't care, and might not even be around in a year!" I end in a yell. 

Eric blinks several times, then his face becoming an unreadable mask. Thunderous silence falls between us as we glare at each other, both of us furious. "Jade," he says in a low voice, "I don't know how many times we have to go over this, but you know as well as I do that things are not the same as they were a few months ago. You should have told me-" 

"What exactly is different?" I cut in. 

Eric stares at me for a moment as I look at him expectedly. I cross my arms, raising my eyebrows. "Well? What's different, besides us not hating each other? You and I both know how this started out. Your agenda may have changed, but I still don’t fully trust you. I really don't want a permanent souvenir from a man who could decide he's bored one day and toss me aside without another thought!" I yell, desperately trying to blink my tears away. Eric narrows his eyes.  

"Or maybe you just don't want one from someone else," he seethes. 

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I sputter, confused. 

Eric eyes me with a chilling expression. "Maybe you don't want to have to explain when the kid comes out looking nothing like me. Usually in Dauntless, only the Reserves get away with still using the serum…and you were fucking someone else when we started. Is that what you’re worried about? That it might be someone else’s kid…from whoever…”  He trails off, unable to finish.

He looks away, knowing that he's completely full of shit, and knowing I know it to. After a long moment of silence, I take a deep breath and look at him squarely. 

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response…and I won't stand here and listen to you grasp at straws, making accusations you know have no basis." Once I push the tears from my eyes, I look up to see him staring back at me blankly. With a shaky breath, I continue.

“But I am going to thank you. Thank you for reminding me of how I would’ve ruined my fucking life if I hadn’t been responsible. Thank you for reminding me of what a piss poor human being you really are, and what a fucking nightmare it would be, having a lifelong bond with an asshole like you. If there were any remote doubt that I made the absolute best decision of my life, you just completely erased it."

Turning on my heel, I stalk towards the door, hearing Eric’s steady footsteps behind me. “Jade…wait. I didn’t mean…” Whipping around to face him, I curse the tears pooled in my eyes.

“Yes, you did…so in the interest of saving time, let me go ahead and give my answer. No, I will not move in with you here, or anywhere else. I will not live with a man that thinks I’m such a whore. In other words, _go fuck yourself_ from now on, because I won’t be.”

With that, I walk out, slamming the door behind me. The elevator immediately opens to my relief, and I step on gratefully. As the car carries me to the first floor, I can no longer hold my tears. “What the fuck just happened,” I mutter, still in complete shock. None of this makes sense. I’ve felt for a while that something has been going on right under my nose, but I can’t put my finger on it.

Wiping the tears away, I quickly make my way back toward Dauntless. Once I get through the scanner, I hurry down the rocky path, knowing I can’t go home yet. Eric is probably on his way after me, and I don’t want to be anywhere near him right now.  Not really watching where I’m going, I round the corner near the chasm and smack right into a large, muscular body coming the opposite way. “Fuck,” I mutter, rubbing my nose. “Sorry,” I start to apologize. “I wasn’t watching where-“

Finally looking up, I stop mid-sentence as my blood freezes in my veins. My eyes round, as the air leaves my lungs.

 “Ayden…”


	30. Green-Eyed Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know it's been a while, and I apologize. Hurricane Irma paid me a visit, and I ended up misplaced from my home. But thank you for your patience!
> 
> Things go from bad to worse between Eric and Jade, especially with Ayden back at Dauntless. Eric finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, with Jade walking in at the exact wrong moment. A little back story of what all Ayden has been through since his accident, and where things may progress from this point. Things aren't exactly what they seem :)
> 
> No smut in this chapter...just some angst, "drug" use, jealousy, and of course profanity. Enjoy!
> 
> -Emmy

* * *

**JADE**

My heart jackhammers, as we both stare at each other. Ayden's hazel green eyes flash for a moment, then he seems to remember himself. Taking a deep breath, he finally gives a small nod.

"Jade," he greets coldly.

Completely dumbfounded, all I can do is gape at him in shock. The man that stands before me right now is anything but the pale, weak, and barely alive man I last saw lying in a hospital bed. His black t-shirt strains against his biceps, looking as though the sleeves might rip at any moment. His chest and torso have increased muscle mass, outlined under the tight fit. Ayden has always been in shape, but something about him is entirely different, and not just physically. While the air of fury is still about him, there's also a hard coldness that wasn't there before.

"Ayden…hi…" I finally squeak out. Another long silence passes. Ayden clears his throat, his jaw clenching. I give him a small smile, though his expression doesn't change.

"I didn't know you were back…"  
"I'm not…yet."

Ayden waves the papers in his hands. "I'm being formally released from convalescent leave soon…I was just picking up some forms before I go before the council." Still trying to find my voice, I force myself to snap out of it and stop staring like a moron. "Oh," I finally offer meekly. Ayden's eyes bore into me, making my insides feel like water. Time seems to stand still. A flash of anguish passes his face, gone as quickly as it came. "It's good to see you," I finally whisper.

Ayden arches his brow, chuckling in sarcastic amusement. "It is? That's unexpected." My mouth opens and closes, caught off guard. "Of course it is, Ayden…I'm glad to see you're doing so much better, and I'm just surprised to see you, is all. I didn't know if…" I trail off as Ayden narrows his eyes, crossing his thickly muscled arms.

"The only thing that surprises me, is that you give a shit. I'd have thought you had other things to occupy your mind…and body. It seemed to distract you plenty before."

The viciousness of his tone cuts me to core, making me feel as if he just kicked me in the stomach. I silently remind myself that I can hardly expect him to be civil, nor can anything other than open contempt be expected. The crushing guilt I still feel rears its ugly head. I squeeze my eyes shut briefly, looking down while trying to gather my composure.

I deserve no less… but his raw, unadulterated hatred still takes my breath away.

Finally looking up and away for a second, I see several curious glances in our direction, as well as hushed whispers. I don't respond, just a give a small nod.

Ayden exhales loudly, as if to get himself in check. "Well, as _fucking awesome_ as this little exchange has been for me, there are more important things I have to do, so I'll be on my way," he snaps, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Take care, Jade."

Looking me up and down with a reproachful shake of his head, he side-steps me and stomps off without another word. As I turn to watch him go, soft murmurs can be heard through the crowd. "Fuck," I swear under my breath, feeling all eyes on me. Quickly turning back around, I hastily make my way down the rocky path.

Deciding to go to my mom's for the time being, I breathe a sigh of relief as I step on the elevator. Tamra won't be home yet, and I'm grateful for the chance to be alone and out of prying eyes. After letting myself in, I make my way to the sanctuary of my old room. Sinking down on the bed, I stare at the ceiling blankly.

"What the fuck is happening," I wonder aloud, feeling as if I'm caught in a bad dream. Flinging my arm over my forehead, my frustration mounts as tears spring to my eyes. Eric has been acting strangely ever since last night, and all of a sudden, Ayden appears out of nowhere. This isn't a coincidence…I can feel it. But how the fuck are they connected?

I begin to rack my brain, trying to put this all together…Eric's strange behavior last night…his bizarre and unreasonable reaction to finding out I'm taking birth control…this bullshit about my mom and I being 'test subjects' for some surveillance model…Ayden's sudden reappearance….

My phone buzzes, providing a welcome distraction from this fucked up situation currently known as my life.

"Hey Samantha…"

"Hey…you okay?"

"Been better…what's up?"

"Just calling to remind you about Ashley's thing tonight…."

"What thing?"

"The guys are doing their thing tonight with Rob, so we're going to give Ashley a little girl's night in.…"

"Yeah, I'll be there…what time and where?"

I sigh, rubbing my forehead. I don't really want to go tonight, but it'll be good to get away from Eric and have some time to think. I need to figure out where we're going to go from here….if we're going to go anywhere at all. A lump forms in my throat, thinking back to the last thing I said before storming out. I told him that I wouldn't move in with him, and wouldn't be around anymore. That's not really what I want, but I need some time to figure out how to proceed.

"Well, Ashley _is_ pregnant with twins, so it's not like we can go out raging. We're just going to do an old-fashioned pajama party, while the guys do their thing. Meet at my place later…we're just going to hang out, smoke some weed, and drink," Samantha says. I nod my head in approval, grateful I don't have to go anywhere and pretend to be having fun.

It's not like this fucking day could get any worse.

* * *

**ERIC**

The glass crashes against the door Jade slammed, shattering to a thousand pieces.

Eric squeezes his eyes shut, resisting the urge to destroy everything in the room. "Get a fucking grip, you moron," he chastises himself, yanking a cigarette out of his pocket and stalking toward the balcony. Tossing the cover sheets out of his way, he throws open the glass door and steps outside. The hot summer afternoon bears down on him as he stares blankly into the Chicago skyline, trying to calm down. What he's truly pissed off about, is that Jade is right… about everything, including not fully knowing why he's so angry with her.

He's a fucking idiot… How did he really not realize she was taking birth control before?

Eric narrows his eyes, shaking his head in awe of himself. They've been tangled in bed together almost every night, with the exception of their last big fight. Just as Jade stated, usually more than twice, sometimes as much as five times. If one of them weren't doing something about prevention, the extra room in his penthouse would probably be in use right now.

If he'd stopped and thought about it, he would and should have realized it on his own.

Eric exhales furiously, placing his hands on the railing. He can't fault Jade too much for not wanting to get pregnant, and it really isn't something he should be mad about, but he is. Jeanine has been after him for a while to see this through, and time is running out. A silent war of wills has been declared between them, and he knows that bitch will strike at any moment….getting someone else to 'complete the task' would be her preferred method of operation.

"No," Eric mutters in reassurance. It doesn't matter what Jeanine does…he won't let any of her bullshit comes Jade's way. He'd kill Jeanine before he ever let that happen.

Jade's been one step ahead of him the whole time, albeit unknowingly. He takes a drag of his cigarette, his rage beginning to ebb. He needs to calm down and think, and remind himself of a few things. The first being, _of course_ she took measures to prevent getting knocked up. Jade is not like most Dauntless-born women…she's not like most women in general. She has the intellectual capacity of an Erudite, and the ambition to match. She would never allow herself to be trapped in a situation she didn't want, especially with a baby. Although that's something Eric can understand, it still pisses him off.

Not because she doesn't want a child…because she doesn't want a child with _him_.

Jade said she didn't want a kid with someone that 'wouldn't be around in a year'. Eric snuffs out his cigarette, shaking his head at the irony of the situation. Jade thinks he would walk out on her or just wouldn't give a shit. The one thing he's certain would cement her to him for good, is the one thing she thinks would push him out of her life. It's almost impossible to win.

While he's always seen Jade in his future, it is now painfully obvious that she doesn't see him in hers.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, breaking his train of thought. He flicks his cigarette over the balcony and answers it.

"Yeah…"

"Hey …you coming with us tonight?" Logan asks.

"For what?"

"Rob's thing…."

"Fuck," Eric mutters. Ashley and Rob are getting married in a few days, and it's a Dauntless tradition to give the groom a proper send off into married life. While some men, such as Jason and probably Sebastian, will continue their ways even after having their wives' name tattooed on their finger, it's customary to make certain the groom-to-be has one last insane, crazy night to remember. It's an unspoken rule that what happens at their 'last hurrah', doesn't leave the room in which It happened.

"Yeah, I'll be there," he finally answers. "Where are we going?"

"Not far…that place on Clark, that used to be an underground bar…and from what I hear, Cross has managed to get almost every Reserve in the system to be there."

"Alright."

He hangs up without another word, irritated at the whole situation. He'll go, but only for appearances. Sitting in a room with a bunch of horny, drunken fucks while some slut he doesn't want drapes herself all over him, is the last place he wants to be. He and Jade need to work their shit out, but he's going to try something different this time.

Every time he and Jade have had a blow up, she gets under his skin and makes it almost impossible to think clearly and rationally. He's come to realize that's where he's always erred with her. She's the only woman to ever have that effect on him. He needs to do what he does best, which is analyze the problem, and find the most logical solution. He's going to let things calm down before they get blown out of proportion. They're both pissed right now, and the dust needs to settle before he makes his next move.

Starting with finding out _how the fuck_ she's getting contraceptive serum, and eliminating that obstacle from his path.

* * *

**JADE**

Later that night, I take the pipe Leah hands me, inhaling deeply. I close my eyes and tilt my face upwards, enjoying the instant lift. I pass the pipe to Samantha, as my friends stare at me in confusion.

"Wait, wait, wait. " Ashley takes a sip of water, knitting her brows in confusion. "He's pissed because you _are_ taking birth control? Why would that piss him off? If anything, I'd think he'd be pissed if you weren't..." She trails off. I throw my hands in the air, exasperated.

"That's exactly what I said! I'm telling you, he's fucking crazy!"

"Did he say why he's so pissed about it?"

"He gave me some bullshit line about how only Dauntless girls that screw around use it. It didn't go far, though. We both knew he was full of it."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

"I know, right? Even if I wanted to, it would be near impossible. Eric knows and tracks every move I make. Not to mention, when would I have the time to screw anyone else, with Eric always at me as much as he is? It's so stupid it's funny."

Leah winks with a sly grin, taking a deep a deep hit. "How often _do_ you guys do it?" She whispers with a giggle. "Put it this way," I explain, leaning back against the bedframe. "I'm lucky if I wake up, and don't find some checkpoint of my body occupied." Leah sputters and nearly chokes, as we giggle furiously. "I can't believe you just said that," she rasps when she finally catches her breath. "Well, the truth is the truth. You of all people should understand that," I tease with a smirk.

"So what are you going to do? Are you and Eric broken up, or just letting things chill for a minute?" Samantha asks.

"I don't know…we both said some bad shit, but if I'm being honest, breaking up is not what I wanted to do. He just had me so fucking pissed I couldn't see straight. But I didn't even tell you what happened after I came back to the compound yet."

I take the pipe as it circles back to me, taking a huge hit before continuing. "I was on my way home, when I crashed into someone coming around the corner." Letting the sweet relief of haze fog my brain for a second, I clench my jaw.

"That someone just happened to be Ayden."

My friends' eyes pop open in disbelief. "Shut the fuck up…he's back?" Ashley whispers. Nodding, I feel my chest constrict. "Not officially, but he will be. He said something about convalescent leave, and going before the council to rejoin Dauntless," I whisper, a sudden dread coming over me. Eric is part of the council…and he won't make it easy for Ayden. He'll see him as a threat, and Eric doesn't take kindly to threats. "One thing is for absolute certain though," I lament, tears coming to my eyes.

"He still hates my fucking guts, and always will."

"Why do you say that?" Leah asks.

"Because if looks and attitude could kill, I'd be floating in the chasm right now."

Just then there's a knock. "That's probably Rachel…Come in," Samantha calls, and the door opens. Rachel walks in a second later, sitting down beside me and immediately reaching for the pipe.

"Hey guys…I got little held up," she greets in a shaky voice. We all glance at each other, taking notice of her red-rimmed eyes and slightly swollen face. She's been crying, and she's visibly upset. I set my drink down and touch her shoulder lightly. "Rachel…are you okay?" She takes several deep breaths, pushing her hair behind her ear while trying to force a casual smile.

"Yeah…I…just…it was a long day…" she trails off. Not one of us are fooled. "Are you sure?" Ashley asks, her tone filled with concern. We all watch Rachel as she struggles to compose herself. No one speaks for a moment, an uncomfortable silence falling over us. Rachel finally looks up at our concerned expressions. Her face crumples in anguish, as she bursts into tears.

"Holy shit," I mutter, quickly wrapping my arms around her. Alarmed, I let her sob for a few minutes while looking wildly to the others. I've never seen Rachel so upset. "Rachel…what happened? What's wrong?" Leah murmurs, stroking her arm. Rachel finally picks her head up, wiping her eyes.

"Sebastian and I just got into it…and it was pretty bad. It got ugly."

"What happened?"

With a slight hiccup, she wipes her eyes before continuing. "I've been blowing him off for a while now, and I thought he'd just fade away, but he hasn't. He was waiting for me when I got out of work. He sort of confronted me, and asked what was going on. Things just kind of went bad from there."

"Went bad how?" Ashley asks.

Rachel sighs, rubbing her temple. "I sort of implied there was someone else," she whispers. I arch my brow in surprise. "There is? Who?" Rachel rolls her eyes with a slight laugh.

"No one…that's just what I let him believe".

"Why?"

"Because it was the only thing that would end it for good."

"Is that what you really want?" Samantha asks gently. Rachel's eyes well again, as she gives a small shake of her head. "No," she finally whispers, her tears spilling down her cheeks. "But it's better this way. I just wish I'd never gotten myself into this mess in the first place." She quietly sobs, and we silently let her get it out. Taking a deep breath, she takes a hit from the pipe. She looks to Ashley apologetically.

"I'm sorry guys…this is supposed to be a fun time, and I don't mean to ruin it or make it about me."

Ashley rubs her baby bump for a minute, looking thoughtful. "You know what guys? You're right…this is supposed to be about me and Rob. All of you are standing up with us in our wedding soon, and I don't want any bad energy at one of the most important days of my life. So, as a personal favor to me, will you please go handle your shit so my day isn't tainted? We can certainly do this another night….one where I can actually drink and party with you. To tell you the truth, this isn't very fun, with you guys sitting here all mopey. …" she turns to me with a firm look.

"Do you really want to go through another few months of what you went through last time, or did you not learn anything?"

I immediately shake my head in protest. "It's not on me to fix this…he's that one that accused me of fucking around, and flipped out over nothing! Why should I be the one to-" Ashley waves her hand, cutting me off.

"Jade…don't you think it's time to break your own pattern a little bit?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"You said so yourself…this got out of hand, and you both said things you didn't mean. Men aren't mind readers…and Eric might think you broke up with him. You also said that's not what you want. So why don't you stop this slippery slope before things get out of control?"

"Because I'm not the one that fucked up this time! He accused me of-"

Ashley waves her hand again, silencing me. "Jade…you and Eric are in a relationship. You're going to fight and fuck up occasionally, and it's not always about who's right and who's wrong. You of all people should know the temperament of Dauntless men, and how possessive and insane they can be. You said you're confused as fuck about what happened…you want to know why Eric reacted the way he did…so…. How about you try something new?" She sits up and arches her brow at me.

"How about instead of shutting down like you always do, you simply give him the chance to explain himself?"

Rachel looks between the two of us. "A chance to explain what? What happened?" Picking up the pipe again, I quickly give her a rundown of the day's events. Rachel shakes her head in bewilderment.

"I don't get why he's mad…what does he care if you're taking the serum?"

"I have no fucking clue, and that seems to be the general consensus."

"Well…there's one possible reason it may have bothered him, but it might be farfetched."

My eyes snap to Rachel's as she takes another hit. She shrugs as she exhales, looking thoughtful. "Maybe…again, just a shot in the dark…but maybe he was actually trying to knock you up…." She trails off. I stare at her incredulously, shaking my head in refusal.

"Why the fuck would he want to do that?" I sputter, a bad feeling starting to come over me.

"Because women are not the only ones that baby-trap. Maybe he's trying to push you in a certain direction, that's to his advantage."

"Meaning?"

Leah slowly nods her head in agreement. "Think about it…you wouldn't even entertain the idea of being in a relationship with him until recently. You said it yourself, you have an issue with commitment…so maybe Eric is trying to make you 'commit' to him another way…one you can't get out of so easily."

As the logic sinks in, painful suspicion rears its' ugly head again. Holy shit…as much as I don't want it to, it makes sense. There's really no other reason Eric would be angry about me using precaution…if knocking me up has been his end goal all along. My eyes narrow, as I try to process. "Would Eric really take it that far, though? I just can't imagine he would find me to be worth…such…" I wonder aloud, not certain I want to know the answer to what I'm asking.

I turn back to my friends, who all have the same affirmative expression. "Quite frankly Jade…I don't think there's any place Eric would draw the line when it comes to you, and getting what he wants," Leah states. The others all glance at me, silently agreeing.

As the shock of this potential explanation begins to wear off, fury begins to take it's place. My friends become alarmed, as I can feel my rage starting to show outwardly. Gripping my beer so hard it might crack, I force myself to take several deep breaths. I need to know the truth, and not these bullshit excuses Eric has been giving lately. If he's really willing to push me into something I don't want for his own benefit, and will affect the rest of my life, against my will and against my own choice, he needs to be immediately corrected as to how this is going to work with us.

Ashley is right; I can't let this sit. I need answers, and I need them now… _right…fucking…now._

I turn to Samantha, finishing my drink in one long gulp. "You said the guys are doing Rob's thing right now? Do you know where?"

Samantha shrugs, taking another hit of the pipe. "They went to that place that used to be an underground bar a long time ago. Wonder, something. It's not far from here…but it's boys only, from what Jason tells me." Her eyes narrow as she exhales, a look of hurt coming over her. Hastily rising to my feet, I gesture to the others to get up.

"Fuck that… let's go crash it."

* * *

**ERIC**

Rob's bachelor party is in full swing, with most of the guys already completely lit. The alcohol is flowing freely, with bare knuckle fights and pool being shot. Smoke circles the underground dwelling, saturating the room. There's an air of anticipation and excitement, as they all wait for the female entertainment to get there.

Eric sinks down onto a leather couch in the corner, lighting a cigar and exhaling slowly. He's only here for appearances, and feels anxious to get home. He forced himself not to follow Jade or call her, determined to let her cool off and get himself under control before things got worse. But what he doesn't want, is for shit to drag out any longer. The last time he did that, it was almost too late.

He looks over at Sebastian, swirling his bourbon and looking to be in just as foul a mood as Eric. His jaw is clenched, and his eyes are brimming with silent rage. Logan sits beside him, puffing his cigarette and looking confused.

"Let me get this straight," Logan begins, tossing back his shot. "Rachel isn't nagging you to be with her, isn't jealous of some skank you supposedly smashed even though you didn't, doesn't care if you fuck other women, and isn't bitching about it? Does that about cover it?" Sebastian doesn't respond, just gives a small shrug. Logan waves his hand in exasperation.

"Then I just have two questions. _What the fuck_ are you complaining about, and does she have any sisters? Jesus Christ man! The fuck is wrong with you!"

Eric arches his brow in question. Sebastian swallows the rest of his bourbon, slamming the glass down beside him. "I got sick of this bullshit with Rachel hiding from me, so I waited for her to get off work. Didn't exactly go like I hoped." He pulls a cigarette out of his jacket, angrily lighting it. "How so?" Eric asks. Sebastian exhales, his eyes narrowing as smoke billows around his head.

"Apparently, you guys were right…she's been fucking someone else, thinking we weren't a thing anymore."

"No shit…who?"

"She didn't say, and shit got a little out of hand. I made myself leave before I did something I'd regret."

"So I'd assume you guys are done now…"

Sebastian shakes his head. "Nothing is done until I say it is…I'm just not going to let her make me look like a sniveling little bitch. I'm going let shit calm down before I do anything. I almost went completely fucking crazy, and I don't want it to get to that point again. But on that note…do me a favor?" He asks, finally looking in Eric's direction.

Eric tips his jaw at him, motioning him to elaborate. A steely look hardens Sebastian's features. "I don't have clearance to get into files, but I need to get in Rachel's phone. I want to know who the motherfucker standing in my way is, and have a little chat man-to-man. Can you hook me up?"

Eric arches his brow, completely surprised. The Sebastian Black he met years ago, wouldn't give a woman that was blowing him off a second thought. He wouldn't even realize she was blowing him off, because he usually forgot all about her. But he empathizes completely, because this is exactly what he would do if he were in this position. In order to eliminate your threat, you have to know your threat.

Eric takes another drag, needing no further explanation. "Consider it done," he agrees. Sebastian nods, sipping his drink with a look of lethal determination.

As the night wears on, Eric tries to shake his bad mood. He gets irritated with himself for constantly checking the time, anxious to find Jade and fix the rift between them before it grows any farther. Their relationship, while not new, is certainly fragile at best. He has better things to do and doesn't even want to be here.

As they wait for the Reserves to get there, the guys sit around bullshitting with each other. Eventually the topic comes to him and Jade, slightly to Eric's chagrin.

"You gotta tell me how that went down," Adam says with a chuckle, taking a sip. Eric shrugs noncommittally, not certain he wants to get into this.

"Not much to tell. My eye was on her in initiation, but I'm head of Initiate Training, and a Dauntless leader, so I couldn't act on it. She didn't think I was an option for the same reason, and thought I wasn't interested." Eric exhales with a cocky grin. "Needless to say, I 'corrected the situation' once I was able to." The guys all chuckle. "Yeah, I'd say you definitely took the command and conquer approach," Brady laughs and the others follow.

"Well shit, how hard do you really think it was? Sawyer is nowhere near in Jade's league, and she deserved better…now she has it. All there is to it," Eric scoffs, his tone holding finality on the subject. These guys are his friends, but the less they know of the real story, the better.

Adam shakes his head, lighting a cigarette. "They were together forever...it'll definitely be interesting to see how this plays out, with Sawyer back at Dauntless."

Eric forces himself to compose his face, not positive he heard that correctly. His expression hardens, glancing sharply at Adam. "What are you talking about?" he demands in a low tone. The others get quiet, seeing that Eric was not privy to this information, and it's not exactly considered good news. Adam looks up, Eric's tone catching his attention.

"He came into HQ today…he was picking up his medical release forms and scheduling his reentry proficiency exam. Jade didn't tell you?"

A now dead silence falls over them, a nervous expression coming over Adam. He runs a tattooed hand over his buzz cut, glancing at the others. All of them look to Eric for his reaction. Eric's carefully controlled anger simmers to the surface, though he manages to keep it in check.

"What the fuck would Jade have to do with it?" Eric demands calmly, his blood pressure starting to rise. Adam gulps, instantly regretting bringing this up.

"I was coming back from the gym, when I saw Sawyer talking to Jade by the chasm. She didn't tell you she saw him?"

"No…not a fucking word…when was this?"

"Earlier this afternoon. Look man, you have nothing to worry about…"

Eric narrows his eyes, his gaze piercing into him. "Not that I would anyway…" he says slowly, trying to keep himself under control, "But what makes you say that?"

Adam scoffs, shaking his head. "Because he looked at her like you look at Abnegation transfers in initiation…like she was something he stepped in. They weren't talking long…he didn't stick around. He wasn't exactly happy to see her, that I could tell."

Eric doesn't respond, just trains a lethal gaze straight ahead. That's just fucking great…just what he needs.

A boisterous, drunken shout abruptly cuts through the tension in the room, much to Adam's relief. Jason makes his way toward them, puffing on his cigarette. His eyes are a little glassy, and he looks as if he started the party way early. "Coulter," he calls in cheerful greeting, immediately pouring a shot of whiskey. Eric takes it from him gratefully, desperately needing a drink.

"So what'd you tell Jade you were doing tonight? Need to make certain our stories match," he says with a sly grin. Eric shakes his head, his expression blank. "I didn't tell her anything…Jade doesn't run me." Jason raises his brow in surprise, caught off guard by Eric's sharp tone. He looks to Sebastian, whose frustration is practically radiating around him. Jason throws his hands in the air, completely exasperated.

"What the fuck is everyone's problem tonight," he slurs with a laugh. "Rachel still giving you shit?" Sebastian doesn't answer, just throws an irritated scowl his way. Determined not to let his friends' attitudes sour his mood, Jason grins widely while gesturing around him. "Listen…just for now, forget them. Pussy will not be a problem tonight, I guarantee it. I have it on very good authority that pretty much every guy here is going get laid, at the very least get their dick sucked, so can we please act like we're at a party instead of a fucking funeral?"

Eric doesn't answer, just shakes his head silently. What he doesn't say, is that while he gets the concept of having the Reserves, it's not something that appeals to him. He secretly thinks it's pathetic. Eric is a Dauntless leader, and can have any willing woman he wants. He would never have to lower himself to sleep with a woman that had no other choice. They serve their purpose he guesses, but he's never had use for one.

Just then, the door opens. Several whistles and catcalls can be heard, as the sound of heels clack on the stairs. Cheap perfume mixes with the smoke in the air, as most of the women in the Reserve system make their way down. They begin to mix with the others, the guys making their selections. Jason grins excitedly, throwing his arm around Rob.

"Look…this fucker is taking the plunge soon, so tradition dictates we get him as shit-faced as possible, and knee-deep in free pussy. His wife is spitting out twins soon, and sex won't be on the table for a while." Jason sweeps his arm out in grand gesture. "I'm not one to break tradition, so let's get this shit going!" Jason declares loudly. He's met with several roars, as Rob shakes his head with a wry smirk. He sets his drink down to light a cigarette. Jason nods at two scantily clad girls, whom immediately make their way over.

Jason slings his arm around both, grinning drunkenly. "This is your night, man….so you get first pick." The two girls both smile at Rob, but he doesn't so much as glance in their direction. "I tell you what," Rob begins, clapping him on the shoulder. "How about you make your rounds, and I'll catch up in a minute." Jason chuckles with a scoff.

"Are you serious? You got nothing to worry about…what happens here doesn't leave this room. We're all pretty much attached, so no one is going to rat…." Rob waves his hand with a smirk. "It's all good…it really is….you get started and I'll catch up." A wide grin breaks over Jason's face. "Suit yourself…"

Eric raises his brow as Jason saunters off, the two women anchoring his side. He turns back to see Rob shaking his head, taking a drag of his cigarette with a look of disdain. "Cross might stick his dick in anything that'll let him, but that's his thing... not mine," Rob answers the unspoken question. He glances at Eric knowingly. "You and I are pretty much in the same boat, so I know you understand." Eric's face puckers in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean, is that you aren't into nailing sloppy-second sluts any more than I am. They're not worth it."

"They're not worth what?"

"They're not worth losing what we have with women that _haven't_ been passed around the entire faction. I personally prefer a woman that fucks me because she wants to, not because she thinks she has to."

"Spoken like a true pussy-whipped…"

Rob shrugs while taking a drag. "You guys can make fun of me all you want, I don't care…. Ten Reserves at the same time is isn't worth one of Ashley. I know you know what I mean." Eric snaps his eyes to him in question, the amused grin draining from his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Because you feel the same way about Jade… "

Eric stares for a moment, feeling strangely exposed in a way. "Why do you say that?"

"Because as Cross so eloquently stated, we're 'knee-deep in free pussy', and you couldn't care less. That one has been sucking your dick in her mind since she got here, and you haven't even noticed."

Rob gestures over Eric's shoulder with his eyes. Eric turns to see a petite blonde eying him coyly over the brim of her glass. Quickly giving her a cool head-to-toe appraisal, he turns back around. She's all right, but she's certainly no Jade.

Eric sweeps his eye disinterestedly over the selection, not one of them grabbing his attention. Rob is right; there's only one woman he wants, and she isn't here. Eric tosses back another shot, welcoming the burning distraction. Glancing at his watch again, he decides to give it one more hour before he heads out.

While the guys start to pair off with their prospects for the evening, Eric remains in his seat. He has no interest in getting into this, nor will he chase bitches he doesn't want.

Everyone else is having a field day. Everyone is paired up, with the guys sitting on the couches and the girls sitting in their laps or by their sides. The Dauntless don't really know 'shame', and that's in prominent display right now. Everyone is good and drunk, with some of them going for it right there on the couches and corners, not giving a fuck who's watching. Jason has disappeared in the back room at least three or four times he's seen, each time with a different girl.

As he sits brooding into his drink, he looks up to see the blonde making her way towards him. She gives him a flirtatious smile, but he regards her with no reaction. He doesn't remember her from initiation, but there's really nothing that great about her to remember anyway. He stares straight ahead as she sinks down on the couch, coiling herself into the space beside him.

Several moments pass, without Eric so much as glancing in her direction. "Hi," she finally squeaks out. "I'm Jessica…" Eric rolls his eyes, not bothering to hide his contempt. Jesus, her voice is fucking annoying, further adding to his irritation. Her smile falters when Eric still doesn't acknowledge her presence.

Scowling in disgust, he tosses back the rest of his drink. Clearly not picking up that he's not interested, she starts to inch closer. Eric pours himself another whiskey, bored and annoyed at this stupid slut that's fumbling all over him. This is a complete waste of his time, and he's had enough. He's not going to fuck this vapid little twit, or anyone here for that matter, and it's time to shut this down.

Eric cuts her off mid-sentence, abruptly standing and walking away. As he makes his way toward the back, there's a sudden commotion to his right. The next thing he knows, some half-naked brunette crashes into him. "What the fuck," Eric roars in fury, as she falls to the ground. Vomit stains her chest, down to her legs. All of a sudden, a nauseating odor assaults his nostrils, as the front of his shirt feels moist.

He looks down to see chunks sticking to his shirt, and not just a little. His eyes narrow almost to slits, turning a furious gaze on the girl crawling on the floor in a drunken stupor. She immediately bursts into tears, terrified under his scathing glare. "I'm so-so…I'm so sorry," she stutters, pissing him off even more. Eric throws his whiskey glass at her, saturating her hair with the amber colored liquid.

"Get this fucked up cunt out of my sight before I fucking end her," he hisses at two less inebriated girls near her side. They immediately grab her on either arm, pulling her through the crowd.

Eric stalks to the back rooms, completely pissed off now. His shirt is soaked, vomit making it stick to his flesh. He decides to just take it off, not able to tolerate the stench. "Fuck," he mumbles under his breath. He walks into the overly large area that used to be a bathroom, hoping one of the faucets work. To his relief, water begins to spurt and he quickly washes his chest. As he tries to scrub the repulsive stench of vomit from his body, his eye lands on the tattoo on his left side in the mirror.

He remembers the day he decided to get the new design, a lump forming in his throat. He looks at the intersecting lines, still bold against the pattern of his others. He'd told himself that just because he decided to get the Chinese symbol for 'Jade', it was not the same thing as getting her actual name. Part of him thought he was insane …they hadn't been together for nearly a year, and the only time Dauntless men tattoo their other half's name on their bodies is for a significant event.

Eric splashes his face, rubbing it in frustration. He'd convinced himself that getting the symbol and not her actual name was a good compromise, and it didn't mean anything. But staring at himself in the mirror right now…he has complete clarity on why he chose to do it.

Because just like the ink in his flesh that represents her, he wants Jade to be permanent in his life.

Eric exhales loudly, closing his eyes. Shaking his head, he opens them again to make sure he got all the vomit off him. Seeing the speckles on his belt, he sneers in disgust as he rips it off and begins to wash it. The sooner he gets out of here, and home to Jade, the better.

Just as he's finishing up, the door opens and he looks up with a scowl. "There you are," the blonde purrs. Eric growls in irritation, as this is the last thing he needs. She saunters over, her eye roving over his bare chest. "Need a hand?" she asks with a wink. When Eric doesn't say no, she mistakes it for an invitation to come closer. Eric's jaw clenches, his temper getting the best of him.

The smile drains from her face as Eric finally turns, leveling her with his chilling glare. Without warning, he grips her throat and pushes her against the wall. She yelps in fright as his hand seizes her jaw, his body pinning her in place. Her eyes bulge in terror as he lowers his voice to a sinister whisper.

"Let me spell this out for you, since you've clearly been fucked stupid from a million random cocks. I would never lower myself to fuck some slut that can't remember the name of the last dick she gagged on, nor catching some sort of disease from the wildlife I'm sure is inhabiting your crotch. Go flash that rancid pussy at someone else…I am not interested. Do you understand?"

She finally nods, so Eric loosens his grip. Just as he's about to let her go, something catches her eye over his shoulder. As they grow wide, he reflexively turns in that direction, his heart freezing in his chest.

Jade stands on the other end of the room, her eyes rounded in disbelief. Eric doesn't know how long she's been there, and she's too far away to have heard anything he said, but she clearly saw what just happened….

….and what this looks like, even though it's far from it.

As Eric's eyes lock with Jade's, he's too stunned to react right away. He stays rooted to his spot, as hurt and rage transform her features. Her chest begins to heave, and she shakes her head incredulously. "Jade…" her name spills from his lips he finally finds his voice.

But it's too late. Panic consumes him as Jade composes her face, turns on her heel, and bolts through the door without a word.

* * *

**JADE**

"Jade, slow down for a second, please," Leah pleads as she struggles to keep up with me.

Feeling like a trapped rat running through a maze, I keep a steady pace as we sprint toward the train tracks. The horn sounds in the near vicinity, making a wind of relief blow through me. As soon as it pulls up, I grab the outer handle and Leah follows suit. She stares at me as she lands in the train car, but I reach for the outer ladder.

"What are you doing?" she yells over the wind.

The summer night air slices through my hair as I grasp the bottom rung of the outside ladder. Feeling as if I'm in a trance, I pull myself up the stairway and on to the roof before I even know it. As I lean down to get a better grip, Leah appears over the top. "Jade…." She looks below her as the train carries us away, then back to me. Tears fill my eyes as I stare back at her. Seeing that I'm not about to do anything stupid, she finally joins me. Not knowing what to say, she just gazes sympathetically.

"I don't want him to see where we get off on the camera. In the off-chance he even gives a shit," I finally offer in a shaky voice. Too stunned to cry, I don't even know what to feel right now. As the Chicago landscape rolls by, I just stare into the night sky blankly. Leah doesn't say a word, just sits and waits. I hear her take a deep breath, then feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Jade, just breathe for a second. I can't believe what I just saw either. What a fucking prick," She declares with disgust. I finally turn my gaze to her, still trying to process.

Then I burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

Leah stares in shock as I lay on my back, clutching my stomach as loud, cackling laughter escapes. Finally sitting up, I run my hand through my hair as a vicious grin stretches my face. Leah just watches me nervously, not knowing what to say or do, not understanding what's happening right now.

"Karma is a fucking _hilarious bitch_ , isn't she?" I giggle through gritted teeth.

Leah opens her mouth to respond, but I keep going before she can. "I mean really….holy shit, they say it isn't real, but fuck me if I wasn't just proven wrong!" I declare loudly, my eyes filling with tears again.

"Jade-"

"I mean I guess I can't even be upset right? Didn't I just get what I deserved?"

"Jade-"

"Isn't this what the fucking Amity believe? That what you put out in the universe comes back to you? Well holy fuck, did it come back to me!"

"Jade!" Leah interjects loudly, finally stopping me from my meltdown. Her mouth sets in grim, determined line as she nods toward the side. "Listen…I know you need to let this out, but can we please do it in a place where you won't get distracted and fall to your death? Can we please go inside the car?"

Forcing myself to focus, I take a deep breath and nod in agreement. Looking over to the side, I see we aren't far from the main compound. I quickly inch my way over to the side, and grab hold of the ladder. After climbing back down, I swing myself into the train car and sit down. Leah joins me soon after, watching me intently as she sits beside me.

"Jade, it's okay, it's just me in here. Let it out. Go ahead," she says softly. Tears fill my eyes as I shake my head, feeling numb. After what feels like eternity, I finally break the silence.

"Not even 24 hours…not even 24 hours, before he was screwing someone else," I whisper bitterly. "He had the nerve to accuse me of fucking around, when he didn't even wait for a fucking day to go by before fucking someone else?" Leah just simply listens, knowing nothing she can say will make me feel better. I scoff at myself, angry at the tears that are streaming down my cheeks.

"I don't know what I'm more upset about…that I'm a complete fucking moron for thinking this would be something real, or that I'm actually crying over this fucking asshole," I hiss, forcefully wiping my eyes. I shake my head, catching my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Well…too bad Ayden wasn't there to see what happened…that would've really completed the picture. Poetic justice," I laugh bitterly.

"This wasn't your fault, Jade…

"Yes, it was…and I got what deserved. Lesson learned…"

Leah turns her palms up, hesitating before she continues. "Jade, look…men do stupid shit when they're upset. You guys had a bad fight earlier, and from what it sounds like, you sort of broke up with him…maybe he was dealing with it in his own way…" My eyes whip to hers.

"Are you seriously defending him right now?"

"Of course not! I'm just pointing out, the last thing you said to him was that you were done-"

"I was just angry though! I didn't mean done for good!"

"Well, obviously Eric didn't know that…and he believed what you said."

The truth of her words crash down on me. She's right…all of it. I stare back at her, as she tries to find the right words. "Well…then I guess that's that, then…and he didn't do anything wrong technically. He can screw whoever he wants, and that's really none of my business…." I shake my head, staring back out into the night.

"You know something? He almost had me fooled. Asking me to move in with him, making me think I was something more to him than just a pawn…I'm a complete fucking moron…but that stops right now."

"So what are you going to do?" Leah asks quietly. I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. "I'm going to do absolutely nothing. This may not have been what I intended to happen, but things have a funny way of working out. I can't even be upset; again, he didn't really do anything wrong. I told him it was done, even though I didn't mean it…but I do now."

I shake my head bitterly, turning to her with a wry smirk. "Well…I guess the bright side, is that I went there to get answers, and I certainly got them. It may not have been what I wanted to see, but I'm glad that I did. As far as I'm concerned, this is the end of it…no more time wasted."

I see the doubt in Leah's expression, but she wisely chooses not to voice it. After the train pulls into Dauntless, Leah and I jump off and head toward the scanner. "You want to hang out for a little bit?" she offers, but I shake my head no.

"It's okay, Leah…I'll be fine, really. I just want to go to bed."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure…I just want this whole fucking day to be over already."

Leah's phone beeps in her hand, a weird smile coming over her face. "Okay, well…just text me if you need me. I don't care what time it is," she says as she looks down at her phone. We say our goodbyes, and she takes off in the direction of her building. I take a deep breath as I head off in my direction, knowing Eric is not going to let what happened tonight wait until tomorrow.

But I intend to give him quite a surprise.

Every nerve in my body tingles in anticipation, as I feel Eric's presence before I actually see him. Making my way through the tunnel, I find my eyes darting to the side. I just went through the scanner, and it's only a matter of time before he pops out of nowhere.

Almost as if on cue, Eric comes barreling around the corner just as I'm about to enter the Pit. I see him searching around wildly, until his eye finally lands on me. He strides forward with purpose, but I just keep walking normally, silently enjoying the look of torment in his expression. His gaze locked with mine, he finally reaches me, and I mentally prepare myself.

Here we go.

"Hi," I greet him casually. He stops in his tracks, not expecting that. He snaps himself out of it a moment later, quickly reaching for me. "We need to talk…now," he orders through clenched teeth, pulling me back into the tunnel. He uses more force than he intends, fully expecting me to resist. When I don't, he looks down at me in surprise. As I'm pushed back against the wall, I force an amused smile to my face. "Whoa…what is going on?" I ask lightly.

Eric stares for long moment, then starts to explain. "Jade, listen to me…I know what that looked like, but-" he sputters, trying to find the right words. My smile grows wider, enjoying seeing him act like a nervous initiate. A frigid smirk pulls at my mouth, as I channel Jeanine's disposition.

"Eric what is so wrong?"

His head snaps back to stare at me in disbelief. Though I'm seething with rage inside, I sternly order myself to keep my shit together. He will not have the satisfaction of seeing me upset….he will not win. I can't help but be amused, as I know he was expecting me to completely lose my shit, freak out, whatever. Seeing me composed and collected is going to really fuck with him.

"What is so wrong?" I repeat casually, when he still doesn't say anything. Shaking his head, he seems to finally find his voice. "Cut the shit… I know what you think you saw, but-" I raise my hand and cut him off.

"I'm sorry, Eric."

"What?" He asks incredulously, completely caught off guard by my calm demeanor. "I'm sorry," I repeat. "I shouldn't have been there. What you were doing is none of my business. You don't owe me any explanations."

I'm surprising myself by how well I'm doing with this. I silently resolve to keep my cool, no matter how badly I want to put my fist through his face. His eyes narrow as I plaster on a cold smile, confusing him more.

"If we're done here, I have to go…and I'm sure you'd like to go back to… whatever you were doing."

He's too stunned to respond, so I slip out of his arms and start to walk away. After I get a few feet, I turn back to face him. My eyes glitter darkly in the dim lighting, some of my anger simmering to the surface.

"One favor I ask; before you try to get at me again, take a shower and wash whoever that was off you first. I don't care too much for the scent of her perfume, and you reek of it."

Quickly turning on my heel without another word, I leave him in the tunnel astounded. Knowing it's only a matter of time before he follows me, I decide to go to the one place he wouldn't dare enter. Taking one of the hidden side paths, I make my way to the tunnel that will lead to my mom's building. As soon as I step on the elevator and push for her floor, I'm almost grateful to feel my heart hardening…it can only be broken again if I let it. As the night's events replay in my mind, I make a promise to myself.

I will never… _never_ …cry over this asshole, or any man for that matter, ever again.

* * *

**BONUS – AYDEN**

Ayden stares at the ceiling, his hands behind his head. His mind races a mile a minute, thoughts of Jade tormenting him from the moment he ran into her. "Fuck," he mutters, pushing himself off the bed. He pulls a cigarette out of his pocket as he steps toward the balcony. Staring into the city lights, he squeezes his eyes shut as he exhales.

Seeing Jade again almost broke him.

He knew it was only a matter of time before he ran into her, but he wanted to be prepared. He was anything but, when he rounded that corner and she crashed into him. As soon as those beautiful green eyes met his, the feel of her body against him came back with roaring familiarity. He almost said 'fuck it' right then and there, and swooped her off and away from this place…regardless of the part he's supposed to play right now. Ayden rubs his temple, longing and regret coming over him at how he's handled this whole situation.

When he first discovered Jade and Eric's affair, it nearly ate him alive. Ayden knows he didn't handle it the best way, with alcohol and other women, but he's Dauntless and not Erudite for a reason.

After what happened on the train, he thought that was it for him. He might never walk again, and his fate in Dauntless was uncertain at best. If he were allowed to stay in his physical state, he would be declared unfit for field duty…which is almost as bad a fate. He would be stuck in a menial job on desk duty, to eventually fade into the background. Jade would be miserable, having to cater to him, sacrificing her own happiness. He loves her too much to let that happen, so he did what he thought was best at the time.

Making her think he didn't love her anymore…something that will never happen…turned out to be the worst mistake of his life, and now he's stuck playing that part until she's out of danger.

He gave the best performance of his life, that day she came to see him in the hospital. As much as it ripped his heart out to do it, he convinced himself that it was the right thing. He convinced himself that he had to make Jade think he hates her, that she was banished from his life, so she could be free to live hers with nothing holding her back. Truth of the matter is, he forgave Jade a long time ago…he also knew about it long before he let on. Though his anger was real, he meant not one word of what he said. He told himself that he was doing the right thing, letting her be free to live a full, happy life.

But as fate would have it, things took a very different direction…mere hours after Jade left his room.

As he laid in his hospital bed, wallowing in self-pity and toying with the idea of putting himself out of his misery completely, a doctor other than his attending physician entered his room. Assuming it was just someone filling in, he didn't pay much attention. "Hello Ayden," she greeted him quietly. He just nodded, a strange feeling coming over him at her addressing him by his first name. Something was familiar about her, like he's met her before but he can't recall.

"I'm Elizabeth, and I'm just making sure your chart is up to date."

She began to take his vitals, and go over his file. As she glanced around, her eye landed on the camera in the corner, then she shifted her seat to make certain her back was to it. Ayden frowned, sitting up slightly and narrowing his eyes. Something was off, but he couldn't put his finger on it. She didn't look like the typical Erudite doctor…she didn't wear glasses, didn't introduce herself as "Dr.", and Ayden noticed a tattoo on her forearm, briefly visibly under the lab coat she wore.

"What did you say your name is?" He asked, not bothering to hide his suspicion.

"Elizabeth…"

"Elizabeth what?"

"Just Elizabeth is sufficient."

Finally, her eyes met his questioning look, and she gave a small sigh. "You're right to be suspicious, and I'm not going to try bullshit you…I already see it wouldn't work. But I'm not here to hurt you…and I have precious little time. Now let's keep up appearances for any unintended audiences," she states in an even voice, glancing toward the camera behind her.

"Who are you," Ayden demanded in a low voice, his heart starting to pound. The woman smiled, subtly gesturing back to the camera. "A friend of a friend," she murmured, pretending to study his chart. "I'm part of the resistance that's going to take down a corrupt faction system, and we need your help."

Ayden stared at her through hazy eyes, not quite certain this was actually happening, or if his pain medicine was that strong. She moves closer to him, lowering her voice even further. "If you want to get back everything that has been stolen from you, listen very carefully." Not waiting for him to reply, she pretends to busy herself, speaking while her eyes are kept down.

"There's someone that is very anxious to speak with you…and as soon as it's safe, all questions will be answered. But I'll go ahead and confirm one conclusion you've probably already come to…what happened to you was no accident. Eric Coulter tried to murder you, and we can prove it."

Ayden's eyes round in angry disbelief, this whole conversation feeling surreal. He opens his mouth to speak, but she immediately cuts him off.

"As I said, I have precious little time, so I can't elaborate right now. I'm only here to give you a few bits of vital instruction. You'll undergo a breakthrough medical procedure, though it will be charted as 'exploratory surgery' …but it will actually be corrective. The doctor performing your surgery has agreed to make you better, stronger, and faster than before. You'll need less recovery time, and will be ready to rejoin Dauntless much earlier than expected."

"What the fuck are you talking about? What is going on?" Ayden sputters, confused.

"Ayden," she interjects again, a hint of frustration in her tone. "As I said, I don't have time to explain right now. But you have to trust me….I'm one of the very few you can. Now listen to me."

"Why should I listen? Why should I believe a fucking word you say? I don't even know who the fuck you are…"

Her eyes meet his, and she takes a deep breath. "Because I know how much you love Jade Crawford, and would do anything to protect her, especially from a monster like Eric Coulter. You'll trust me and listen to what I have to say, if you want to save her life…she and her mother are in extreme grave danger."

Stunned silent, Ayden stares at her as she quickly continues. "We have several allies within Erudite, your doctor being one of them, that are against Jeanine, and what she's planning to do. Once you're out of here, I can explain exactly what that is…so we have to get you the fuck out of here quickly. This surgery is going to correct all the damage done."

Ayden's eyes grow wild, not processing everything she's told him. "You mean if I agree to let you do this and it works…I'll be able to walk again?"

"Not only will you walk again, you'll be almost indestructible."

"How do I know I can trust you? You literally just waltzed in here and laid all of this at my feet in less than five minutes!"

"Because our leader personally entrusted me to see this done, and getting you back in top physical form is my only interest in your recovery."

She takes a deep breath, then a sympathetic smile pulls at her mouth. "Believe me, I realize you have every right to be suspicious and not trust me…but it doesn't matter. You're too vital to our cause to lose….so I'm not giving you a choice." With that, she quickly pulls a syringe from her pocket and injects his neck.

Then his whole world went black…for how much time, he isn't certain.

When he finally came to, he was in a recovery room in a separate wing at the Erudite medical ward. For the first time in months, his body didn't explode with pain whenever he moved. He could actually bend his knees and legs, and get out of his bed without any assistance.

He would not be allowed to return to Dauntless without a clean bill of health, so he'd been housed at a separate unit after being formally discharged from the hospital. There he did physical therapy, slowly regaining his strength and then some. Every time he lifted a weight, he stared at himself in the mirror, watching the sick, pale, broken man he'd been fall away. He pictured Jade in bed with Eric, and let that be what fueled his determination to get back to the man he was.

The man that Jade deserved.

One night after he returned from physical therapy, there was a note that had been slipped under his door, with just an address and a short message:

_Lincoln Park, nature boardwalk – midnight. Come alone._

Against his better judgement he went, determined to get to the bottom of this. He stood under the large, rusted arch of the boardwalk, ducking the Dauntless patrols monitoring the streets after curfew. At precisely midnight, a dark hooded figure emerged from the shadows…and it was the last person he'd ever expect to see.

Just then his phone rattles in his pocket, startling him from his reverie. He could just let it go, but he knows it'll just keep ringing until he answers…he already knows who it is. There's only one person that has this number.

"Yeah," he answers with no other greeting.

"Everything in place?" the voice on the other ends asks.

"Sort of…"

"What do you mean 'sort of'? What went wrong?"

"Nothing…I just…I ran into her and I wasn't prepared."

"Define unprepared…"

"It's nothing, forget it…"

"No, I will not forget it…what happened?"

Ayden exhales, shaking his head. "Nothing happened, I just…I don't know. It's hard to sit back and watch her with this cocksucker, knowing what he's planning. It's taking everything in me right now, to keep from just doing what needs to be done. It's what it's going to come to anyway."

"Listen," the voice thunders. "You really think I, of all people don't know what's going through your head right now? You think I don't know just how badly you want to crack that motherfucker's skull against the wall the minute you see him? I get it…I do. But there's a larger move at play here."

After a long pause, the other end finally breaks the silence.

"Not that you need to be reminded again, but the Dauntless council is corrupt, and in bed with that Erudite bitch on a scheme to murder an entire faction…but we can stop it. We are the only thing that can save this city, and the people we love. We've laid a lot of groundwork, and we've come too far to have it blown. You understand me Sawyer?"

Ayden rubs his temple, sighing into the phone. "Yeah…I do. I wasn't implying anything…it's just that this might prove to be a little more difficult than I thought. It's hard to see her, knowing that asshole has his hooks so deep, and the danger he's putting Jade in. Though I won't, part of me thinks I should just put a bullet in Coulter's head and get it over with."

A deep sigh rustles the receiver. "Listen to me," a stern voice commands. Ayden squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. He stares into the dark night sky, knowing he needs to listen to reason.

"You can have her back, Ayden. You can give Jade the life you and she deserve, free from Coulter's pain and poison. You can have all of it back, and then some. You know as well as I do what will happen once we expose those assholes. A literal much bigger world will be at your feet. _Just stay the fucking course_ , no matter what and I'll make good on everything I promised. You're the only man that can get this done…which is why I facilitated your whole recovery. You're the only one I trust with this job, and with one of the most precious things in the world to me…which is why you are the only person other than my immediate command who even knows who the fuck I am. If you really love her as much as you swore to me you do, you really want her back and Coulter gone for good, then this is the way to do it…the _only_ way. Do not blow this chance, Sawyer…it's the only one you'll get. Are we clear?"

Ayden takes another drag, staring straight ahead as smoke billows around his head. "Yeah, we're clear…and there's nothing to worry about. I know it needs to be done, I just wish there was another way…" he trails off.

"There's not…but it'll pay off in the end."

"I know."

"Good…then I expect everything to be in place when we're ready."'

The other end hangs up without another word. As Ayden puts his phone away, his hand brushes the small object on the inside pocket. He takes a deep breath, thankful for the reminder he needed to strengthen his resolve. He pulls out Jade's engagement ring, running his thumb over the smooth surface. One word repeats in his mind as he stares in the direction of the Dauntless housing units.

Soon.

His eye shifts toward the very top of the building, where Eric's penthouse is. The past year's events rear up in his subconscious as he stares, passing by him in his peripheral vision. As he thinks of everything, from Eric manipulating Jade into his bed, to trying to kill him on the train, rage and his overwhelming love for Jade drive his determination to see this through. He just has to be patient. When the time is right, everything will fall into place as planned. This ring will be back on Jade's finger where it belongs, and Eric gone for good.

Soon, he'll take back everything that is rightfully his, and give Eric exactly what's coming to him.


	31. Look What You Made Me Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade gets some rather startling news from Max, and unleashes her fury on what happened with Eric. Good stuff is at the end. Profanity and smut.
> 
> **Domestic violence warning*** if you are triggered by DV, please read with caution. Though Jade is the main aggressor, things get a little rough for a second.
> 
> Emmy

* * *

You want to get breakfast?"

Tamra and I hold our arms out, letting the laser scan over us. After it beeps, we fall into step beside each other. We went for an early morning run, so early in fact, dawn hasn't broken over the horizon. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I slowly shake my head.

"I would love to, but I can't. I have an early meeting with Max. I only have 30 minutes, so I have to grab a shower. We can meet afterwards, though…"

"You have a meeting now? It's not even 5:30…."

"I know, right? But for some reason, Max wanted to meet early."

"What about?"

"Wish I knew."

Frowning, we round the corner and make our way through the tunnel. Tamra glances at me, then shrugs. "Does it have anything to do with Eric?" she asks gently, making me inhale sharply.

I've stayed at my Mom's for the past three nights, not trusting myself and what I'd do, if I came home and found Eric waiting for me. I've successfully managed to evade him for now, blocking his texts and calls and not seeing him in person. I thankfully didn't leave anything at his apartment I can't easily replace…I have no intention of ever setting foot there again. Fresh pain needles at my heart, but I wrestle it down.

"I don't know…but I can't imagine so."

"Well…you've been going with the council on meetings more often as of late…maybe he just wants to make sure there's nothing that will get in the way of business…."

"Eric and I just broke up a few days ago, I don't even think he knows."

We walk in silence for a moment, then Tamra clears her throat. "So it really is done, then?" I don't answer her right away, surprised she would even need to ask. Scoffing a little, I chuckle humorlessly as we reach the Pit. "Oh yeah…it's done. For good, this time." We slow down as we get near the elevators. "Jade…we don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to, but you never did say what happened…you just showed up at my door and scared the shit out of me…" she trails off, and I feel a stab of guilt at making her worry.

I run my hand over my hair with a sigh. "Well, since we're somewhat pressed for time, the condensed version is this…." Tamra raises her brow as I begin to describe the other night, starting with the fight in Eric's new apartment. "Holy shit," she murmurs, not quite knowing what to say.

"Oh…and get a load of this. He actually cornered me when I came back, and said it 'wasn't what it looked like'. Like I'm a fucking idiot," I spit. Tamra nods thoughtfully, cocking her head to the side.

"Just out of curiosity…what exactly did you see?"

My eyes cut to her sharply. "Here, let me paint the whole fucking picture. After having a pretty vicious fight earlier in the day, I decide I'm going to take the advice of well-meaning friends and talk to him. I find out he's at a fuck-fest with some of the biggest pussy hounds in Dauntless, and track him down." My voice becomes thick, my anger and hurt seeping in. "To where I then walk into a secluded bathroom, to find my now-ex-boyfriend half naked, fucking a used-up skank against the wall…and he didn't look happy to be interrupted. "

"He was actually having sex with her?"

Her tone is even, but something tells me to be on my guard. "Mom…what are you getting at? It's not hard to put together."

Tamra sighs, turning her palms up. "Nothing…I'm just trying to make sure you aren't wiling your eyes to play tricks on you. From what it sounds like, you were pretty upset when you went searching for him, and you simply may have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Have you talked to him at all since then?" I cut my eyes away, feeling my hurt start to overwhelm me.

"No, and I don't plan to. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to talk about. In fact, when you think about it, he really didn't do anything wrong."

Tamra's face flickers, not expecting that. "How do you figure?" she asks cautiously. With a casual shrug, I purse my lips. "Because I can't really be angry at him for moving on, when I pretty much told him we were over. From a logical standpoint, who and what he chooses to do from now on, is none of my business, not my concern, and I in fact don't have the right to be angry." A lump forms in my throat, but I press on.

"All this shows me is that I never really meant anything to him at all, so it's actually good this happened. The only way we would end is 'badly', and it's probably for the best that it happened sooner rather than later. Now we're both free to live our lives without wasting any more of each other's time."

Tamra's eyes soften, as she brushes a strand of hair from my forehead. "I'm just saying, Jade. You know as well as I do that most Dauntless men have a volatile temperament, and think with their cock. However, Eric is not Dauntless-born. And despite what seems to be a widely perceived idea that Eric is as big as whore as the rest of Dauntless Neanderthals, he really doesn't strike me as unselective in with whom he shares a bed…I'm sorry, but I just can't see him fucking a Reserve. I don't think he'd want a woman any man can have…he'd want the only one that no one but him can have. And that, my dear, is _you_."

"Mom, I really don't want to get into this right now…I just need some time to breathe, and take in this very important life lesson I've learned." I move closer, gazing at her solemnly. "I also want to apologize. I'm an adult now, and shouldn't have dropped all this at your doorstep. My mess of a personal life is not your fault or problem, and I shouldn't have allowed it to impede on yours. I'm sorry if I've caused any inconvenience for you these past few days…"

Tamra immediately takes my hand, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles. "Jade, my daughter needed her mother, it was not an inconvenience and never will be…you can always come home, whenever. But it's true you're an adult now, and part of being an adult is not ignoring your problems. Even though you're putting on a brave face, probably for my sake, I still know my daughter and I'm not fooled. I just hate seeing you like this…"

Tears spring to my eyes again, as I take a deep, shaky breath. "Mom, I'm okay, really…We're not the first couple to break up, and life goes on. I just want to move on from this whole disaster." Trying to shake off this heavy feeling, I sigh deeply and will myself to get it together. I have a meeting with Max soon, and the last thing I want to be in front of him is emotional. My mom gives me a quick hug, then pulls back with a hesitant smile.

"Oh, honey I need to ask…what are your plans for tonight?"

"Probably just hang out for a little bit and then come home…why?"

A small blush comes over Tamra, as she takes a sip of her bottled water. "Well…I just…um…Mason is off tonight, and we were going to hang out. I just need to know if we should stay at his place instead…." She trails off as an elated smirk pulls at my mouth.

"Really," I purr, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. Tamra pretends to scowl, her cheeks reddening further.

"So is it serious?"

"Not even…we only just started seeing each other."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing's wrong with him…I just don't do 'serious'…you know that."

I smile warmly and touch her arm. "I'm just glad you're finally getting back out there…took you long enough. Did you remember to wax? I'd hate for him not to be able to find it," I laugh. Tamra pretends to scowl, then giggles with me. She's about to say something else, when she stops suddenly.

Tamra's grin melts to a frown, as something catches her eye over my shoulder. My good humor begins to fade as I follow her line of vision, to see three Dauntless guards hanging out near the opposite tunnel, smoking and engaging each other in casual conversation. Just then, an older one notices our stare and gives a nod and small wave, which neither of us return. My mouth sets in a hard line as I turn back to my mom, whose expression is equally annoyed.

"You've been getting this feeling too?" I ask.

"The feeling that I'm being followed? Yes…."

Tamra exhales sharply, her eyes narrowing. "I thought I was imagining it before…but it seems as though every time I turn around, there's someone in my path. Even in places they shouldn't be…it's weird."

"Like where?"

"Like on the shooting range. Yesterday, two guards just hung out in the observation box, not really watching, but not saying what they were doing there. When I asked them if they needed something, they got weird. They left, and so did I, but there were more guards I could have sworn were following me from a distance. I even changed course to see if I was crazy, and nope….there they were when I got on an elevator."

My face twists in annoyed confusion. "Thank you…I thought I was imagining it too, but I'm always feeling eyes on me, and when I look up, I usually see a soldiers a few feet away. It seems like barring the other night, I can't go anywhere in the compound without tripping over someone in tactical gear. Not to mention, when we were running out in the street just now, I could've sworn that patrol car was tailing us…." Tamra nods in agreement.

"I thought that too, but then I just figured with all the attacks lately, they're just ramping up on patrols. But it seems you and I are getting most of the attention…but why? What the hell is going on?" She muses aloud, and I hear the frustration in her voice.

My mind abruptly flashes back to the day I found the photos in Eric's office. Suddenly, it clicks. My mom and I both have felt eyes on us everywhere we go, it seems at least one soldier is always in our path, I can't get on an elevator without someone suddenly jumping on with me. My fury begins to rise, and I realize what I originally suspected is true:

Eric is having me, and my mom followed…son of a bitch…

Tamra studies my face, concerned. "Jade? What is it?" My eyes meet hers, realizing I never told her about what I found. I don't want to worry her, so I decide to I'm not going to tell her just yet. I need to find out what the fuck is going on, and this time, trust my own instincts.

I force my face to relax, giving my mom a tight smile. "Nothing…I'm just as perplexed as you are about all this." I glance at my phone. "Well, I gotta get going, don't want to be late for my meeting." Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, I press for the elevator. "I'll see you later, baby girl," Tamra calls as I step on. I give a small wave, then let my forced smile go as the doors close. I keep the button pressed, before anyone can open it and jump on with me.

I gave Eric the benefit of the doubt when I first asked him if he was having me tailed, but I see now I was an idiot to believe him…about anything. My eyes narrow into slits, my jaw clenching as the elevator carries me upwards.

If Eric wants to watch me so badly, I'm going to make sure to give him something to fucking see.

* * *

Max looks up as I knock lightly, holding the phone between his ear and shoulder. "How many are they requesting ...That seems a little excessive… who's the defendant?" he asks the other end, waving me in. He points to the chair across from his desk. I lower myself into it, crossing my ankles and willing my leg not to tap. A nervous strum begins to flow through my body, as I wait impatiently for him to get off the phone.

Max said he needed to speak with me, but didn't say why. I've had a gut feeling that I may have screwed something up with my meeting with Jeanine, but Max hasn't said a word about it…until now. I hate feeling like something is right in front of me that I can't see, and I've felt like that for a while. Although I really shouldn't expect him to, Max never explained why he pulled me off my Ambassador rotation, nor what I did to deserve it. I don't buy this bullshit about suspending all visits for all ambassadors for a minute.

I'm Dauntless, and we don't run from danger.

Finally, Max hangs up and leans back in his chair. "Hey…I know it's early but I'm running a little behind schedule today, so this'll be quick." He picks up his coffee, taking a sip as eyes me for a moment. "We're going to have an official meeting about this later, but I wanted to talk to you first. I didn't want to blindside you when we meet with the rest of the council." My heart starts to pound, as I have no idea what this is about.

Max rests his tattooed forearms in front of him, lacing his fingers. "As you know, Choosing Day and initiation is right around the corner, and it got me thinking about your job placement interview. Upon further discussion with the council, as well as some other analysis within our faction, it was determined that your suggestions for redesigning our training structure were very lucid, and made too much sense to ignore."

My mouth puckers slightly, still not certain what he's getting at. "I see…well, I'm glad I could offer some perspective on that end." I shake my head silently, completely confused. What does this have to do with me?

Thankfully, he gets straight to the point. "Initiation will now be divided as you suggested…instead of being separated by transfer and faction born, the divide will be between men and women. They'll be ranked separately by gender. The numbers will also be equal for each. The top ranked men, and top ranked women will join us here at Dauntless, while the rest will be dismissed. Being that our numbers will double during initiation, that means more qualified Dauntless personnel will need to assist in training…which brings me to why I called you in here today."

Max leans forward, eying me impassively. "You seem to have a keen eye for noticing what others miss, and I think that'll be valuable in the upcoming initiation class. I'll need close scrutiny on our initiates to weed out the weak ones early, per your suggestion. You also proved to be the best of the best, of both the men and women, in your own class. For that purpose, I've decided you will be one of the instructors this cycle. You, Lauren, Tanya, and Ivy will lead the female division of training this year."

Dread falls over me, as I grip the ends of my chair. Me…an instructor? I would be terrible at it…I have no patience. My eyes widen, as another horrifying reality hits me. Eric is the councilman in charge of Initiate Training. He oversees instructors and makes certain procedures are carried out to his specifications and standards. He holds regular meetings and works closely with his staff…I would be part of his staff…

_Eric would be my boss…._

Immediately shaking my head, I sit up a little straighter, trying to keep from panicking. "Sir…I'm flattered that you considered me for this, but I'll be honest. I don't think this would be a very good move…." My voice holds a little more force than I intended. I purse my lips together in an attempt to calm down.

Max's expression loses a degree or two of warmth, studying me for a moment. This is not what he was expecting me to say.

"How so?"

"Well…for starters; there's a reason I didn't pick leadership. I'm not very patient, and I don't think I'd be a good instructor. Then there's the other thing…"

Max raises his brow. "What other thing?" Taking a deep breath, I look down before continuing, then bring my eyes to his. Might as well tell him the truth.

"I prefer to keep my personal life separated from my professional one. With that being said, Eric is the head of the Initiate Program…if I took this position, this would mean that I work for him…he'd be my boss. Let's just say that's an arrangement that I _strongly_ feel would not be a good one."

An amused smirk pulls at Max's mouth, as he shrugs. "I can see how you'd have cause for concern in that aspect, but nevertheless, I have confidence you and Coulter have the Dauntless' best interest as your common goal, and will be able to keep your personal lives separated. You're not the first colleagues in Dauntless to have a romantic involvement, and you won't be the last."

Giving a wry shake of my head, my tongue clicks against the roof of my mouth. "Well…sir…that's the thing. Eric and I no longer have a romantic involvement….and quite frankly, I prefer _no_ involvement… personal, professional, or of _any_ kind for that matter, with that asshole ever again."

Max had turned back to his computer, but his eyes whip to mine in surprise. Dead, heavy silence hangs in the air as my heart hammers in my chest. "I wasn't apprised of that…when did this happen?" he finally asks. Unless I'm imagining, I detect a hint of disapproval in his tone.

"Recently…but it's definitely over, and it wasn't exactly an amicable parting."

Max doesn't say anything for minute, as I squirm in my chair. This is one of the most uncomfortable conversations I've ever had, and I desperately want it to be over. Max continues to eye me from across his desk, looking as though he's mentally calculating something.

"Though the personal lives of my staff are none of my business and not something that usually interest me, I'll still ask out of sheer curiosity. What happened?"

Shit.

Struggling to keep my face composed, I shrug nonchalantly. "Oh, you know...Eric and I weren't really a good match from the start. It went as far as it was ever going to go, and it just ran its course. To be honest, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did…" Feeling my upset starting to show, I quickly rein myself back in. Pressing my tongue to the roof of my mouth, I look everywhere but at him. Max seems to sense my struggle, and looks away. He's not used to emotional females, and he's a little out of his element.

"I have to say I'm surprised…it seems you two really found your match in each other." Max pulls a cigarette from the pack on his desk. He shrugs as he cups to light it. "Things have a way of working themselves out…perhaps whatever happened will be resolved by the time training starts."

"Well…that might've been a possibility, before I walked in on him going balls-deep in a Reserve."

Smoke billows around Max's head as his brow arches, visibly caught off guard. A thick, heavy tension coats the room, as he just stares for what seems like an eternity. Slowly nodding his head, he rubs his chin before speaking. "Well…I can certainly see how that would…throw a wrench into your relationship." Swallowing thickly, I curse the tears that start to well in my chest.

 _Don't you fucking dare cry in front of Max_ , I order myself sternly.

Lifting my chin, I sigh deeply. "Again, sir…there is no relationship to speak of any longer. Being as such, I prefer to have as much distance between Eric and I as can be possibly gathered. I think that'd be best." Max shakes his head in refusal, his mouth set in a firm line.

"While I can certainly appreciate your position, unfortunately, that has no bearing on my decision. The good of the faction takes precedence over all else, including personal situations and strife. As we are beginning a new system of training… a system you suggested…I need the best of the best to help identify and bring forth the elite. You and Coulter are adults, and I expect you to act like it while at work. Whatever happens on your personal time is between the two of you, and I expect it will not be brought into training, or present an issue."

Though he says it as a statement, his tone makes it clear that it's a warning. Licking my lips, I keep my jaw tightly clenched to keep what I want to say from coming out. Something else occurs to me, making my mouth twist in a frown.

"What about my ambassador job?"

"What about it?"

"Well, I do have other duties and responsibilities at Dauntless, and it's going to be challenging to juggle the two…"

"Agreed. Which is why your rotation will be delegated out to your colleagues for the duration of training, so you'll be free to focus on the task at hand."

My eyes narrow, my jaw dropping in angry disbelief. "I'm being pulled from the Ambassador panel? _Why_?" I snap, my displeasure clearly heard in my demand.

Max inhales sharply, drawing himself up in his chair. He's the head councilman of Dauntless, not used to his decisions being questioned, and it's not something he'll tolerate. Leveling me with his glare, he leans forward with a clenched jaw.

"Because I fucking said so…and that's the only explanation you need. Perhaps you should be removed from both positions and sent to guard the wall, where there'll be no interaction with _anyone_ , since you deem this to be such a problem," he thunders.

As we face off against the desk, I decide the damage is done and I'm not going to back down. Against my better judgement, I decide to call his bluff. Leaning back in my chair, my mouth curves into a satisfied smile.

"Okay…accepted. What section of the wall should I report to, and which commander will I be under?"

"What?"

I lean forward, giving him my own defiant glare. "You're right...me working for Eric is a huge problem…but I like your solution. I would rather freeze my fucking ass off on the wall and risk being killed by renegade factionless, than _ever_ have to deal with Eric Coulter again. So, I accept the alternative you just offered. When should I report out there?"

Max's face flickers, as I arch my brow at him expectedly. I'm getting a sort sick sense of satisfaction at his anger, though I should be terrified. _Stop it right now_ , that little inner voice pleads. Fuck it…if he's really going to send me to the wall, then I have nothing to lose anyway. I don't break eye contact as I wait for him to answer me.

A vein begins to pulse in Max's temple, as he pushes his chair back and stands. He slowly makes his way around his desk, stopping in front of me.

"Jade…I don't know what the fuck has gotten in to you right now, but whatever it is, you better get rid of it and fast. You are on very dangerous ground, and my patience is about run out. Though I'm not in the habit of tolerating insubordination, I'm going to chalk this little tantrum you seem to be having up to going through some shit…or perhaps it's simply that time of the month for you, and you're not in your right mind. Whatever the case may be…the simple fact is this."

Towering over me, he leans closer until he's within an inch of my face.

" _I don't give a shit what's going on with you_ …I am still your leader. I _say_ , and you _do_. That's how this works. What I _say_ , is that you will be an instructor under Eric for training this year…so that is what you will _do_ , and I will not hear another fucking word about it. Are we clear?" he growls.

Feeling my temper flare again, I try to keep myself in check. Max's tone strikes a chord with me, as it's the same one my father used to take when I was in trouble. Quickly weighing my options for a minute, I decide to hit him where it hurts.

"Clear," I all but spit with a mocking smile. "I mean…I wouldn't want to end up like my father, now would I. My mother was never the same, and never really did forgive you, either."

Fire begins to ignite in Max's eye as I decide to plunge the knife a little deeper, adrenaline pumping through my veins.

"You know, I used to hear her crying in misery at night...that is, after she held me while I cried. She barely survived having our family being ripped apart the way it was, and it really changed her…ruined part of her. Maybe that's why she's chosen to be lonely and in pain all these years, though she pretended she wasn't for my sake." The smile slips from my face as my eyes narrow.

"I can only imagine what would happen if she lost her only daughter by your hand.…there's no telling what she'd do…but then again, you already stated me 'leaving this faction was never going to happen'…so I guess I can just hope you're a man of your word. I'd hate to see my mother's heart destroyed all over again…something tells me you would too."

Max searches my face, stunned silent by my blatant petulance. I see his internal struggle, relishing the fact that I made his stoic mask slip for once. He can pretend to be a hard-ass all he wants, but I know the truth. The regret over what he did to Tamra, the love of his life and the woman he pines for every day, will always be his weakness. Max takes several deep breaths, then juts his chin toward the door.

" _Get the fuck out_ …but you best believe I _will_ address this later."

Pushing my own chair back, I stand while openly scowling. Tearing my eyes away, I turn to leave quickly before I dig the hole any deeper. Stomping out of his office, I shake my head in determination.

One way or the other…I'm going to make Max regret this deeply.

* * *

Later that night, I toss my shot back, then slam my glass down in front of me. Rachel whistles through her teeth, shaking her head. "Jesus Christ, this is going to be a disaster…" she murmurs.

"Oh, and get this…." I twist my stool around to face Rachel, my jaw clenched in frustration. "I even tried to piss off Max on purpose, just so he wouldn't make me do this. Told him to put me on the fucking wall, and he wouldn't do it."

"You really would rather guard the wall? That's a little extreme Jade…."

I throw my hands in the air, my anger getting the best of me. " _I don't give a baker's fuck!_ I would rather freeze my ass off, be harassed by horny, lonely guards and risk being killed by factionless than _ever_ work for Eric Coulter!" I vaguely realize I'm shouting, but I'm three shots in, and modesty went out the window a long time ago. Rachel stares at me wide-eyed, caught off guard. "Jade…" she tries to begin, but I cut her off.

"I never want to see that motherfucker again as long as I live, and I would actually rather be factionless than fucking work for him! It's not going to happen, Rachel...I can't fucking _look_ at the Goddamn prick without wanting to rip his balls off and slap him with them…and I'm supposed to _work_ for him? _I'm supposed to show him respect as my boss? Are you fucking kidding me?"_

Finally, I start to come down from tirade. Rachel just stares at me open-mouthed, not certain what to do or say. She glances around, and I do the same. Fuck…everyone in the place is staring at me in shock. I guess I really was louder than intended. My eyes narrow into a glare, as I quickly sweep the room. Everyone immediately goes back to pretending they weren't staring, though I hear the whispers.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Rachel…I'm just so fucking pissed about this whole thing, and I'm just freaking the fuck out."

Rachel takes another sip, shaking her head. "It's alright…I get it. Besides, I'm starting to get used to it. I don't know what's going on, but everyone's love life seems to be completely fucked up, including mine." She shrugs, searching her pocket for a joint. "At least one of us is doing the right thing, for once."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Samantha's finally had it. She moved out of Jason's apartment today. She's staying with me until the housing office has a unit ready for her."

"No shit…"

Rachel sighs sadly, running a hand through her hair. "She's pretty fucked up over it. She said she loves Jason, but she can't keep kidding herself any longer. She's tired of pretending not to know he screws around every chance he gets, or that he'll actually stop once they get married. Catching him in the act was her breaking point."

My brows raise in surprise. "Oh shit…I didn't even think of that…I was so distracted by what happened with Eric, I didn't even think about Samantha…what happened?"

Rachel whistles lowly, shaking her head. "Well, after you ran out, Samantha caught sight of Jason on a couch, while some skank was bouncing on his dick. He was so fucked up he didn't even realize Samantha was standing there until she threw a beer bottle at his face. Got him pretty good, too."

"Did he go after her at all?"

"No…not until later. She's been staying at my place ever since that night. Jason hasn't come home, probably thinking she needs some time to cool off. He doesn't even realize she moved out. She said he's texted the usual 'I'm sorry, I was drunk' bullshit, there's only so many times she can hear that."

I shake my head with a look of disgust. It wouldn't have mattered if he were drunk or not…he's absolute scum.

As the hour grows late, Rachel checks her phone. "Shit," she slurs slightly. "It's getting late, and I have to work tomorrow." I check my own phone and see it's almost midnight. I toss the rest of my drink back, and we stand to leave. "You want to stay at my place tonight? We can all bitch about our newly single status together," Rachel offers as we make our way through the Pit. Sighing, I hang my head for a moment.

"Yes, but I won't…"

"Why not?"

"Because I've been staying with my mom for the past few nights, and I want to sleep in my own bed."

I feel tears prick my eyes as we get near the elevator. "Besides…I'm being ridiculous. I refuse to be chased out of my own home any longer. It doesn't matter if Eric shows up or not …my home is still my home, and I don't have to let anyone in it. I'm going to have to go eventually, and it might as well be tonight."

Rachel gives a sympathetic smile, brushing my shoulder. "I feel you. It sucks, but you're right. But my door is open if you change your mind." I give her a grateful smile, when a loud crash sounds to my right.

We turn to see a girl, about 14 or 15, on top of another girl roughly the same age, pummeling her face. " _You fucking cunt, I'll fucking kill you_!" she screams, with another vicious blow. There's a loud pop, then blood starts to gush from the other girl's nose. Reaching up and grabbing a fistful of hair, the other girl manages to drag her down, leveling a hard hit to her jaw.

"Jesus," Rachel mutters as we quickly move to break it up. Pushing our way through the crowd that began to gather, the girls continue to tussle with each other. Just as the shorter girl raises her fist to punch again, I grab her arm and pin it behind her back, holding her in place. Rachel wrenches the bleeding girl on the ground away, holding both of her arms behind her. Even as they're pulled apart, they continue to scream.

" _You fucking cunt, you're dead!"_

" _Please, bitch I will fuck you up!"_

" _Ladies!"_ I thunder through gritted teeth, still holding her immobile as she tries to break free. "What seems to be the problem here?" She continues to struggle as I hold her in place, leaving me no choice. As I slam her up against the rock wall, she manages to turn her face just in time. "I'm not going to let you go until you _calm the fuck down_. I'm a better fighter than she is…I wouldn't test me," I growl.

As her rage begins to ebb, she finally nods. Relaxing my grip, I keep my hand on her arm as I let her off the wall. I don't trust her not to pop off again. I turn to see Rachel has the other girl subdued, though she keeps her hand on her arm.

"What the fuck is this all about? Why are the two of you trying to kill each other?" I demand, looking between them.

The shorter girl steps forward, and I pull her back. "Because _that_ fucking whore," she shakes her finger accusingly, "fucked my boyfriend!" Her chest is heaving, as the other girl scoffs. "It's not my fault your pussy isn't any good…

Rachel and I glance at each other, then quickly sweep the crowd. Finally, my eyes land on a tall, muscular tattooed boy about the same age. He's standing on the edge, grinning like a Cheshire cat. His friends stand beside him, all chuckling and nudging his shoulder. My eyes narrow in disgust, as I see this young, dumb asshole eating it up. Clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth, I glance back to Rachel. She's noticed him too, and we're in silent agreement as our eyes meet.

Time to teach this little boy a lesson.

Loosening my grip, I roll my eyes in disgust. " _Oh for Christ's sake_ …if you're going to get in a fight, do it over something important, not some random, mediocre cock you'll forget about in five years," I scoff. Rachel nods. "I'm just _dying_ to know who apparently has such a diamond dick, you two are willing to be tear each other apart over it," she calls out, waving her free hand in gesture.

Suddenly, the boy looks uncomfortable as both girls glance in his direction. Following their line of vision, I pretend to let my eyes land on him. His face reddens as I let my jaw drop in exaggerated fashion. Rachel bites back a grin, seeing I'm about to have a lot of fun.

"Oh, you gotta be fucking _kidding_ me," I exclaim, shaking my head incredulously. Pretending to peer more closely, I turn back to the girls with a sneer.

" _This_ guy? _This_ fucking peacock, that's standing here letting you two kill each other, when it's _his_ ass you should be kicking, and not each other's? Seriously?"

The crowd titters, the girls suddenly looking embarrassed. The boy clenches his jaw, his furious glare radiating my way. With a wicked grin, I decide to twist the knife a little further. "Ladies," I begin in a bored tone. Stepping between them, I raise my voice so everyone can hear me clearly.

"Look around you...there's not exactly a shortage of dick in this place. Do you have any idea how stupid the two of you look, fighting over _one_? Especially an asshole that obviously doesn't give a fuck about either of you, and just wants to stand here showboating for his friends? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Both girls are now looking at the floor, red-faced. "Listen, the two of you want to kill each other, save it for Initiation. But don't do it over this…don't give this loser another thought," Rachel adds.

I nod in agreement. "He's not worth it…especially when you won't even remember his name in a few years…and he won't remember yours either." My voice becomes thick, as tears well out of nowhere. Hastily brushing them back, I look between the two of them.

"I know you guys are young, but let me lay this on the table for future reference; You're probably not the first ones he's done this to, and by the looks of things, you won't be the last. Do yourselves a favor and forget him….he's not worth it. Any asshole that would play with your feelings, make you think he cares about you, when he's really sticking his dick in anything that will let him, _is_ _not fucking worth it! Don't be a fucking idiot!"_

The crowd has gone eerily silent, everyone stunned by my little outburst. They glance at each other in question, trying to figure it out. "Get the fuck out of here," I hiss at the two of them. They scamper off as I stand there shaking my head, pissed off at myself this time.

If only I had remembered everything I'd said, before I fell into the abyss known as Eric Coulter.

* * *

I decide to stop by my office before heading to my apartment, needing to pick up a few files so I can work from home tomorrow. After my little outburst this morning with Max, it's probably wise to stay out of his site for a while. After gathering what I need, I begin to make my way out of HQ when the door to the main entrance suddenly slams. Surprised, I glance at my phone and wonder who could possibly be working this late…only emergency dispatch is here at this hour.

Shrugging it off, I'm almost at the exit when I see Eric leaning against the doorway.

Stopping dead in my tracks, we just stare at each other for a minute. "What the fuck are you doing," I finally sneer, narrowing my eyes. His cold blue eyes bore into me, not saying anything. "We need to talk, Jade…you can't avoid me forever," he states in calm, even voice. A few rushed minutes pass between us, and I force myself to remain impassive. Remembering my promise to myself, I take a deep breath and shake my head.

"We have nothing to talk about...and I don't have time for this."

"I don't give a fuck…it's been long enough, and I've had it."

"Get out of my way, Eric…I don't want to do this the hard way."

Eric doesn't say anything as we remain deadlocked, and I feign a bored expression. "Besides, I'm sure you want to get to the Reserve ward, before all they're all claimed for the night," I spit, moving past him for the door. Eric swears under his breath, exhaling furiously.

" _That is fucking it_!" he finally roars, reaching forward and grabbing my arm. Before I have time to protest, he yanks me toward him, lifting me off my feet. Taking advantage of me being too surprised to resist, he practically throws me backwards. I manage to catch myself just in time, almost falling over a desk.

After rapidly punching a code in the security box, he turns back with a furious scowl. With his hands clenched into fists, he slowly makes his way toward me until he stops a few feet away.

"For the last fucking time, _you don't know what you saw_. I'm Goddamn sick of you avoiding me, and you are not fucking leaving until we talk about this," he vows, crossing his arms. A cold, vicious grin spreads over me as we face off. Never breaking eye contact, I casually slide my hand down to my side. Eric's eyes round as I quickly draw my gun from the holster, aiming it a few feet to his right.

"Wanna bet?" I challenge.

With my eyes locked with his, I squeeze the trigger. The security panel is blown completely off, clattering to the floor. Eric immediately jumps to the side, throwing his arms up to shield himself. He stares in irate disbelief as I saunter toward the now open door, the smile never leaving my face.

"Sorry Eric…what skank you may, or may not have fucked is of no interest to me. That's your business, and no longer any of mine. I really don't give a shit either way."

As I begin to make my way out, the sound of his boots thump on the concrete behind me. "Goddamn it," I hear him growl under his breath. As soon as I feel his hand on my arm, I whirl around and press the barrel right under his chin. Eric instantly freezes, gulping as I cock the hammer. Pressing a little harder, I bring my face within a breath of his, clenching my teeth.

"Trust me Eric….just let me go. _You do not want to follow me right now,"_ I hiss dangerously, my eyes glittering with suppressed rage.

As we stare each other down, my senses slowly start to return. I need to calm down. There are cameras everywhere, and Compound Security is probably having a field day. I'm going to have to explain what happened to the door, and this is getting way out of hand already.

Slowly lowering my gun, I give him one last pointed look before turning and stomping away. I glance over my shoulder, seeing Eric simply watching me with a look of determination. Quickly hurrying to the nearest elevator, I breathe a sigh of relief when it opens immediately. Taking a deep breath as I push for my floor, I feel anger seeping in at myself. He baited me, and I took it. I just have to keep reminding myself of one thing.

No matter how good it would feel right now, Eric Coulter is not worth spending the rest of my life locked up on a murder charge.

* * *

"Fuck," I swear under my breath. I can't seem to unlock the door to my apartment, though I've tried three times. Our outdated lock system was recently replaced by palm readers, and I was away while mine was installed. Finally, my faction code pops up on the little screen, the door unlatching.

As soon as I cross over the threshold, I make sure to lock it. After our little exchange just now, I doubt Eric will follow me here but it doesn't hurt to be too cautious. My hands are still shaking, and I can't seem to catch my breath. Quickly making my way to the kitchen, I reach for the nearest bottle of liquor in my cabinet.

Savoring the sweet burn as I gulp it down, I close my eyes and tilt my face upwards. What a fucking day…all I want to do is go to bed, and pretend it was a bad dream. I tip the bottle back and finish the last of it. As I set it back on the counter, there's sudden beep from my front door. My head whips toward it, the hair on my neck starting to rise.

The door bangs open, Eric stomping through it. His posture is tense, his jaw muscles pulsing with anger.

"We are not finished…we can't leave it like this. You are going to finally hear me out, whether you want to or not," he grits out, kicking the door closed with his heel.

Rolling my eyes, I step out from behind the counter. "You know what? I'm pretty Goddamn sick of men thinking they decide what I can, and can't do today. Fact of the matter is, I don't have to do a Goddamn thing when it comes to you. This is my home, and I don't want you here. _Now fuck off_ , for good!"

"Not until we talk-"

"We have nothing to talk about… _now get the fuck out_ …"

My fists clench at my side. That buzzing I get when I'm enraged begins to strum through me, with everything starting to feel surreal. I barely even see Eric standing there, as my vision begins to take a red tint. It's time to make myself clear.

"Besides…don't you have somewhere to be? Don't want to keep whatever cum dumpster you have on your lineup waiting…I'm sure she has many other losers after you to attend to…you should respect her schedule out of professional courtesy," I seethe.

Looking like I just stabbed him, he starts towards me. "Jade…" he utters lowly. As Eric gets closer, I pick up the now empty whiskey bottle, hurling it with all my might. It shatters as it hits the wall behind him, raining glass all over the floor.

" _Don't you fucking touch me, you asshole_!" I hiss. He shakes his head in determination. "Calm the fuck down and listen to me," he demands, reaching for me. I throw a glass, this time hitting him bullseye. It bounces off his muscular chest and shatters on the floor. "I said, don't fucking touch me. Just leave me alone," I warn him again, desperately trying to keep the tears from my eyes.

Eric again ignores my warning, striding towards me. I throw anything and everything within my reach. He ducks every object chucked at him, grabbing my waist. "I didn't fuck her, Jade. You don't know what you saw..." In that moment, something in me just snaps. I no longer feel as if my body were my own. Kneeing him right in the groin, Eric doubles over. Before I know it, I land a punch on his jaw that topples him to his knees.

 _Stop_ , I scream at myself internally. _You're out of control_ ….

Eric takes advantage of my hesitation. He leaps to his feet, grabbing me again. As he lifts me clear off the ground, I elbow him right in the face. He doesn't release me.

"I didn't fuck her-"

"I didn't ask you if you did, and I don't care either! Who you fuck is your business and I'm not trying to make it mine!" I snarl. I keep squirming, but he's holding fast.

"Oh, you don't care? What are you so pissed about then? Why are you about to cry right now? Why wouldn't it be your business?"

I will myself to be quiet, but my anger is too strong.

Finally wrenching free, I shove against him with all my might. "It's not my business because you aren't mine…and obviously never were. Besides what possible explanation do you think you could fabricate, that I'd be stupid enough to believe? Let me guess…" I take a step closer, narrowing my eyes.

"You going to tell me that it was just to get back at me for breaking up with you, and it didn't mean anything? Some warped sense of showing me what I'm missing?"

Eric says nothing, his face kept in a stone-like mask as my features twist in a withering sneer. "I'm sure it's not the first time you've fucked someone else since you started fucking me, and it certainly won't be the last, so why should I give a fuck? You're going to do whatever you want regardless of who gets hurt, so whatever! Do your thing, Eric! I'm not going to stop you! We both got what we wanted, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the end of it!" I scream desperately.

Eric remains silent, though his chest begins to heave. Forcing myself to calm down, I take several deep breaths before continuing. Lowering my voice, I look him up and down in open scorn, deciding not to hold back.

"Besides…do you really think that would work? That I'd actually get jealous, or give a shit about where you get your dick wet? You're forgetting one thing, here Eric. I can have you anytime, anywhere, and any way I want. But now, _I don't want you_. You're just a toy that I have no problem giving away, and if someone else wants to play with you, that's perfectly fine with me. I got what I wanted, and now I'm done…simple as that."

Eric still says nothing, and the silence is almost unbearable. Finally, he licks his lips, his eyes narrowing as his nostrils flare. I try to mentally prepare myself for what I'm sure will be an explosion of temper, but to my surprise…he smiles. A cold, cruel smile that sends chills down my spine. My heart begins to pound, as he takes several slow steps. Towering over me, he leans in close while never breaking eye contact.

"You know what? Think whatever you want to think…you psychotic, stupid, blind bitch."

His deadly calm tone pierces right through me. After a long moment he silently turns, stalking away then slamming the door behind him.

For a few sweet moments, I feel nothing, staring at the door blankly. I run both of my hands over my hair, squeezing my eyes shut. Almost completely numb, I make my way to the bedroom in a daze. Sitting down to take off my shoes, my hands begin to shake. "Stop it," I hiss at myself. Taking a deep breath, I glance up at the mirror above my dresser. I stare at my reflection for a long while, hating what I see staring back.

I watch my face crumple in anguish, as deep, heaving sobs wrack my entire body. Curling into the fetal position, all of my hurt and grief I've buried the past few days come roaring to the surface.

It suddenly feels like the walls are closing in on me. I have to get out of here… I can't breathe. I give myself a few more minutes to let it out, trying to decide what to do. I can't stay here…

Springing to my feet, I practically run out of my apartment. I don't know where I'm going, but I'll figure it out on the train. Angrily wiping my eyes, I decide not to wait for the elevator. The fire escape door bangs open as I leap down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Almost blinded by my grief, I force myself to slow down before breaking my neck.

Finally reaching the bottom, I head for the emergency side door of the compound. Fresh air washes over me as I step into the street. A sense of relief settles over me as I start to make my way down the sidewalk. The hour is late, and the streets are somewhat deserted. Quickly looking around me, I don't see any anyone in combat gear, or pretending not to follow me. Pulling out my phone, I swear under my breath in frustration. The last train of the night has already come and gone, so I'll have to walk to wherever I decide to go.

As I get further and further away from the compound, my mind begins to wander. Being alone in my thoughts with nothing to distract me, I force myself to not ignore what happened just now. Shame and self-loathing come over me, at the fact that I let it get physical…especially when Eric didn't lay a hand on me. I punched him….I threw shit at him…I let him bait me, but _I_ was the one that sank to that level. Another horrifying similarity suddenly blares out at me, making me gasp.

I just did exactly what my father did, that horrible night…I'm no better than he is… _Oh my God_ ….

All of a sudden, headlights loom around the corner. Turning on my heel, my heart begins to beat faster as the sound of an engine nears. Only faction leaders and patrols have access to vehicles. I know it's Eric before I even see him.

The headlights grow larger as the tires squeal. As soon as the car comes to a screeching halt, Eric leaps out of it. My anger and confusion grow as he storms toward me, his expression a mixture of anguish, desperation, and rage.

" _Where the fuck do you think you're going_?" He roars with such ferocity, I take a step back. " _Where are you going_!" He screams again when I don't answer. Shaking my head, I turn on my heel to walk away when his arm hooks around my waist.

"Let me go!"

"Goddamn it, Jade stop! You have no idea what you're doing right now!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You can't be out here like this…

Finally breaking free, I turn to face him. " _What the fuck is going on! Why are you acting like this_?" I scream in frustration. My eyes grow round, as Eric is barely listening. He's not looking at me, but all around me. One hand is on his gun, and he looks almost…fearful?

Eric opens his mouth, stopping himself just in time. "Just get in the car, now," he orders, grabbing my arm. I wrench myself out of his grasp, shoving him backwards.

"No…not until you tell me what the fuck is going on…"

"Jade, we don't have time for this! Just stop fucking arguing and get your stubborn ass in the car!"

"No! Stop being a fucking pussy and say whatever it is you're so afraid of! I'm not going anywhere with you!"

Eric's eyes whip back to me, shaking his head disbelievingly. "Oh, _I'm_ the one that's a pussy? _I'm_ the one who's scared? When _you're_ the one that runs and hides behind your fucking Mommy when things get a little too real? This has been festering for fucking days, and instead of facing me, you just run away like a petulant child?" His chest begins to rise and fall, his fury radiating around him.

"I guess I could ask you the same thing! What the fuck are you so afraid of? If I didn't know you aren't physically capable of being one, I'd surmise that you are in fact the biggest fucking coward in society!" he roars.

Not capable…what is he talking about?

Utterly confused, all I can do is gape at him while he struggles to get himself in check. "What do you mean… 'not physically capable'…what are you talking about?" I demand lowly, crossing my arms. Eric squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Shit," he mutters, shaking his head. He opens them and reaches for me again.

"Nothing…just get in the car…"

"No! What did you mean by that?

"Get in the fucking car Jade! I have to get you out of here!"

Holding his gaze, I shake my head slowly. "No," I finally whisper. "Not until you tell me why…"

My alarm grows as Eric's features twist in frustration and pain, his internal struggle playing out in his expression. I purse my lips, trying to keep my tears at bay. We're at a stalemate, neither one of us willing to budge an inch. Drawing myself up, I shake my head defiantly. "You know what? It doesn't matter…and what I do is no longer your concern, and probably never really was. Now just let me go." Turning away, I get no more than a few feet when his voice rings out.

"Don't you know how much I wish that were true?"

I stop dead in my tracks. Slowly turning back around, my breath hitches in my throat. Eric's expression is pained, just staring at me for a wild few seconds. He throws his hands in the air, as the dam finally bursts.

"Do you really think I _want_ this? That I _want_ to give a shit about you? That I _want_ to be chasing your psycho ass all over Chicago every time we have a fight? Do you fucking think this is _fun_ for me? Believe me Jade..."

His voice catches as he moves toward me again, but this time I stay put. He pulls me into his arms, and I let him.

"You are the most insufferable, stubborn, crazy, hard-headed bitch I've ever dealt with in my fucking life… and there are times I wish I'd never met you. I wish could just forget about you and not give a shit, but what's done is done! At least I have the balls to face it, instead of running away yet again, like you're doing."

Eric squeezes his eyes shut, like he's in pain. Our hearts pound in unison, neither of us speaking. His moment of raw, honest vulnerability leaves me at a loss for words. "You promised you wouldn't leave…" he whispers. My hands slide up his arms, as tears course down my cheeks unbidden.

"Eric, I wasn't leaving for good…I just needed some air. If anything, I would've thought you'd be relieved I was gone, even if I didn't come back."

His eyes fly open, storming with desire, passion, and something I can't place. He wraps his arms tighter, lifting me off my feet again. "Goddamn it Jade…..what the fuck is wrong with you…what the fuck is it going to take for you to see _that's the last fucking thing I would ever want_!" Eric cries desperately. My arms instinctively wrap around him, as he crushes me to his chest. A sob escapes me, as I bury my face in the side of his neck.

In that instant, all restraint vanishes.

"Fuck," Eric swears, walking me backwards toward the car. As soon as I'm against the door his mouth takes mine ruthlessly, moving over my jaw to devour my throat. I fumble with the door handle, my mouth never leaving his. Once I get it open, Eric lays me down on the backseat, his pupils dilating. He looms over me, big, hard, and determined.

The small, confined space seems to pulsate with the same pounding sense of urgency driving us. We simply can't get close enough. Eric devours my neck, finally freeing me from the constraint of my shorts as I make quick work of his belt and unzip his pants. We collapse back on the plush leather, our long limbs tangled as we desperately try to remove the last barriers of clothing we have.

Once we succeed, Eric winds both hands into either side of my hair. Touching his forehead to mine, he plunges deep into me, as deep as he can get. "I missed you," he whispers, as we begin to move.

My eyes close as my back arches, the sensation of hot, steely velvet impaling me unleashing pleasure unlike I've ever known. Stroking my hands down his sculpted, powerful back, I grip his hard ass to urge him even closer. My nails skim back up the way they came, as I wrap my legs around his waist and move him under me. Gripping the backseat for balance, I lower myself back on to him, my mouth rounding in pleasure.

Eric grips both of my hips, arching against me. He moves my shirt aside to take my breast into his mouth, licking and sucking both nipples as his thrusts become steadily deeper and wilder. I meet him all the way, watching as the windows fog up from our labored breath. A fine sheen of sweat begins to coat our skin, making his tattooed chest slick as I sink my nails into his shoulder.

He mutters something thick and guttural as he sits up, roughly caressing the length of my back before flipping me under him. Weaving his fingers in my hair, he pulls my head back as he slams into my core, hammering into me with everything he has. He surges into me again and again, as I claw at his back. Our mouths tangle wildly, my hips writhing underneath him.

My body makes the familiar climb. Only a few seconds pass before I begin to convulse with spasms so intense I scream. Eric isn't even a second behind me, rearing back as his body seizes, then spilling everything he has into me.

We collapse on the seat together, not moving. As we begin to come down, I stroke the back of his head as he brushes his lips against my throat. The sweet sense of temporary reconciliation blankets the air, and we bask in it for a few seconds. Finally, Eric picks his head up, stroking the side of my face.

"We need to go," he whispers, kissing my forehead. He looks prepared for me to argue, but I just nod.

Little does he know…I'm utterly incapable of refusing him anything right now.

* * *

As soon as Eric pulls the car into the Dauntless garage, he swiftly gets out and makes his way to my side. I step out of the car, Eric immediately taking my hand and leading me to a hidden tunnel. Once the laser scans his eye, the door falls back and we step through it. "Where are we going?" I ask quietly, not looking for a fight and not in the mood to argue. Eric doesn't answer me right away, then stops before another wall with a panel. He types in a code, and the hidden elevator doors swing open.

Once we step on, Eric takes a deep breath, pulling me into his arms. He touches his forehead to mine, and I kiss under his jaw. "Eric? Where are we going?" I repeat softly. Eric pulls back, searching my face. "Home," he whispers. He leans past me pushing the button for his floor. His mouth swoops down on mine, pushing me back into the wall paneling.

As our mouths connect and our passion takes flight, I feel a deep, hard pull in my heart. I'm alarmed of the intensity he makes me feel, I'm overwhelmed being in this moment with him, and most of all...I know I'm completely, utterly fucked.

He's as much a part of me, as I am of him.

Reluctantly breaking away as the elevator stops on his floor, we hurry to his penthouse. Once the door opens, Eric sweeps me off my feet. Knotting my hands in his hair to bring him closer, I wrap my long legs around him. He hoists me higher, our mouths clashing with such passion, I feel light-headed. It's like we're afraid of what will happen if we let each other go. Eric strides toward the bedroom, and we're both stripped again in seconds.

Time stops. The outside world ceases to exist. There's nothing in this moment except the two of us, all pretenses forcefully stripped away. As we begin to express ourselves with each other the only way we know how, the nature of Eric's touch changes. Instead of hot, hard, and fast, he takes his time, laving attention with his tongue. He eases over so that he's above me, kissing every inch of my face and throat. He moves his mouth in a hot, wet trail down the valley between my breasts, cupping them gently in his large, warm hands.

My back arches and my mouth rounds in pleasure. My nipples are glistening wet as he takes his mouth from them, continuing over my stomach and abdomen as he reaches his destination. Winding my hands in his hair, I gasp as his fingers graze and tease my entrance. My lips part on a sigh of pure pleasure, as his mouth replaces his hand.

A bolt of raw lust shoots through me, as the tip of his tongue tentatively flicks over my swollen nub. He nudges my thighs further apart, settling between them. "Ohhh…" I gasp, as he plunges into me fully. My hips writhe beneath him as he brings all his skill to bear, lifting me higher and higher, finally driving me to a completion so intense I scream his name again.

Even then he stays put, refusing to let me come down even a little. My second release comes within mere moments of my first, leaving me with tears of relief seeping from the corners of my eyes.

Eric moves back up my body, savoring every inch of me along his way. His mouth takes mine with hungry demand as he sinks over me, his large hands caressing my thighs as he wraps them around his waist. "God, I missed that," he murmurs. I arch against him as he traces a line of fire down my throat, a strong, rhythmic clenching in my belly beginning to throb.

He lines himself up with my entrance, then slowly slides into me. We become lost in unbridled passion, and for once, I let myself not think so much. That sense of fire and urgency builds again, as I wrap my legs around him, not wanting this to ever end. Finally, after what seems like a delicious eternity, he thrusts into me with a savage power that shatters us both.

Eric peels the covers back, slipping us under them. He entwines his fingers over mine, breathing deeply into my hair. Planting soft kisses on my neck, he shifts so that he's over me. As I look up at him with hazy eyes, he strokes the side of my face. He leans in, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I've told you all along that you were mine…but what I should've realized I _never_ told you, is that I'm _yours_. There's no one else I need or want… _and there hasn't been_. I didn't betray you. Believe me or not, that's all I can, and will say about it."

The sincerity of his words takes my breath away. An unexpected wind of relief blows through me at a simple truth; even though I have every reason not to, and my head is screaming at me to be sensible… I believe him.

With our gazes locked in the moonlight, I take a deep, shaky breath. Touching my lips to his gently, I give a small nod. "Okay," I whisper. Eric searches my face, inhaling sharply.  He brings his mouth to mine tenderly, the reverence of his touch stealing my breath.

Once we settle down for good, I begin to drift off to the first real sleep I've had in days. A smile pulls at my mouth, relishing in his complete possession of me, and mine of him, soothing my soul and ravaged heart. Tucking my hand under my pillow, I feel my last line of defense crumble. Eric has me body and soul, whether I want him to or not.

I am _so_ fucked.


	32. Leap of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know it's been a while since I updated, and I apologize...life's been a little busy :) Since it took me long AF to update, this chapter is long AF to make up for the delay. Only about 2 chapters left until the end...then it's on to Dangerous Liaisons Volume 2.
> 
> In this chapter, wedding bells ring in Dauntless, and Eric and Jade meet a major milestone, albeit unknown to each other. It has a few fun little head canons of how I think a Dauntless wedding would be...strictly my imagination :) Warnings are the usual; profanity and smut...but the smut is a little different this time. Jade finally allows Eric to boldy go where only one man before him has went...read at your own discretion. Enjoy!
> 
> \- Emmy

* * *

**ERIC**

"Jesus, did we really have to spend all that time arguing about something so fucking stupid," Logan mutters as they board the train.

"Or could the Amity be any bigger pussies than they are already? Shit was a waste of time," Eric agrees, shaking his head. The last bit of rain splatters against the car as it rolls through the now empty city. The guys lean back against the wall, anxious to get back to the compound. They've been at the Hub all day since morning, meeting with the other councils to redesign some inner security workings.

The factionless woman they captured that day, proved to be most useful. Eric was skeptical at first, but her intel has been valuable. Besides another stash house being discovered and several attacks thwarted, she was able to provide something much more crucial.

The factionless are planning to bomb several key events in society. Being that the Founder's Ball is a few days away, security within the venue has to be heightened to the max. It was determined that undercover Dauntless as well as uniformed Dauntless would guard the building, once known as the Four Seasons, and install cameras in the ballroom. All faces will be scanned and ran through each faction registry. Any person not matched to their facial recognition feature would be immediately apprehended and detained for questioning.

The same will need to be implemented for Choosing Day. Their mole had attended a meeting with a factionless commander, whom had mapped out the whole scheme. Their plan is to infiltrate the ceremony, blending in with the other faction families. Traitors on the inside are aiding them, putting their aliases on the choosing registry. They're banking on the fact that not many will recognize them, and plan to join the factions as spies.

The only faction not known to have a collaborator is Candor. It makes sense…there's no way they'd pass the truth serum test, and the Candor eye is too trained to deception. The biggest threat so far is Abnegation. Eric scoffs at the thought. Probably not something they'd have to worry about in Dauntless…with the exception of Four, a Stiff hasn't chosen Dauntless in years. Even if they did, Eric would be immediately on to their plan.

Truth be told, he'd enjoy torturing a stiff during initiation…though it probably won't happen. His expression hardens as another thought crosses his mind. God help anyone that tries to infiltrate Dauntless with the intent of getting at Jade. There's a known traitor in Dauntless already, and Eric won't rest until he flushes this motherfucker out. Part of him hopes it happens during training.

He'd derive great amusement out of torturing and killing whoever is not on his team….an added bonus is the example he'd set for anyone else with ideas about double crossing him. Eric will not hesitate to erase anyone that comes at Jade with intent of harm, and he'd especially enjoy making any potential traitors watch helplessly.

Eric pulls a cigarette from his jacket, resolving to take a break from his hypervigilance. At least he's already one step ahead, and Initiation is still a few months away.

"…it's not my fault...I told her specifically not to come out there," Jason is arguing, as Eric tunes in to their conversation.

Jason forces a nonchalant shrug, his expression tense. "Look…she'll get over it eventually. She always does. I'm giving her some time to cool off…this little charade of her moving out is just to get me to chase her. Samantha knows I love her…if anything, she should be grateful I'm doing it now instead of later."

Brady raises his brow. "She should be 'grateful'? Why should she be 'grateful' that you fuck around?" he asks slowly. Eric can't help but chuckle in amusement, shaking his head in disbelief. _This_ he has to hear. Jason is his friend, but it's no wonder he didn't get Erudite as his result in the aptitude test.

Jason exhales, pulling his cigarette from his mouth. "Because if I do it now, I won't need to do it when we get married. Listen, I know I sound like an asshole, but it's the truth. Better to get it all out of my system now. We're not married yet…it's not cheating."

"Okay, and is it the same for her?" Logan asks.

"What do you mean?"

"If she got some outside dick, would you have a problem with that?"

"She wouldn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know everything she does, and she wouldn't."

"Okay…hypothetical situation. Say she did go out and fuck someone else…would it bother you?" Brady asks. Jason shifts uncomfortably, not liking where this is going. "If it was a one-time thing, I'd be pissed, but I wouldn't give her shit about it. As long as it isn't ongoing, there's really no harm. I never bang anyone that's not a Reserve more than twice…my personal policy," he answers slowly. Eric and Logan glance at each other, then back to Jason.

"You wouldn't care if Samantha fucked someone else, just as long as she didn't fuck him _again_? The same goes for any other guy she decides to bang, however many there might be? Are you serious?" Eric mutters, staring in open wonder. Just the mere _thought_ of Jade in bed with Ayden, was enough for Eric to arrange his death.

Jason sighs, rolling his eyes. " _Of course_ I would care, but I wouldn't worry, as long as it's me she comes home to at the end of the day. I can't get mad at her for something I've done thousands of times," he defends.

"Why do you do it at all?"

"Because I don't want to look back twenty years from now, realizing how much I missed out. I'm only 21, but youth means nothing in Dauntless. We do dangerous shit that could get us killed. I want to live my life to the fullest, with no regrets. I don't want to put effort into a woman that might not be worth it…but Samantha is worth it in the long run, and despite how I sound, I do love her. I'm going to marry Samantha soon, and that'll be that. But until our names are tattooed on each other, there's really no rules being broken."

Logan shakes his head. "You really think Samantha is going to marry you? I hate to say it man…." He glances at the others before continuing. "I don't think her moving out was to get you to chase her. I think it was her breaking up with you."

"No…it wasn't. Even if she did, I wouldn't let her just leave. She'll come back…she always does."

Jason doesn't sound so convinced, and neither is anyone else. A pensive expression crosses over him as he gets quiet. The others exchange looks, all thinking the same thing. Jason may not want to accept it, but Samantha is gone… it was only a matter of time before Jason's philandering ways caught up with him.

"Where did she go, anyway?" Brady asks. Sebastian looks up. "She moved in with Rachel for the time being. Been there since the night of the party." Jason turns to him in surprise.

"How do you know that?"

"I read Rachel's texts. Samantha is staying there until housing gets a unit ready for her."

"You and Rachel get your shit straight?"

"Not exactly."

  
"Then how are you getting her phone?"

Sebastian grips the bar as the train jolts slightly. "I have my ways," he mutters, glancing at Eric. "I've been going through her phone history to find out exactly what the fuck is going on… not really having any luck." Eric nods, lighting his cigarette.

"Figure out who snaked you yet?"

Sebastian shakes his head, clenching his jaw. "That's the thing…I'm starting to think _no one_ did."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm starting to think this 'other guy' doesn't really exist."

They all collectively raise their brows, waiting on his explanation. Sebastian tips his jaw at Eric. "Let me ask you something…how many times would you say you text or call Jade in a day? Even though she's with you all the time you aren't working?" Eric mentally calculates for a moment. "I don't know…three or four give or take? Why?"

Sebastian sighs in frustration, running a hand over his head. "I went through Rachel's phone data from top to bottom, going back as far as when she and I were still seeing each other. I ran every faction code I didn't recognize, but not one of them come back to some guy. They all come back to either Jade, Samantha, Leah, work, or _me_. If there's someone else, I find it a little strange there's no record of him texting or calling." Eric nods thoughtfully.

"That _is_ strange…unless she's deleting them…"

"She's not. I recovered the deleted data, and still no sign of whoever this is. Besides…why would she delete them? There's no reason to…she thinks we're over and doesn't know I can get into her phone. She'd have no cause to hide anything."

Logan knits his brows together. "Just out of curiosity…did she ever actually _say_ there was someone else?" Sebastian cocks his head to the side, not fully understanding. "I asked her point blank and she didn't deny it. I kind of lost my shit after that…" Logan and Eric exchange glances.

"She didn't deny there was someone else, but didn't confirm it either?" Eric asks.

"Well, no, but why wouldn't she tell me the truth, especially when she saw how pissed I was?"

"Because you lost your shit and probably said something you didn't mean."

Sebastian's eyes whip to Eric's, as it starts to dawn on him. Eric nods knowingly. "Here's what happened, from my vantage point. Rachel's pissed off and upset, thinking you fucked that slut after you left her that night. She then decides to ghost you, thinking you don't really give a shit if she does or not. You finally get a hold of her and assume there's someone else…but you don't wait for an actual answer. She doesn't say anything, thinking this is what will end it for good. You're so pissed, you don't even realize she never confirmed there's another guy. Let me guess…you verbally annihilated her?" Eric explains. Sebastian closes his eyes, a sense of regret stretching his features.

"I told her thanks for the free pussy, though I'd had better anyway. I don't really remember what else, but it was along those same lines. She tried not to cry and didn't really say anything. I said some other shit that was worse, then I left…fuck…"

They all nod. "So now she's just going to let you think there's someone else, and eventually there really will be. She figures by the time that happens you won't give a shit anyway, and that'll be that," Eric surmises. Sebastian yanks a cigarette from his jacket, clenching his jaw as he lights it.

"I still don't know how this got so fucked up in the first place. She wouldn't even hear me out…she just assumed…never even gave me an explanation or gave me a chance to fix it. She's even going as far as to make up some other guy that doesn't exist…." He grits out as he exhales. Eric shrugs, deciding to voice the obvious.

"Rachel's in love with you and doesn't want to be. She's going to keep ghosting you and wait this out, until you finally give up on her. Question is, are you going to let her?"

Sebastian stares at him for a long time, a silent understanding between them. He hears exactly what Eric is saying, without saying it. "No," he vows. He leans back against the train wall, exhaling slowly. "This isn't over… I'm not going to play this bullshit game with her either. I'm going to work this out with her one way or the other, whether she's willing or not." He runs a hand over his head with a determined look. None of them give him any shit, knowing that there's not a one of them standing here that wouldn't do the same. Eric doesn't know how many times he can tell Sebastian to handle his shit, before this goes any farther down the hole.

Especially since Sebastian is every bit as in love with Rachel, as she is with him…though Eric doesn't need to tell anyone that.

The rest of the ride back to Dauntless is silent, each of them lost in thought of their respective situations. Eric realizes he was speaking from experience. Rachel and Jade are best friends for a reason, and this is exactly what Jade would do…and has done. Eric never gave up on her, and now he has her for good…with no intention of ever letting her go.

Eric gazes blankly out at the rolling scenery, briefly closing his eyes. His mind wanders back to the other night, where he himself was finally forced to face what he's known all along on some level, but never wanted to admit. When he stormed out of Jade's apartment after their fight, he'd resolved to let that be it. He's tired of being on this merry-go-round, sick of this shit.

 _Women are disposable, especially in Dauntless. Just let her go_ , he'd told himself. They're never going to stop playing this game, and he's done. He is _not_ that guy. He is not that guy that's ruled by emotions. He is not that guy that lets women get the best of him, that make him explain himself and actually give a shit what they think or feel.

Or at least he wasn't…until Jade.

As soon as his phone alarm went off, he'd quickly pulled it from his pocket. Panic raced through him when Jade's faction code was scanned through the emergency exit…Jade was out in the street, completely oblivious to her intended abductors just waiting for a chance like this. His resolve to cut her loose evaporated, gone as quickly as it came.

As he frantically peeled through the streets to find her, he again tried to wrestle this unfamiliar feeling away. He'd tried again to convince himself that just because he cares about Jade, it doesn't mean he loves her. He'd always believed men were easily manipulated by love, and that would never be him…he would never allow it. He would never be so stupid as to give a woman that kind of power over him. He may need, care about, and want Jade, but it doesn't mean he loves her.

But as he realized that fateful night…that's _exactly_ what the fuck it means, as much as he tried to fight it off.

When they had their raw moment of honesty in the street, Eric simply couldn't help himself. Once everything bubbled to the surface, there was no going back. He meant what he said…he'd take it all back if he could. He'd take back this whole revenge plot he set upon, he'd take back the way he approached this whole situation, he'd take back putting Jade on Jeanine's radar, he'd take back ever getting involved with her at all in the first place. What he stopped himself from saying, was perhaps the most important….but he'll never tell her.

Most of all…he'd take back falling in love with her.

As hard as he fought against, denied, and tried to use his Erudite logic to explain it away, there was no more running. As she slept under him that night, he finally admitted defeat. With his arms wrapped around her, there, in the darkest hours of the night, he laid awake…seeing his soul laid bare.

He's in love with her. He's unequivocally, unconditionally, and hopelessly in love with her. His fate is sealed…and always has been, since that first night at Amity. It doesn't matter how badly she pisses him off, annoys him, hurts him, or panics him…he will still love her, as much as he doesn't want to. Jade will always be it for him, that component that's been missing to make him and his future in Dauntless complete, and there's not a fucking thing he can do about it.

But he also has to face facts.

Jade could never, ever possibly love him the way he loves her…not after everything he's done. Being honest with himself, he's not sorry for any of it; he's only sorry that it fucked things up for them now. If he'd known this was going to happen, that he was going to be so stupid as to fall in love with the one crazy bitch that is literally not capable of being subject to his greatest strength, he'd have been more strategic in his methods. He would've covered his tracks, taking a completely different approach.

But none of that matters…what's done is done. He has her now, and he'll hold on to her with everything he has.

Eric snaps out of his reverie, as the train rolls into Dauntless. After going through the scanner, Eric, Sebastian, Jason, Logan, and Brady all make their way through the tunnel. "Looks like some shit is about to go down," Logan muses, the others glancing at him. Today has been a long one, and the last thing any of them want to do is think about work. They know they need to be prepared, but right now they just want to shake the day off and let loose a little.

After checking the rifles into the armory, they head to the Pit. Grabbing a beer, they all sit down on the carved-out rocks. "This fucking bullshit took up the whole day," Sebastian grumbles, taking a swig of beer. Eric lights up his cigarette, nodding silently.

He's thoroughly pissed off this took him away from Jade all…fucking…day, and now into the night. He wanted nothing more than to keep her in bed, but duty called. He exhales slowly, glancing at his phone. He's only half listening to the conversation around him, when he hears Jade's name.

"What about Jade?"

"Nothing, I just heard Leah on the phone with her earlier, talking about tonight. Since Ashley and Rob are getting married tomorrow, they're just hanging out and doing whatever bullshit girls do the night before a wedding."

"They're at that place that used to be Harbor Point, near Navy Pier," Eric says as he exhales. Sebastian lights up a cigarette, tipping his chin at Eric. "All of them are out there…including Rachel?" Eric nods. "I would assume so…where one is, the others aren't usually far. They aren't going crazy, because the wedding is tomorrow. Smoking a little weed and chilling."

What Eric doesn't mention, is that he doubled Jade's security for the night. He knew she was going out there, and six Dauntless patrols are five minutes away, and few on top of the building with her…reporting her every move.

Logan puffs his cigarette as he glances around the Pit. "Shit, I'm down…after today, getting baked sounds pretty fucking good." Sebastian nods. "Yeah…Rachel can't avoid me on top of a skyscraper." He glances at his phone, finishing his beer. "Next train is in an hour…let's meet at the yard."

Just as they move to leave, the distinct sound of the council beeps from Eric's phone. "Goddamn it," Eric swears, tossing his cigarette. He hasn't seen Jade all day, and it's really pissing him off on an unreasonable level. This is more bullshit he'll have to deal with before he can get to her. Scowling as he reads the text, his full attention is captured.

_Intel received, urgent. Underground holding room, two factionless in custody. Attempted breach._

Eric jerks his head up. "You guys go without me…I'll meet you out there." The guys nod and stand, as Eric stalks his way to the elevator. He mashes the button for the underground layer, his heart beginning to pound. Jeanine certainly didn't hire the brightest of the factionless to do her dirty work. As determined as she is to get to Jade under the guise of a "factionless" abduction, she certainly didn't think this through or plan it very well. The same thought echoes over and over in his mind, convincing him a little more each time.

He should go to Erudite, put a bullet in that cunt's throat, and just be done.

* * *

**JADE**

" _Did…fucking…not…."_

I desperately try to bite back my smile, failing miserably. Rachel shakes her head, a wide grin stretching her face. " _You are such a fucking liar_! I don't know if you know this, but there're actual witnesses…"

"Who!" I demand, feeling my face turn red. Samantha, Leah, Ashley and a few others watch our mock heated exchange with their mouths hanging open. Rachel takes a hit of the bong, pointing it in my direction.

" _Me_ , bitch! Here I am, minding my own business, just looking for the bathroom, when the strangest noise was coming out of the top room…."

My face flames, as she barely contains her laughter. "….to where I push the door open, to see Jaxon's naked ass in the air, and _you_ holding the bedrail for dear life. Gotta say, I'm a little surprised. Didn't think he had it in him. Looked like he gave it to you pretty good!" she giggles, as my jaw drops.

"What, did you stay and watch or something? How long were you there?"

"Don't judge me…it was kind of hard to look away…"

Taking a swig from my flash, I shake my head. "Okay fine…but it was only once, and not something I care to think about...especially since he may eventually be my stepbrother," I gasp in laughter, tears welling in my eyes. Ashley turns to me in surprise.

"What do you mean, your stepbrother?"

"I mean my Mom is dating his Dad, and who knows what might happen. It might be a little weird at family dinners, if our parents found out."

We all burst into giggles again as I take another hit from the bong. The sweet lift is a welcoming feel, making me close my eyes and enjoy the summer breeze wash over me.

A huge, bright moon has bathed the city in a beautiful glow since the rain passed earlier, leaving the sky crystal clear. We headed out here with a few others, drinking, smoking, and just having a low-key night. Since Ashley is pregnant and getting married tomorrow, we didn't want to get too crazy. But, tradition calls for one last hurrah with your girls before getting hitched.

As the night had worn on, the girls and I got pretty inebriated and loose-lipped. We've been on the roof of what used to be known as Harbor Point, sharing our stories of growing up Dauntless, recalling some things I'd rather forget. Though Ashley is an Amity transfer, she has many salacious stories to our surprise and delight.

"Shit…I might just sleep out here tonight. I don't want to move," I murmur, Leah quirking her brow as I pass her the bong. "Yeah, but you know Eric will lose his shit if you don't go home." She yawns, looking at her phone with a frown.

"I texted Brady a while ago, but he hasn't responded…."

"He probably hasn't had a chance. They just got back from the Hub not long ago."

"Just got back? It's really late…"

Shrugging, I take a sip from my flask. "Eric texted me when he got back, but said he got delayed with the council." Leah purses her lips in surprise.

"What's going on?"  
"Don't know, and he can't tell me."

"Is he going to come out here?" Rachel asks.

"Don't know…didn't invite him."

"Why not?"

"Because tonight is for Ashley, and its Dauntless tradition to spend the night before your wedding with your girls."

I take another drag, exhaling slowly. "Besides…I'll be Goddamned if I become of those chicks that gets a boyfriend and shoves her friends to the side. I don't know what I would do without you bitches to keep me in line," I laugh, giving them a grateful smile. Leah rolls her eyes sarcastically, chuckling to herself.

"Dealing with your psycho ass is absolutely a full-time job, but one I'm glad to have," she agrees. As I look at my friends, a sudden rush of emotion comes over me. Getting serious for a moment, I gaze at them somberly.

"Really…on a serious note, thank you for everything. I know being my friend can be difficult, and my bullshit has affected your lives more than once this past year, but you never gave up on me. It's rare to find true friends, and I love you guys."

They all glance at each other in surprise. Tears prick the corners of my eyes, not used to expressing myself so freely. Ashley smiles, rubbing her baby bump.

"You're not getting all Amity on us are you?" she teases.

"No…just seeing things in perspective for once."

"Yeah, well…certain situations can bring that out in you. I get it."

She gives me a soft smile as I feel my cheeks redden. My friends exchange knowing glances, and I can practically read their minds. I know there's been a significant, visible change in me these past few days that I won't even try to deny or explain away. But before we can delve any deeper, my phone beeps with a text. Smiling as I see Eric's code identifier, I open his message.

"You guys mind if I cut out a bit early? The train is coming through soon," I say, snapping my phone closed. Ashley shakes her head, smirking as she leans back in her chair. "Uh-oh…looks like someone just got summoned," she teases, as I purse my lips.

"I did not…Eric just got finished with the council and isn't coming out here. With all the shit going on in the city, he's a little on edge about us being far from the compound."

"Why? We're Dauntless…we'd be the ones that would be called to handle shit if it got loose..." Leah remarks.

Shrugging, I take another sip from the flask. "I don't know what the fuck he's worried about…half of the Dauntless patrol guards are up here tonight." Frowning, I look around me, realizing something I didn't before. There're a lot of Dauntless up here….while it is a common spot for us to hang out sometimes, there're more than usual ….and they're carrying their rifles.

While it's common for Dauntless to carry hand firearms out in the city, it's a little strange they'd be here in full combat gear with tactical weapons…. I shake those thoughts away, deciding not to go too into it. They probably just got off shift from the patrol, and that's all.

Samantha tosses back the rest of her drink, nodding toward me. "I'll go with you…I've got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow and need to get some sleep." She stands up, preparing to leave. "I forgot to tell you…I'm still going to help with the setting everything up, but I won't be able to do breakfast."

"Why not?" Leah asks. Samantha gives a sad smile, taking a deep breath. "I have to be at the housing office tomorrow morning…they have a new unit ready for me, and I have to get the palm reader fitted to my hand." A silence falls over us, not quite knowing what to say. In an effort to lighten the mood, Samantha brushes Rachel's shoulder.

"I'm finally getting out of your hair…and your bathroom is yours again," she laughs.

"Shut up…you know you can stay as long as you want," Rachel says firmly. Samantha looks down, exhaling slowly.

"I know and I love you for it, but it's time to get my life together…and I need to go full speed in doing it."

Nodding, we all understand what she means. She loves Jason, but she knows it's over and doesn't want to dwell in her broken heart any longer. I'm actually a little jealous. Samantha is a lot stronger than I ever was, and she's handling this like a champ.

Leah exhales, a puff of smoke circling her. "Well shit…maybe we should all go. It's late and I need to get some sleep, but I'm feeling a little randy…but Brady's probably sleeping. Maybe I'll wake him up when I get back, if you know what I mean," she says saucily, and we all giggle. I poke her in the shoulder, raising my brow suggestively. "Shit, you could've just banged one out with him in one of the rooms downstairs…we did it all the time when we threw parties. You should've just invited him out here," I tease.

"Yeah, you should've, I don't know why you didn't," Brady's voice suddenly booms.

Startled, we turn around to see Brady, Jason, Sebastian, and a few other guys walk up. Brady smiles at Leah, and she returns it. "Well, you found us anyway," she giggles as he pulls her into his arms.

I hear Samantha inhale sharply. Looking up, I follow her line of vision to see Jason's gaze locked on her. Looking as though he's working up the courage, he starts to walk toward us. My eyes narrow almost to slits, an instant protective feeling coming over me.

The absolute balls on this motherfucker to show his face here right now…

"Hey," he greets timidly, though we offer not one word in response. To my amusement, I notice a bruise on his jaw, and what looks like scratch marks on his cheek. My eyes narrow as I smirk in satisfaction.

Samantha went easy on him...she should've cut his balls off for what she walked into that night.

"Jade…can Samantha and I have a minute?" he directs his question to me, but his eyes are locked on her. I jut my chin. "That's up to Samantha…and we were just leaving," I snap back, crossing my arms. I raise my brow in challenge, as he looks like he's about to say something then remembers himself. Part of me is disappointed he doesn't pop off.

I would love a reason to flatten his sorry ass, other than hurting my best friend.

I glance at Samantha. Her eyes have filled with tears again, her chest heaving as she turns away. She purposely avoids Jason's eye, and I know it's because she's afraid she'll give in. Looking him up and down with a sneer of disgust, I turn to her. This is none of my business, and she needs to be the one to decide to walk away.

"I tell you what…I'll make my way down, and just text me if you're going to stay." Samantha shakes her head, looking at me squarely. "No, I'm coming with you." Jason's furious glare burns into our backs as we turn on our heels to leave. My eye catches Leah, and I gesture that we're leaving. She nods, gesturing to Brady. I know he'll get her home safe, so I don't wait for her to join.

"Sam, Jade…wait up…"

Though Samantha doesn't, I turn to see Rachel slamming the rest of her beer. She tosses it in a nearby trash can, making her way toward us. She stares straight ahead, blatantly ignoring Sebastian's attempt to catch her eye. "I'm coming too," she declares, without so much as a glance in his direction.

My eyes can't help but shift between Sebastian and Rachel, amused at her obvious snub, and even more amused at how much it's pissing him off. Sebastian's hands clench at his sides, his eyes narrowing in frustration. He says something to Logan, then takes a step in our direction. Logan steps in front of him, and from what I can see, says 'don't make it worse'.

Rachel catches up to us, linking her arm with Samantha's. I glance at the two of them, exhaling loudly. They both look to be on the verge of tears, desperately putting on a brave face. The door slams behind us as we make our way to the stairwell. "Look…if you guys want to go handle your business, I'm not going to give you any shit about it…I'm the last person that could ever judge," I say to them gently, as we begin to our descent.

They glance at each other, both silently in agreement to not fold. "No…I've looked the other way a million times before, and each time I've sworn it would be the last. That's a promise to myself I'm finally going to keep," Samantha grits out, taking the stairs two at a time.

Rachel nods in determination, setting the same pace as Samantha. "Agreed…and I absolutely fucking refuse to let myself be affected by an asshole that doesn't give a shit about me. He came here just to piss me off, and I'm not going to waste my time with his immature bullshit," she snarls, almost tripping on the step.

I struggle to keep up with them, both fueled by their anger and heartbreak. "Okay," I concede, seeing this is not the time to bring it up. I don't bother with small talk as we get near the ground, knowing each of them need a minute to collect themselves.

As we leave the building and head toward the train tracks, we walk in silence. I'm at a loss on how to handle this, because it's usually me in their position. I can't help but laugh at the irony of the situation.

How the fuck did _I_ , the one in the most fucked up, tumultuous relationship out of everyone in my group of friends, become the one on solid ground?

Before I get the chance to ponder on the insanity any further, the ground starts to rumble. The three of us take off in a jog, the train's headlight becoming wider. We pull ourselves into the train as it passes, still silent. Samantha sits on the edge, staring blankly at the passing city. Rachel and I sit on either side, still not certain what to say or do. We roll through for a few minutes when Samantha finally breaks.

"Goddamn it," she hisses under her breath. A low, guttural cry escapes her as she puts her face in her hands. Alarmed, Rachel and I glance at each other before I put my hand on her arm. "Sam…" I start to say when she finally looks up, her eyes filled with angry tears.

"I kept telling myself that it would stop once we got married, but I was just being stupid. I can't do it anymore," she cries, her voice cracking with grief. Rachel and I immediately each take her hand, letting her get it out. Samantha shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I just can't fucking do it. I can't pretend that I'm a fucking idiot, believing every lie he tells me about what he's doing when I'm on shift, or when he's having a 'boys night'. Whenever I see a new baby born in Dauntless that's Jason's spitting image, I can't pretend not to notice, or do the math…Jason and I have been together for years. While I loved him, he certainly never gave a shit about me…"

I rub my thumb over her knuckles. "This isn't your fault, Sam. Jason's a fucking asshole. Always has been, always will be…some men grow out of it, and some don't. You're not an idiot for hoping someone you love will eventually grow up and treat you the way you deserve. But you know something?" Samantha turns to me as I continue.

"By knowing that you deserve better, and not putting up with this shit any longer, you are finally turning back into the badass Dauntless bitch I've known and loved since we were toddlers. She might've been lost for a while, but she's coming back. I've missed the fuck out her…and I'm proud of you." I turn to Rachel, giving a small smile.

"That goes for you too."

Rachel just gives a sad smile, looking down at her lap. I know from experience there's nothing I can really say or do to make them feel better right now, so I don't press the issue. Shrugging, I gaze at the twinkling lights of Chicago.

My personal stance is that romance is way overrated.

* * *

After we go through the scanner, we say our goodbyes and I head for the elevator. My nerves begin to tingle, as the car carries me upwards to Eric's penthouse. "Get it together," I mutter.

It's been a few days since our little confrontation, the night that changed everything. He's been extremely busy with the council all of a sudden, things he can't talk about. We haven't had much time for each other lately, though no fault of our own. Though we've of course been intimate when we've seen each other, there's still a bit of awkwardness if only on my part. I've been trying to come to terms with our relationship, and come to realize what I didn't understand before.

Or rather, what I've known all along, but didn't want to admit.

Ever since we embarked upon our affair, my life has been twisted upside down and inside out. I've become someone I don't recognize. The Jade Crawford that I've been before Eric, would never… _ever_ …have reacted the way the way I did to thought of him being with someone else. I've always believed that love wasn't real. I've always believed the concept of love was a psychological mind fuck. I didn't believe that two human beings could be devoted to only each other, defying human nature as a whole. But, as usual, I had to find out the hard way.

I tried to deny that the thought of Eric with another woman didn't hurt me, but it did. I'd tried to convince myself that it was a knee-jerk reaction, I responded in the heat of the moment, when tension was running high. But that night, I just couldn't do it anymore…I can't keep turning a blind eye to what the truth really is, no matter how much I wish it weren't.

I'm in love with Eric…and that's the first time I can say that and actually mean it.

What I finally see, is the huge difference in loving someone and being in love. I did love Ayden, but I can't honestly say I was in love. I'll never fully get over the guilt of hurting Ayden the way I did, but I know now that it would've been worse if Id stayed with him out some sense of obligation. That's not love…and its not fair to Ayden.

I can't give Ayden my heart, because I already gave it to Eric a long time ago. I can't even pinpoint the exact moment it happened…all I know is that it did.

But I also have to be realistic.

Men like Eric don't love...they keep. Men like Eric will always be married to their positions as leaders first, and love has no room in their lives. Eric may need me for political gain and faction obligations, but that's where it ends. He's rooted in Erudite, not Amity. His Erudite mind simply calculated that I'm the most logical choice. I'm not an idiot, and I know that love is just not a part of him.

Nor would I ever manipulate him by telling him how I feel, or expecting him to pretend to love me when I know he doesn't.

Eric may keep me for the time being, but he won't ever truly _love_ me. He'll eventually move on and break my heart, as all men such as him do. But as crazy as it sounds…I don't care.

I don't want to do this anymore…I don't want to keep running from something I'll never really escape anyway. Though this will no doubt be a disaster and eventually leave me with a broken heart, I won't know unless I give it a chance…a real chance, and not subconsciously look for a way to sabotage my own life. It doesn't matter that he couldn't possibly love me as deeply as I love him. I want to be happy… and Eric is what I want, for as long as it lasts.

For my own selfish reasons, I'm going to take this leap of faith for however long it may be, enjoying the ride to it's inevitable end.

The elevator opens, breaking my train of thought as I make my way to the outside palm reader. Once the green light appears, Eric's door unlocks and I step through. His penthouse is dark, with only the kitchen light on over the stove. The faint waft of recent cigarette smoke hits my nostrils as I near the bedroom, making my nose wrinkle. It's one of Eric's habits I could definitely live without. Pushing open the bedroom door, a smile breaks over my face.

Eric is laying on his massive bed, sound asleep. It looks as though he tried to wait up and just couldn't make it. As I strip off my clothes, my eyes can't help themselves from roaming over Eric's muscular form. He's bare-chested, laying on his back with both hands under the pillow. His chiseled chest rises and falls as he breathes deeply, his ab muscles rippling from their efforts. I feel my abdomen clench slightly, as all the blood in my body seems to pool in my lower belly.

In that moment, I decide that bothering with clothes would be a waste of time.

Naked, I silently make my way towards the bed. Trying to make as little noise as possible, I gently and slowly pull the sheet down, exposing the lower half of his impressive physique. He wears only a pair of boxer briefs, the black mesh snug around his muscled thighs. "Mmmm," I can't help but whisper, as the apex of my thighs moistens in anticipation.

My fingers skim the elastic band as I gently tug them down. Eric still doesn't wake. His erection springs from the fabric, igniting a fire inside me. Moving my hair to the side, I grip his cock and begin to stroke.

Eric finally begins to stir with a groan, as my tongue swirls around his sensitive head. He props himself up on his elbows, rubbing sleep from his eyes. His gaze finally locks on mine as he looks down, making me giggle. He starts to sit up, but I push him back down. "Lay down," I command in a seductive whisper. He stares at me for a long moment, starting to comprehend. After licking several wet stripes up and down his length, I take him fully into my mouth, all the way to the base.

"Fuck," I hear him rumble, as I twist my hand in conjunction with the rhythm of my mouth. "mmmm," I whisper in response, the vibrations visibly affecting him. His large hands slowly wind into my hair, urging my head to go faster. Time to show him who's really in control here. I keep my mouth on his dick, reaching up with both hands and pushing them from my hair. I suck for a few more seconds, slowly releasing his cock with a wet pop. He picks his head up to watch me kiss up his abdomen, his chest, his throat, then finally his mouth.

We remain locked in a scorching kiss, until I break it and sit up. Eric watches me through hooded eyes, stroking his swollen cock in anticipation. When he grips my hips to place me on it, I push him back down again. "Not so fast," I growl with a sinful smile. Curiosity brims in his eyes as I nip at his jaw, then turn and get on my knees. Straddling his face, I push my sex down on his mouth, covering his body with mine.

Eric's tongue immediately makes sharp, commanding strokes over my clit, making my eyes close and my mouth open. Lowering my head, I take his cock back into my mouth with the same roughness he's showing. His thick, tattooed arms lock around my waist as we pleasure each other at the same time, neither of us showing the other any mercy.

His balls start to tighten in my hand, his telltale sign that he's close. Swallowing him whole, I rub them between my thumb and forefinger gently. "Ohhh…." I hear him rumble, as I get near my own completion. His hands grab my hips and push me upwards, until I'm back on my knees. He spreads me wider with one hand, while his tongue dives between my folds. "Fuck Eric," I rasp, feeling two fingers now working with his tongue.

It becomes clear this is now a competition, one of which I have every intention of winning. Hollowing out my cheeks, I suck him as hard and fast as I can, feeling my eyes start to water but not caring. We remain in furious battle to make the other come first, knowing we're both mere seconds away.

The evidence of his pleasure skids across my tongue, at the exact same time I feel mine drip down my inner thighs to his cheeks. Panting and spent, we release each other from our mouths and try to catch our breath. Finally finding the will to move, I sit up and turn around slowly. Eric's eyes are closed, his mouth rounded in bliss. Giggling, I cover his body with mine again and bring my mouth to his.

"Best fucking way I've ever been woken up before," he growls after we break for air. He tightens his arms around my waist, his hands skimming up and down my back. I bite kisses along his jaw, one hand stroking the side of his hair. "We aren't done yet…save judgment for the finale," I whisper, reaching down with my other hand to grip his dick firmly. I tease his head over my clit and opening, feeling him instantly harden again. Eric's hands slide down my back to grip my ass, as I sink him into me wholly.

"Mmmm," I moan, closing my eyes as we set our rhythm. My hands push against his chest as I sit up, swiveling my hips and taking him as deep as I can. He snaps harder with every thrust, our familiar sense of fire and urgency building. Before long, my hair is falling in golden waves around my shoulders, our tempo increasing to an almost rabid pace. "Fuck yes…come on Jade," he urges, sitting up and taking my nipple into his mouth.

The sensation is enough to make me dizzy. A hardened look dawns in Eric's eyes, as overpowering lust consumes us both. In that moment, something feels like it's been unlocked inside me, making me want to do something we've never done with each other before…but right now, I want him to do it more than anything.

Without warning, I move up and off him. "What's wrong," he asks in confusion as I reach for his nightstand. I don't answer, just throw a wicked smirk over my shoulder. I grab the small bottle of lube, crawling back towards him. He looks at me in bewilderment, not quite getting it yet. Still on my knees, I lean over to grip the bedrails. Eric squirts some lube in his hand, rubbing his fingers together. He shifts so that he's behind me, gripping my hips. He slams into my core, setting a punishing pace until I push back against his chest. Snaking my hand over his neck, I turn to face him.

"We don't need lube for _that_ , you idiot," I whisper against his jaw.

Eric can't hide his surprise, freezing for a full second as it finally registers what I want him to do. He brings his mouth down on mine hard, sliding his hand down to grip my ass again.

"Are you fucking with me?" he grits out, giving my ass a hard, sharp slap.

"No...it's just taking you a minute to catch up, and you're about to lose the opportunity. But I _do_ want you to slap my ass again like that..."

Giggling, I turn my face back to the head of the bed. Eric has a sharp intake of breath, rapidly squeezing more lube into his palm.

Eric bites kisses along my back, making his way up to between my shoulder blades. He hooks his arm around my waist, bringing me up higher. Trying to catch my breath, I grip the bed rails so hard they're in danger of snapping. Eric's breath is hot on my ear, then his teeth sink into my neck. A tight coil forms in my midsection, as his thick fingers tease my entrance.

"Fuck," I rasp, the anticipation driving me crazy.

His finger begins to stroke my sensitive bundle in a lazy circle, making me see stars behind my closed eyes. As he continues to stroke, his other hand snakes it's way over my stomach, to my breast, then finally to my throat. He turns my chin so that we're facing, his mouth claiming mine. He breaks our kiss after a minute, studying my face for any sign I've changed my mind.

Giving him a small smirk, I simply nod in reassurance I want to do this.

His arm falls from my chin, his fingers trailing down my back. Closing my eyes, I try to calm my nerves. This isn't the first time I've done this, but it's the first time in a long time, and only Ayden has been the one to do it. I'm not certain what to expect.

Eric's fingers continue to stroke my sensitive nub, as his other hand massages the lube. He lines himself up with the area he's been forbidden until now, hesitating for a split second. Unable to restrain himself a moment longer, he pushes in.

"Oh my God," I can't help but exclaim, the initial fleeting pain singing through me. As Eric goes faster and deeper, it's replaced by pure, unadulterated pleasure. "Fuck…Oh…fuuuck…," he stammers incoherently, the tightness sending him to a new level of ecstasy. We remain lost in pure bliss, each getting used to new pleasure. A fine sheen of sweat breaks over our skin, our cries echoing off the walls. I don't know how much time as passed, when Eric abruptly pulls my grip from the bedrail.

Sitting up partially, he props himself on his elbow with one harm, while the other hand holds my hair in a ponytail. I grip his knees for balance, letting him control the pace as I bounce up and down. "Come for me," he orders through clenched teeth. By the desperation in his tone, I know he's not going to last much longer. I move with more force, feeling my body make the familiar climb. With one last hard push, Eric slaps my ass with stinging force. The combination makes me feel a deep snap of my insides. Euphoria overwhelms me as I ride the delicious wave of my release.

I'm still facing away as Eric pulls my body down over his. Kissing my neck, he runs his hands from my wet thighs to my stomach, stopping to cup both of my breasts. He gently massages them, as my arms snake over my head to stroke his hair. We silently stay in this position for a while, not wanting this feeling to ever end. His large hand cups my chin, turning my face to his.

We don't speak for a long time as we come down, giving each other fleeting kisses. With a deep, satisfied sigh, I finally sit up with difficulty. "The fuck you think you're going," Eric rumbles, hooking his arm around my waist to draw me back. Grinning, I pull him up with me.

"I think _we_ are going to take a shower…get your lazy ass up."

Eric raises his brow in amusement, following me into the bathroom. His shower is huge, with floor-to-ceiling marble and a see-through glass door. The length of it alone is almost the same as my entire bathroom. It has a digital panel, controlling the overhead rain/waterfall setting above us, and the three body jets on the side.

Eric programs the rainfall setting as we step in. The warm water feels like heaven after such a strenuous sack session, but I have a feeling we aren't done for the night. _At least I hope not_ , I giggle to myself.

Lathering his body wash into my hand, I massage it into his skin. I take my time, grazing every inch of his thickly muscled frame, with added attention to my favorite parts. Our mouths meet in a slow, sensual kiss as warm, soapy water cascades down our flesh. Eric breaks it and turns me around, picking up my shampoo.

He washes my hair, making my head go back on his shoulder. "That feels _so_ fucking good, I murmur, closing my eyes in pleasure. Eric exhales, planting a kiss on my neck before turning me back around.

"When we move to the new place, I'll do this all the time."

Caught off guard, I'm too surprised to respond. Eric's cold blue eyes cloud in determination, waiting on my reaction. He said it as if it were fact, like we didn't have a huge blowup about this already. I don't want to refuse out of spite…I don't want to refuse for any reason. As much as I don't want to be, I'm in love with Eric and want to see this through to the end. Being stubborn will only delay the inevitable, and it's time I break my pattern.

My hands shake as I take a deep breath, touching my lips to his lightly. Every fiber of my being is tingling with anxiety, as my head and heart immediately go to war with each other. But in light of my personal revelation, it's time to face facts and listen to my heart this time.

Eric brushes a strand of hair from my forehead, searching my face intently. His expression hardens, visibly preparing to strike down any argument I present.

"Let me be clear, Jade…I'm not asking this time. I'm going to do what I should've done when-"

I hastily press my mouth to his, cutting him off. I take both sides of his face in my hands, willing my voice to remain steady. Oh my God, I really can't believe I'm about to do this, but it's now or never.

"Threats aren't necessary, Eric… my answer is yes."

Now he's the one caught off guard. We stay locked in each other's gaze for a long moment, an unfamiliar air between us. A smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, as he walks me back toward the shower wall. He reaches down, hooking his arms around my thighs. "Like I said, not a question…but I like your response," he murmurs, wrapping my legs around his waist. He slides into me once more, and our familiar rhythm begins.

We once again become lost in our own world, shutting everything else out. All the uncertainty, heartache and longing I've felt these past few days evaporate. A sense of relief I haven't felt in a long time overcomes me, as well as a sense of...peace. By the reverence of his touch coupled with the force of his need, I know the feeling is mutual. As we stand entwined under the gentle water, we express this with each other the only way we know how.

Eric buries a hand in my hair, turning my face. "Jade," he growls, surging into me. "I want you here with me _now_ , for good. There's no reason to wait, and I'm not going to." My heart skips a beat as I place my hand on his cheek, my thumb skimming his lips.

"Agreed…" My heart pounds, my voice barely above a breathless whisper.

Surprise registers on both of our faces, neither one of us expecting that. I simply can no longer deny a simple truth; though my anxiety over taking this step is through the roof, and the intensity of what he makes me feel is overwhelming, I want to be here…

I _want_ to be with him.

His eyes search my face, swallowing hard. "Jade…" his voice is a strangled whisper. My heart leaps to my throat, wondering if he'll finally say whatever it is he can't seem to get out.

But he doesn't.

Our passion reaches its' peak, making us explode at the same time. The sheer force is so intense, we sink to the floor in unison. Panting, we remain locked in each other's embrace as we ride out the aftermath. Kissing him lightly, I plant my feet and try to stand. "We better get up before we drown." Eric keeps me in place. With an intense gaze, he hooks his fingers under my chin.

"Jade…I meant what I said, it wasn't just the moment."

"I know you did...and so did I."

I bring my lips to his, smiling against his mouth. He eventually releases me, both standing with difficulty. Eric shuts the water off while I wrap myself in a towel. As I'm drying my hair, Eric wraps his arms around me from behind. He smiles at me in the mirror, nuzzling my neck.

"I'll have your things moved in by the end of the week. You don't have much, so it shouldn't take long."

"What do you mean 'have them moved'? I'll do it myself…"

"Because I can have it done faster, for you."

Turning, I stand on my tiptoe and wrap my arms around his neck. "I don't want people going through my shit…no one but me is going do it," I declare firmly. Eric narrows his eyes, cocking his head to the side.

"What don't you want them to see?"

"Nothing…would you want people going through your shit?

"They wouldn't."

"You don't know that."

"I'm a Dauntless leader, they wouldn't risk it. But that's neither here nor there."

"Well, I'm not on the council so it's a moot point."

Eric touches his forehead to mine. "Maybe not, but you're _mine_ …so they wouldn't dare." I start to protest again, when he silences me with a kiss.

"Jade…it's not a big deal. It'll be done in a day…don't argue just to argue. You have to get used to me handling things sometimes."

"Why is that?"

"Because I take care of what's mine…and _you_ are mine. Besides…."

Eric touches his forehead to mine, his jaw setting in determination. "I meant what I said. There's no reason to wait, and I'm not going to…and I won't let you stall either."

I open my mouth to argue again, when a little voice tells me to pick my battles. Deciding to drop it, I let him lead me back into the bedroom.

Besides…this is one concession I'm happy to make.

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY**

I zip up the back of my dress, inspecting my reflection in the long mirror. "Wow," I murmur in awe.

Leah twirls her finger, motioning for me to turn so she can inspect her handiwork. "Okay good," she sighs as I spin around. "I was worried that yours might not be long enough since your legs stretch up to your neck, but it's just right." She turns to look at Rachel, scrutinizing the hemline. "Here…this needs to be centered." Rachel looks at me wide-eyed, as Leah jerks her dress from behind, then pushes Rachel in front of the mirror. "Perk your tits up a little…the support band is under them." Before Leah can do it herself, Rachel hurriedly complies.

"Well shit, they do look better," Rachel says with a giggle under her breath. Leah has moved on to Samantha, making certain our dresses are perfect. "Just let her go…she's in rare form right now. Her designs will be in full display tonight for the whole faction, and she's a little nervous," I whisper, turning back to the mirror.

Ashley's wedding is going to begin in a few minutes, and we're all a little jittery. We want everything to be perfect for her, and if that means letting Leah microscope every detail, we're going to gladly let her. Staring at myself again, I can't help but be amazed that's me staring back.

A black orchid is tucked behind one ear, with my silvery blonde hair flowing in soft, shiny layers. My tan makes the green color of my eyes pop, accentuated by the light rim of black eyeliner. But the true showstopper, is my gown.

In faction tradition, the bridesmaids wear the color of the Dauntless at the ceremony. Leah of course designed and made it to those specifications, and she truly outdid herself. Our gowns are a beautiful, floor-length iridescent garnet with black lace overlay, with our shoulders bare. The back plunges low, almost to my spine. Onyx-colored beading adorns the hemline, catching the light. I'm used to seeing myself in basic black work clothes, or combat gear…never in a creation as exquisite as this.

"Leah, I'm truly jealous of your talent." I spin around, watching the garnet shimmer.

Leah glances up with an excited smile. "Thanks….I'm just glad we got them all made in time. It was a race against the clock for a second there." She tucks her orchid behind her ear, inspecting her reflection. "You look gorgeous…and I know Brady will be excited to see you coming down the aisle." I grin and giggle when she blushes.

"Oh yeah? Eric is going to see you coming down that same aisle…and after he sees you in that, he might get some ideas of his own," Rachel says with a laugh. My heart jumps. I hadn't thought of that. Waving my hand, I quickly change the subject. "We better get up there, it's almost time!" We each link arms and giggle as we make our way out.

I try to calm the butterflies in my stomach, stepping out to the roof with the others. The girls and I set everything up earlier for the traditional ceremony, and it came out better than we expected. The awning over the ledge is adorned with black orchids and the customary torches are already lit. The torchlight against the setting sun gives a romantic, ethereal feel providing an unusual ambiance in an otherwise gritty place.

Dauntless weddings are always held on the roof of the initiate entrance to the compound. The Dauntless believe that where you began your life in the faction, is where you begin your new life as a married couple. The bride and groom recite their vows, exchange rings, then my favorite part; they embrace each other, then jump off the roof together into the net below.

In Dauntless, you begin your marriage the same way you began your new life on Choosing Day; with courage and a leap of faith.

My eye sweeps the crowd, packed in a sea of tattooed and black-clad bodies. Since Rob and Ashley are on the upper tier of Dauntless hierarchy, it seems all of the faction has showed up. I turn my gaze to what serves as an altar, feeling my breath catch.

Rob's best men have already taken their place with him, standing in the usual row. They're of course wearing all black, with collared shirts instead of jackets. Our men don't dress up, and that's as good as it gets. Eric stands behind Rob, waiting for the ceremony to begin. His short hair is perfectly groomed, and the sharpness of his outfit makes him look even more masculine and rugged. Though Eric hasn't seen me yet, my heart flutters at the sight of him.

Tearing my eyes away, I turn to see Ashley waiting on Kevin's arm behind us. Since non-Dauntless borns typically have no family within the faction, it's customary that another leader give them away. I give her an excited little smile, and she returns it, taking several deep breaths. "God, she looks gorgeous," I whisper to Rachel. She leans in lowering her voice. "I can't wait until Rob sees her…that's my favorite part of a wedding…" Just then, the music starts and we prepare to walk down the aisle.

Samantha goes first, carrying her bouquet of black orchids. Though I'm behind her, I can imagine her face as she tries to avoid Jason's gaze, impossible to miss. To my satisfaction, a look of longing and regret is etched in his features. Serves the asshole right…he didn't know what he had until he lost it.

Leah goes next, making her way down the aisle. Her head turns slightly in Brady's direction, standing with the rest behind Rob. Brady's chest starts to heave ever so slightly, a smile breaking over his face. Leah is a true vision in her creation. Her golden-bronze skin is luminous with the contrast of her dress, her amber-colored eyes radiant. Her chestnut hair wisps across her shoulders, adding to her grace. Brady gives her a little wink as she takes her place behind Samantha, giving him a small smile in return.

Now, it's my turn.

I take a deep breath, clutching my bouquet and praying that my untrained feet don't trip in these heels. As I make my way down the aisle, several hushes go through the crowd. Looks of awe are thrown my way, making me feel a bit self-conscious. Just then, my head turns in Eric's direction. His lips are parted slightly, with a small smile I've never seen on him before. I can't help but return it with one of my own, my pulse starting to race.

I can't ignore the clench of my abdomen either. It's impossible, the way his eyes are smoldering into mine. My breath catches, and for a moment it's like no one else is there. A sense of sadness comes over me out of nowhere, giving my heart a strange pang.

This is probably the only time I'll ever walk down an aisle like this, seeing Eric at the end.

 _Stop it. Today is not about you,_ I command myself sternly. I take my place behind Leah, as Rachel begins to walk. She looks absolutely stunning, her auburn hair shimmering against her skin. Her bright blue eyes are glowing in the torchlight as she keeps them focused straight ahead, no matter how much Sebastian's gaze is burning into her. I bite my lip, feeling a little sorry for Sebastian. His expression is pained, and he can't tear his eyes away from her. As soon as Rachel takes her place behind me, everyone stands.

It's time for the bride.

Ashley can't stop smiling as Kevin escorts her on his arm, beaming as she makes her way to her groom. My breath catches at the sight of her, never seeing her this way before. The dress that Leah designed and made gives her the appearance of an angel. She's never looked more beautiful than she does in this moment.

Dauntless tradition allows for a small amount of white, but mostly black or garnet. Leah absolutely nailed it. Ashley's gown is a fitted, cream colored sheath with a black lace bodice and a garnet gem studded hem. Her pregnant bump is beautifully accentuated by Leah's design, making her even more feminine and graceful. She wears a black orchid behind her ear, and she's positively glowing.

Tears prick my eyes, as I watch Rob see his bride coming down the aisle.

Rob is looking at Ashley like they're the only two people in the world. The obvious love he has for her, and her for him, takes my breath away. People go their whole lives searching for what Rob and Ashley have, and I'm happy to be a part of such a beautiful ceremony.

Kevin gives Ashley's hand to Rob, which he takes eagerly. Max smiles down on them from the ledge of the awning, picking up the small paring knife on the table before him. "On this day, you once again make a choice. If that choice is each other, symbolize your commitment the same way your dedicated your life to Dauntless, " he commands, handing the knife to Rob. He makes a small incision in his palm, dropping his blood over the bowl of steaming coals. Ashley takes the knife from him, gently making the same. Once her blood drops on the coals, Ashley hands her bouquet to Samantha, taking both of Rob's hands in hers.

"Let us begin."

As Max talks about the importance of faction, love for each other, and having the bravery to navigate life together, I glance at the groom's side. My eyes lock with Eric's as Rob and Ashley begin to recite their vows. All of a sudden, everyone else has disappeared….it might as well just be the two of us here. We keep our gaze on each other as Rob and Ashley make the biggest promise of their lives.

"Do you, Robert, vow to take this woman to be your wife, here in the witnesses of your faction…."

"I do…."

"Will you love, honor, and cherish her…."

"I will…"

"Will you fight for her, protect her, and keep her true to the ideals of Dauntless…"

"I will…"

"Are you willing to have the courage to lay down your life if it means sparing hers…"

"I am…"

"Will you stand by her through better or worse, sickness and health, war and peace…"

"I will…"

Max nods to the tattoo artist, whom gets his laser ready. "Do you accept that just as her name is one with your flesh, your life is one with hers?" Rob holds out his hand, his eyes locked with Ashley's. "I do…" The artist holds the laser over his finger, where 'Ashley' is quickly inscribed. Ashley repeats those same vows, her eyes never leaving her new husband. Once 'Robert' is emblazoned on her finger, it's time for the traditional wedding bands.

"Place the ring on the left hand, vowing with this 'with this ring, I thee wed," Max instructs. After repeating their vow, they each slip Erudite-lab-created platinum bands on the other's finger. A small smile pulls at Max's mouth as he looks between them.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride…"

The last word barely leaves his mouth before Rob grabs Ashley, bending her backwards and kissing her soundly. Tears are slipping down all our faces, as the crowd erupts. As I clap and cheer with the others, my eye catches Eric's again. A hint of a smile plays on his lips, but he otherwise shows no emotion.

Now, for the best part.

Max's voice rings clear throughout the crowd. "On your Choosing Day, you began your new life in Dauntless in this very spot. You did so without knowing what was ahead, but excited for what was to come. Today, you take that same leap of faith, only into your new life as one. By taking this final step together, your union will be complete. Leap from this ledge, and start the rest of your lives…."

Rob steps on to the ledge, holding out his hand to Ashley. Looking nervous, he glances below them. I know he's nervous about doing this, not because of jumping several stories, but because Ashley is doing this while pregnant with twins. Sensing his apprehension, Ashley quickly puts him at ease.

"Baby…I know you got me…we're doing this together…"

Rob searches her face for a minute, still uncertain. He touches his forehead to hers, wrapping his arms around her. "You ready?" Ashley nods and smiles. "Let's do it," she responds wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Rob grins, kissing her soundly.

"One…two…three!"

in true Dauntless fashion, the crowd roars and pound the back of the chairs as Ashley and Rob fall from the ledge together. Wiping my eyes, I throw the obligatory rice after them, cheering with everyone else before we head down to the Pit for the reception.

"They're so lucky," Rachel whispers, wiping her own eyes. Nudging me with her elbow, she gives me a sideways smile. "I have a feeling that the next time we do this, _you'll_ be the one leaping from the ledge…" Though Rachel doesn't know it, her words are like a knife in my heart.

That's the one thing I know will never come true.

At that moment Eric walks over, pulling me into his arms. Rachel takes that as her cue to leave, glancing between the two of us with a smile. "I'll meet you down there," she calls over her shoulder, catching up with Samantha and Leah as they blend into the crowd. Without warning, Eric brings his mouth to mine. Startled, I break away and look at him wide-eyed. We're never affectionate, and never in public.

"What was that for?" I ask breathlessly.

"Because I felt like it…and you should've seen the way everyone was looking at you. Better remind them that you're off limits."

Grinning against his mouth, our lips meet again in a slow, deep kiss. "We should get to the Pit…the reception is about to start," I murmur, though the only place I want to go right now is straight to his bed. Brushing a strand of hair from my forehead, he leans in close as everyone else leaves.

"Let's wait a minute…"

"Why…"

"Because I want to look at you in this light for a little longer," he whispers.

The playful smile drains from my face as that feeling overcomes me again, making my breath hitch in my throat. Eric's eyes search my face, looking almost…nervous? Giving him a questioning look, I brush my fingers over his jaw. "What is it?" I ask softly. He seems to snap himself out of his temporary spell, touching his forehead to mine.

"Nothing…I was just thinking that it wasn't right that you were up there with Ashley…"

Alarmed, I pull back. "What? Why the fuck would you say that?" I demand. Eric kisses me again, touching his forehead to mine. "Because the bride is supposed to be the most beautiful woman at the altar, and she wasn't…you put them all to shame." He whispers. My heart blooms in my chest as our mouths meet again, that shivering sensation rippling through my whole body.

"Let's get going…I don't want to miss the toast," I insist, reaching down and lacing my hand with his. As we make our way to the stairwell, I can't help but steal a look at him from the corner of my eye. I'm still trying to figure out how everything that's happened, was only in the span of a year.

As much as my life has been upheaved, torn apart, and eventually come back together, in a warped way, I'm glad it happened the way it did. Though this relationship has been a fucked-up mess from the start, I'm finally starting to see what everyone else has.

 _I_ am fucked-up…always have been, always will be. I accept that…and Eric accepts me. He doesn't feel the need to change me, 'fix' me, or 'heal' me, like Ayden did. Eric knows that I am who I am, and has the ability to handle me the way I need, even if I don't like it sometimes. _He's_ what I need, that fire that burns inside of me, even if he doesn't feel the same love for me that I feel for him.

Our union may be a toxic, fucked-up mess at times, but it's the only thing that I've ever felt was truly real in my life. I'm a mess, and Eric is a mess….but he's _my_ mess, and I wouldn't have it any other way…

At least for now.


	33. Leap of Faith Outtake - Rachel/Sebastian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m still working on Eric and Jade’s next chapter, so I offer this as a filler for the time being. I had a few requests for Rachel and Sebastian’s side story, so here’s a little glimpse at their relationship and where it may go. It takes place after the wedding ceremony from Leap of Faith. Only warnings are profanity and angst. Enjoy! 
> 
> -Emmy

* * *

“Ten credits say they’re next.”

Samantha smiles, gesturing with her beer bottle. Rachel follows her line of vision to see Eric and Jade at a side table, deep in conversation. Eric stands behind her, one arm wrapped around her waist while leaning close to her ear. Jade strokes the other arm wrapped around her shoulder, a soft smile playing on her lips. She turns her face to Eric’s as they whisper to each other, with soft fleeting kisses in between.

After the ceremony, all had gathered in the Pit for what constituted a “reception”. It was just basically a large gathering in the Pit, with the newlyweds as the center of attention. The obligatory speeches were given, with all of the faction toasting them in true Dauntless fashion; slamming their drinks and roaring at the top of their lungs. Ashley and Rob were sent upstairs to their wedding night after receiving their congratulations, with everyone else hanging around the Pit.

Eric and Jade remained off to the side, secluded in their own little world. It’s ironic that they’re the only two people whom can’t see how in love they are…when anyone with eyes could tell.

Rachel turns back to Samantha. “If this were a few months ago I’d have taken that bet gladly, expecting an easy victory. But now I think you’re right…I’ve never seen Jade this way before. She’s actually in love.” Samantha smiles, taking another sip of her beer.

“This is a whole new Jade…it looks good on her. I just can’t believe Eric Coulter is the one to finally tame her,” she laughs. Rachel chuckles under her breath, taking a sip of her own beer. “Eric is probably the only one that could…he’s the only guy in Dauntless not afraid of her.”

“I don’t know…Ayden had a ring on her finger for a while,” Samantha points out. Rachel shrugs, knocking back the rest of her drink. “On the real; I’d have been very surprised if Jade actually went through with it.”

“Went through with what?”

“Marrying Ayden…

“You don’t think she loved Ayden?”

“She loved Ayden, but she wasn’t in love.”

Rachel glances back at Eric and Jade, now slipping out of the Pit hand-in-hand. “Not like she loves Eric, even if she won’t admit it yet. Those two have truly found their match…” She trails off, a wistful smile coming over her as she watches them step on the elevator.

“May we all be so lucky,” Samantha says in a quiet, pained voice. Rachel gives her a sympathetic smile, brushing her arm. “We will be…when the time is right. There’s always the lottery, if not,” she laughs. Samantha shrugs, forcing a light-hearted tone. “Maybe that would be best…having someone else choose for me. I seem to fuck up royally when I do it myself.” Rachel purses her lips.

“You didn’t fuck up, Sam…what happened with Jason wasn’t your fault.”

“It kind of is…”

“How do you figure?”

Samantha looks away, her hurt coming to the surface. “It’s partially my fault, because I put up with it for so long. I knew he was screwing around, and just never said anything. Hell, I was even starting to _justify_ it in a sick way. I tried to tell myself that it was better for him to do it all now, before we got married…that it would eventually stop…God, I’m such a fucking idiot…” Her eyes well with tears, as Rachel instantly shakes her head.

“You’re not an idiot, Sam…you were in love. That tends to fuck with a person’s sense of logic…which explains why the Erudite are the way they are. You wanted and hoped for the best…and though it may not seem like it right now, what happened _was_ for the best.”

Samantha turns to her with confused eyes. Rachel leans on the table with a pained expression, swallowing a sip of her beer. “Jason made you think you had something substantial…something worth waiting for…that he saw you as more than just a place to shove his dick. In a fucked-up way…I think he probably did see you as his mate. As the saying goes, he didn’t know what he had until he lost it. It’s for the best that happened before you tattooed his name on you.”

Samantha arches her brow. “Like it turned out for the best with you and Sebastian?” she counters quietly. Rachel feels an instant stab in the gut at his name, making her flinch. Samantha doesn’t waver, though she gives Rachel a moment to compose herself.

“It’s not the same…”

“How is it not the same?”

Rachel takes a deep, painful breath. “It’s not the same, because Sebastian and I were never together. It’s not the same, because I never had a chance at something real with him. I was just the latest in his lineup, and like a fucking idiot, I let myself forget that and become deluded,” she laments, hearing her heartache in her tone. Samantha sighs, propping her chin on her hand.

“How do you know it wasn’t real for Sebastian?”

“You mean besides him not bothering to hide that he was going to fuck another girl that night?”

“Did you ever confirm that actually happened?”

Rachel whips her eyes to her friend, anger clenching her jaw. “Just because I was born Dauntless instead of Erudite, it doesn’t mean I’m a fucking idiot, such as the one Sebastian liked to believe I am. No one had to tell me anything…I saw the way he was with her that night. This is also Sebastian Black we’re talking about…the same guy we both grew up with. He’s been with almost every girl in Dauntless, one of our best friends included. Put a hole in the ground, and he’d fuck it,” she snaps, her hurt getting the best of her. She shakes her head sadly, tossing back the rest of her drink.

“Even if he didn’t fuck her, he still made it perfectly clear I mean absolutely nothing to him…”

“How so?”

“He flat-out told me…”

Samantha arches her brow, as tears brim Rachel’s eyes. “His exact words were ‘whatever…no big loss…you were just free pussy and I’ve had better anyway’…not exactly terms of endearment,” she whispers in a shaky tone. 

“Sebastian may have lost his temper, but I don’t think he meant a word of it…” Samantha tries to console, as Rachel brushes her tears away. Scoffing, she purses her lips. “Oh, he meant it alright…if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to say what he did.” Samantha shakes her head slightly, making Rachel narrow her eyes. “How can you possibly defend him?” Rachel asks indignantly. 

Samantha glances above her shoulder. “I’m not defending him...I’m just saying right now, he doesn’t look like a guy that doesn’t give a shit….he can’t take his eyes off you.” Rachel forces herself not to turn in the direction of where the guys stand in their usual spot, shaking her head stubbornly. It was hard enough to walk down the aisle, and not burst into tears when she saw him.

 “Miss ‘atchel! Miss ‘atchel!”

Her train of thought is suddenly broken, hearing the small voice behind her. She and Samantha turn to see Damien, a three-year-old boy in her daycare class hurrying toward her on his little legs. Rachel grins, stooping down and holding her arms out. “Hey little man,” she greets warmly, scooping him up.

“I was wondering when you were going to come see me," she teases settling him on her hip. The little boy shyly buries his head on her shoulder. "Miss ‘atchel…you look pwetty," he giggles in a whisper, wrapping his small arms around her neck. "Thank you bubba," She laughs, giving him a kiss on the forehead.

“Where’s your Mommy?” She asks, her eyes sweeping the crowd. A second later Piper, Damien’s mother comes hurrying through the Pit looking around frantically. “Piper!” Rachel calls, holding him up. With a sigh of relief, she quickly makes her way through the crowd. She’s carrying her other son, five-month-old Xander, trying to shield him from the cigarette smoke.

“Damien!” She scolds as she reaches them, shifting Xander to her side. “I’m so sorry, Rachel…he’s like a little Houdini lately. All of a sudden he saw you and took off,” She explains with a sheepish smile.

“No bother…he’s one of my favorites in my class. Very well-behaved.”

“Probably because he’s in love with you…”

Piper winks at her son, as he buries his head on Rachel’s shoulder again. Rachel ruffles Damien’s hair affectionately, giving her a smile. Piper suddenly turns to Rachel hopefully.

“Hey…could you do me a small favor?”

“Sure…”

“I just got off patrol shift, and I need to check my rifle into the armory. Could you watch the boys for just ten minutes while I run down there? I’m just going to go and come back…I don’t want to have to juggle the kids while handling weapons…”

Rachel nods, setting Damien down and reaching for Xander. “Absolutely.” She smiles at the baby, brushing her finger over his plump little cheek. Piper smiles gratefully, slinging her rifle onto her back.  She reaches into the other bag on her side, pulling out a bottle. “Would you mind giving him this? He just woke up, and he’ll start wailing without it….” Rachel takes it from her as she zips her bag.

“Thank you so much…I’ll be right back,” she calls over her shoulder, hurrying toward one of the tunnels. Samantha holds her finger out, the baby grasping onto it. “He’s adorable,” She coos, as Xander smiles. She sets her glass down, pulling out her phone.

“I was actually going to go up to your place and get some of my stuff…do you need any help here before I go?”

“No, I got them…as soon as Piper comes back I’ll come up and help you.”

“You don’t have to leave, I can handle it…”

Rachel swallows the lump in her throat, forcing a smile to her face. “I was going call it a night soon anyway…though I’m happy for Ashley and Rob, I’m really not in a romantic mood right now,” she says quietly. Forcing a casual smile, she gestures down.

“I also need to get out of this dress. Leah will slit our throats if anything happens to it.”

Samantha chuckles in agreement, looking down at her phone. “Yeah, she will…okay. I’ll see you at your place in a minute.” She smiles at the baby and winks at Damien, now holding Rachel’s hand. As she takes off in the direction of the elevator, Rachel glances up. “Oh shit,” She mutters to herself. Jason is at the foot of the stairs leading to the upper tier. His gaze is locked on Samantha as he takes off in her direction.

Looks like _no one_ is going to escape drama tonight.

Rachel forces herself to turn her attention back to the kids, so she doesn’t lock eyes with Sebastian. She’s felt the heat of his gaze on her all night, and it’s only made things harder. “Miss ‘atchel,” Damien says below her, tugging on her hand. Rachel smiles down at him, hoisting his baby brother on her hip. “Let’s go over here, honey,” She says, leading them off to the side.

Sitting down on one of the carved-out rocks, she settles Xander on her lap then gives him his bottle. As Damien prattles on in his toddler chatter, Rachel listens with a soft smile. She holds Xander’s bottle as he eats contently, rocking him lightly in a soothing motion.  As she’s burping the baby on her shoulder, she involuntarily looks up…

…Her eyes connecting with Sebastian. 

A strange expression crosses his features, as he watches her with the boys. His hands are gripping the upper railing, his chest heaving slightly. Rachel tears her eyes away after a long minute, making herself concentrate on the kids. Damien sits beside her, looking up with adoring eyes as she rubs Xander’s back.

Piper appears from the tunnel a moment later, hurrying toward them. “Thank you so much,” she breathes as Rachel hands her the baby. “No problem…you’ve got some great kids here. These two are adorable,” she replies with a smile. She kisses the top of Damien’s head, smoothing his hair. “I’ll see you soon, buddy…thanks for hanging out with me.” Damien looks between her and his mother earnestly.

“Mommy…can I marry Miss ‘atchel when I get big?” He asks hopefully, as serious as can be. Both women burst into laughter, Rachel’s heart melting at his sweetness. Piper grins as she takes her son’s hand, pretending to shrug. “If she’s still available by the time you get through initiation…but we’ll see,” she teases, shaking her head. “Just make sure you eat your vegetables, so you can grow…and maybe one day we’ll jump off the ledge together,” Rachel laughs, truly touched. Damien gives her a big smile, stepping toward her.

“Miss ‘atchel, come 'ere....” Rachel leans down, and he presses a kiss on her cheek. Giggling, he runs back to his mother. Piper pretends to groan, as Rachel can’t help but giggle. “All right, let’s get going…thanks again, Rachel,” she says as she heads toward the elevators. Rachel waves them off, gathering her phone to head home herself.

As she makes her way toward the elevators for her building, she feels a stabbing stare gripping her whole body. Her senses tingle, knowing Sebastian is probably near. She begins to walk faster, just wanting to get out of his eye line. She enters her tunnel and starts to walk toward the elevator, an unexplainable sense of urgency driving her. She takes a few steps, then her heart thuds. 

Sebastian steps out of the shadows and into her direct path.

His expression hardens as their eyes lock, Rachel’s breath hitching in her chest. She stops dead in her tracks. After both of them remain frozen for a few moments, Sebastian starts to make determined strides toward her. Rachel takes a deep breath, forcing herself to snap out of it. Turning on her heel, she quickly heads for the side tunnel to the back elevator.

“Damn it,” She whispers, hearing his footsteps behind her. Ignoring his call of her name, she desperately prays the elevator opens immediately. She’s about a yard away when Sebastian catches up to her. “Rachel…fucking stop,” he snaps, quickly moving in front of her. Rachel stops, but only to keep from running into him. “ _Get out of my way…now…_ ” she orders through gritted teeth. Her temper begins to flair, with her hands clenching into fists. The last thing she wants is for this to get physical, but she will do what she has to do if it comes to that.

Sebastian puts his palms up, not wanting to do what _he_ has to do if she won’t hear him out. What Brady said to him before about doing whatever it takes echoes in his mind, and he sees how true that is now.  His eyes narrow as he takes a commanding posture, but he forces his voice to remain at a normal level.

“We need to talk, Rachel…and I’m trying to do it the easy way.”

Sebastian’s voice is even, but Rachel doesn’t miss the warning undertones. With her heart racing, she looks up with a defiant eye. “We have nothing to talk about…you said all there is to say already, so we can just leave it at that. Have a good night…” Rachel replies in a low, firm tone. She hears Sebastian’s sharp intake as she sidesteps him, desperate to put some distance between them.

She gets no further than a few feet when she feels his hand close on her arm. After stopping her again, he quickly steps in front her. “ _Get your fucking hands off me,”_ she hisses, wrenching her arm from his grasp. _Fuck_ , she thinks as her tears start to well. Damn it, he will not have the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Sebastian towers over her, clenching his jaw in determination. 

“Rachel…just give me a minute…please...”

“I’m not in the mood for a screaming match, so I’ll pass.”

“That’s not what I-“

“I have nothing to say to you, and I don’t give a fuck about anything you have to say to me! _Get the fuck out of my way Sebastian!”_

Rachel again tries to sidestep him, but Sebastian refuses to let her pass. He blocks her path, feeing his own temper flair. “ _Shut the fuck up for two minutes and let me fucking speak!”_ He thunders through gritted teeth. 

Sebastian’s chest heaves with frustration, struggling with his self-restraint. He feels like an absolute moron right now, completely out of his element and not knowing how to handle this. After they stay deadlocked for several heated moments, Rachel finally relents. Leaning back against the rock wall, she crosses her arms protectively and trains her gaze to the side.

“Fine…you have something to say, say it…just get it over with.”

Sebastian takes a deep breath, running his hand over his head. “Rachel…I…” he trails off. Swearing under his breath, he sternly commands himself to get his shit together. He’s stuttering like a fucking idiot, something he would normally punish one of his soldiers for doing. Exhaling loudly, he tries again.

“Look…things got a little out of hand that night, and I said a lot of shit I didn’t mean…and that I’m sorry for saying,” He begins, his tone much calmer this time. He waits for her response, his heart pounding wildly. He wants her to see that his apology is sincere, though she has every reason to doubt him. Sebastian doesn’t think the words ‘I’m sorry’ have ever come out of his mouth before, and certainly not to a woman if so.

Rachel has the effect on him no other woman before her ever had; the ability to make him give a shit. He’s entirely at her mercy right now, and he knows it. He also knows that he loves her…and has for a long time now.

Rachel says nothing, continuing to look everywhere but at him. Some of her anger comes to the surface, twisting her mouth in a sneering grin.

“Don’t sweat it, Sebastian…after all, I was nothing more than a ‘convenient lay’...and ‘not worth the bullshit hassle’ if I recall correctly. In your own words, you can find ‘free pussy that you’ve had better anyway’, so there’s no point in wasting anymore of your time or energy on me,” She spits out, biting her lower lip to keep her tears from spilling. 

Sebastian’s eyes close tightly, his features twisted with regret. He opens them and takes a step toward her, with Rachel reflexively taking a step back. “ _Don’t touch me,”_ she warns again, her fist clenching. Sebastian forces himself to stay put, trying to keep his tone neutral. 

“As I already stated…there was a lot of fucked-up things I said and certainly didn’t mean. I was just angry and overreacted…though you probably won’t believe this, I _am_ sorry…I just hope you don’t hold this against me forever,” he states quietly. A solitary tear tracks down Rachel’s cheek, making him feel like a knife was plunged into his chest. She hastily wipes it away, taking a deep, shaky breath. 

“I accept your apology…but it doesn’t change anything.”

Heavy silence falls between them, with Sebastian struggling to bite his tongue. He knew this wouldn’t be easy, but it looks like it might be more difficult than he anticipated. Rachel takes a tense posture, determined to keep herself together. Though it’s not what she wants, clear boundaries need to be established.  Rubbing her forehead, she exhales loudly.

“All right look…we have friends in the same circle that are dating, so we have to get used to being around each other. I don’t want shit to be weird. There’s no reason we can’t be…civil…maybe even...friends, in time…”

Rachel hears her voice catch at the end, a painful lump forming in her throat. She fidgets uncomfortably, his furious gaze piercing right through her. Sebastian narrows his eyes, his jaw clenching in vexation.  After a pregnant pause, he inhales sharply while crossing his thickly muscled, tattooed arms. “Friends,” he utters, his voice dripping with disdain. He finally shakes his head, his mouth setting in determination. 

“We’re not going to just be ‘friends’ Rachel…not when  _both_ of us want more than that.” 

Rachel finally meets his eyes, seeing the same longing and pent up frustration she’s sure are in hers. _Don’t fall in this trap again_ , that little voice whispers. 

Squaring her shoulders, she draws herself up and resolves to stand by the promise she made to herself. “This isn’t a negotiation, Sebastian…it’s one or the other. We can go back to being friends…whatever that may look like…or we can keep pretending the other doesn’t exist. Take it or leave it.”

Sebastian’s eyes flash at her refusal, visibly struggling to keep himself calm. He can’t lose his temper again…that’s what got them here. The last thing he wants to do is make the same mistake. Though he knows that she’s aching for him as badly as he aches for her, Rachel isn’t going to make this simple and uncomplicated. He’s going to have to break this wall she’s put up, but he can’t do that if he loses his shit and she shuts him out again.

If he’s going to get her back, he has to play the long game.

“It is what it is, I guess,” he finally replies, rubbing his jaw. He steps closer, and Rachel doesn’t recoil this time.

“For whatever it’s worth…what you think happened that night, never happened,” he states quietly. Rachel looks away, desperately trying to blink away her tears. “It’s not any of my business either way, Sebastian. Let’s just forget the whole thing.” Sebastian stare hardens, her choice of words striking a chord within him.

“I don’t want to forget it Rachel…I want to make it right. I just wish you’d give me the chance.”

Rachel’s heart beats faster, feeling as if her insides were being ripped out. She can’t and won’t do this to herself again. She may love Sebastian, but she’s not stupid. Men like him don’t change, and she will not fool herself. But she does need closure and doesn’t want the time she spent with him to end on such a bad note. She doesn’t want it to end at all…but knows this is what has to be.

Rachel sighs, moving closer. Without warning, she wraps her arms around Sebastian’s neck in a light embrace. He stiffens in surprise, then his whole body seems to relax. Closing his eyes, he wraps his arms tighter around her waist, breathing in her scent. They stay like this for a while, both filled with longing and regret. Rachel takes a deep, painful breath while forcing herself to pull back. “No hard feelings, okay?” she whispers, struggling to keep her tears at bay. Sebastian searches her face, desperately trying to find the right words. 

Rachel decides not to give him the chance. She can’t keep herself together much longer and doesn’t want to break down in front of him...which she’s in danger of doing at any moment.  She leans in again, ghosting a kiss over his cheek. 

“I’ll see you around, Sebastian…take care of yourself.”

With her ‘goodbye’ hanging in the air between them, she slips out of his arms. She hears him utter her name lowly as she turns on her heel, but forces herself to not stop this time. If she turns and looks at him, she won’t be strong enough to not give in. _Go_ , she tearfully commands herself. _Just go_ … 

She feels the heat of Sebastian’s eyes all the way to the elevator, praying he doesn’t try to follow her. To her relief, the doors swing open a second later.

As she steps on, she wills herself to keep it together until she’s away from prying eyes. She pushes for her floor, finally looking up to connect with his anguished expression. With a small smile laced with sadness, she gives a little wave as the doors finally begin to close. They stay in each other’s gaze until she’s finally out of his sight, her face crumpling with restrained tears.

Rachel tilts her head back, letting them finally flow freely down her face. Grateful she’s alone, she allows herself to let it out. Resting her head against the back paneling, deep sobs rack her body as she’s carried upward. Sinking down to the floor, she gathers her knees to her chest and attempts to get a hold of herself.

“Stupid fucking bitch,” she scolds herself, squeezing her eyes shut as she reflects on everything. “How the fuck could you have let this happen.”

* * *

 

After dropping off the last box of Samantha’s stuff at her new place, Rachel again heads for home. As she rides up to her floor, her grief once more attacks her. She sinks down to the floor again, holding her head in her hands.

Although this is not what she wants, she knows it’s better this way. Sebastian will never be the man she needs, and it’s time to face facts. She’s in over her head here, and it’s time to pull herself out. She knows exactly what kind of man Sebastian is…she grew up in Dauntless with him, and he’s never hid himself.  He’s a guy that will always think with his cock, never satisfied with only one woman. That’s not what she wants for her life. 

She’s trying to convince herself that this is the right thing to do, but Sebastian’s apology has her questioning it. Her heart wants her to believe that he can be capable of loving her, that they could ever be something more than just sex, but her head is telling her not to be an idiot. Men like Sebastian simply don’t love…men like Sebastian just _use_ …and she’s worth more than that… 

No matter how much she loves him and wishes things were different, and they could be together as something real.

Rachel angrily wipes the tears from her eyes, begrudgingly rising as the doors swing open on her floor. Desperate to be alone and free to cry her heart out, she begins to make her way home when she hears a loud banging. Stopping in place, she cautiously peeks her head around the corner to her hall.

Sebastian is outside her door, both arms propped up on the frame. “Rachel,” he growls. Rachel covers her mouth, willing herself not to make a peep. She knows the minute she’s face-to-face with him her resolve to end this will crumble. 

“Rachel…please, just open the door if you’re there…we can’t leave it like this…”

Pressing herself against the wall, she squeezes her eyes shut while silently imploring him to go. Her throat closes with unshed tears, and she starts to feel light-headed. A few more minutes pass, with Sebastian still pounding on her door. Just as she’s about to give up and just face him, she jumps as he slams his hand against her door.

“Fuck,” he snarls, his boots thumping heavily on the concrete as he stomps away.

Slowly letting out her breath, she waits a few more minutes to make certain he doesn’t come back. Peeking around the corner one last time, she quickly makes her way to her door and unlocks it. Closing it as silently as she can, she presses her back to it, putting her face in her hands as panic begins to set in.

She can’t stay here. She doesn’t have the strength to send Sebastian away when he comes back, and she knows he will. Forcing herself to focus, she remembers Jade hardly ever uses her own apartment and will be with Eric tonight…and Rachel is programmed into Jade’s palm reader.

Rachel quickly grabs a change of clothes. Counting to ten, she listens for sounds outside her door before opening it. When she doesn’t hear the stomp of Sebastian’s footsteps or any other peculiar noise, she silently slips away back to the elevator.

Her heart squeezes in her chest as she rides to Jade’s floor. Taking several deep breaths, she tries to get herself in check. With a grateful sigh, she gets off on Jade’s floor and lets herself in to the sanctuary of her best friend’s apartment.

After changing her clothes, she curls up on Jade’s bed. Trying to block Sebastian’s face from her mind, disgust at her behavior sets in. She’s no Erudite, but she’s certainly smarter than this. When this began, she kept telling herself to remember exactly who she was getting in bed with…and a long line came before her.

Rachel thought it was going to be a just-for-fun kind of fling, with no feelings and no unrealistic expectations. At first it was…until _she_ was the one that started getting things twisted. She doesn’t even know how it happened…and now she’s paying the price for naiveté.

Tears begin to slip down her cheeks, as she flings her arm over her eyes. It’s actually a good thing Sebastian confronted her that night, saying the things he said. Though the reminder was painful, it was the figurative bitch-slap she needed to wake her up. She’s glad she was able to pull herself out of this dreamland before she fell even deeper into the hole.

She just wished she had figured it out before she fell so hopelessly in love with him.


End file.
